Death Cab For Cutie favour us with their "Little Boxes," and then Nancy is inspecting her ass in the bathroom mirror as she calls Peter to break things off. It sounds like there's actually some measure of truth in what she's saying as she explains that, as a new widow, she can't get involved with someone who could get killed while just doing his job: "I can't go through that again." Peter tells her that his is mostly a desk job, but Nancy nicely tells him not to call her anymore, and hangs up.
In their bedroom, Celia lays out ties for Dean, explaining that it's for a family photo, for the campaign. Dean asks whether it can really be called a family photo if Quinn isn't in it. Holy shit, they mentioned QUINN! Drink! Celia says that she's going to be telling people Quinn is dead, to try to drum up sympathy, and then has to assure a horrified Dean that she's just kidding; she called Quinn and offered to fly her up, but they both agreed that it would be too hypocritical. Dean says that he doesn't want to be a hypocrite either, and that if Celia doesn't want him to manage her campaign, he's not going to be in her photo op. Celia says that he takes crappy photos anyway, and that it'll just be her and Isabelle. Sure, what could go wrong?
The grow-op partners hold a board meeting at a shitty family restaurant. Dean defends what was apparently his choice of establishment, but Doug is adamant -- and also rejects the suggestion of In & Out Burger because it's owned by fundamentalist Christians who are "cooking for Jesus." Sanjay makes a dumb joke about kitchen help named Jesus, which earns a grumpy protest from Alejandro, and then Nancy and Andy bustle in. Nancy tries to gloss over Conrad's absence, but Alejandro's not happy, saying that they needed Conrad's genetics for the crop. Nancy says they won't need him after they all go to the Mohasky Cup, and everyone is very impressed that she got them in. She instructs Dean to arrange for a grow house, Sanjay to research hydroponics, and Alejandro to buy equipment. She insists that they don't need Conrad, but of course, she's mostly trying to convince herself.
Speaking of Conrad: he's at a bank, trying to rustle up a loan for the hydroponic organic gourmet lettuce he wants to grow. The loan officer, Tyrell, has known Conrad since they were at camp together, and knows that Conrad doesn't want to grow lettuce; he essentially says he can't risk his job to help Conrad finance a grow-op. He does offer a calendar of consolation, but Conrad's more interested in a mittful of pens.
Silas is installing a sliding latch on his bedroom door when Megan shows up, excitedly brandishing her acceptance letter from Princeton. Silas doesn't bother hiding his dismay, and asks what happened to UCLA. Megan's like, "Ivy League, yo," but Silas reminds her of their plans for her to go to UCLA, and then for him to go to UC Northridge the year, whereupon they'd get a place together. Megan, her glee still undampened, reminds him again that it's Prince. Ton. Silas whines that he can't get into Princeton: "I'm not deaf." Megan sets him straight, saying that she got into Princeton because she's smart and works hard. Silas pouts that being deaf probably didn't hurt, and Megan, of course, stomps out, breaking his shitty latch off in the process.
Downstairs, Andy's catching Nancy up on his progress with his yeshiva essay (short version: there's a through-line from Andy's Judaism to Ghostbusters) when Megan stomps through, upset. There's some ha-ha over the two Botwins calling out to her (because she's deaf, get it?) and then Nancy exposits that Andy needs to be ready to go when Doug gets there. The doorbell rings then, and as Nancy goes to get it, Andy asks what really happened between her and Conrad. Nancy lies that she just decided to go another way. Andy doesn't buy it; Nancy doesn't care. At the door is Celia, clipboards in hand, bitching about her heels and demanding a Diet Coke. At the fridge, Celia greets Andy, with a curious look, as "freeloading brother-in-law." "You're not Doug," Andy shrewdly observes, at which Celia comments that that should be her campaign slogan. Celia goes to get some ice for her glass, but Lupita, breezing through, says that the icemaker is broken. Celia demands to know whether the maid who hit Celia's car is one of Lupita's "maid friends," and whether Lupita knows her name, but Lupita serenely says that they all just call one another "maid friend," and heads off again. Celia makes with the clipboards, explaining that she already did the "Rancho" streets, so Nancy can do all the "Hill"s. Nancy blearily asks whether they had a plan, and Celia whines that she sent her an email with a schedule, explaining that they're canvassing for signatures; Celia needs a hundred for her candidacy to be eligible. Nancy vaguely says that she's busy today, and Celia presses her to say what, since Celia knows Nancy doesn't have to go to work: "So you have no excuse."
Enter Doug: "Who's ready to Mohasky?!" Seeing Celia, his face falls: "Who let in Cancer Cunt?" "It's Cancer Tits, Doug," Celia tartly corrects him. "No wonder your wife prefers to fuck a pole." "My wife's fucking a Polish guy?" asks Doug. Nancy quietly says she thinks Celia's probably referring to Dana's "stripper class." Doug slowly gets it, laughs, and then reminds Celia that he hates her and hopes she gets hit by a truck. He's a few days late on that one, isn't he? Not that I expect he still has much short-term memory. Doug asks why Celia's there, and Celia tells him triumphantly that she and Nancy are collecting signatures. Nancy very uncomfortably says that she's "not really free." Doug grabs the clipboard, telling Celia he's going to show her who's the bigger man. Celia, disgusted, asks if Nancy's working on Doug's campaign, and Nancy exasperatedly says that she's not working for anybody, since both Doug and Celia are her friends. "You promised!" says Celia. Nancy says that she didn't promise anything. Doug prods Nancy, saying that they have to leave. Celia whinily asks where they're going, and Nancy covers that it's a "small business expo," and nothing to do with the campaign. "So you're really not going to help me with this," Celia surmises, hurt. Nancy apologizes again (not that sincerely, as you probably could have predicted), and says that she can't. She heads out, and Doug follows, first pausing to hand Celia back her clipboard. Celia reads: "'Mr. Fuck Hughson, 110 Eat Shit Lane'?" Doug giggles at himself. And I giggle at Doug.
Mohasky Cup. It's like a giant weed trade show. Craig, that dude from the medicinal weed shop in Season 1, gives Nancy a big hug, and asks if Doug is there as the official [toke hand gesture] "taster." Nancy thanks Craig for getting them in, and he tells them that if they find a great new breed, he'll expect them to return the favour.
As your standard-issue reggae band plays on a stage, we get a montage of weed magazines, weed samples, weed paraphernalia, etc. Nancy quickly loses track of Andy and Doug. Then it's a series of quick cuts of Nancy consulting with seed merchants, and Doug and Andy recommending which to buy based on their sampling. Eventually, Doug is in a tie-dyed shirt asking Nancy when CPR becomes necrophilia, and Andy is playing with Nancy's hair and saying he's glad her last name isn't "Drew" because then she'd be Nancy Drew, and then Doug has jumped on stage to do the robot with the band, and the party's over.
Elsewhere, Conrad makes a sales pitch for his strain to Keeyon, who agrees that it's "some beautiful shit." He says how proud he is of Conrad, and Conrad's like, "So we're in business?" and Keeyon's like, "Not until you settle things with Heylia, because I am not crossing her." Conrad is disappointed.
Nancy finds Andy on the floor of ladies' bathroom at the Mohasky Cup, writing his essay on a roll of paper towels. As Doug and Andy report that they agreed on which strain Nancy should buy, Andy crows about how brilliant his essay is...
...and then, oh my God, we see that he has actually given his baked essay to Yael. Andy! She notes that the roll format makes it reminiscent of a Torah, and says that she found the essay very moving and thoughtful: "Maybe you should never speak." Is she letting him in? Provisionally. Andy rejoices.
Andy comes home to give Silas the good news, and finds him still depressed. Silas tells Andy about Megan's acceptance to Princeton, and Andy is genuinely pleased for her. Silas is like, "It's in New Jersey?," but Andy is unfazed, advising Silas to get a van and go to New Jersey, then. He says that he spent four years at Harvard, sitting in on classes, fucking smart chicks. It cost him nothing: "I graduated magna come loudly." Silas considers this: "Does it have to be a van?" "It has to be a van," Andy confirms.
Celia's photo shoot. As the neighbour's yappy dog freaks out door, Isabelle comes around the corner, dressed up like a wee little biker. Celia demands to know who she is, "Willie Nelson?" Ha! She asks where Isabelle's dress is, and Isabelle points out that she's still wearing red (which she is, not that I think Celia will appreciate the effort when it's just a bandanna). Celia crabs that she's not running a campaign with a photo in which she looks like the poster mother for P-FLAG. Isabelle reminds her that Dick Cheney has a lesbian daughter, and Celia rejoins that she's not in any of the photos either: "That's politics." She orders Isabelle to go get changed, but Isabelle refuses, saying that the photo is a lie. Celia dismisses her and tells the photographer it'll just be her, stomping into position...whereupon she steps right in one of the yappy neighbour's dog's yappy little turds.
Back at home, Nancy lovingly tends to her plant in the master bath. As she heads upstairs with a load of fertilizer and other things that really have no place in the average lavatory, Silas pouts through, announcing his intention to drop out of school year and move to New Jersey. As you do.
Oh, dear. So Conrad's taken his sales tour to U-Turn. From the walls lined with boxed-up electronic equipment to the big angry man slicing an avocado in the living room, the whole situation is redolent with menace. Conrad tries to resume his pitch, but U-Turn grows impatient with all the noise his entourage is making and hurls his knife at one of his compatriots, striking him right in the leg. He sends them to the room to clean him up, and says that if his knife doesn't come back clean, he'll be stabbing everybody. Maybe just ask for a new knife? Anyway, Conrad nervously says that Heylia can't know what they're doing, but U-Turn isn't scared of "no bitch," and tells Conrad that he'll be working for U-Turn, 60/40. Conrad stammers that he'll think about it.
Shitty "Mexican" family restaurant. Dean couldn't find a house. Sanjay's hydroponic workshop is booked for the three months. But Alejandro has good news: he's been called up to play for the Blue Jays. Congratulations all around! Nancy doesn't look too concerned to be losing him from her team. A waiter appears with Doug's "coffee," covered in whipped cream and sporting two sparklers. Doug: "Oh, I fucking hate chains." Exception noted: Fuddruckers.
In his room, Silas lets Megan in on his plan to get a van and follow her to Princeton. She Sidekicks him that he can't miss senior year, but he says he doesn't care; he'll get his GED. She worriedly tells him that he'll have nothing to do, but Silas blithely declares that he'll just enroll in a junior college. After a long moment, Megan gives him her final word: "No." Someone's looking to go gay 'til grad!
Heylia's. As she prepares fresh bruschetta and natters with Vaneeta, Conrad checks his phone, finding eight messages from Nancy, along the lines of "you have to do this for me" and "i only need a few minutes" and "please talk to me." Heylia offers him some bruschetta, but Conrad books. Once he's gone, Heylia asks Vaneeta where he's going, and Vaneeta says Heylia shouldn't play dumb: "You know he's looking for financing." Heylia smugly says that he'll give up soon enough, since no one in the industry will want to cross her. Vaneeta quietly says that Heylia's cold, but Heylia's doing it out of love. Scary, scary love.
Nancy slides open her bathroom door to reveal her plant to Conrad, and finally admits that she can't do the grow-op without him. As he inspects the rapidly browning plant, she swears up and down that things are over with Peter and that he doesn't know anything about what she does, and now she's still trying to make a go of this enterprise and she's surrounded by idiots. Conrad stares at her, and then announces that his plant is so much better than the one she bought. Nancy agrees, saying that his has "amazing tricombs." He asks if she's showing off now, but she says she's just getting started. Conrad makes Nancy re-confirm her assertions about Peter, asking whether he ever asked what she did. She says that he saw: she ran a bakery. And Peter told her straight up what he did, without any weirdness or dissembling. Conrad asks how Nancy broke it off, and she repeats her tale of not wanting to lose another man. Conrad agrees that that's a good cover. Nancy asks him again to do the grow-op with her. Conrad: "Shit." Nancy takes this to be her having broken him down entirely, and they dap on it, as she grins madly.
Later, the family dinner is happening barbecue-style, in the back yard. Nancy tells Silas that she hasn't forgotten about the bombshell he dropped earlier. Silas morosely says that the plan's off. Andy, disappointed, asks why. Nancy asks whether he had something to do with Silas's brilliant notion, but Andy denies it, and then Silas mopes that he and Megan broke up. He asks to change the subject, but just as Shane is getting rolling on bird flu, the phone rings. It's Peter. He's out front, and he's not leaving until he can talk to Nancy. He says he's walking up to her door, but she tells him to stop, and says she'll come out. Shane turns the topic to boogers as Nancy takes off.
In front of the house, Nancy hops into the front seat of Peter's truck, reminding him that she was clear when she said she couldn't see him. She babbles on for like three minutes as she reiterates her position, and when she finally stops for breath, Peter breaks the silence by declaring, "I know that you're a drug dealer." Nancy's brilliant cover is to let her entire face fall in horror, and then she staggers out of the truck, takes a few lurching steps along the sidewalk, and projectile-vomits into the lawn...directly under a campaign sign featuring Celia, holding the neighbour's yappy dog, under her promise of a return to family values. Sure, who could be better qualified to bring those back to Agrestic?