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The mystery of the week involves Bonnie -- of Tim and Bonnie and also Dick and Spinal Curvature Bonnie -- who suddenly found herself in the family way and then almost as suddenly found herself not so much anymore. However, the latter state came about only after someone slipped her RU-486, a.k.a. the Abortion Pill. Veronica's on the case and investigating both potential fathers: Dick, who wanted a paternity test before he spoke to Bonnie again, and Tim, who turned into the model expectant father. After a few red herrings that involved Bonnie's father's evangelical business (and business associates), Veronica unintentionally smokes out the real culprit: Bonnie's roommate, who had dreams for Bonnie that extended beyond barefoot pregnancy and a shotgun wedding. In other news, after Logan cops to hooking up with Madison and admitting that he lied to Veronica's face last week, he spends the rest of the episode acting distraught and pathetic. In order to assuage her day- and nightmares, in which visions of naked Madison and Logan dance in her head, Veronica gets Weevil to steal Madison's newest car with the idea of crunching it down into a tiny little metal box. Sadly for us grudge-holding, black-hearted, happily vengeful beings, Veronica gets religion and decides that giving in to anger isn't and sandy footstepped path she wants to follow. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Hello, dream sequence! Veronica is nestled happily in bed with Logan, but after she gets up and dressed -- much to Logan's languid protestations -- she finds herself on a snow-scaped balcony. Turning around, she sees Madison riding Logan like a hobbyhorse.
And then Veronica wakes up to a ringing phone. It's Logan, being cutesy about their special date that night, which Veronica is having none of, especially since she keeps seeing flashes of Madison throwing her hair around her naked shoulders. She gets off the phone quickly and VOs that every time she closes her eyes, she can see Madison and Logan doing the giant slalom in Aspen. Veronica needs to do something about her inward eye, because it's giving her neither bliss nor solitude.
At the library, Bonnie hesitantly approaches Veronica and quite shyly asks her to help Bonnie out with something: "I got pregnant and someone slipped me RU-486." "RU?" Veronica frowns, confused. Seriously? We're expected to believe that Veronica doesn't know what RU-486 is? That's just weird, and it undermines her character. Veronica is not that dumb. Bonnie explains that it causes a miscarriage, and that she wants Veronica to find out who did it.
Okay, I guess this would be a good place to point out that RU-486 and the "morning after pill," which is also known as Plan B, are not the same thing. One is taken after unprotected sex to prevent pregnancy from happening and the other -- RU-486 -- is taken to abort a pregnancy. Look, I'm a recapper and I get the attraction of being a punster, but as many have already queried, is a '70s music pun worth muddying the waters? ["Again?" -- Wing Chun] Given how political and important both RU-486 and the morning after pill are, I think not.
After the credits, Veronica wants to know if Bonnie is certain that the miscarriage wasn't a mistake. Bonnie tells her that her doctor determined that a rash and numbness in her hands and feet were signs of an allergic reaction to RU-486. The doc then did a blood test to confirm that RU-486 was indeed in her system. Veronica expresses her sympathy over the situation and says, "I'm looking for the least rude way to ask you if you know who the father was...and that's what I came up with." It was either Tim or Dick, and both of them knew about the pregnancy. At first, Bonnie was so freaked out that she asked if Dick would help pay for an abortion, but he demanded a paternity test before he shelled out any Casablancan cash. "Yeah, he's a classy dude," Veronica agrees. Tim, on the other hand, was really sweet and supportive. Veronica notes that Tim and Bonnie are back together. Bonnie acknowledges the Pi Sig party brouhaha, and says that she left Dick at the party to find Tim and beg his forgiveness. Veronica wants to know why Bonnie was with Tim in the first place, and Bonnie explains that he takes care of her: "He's like my dad in that way." Tim found out about Bonnie's pregnancy only when her parents sent her congratulatory balloons from "Grandma and Grandpa," and offered to marry her. "Your parents sent balloons?" Veronica demands, totally echoing my thoughts. Yeah, but Bonnie didn't tell them; her indiscreet and totally sueable family doctor did. Bonnie says that her parents finding out and Tim wanting to keep the baby changed her mind about getting an abortion. Would Tim still want the baby if it were Dick's? Veronica agrees to take the case, and promises that Tim won't know she's on it.
Veronica stalks into Logan's place, where he is putting the last touches on his cuff links. Noting Veronica's jeans and generally casual attire, Logan breezes, "Hope the maître d' is fashion-forward." "Did you and Madison have sex over Winter Break?" Veronica demands. That's the way to go! Logan looks down. Veronica chokes, "I asked you point-blank--" "And I lied," Logan affirms, not proudly, "point-blank. It wasn't information you had a right to know. I knew you wouldn't be able to deal with the Madison thing." That was SO considerate of him! He's always thinking of Veronica's feelings! "Which 'thing' are you talking about?" Veronica wonders angrily, "The 'she roofied me' thing? Or the thing when I stumbled to my car in the morning wondering where my virginity was and she'd written 'SLUT' on my windshield -- was that what you thought I couldnât deal with? I'm so genuinely sick right now, if I could eat anything I'd be throwing up all over your floor." Do it anyway! DO IT ANYWAY! Okay, how about a few dry heaves? Logan tries to pull the whole "we were on a break" thing but, dude, if it didn't work for squeaky-clean Ross and the girl from the copy shop, it sure as hell isn't going to work for your nasty ass and Madison. Veronica whirls around and sobs that Logan knows exactly how she feels about Madison: "There's no way that at some point when IT was happening that you weren't thinking about how much I hate you being with her." Logan pleads that "it wasn't like that." Veronica offers him one of many variations she has running on continuous loop in her head, and we get a blip of a few shots of them. Logan takes a step toward her and insists that he wasn't trying to hurt her. Veronica steps away from him and laughs mirthlessly: "Oh, really? Imagine if you tried." Logan begs to know what he can do. Veronica fixes him with a steady look of raw pain and half-pleads, half-orders, "Make it not true. Get it out of my head and never let me think about it again." Logan's mouth works silently. "'Cuz, unless you can do that, this is something I'm never getting past," Veronica concludes, and walks out. Veronica needs a session with the Haitian Sensation. Actually, no, then she would forget what a jackhole Logan is and be in danger of getting hurt by him once again. By the way, both actors rocked the hell out of that scene.
Couch Baron promised you all some previously held back tidbits from his latest interview with Rob Thomas, so here they are:
The interesting thing in my mind is that Veronica and Logan have been broken up for six weeks when [Logan and Madison's hookup] happens. It's a fleeting thing one night when they're drunk in Aspen together. Veronica can't get past that. This gets into a whole debate we have in the writers' room. There is a contingent, of which [producer] Diane [Ruggiero] and I are a part who experience this overpowering sexual jealousy, the kind so nicely illustrated in Chasing Amy: "I can't get past what you did when we weren't together." It's something that I've struggled with in my life -- I'm interested in that phenomenon. There are others, like John Enbom, who don't really get it: "Why are you jealous of something that happened when you weren't in a committed relationship with someone?" Fair enough, that's a logical response, but emotions, for those of us who aren't Vulcan, aren't dictated by logic. I'm certainly not proud of my own jealousy, nor is Veronica proud of hers, though I find hers much more excusable. She's seen so much unfaithfulness. She does everything she can to protect her own heart. She hates being vulnerable. On a side note, I eventually got over mine. Not sure whether to ascribe it to years of therapy or finding the right person.I'll be curious to hear fan reaction with regard to Logan. There are two diametrically opposed factors in play. Fans tend to react badly to people who do Veronica wrong, but they've been mostly quick to forgive Logan his many lapses in judgment, morality, etc. Where will this one land? Sleeping with Madison is certainly gross. But a guy getting drunk on vacation in the middle of a heartbreak? I can forgive Logan. I just don't know whether this particular audience will.
I'll tell you this the level of "bad behavior" I would accept from Logan today is smaller today that it was in Season 1 -- I would never have Logan organize a bumfight today. But sleep with a girl on vacation when he's heartbroken? I'm interested in testing that water.
Here's another thing that I think is so absolutely true-to-life that I think people may harp on -- I think the false relationship breakup/restart thing happens more often than it doesn't. I'm afraid that the audience will think I'm jerking them around, trying to have it both ways, which I'm absolutely not -- I'm trying to play the reality of relationships, and it's funny, because Logan and Veronica do have that moment of bliss when they get back together, where it's like, okay, we've realized how badly we need each other, but then this news drops, and Veronica can't process it. I wouldn't be able to process it. Or at least twenty-year-old Rob wouldn't be able to. Who am I kidding? Thirty-year-old Rob wouldn't handle it well, either.
Keith arrives at the Widder Dean's place with Backup to ask who was driving which car the night Dean Ed died. Widder Dean confirms that she normally drives the mini-van, but that she and Dean Ed switched cars that weekend. She looks down -- not meeting Keith's eyes -- and scratches her neck, adding, "Cyrus needed the van to haul his son's drum kit around while I was out of town." Keith notes the lack of eye contact. She's totally lying. Keith declines the Widder's offer of coffee, and thanks her for the info before leaving.
Hearst campus. Dick quietly scams on chicks. Veronica sidles up to him and quite loudly announces, "So! Bonnie Capistrano tells me you knocked her up and blew her off." "Yeah," Dick responds (is it just me, or have they made him incredibly nasal all of a sudden? Are they subtly trying to make him over into a geeky goofball instead of the sociopath he's been for the past two seasons?), "whatever happened with that?" Veronica suggests that Dick wears his hair all Beach Blanket Bingo to cover up the 666 on his scalp. Dick explains patiently that he told Bonnie to get a paternity test: "I'm not here to help her turn a profit." "I just feel like you have this wadded-up Maxim magazine where your heart is supposed to be," Veronica tells him. Dick scoffs that she's one to talk about being heartless, pointing out that she's running out of "rich bachelors' heads to mess with." Veronica tightens her face as Dick goes on: "Is it some sort of weird sport for you? You know, breaking dude's hearts? What -- you put another notch in your lipstick case?" I think Dick of all people could relate to notches and weird sports. Finally, Veronica announces, "Logan slept with Madison when you guys were in Aspen." Dick's face falls momentarily, and he looks away quickly before swallowing hard and scoffing, "And?" He scoffs wordlessly again, but then looks down and looks pissed. Veronica apologizes, "Sorry. Dick. Probably shouldn't have." She's all stilted, because who would be used to apologizing to Dick Casablancas? "What, me worry?" Dick says normally, and then sort of shouts, "Can we be done? I've got things to do." Again with the nasal -- what's going on? Dick looks around quickly and adds, "Redheaded things," before bounding after some chick named Nadia, who notes, "There's my big dumb blond!" Dick grins at Nadia, who has already started walking without him. Dick stutter-steps to catch up with her and walks sideways so that he can look at her before throwing an arm around her shoulder and looking back at Veronica triumphantly. Veronica VOs how liberating it must be not to have a moral compass.
Veronica visits Bonnie's dorm room and has a chat with her roommate, Phyllis, in which she learns that Bonnie harbors dreams of being the female Indiana Jones. I thought River Phoenix was the female Indiana Jones. Phyllis also tells Veronica that she and Bonnie have been friends since seventh grade, so she knew all about the pregnancy and the RU-486. On the topic of Tim, Phyllis announces that she hated the "arrogant little toad" from the moment she met him. However, Phyllis admits that Tim really stepped up with the whole pregnancy thing and explains, "He bought her What To Expect When You're Expecting; he got her, like, prenatal vitamins." Veronica leaps on this and says, "So, he was handing her pills? Could he --" Phyllis interrupts to insist that there's no way it was Tim, because he offered to marry Bonnie and was planning on talking to Bonnie's dad, "and you know how intimidating that would be." When Veronica mentions that Bonnie's family is "pretty religious," Phyllis switches on the TV to show Veronica just how religious "pretty religious" is. We are treated to an evangelist show from Capistrano Ministries. Phyllis says that "Papa Capistrano" is on all the time, and Veronica muses that Bonnie is a preacher's daughter.
Walking the dark halls of the university, Veronica VOs that Tim wouldn't have been able to get the RU-486 anywhere but online. Telling us that she plans on checking Tim's computer for clues, she rattles his office door handle and seems surprised that it's locked. Casting a look at the industrious janitor, and deciding that "there's nothing quite as satisfying as the hissyfit," Veronica goes into actress mode. She rattles the door loudly and violently, flings herself against it, and sobs that she hates the stupid thing. The mopping janitor pauses to watch this little display. Finally, Veronica slams her back against the door and slides dejectedly to a sitting position where she kicks and screams a bit more. Heh. As she dissolves into forced sobs, the janitor walks over to ask if she's okay. Veronica suddenly explains that itâs the "worst day ever" of her entire life. She was supposed to meet her brother at his office, but that he's not there, and not picking up his phone; worse than that, "he's not even [her] brother any more because [her] parents just told [her] that [she's] ADOPTED!" HAR! Whenever you want to go the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day route, "and I'm ADOPTED!" usually brings up trumps. The janitor looks up at the door and confirms that Veronica's banging on her brother's office. She is. Nice janitor pulls out his thick ring of keys and lets her in. Aw, sweet mopping man. Walking into the office, Veronica draws a sleeve across her snotting nose and thanks the janitor for being so helpful. Janitor makes an awesome "Jee-SUS!" face as he closes the door behind him.
Sitting at Tim's computer, Veronica runs into a dead end when she discovers that his computer is password-protected. However, not one to be stymied for long, Veronica pulls some wires out of her bag and gets right back to work.
Lying in bed that night, Veronica frets over the images of Logan and Madison that keep flashing in her mind, noting, "If I have to see this one more time, I'm having my frontal lobe removed." She gets out of bed and pads into the kitchen, meeting Keith, who is just arriving home with a conundrum for her. Keith puts the Volvo/Mini-Van issue to Veronica and asks who's lying, Nish or the Widder Dean. Veronica doesn't know, shrugging, "Both of them?" "Your lack of opinion concerns me," Keith non-Darth Vaders. (I love that spell-check doesn't bat a red underlining eye at "Darth Vader.") Veronica tells her dad about her break-up with Logan, adding that it was her decision this time. She also admits that she's really not okay about it. Keith kisses her forehead, and she goes back to bed.
Veronica runs Tim to ground and babbles something about her online grade showing up as a "B" when they both knows she got an "A." Tim really doesn't want to deal with her, but she follows him into back to his office, insisting that she wasn't looking at someone else's grade. Tim wonders why she didn't print out a grade report to prove this alleged mistake. "I shouldn't have to -- I should have the grade I earned" is Veronica's response as she joins Tim on the other side of his desk. My professor husband would like me to note that Veronica is way out of line to be standing behind Tim's desk, and that my husband wouldn't stand for such tomfoolery in his office. Tim doesn't stand for such tomfoolery either as he says, "Veronica? My space, your space," and shows her that her space is on the OTHER side of the desk. Hey, was that a Farscape shout-out? Veronica sits down and pulls some electrical tape out of her jacket as Tim checks her grade and finds it to be an "A." Veronica quietly unwinds the tape and sniffs, "Huh, maybe I was looking at someone else's grade." She shrugs and leaves.
Sitting in her car, Veronica VOs that the only excuse she has for her present obsessive activity is that she has totally lost her mind. She looks over and sees Madison exiting a day spa with her presumably wet nails held in the air. Good luck driving, beeotch. Madison impatiently hands over her claim ticket to valet and prisses herself as the attendant runs off. Veronica is now wearing huge dark glasses and an army cap as she tails Madison home in time to watch her receive a new birthday Mercedes from her doting family. It's burgundy and old lady ugly. Veronica notes that after all this angst-filled spying, at least she's reminded to get Mac a present. Dude, why don't I get to recap Mac, dammit?! Two weeks and nothing! Speaking of nothing, where the hell is Wallace? Veronica focuses her camera and shoots a snap of Madison's new license plate: "GOTZMINE." Anyone who names their kid "Madison" has seen Splash one too many times. Veronica, who had been having a back in forth in her head between Crazy Veronica and Sane Veronica, decides that the license plate is the last straw, and tells Crazy Veronica to show Madison no mercy.
Back at Tim's office, Veronica lets herself in by way of the taped-down door catch, and removes her tiny cameras and recording equipment from a lampshade and under the desk. You know, I thought I was up on all the gadgetry of the times, but the thing that Veronica removes from the black casing and sticks into her laptop as though it were a data stick looks like an iPod shuffle. Can you do that with the Shuffles? Even if you can't, I admit that I do love the gadgets on this show, especially when Mac performs the role of Q and doles them out to Veronica when she's about to go on a case. With everything hooked up, Veronica gets a shot of Tim's fingers picking out his password, which, to Veronica's eye-rolling delight, is "DICK TRACY." Veronica logs into Tim's computer and gets a load of Tim's desktop wallpaper. It's an unmistakable silhouette of Sherlock Holmes. The thing I find hysterical is that it's a silhouette of Sherlock Holmes against a cloudy sky. Like it's a photograph. A posed photograph. A Tim posed photograph. Veronica looks through Tim's browser history until she sees that he was visiting the Neptune Women's Clinic after he performed a few searches like "what to know about pregnancy" and "pregnancy week to week." Veronica is momentarily distracted when she sees a folder on the desktop titled "O'Dell-suicide?" Opening it, Veronica realizes that Tim is investigating the Dean's death, and has folders titled "Forensics," "Suspects," and "Witnesses." Now, won't Veronica change the modified date upon opening these files and folders? In "Witnesses," there's a document for Weevil and another for someone named Anthony Martin, who is labeled as an "earwitness." Anthony heard the shot while walking home drunk from the Pi Sig party, but he was unable to determine time of death. There's a knock at a door that made me jump out of my skin. I have the hardest time when Veronica is rifling through people's stuff and computers on this show -- it makes me very nervous. However, the knock wasn't at Tim's office...
...but at Anthony Martin's door. Veronica gets no answer at Anthony's place, so she leaves a message on his wipeboard: "For a good time, call..." I think we can fill in the rest.
Speaking of bad times, Logan sits on his bed in the clothes he was wearing the last time we saw him. He is now tieless, but appears to have at least one -- if not two -- cuff links still in place. A pizza box and newspapers litter the bed, so at least we know that he's not so heartbroken that he can't eat or keep up with daily happenings around the globe. Dick throws open the double doors, plants his feet slightly apart, squares his shoulders, and demands to know whether Logan hooked up with Madison. There's something white draped over Logan's lamp. I think/hope it's a sock. "I did," Logan rasps through his days-old scrub. Dick looks down. Logan tries to explain that "it just happened," and mutters something about not thinking Dick had any feelings left for her. Dick marshals his minor emotions and announces, "It's still not cool. You don't do that to a buddy." Seriously, Gavin. Dick turns away, but looks back at Logan to add, "And by the way, you laying [sic] here in the dark is PATHETIC!" Wow, that forced a loud "You go, Dick!" out of me. That's never happened before. Well, not in this context. I think that was my favorite scene of this entire episode.
Veronica's stop is to check in on Bonnie's preachy father before she heads off to the women's clinic listed on Tim's computer. Arriving at Capistrano Ministries, Veronica passes a car with a license plate -- what's with all the vanity plates this ep? -- that reads "GODZLUVV." Straight from the Bible, yo. Okay, and the plate is framed by blingalicious gold chain. Wouldn't a crown of thorns be more appropriate? Veronica cites the license plate as the reason why she doesn't trust televangelists. I'd cite last week'sSupernatural as another reason not to. Inside a green warehouse that's been painted with Jesus holding his staff and his lambs of God, Veronica takes in all the Jesusphenalia. A smarmy dude comes up and asks Veronica what she wants. Veronica affects shyness, and chokes out that it's "kinda personal." "Well, if you're here to see if your skirt is long enough, the answer is no!" Smarm notes, looking at her legs before immediately laughing and calling himself an old fogey. He's an old something. Smarm starts to say that Veronica caught them at a bad time, but is interrupted by the Reverend Capistrano himself asking "Thurman" what's up. Smarm Thurman gestures at Veronica, who quickly introduces herself as "Hester" and tells "Rev. Ted" that she was hoping he could help her.
Not at all smarmy, Rev. Ted talks to Veronica Prynne in his office. She tells him that she's pregnant and doesn't know what to do. Rev. Ted muses that she can't think he'd have any opinion other than that she should keep the baby. Veronica stumblingly says that her parents will disown her. All this is to get Rev. Ted to talk about his daughter, her pregnancy, and how his daughter lost the baby. Rev. Ted is very trembly and sad, so Veronica reaches across a Bible and squeezes his hand.
At the clinic, Veronica has explained the RU-486 slippage to a doctor, and that this clinic is the only place the drug is locally available. Since the slipper could have been one of the potential fathers, Veronica wonders if a guy could ever come in and get the drug for his wife or girlfriend. The doctor immediately rules this out, saying that the only way RU-486 can be administered is for the woman in question to take the drug in the office. No exceptions. Veronica wonders if it's possible for someone to hide it under her tongue or palm it to get it out of the office. The doctor shrugs that anything is possible, but that she really can't tell Veronica about any patients who came into the clinic to take the drug within a certain timeframe. And here is the place to point out that clinics are not supposed to administer RU-486 without a ultrasound and pregnancy test. Furthermore, RU-486 isn't just a single pill -- it's a course of several. The research on this should have been better.
Veronica leaves the clinic and answers a call from Anthony, the earwitness. "I am ABSOLUTELY a good time!" she confirms. This she says loudly as she passes through the gates of the women's clinic. Hee.
In Anthony's dorm room, Veronica questions him about what he heard the night the Dean died, and wonders why he didn't report it. Anthony didn't think there was much to report until he saw the news of the Dean's death the day. Also, he adds, he didn't need "another alcohol infraction" on his record. Couldn't he have left the drunk part out if he was just reporting a sound he heard? Veronica wonders how Tim found out if Anthony has never met him. Well, Anthony blabbed to his friends about what he heard, and it clearly got back to Tim. Veronica learns exactly nothing more from Anthony and prepares to leave, adding, "If you think of anything..." Anthony, desperate to keep Veronica there, jumps up and remembers something: that night he turned on Space Ghost, giggling, "Terry Jones was the guest. They went on about Spam."
Veronica leaves Anthony's dorm thinking, "According to the website, they rerun Space Ghost at 2:30; it probably takes ten minutes to stumble from the administration building back to the dorm." Veronica's thoughts are arrested by the back of a chick's head. The hair looks like Madison's wig. Veronica has Madi-flashes until she gets a look at the chick's face and sees that it's not her. I know Madison wouldn't have much reason to be on the Hearst campus when she's supposed to be up in Pasadena at USC, but when you're obsessed with someone, you do start seeing her everywhere.
Veronica tracks down Weevil and asks if he still has his golden touch with stealing cars and having them crushed. Weevil makes musing noises and jokes, "What happened, did you break up with Logan?" Veronica's smile and eyes drop as she fingers her necklace. Weevil glances at her hard and nods, "Good for you. I'd be happy to have Logan's car crushed." Ah, but that's not the target; the target is a grandma Mercedes with an obnoxious license plate. Veronica hands over the address and tells him the license plate. Weevil is surprised that the car hasn't been already crushed for the license plate alone; when he finds out that it's Madison's car, he remembers how Madison lost a hubcap in high school and told the principal Weevil stole it for drug money. Just as Weevil is confirming, "So you want her car cubed," a bespectacled chick comes by to thank Weevil enthusiastically for fixing the thermostat. "Oh, you're welcome," says Weevil with a surprisingly fake smile, "And the time I need some literature compared, I know you'll be there for me." He gives her a little wave. Is he being sarcastic here? If so, the bespectacled girl doesn't get it as she smiles happily and says, "Okay!" Weevil wonders if Madison's car has anything to do with Logan. "Did I come her for therapy or to get a car stolen and cubed?" Veronica wonders. Weevil looks over the piece of paper and snits, "GOTZMINE, huh?" Oh, his squeaky little voice was hysterical there. Weevil admits that he has been wondering if he still has the touch. He adds that it's going to cost Veronica five hundred big ones. Veronica's jaw drops as Weevil notes, "That is the going rate, right?"
House of Mars. Veronica bursts in with the news about Anthony hearing the shot around 2:20. Keith doesn't seem impressed, which makes Veronica stop short and wonder what's up. Keith shows her an envelope he found in their mailbox, filled with photos of her leaving the women's clinic, and asks if there's anything she wants to tell him. Keith reads a letter aloud that tells him his daughter was seen patronizing a place that is known to perform abortions. Veronica can't believe the gall of "these people": "They sit up in a building with their telephoto lens and take pictures of people in their most private and personal moments -- that's disgusting!" Veronica announces with nary a shred of irony. Keith points out that it's not disgusting, it's how they pay the rent. Veronica argues that it's not the same thing. Keith gets back to the topic at hand: is Veronica preggers? No, of course not! Keith heaves a huge sigh as Veronica explains that she was at the clinic for her RU-486 case. There's no return address or postage on the envelope -- how did they know where Veronica lived? She hasn't been home since the clinic, right? -- but there are a lot of God-y pamphlets accompanying the photos. Veronica picks up a bookmark with the name of a publishing company on it: Good Word Press. "Harassing women in crisis since 1973," Veronica drawls happily. "You think you wanna get all up in their bidness?" Veronica asks Keith. And how.
Arriving at Good Word Press, Veronica and Keith profess to be Carson Drew and his assistant Nancy (hee!), looking for whoever it is that publishes the religious pamphlets. Good Word Presston cops to it, but immediately goes off about how it's his constitutional right to publish the stuff. Keith spins a tale about how they are PIs representing the family of a boy who is engaged to a chick who might be less than pure. The family wants the chick investigated because they heard she recently terminated a pregnancy at the Neptune Free Clinic. Good Word Presston shakes his head, all personally put out by such an act. "I know," Veronica says, feelingly, which makes me giggle. This is all just so that she can look at the photos that are taken of the women as they leave the women's clinic. Good Word Presston points at some books and invites her to have at them. Veronica starts flipping pages and spots a snap of Dick's redheaded Nadia just as Smarm Thurman walks in. Their cover blown, Keith and Veronica hightail it out of the Good Word.
Outside, Keith notes that he and Veronica have done better, and then catches sight of the blinged GODZLUVV license plate. "Tasteful," he decides. Veronica thinks they did okay, because she recognized Nadia in the photo book.
Veronica tracks Dick down in the caf. He's reading some girlie mag, so Veronica gets off, "Wow, Modern Breast, I hear that's really hard." Dick zings back, "The rebound starts with me? Niiiice." Why am I seeing flashes of Veronica and Logan's relationship from Season 1, like, way before they ever got together? Please don't go down that pathetic path. Please. Veronica asks what Nadia's last name is. "Comaneci," Dick provides without batting an eyelash. Veronica wonders how dumb he thinks she is, and explains the whole Olympic gymnast thing. "You sure?" Dick asks. "I mean, she doesn't have an accent." Hard to tell when Dick's being deadpan and when he's just being dumb. Veronica tells him not to play dumb, and talks about Nadia showing up at the women's clinic. She supposes that Nadia was there to get the RU-486 at Dick's bidding. Dick hopes Nadia was there for a box of sponges: "If we aren't going to have an empty sexual encounter, I've kinda got stuff to do, so..." Veronica stares him down. Dick gets the message and leaves.
Elsewhere on campus, Veronica lies in wait for Nadia. When the redhead finally appears, Veronica says she had to go to a whole lot to get Nadia's class schedule. Nadia's all, "Okay, stalker!" Veronica wants to talk to her about "[her] pal Dick." "Dick?" Nadia repeats. "Dick Casablancas," Veronica clarifies. Nadia still doesn't show signs of knowing what the hell she's talking about. Veronica says she saw the two of them walking together, and tells Nadia that Dick said her last name was "Comaneci." Nadia laughs, realizing at last whom Veronica is referring to, and says, "Okay, that Dick. Yeah, um, I got drunk at a party and I made out with him for like five seconds and then I gave him a fake name." Veronica just stares at her. "What, would you want him calling you?" Nadia asks and walks away. "Good point," says Veronica's face.
I found this scene to be really quite odd. Keith gets a desperate call from the Widder Dean. She's panicked because she can hear someone rifling around downstairs, and she has sequestered herself and her kids upstairs. She didn't call the police because Keith is closer and competent. See, she knows he's closer because when he stopped by with Backup, he mentioned that he was only ten blocks away. I found that a strange comment to make at the time, but it had to be a setup for this.
Anyway, I was starting to think that the Widder was setting a trap for Keith. Then, as he creeps up to the house dressed like a cat burglar, black knit skullcap and all, I get even more worried. The door is standing wide open, and a hooded character walks out, carrying something. Keith bangs him on the back of the head, and the intruder drops the frozen turkey he's carrying and falls on his face. Keith rolls him over and, oh lord, it's the zombie formerly known as Richard Grieco.
Inside the house, Grieco is smacked back to consciousness by Keith's light touch. Keith tells the Widder to call the cops. "Yeah," Freako mutters, "give 'em a call -- I'm sure they'd love to hear all the fun and games my ex has been up to." Freako's hand is shaking, and at first, I was like, "Dude, what is WRONG with Richard Grieco? He's emaciated and grey and now he has the shakes?" But then when Keith makes the meth addict comment later, I realized that was just part of Freako's role. Of course, there's still the possibility that he's a method actor. Get it? Meth-od? Anyway, Freako threatens to tell the cops about the kidnapping and bone marrow stealing that both Keith and the Widder were involved in. Keith reminds Freako that he wasn't forced to sign the papers, and that he also got some cash and a Porsche in the bargain. Well, the Porsche just got repossessed because, since the Dean died, the Widder hasn't been able to keep up with the car payments or the money she owed her ex. Freako's bone marrow son comes downstairs to hug his father. The other kid -- Gram, the goth one -- stalks downstairs and off into another room. Keith watches the Widder watch him worriedly. Freako decides that it's time for him to leave, and suggests that he and his son go to a Lakers game week. He clutches at himself before taking some flowers out of a crystal vase, saying, "There's that vase." Freako leaves with the vase. Okay, random! The vase looks like a Target special, which, don't get me wrong, I love Target. I grew up in Minneapolis, where Target was born, and going there was soothing and fun and a damn good haul, but it's not the place to buy the kind of crystal vase you can trade on the street for crystal meth.
Keith goes to check on Gram Stoker, knocking on and opening Gram's door. Gram sneers, "What do you want?" from under a glaring brow and a forehead almost large enough to make Gram the goth Dawson. Gram's room is decorated in the usual angsty, gothy teen style -- lots of blocked light and a British flag. Add a few more pentagrams, pyramids, and "Oi, Oi, Oi!"s and you have my older sister's room. Gram Stoker is also listening to headphones out of which loud music spews. Keith just wanted to make sure everything is okay. "Everything is awesome," Gram tells him sarcastically, fingering the headphones with his black painted nails. Keith nods, gives the room an appraising look, and closes the door.
Downstairs, Keith says he thinks Gram Stoker is okay, but admits that it's hard to tell. The Widder explains that Dean Ed was thinking of sending Gram to a "teen discipline school," but she doesn't even know if that would work. Keith makes moves toward home, advising the Widder to call the cops the time Freako shows up: "People with his kind of problem can be more trouble than you realize." Widder snorts, "Which problem?" Keith explains that he saw a lot of meth heads in his years as sheriff. The Widder admits that Freako has been in and out of rehab, and decides that she is too freaked by her ex's vase snatching to let Keith go home. She asks him to stick around a bit longer. Keith agrees, and asks if he can pour himself a drink admitting, "My nerves are a bit frayed myself." Heh -- nice lie. It would take more than brittle Richard Freako stealing a Target vase and a frozen turkey to fray Keith's nerves. The man dragged himself across a desert with a murdering Irishman on his ass, for chrissake! The Widder invites Keith to help himself. Keith pulls a glass out of the kitchen cupboard and looks around before making for the garage. He walks over to the Volvo and picks something out of the windshield. For the life of me, I don't know what it is. It looks like lint. Or a piece of paper. Or a squashed babies-breath blossom. Is it supposed to be dried egg? Because that wouldn't look so white or solid. The other night, Belchaimaera took me gently by the hand and explained that it's probably eggshell. God, I'm way too dumb. Anyway, the Widder catches Keith in the garage and wonders what he's doing. Keith plasters a bland look on his face, explaining, "Growing up, my parents would keep the adult beverages in the fridge out in the garage." He's lucky there's a fridge out in the Widder's garage. The Widder nods tightly and gestures back at the house, saying that they keep all their stuff in the kitchen.
On the balcony, Logan gives the fiery San Diego sunset a depressed gaze as he finishes a drink. Back inside, he slams the glass down and picks up the phone to drunk-dial Veronica. Getting her voicemail, he rambles that she must be out digging through someone's trash, interrogating one of her friends, or beating out a confession. He announces that if she digs deep enough, she'll discover that everyone's a sinner. Yeah, but dude? Some sins are worse than others. "Judge not, Veronica," Logan preaches, "et cetera, et cetera." He then tells himself to stay on message, and chokes out that it's encouraging that someone out there still has such high expectations of him. He says that he would give anything if he could take back that night with Madison. Better not to even say her name here, dude. He's sorry he caused Veronica so much pain, he's sorry it happened, and he really loves Veronica.
Veronica flits around her kitchen the morning, trading yuks with Keith over the title of her philosophy text, Either/Or. Keith picks the paper and notes that Rev. Ted is leaving cable access for "the big time." He's going to FOX? Smarm Thurman is pictured as Rev. Ted's CFO. I wonder why the Rev. himself isn't pictured instead. I mean, he is the talent. I know, I know -- it was all about Keith recognizing Smarm Thurman's face from the Good Grief Press office, but still. Keith wonders if a ministry should even have a CFO. Veronica and I think not. "You don't think he did it, do you?" Keith asks Veronica, referring to the RU-486 doping. "He struck me as being aggressively pro-life." Veronica speculates about how it would look for a televangelists to be saddled with an unmarried pregnant daughter: "A fly in the collection place, perhaps?" Veronica calls Bonnie and asks if she trusts Smarm Thurman. Not really, is the answer, so Veronica explains that she wants to search his office during today's service. Bonnie can get Veronica into the service if Veronica can get there in fifteen minutes and in church clothes.
The thing we see is Veronica leaving her room in a fussy, almost tweedy suit, with her blouse hanging out. Either that's supposed to be a fashion statement or we are being effectively shown how uncomfortable Veronica is in such establishmentist clothes. Frankly, I'm surprised that she even has a suit. I'm not surprised that she would have had church-appropriate attire, which would just be nice slacks or skirt and a conservative top, but the suit thing? Not so much our Veronica. Then again, she does have to go undercover, so she probably has clothes for all occasions. On her way out, Veronica notes that she has a voice message. She listens to Logan's message as far as "Ah, Veronica's voicemail. So where are you, Veronica? Out digging through someone's trash?" before Keith comes out and asks if she's okay. Veronica hangs up and responds, "No, just...old crap." She deletes the message. Good girl.
On her way to Bonnie's dorm, Veronica gets a call from Weevil, inviting her to see German engineering reduced to a cube. Smiling with delight, Veronica says that she'll be there after church, and thanks him. Weevil hangs up, and repeats, "Church." He raises his eyebrow skeptically. Hee. I'm so glad to see his janitorial uniform hasn't neutered him; I was beginning to worry.
Rev. Ted appears on the scene and is surprised to see Veronica standing at his daughter's door. He didn't know they knew each other. Bonnie opens the door and perks, "Oh, hi -- you two met?" Rev. Ted walks in and says they did, but that Hester never told them she and Bonnie were friends. "'Hester'?" Bonnie asks Veronica, who just makes a face at her. Rev. Ted is about to delicately ask after Veronica's health when Phyllis comes into the room, squeaking, "Reverend Ted!" Rev. Ted greets her as his "other daughter" and gives her a big hug. While they babble in the background about weight loss and cheesecakes (I don't know), Veronica is examining something on what must be Bonnie's bookshelf. She pulls What To Expect When You're Expecting off the shelf and notes the "Does Everyone Go To Heaven?" bookmark stuck in it. Stricken by the site of the bookmark, Veronica bursts out that she thinks Tim slipped Bonnie the RU-486. But haven't we already established sort of beyond a shadow of a doubt that Tim could not have gotten it from the clinic? Bonnie looks traumatized, and Phyllis looks down. Rev. Ted doesn't know what is going on, but before he gets an explanation, Bonnie wants to know why Veronica thinks Tim's the guilty one. Veronica slides the bookmark out of the book, explaining, "This bookmark is a gift sent by a pro-life group to everyone who comes out of the Neptune Clinic. It's the only clinic in the area that provides RU-486. It's some sort of shame campaign -- I just found it in the book Tim gave you." Bonnie looks over at Phyllis, horrified. "By the way," Veronica tells Rev. Ted, "your CFO works for the same group." See, I guess I just figured that Rev. Ted had some sort of agreement or support with Good Grief Press, too, and that he might hand out those bookmarks to his parish and therefore to his daughter. I guess he's not supposed to be that wacko. It's actually sort of refreshing that they didn't smack all religious peoples with a brush dipped in the same crazy tar.
Rev. Ted finally catches up, realizing what happened with Bonnie's miscarriage and wondering why she didn't tell him. Bonnie just says, "Phyllis." "Bonnie?" Veronica asks, as Phyllis looks up from where she was guiltily hanging her head. Bonnie slowly says that Tim didn't give her the book; Phyllis did. Phyllis tries to explain that she had Bonnie's interests at heart. Veronica stands there staring open-mouthed at the can of worms she dumped all over the floor. She genuinely didn't want or expect that this would be the way she would solve the case. Phyllis goes on to say that neither Dick nor Tim was worthy of Bonnie, or of being the father of Bonnie's child. Bonnie continues to look sick and horrified as Rev. Ted puts two bracing hands on Bonnie's shoulders. Phyllis rants that the baby would have destroyed all of Bonnie's plans and goals: "No career at all -- just divorce and a baby to support. And you have dreams, Bonnie, and I was trying to help you." Phyllis sobs that Bonnie was going to give up the baby until her parents found out. Phyllis is sorry. Finally, Bonnie finds her voice: "Sorry? You're sorry? GET OUT! I CAN'T LOOK AT YOU RIGHT NOW I WANT YOU OUT OF MY SIGHT!" For some reason, the actress playing Bonnie went decidedly Southern in her accent there. Well, even if the character isn't from Texas, Carlee Avers is. Maybe her accent slips in when she gets emotional. As Phyllis continues to try to apologize, the preacher's daughter starts screaming at her to go to hell. Damn, when your daddy's a minister, that phrase seems to take on way more force. Phyllis retreats to her bed to cry, while Rev. Ted holds his daughter back and tries to calm her down: "She didn't mean to hurt you, she didn't mean to. Try to be forgiving. It's the only way. Anger will tear you down, it will make you less of the person that you want to be." Hey, save it for church, bub. Meanwhile, Rev. Ted looks right at Veronica and says, "Anger will tear apart your soul." Oh, MAN! This means she's not going to cube the car. Fuck. I was looking forward to that. Stupid better self prevailing.
Veronica arrives at the car lot or junk heap or whatever these places are, and we still have a VO of Rev. Ted telling us what the Bible teaches us: "That he who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit can capture a city. He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly." I assume that when Rev. Ted says "the Bible," he means the New Testament? Because let me tell you, there's lots of anger and quick tempers in the fire and brimstone of the Old Testament. Even with God -- remember that flood? God got so pissed off at how humans were acting that He wiped them all out and then regretted it later. Of course, He still went and killed off the people of Sodom and Gomorrah. So yeah, God? Not exactly slow to anger. Moses either; he broke the first set of commandments in a hissyfit. Veronica ponders Rev. Ted's words as she watches a car get cubed, thinking that no amount of car crushing will heal her own crushed heart. Weevil joins her and says that they're ready to go: "I even washed it so it'd be shiny when we crushed it. I know it doesn't sound logical, but trust me, it's much better." Of course it's much better; I never would have thought of that. Veronica tells Weevil that she's changed her mind. Weevil gives her the eye and asks if she's sure, since he did go to the trouble of stealing it. Veronica hands over some money "for the effort." Weevil just shrugs, clearly disappointed. Veronica suggests that he open a can of tuna in the AC vent before returning it. No, that's LAME! Crush the damn car, Veronica! Weevil smiles that he can do that. As Veronica leaves, Weevil shakes his head and shouts, "You're going soft, Mars!" Seriously -- sing it, Weevil! Veronica smiles privately to herself and keeps walking.
week: Baron Von Couchi returns!