Ozomatli's peppy "Little Boxes" takes us to the grow house. Andy enters as Sanjay spritzes the plants. Andy's brought lunch, and there's some nattering back and forth about which guy isn't supposed to eat beef, and which isn't supposed to have cheeseburgers. They are joined in the kitchen by Conrad and Doug, the latter of whom has what I think is a rottweiler in his arms. He says that he found her on the street; she doesn't have a collar or tags, just an ugly gold choker. The consensus seems to be that she probably belonged to the Armenians, but they can't really get too far into it because Andy slops some special sauce on his toes, and the dog fucking attacks him. Everyone starts panicking -- Conrad picks up a two-by-four to try to knock the dog off Andy's foot, I guess -- but Doug manages to hunt up a vague memory of how to stop a dog attack, and he tells Sanjay to stick his finger up the dog's ass to make her open her jaw. Sanjay tells Doug to stick his own finger up the dog's butt. Andy begs someone to do it, and Sanjay licks his finger and rises to the occasion. When the dust settles, Sanjay's got a stinkfinger, and Andy's down two toes.
Nancy's working on her computer in the great room when she's pulled up short, breathing, "Judah." But no, it's just Shane, who's apparently bathed in Judah's cologne for his big debate. Nancy, enjoying the smell, hugs him, and advises him to maybe use less time. Silas enters, complaining about the stench, and asks if Shane's debate strategy is to stink out his opponents. Shane toddles off to get ready, and Nancy tells Silas she needs to talk to him about his SAT scores; apparently, they are ass. Silas tries to plead abortion-related stress, but Nancy tells him he took the SATs weeks before all that fetal business. Nancy's spoken to Silas's guidance counselor, and Silas can take the test again in eight weeks. Silas flatly refuses to repeat the SATs, pointedly telling Nancy that, from what he can tell, you don't need a college degree to run a business. Before they can get into it, though, Nancy gets a frantic call from Doug -- something about toes and the hospital is all she can make out. She asks Silas to take Shane to his debate, and Silas agrees, stipulating that Nancy let him take her car, lest Shane stink up his. Surely it's better than a pine air freshener, no?
Hospital. Andy's in bed, his injured foot bandaged and elevated. Nancy hurries in, asking Conrad how Andy's doing, and Conrad tells her much better since they hooked him up to morphine. He gives her the short version of how this happened, and then the doctor (randomly played by Dave Thomas -- the SCTV one, not the one from Wendy's) enters. As Andy blissfully dials up his morphine drip, Nancy asks his prognosis. Since Andy isn't a dancer, professional athlete, or foot model, he'll be fine. He mentions that if they'd brought in Andy's toes, they could have reattached them. "Must find toes," mutters Andy through his morphine haze. Nancy asks where the toes are, and Conrad says that the dog ate them. Nancy asks when he can leave and, upon learning that Andy has no insurance, Dave Thomas says he's cool to leave right now. He kindly doesn't use the hospital bed's ejector seat to get rid of him.
Now that Andy's squared away, Conrad takes off, but Nancy follows, still trying to smooth over the effects of their summit with Peter. Nancy thought that if Conrad could meet Peter, he would realize that Peter isn't a threat. Conrad, still not ready to forgive and forget, says that he has to go back to the house and "clean up some fucking toe blood." Must be Thursday!
Debate. It seems to be a debate scrimmage or something, because he's up against Gretchen. The topic is "Electoral College vs. Popular Vote"; Shane is taking the "Popular Vote." His argument: "George W. Bush." This earns him a standing ovation; even the coach, who's moderating, joins in the applause. Gretchen, disgusted, says that's against the rules, and asks how she's supposed to argue after Shane's invoked the name of the worst president the nation's ever seen and failed to follow protocol. The coach -- rather out of character given his tearful recitation of the school's debate kings in the last episode -- basically tells Gretchen not to be such a stickler, but she forfeits, telling Shane that he sucks. The coach pats him reassuringly on the shoulder, perhaps pleased to have learned that he and Shane are political kindred spirits.
Silas pulls in at the house. I guess they drove the whole way back in silence because only now does Silas congratulate him on a good job at the debate. Shane sighs that it was a disaster. Silas disagrees, saying that Shane made Gretchen "totally lose her shit": "That's a win in my book." Shane says that now Gretchen hates him even more. Silas guesses that Shane likes Gretchen and asks whether she knows. Shane confesses that he's never even talked to her; he's only kicked her. They walk into the house, Silas telling Shane he's going to have to do something. Their dad did it, Silas did it, and Andy does it all the time; sometimes it even works. Shane has no idea what he's talking about, so Silas says he'll have to talk to her. Shane doesn't think much of this advice. Silas adds that most women are "evil, lying bitches," but that he's trying to be a good big brother, so when Gretchen kicks the crap out of Shane's heart, Silas will buy him a beer with his fake ID. Aw, that's why I always wanted a big brother!
Chez Hodes, Dean and Celia (looking very Joan of Arc without her wig) are in bed. She's grousing about the election, and how much people like Doug. Dean reminds Celia that she got elected president of the PTA, but Celia says that doesn't count, since she was like Hitler in Munich; her minions were just looking for someone to follow. Dean ponders his crossword puzzle. Celia tells him to give her a clue, but Dean says he likes to do it all by himself. Celia considers her options, and throws out, "Wanna have sex?" Dean: "'A sky-high accessory.'" "Orion's belt," says Celia. Dean says that's "totally right." "Yay for me," sighs Celia. I suggest that she take up Sudoku.
Then, it's Election Day. Celia gets her photo taken at the polling place, and then Nancy hurries in. Celia greets her, but Nancy waves her off, saying that she doesn't want to talk. Celia gets as close as Celia probably ever does to apologizing, saying that she hopes the "incident" (brutal hair-pulling) doesn't affect their friendship, but before Nancy can answer either way, Doug enters, jocularly greeting Nancy as his friend and client. With both candidates all up in her grill, Nancy stutters that she has to go review the bond issues again, and takes off. Once she's gone, Celia accusatorily tells Doug that Nancy's going to vote for him. Celia goes off to vote, and Doug cheerfully calls after her to vote for herself: "I'd hate to see you get shut out!" The photographers call Doug's name, and he obligingly grins and throws a couple of Nixon-y victory signs. Heh. Celia emerges from the booth with a smirk and drops her ballot in the box. Doug heads in to vote himself, just as Dean enters, wondering why Celia looks so pleased with herself. She tells him to wait...and sure enough, one second later, Doug bellows, "Why isn't my name on the ballot?" Dean asks what Celia did, but she says it's a miracle: "God loves me." Doug, starting to lose it a little, barges into his neighbour's booth to see if Doug's name's on that ballot, and gets scolded by the supervisor. Doug barks that his name isn't on the ballot. Celia asks which name he means: "Doug Wilson, or Mr. Fuck Hughson?" Doug advances on her, saying that she did this to him, but Celia smugly says she wishes she could take credit for it. But Dean, looking like he suspects what happened, says he's sure there's a reasonable explanation. Doug's is that Celia is "a cheating whore." He grabs a cup of pencils and starts ordering voters to write him in. Celia calls over the supervisor, who tells Doug he can't campaign within three hundred feet of a polling place. Doug says that he isn't a candidate, given that his name's not on the ballot, calling the guy an asswipe besides. This gets him ejected by Security, leaving Celia smiling beatifically.
Doug counts off three hundred paces and stands on a decorative rock with a bullhorn, trying to drum up write-in votes by saying that change just brings problems, and reminding voters that they hate Celia Hodes: "Celia Hodes has chlamydia!" Hey. It's Cancer Tits.
Nancy rolls into her kitchen, brandishing a sheaf of job applications for Silas. She's trying to make a point about his limited options if if he doesn't go to college, but he rolls her eyes and generally acts like your typical shiftless young person who's never had to develop any work ethic because his parents were rich enough to let him get away with it. Shane enters with a form for Nancy to sign, indicating that she knows he's quitting the debate team. Silas calls him a pussy, telling him just to go talk to her. He leaves for school, promising Nancy that they'll talk later, and Nancy asks whom Silas wants Shane to speak to. Shane catches Nancy up about Gretchen, saying that instead of talking to her, he's just going to avoid her for the rest of the year. He tries to leave, but Nancy stops him, telling him to be brave: "I hated your father when I first met him. He slept on a futon. He had a goatee. He hit on my roommate. But over time, I got to know him and we fell in love." She realizes that Shane and Gretchen might not even like each other, but that Shane has to try. "Why do you always have to bring up Dad?" asks Shane. Yeah, that was the point of the story. Stupid kid.
Yael comes to visit Andy, who's awake in bed. She asks how she can make him feel better, and he suggests letting him "pitch instead of catch." Yael pretends to consider it.
At Celia's, where the candidate is waiting for the phone call that will confirm her victory, Pam eats a cookie or something, and Celia wishes she had less irritating friends. Presently, the call comes. Celia hangs up and hisses that it came down to "three lousy votes" -- and with Doug not even on the ballot! Wow, people do hate Celia. Pam comforts that she'll win time, but Celia sighs that there isn't going to be a time...because she won. Pam loses her shit. The phone rings again.
It's Doug, calling from his non-victory non-party. He says that he'll keep his concession speech short: "Fuck you." Celia smugs that Dean must be Doug's speechwriter, but Doug says that he came up with that on his own -- he even memorized it, and offers to recite it again: "Fuck you!" He hangs up. Celia spreads her hands, and tries to celebrate even though she's surrounded by all her PTA simps.
Back in Andy's room, sex has been had. Yael compliments Andy on a job well done, for a skinny gimp. She briskly gets up and starts putting her clothes back on, but Andy says he thought they could go again. Yael says that she has too much to do to lie around in bed all day, and asks when Andy's coming back to school, since everyone misses him. Andy's like, "Yeah, about that." He says that, given his toe loss, now he can never be sent to Iraq, so he thinks God has a different plan for him, other than the rabbinate, like maybe opening a microbrewery. Yael, infuriated, says that Andy can't commit to anything. Andy coos that he committed to her, and that nothing's changing between them. Oh, except that she hauls off and slaps him. Well, that might not prove that anything's changed between them, I guess; she does like it rough. Yael says that she trusted Andy, and put her job on the line for him: "I did everything for you!" She smacks him again. Andy whines at her to quit it, but Yael will not, and says that the dog should have bitten his dick off. She angrily stomps out -- and Andy, half a cripple, can't even go after her -- not without a lot of effort, anyway, which we know Andy is not a fan of.
In his office, Doug is having an existential crisis: if he's not Councilman Doug, getting cuts in lines and escaping parking tickets, he doesn't know who he is. Standing in front of his desk, Dean says he's sorry. Doug waves him off, saying it's not his fault, but apparently, it is: Doug never filed those intent to run papers Doug gave him. In all the hoopla surrounding Dean's termination from work, the papers got lost in the shuffle. Doug stares at him stonily for a moment, and then throws, like, a three-hole-punch at him. Dean tries to spin that this is the time for them to take stock, but Doug's not having it, throwing a stapler at him and reminding Dean that he fucked up, not Doug. He orders Dean out of his office. Dean plays his last card, pulling out a baggie of what he says is "amazing pot," but Doug repeats that he wants Dean to leave. Holy shit, he is really pissed. Dean sadly wanders out.
Silas and Nancy walk through the neighbourhood. She asks what his plan is, and he says he wants in; he thinks they'd work well together. Nancy flat refuses to jump him in on GrowCo. He tries to make his case, but Nancy says that she will never let him do it. He calls her a hypocrite, which she cheerfully cops to. Silas says she thinks she's protecting him, but she's not. I don't even think she does think she's protecting him, most of the time. Or she shouldn't.
But regardless, the conversation concluded, Nancy grabs a bottle of tequila and makes for Peter's. As soon as he opens the door, she's on his face like a barnacle. He tries to put her off, asking if she didn't get his message: well, turns out his kid's there. Nancy dials her behavior back down to a PG rating. Tim is not interested in hanging out with Nancy, but Peter tells her she should stay. They're about to play some dorky-sounding history board game, and Nancy begs off, saying she's not very good at games. Tim says that his mother loves games; she must be a lot smarter than Nancy is. Nancy cheerfully says he must be right, and drifts out the door. Peter follows, saying that Tim will be gone the day, and that Nancy is very smart. Hm. I'd say she's a smart dresser, but the rest of the time, her batting average is not great.
Grow house. Nancy enters to find Conrad morosely smoking at the kitchen table. She asks if she can join him, and he pouts that it's her house. She tells him it's his too, but he's not so sure. As Nancy hesitantly creeps toward him, Conrad muses that he's not sure how he could get to the age of thirty-six, and still fit everything that's important to him in a duffel bag. Nancy asks if he did literally do that, and he says it's out in his car right now. Nancy tells him he can leave, but Conrad replies that she shouldn't take him out for dinner with her husband one night and then tell Conrad the day that he can leave; he knows he can. Nancy sits on the floor as she asks if he is going to go, and leave her all alone. Conrad says that she has her husband, but Nancy calls that "just a business arrangement." Yeah, in the sense that Peter has arranged full access to her business. If you know what I mean. (Her lady business.) Conrad tells her she has friends, and kids: "I got a duffel bag." Nancy says that sometimes she wishes that's all she had, but Conrad tells her she doesn't. "Sometimes," she repeats. She loves her kids more than anything, but sometimes she wonders what it would have been like if they'd died when Judah did, leaving her responsible only for herself -- what it would be like to be "that...free. How nice that might feel." She starts to cry as she asks how horrible that is, and says she's an awful person. Conrad rises to the bait, and turns his chair around, and holds his joint down toward her. Nancy laughs incredulously, saying she can't go home and be high in front of her kids. Conrad tells her that in two hours, she'll be fine, and that it would be weird if she never tried it once when her name's going to be on it. Nancy hesitates a long moment and then takes the joint. "I love my kids," she announces. Conrad knows she does. "They're my life," she adds. She takes a couple of hits, and then her face falls again: "You packed a duffel bag?" "If I was going, I'd be gone," Conrad replies. Nancy asks what she's going to do for two hours. Conrad sets up a chair to his and pulls her up, and they sit, as he tells her she'll "watch the grass grow. Literally."
Chez Hodes. Lying in bed with Dean, Celia announces that he'll have to stop smoking pot, since she can't have him getting busted: she's making Agrestic a drug-free zone. Dean, dismayed, says nothing, and as Celia rolls over and turns the light off, she adds, "Warn your dealer." Does Celia know? It's ambiguous. Though if she does, she might just be thinking that although the hair-pulling might have been bad, Nancy still doesn't know real pain.