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There's a vote on campus over the issue of getting rid of the Greeks, and Patty Hearst is the trustee of Hearst College (okay, heh) who has the swing vote, but she goes missing. Was there a reference there I'm supposed to be getting? Patty is also the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, and Dean Ed is none too happy with Lamb's complacency in searching for Patty, so he hires Team Mars to find her. Veronica discovers that Fern was working at the reception, and Fern tells Veronica that she relayed a phone call to Patty right before she disappeared. Keith goes to see Patty's husband, who apparently married her because he saw more, if that means anything to you. He's also in a wheelchair. Keith meets the husband's prissy assistant who can't hold a candle to Daniel Davis, and also learns that Patty employs a dog walker who goes to Hearst. Said walker turns out to be Keri Lynn Pratt from the second episode, and Keri tells Veronica that the assistant is in total gay love with Mr. Sheffield (that's Patty's husband, for the Nanny non-watchers). Keith and Veronica follow a lead and find Patty at the end of the fourth act, and she doesn't want to be rescued. I'm still not understanding the stuntcasting here. Patty's holing up because of something to do with Keri and secret lesbianism and extramarital affairs and divorce settlements, and I'll parse the whole thing in the recap, but man, was there a heaping helping of meta in Patty's speech there. Anyway. Keith and Veronica use Lamb to foil Keri and Mr. Sheffield's evil plan, and Patty gets a divorce while Mr. Sheffield gets screwed. Also getting screwed are the Pi Sigs, as Patty gives them the big thumbs down. Just in time, as the Pi Sigs are about to kick off "Sex Quest '06," in which they award themselves points for all their sexual exploits, much like they did last season, which was...also in '06. Okay. Chip gets his head shaved by an unknown assailant. On top of that, Dick lets it spill that the assailant stuck something where, as Dick puts it, "the sun don't shine." It's taking the concept of fraternity pretty far, but I wonder if Chip's going to insist that everyone do it. The something in the dark place is a plastic Easter egg, and it holds a date, and Veronica learns that, on said date, a girl fell off a sorority-house roof. Said girl, Patrice, just happened to be Claire's best friend, and in a confrontation with Claire, Nish, and Fern, Veronica learns that the secret room with the two-way mirror, also from the second episode, used to exist. In said room, Patrice took off her clothes, and when the lights came on, all the Pi Sigs made fun of her, and basically inflicted such emotional distress on her that she eventually intentionally walked off the roof. Veronica, now understanding the real reason behind Claire's fake rape, wonders if all the rapes were faked, but although the show seems to want you to go in that direction, that wouldn't seem too likely even if I didn't know there was one more episode to go in this arc. Finally, Logan and Veronica have a fight over the fact that, in light of last week's attack, he wants her to stay away from the rape case. Veronica is not having any part of that, so Logan counters by hiring some security to shadow her. When she inevitably finds out, she flips, and he tells her he loves her. And she...says she loves him too. Well, she says, "Yeah," but it is in answer to the right question. However, things are not okay, as at the end, Veronica ignores a call from Logan...only he sees her do it. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
A couple of guys are tossing a Frisbee on one of the lawns at Hearst when one of them gives the other a "go deep" gesture. In chasing the Frisbee, one of the dudes trips over Chip, lying face down on the grass in his underwear, with most of his head shaved. The other dude takes a picture of Chip on his phone. It's fitting enough that going deep led them to cross Chip's path, given their recent acquaintance.
Hearst FreePress. Veronica is talking to the new editor, who's a nerdy yet imperious type. He tells her that her portfolio was on the editor's desk when he took over; he understands that Veronica and Nish had "some baggage," but that's nothing to him. It's also nothing to Entertainment Weekly, if the scathing words they've been writing about this season are any indication. He asks whether Veronica knows about "the election," and Veronica exposits that the Board of Trustees is gathering to vote on a resolution to remove the Greek system from Hearst. The editor says that the vote is the day, but that there's a reception for the trustees that evening, and that he needs Veronica to shoot it: "Bonus points if you get the Dean wearing a lampshade." Oh, man. Dean Ed giving anyone who'll listen the "Lishen, lishen, lishen -- I LUV you guysh" speech would be enough to make my head explode in the very best way. The editor says, though, that what he's really after are pictures of the school's "most famous alum and board member, Selma Rose." Veronica asks if that's Selma Hearst Rose, and the editor confirms that: she's the granddaughter of the founder of the college "and heir to the HearstMart fortune." So we could have titled this episode "Selma's Choice," and if that's not a clear enough Simpsons reference for you, I'll point out that the real name of the actress playing Selma is named Patty Hearst. And if the Patty/Selma thing isn't clear enough for you, Veronica will be helping you out soon enough. Veronica reminisces that her mom loved Selma (and despite what I did in the recaplet, I'm going to have to refer to her as Selma and not Patty, because otherwise I have to go along with the idea that Patty Hearst didn't exist in the Marsverse, which is just too weird), and adds that Lianne was "California's last flower child." I'm torn between asking Veronica just how much of California she's actually seen and asking her just exactly where Lianne got her poppies. Anyway, Veronica and the new editor discuss a stunt of Selma's where she liquidated her trust fund and dumped the money over Watts from a plane, and if Patty didn't quite do exactly this in real life, it should at least have appeared as an Asterisk on Fametracker. The editor adds that Selma was arrested for causing riots and spent a month in jail: "Perhaps the most embarrassing case of noblesse oblige of the twentieth century." Heh. All this fun is interrupted by the two Frisbee guys coming in and, upon confirming that the paper pays for photos, producing a large image of Chip lying where they found him. The editor recognizes Chip, and Veronica stares at the picture in disbelief, not that I blame her. It's no fun getting scooped in your first five minutes on the job.
Veronica's leaving home to go to the reception. Keith calls out to say that Logan left a couple of messages, which Veronica answers with a breezy acknowledgement. Actually getting out the door proves to be more difficult, though, since the message-leaver is standing there when Veronica opens it. He tells her that they need to talk, and Veronica says that she hasn't gotten back to him yet because she hasn't had time to have a discussion. You could, say, schedule a talk for some future time, Veronica -- they have these things called "electronic organizers" that can help. If only you were better with gadgets, I wouldn't have to tell you these things. Anyway, Logan informs Veronica that he wants her to drop the rape investigation, since it's clear that the culprit knows who she is. Veronica, in a low, anxious voice, tells Logan that Keith doesn't know about her hair (and she's wearing a quite different 'do this week to cover up the damage). I'm not sure how Keith didn't get a glimpse of that in the whole time Veronica was incapacitated, but whatever. Anyway, Veronica points out that Logan was all for her sleuthing when Mercer was in trouble, but Logan says that was before she got attacked, and soon he's raised his voice, which causes Keith to emerge and tell Logan that he might want to stop yelling at Veronica. Logan: "You might want to start." Looks like the détente might be over -- time to put the lamps in storage. Logan storms out, and Veronica covers by saying that he's just worried about her. Keith wonders if he has a reason to be. Other than THE RAPIST attacking her, Keith? With the DRUGGING and all? I mean, I know you don't know about all of that, but even without the hair, it's not the hardest leap to make, you know? Keith tells Veronica he's always a phone call away. I hope the short bus has good pickup.
Veronica's snapping photos. We pan over to Selma asking Dean Ed, "How can I be the swing vote if you know which way I'm going to swing?" Given what we learn later, you kind of have to admire her for bringing a whole other degree of relevance to that sentiment. Veronica asks for a picture, and Selma hands Dean Ed a napkin to wipe the Thousand Island dressing off his face. As Veronica shoots away, Dean Ed tells Selma that she should be nice to him, since he's about to kiss her ass. Well, Dean Ed, even for those people who are into that, the dressing would probably be a deal-breaker.
Cut to Dean Ed introducing "new trustee" Selma to the room...only she's nowhere to be found. The crowd's reaction is stunned silence, which makes their status as non-speaking extras all the more convenient.
Lamb is asking Dean Ed, "Foul play. You think? What makes you think so?" Because Patty Hearst is a God-awful actress, and they must have stunt-cast her for some reason? (Actually, her acting is so bad that it goes around the bend and back to enjoyable for me. At least no one can accuse her of trying too hard.) Lamb thinks that "rich ladies aren't the most reliable creatures," which in turn makes me think that receipts were way down this year at the Sheriff Department's fundraiser. Go for the striptease time, dude. Dean Ed is not thrilled with Lamb's blasé attitude, so when Lamb happens to use the expression "dollars to donuts," Dean Ed takes the opening to snark, "You'd be the donut expert." Well, it's bear claws in his case, but the judges will allow it. Lamb sees Dean Ed make a beeline for Veronica, and chews his cheek at the observation.
Veronica is walking to her car and telling Keith: "Beer off your belly, hand out of your boxers, put on some pants": she's bringing home a visitor. That's one of her Simpsons references, for those of you who are unfamiliar and thus grossed out. Seeing a shadowy figure somewhere nearby, Veronica hangs up, pulls out Mr. Sparky, and moves.
Chez Mars. Dean Ed is telling Keith and Veronica that he's known Selma for twenty years: put a crowd and a microphone in front of her, and she's not going anywhere without being dragged. He adds that the sheriff is an idiot: "I've met smarter sandwiches." Probably none quite as tasty, though. Dean Ed concludes that Selma's been kidnapped; laments the fact that Hearst has had rapes, riots, and now abductions; and says that he needs the Marses to find her. Keith rather limply nods his way into the opening credits.
As Dean Ed is heading out, he remembers to tell Keith that one of the other board members saw Selma talking to a waitress shortly before she disappeared. He leaves, and Keith suggests that he should go talk to the family, while Veronica can handle the waitress and the caterer. Veronica likes this plan, and finger-guns Keith -- "high road" -- then herself -- "low road. Got it." Hee. When was the last time they worked together on a MotW? It's nice.
Low road. Veronica, wearing a bandanna on her head to hide the bald spot, is asking the rather put-upon-acting caterer for the names of her waitstaff. After Veronica name-drops Dean Ed, the woman tells her that there was only one female member of her waitstaff working the night before...
...and then, Veronica's waiting outside a classroom when Fern appears. Fern greets her as "Buffy, Tiffany, whatever your name is." Veronica: "'The Female Voice In Celtic Literature.' I am woman, hear me bore." Hee. Fern, who's wearing a rather intimidating nose hoop, is slightly amused, so this isn't Veronica being over-the-top bitchy. Veronica brings up the Selma conversation, and Fern tells her she was informing Selma that she had a phone call from another woman. That's all Fern claims to know, but Veronica opines that it's strange that one of the driving forces behind the potential elimination of the Greek system is the last person who talked to the swing vote. Well, it's maybe a little ironic, sure, but unless Fern was planning on replacing Selma with a pod person, I don't know what she'd have to gain. Unless she was hoping that Selma would grow a strange sort of attachment to her kidnapper, but what kind of precedent is there for that? Fern counters that "the girl who saved the Pi Sigs" is leading the charge to find Selma. She adds that the Pi Sigs just kicked off "Sex Quest '06," which is the points-for-sex system we saw back in "The Rapes Of Graff." Which...was also in '06, but at least from a recapping standpoint, I'll admit that it seems like a lifetime ago. Fern counsels Veronica to watch what she drinks, and Veronica wonders where the hell Fern was an episode ago.
High road. Keith rings the bell at a large estate. Inside, he examines a wall of framed certificates and the like, and I'm happy to have Joe R to tell me that this entire scene right down to the camera set-ups is one enormous homage to The Big Lebowski. I recognize elements from the scene, but I've only seen the movie once, much to the dismay of my sister, who could recite the entire movie from memory if not for the fact that she'd keep hysterically cracking herself up. Anyway, a prissy guy, "Brandt," is telling Keith that Mr. Rose won't be able to see him, and I have to add that his character's name is also ripped off from the film, in which the assistant was played by Philip Seymour Hoffman. This Brandt lacks the original's oily obsequiousness, and since I'm in a generous mood, I'll just end the comparisons right there. Brandt continues his stonewalling until an English-accented voice calls in for him to stop harassing their guest. It's much the same voice I associate with him stomping into a room and shouting, "MISS FINE!," but we'll see in a moment that that's impossible. Yes, when Brandt leads Keith into an office/study of some sort, we see that Mr. Rose is being played by Charles Shaughnessy, famous for playing "Mistah SHEFF-ield" on The Nanny. Also, continuing the Lebowski homage, he's wheelchair-bound.
Mr. Rose dismisses Brandt, and asks Keith whether he agrees with Dean Ed's idea that Selma's been kidnapped. Keith says that it's early to make that call, since there's been no ransom demand, and asks Mr. Rose whether Selma had been having any business problems. Mr. Rose says that Selma's had to fight the HearstMart board for every bit of corporate reform she's managed to institute, and adds that her brother, who's flying in later that day, will be taking care of the company in her absence. Keith asks for the brother's contact information, and Mr. Rose says that he'll give Keith the number of the brother's assistant, to whom he refers as his "advance team." Given that they went bazoo with the inside jokes here, they couldn't have gotten Lauren Lane for that role? Mr. Rose adds, "She's worse than Brandt, actually." Keith hilariously makes an "Oh, goody" face. Oh, by the way, Mr. Rose's first name is "Bud." Bud Rose = Rosebud = Citizen Kane = based on William Randolph Hearst = Patty Hearst's publishing-magnate grandfather. Given how many pop-culture references this episode contains, you'll have to forgive the short version.
Outside, Brandt queenily asks Keith to let Brandt know if he needs anything further. Keith's attention is caught by some little dogs in a nearby carriage house, or something, that are barking their heads off. The men then come across a car in the driveway, which belongs to, according to Brandt, "the grossly overpaid dog walker." To be fair, Brandt, I don't really see you being into cleaning up after those things. Cleaning up after Mr. Rose would be an entirely different story. Keith asks for the person's name, and we only hear from Brandt that the walker is female, but we get a close-up of a Hearst College sticker on the back windshield to end the scene.
Lamb's in his office when Sacks comes in and kind of lasciviously asks him to guess who's on the phone for him. Lamb doesn't want to play, so Sacks, with the requisite sex-talk eyebrow-raises, tells him it's "Maria Vasquez." I'm getting the idea that Sacks finds his job easier when Lamb is getting some action. Which probably makes him the only person in the world who's seriously indebted to Madison Sinclair. Lamb helpfully tells us that Maria is "the hottie" from Channel 9. Heh. Sacks, enjoying this far too much for my comfort level, says that Maria has a couple of questions about Selma's disappearance. Lamb says he'll take the call, but first Google/Zowies her and gets to her page on the station's site. He picks up the phone, tells her he's happy to help in any way, and adds -- looking at her list of recent topics -- that he caught her latest piece on the morning-after pill. If only that segment had aired when Meg was still alive, Season 2 might have been a lot better. We cut to the caller, who is not Maria but Veronica, and this makes me unreasonably happy, because I haven't heard Veronica do an accent in some time. You can tell how much I've missed it, because the fact that her Spanish accent sounds more Russian to me is doing nothing to diminish my enjoyment. Anyway, Lamb tells Veronica that there was no incoming call to the room where Selma supposedly talked on the phone, and adds that he'd be happy to keep "Maria" in the loop with "this sort of stuff." At that moment, Keith picks up the line, and Veronica, in her normal voice, tells him she's on the phone. Then, as Lamb blanches, Veronica goes back to the Maria voice: "You were saying you'd be able to keep me in the loop?" Hee. Lamb hangs up, and I can only imagine Sacks is going to have to wash the squad cars and clean out the station's bathrooms today.
Dick's just about to bite into a burger in the food court when he notices that Veronica is standing behind him. She over-projects the news about Sex Quest, and asks whether it's such a great idea with a serial rapist on the loose. Geez, Veronica, I know this point is important to you, but this isn't the stage version. Tone down the volume. Dick says that she shouldn't worry about his points, since he hooked up with some girl named Bonnie, and "her curvature of the spine is hardly noticeable. But, I still got the handicapped bonus." Given the level of intelligence you show the world, Dick, I'm betting she did too. Also, Dick is wearing an argyle sweater, and I have only so much combative energy in me, so I'm going to concede this particular fight. Dress like assholes all you want, kids. Veronica asks if perhaps the attack on Chip might have been in warning or retribution for the Sex Quest. Dick, sincerely: "Actually, that kind of makes sense." Hee. Dick says that he shouldn't tell Veronica this, but in addition to the head-shaving, someone put a Roman numeral in a plastic Easter egg and shoved it in Chip's "where the sun don't shine place." Veronica: "Worst. Easter egg hunt. Ever." They're positively handing me a chocolate joke with this whole scenario, but I'm going to choose to escape into the commercial break.
When we return, Dick is concluding by telling Veronica that Chip had to get one of the brothers to "help him unpack his suitcase." Well, on the plus side, if that brother ever meets Bobby Brown at a cocktail party, he'll know they have a shared experience to discuss. Veronica asks what the number in the egg was. Dick: "It wasn't a baby shower. We didn't all sit around waiting for him to open the egg so we could see what he got." Veronica determines that Chip probably threw the egg out, so she asks when the frat house's garbage is collected. Dick notes that she's the one that thinks he's "repungent." Veronica: "Yes, Dick. Yes I do." Hee. Dick says that the garbage truck comes Friday morning, and that "Morty the homeless dude" visits Thursday to collect the recyclables. Given how much I'm guessing the frat guys drink, rents must be awfully expensive in this town at the moment. Dick says he's not sure if they recycle "keister eggs." Hee.
Veronica catches Fern again and tells her about the lack of a record of an incoming call. Fern suggests that maybe the call came from another extension in the building. Veronica thinks for a minute, and her response of "Oh!" is hilarious. Less so is her ill-advised joke about "Poor Chip. You really wrecked'im." I think the worst I would have said is that he got a bum deal. Anything deeper would be uncomfortable.
Veronica and Dick find Morty, and Dick introduces her, without irony, as his friend. I'd complain, but I've been down this road before, and besides, argyle sweaters do seem to cause Veronica to lose any sense of judgment. Veronica flashes a twenty at Morty and is all, "While you're down there..."
Sometime later, the girl Dick hooked up with exits the frat house, looking...well, I don't know if "worse for wear" is accurate, since this is the first time I've seen her, but I feel pretty safe in vouching for the "wear" part. Indeed, Dick complains that Bonnie's worth only half the points now. There's an unfortunate description of her escapades, followed by an even more unfortunate "Pinball Wizard" reference and dance from Veronica. Put it this way: when a homeless guy interrupting with the news that he's found a plastic egg that's recently seen the inside of both a dumpster and someone's ass is significantly raising the level of discourse, the preceding conversation was perhaps a little much. Morty is now wearing plastic gloves, by the way, so I assume Veronica gave him the nature of his errand here, in addition to possibly upping her Jackson to a Franklin. Veronica puts the egg in a plastic bag, and when she called the low road before, she sure didn't know the half of it.
Keith meets Selma's brother Roger. He's not very helpful, so let's be brief: he doesn't think his sister is any kind of businesswoman, and is delighted that the company's stock has gone up every day since her disappearance, just on the idea that, now that she's gone, they'll start selling products manufactured in Asia. Well, it sounds to me like the potential for fraud is awfully high, but on the other hand, if people are dumb enough to buy the stock when Selma hasn't even officially been declared kidnapped yet, I don't know that they deserve much help from the SEC. Roger continues to go on in that "Wow, as suspects go, I sure do have a compelling motive" vein, and then snaps at his assistant for not having gotten him in touch with "Evan." So, for all Mr. Rose's hype about this woman, not only is she a crappy assistant but, given that she's letting her boss babble about how happy he is that his sister's gone, she's an even worse publicist. Anyway, the one interesting bit of information Roger gives up is that Selma was considering divorce: since Mr. Rose's accident, he'd gotten more and more clingy. That seems understandable, but we'll find out later that such attention from someone of his sex might have made Selma especially uncomfortable.
In the food court, Veronica is telling Wallace about the Easter egg and the numbers therein. (Wallace has cropped his hair, by the way.) They brainstorm to try to figure out what the numbers could mean, and I'll just tell you this: If they turn up on a hatch, you lovely readers are on your own. Veronica eventually discovers that the numbers form a date: 11/19/03, almost exactly three years earlier...
...and then we're in the library, as an NVMVO tells us that Veronica's checking the FreePress issues from around that time. She discovers that a Theta Beta pledge, "Patrice Petrelli," fell off the sorority-house roof. Too bad she didn't wait for the eclipse to happen, but I guess there wouldn't have been much point in tanning at that particular moment. Veronica then once again senses that she's not alone, and runs off and hides under some stairs or something. She sees a pair of legs come into view, but it turns out they belong to the janitor. Damn, girl. I know you budgeted for the use of a lot of creepy music this episode, but looking up that article couldn't have waited until morning?
Chez Mars. Keith informs Veronica that he ran the dog walker's license plates, and asks Veronica to check it out. Veronica looks at the name: Hallie Platt. Hmm, that rings a bell...
...and that's because it's the name of Keri Lynn Pratt's character. Hallie's lying out on the tanning lawn, and it's a good thing Wallace is so busy these days and Piz is off in Mac-land, because otherwise their hard-ons would be casting some annoying shadows. Veronica sits down with Hallie and insinuates that perhaps Hallie was involved in her boss's disappearance because she was worried about her sorority house being shut down. So are they just not having the vote because one trustee isn't available? Or is there no tie-breaking procedure? Neither scenario seems particularly credible, but I suppose when you bring in Patty Hearst, the incredible is to be somewhat more expected.
Back from break, Veronica rather snottily tells Hallie, basically, that her having a job in the first place is a joke, and that having one that requires her to pick up dog poo is beyond belief. You'd think Veronica would be a little less confident in accusing people of wrongdoing after having been mistaken so many times this season, but it's nice of someone to make Alex Rodriguez feel better about his recent batting average. A lot of people on the boards found it off-putting that Veronica was so nasty here, given that they thought Hallie had been nothing but nice to Veronica. That's not quite how I remember it, given the intention I perceived behind her line about having had "a little Shih Tzu named Veronica." However, the part about Hallie's job is asinine for several reasons, most notably: (1) The traits Veronica ostensibly sees in Hallie -- being vapid, frivolous, and the like -- don't automatically mean that she's financially secure enough not to have to earn at least some money at college. (2) The part about Hallie being too grossed out to pick up dog poo might be somewhat less dumb if Hallie, as I mentioned, hadn't already told Veronica that she used to be a dog owner. (3) Veronica saying that Hallie (who, for all she knows, could have been working at this job for some time) only got it in anticipation of a possible vote to kick the Greeks off-campus -- a vote which Selma, who just joined the board, would swing? It occurs to me that while it bothers me sometimes when Veronica's bitchy, it troubles me a lot more when she's stupid. After all, she never wrote, "Veronica Mars is nicer than me."
Anyway: Hallie tells Veronica that she should be watching Brandt, because he's totally in love with Mr. Rose: "Like, Swimfan love." That "film" is on my personal Worst Five list, so I'm glad they at least didn't pay homage to it on screen. Hallie adds that, a couple of weeks earlier, Mr. Rose asked Brandt to help plan a tenth-anniversary party for Selma, and Brandt threw a teacup at the wall. Considering how prissy he is, I wonder if it even reached. Veronica switches gears to ask about Patrice, and Hallie unfortunately gives Veronica fuel by asking if she wants to know where she buried "Jimmy Hoffman." Veronica, who had been doing so well for a couple of episodes, is seriously annoying me here, so let's cut to the chase: Hallie wasn't at Hearst yet when Patrice had her accident, but according to her sisters, Patrice had one too many hard lemonades and fell off the roof, and it's not like she died. Veronica tries to get more information, but Hallie dismissively says that Veronica can ask anyone in Patrice's pledge class. She adds that she and her sisters had a car wash and raised enough money to get Karen, their former den mother, another round of chemo. Veronica looks sad as Hallie leaves her, but I suppose I can forgive her for having some bad associations with car washes.
Mars Investigations. Veronica enters, and she and Keith hammily catch each other up. Veronica mentions that Brandt is "the Smithers to Mr. Rose's Monty Burns," and that reference would probably come off stale if it didn't make me imagine Brandt having his own Mr. Rose version of that computer startup message "You're. Quite. Good. At. Turning. Me. On." When Veronica mentions the ten-year anniversary, though, Keith throws up his hands and asks, "Have I taught you nothing?" It does sometimes seem that way. Anyway, Keith gives Veronica a long lecture about how, after ten years, a spouse who gets a divorce is entitled to half his or her partner's assets, but not before. Perhaps Keith is making such a big expository deal here because what he's saying isn't true. From what I can see, assets or inheritances owned by one party before marriage under California's laws are never considered community property. The ten-year line applies only to the level of future spousal support payments, which admittedly could be significant in this case, but if this is the sort of great teaching Sensei Keith here is doing, it's just as well Veronica doesn't listen to him. Keith suggests that if Mr. Rose is trying to keep Selma hidden, it would be easier if she had her precious dogs around. What? I guess maybe he's saying that if Selma were being held against her will, she'd be more tractable with her dogs present. Still, the whole idea makes little sense based on the information the Marses have at the moment.
Veronica -- presumably with an assist from Keith -- hops the gate to the Rose estate, and then mangles a Vacation reference before letting Keith in. I mean, I ask you: If Chevy Chase had punched a walrus instead of a moose, would that have been funny? (Okay, I'll concede a maybe.) At the guest house or whatever, the dogs are indeed barking, which doesn't deter Keith and Veronica from breaking in and finding Selma on the couch watching TV. Keith asks if she's all right, and she flips off the TV and sighs, "I'd be better if you'd close the door and didn't [sic] try to rescue me." If we're going to go this meta, shouldn't Selma be wearing a beret?
Keith introduces himself and explains that Dean Ed hired him. Selma recognizes Veronica from the reception, and Veronica says that she's the Tatum to Keith's Ryan: "When he gets in a jam, I make with the cute." I don't think that, nowadays, there's enough of said cute to cover said trouble. What's more, there's certainly fault on both sides of that equation. Selma says that she will be in trouble if Keith tells anyone he saw her, and offers him hush money. She explains that Mr. Rose knows about her "lover," so he's demanded that she disappear until after their tenth anniversary, at which time, ostensibly, he'd be prepared to grant her a divorce. She says that the anniversary is only two days away, so surely Keith can stall Dean Ed that long. Veronica asks the salient question of why Mr. Rose needed Selma to disappear: she could simply have waited to sign the divorce papers until after the relevant date had passed. Selma doesn't know, and you'd think she might have inquired, but I guess CEOs of Fortune 500 companies aren't in the business of asking the tough questions. Keith suggests that maybe it has to do with her brother's negotiating with Southeast Asia, since in a few days, her company will be locked into those contracts. Yes, because there's nothing easier than getting a transatlantic deal between teams of lawyers and negotiators inked overnight. But it's understandable to think that contract negotiations are easy as pie if all you've ever known is the entertainment industry. Anyway, the rather bullshit point is that once those contracts are locked in, Selma's company will be worth a lot more money, thereby increasing the worth of the community property within the marriage, which will in turn mean more money for Mr. Rose in the divorce. Selma says that her marriage was great until Mr. Rose's accident, after which it seemed like he had something to prove -- a goal he attempted to achieve by screwing as many women as possible. Keith suggests that perhaps Selma could have hired a lawyer to get her out of her predicament a little more cheaply. Selma: "Have you ever been a walking punchline, Mr. Mars? I mean, on a national scale." Keith is all, "Actually..." and I'll certainly give them that one. Hee. Anyway, Selma says she's tried to win back the public's respect, but says, as she produces some pictures, that "this" would put her back at square one. The pictures are very similar in style to the ones of Keith and Harmony, but the players in this photo are Selma and Hallie. Selma fills in the blanks that Hallie seduced Selma on behalf of Mr. Rose, and that Hallie and Mr. Rose are planning to run off together and live off Selma's money. I...don't completely get this, I'll admit. I guess the combination of the infidelity, the same-sex hookup, and the age disparity is the potential source of embarrassment. But given that Selma's going to be plenty publicly humiliated anyway when her husband runs off with a college student, I don't know why she wouldn't try to save her fortune, if only out of spite. I mean, most people in her situation would jump at the chance to spite the cheating husband even without the knowledge that doing so would make them millions and millions of dollars richer. Keith suggests that maybe they can foil the plan, and asks whether Selma was wearing the earrings she has on the night she disappeared. Upon hearing an affirmative, Keith asks if she has access to Mr. Rose's email.
In the food court, Veronica is telling Wallace that the plan is in motion, and that they found the perfect "eyewitness" to the kidnapping. Wallace then sees Chip, now wearing a head cap under his baseball cap, tentatively enter the room. He heads for a table, and some guy, as he passes, plays conductor to a rousing rendition of "Here Comes Peter Cottontail." Well, I'm not condoning the sentiment, but I certainly think this is well cleverer than you'd expect from your average meathead. It's better than anything Veronica came up with in regard to Chip's predicament, and I suddenly feel like I just accidentally proved that Veronica has actually turned into Dick Casablancas, which would explain an awful lot about this season. Anyway, Chip gives the ringleader a pretty impressive flying tackle, taking down a passing blonde girl in the process. Wallace quickly gets involved, getting the girl out of harm's way, but soon he's gotten clocked for his trouble. This spurs Veronica into action, and it's awfully plot-driven that she doesn't grab her stun gun, given that she's done so for a lot, lot less. But she doesn't, so the only thing that saves her from ending up on the floor as well is a big guy tossing one of the impromptu singers off of Veronica and carrying her to safety. In the room, the guy calls Veronica by name as he explains that "Mr. Echolls" has been concerned about her safety, and hired Beefy Guy to keep an eye on her. Veronica seethes with about eighteen different emotions.
Sheriff's station. Lamb enters, and Sacks informs him that someone is there who claims to have seen Selma having a fight with a girl from the college the night she disappeared. Said guy, Morty from earlier, pipes up, "Found her!," pointing at a picture in the college directory, presumably Hallie's. Morty doesn't look like he's showered recently, so it's a good thing Lamb's been a lot nicer this season, or I'm betting Veronica would have slipped Morty an extra twenty to shake his hand.
Lamb has pulled Hallie over and, displaying a search warrant, orders her out of her car.
Veronica, loaded for bear, marches into Logan's suite and cuts to the chase, saying that she's been terrified for the last few days that someone was following her, and that Logan had no right to do what he did. Logan concedes that that's probably true, but he doesn't care, since he has to make sure she's safe. As usual, there are points on both sides of this argument: Veronica, as we've seen, has been reckless on enough occasions with her own safety, and Keith, as noted here and everywhere, has been disturbingly unaware and unconcerned. However, Veronica is a legal adult, and it's not Logan's place to take responsibility for her safety upon himself, not least because such assumptions of responsibility are doomed from the start. But I do like the way Logan expresses himself here: he's saying, basically, that he knows he can't produce a two-column proof that he's morally justified in what he did, but still, he's choosing the only course of action he can live with. It doesn't make it right, but it's the both the most effective and the most honest strategy available to him, I think. Veronica, for her part, half-yells that this is who she is, that it shouldn't be news to Logan, and that if he expects her to change, their relationship won't work. Logan turns that right around, saying that she constantly expects him to change. And this is an interesting point, because I don't see so much that Veronica expects Logan to change, but that he actually has changed, for the better, as I've said on more than one occasion. Whether this entitles him to demand anything from Veronica now is another point entirely. Logan assertively tells Veronica that he loves her, and asks if she loves him. Veronica, looking as lost as she has in a long time, answers, "Yeah." That probably doesn't look all that convincing on the page, and there's a reason why. Logan asks if they can go a little easier on each other, and Veronica -- a subtle mask already coming up -- agrees that that's a good idea. Logan embraces her and asks if they're okay, and Veronica, another layer of mask coming up, says that they are.
This was a great scene, full of emotion and complex layers. It makes more sense, I think, if you go back to the first episode of the season, wherein Piz asked her the simple, direct question of why she solves crimes, and she was so defensive. The reason she was so evasive and brittle? She doesn't know. She doesn't know what's driving her, and this is one of the more interesting things about her character. Is it that she feels the world is a bad place and it needs all the help it can get? Is it a need to prove to people that you can't trust anyone (as the A-plot of "Of Vice And Men" would suggest?) At this point, it almost doesn't matter, because Veronica is unwilling truly to examine why she is the way she is. That's why Logan stymied her in that argument, and it's why, I think, it makes sense that she dodges him at the end of the episode. She can't explain why she won't give it up, because she can't explain why she does it in the first place. Anyway, I apologize for all the analysis, but once again, I'll fall back on blaming Patty Hearst's presence.
Lamb shows up at the Rose estate and informs Mr. Rose that they found one of Selma's earrings in his "girlfriend's car." He adds that they found love letters from him on Hallie's laptop, and she, after some interrogation, suggested that Lamb check out the guest house. Mr. Rose looks scared, but perhaps not quite as scared as he should. Especially given what Brandt's likely to do to him the time he falls asleep. Commercials.
Sheriff's station. In an interrogation room, Mr. Rose is telling Lamb that he won't say another word until his lawyer gets there. Sacks pokes his head in and informs Lamb that Selma is hoping for a few words with her husband alone. The lawmen leave as Selma enters, and she asks if her brother was in on the plan, or if Mr. Rose was simply counting on him to do the wrong thing. Mr. Rose: "He is reliable that way." Selma then produces a document that reads "Divorce Settlement Agreement" and suggests that he sign: "Unless you had your heart set on prison." He looks at her balefully, knowing that Nanny Fine would never have treated him like this. On the other hand, there was that voice.
In what looks like a Hearst building, Dean Ed thanks Keith, although he expresses surprise that, as a repeat customer, he didn't get a discount. Keith practically giggles that he didn't charge for postage, and they're cuter together than you might expect from an adulterer and a bone-marrow thief. Selma appears, and after some small talk, Dean Ed asks how she's going to vote. Selma: "My official vote is screw 'em. They're outta here!" That one's certainly been popular of late.
Veronica's waiting for an elevator somewhere when Hallie walks by. She at first settles for giving Veronica the stink-eye, but returns and tells her that she really loves Mr. Rose. They bitch at each other a bit, and then Veronica asks for the truth about Patrice. Hallie reiti-snots that she doesn't know anything, and besides, Patrice's best friend just faked a rape, so why not ask her? Veronica asks if Patrice was really friends with Claire, and Hallie says she was: they were in the same pledge class. That's more useful information than you usually get from anyone wearing over 80% pink.
Veronica knocks on a door, and Claire opens it to hear, "What did Chip Diller have to do with Patrice Petrelli falling off the roof of the Theta Beta house?" That's an awfully long secret password, and given that Claire tells Veronica to come in, I'm duly impressed with her memory. It looks like Claire has gotten an apartment since her expulsion, although it seems kind of convenient that she'd still be around at all. When Claire opens the door, Veronica sees that Fern and Nish are inside. The story of Patrice, mostly told by Claire, ensues: the Theta Betas used to have the secret room with the two-way mirror, referenced in the second episode. The pledge officer would have the girls strip while their Pi Sig brothers watched, and the brothers would point out the parts of the girls that needed work, even going so far as to circle them with a Magic Marker like plastic surgeons do. Extreme Makeover may finally have been canceled, but its evil lives on. Claire didn't get the treatment because the brothers didn't feel she needed it, but Patrice was practically covered in circles. Claire adds that Patrice was pale and pudgy, but a legacy, and I take that to mean that she was a legacy in not just the university but also in the sorority; otherwise they wouldn't have let her in. So Patrice was already crying from all the marker-ing when someone turned on the light in the secret room and she saw all the brothers laughing their asses off at her. Chip Diller dubbed her "Marshmallow," and the name stuck. If that's the case, I don't know why, instead of the Roman numerals, the Liliths didn't simply opt for Peeps. Nish adds that the markers were the permanent kind, so Patrice had the marks all over her for weeks. Claire adds that her sisters said a tan would fix everything, so they insisted that Patrice lay out on the roof like the rest of them, only one day, presumably having snapped, she literally just walked right off the edge. Fern wraps up the story by saying that Patrice was in the hospital for a couple of months, and now she's in a mental-health facility. Veronica sincerely opines that what happened to Patrice is horrible, but also seems like a powerful motivation for a desperate action, like faking a rape, and maybe even a series of rapes. Veronica asks whether any of the rapes were real, "other than Chip Diller's." And while a lot has been made of Veronica's joking at Chip's expense, I think this statement combined with her sympathetic expression in the cafeteria is enough to show that she views what happened to him very seriously indeed. Nish, not answering Veronica's question, asks if Veronica's proud of having saved the Greeks, but Veronica points out that Nish and the others have hurt their own cause with the fakery, and leaves.
A couple of quick thoughts here. From reading the forums, I've seen that more than one reviewer expressed dissatisfaction that this was the end of the rape storyline. I'm surprised by the confusion, since it's been well reported in the mainstream press for quite some time that the rape mystery would span the first nine episodes, not eight. However, I think the confusion shows that for people who didn't know the length of the arc, this was supposed to seem like the end, and because of that, I think that the Liliths' involvement in the rape mystery is over. Their arc feels done to me, and if Patrice Petrelli is involved further, it seems to me like she has to have a connection to someone else. A lot of people think Patrice is going to turn up in the episode, but I really don't think that's likely. However, the discussion of the fake rapes brought something else to my mind. By no means do I think all the rapes were faked, but what if Nancy's was the one that wasn't on the up-and-up? Lamb said that GHB was used intwoof the rapes, most likely Parker's and Stacy's, and it seemed like Dawn, being the first victim, might not have reported her rape until much later, if at all. But if Nancy had legitimately been drugged and raped, you'd think she, presumably being aware of the serial rapes, would have gone directly to the law. So if she didn't, was it because she faked her rape? The reason I find that point so crucial is that if she wasn't actually raped, Mercer's alibi about being in Mexico doesn't mean squat. I know he still has the radio station logs, but...as I said at the time, something about him spending that extra night in jail makes me wonder. I'm thinking he's involved in the rapes in some capacity, and if not, props to the show for the subtle misdirection.
Oh, wait, the episode isn't over? Okay. Veronica, in the food court, gets a call from Logan. She screens him and sits down with her tray, unaware that he's watching her from across the room. I don't know what the big deal is -- I'd hope my boyfriend wouldn't be offended if I called him back after I'd eaten. Then again, he'd have a stronger case if I blew him off to chow down on Chili's. Anyway, Logan looks like his heart is breaking into teeny-tiny pieces. At some point, they're going to get too small to reconstitute.
week. someone's dying, and Veronica discovers the rapist's identity. Yikes!