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Of all the episodes I could have volunteered to write the recaplet for, this is the one I pick? Holy shit, so much happened. B-plot first: when the reappearance of Miss "Paula Marshall" James coincides with our seeing the back of Keith's head at school, and when we then also see him having coffee with a succession of women, it seems as though Keith might be dating again. But no! He's working a case for Clemmons regarding a bunch of students, all of whom share a Dr. Burns, who've been asking for special treatment at school (unlimited time taking tests, extended deadlines, etc.) due to their Generalized Anxiety Disorder; turns out Keith's been having coffee with doctor's office administrators, and eventually finds the one who tells him that Veronica could also get a GAD diagnosis for $1000. The suspension of GAD allowances means that Veronica's rival for the Kane Scholarship and her co-acceptee at Stanford -- a right bitch named Angie -- will get screwed on all the exams she didn't study for. Before that happens, Logan and Wallace band together on a science project that, if they beat Angie, will mean that they get exempted from the science (physics?) final instead of her, and that Veronica will therefore possibly pull ahead in the student rankings. They don't succeed, but because of Keith, they don't have to -- and also, it leads Wallace to stick up for Logan to a Veronica oblivious that her two best dudes had been working together on her behalf. And, the A-plot. Veronica's been having nightmares about the kids on the bus, some of whom get enumerated for us. Cervando had his jeans ruined at summer school when Dick shot at them with a water pistol full of bleach, and subsequently roughed up Beaver, who -- giving credence to the speculation last week that he might be hands-off with Mac because of some kind of sexual abuse -- meaningfully tells Veronica, "I guess Dick was too big for him so he thought he'd settle the score with his little brother. Story of my life." In a dream, Cervando tells Veronica that if the bus saboteur had wanted to take out just the driver, s/he could have planted the bomb such that it spared the kids. But the bomber timed the explosion so that it killed the driver and ensured that the bus would go over the cliff, so it had to be someone close enough to time it right, and fingers Weevil. Pete had feelings for the science teacher Mr. Wu, and Veronica suspects that Wu's was the "mother of all outings" Pete had planned. Wu says that he ran into Pete at a gay bar, but that Wu was only there for a cousin's party, but, in a dream, Pete tells her not to believe him, and also rhetorically asks why Pete would have wanted to go on the baseball-themed field trip in the first place. Rhonda -- who had left the message on friend Michele's cell phone as the bus was going over the cliff -- had also left her a message at home, in which Dick's voice is audible even though he wasn't on the bus. WHAT?! Back to that in a second. Rhonda and her sister Natalie were bad girls -- "PWTs," they are called, for "poor white trash," except that Natalie has a brand-new car now. Her family recently won a $2 million settlement...from Woody. Something about a finger in a riblet, but...fishy. Okay, the Dick thing: he can be heard in Rhonda's first message because Betina was playing the bus a message he had left on her cell phone; she was his disadvantaged booty call, and a friend of hers tells Veronica that while Dick didn't want anyone to know he and Betina were hooking up, all she wanted was to get pregnant by him and tell the world about it. Oh, and also, mere days before the bus crash, Dick Sr. took out huge life-insurance policies on Dick and Beaver, who were supposed to have been on the bus, and who were then worth more alive than dead. Meg had a number of emails (remember those?) regarding a certain Lucky, an Iraq veteran who went to her parents' church and whom they were always inviting over for dinner, and who was also a janitor at the school. Evidently he was the kind of early twentysomething who tries to retain some cool by buying beer for high-school kids, and Logan reminds Veronica that she met Lucky once when he interrupted them making out; the flashback suggests that Lucky was involved in burning down the pool. In a later dream, Meg intones, "I have important information," but we don't learn what it is. And, finally, the episode gets its title from a piece of graffiti on the otherwise pristine bus: an image of Death, nine tombstones in the foreground, "I AM GOD" beside it. (Eight kids died in the crash; would have been nine if Veronica hadn't been left behind.) Veronica assumes that the artist meant that s/he was God, with the power to kill him/herself and his/her classmates. But, turns out it was drawn by Marcos, after an illustration on an album cover. At the end of the episode, he hands her a ringing phone, but we go to blackout before we learn who's calling her. Couch Baron will tell the full story in the recap. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Many thanks to Jacob for brilliantly covering for me last week, and to Wing Chun for her epic recaplet for this episode. Man, you step out for a week with this show, you come back feeling like you've been Eternal-ly Sunshine-d. Which, I admit would have its upside -- I'd miss my fond memories of Vegas and the Napa Valley, but at least I no longer would have to relive the horror of flying Delta.
After a short bit of previouslies, we fade up on a drawing of a Grim Reaper-like character grinning over nine unmarked tombstones. In a dream sequence on the school bus, we see a devastated-looking Veronica watching Meg, and a boy and girl we don't know yet, but are presumably victims of the crash. Either that, or they're really deficient in spectral etiquette. The non-Veronica kids are sopping wet, and the girl we don't know is wearing a shirt that says "I [heart symbol] Dick." Believe it or not, the message is significant, and I'd accuse the writers of making up plot points to get things past the censors if experience hadn't shown that that much work really isn't required.
Veronica's eyes open, and a teacher bids her good morning and informs her that the school counselor would like to see her. Veronica heads off...
...to see Miss James, a.k.a Paula Marshall, whom longtime readers will remember I dubbed "Back, Show Killer!" in an attempt to prevent Veronica Mars from becoming another notch on her gun, so to speak. I did promise that I'd drop the nickname should she show up again, but since the show is on the bubble once more, I'm breaking that vow. Hey, the writers may think Fate is just someone you poke with a stick when you're bored, but I'm just not that freewheeling when it comes to this show. Anyway, BSK! informs us that the teacher, "Mrs. Taft," has reprimanded Veronica multiple times for wearing headphones in class. Veronica: "She's reading The Golden Bowl. Aloud. With a fake English accent." BSK! chuckles to herself like that's the third time she's heard that this week, and I do hope this show gets picked up again, because I really do like her, and people who see me performing anti-hex rituals whenever she appears on screen are starting to get the wrong idea. BSK! goes on to say that Veronica was caught ripping down another student's poster. Veronica: "Am I being followed?" Heh. BSK! says that the student who put up the posters would like them back, and Veronica's face flickers with recognition as BSK! asks her if there's anything she'd like to talk about. Veronica says that there is, and BSK! must really be devoted to her job to refrain from immediately speeding off to buy a lottery ticket.
BSK! asks when the dreams started, and Veronica says it was a few days earlier, when Michele, Rhonda's friend, set up a booth to raise money to buy a yearbook spread for every kid who died in the bus crash. Veronica adds that BSK! should be talking to Michele, since she has that "wide-eyed Margot Kidder in a bush" look...
...and she's also got the voice and twitchiness, as in a flashback, Michele's telling Veronica that if she raises enough money, she'll be able to buy an audio chip, like the kind that play "Happy Birthday" in greeting cards. I'd go for "My name is Judge," if only to see just how many people on this show would jump in fright when they heard it. You can see the pictures of the victims that Veronica stole as Michele goes on to say that it would be great to hear the kids laughing and happy...
...which is where we learn that Rhonda tried Michele at home before the message we heard on the cell, and it's easy to blame Michele for not thinking to give up this information earlier. And I do. But it also, as many things in this episode do, shows that Veronica, for all intents and purposes, didn't investigate the crash at all until the dreams started, and for now I'll just say that if you like long rants about mishandled season arcs, you've got something to look forward to. Anyway, the point is that, during that first message, Michele said she could hear all the kids laughing on the bus. One presumes that she was able to sort out the difference between the kids' laughs and those of the voices inside her head, probably because only the latter's laughs were at her. Oh no, turns out that Veronica asked if she could hear it. I assumed the message would be gone, since both my home and cell voicemails erase themselves after thirty days. I guess Michele continued to save the message manually, which seems strange for someone who DIDN'T THINK TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT. Then again, Margot Kidder probably would have done the same thing. Anyway, in flashback, Michele cues up the message, and over the laughs of the students, Rhonda says she hopes Michele can hear what's going on. We then hear what sounds an awful lot like Dick's voice. Michele asks if Veronica heard Meg. Veronica: "No. But I heard someone I know."
BSK!, showing that she's following along, is stunned that Veronica heard Dick's voice when he couldn't have been on the bus. She asks if Veronica told Keith about this. Veronica: "Funny you should ask."
Under The Sea. Hey, I'm sorry, but that's what the view out of the bus window reminds me of, and if I have to have a goofy Disney song stuck in my head, you do too. Price of admission. Rhonda is leaving her cell message for Michele, and Veronica, knowing that this one doesn't end with a bunch of kids giggling at someone she despises, tries to get her attention, but then the explosion sounds...
...and Veronica wakes up. Keith rushes in to check on her, and if he's that attentive to noise coming from her room, she'd be well advised not to try any hanky-panky after Keith's gone to sleep. Of course, given their level of chemistry, she could probably have gotten away with it with Duncan. Keith: "Did you watch House Of Wax again? You know that Hilton girl gives you nightmares." It's funny because it's meta. Keith comes across Veronica's bus-crash folder, complete with head shots of recently-cast actors...I mean, "pictures of the victims," and suggests that maybe it's not the best bedtime reading. Veronica hands over a CD that she says was in the bus's player, and Keith asks how it got into her hands. Veronica: "I willed it?" Nice try, Veronica, but the fact that half the people on this show haven't been zapped to Timbuktu proves that you don't have that power. Some people might have that ability and not use it, but you are not one of them. Keith asks if Veronica sneaked onto the bus. Veronica: "Yeah, like you didn't?" Hee. Veronica asks about "the drawing," which Keith didn't see because he had to find the rat...er, "hit the deck." (And speaking of the rat, Liam's comment about duct tape having many uses in this scene from last week almost surely means that the Fitzpatricks put the rat on the bus.) Veronica shows Keith a picture of the back of one of the seats with "I Am God" written on it. And it just goes to show that researching a show's creator can cause unexpected problems, as now I'm wondering what the hell the Grace Order of Dadaists could possibly have had to do with the bus crash. If Rob Thomas pulls that off, though, I'll be really impressed. Veronica adds that there was no other graffiti, since the bus was brand-new, and Keith unnecessarily asks why there are nine tombstones on the earlier drawing, since there were only eight victims. Veronica: "I guess the artist wasn't expecting me to get off the bus."
BSK! asks to see the artwork. This seems like as good a place as any to mention that a number of people on the boards thought it was completely out of character for Veronica to confide this much in BSK! I think BSK! just caught her at the right moment, though, and as "Clash Of The Tritons" showed, BSK! does seem to be able to get normally taciturn people to open up. Plus, it may be that show killers have special powers we just don't understand. Veronica shows BSK! the pictures, and adds that one of the kids on the bus drew it: "I need to find out who." Well, you only have...four more acts in which to do so. Not that I'm bitter -- how many people get to experience the joys of carpal tunnel by age thirty-six? (Don't email me -- it'll hurt too much to reply.) Credits.
Neptune High. Logan's facing his locker when Veronica appears and knees him in the back of one of his legs, which quickly causes one of their sexually charged conversations to ensue. I'm not saying I want to see them together, but the hookup seems so inevitable that even Mulder and Scully would be all, "God, just DO IT ALREADY!" at this point. Veronica asks Logan about Lucky, whom he recognizes as "Tommy Dahonik," or some variant thereof. Veronica asks about the moniker. Logan: "Well, he graduates, and his parents file Chapter 11, he has to drop out of college, he signs up for Army Rangers, he gets sent to Iraq and four months in, he gets shot." Veronica's all, "..." But if Lucky got someone as self-absorbed as Logan to retain half that story, he must have someone on his side. Anyway, the punchline is that he was lucky only to get shot in the butt. Logan adds that Veronica met Lucky, and from his catlike smile, I'm guessing that Lucky had her at a disadvantage. In more ways than one, if he happened to know her name.
Flashback. A fast remake of Sia's "Breathe Me" plays, which is just as well, since we don't necessarily want people bursting into tears as they remember the closing montage of theSix Feet Underfinale. Of course, many people's brains aren't processing anything other than the fact that Veronica is sitting in Logan's lap, and that they're all over each other.
Back in the present, Veronica impatiently asks if there's a point to the story. Well, one thing I take from it is that your physical chemistry can't be denied, as you even make going at it in that atrocity of a vehicle seem hot. Logan snaps, "Will you let me finish?" Heh.
Logan leans back into flashback, the song kicks up again, and then they're interrupted by Dick and a guy we'll quickly learn is Lucky. I bet if you told Logan he was about to get Lucky, this wouldn't have been what he had in mind. Logan eventually rolls down the window, and it looks like his surfboard is between him and Veronica. Kind of strange for a metaphor, but I guess a gas can would have been too obvious. Lucky tells Logan that they have things to do: "We're done screwin' around. The ball's in our court and someone's gotta pay." I can see what the forum posters meant about this episode being chock full of new information. I certainly didn't know that being shot in the ass causes people to speak only in clichés. Lucky orders Logan to wrap things up, but Logan, with no hint of deference, says that he'll be there when he's there. Of course, it is his flashback, so I doubt he'd recount jumping out to follow Lucky with his, uh, tent leading the way.
In the present, Veronica sarcastically asks why she and Logan broke up. Logan: "Was it something about me being too much man?" Veronica walks off, and Logan calls after her, "No, wait -- it was you! You were too much man!" He looks amused, as well he might. You have to admit that gender stereotyping from a guy whose wrists will hypnotize you if you stare at them too long is pretty comical. Of course, he could have been making a sexual reference, but that would mean...no, forget it. This show may go to the gutter as a matter of course, but I have standards, and they're firmly strapped on.
Science room. Dick and Logan are at the same lab table, and are the only ones wearing their goggles, which is a little cute and very little-boy of them, and therefore a propos in every way. The teacher, Mr. Wu, snaps at the class to pay attention, as they're going to be working in pairs to design a gizmo to protect an egg from drops from increasing heights. The team whose egg survives the highest drop will get an A, as well as being excused from "[embarrassing rap voice with finger-guns to boot] Mr. Wu's notorious GPA-killin' [normal voice] final exam." Some things are worth the extra formatting. Logan makes a racist comment under his breath, and then Dick makes a different one out loud, and while that comment illustrates their differences, it also more subtly and yet more pointedly shows their similarities. Not that I think either of them is truly racist at heart -- only total fucking pricks. Dick's just not capable of putting on, um, sheep's clothing. (And that's even a plot point.) Mr. Wu, pointedly staring at Dick, says that this experiment could mean the difference between passing and failing the class, causing Dick to vary his routine and make a homophobic comment. That's about as much range as you're likely to get from him. (Seriously, though, how awesome is Ryan Hansen in this role? It's easy to forget to give him props with the character being so despicable, but he deserves them.) Wu adds that he's breaking Dick and Logan up. Dick takes off his goggles and emotes to Logan, "God, I don't know how I'm gonna quit you!" Logan starts to say how it's too soon, since he hasn't gotten over the heartbreak of the Oscars yet, but Dick puts a finger on Logan's lips and is like, "It's not me. It's Wu." Wu announces that Dick's partner is a bitchy-looking girl named Angie, while Logan's is...Wallace. Logan looks unpsyched, but at least...now he can prove that he and Wallace aren't alternate personalities? As much as I like Wallace, I'm not seeing a lot of upside in this from Logan's point of view. Dick grossly hits on Angie, who exposits that she needs to be excused from the final exam, which...I thought the whole point of her scam was that she didn't need that, right? Like, if she can schedule the final on her own terms, why does she need to win this contest so badly? Anyway, Wallace sits to Logan, who grumbles that Wallace had better not get all "superachiever." Wallace says that he just wants not to flunk, since Hearst will take his scholarship away if he does. Logan: "Excellent! The bar is so low we can step over it." Wallace shakes his head, probably because he knows that when push comes to shove, there's no way drama-queen Logan isn't doing the limbo under that shit.
Veronica's got her Powerbook open, but she's not looking at it. And I'm thinking that whoever she is looking at might want to duck and cover, since her facial expression so satisfied that she might as well just spit out a canary's feather. Anyway, Dick notices her stare, and she beckons him over. Dick: "Just because you wiggle your finger doesn't mean Dick's gonna come." Maybe not, but when the sun comes up every day, you learn to take it for granted. (Sorry, California!) Anyway, Veronica taps a couple of keys and then turns her laptop around to reveal this message: "I Know Who You Did Last Summer." Hee. Dick's apparently not as proud of his sexual history as he'd like everyone to think, so he rushes over, and Veronica plays him a recording that's ostensibly the one from the bus, with Dick leaving Betina a "bamp chicka wow wow" message, and I mean that quite literally. Dick explains that everyone has his or her "secret shame," and if you get tanked at the wrong party, "stumble a couple rungs down the food chain...you know how it is. You dated that cop." Who's now on Modern Men, just to go with the whole "slipping down" idea. Veronica: "Patience. Dwindling." Dick: "Sometimes you don't need the prettiest horse. Just one that lets you ride bareback." Boy, that Eternal Sunshine treatment is looking better and better. Veronica manages to stifle the dry heaves to ask if Dick didn't think that was dangerous, and Dick says, "What am I, stupid? She was on the Pill." Boy, show, if you're going to paint it that Dick would never be dumb enough to get a girl pregnant, the idea of Duncan being some sort of genius gets even harder to buy. And here I thought that wasn't possible. Dick adds that Betina never complained, but Veronica points out that her playing his messages for everyone on the bus's amusement hardly smacks of a satisfied customer. Dick says that Betina had no reason to be upset with him, and that he even gave her a present that day -- a Sharks premium ticket package, in his memorabilia bag. Veronica recalls that she raffled off the tickets, and he didn't win them. Dick says that "that gay kid" who won them tossed them in the trash, so he grabbed them, thinking Betina might like them: "Pissed-off white-trash booty buddy; free tickets. It's a no-brainer!" Veronica shakes her head in disgust, but unless the timeline's screwy here, I have to point out that she came up with "booty buddy" first. It's just that Dick took it to the level, and you know his escalator only goes down.
Veronica, hanging in the hallway, sees her dad in the distance amid a bunch of people. She calls to him, but he doesn't hear her, and she's reluctant to leave, because it turns out she's staking out a very pretty girl's locker. Veronica lies that she's helping Michele with the yearbook tribute, but the girl, "Maureen," is neutral at first, until Veronica casually brings it around to the Dick-Betina connection. Maureen: "Dick Casablancas is the bastard child of Satan." And Maureen, you are now Veronica's god. Seriously, how are these two not friends already? I mean, David Schwimmer and Brad Pitt formed a club to hate Jennifer Aniston, and I have to believe these two are both better organized and more motivated. They'd have to turn away the foreign-exchange students. Anyway, Maureen says that Dick treated Betina "like a free hooker," and that description's pretty on the nose, considering that she doesn't even know about the tickets. She adds that Betina was gaga over Dick, and that the worse he treated her, the more obsessed she got. Also, while she knows Betina let him get away with it, it's her "friendial obligation" to blame it all on Dick. The kicker: "All he wanted was to mess around with her and have no one know. And all she wanted? Was for him to knock her up so she could shout it from the rooftops." Veronica gapes at the idea, but I kind of would have liked to see that dream realized. I mean, can you imagine Kendall's face upon hearing she was a (step-, admittedly) grandmother? She would have made Shirley MacLaine in Terms Of Endearment look calm by comparison.
Under The Sea. We can now see that Betina's shirt has "Casablancas" under the part about loving Dick. She asks Veronica if she's trying to keep them straight, causing Peter to appear and snark that Veronica's dressed "Queer Eye For The Dead Guy" in a shirt decorated with a "rhinestone freaking rainbow." I can't wait to see if Marcos is wearing a shirt with a question mark on it. Veronica looks embarrassed that her unconscious is giving her such a hard time, and I might as well point out here that it's pretty clear the kids represent the manifestation of her unconscious guilt and questions about the mystery rather than any sort of paranormal activity. Meg nervously says that she has important information, and Peter agrees that they all do, but Betina tells them that it's time for the bus to crash. Well, at least the rain on that parade won't make them any wetter.
Veronica awakens in class, and we hear her listening to the exact same Captain Krunk broadcast we heard back in "Ahoy Mateys." You'd think the actor might have been available for some new ADR work in the five months since that episode aired...
...but that broadcast does at least provide a smooth transition, since Logan is the image to appear on screen. He and Wallace are working on their egg protector in Logan's suite at the Grand, and Logan says that if the egg survives, they pass. And if not, they could tweak the model and have a summer-school season. Come on -- classes on the beach with bikini-clad girls and shirtless guys would be a ratings juggernaut, even if the biggest mystery is who keeps stealing Logan's bathing suit. Not that that one would be an easy one to solve. Anyway, Logan holds the tape measure, and Wallace drops the contraption, which seems to be made of popsicle sticks, cotton, and bubble wrap. The egg survives, and Wallace offers that he guesses their work is done, in the somewhat resentful tone of someone who's been eating lunch alone quite a bit now that the basketball season is over. Logan, of course, is more interested in the buffalo burger that's just arriving for him, and while I'm impressed that he seems to tip the guy an adequate amount, it doesn't look like he offered to get his physics partner anything. Theoretically, it's possible that he offered and Wallace turned him down, but since the sentence most heard from Wallace at lunch is "Are you done with that?," I'm thinking no. When the server has gone, Logan notes that Wallace doesn't like him much. I'm surprised he noticed, but then again, he's probably got the signs memorized by now. Wallace remarks that the last time they talked, Logan was bashing Veronica's headlights with a crowbar. Oh, Wallace, you're really misrepresenting the situation. Logan totally didn't talk to you in that scene either. There's another knock at the door, and a housekeeper comes in with a couple of pillows. Logan introduces Wallace to his "fluffer." You'd think that would be obnoxious, but from the sly smile the woman gives by way of response, it seems she is indeed there for, um, turn-up service. Wallace gets the message and bails.
Chez Mars. Veronica enters and asks Keith if she saw him at school. Keith: "I don't know -- were you hallucinating?" Aw, Keith is so cute when he's pleased with himself for being witty. Veronica notes that he's wearing the same "snazzy" outfit, which she recognizes as his "dating uniform." He does look rather dashing in a dark suit and midnight blue shirt and matching tie, but only having one such uniform doesn't imply a lot of follow-up dates, so I just hope that the blue color doesn't extend past his clothing. Veronica asks if there's some "Miss James rekindling," in a tone that suggests she'd be a lot more amenable to it this time around, but Keith gives nothing away and holds up an envelope, saying "You've got mail." Oh, Keith. A clever joke, a nice outfit, and then you have to bust out a line that makes me think of AOL and Meg Ryan at once. No wonder you're not getting past first. Keith expectantly clarifies that the letter is from Stanford, and Veronica nervously notes that it's "a little anorexic" for an acceptance. Keith tells her that it'll be all right no matter what, and Veronica steels herself, opens the envelope, steels herself again, and reads the letter...and she's in. She giggles in ecstasy and hugs Keith, and this is the happiest, purest moment we've seen from her since she found out for sure that Keith is her biological father. It's lovely...
...for about three seconds, as Veronica and bitchy Angie are sitting in Clemmons's office. He informs them that they're the only two remaining in the running for the Kane Scholarship, but there was an error in the GPA calculations. Veronica is all, "Error? What kind of error?" in a voice that suggests this "Error" is some sort of being that date-raped her, killed her best friend, and caused her mom to run away. Just as an abstract example. Clemmons clarifies that Angie got an A in a college-level course she took called "Summer at Sea," and was mistakenly credited with a four-point A instead of a five-point A. So she is the new leader, and a gracious one at that, as she snarks that Veronica could have taken the class, as it was open to anyone. Veronica counters by asking how much the course set Angie back, and she smarms, "How should I know?" Veronica looks at Clemmons all, "Can you believe these rich kids?" and we cut out before we see Clemmons's answering stare of "Talk to me in twenty-five years, kid."
BSK! is telling Veronica that Angie isn't so bad. Veronica: "She's a demon spawn." And yet she turned Dick down. BSK! lets Veronica bitch about those evil rich kids for a while instead of Googling "Stanford student loans" and coming up with 1,820 results. But I guess there's no place for those in the life of a girl who's used to working two jobs and getting top grades while still managing to have an active social life. Not if she wants time for really challenging things like solving mass murders and outwitting the FBI -- oh, wait. Seriously, is it me? Anyway, BSK! steers Veronica back to her dreams, and Veronica admits that she's no closer to any answers, but smiles as she says that the silver lining right now is that Keith seems happy. At BSK!'s blank stare, Veronica clarifies that she's glad BSK! and Keith are back in touch, which BSK! flatly denies. Veronica looks at her, all, "I'm cool with the icky grownup sex now, really." I'd doubt her, except I think anyone who can evenly deliver "Dad, your hooker's here" has indubitably developed an adult level of laissez-faire.
Neptune High. In the hallway, Veronica is pedebitching at Wallace about Angie, who's in sunny "Get over it" mode, and then they reach crazy Michele's shrine, at which they see pictures of the victims taped onto a banner with the angelic school bus, complete with "We'll Never Forget." Well, that may be technically true, but given how scattered the bus-crash references have been throughout the season, the show hasn't been helping "our" memory along any. Wallace exposits that Rhonda and her sister "Natalie" were in Clemmons's office all the time: "Huffing paint, stealing, fighting -- anything to reinforce the PWT stereotype." I'm getting more and more impressed with Veronica's grade-point feats this season. Because given the number of prolific students in the school with whom Veronica is completely unaware, Neptune High must have an enrollment of about ten thousand. Also difficult to believe is that Veronica can't figure out that "PWT" stands for "Poor White Trash," but maybe she's still blocking out anything that reminds her of her mom. Veronica asks Wallace if he can point Natalie out to her after school. Wallace: "What else am I gonna do?" Take up a late-spring sport?
A rather birdlike woman is babbling to a dating-uniform-wearing Keith about the pros and cons of different dating services and how she likes not having to give a picture or her real name, and in an unrelated story, all bullfights in Spain go on hiatus due to a sudden shortage of red flags. Also, they appear to be in Java The Hut, so Keith must really be willing to test Veronica's new stomach. Keith says nothing, yielding their total number of words to that of a normal conversation...
...and then Mr. Wu is telling Angie that her mother sent her something: "Apparently it's more important than my class." Angie leaves without a "Duh," and then Wu calls Wallace up. Logan hands him the contraption and asks if he can rub his head for luck. Wallace is all, "You can try," and Logan once again has occasion to bemoan how few episodes Weevil is in this season. (He's not the only one, if you read all the forum complaints about the lack of follow-up of his storyline from last week.) Anyway, Logan and Dick get with the cheering, Wallace drops the bomb, and there's a shriek...as Angie bursts back in with some balloons and says that she got into Stanford. Dick offers that she can be roomies with Veronica, and Angie, after a moment of shock at that unwelcome news, snarks that "somebody has to do the football team." Now that would be quite the aid package. Also, Angie makes me miss Carrie Bishop. Anyway, Echolls and Fennel pass, and Wu offers them the chance to try again from higher the day. Dick sexually harasses Angie by way of Veronica and same-dorm lesbianism, and Angie responds by asking Wu for another partner, because "Dick is being inappropriate and didn't help with our project." No shockers in a sentence about Dick. Hard to believe. Dick lies that he "totally helped," but Wu calls him out, challenging him to pick out "their" project. Dick of course has no idea, and rather hilariously doesn't even give a good go of it, so Wu flunks him on the spot and says he'll see him in summer school. See? My idea's picking up steam! Logan -- seemingly, from his reactions throughout the scene, annoyed about Angie's treatment of both Dick and Veronica -- congratulates Angie on fulfilling the "Stanford bitch quota." Well, Logan, to be fair, someone had to, and you didn't even apply. She wishes him a good time at trade school and breezes out.
Outside, Wallace finds Logan and tells him that he's going to keep working on the project. Logan tells him to come by later, as he's in. "What's time to a hog?" I'll concede that that's an antiquated expression, but it probably doesn't explain Wallace watching the back of Logan for seventeen years with an amused smile.
Parking lot. Veronica and Wallace are sitting on the trunk of her car when a girl walks by that Wallace identifies as Natalie. Noting that she's driving a Corvette, Veronica asks, "Are you sure there's a 'P' before that 'WT'?" Heh. I guess she also noted the bleached hair and the pink tank with "Crown Jewels" glittered across it. Wallace says that, last year, Natalie offered to make out with him for cigarette money. I wonder how many packs it took before Wallace decided that kissing an ashtray wasn't for him. Anyway, Veronica turns her dial to "Bimbo, Setting 423," and compliments a bored Natalie on her car, saying that she's looking to move up to "a sweeter ride." She asks how the 'Vette handles, and Natalie breezes, "Better than the bus." Veronica backs off, although it's not entirely clear whether she knows she's busted, or she's simply overwhelmed by that outpouring of emotion on behalf of Rhonda. She calls Keith...
...who's at Java The Hut with a different woman. When he answers, she tells him that she's taking his advice and following the money, and asks him to run the financial records of the families of the kids who died in the crash. Keith agrees, and when he hangs up, his date tells him he reminds her of George Costanza from Seinfeld: he's a nice guy, but there's so much "unrealized potential." I'm surprised she's sat still so long for this date, since if that's her impression of George, she clearly did not watch more than three seconds of that show at any given time. She suggests that Keith try some cologne, a gym membership, and a hair transplant. Keith's face sags hilariously as he realizes the dark side of not having to submit a picture.
Wallace is reading verbatim out of Physics For Speed Freaks, causing Logan to cut him off: "Four is officially your espresso limit." It's nice how they're getting to know each other. Wallace says that he's trying to beat Angie to help out Veronica, and asks Logan why he's "doing this." Logan says it's not for Veronica, but in "the spirit of competition." Considering that he's just sitting on his ass, I'd question his competitive drive, but he did give Wallace enough caffeine to produce the output of four men and probably a mule, so you can't say he's not contributing. Logan goes to take a piss (or as he says, "See a man about a horse," like, when did you turn into your grandfather, Logan?), so Wallace flips on the TV and surfs until he comes across The Tinseltown Diaries, which just happens to be lousy with Echollses. After several moments, Logan pops back to say that they rerun it twice a day, and that it's a top-rated episode. He disappears again as Wallace sits with the mixed feelings in his heart. Or maybe he's just realizing that that last espresso was a big mistake.
And speaking of indigestion, Veronica arrives home to find Keith serving chili. He tells her that the run of the financial records revealed that none of the families got money off insurance, but that Rhonda's family won a two-million-dollar payout from...The Woodman. DUN! He adds that "Woody's Burgers" paid the money in secret. He sets down the chili: "Apparently the mom found a finger in her Ribwich." That wouldn't have slowed down Homer Simpson any, but Veronica's spoon stops in midair, and I giggle myself into the commercial break.
Veronica sneaks into Clemmons's office using her duplicate purloined key as VMVO tells us that it's lunch hour in the administration office. She adds that it's a long shot that any of the crash victims will have anything useful in his or her permanent file, but she's already waited fifteen episodes to take this step since she concluded that the bus crash was meant for her, and waiting sixteen would just be plain stupid. Anyway, Veronica conveniently finds all the crash victims' folders in the same plastic envelope, but we barely have time to see that Rhonda's surname is "Landers" before we hear a key in the lock. Veronica gasps and runs for the closet just ahead of Clemmons and Keith entering the room. Keith is saying that Veronica won't let him buy nice sunglasses because he'll lose them, and I hope Clemmons doesn't keep his office too cool, because then the heat coming off Veronica's ears will all too likely give her away. Keith says that he's slowly making headway on "the case," and Clemmons says that the school has had three more cases this week of "Generalized Anxiety Disorder," all coming from the same doctor. He adds that the faculty is being forced to give the students who claim to have this problem deadline extensions and makeup exams at the students' discretion. Those poor teachers. If I had kids crying wolf every time I tried to give out an assignment, my anxiety would go through the roof, although there would be nothing general about the way it manifested itself. Keith says that he hopes to have something for Clemmons soon, and then goes to get his coat. He gives a hilariously wide-eyed look when he sees Veronica nestled sheepishly among the coats, and when she hands one of them over, he's all, "Yup! That's mine, all right." Hee. It doesn't seem like he's inclined to help Veronica out of her jam here, though, so I hope for her sake that Clemmons keeps himself well hydrated.
Java The Hut. A nice-looking woman is telling Keith that she was totally one of the people who lambasted him for going after Jake Kane, but that she felt horrible when she found out what really happened, and made a point of going out in the recent local election just to vote for him. Keith jokes that he carried the pity vote, but that's obviously true, because playing on people's sympathies is about as alien to Lamb as...well, the concept of people's sympathies. Also, Keith has changed his blue shirt to a red one, and if my read earlier had any validity, this bodes well for his prospects here. Keith asks about the woman, and she says she's dull -- just the office manager for a local doctor. Well, at least she'll be organized when it comes time to file for unemployment. Keith makes another hilarious face as he says he'd love to hear about it.
Neptune High. VMVO tells us that Peter's postings disclosed that he had "yellow fever" and was hot for a certain teacher, and that there was an unspecified incident in his permanent file involving Mr. Wu. "Can't help but [sic] wonder if teacher decided to take a pet." Veronica hits up Mr. Wu for money for the yearbook tribute, saying that she was a friend of Peter's, but then gets right into it, asking if Wu misses Peter. Wu: "As a bright, dedicated student, yes. In the way I think you're implying? No." Veronica isn't convinced, and brings up the whole "outing of all outings" business, about which I should point out two things: (1) a random public-school teacher hardly qualifies for that; and (2) it's become a common enough saying that it by no means has to refer to homosexuality. You might even call it a versatile expression. Wu takes Veronica on, saying that when she gets a bit more life experience, she'll realize that "not all well-dressed, articulate, detail-oriented men are gay. Many of them are just...Asian." See, Veronica, growing up isn't about shedding stereotypes. It's about knowing which ones to use at what time. Also, Wu is funny. He says that he was aware of Peter's feelings for him, since Peter confessed them when they ran into each other at "Possibilities," a gay bar at which Wu's cousin was having a birthday party. I wonder if the name of the bar inspired Wu to introduce Peter to his cousin. On a teacher's salary, getting creative with the birthday presents would be understandable. Anyway, Wu told Clemmons about the incident, which is why it's in the file. Veronica apologizes and says that it's none of her business, like, nice to say that after you forced this uncomfortable confrontation, but turns back to ask if Peter had any hobbies, like drawing or painting. Wu quizzically says that he thought Veronica was Peter's friend, and Veronica takes that cue to make as graceful an exit as the situation will now allow, which I'm surprised to see doesn't involve bashing her nose on the door frame while slipping on a banana peel...
...and then we're on the bus, as a popular club remix plays, and Peter asks Veronica if she believes Wu. She says yes, and agrees with my point about Wu not being significant enough to qualify for "the outing of all outings" anyway. Peter snarks that Veronica doesn't know him just because of his postings, but Veronica demurs, saying that she knows him like the back of her...she holds up her hand to see Curly's "Veronica Mars" on her palm. Nice and creepy, there. Peter says that Veronica should consider the question of why Peter was even on the bus: "Why would I even be interested in going to a baseball stadium?" Well, kiddo, I could point out that many gay men, including me, like baseball just fine, but in your case, it's probably a stronger point to note that Terrence Cook up close and personal is finer than most things you'll see in an average week. I wonder if the nurses are fighting over who gets to change his bandages. Veronica mulls over Peter's words into the last commercial break.
Neptune High. Veronica, sporting a lunch tray and iPod, heads for a table outside as VMVO tells us that Cervando (surname Luna, apparently not "Perez," as said here) had a 3.8 GPA but was in trouble a lot, and got in trouble in summer school for pushing Beaver against a wall and threatening him. Do they give advanced courses in summer school? I guess, given the Babbling Bimbo's assessment of Cervando, that seems reasonable -- certainly more so than a dude with a 3.8 average and a seeming overachiever like Beaver (he's studying as I speak) having failed a class. I'll go with it, so don't email me. Veronica sits down with a genial "Busy Beaver, always working." I guess Mac forgot to tell her about the friendial obligation. (Of course, Beaver looked so heartbreakingly damaged in the scene outside the dance in the last episode that it's hard to be pissed at him, but Veronica presumably doesn't know about that.) Veronica asks about the incident...
...and Beaver flashes back to himself sitting in a classroom watching Cervando, who just happens to be bragging to a couple of guys about how he suckered Liam Fitzpatrick and his cousin out of a bunch of money in a pool game. Of course, that's the same hustle that was the subject of the anonymous call pinning the bus crash on Curly in the last episode. Anyway, Cervando shows off his new two-hundred-dollar jeans and says he's never taking them off, until Dick appears in the doorway and squirts Cervando with some liquid from a water gun. Ah, Dick. It must take a lot of effort to be in school twelve months a year and never learn a thing.
Back in the present, Beaver says that Cervando was normally a pretty cool guy, but that, the day, he was on the warpath, since Dick's gun was loaded with bleach. Frankly, this is one time I'd thank Dick for his immaturity, because those jeans put the "ugh" in "fugly."
Back in flashback, we see Cervando stalk out of a classroom, white stains all over the jeans, and shove Beaver up against a bank of lockers. Over Beaver's protests that he didn't do anything, he gives Beaver a paper with the size, style, and color of the jeans he wants, and then Clemmons appears and calls Cervando away. Beaver's already plotted his revenge, though -- he just needs to download directions to the irregular outlet.
In the present, Beaver speculates that Dick was "too big" for Cervando, so he picked on Beaver: "Story of my life." Oh, dear. If everyone who ever had a score with Dick settled it with Beaver, who knows what the kid might be, um, driven to do?
Keith hands over a tape to Clemmons, saying that it's got a recording of "Dr. Burns"'s office manager offering to give Veronica a diagnosis of GAD in exchange for a thousand-dollar consultation fee. Clemmons asks how he got it. Keith: "Painfully. You gotta kiss a lotta toads before you find your medical office manager." Clemmons and Keith grin at each other rather skeevily.
Outside, Angie's egg survives the drop from twelve feet, but she used...helium balloons? Is she kidding? I mean, if you attached tiny retro-rockets to the egg, would that be okay too? Actually, that would be pretty cool -- you could get an A in physics and cook breakfast at the same time. Anyway, Logan sarcastically claps (watch the bend on the wrists, if you doubt my earlier statement) and Wallace gives him the eye-rolliest of commiserative facial expressions. Wu announces that Logan and Wallace are the only other ones left in the running for the final-exam exemption, so I guess they go to thirteen feet if they survive twelve, not that that stepladder they're using isn't closed tightly enough already to spell potential lawsuit. Wallace pats a nervous-looking Logan on the back and heads up the ladder with a complicated casing that has "Pirates" written on it. If Logan and Wallace win, maybe the school will hire them to design a large-scale model for their buses. Ounce of prevention, you know. Wu opens it and takes out the egg, which looks good -- except for a tiny crack on the side. Logan screws up his mouth, all, "Can't win 'em all." He'd know.
In the hallway, Angie proudly holds her egg trophy (hee) as some friend of hers asks if she's ready for Miss Murphy's (think nasal-voiced teacher) Crime And Punishment exam, and she says no, since she was up all night working on the egg protector, but that she'll be fine because of her GAD exemption. Down the hall, Veronica is still listening to Krunk while not looking where she's going, causing her to bump into Logan. He notes the bags under her eyes and mildly says she looks like Steve Buscemi. Veronica snits that Logan is such a catch: "How has Hannah been able to keep away?" Well, booking Split Decision might have had something to do with it (and congrats to her and Alona Tal). Logan crawls away like a wounded puppy, and I'm not saying that wasn't a little mean from Veronica, but Logan's given her a lot worse for a lot less reason in the continuing dance of their relationship, so just because Veronica has a better taking-to-dishing-out ratio isn't any reason to string her up here. Anyway, Wallace, who's quickly become attuned to his new crush's scent and as such has witnessed most of this scene, smilingly tells Veronica that maybe she should cut Logan a break sometimes. Veronica, awesomely, looks after Logan and then back to Wallace, COMPLETELY mystified, and what really kills me is that Wallace totally knew that would happen and is enjoying it immensely. Wallace smugly strides away, and Veronica puts her headphones back on and resolves to watch where she's going so she doesn't step through the looking glass again.
Clemmons announces over the PA that the GAD dispensations are being revoked forthwith, but Ms. Murphy doesn't even wait for him to finish talking before she slaps the exam down in front of a magazine-reading Angie. Well, Angie, Stanford called, and they said you can have your pick between the lacrosse and the hockey team. Hey, college is expensive.
Veronica's falling asleep in Mr. Wu's class when he snaps at her to put a problem up on the board. She wearily heads to the front and starts writing, but falls into a dream...
...and a spattered-jeans-wearing Cervando (guess he really is never taking them off) is asking how she got home the day of the crash. When she tells him, "Weevil," he opines that it's weird how the bomb killed Driver Ed, but not any of the students. It was the crash onto the rocks that got most of them, and Cervando says he even made it through that, but then drowned. Which makes it awfully hard to imagine how Meg could have survived, but since this is just Veronica's unconscious talking, this whole statement may not be accurate. Cervando starts drawing on the window, making the point that anyone who wanted only to take out the driver could have detonated the bomb at any point, but for him or her to do it in a place that would send the bus over the cliff, he or she would have had to be in sight of it. Veronica breathes that Cervando thinks it was Weevil, and he replies, "I am God." Music kicks up, and we're in the classroom, as Veronica realizes that she's written "I AM GOD" on the blackboard, and all the students are laughing at her. Except that was all a dream, as she wakes up with a start. The song is still playing over the Krunk broadcast, though, and you can hear the lyric "I am God," giving Veronica a moment of realization. She pops up and heads over to a computer, and quickly learns that "I am God" is a song by "The Wannabes," and what's more, the Grim Reaper illustration with the nine tombstones belongs to them. I can't imagine that many teenagers have ever wished their parents listened to more hardcore music, but Veronica is now one of them...
...and she's just told BSK! about her discovery. BSK! asks her if she thinks she's through being haunted. Veronica: "I better be." Honey, what you'd better do is eat coffee straight from the can for the rest of the episode, is all I'm saying.
Keith arrives home to find a sleepy Veronica on the couch. He tells Veronica that he followed the money too, and that the rich kids were not on the bus but in the limo, so maybe they were the target after all. He adds that Big Dick took out an insurance policy on his sons three days after marrying Kendall: "Dick and Beaver are worth more dead than they are alive." The scenario he's getting at means that the bomb would have been hidden in the baseball in Dick's memorabilia bag, which he gave to Betina, and whoever gave the order to detonate was watching the limo, which as we know was very close to the bus at the time of the explosion. Of course, if Dream Cervando is to be believed, Betina didn't die from the bomb, so that theory would seem unlikely except for what's about to come...
...as then we're back on the bus, where we finally meet Marcos. He tells Veronica that everything's back to her: "We died because of you." Sorry you went to all this trouble to make a dramatic appearance there, kid, because I could have told you that you were wasting your time. Seriously, if there's one thing I think everyone on the boards agrees on, it's that Veronica was not the intended target. So if she was, of course, I'll be very impressed, but until then, shut up. Marcos asks if she thinks he could get into art school, and holds up that turtle you see on late-night TV after Sally Struthers has finished offering classes in gun repair. Veronica's upset, and we look out the window to see a cool CGI shot of the bus falling toward the rocks. Marcos's cell phone rings, and he holds it out to Veronica. "It's for you." She takes it. In the back, Rhonda is leaving her message for Michele -- well away from her bag, which is sitting to Veronica with the bomb in it. (Doesn't it seem like, though, that to absolutely guarantee the bomb being close enough to the driver to kill him, a necessary component of the plan, someone on the bus might have been complicit here? Just a thought.) Veronica stares at it in horror, and then she jumps as the phone rings again. Considering the caller ID presumably says "UGLY DEATH," I don't blame her for not answering it into the closing credits. Also, awesome, creepy ending, which will probably unfortunately be completely unaddressed week.
Well, I'm sensing that this is going to be my last rant of the season. And before I get into it, I want to say that I think this episode was brilliant in its conception. Using the crash victims to represent Veronica's unconscious is a visceral way to simultaneously connect with Veronica's emotions and get to know the players involved, as was using Lilly in the same way in the first season. And here, Veronica's got survivor's guilt, fear for her life and her dad's, and an overwhelming sense that this mystery is too big for her to deal with. Or she should have had those feelings. But the timing of this arc has been rather severely mishandled, in my opinion, and it all boils down again to the question I and many other people have been asking for a while: why hasn't Veronica been investigating the crash with any sort of vigor up to this point? What has she wanted that's gotten in the way?
As I mentioned a couple of recaps ago, the only thing she's really seemed to want is to get out of Neptune, and pursuant to that goal, to secure the Kane Scholarship. So it would have been at least believable, if not overly compelling, for her to spurn investigative work in favor of studying. She does that for a while, the conflict builds, and you throw this episode in late in the first half of the season. If Veronica had to sacrifice one goal to pursue another, that would have yielded character-driven dramatic tension. But she's been able to work two jobs, have a boyfriend and a social life, and still come in first in her class -- which, okay, but then again, why not dump cases like crazy Julie or Jane's asshole sister in favor of investigating the crash, especially if she thinks it was meant for her? I mean, she did ten times the work on the case in this episode than she did in the entire rest of the season! And so much plot was left to the last five episodes that we didn't even get to see Veronica deal with the emotions attendant to sneaking onto the bus on which she could have died, like, WHAT? Veronica's passivity with respect to the crash is just a glaring, gaping flaw in a season that I absolutely think could have been as stunning as the first one. I would have totally adored this episode if it had come in considerably earlier in the season, both because Veronica would have been way more invested for a lot longer, and also because it would have given us some time to digest the season arc at a reasonable pace, rather than having a huge percentage of the developments shoved down our throats in the last few episodes. I mean, I know there's been a lot of layering, and I've enjoyed that. I do want to find out about Phoenix Land Trust and Haaron's schemes and The Woodman's creepiness -- all of it. I'm totally looking forward to the last four episodes, and I expect to be blown away. But I could have been blown away better, and it's because of Veronica. She's the most important character on this show, and if she doesn't care, it makes it a hell of a lot harder for the rest of us to.
I should add, too, that I recently heard that the original plan for the bus crash was to kill everyone involved, which would have obviated the ridiculous pregnancy storyline, but the network wouldn't allow it. Which, boo.
Rant over. All good from here on out, I'm hoping.