Cooking With Jesus

S02E02

Oh, dear. So Conrad's taken his sales tour to U-Turn. From the walls lined with boxed-up electronic equipment to the big angry man slicing an avocado in the living room, the whole situation is redolent with menace. Conrad tries to resume his pitch, but U-Turn grows impatient with all the noise his entourage is making and hurls his knife at one of his compatriots, striking him right in the leg. He sends them to the room to clean him up, and says that if his knife doesn't come back clean, he'll be stabbing everybody. Maybe just ask for a new knife? Anyway, Conrad nervously says that Heylia can't know what they're doing, but U-Turn isn't scared of "no bitch," and tells Conrad that he'll be working for U-Turn, 60/40. Conrad stammers that he'll think about it.

Shitty "Mexican" family restaurant. Dean couldn't find a house. Sanjay's hydroponic workshop is booked for the three months. But Alejandro has good news: he's been called up to play for the Blue Jays. Congratulations all around! Nancy doesn't look too concerned to be losing him from her team. A waiter appears with Doug's "coffee," covered in whipped cream and sporting two sparklers. Doug: "Oh, I fucking hate chains." Exception noted: Fuddruckers.

In his room, Silas lets Megan in on his plan to get a van and follow her to Princeton. She Sidekicks him that he can't miss senior year, but he says he doesn't care; he'll get his GED. She worriedly tells him that he'll have nothing to do, but Silas blithely declares that he'll just enroll in a junior college. After a long moment, Megan gives him her final word: "No." Someone's looking to go gay 'til grad!

Heylia's. As she prepares fresh bruschetta and natters with Vaneeta, Conrad checks his phone, finding eight messages from Nancy, along the lines of "you have to do this for me" and "i only need a few minutes" and "please talk to me." Heylia offers him some bruschetta, but Conrad books. Once he's gone, Heylia asks Vaneeta where he's going, and Vaneeta says Heylia shouldn't play dumb: "You know he's looking for financing." Heylia smugly says that he'll give up soon enough, since no one in the industry will want to cross her. Vaneeta quietly says that Heylia's cold, but Heylia's doing it out of love. Scary, scary love.

Nancy slides open her bathroom door to reveal her plant to Conrad, and finally admits that she can't do the grow-op without him. As he inspects the rapidly browning plant, she swears up and down that things are over with Peter and that he doesn't know anything about what she does, and now she's still trying to make a go of this enterprise and she's surrounded by idiots. Conrad stares at her, and then announces that his plant is so much better than the one she bought. Nancy agrees, saying that his has "amazing tricombs." He asks if she's showing off now, but she says she's just getting started. Conrad makes Nancy re-confirm her assertions about Peter, asking whether he ever asked what she did. She says that he saw: she ran a bakery. And Peter told her straight up what he did, without any weirdness or dissembling. Conrad asks how Nancy broke it off, and she repeats her tale of not wanting to lose another man. Conrad agrees that that's a good cover. Nancy asks him again to do the grow-op with her. Conrad: "Shit." Nancy takes this to be her having broken him down entirely, and they dap on it, as she grins madly.

By Wing Chun

Silas is installing a sliding latch on his bedroom door when Megan shows up, excitedly brandishing her acceptance letter from Princeton. Silas doesn't bother hiding his dismay, and asks what happened to UCLA. Megan's like, "Ivy League, yo," but Silas reminds her of their plans for her to go to UCLA, and then for him to go to UC Northridge the year, whereupon they'd get a place together. Megan, her glee still undampened, reminds him again that it's Prince. Ton. Silas whines that he can't get into Princeton: "I'm not deaf." Megan sets him straight, saying that she got into Princeton because she's smart and works hard. Silas pouts that being deaf probably didn't hurt, and Megan, of course, stomps out, breaking his shitty latch off in the process.

Downstairs, Andy's catching Nancy up on his progress with his yeshiva essay (short version: there's a through-line from Andy's Judaism to Ghostbusters) when Megan stomps through, upset. There's some ha-ha over the two Botwins calling out to her (because she's deaf, get it?) and then Nancy exposits that Andy needs to be ready to go when Doug gets there. The doorbell rings then, and as Nancy goes to get it, Andy asks what really happened between her and Conrad. Nancy lies that she just decided to go another way. Andy doesn't buy it; Nancy doesn't care. At the door is Celia, clipboards in hand, bitching about her heels and demanding a Diet Coke. At the fridge, Celia greets Andy, with a curious look, as "freeloading brother-in-law." "You're not Doug," Andy shrewdly observes, at which Celia comments that that should be her campaign slogan. Celia goes to get some ice for her glass, but Lupita, breezing through, says that the icemaker is broken. Celia demands to know whether the maid who hit Celia's car is one of Lupita's "maid friends," and whether Lupita knows her name, but Lupita serenely says that they all just call one another "maid friend," and heads off again. Celia makes with the clipboards, explaining that she already did the "Rancho" streets, so Nancy can do all the "Hill"s. Nancy blearily asks whether they had a plan, and Celia whines that she sent her an email with a schedule, explaining that they're canvassing for signatures; Celia needs a hundred for her candidacy to be eligible. Nancy vaguely says that she's busy today, and Celia presses her to say what, since Celia knows Nancy doesn't have to go to work: "So you have no excuse."