Dude.
No, seriously, dude. That was some fucked-up shit. I'm looking at the "TV-14" advisory, and I'm just wondering if Rob Thomas will let his newborn daughter watch this show when she gets to that age. Or, you know, ever. Okay.
Previouslies: we see new footage of Veronica finding "SLUT" and "ABEL IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER" painted on her windshields after Shelley Pomroy's (yeah, apparently there's no "e") party. Other stuff happened, too.
We open in...Havana, Cuba. Those are some vintage cars, there. At an outdoor café, we pan over to see a male figure whose face is obscured by the paper he's reading, The Globe And Mail. ["Wooooooo! Canada!" -- Wing Chun] When he folds the paper down, we see that it's a beard-sporting Duncan. Interesting, considering he's about the only male character on the show I haven't suspected of having a beard at one point or another. Keith's voice rings out, "Buenos dias," and we see him wearing shades and a Panama hat and grinning like the Cheshire cat. Appropriate, since Duncan looks like he wishes Keith would disappear. Keith makes a Casablanca reference, and Duncan counters with a Wizard Of Oz allusion. And suddenly the beard makes more sense. Keith compliments Duncan on the job he did with the fake passport. Duncan averts Keith's gaze as he asks if Keith thinks he killed Lilly. Keith responds that he only knows it wasn't Abel Koontz. Jeez, no love from the writers, all of a sudden. What did I do? Duncan counters that he knows he didn't do it. Interesting revelation. It would be slightly more credible if he hadn't run off to a Communist country at the mere suggestion that hewasinvolved, but perhaps he'd been meaning to get as much mileage as possible out of the concept of seeing how the other half lives.
Close-up on a badly-drawn skull, with fangs and blue flames around it. It's the design on what I think is a surfboard, owned by Dick Casablancas. Dick is telling Logan that the board is his "child." Well, it's certainly got a face only you could love, Dick. Logan snarks in a similar vein about the inadvisability of Dick's reproducing, and then literally skips off after Veronica. No, really, he needs to wear heavy boots or something, because he almost got airborne there. He'd be great at the broad jump, for more than one reason. Logan tries to get Veronica to talk to him, but she speeds away as Weevil appears and runs interference for her. Logan and Weevil get into it about Lilly, and Logan tells Weevil that Lilly never had any real interest in Weevil: "You're a pork rind. You're what people grab when they're stoned and they just want garbage." I would say that makes him a Cheeto, not that I have any idea what Logan's talking about or anything. Weevil twists the knife, asking what's worse -- the thought that Lilly had feelings for Weevil, or that she was using Weevil for sex. Well, assuming Weevil can be believed, which isn't necessarily the case, that answers the question of how far he and Lilly went. Also, this is the first time Logan and Weevil have acknowledged Weevil's involvement with Lilly to each other, but considering that I thought it was weird that Logan bought Weevil's explanation of the Lilly tattoo in the first place, I'm not exactly surprised. Logan tells Weevil to stay away from Veronica, and Weevil returns the sentiment. Considering that, at the moment, a well-placed breeze could blow either of their tongues into the other's mouth, I think staying away from Veronica might not be much of a problem for either of them. The gym teacher breaks them up, but whether his aversion is to violence or homoeroticism is unclear. But considering that he doesn't object to Logan pawing Weevil's jacket before he takes off, I'm going to do with the former.
Veronica showers. I haven't seen such a desperate need to get clean since I heard that Naveen Andrews was dating "Barbara Hershey." Backup 2.0 barks, and when a robe-clad Veronica emerges from the shower, she quickly sees that Logan is waiting on the porch. She inhales and considers her move. Logan, if you're interested in having children someday, you'd better hope said move doesn't involve Backup 2.0. Veronica finally opens the door and says it's a bad time. Logan, catching the snap: "Okay, so I should come back when? Never?" At her stony gaze, he asks her to tell him what he did, so that he can explain. Veronica: "Explain to me why you were the one with GHB the night of Shelley Pomroy's party when someone drugged and raped me." Logan asks if he at least gets a dry-erase board for this one. Okay, not really. He takes a second to react, which might seem a little weird. It could be, though, that he's going through all the potential rapists in his mind, and if you've seen the rest of this episode, you'll know that even the short list takes a little time to get through.
Veronica, voice starting to break a little, tells Logan that she was told he had the drugs, which he admits: "I got some Liquid X when I was in Tijuana with Luke (from "You Think You Know Somebody") and Sean (from "An Echolls Family Christmas")." According to this, "Liquid X" is a popular nickname for GHB, even though it's a misnomer. Logan continues, "We were just gonna have some fun." That's not a three-way I would have pictured, but given that Logan made a musical-theater reference the last time he was in Tijuana with Luke, and smoked a thick stogie the last time we saw him with Sean, maybe I shouldn't be surprised. Veronica's voice breaks again as she asks if the fun involved sex with unconscious people. Logan says he was thinking "go to a rave" fun, and I don't think I need to point out that the two aren't mutually exclusive. Logan petulantly asks what he can do to make it better, which attitude I don't think is going to help, but does seem in character. Veronica says she's going to make whoever did it pay. Seems like a good plan, considering it was an 09er party. Then you can talk Ivy League education in earnest. She adds: "Even if it was you." They look at each other, and then Veronica closes the door with a "Sorry. I have to go throw up now." Good idea. Let's all meet back here after the opening credits!
Neptune High. VMVO tells us that people who hate you typically aren't all that helpful. I've had a number of people that hate me tell me where to go, but that's not the sort of help she's looking for, I don't think. She adds that out of the hundred people at Shelley's party, "ninety-eight of them would walk over [her] corpse for free gum." To say nothing of what they'd do if she were merely unconscious. VMVO goes on to say that she has some 09ers she can trust, as she sunnily approaches Meg. After some talk about Hemingway -- which is cute given the whole Cuba thing -- Veronica asks Meg if she was at Shelley's party. Meg's false cheer in admitting that she was is the first thing we've seen that makes her look like a true 09er. Except being a cheerleader. And dating the son of a gajillionaire. Veronica asks if Meg saw her there, since her memory's a little fuzzy. Meg says that maybe that's a good thing, but Veronica presses the issue. If the girl who's non-judgmental enough to think "TomKat" could really be in love is telling me I don't want to know what I did at a party, my instinct is to take that at face value. But in flashback, we see that Meg is telling "Cole" that she didn't even get to say goodbye to Shelley. Well, if you kiss her good night, you might want to press your lips together tight. Cole notes that they could stick around for some body shots, as they see a bunch of people crowded around Veronica. Without going into too much detail, let's just say they're giving tequila an even worse reputation than it already has. Meg opines that they should help Veronica. Cole disagrees, and they stand off until he points out that someone's leading Veronica away. We find out who it is later, but it's a bit early to give it away. Back in the present, Meg tells Veronica that it's just her "big high-school alcohol-related embarrassing moment," and that she should let it go, because if she doesn't, it'll make her crazy. I don't think Meg really did much wrong at the party, given that it doesn't seem like she and Veronica were even friends at the time, but her speech makes it sound like she thinks she did, which is in character. Don't make me bring back your "Saint Blonde" nickname, Meg. We're both happier when I only have to type three letters.
On a tarmac, Wiedman and Mommie Sneerest are waiting as Duncan and Keith disembark from a puddle-jumper. Mommie Sneerest fondly greets Duncan as Keith and Wiedman exchange a hello that's got all the casual menace of James Bond greeting an arch-enemy. And I wouldn't think Keith is quite the right physical type to play Bond, but tuxedos do work wonders. After a bit of snark, Keith promises to send Wiedman a postcard he can read in jail. Oh, snap, but I hope taunting Wiedman was worth it. Wrestling an alligator may make you feel like a man, but you're still incomplete if it ends up biting your head off. Either one, in point of fact. Moving from Scylla to Charbitchdis, Keith greets Mommie Sneerest, and suggests that she stop by the office to pay him the reward. Mommie Sneerest informs him that she and Veronica had an arrangement, and that he just met Veronica's end of the bargain. It's a good thing Duncan's already in the car, since he's only wearing shorts and a t-shirt. You don't want to celebrate your return to the U.S. with a case of frostbite. Mommie Sneerest joins her son, and offhandedly tells him that he has no idea what the last few weeks have been like. And she hasn't even had to moderate the boards. She hands him water and a bottle of pills, and suggests that the time he runs away, he should take his medication with him. I can't believe she still thinks he's on antidepressants, since he's been off them for months. But would he really not have brought his epilepsy medication? Someone's in the dark here. I mean, I always am, but I think right now I'm not alone. Anyway, Duncan begs off taking the pills, claiming an empty stomach. Perhaps he was ill on the flight. Given Veronica's earlier declaration to Logan, maybe sensitive stomachs run in the family.
Veronica finds Luke and tells him she's cashing in the favor he owes her for helping him. He doesn't remember her saying she'd ask for a favor. Veronica: "It was implied." Hee. Luke is wearing an A's jersey, which, on the one hand, is a nice touch, considering we know what a huge baseball fan he is. On the other hand, it's hard to believe any self-respecting 09er would willingly associate himself with anything as down-market as Oakland. Luke laughs, because he's one of the nice guys, and Veronica asks him about the trip to "TJ" with Sean and Logan to buy GHB. Luke says that was a year ago, and that he doesn't have any now. Veronica: "I was gonna spike your juice box and have my way with you." Given the prime candidates for the rape at this point, you could do a whole lot worse. Luke says he gave the GHB to Dick, and the clause I just wrote about Veronica does not apply to Luke. In flashback, we see Dick, Luke, Sean, and Casey (from "Drinking The Kool-Aid") doing shots. Nearby, The Beav is talking to a girl, and Dick complains that The Beav is getting all the love "and Dick's flapping in the breeze." I could take that in a number of different directions, but no matter which way the wind is blowing...well, let's just say it's convenient that the points East and West are collectively "EW!" Also, I'd point out that if The Beav is talking to the "easy freshman" he later mentions, it means Logan couldn't have left until a fair amount later, even according to The Beav.
Luke tells Dick that he's got the hottest girlfriend ever, and given who we find out his girlfriend is, I wonder what definition of "hot" he's using. But I looked it up, and one definition is "unusually lucky," which applies to Madison both in the family into which she was accidentally switched, and in the reveal later in the episode about the drink. Thanks, "Hot" Definition #13! Dick complains about Madison's fake boobs, and that she's on Atkins. The diet apparently didn't last, but you probably didn't need me to tell you that. Dick asks if the guys got "stuff" in TJ, but Sean says he's saving his for a special occasion, "and this isn't it." Well, it's just too bad that Sean had to keep his wits about him during the poker game. Because if there's anything more special than Duncan and Logan standing around in nothing but reindeer boxers, I bet Sean hasn't seen it. Veronica enters the room, and Madison snottily wonders who invited her. Dick massages her shoulders, but she snaps, "Can you not be all over me for five seconds?" Whether I ever see her again or not -- and I pray the latter is the case -- I'm willing to bet that that's the most reasonable thing I will ever hear come out of her mouth. She walks away, and Luke gives up his GHB to Dick in sympathy. Everyone chuckles about how funny it will be to take Madison's ability to consent away. If it merely removed her ability to talk, though, it would be worth a laugh. Or fifty. Kidding aside, though, Luke's casual attitude about the potential drugging, considering he's once of the nice 09ers, speaks volumes.
Back in the present, Veronica asks if Dick really drugged Madison. Luke explains that Dick asked for two doses, and that he assumed Dick was planning to take one and give the other to Madison, but he's pretty sure that's not what happened. Veronica asks why, and he responds, "You're not gonna like this part." I'm starting to sense a theme here. Back in flashback, apparently sometime later, Luke sees Madison pull her car up and get out in a tizzy. LVO says that GHB is supposed to make you nicer, as Madison spray-paints the windshield of what we assume is Veronica's car. Again back in the present, Veronica asks why she'd do that. Luke: "Because she's a horrible human being?" And here I thought the kid wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Veronica confronts a now-brown-haired Madison in the bathroom and asks why she wrote "slut" on Veronica's car. Madison turns, considers her answer, and replies, "Because 'whore' had too many letters." Well, considering it has the right number of letters, I'm going to write this: DAMN. Although I do like the implication that five-letter words are too long for Madison. Also, it's worth noting that it's never explicitly stated that Madison wrote the rest of the message, although it does seem likely. Veronica claims that she never did anything to Madison, but Madison tells her she made out with Dick in front of the entire party. At Veronica's blank look, Madison adds, "I guess I shouldn't take that personally, though, huh? You pretty much made out with everyone." Does anyone know how to spell out "You're not gonna like this" with semaphore flags? Because if not, I'm out of ideas here. In flashback, we see Veronica singing along to the Saucy Monky remake of "I Touch Myself" as she grabs Dick, plays with his hair, and makes out with him. Madison watches in disbelief, as Dick eventually insincerely says that isn't cool, and Veronica moves on into Casey's lap. Veronica asks if she really made out with Dick and Casey. Madison: "Please. You made out with the garage door." Well, sure, but she really made out with Dick? Veronica tells Madison that someone put GHB in her drink. Madison looks momentarily stunned, but then snarks, "Yeah." In the fight between reason and bitchery, bitchery so often wins. If it didn't, so many people would never get banned.
Veronica reaches her porch, only to hear Alicia berating Keith about Veronica's involving Wallace in bugging Wiedman. Keith defends Veronica and says she's not your average seventeen-year-old. Alicia: "How can she be, when you treat her like she's forty?" I hope he's not really treating her like she's forty, because if he is, his repeated use of "Who's your daddy" is even squickier than we'd imagined. Veronica enters and tries repeatedly to apologize to Alicia, but Keith orders her to her room. Veronica: "Fine. But he bugged me first." Now there's the reaction of a seventeen-year-old! Or at most a thirty-five-year-old, given that that's exactly what I would have said. When Veronica's gone, Alicia asks, "He bugged her first?" God, Alicia, he is Eeeevil. I know he wasn't wearing his black hat, but his nature goes beyond accessories.
In her room, Veronica's moping and listening to music when Keith enters. He tells her that Duncan's safe at home. She apologizes for the bugged plant, and Keith tells her it's okay, but mentions Mommie Sneerest's refusal to pay the reward. Keith thinks, though, that she'll eventually cough it up, and that she's just enjoying the moment. Veronica: "She's a witch." According to fairy tales, many stepmothers are. Keith averts Veronica's gaze as he suggests that Veronica find another occupation, since he thinks working for him is ruining her life. Veronica sits up: "You're the best father in the world." Awwww. Veronica gets him to look at her as she tells him she's healthy and happy. I'd think that was the exact sentence for which she wouldn't want him looking her in the eye. She adds that she wouldn't have gotten through the last year without him, but he counters that if not for him, she wouldn't have had to. She looks discomfited at that revelation, and he kisses her on the forehead and leaves. Jeez, way to burst her bubble, Keith, but it adds up that you'd be good at that. At least, if the apparent demise of her waterbed is any indication.
Neptune High parking lot. Veronica catches Casey, who greets her with a "'Sup, Veronica." Hee. Also, he looks like he's been working out. I approve. Veronica asks about Shelley's party, and he starts to blow her off, but she brings up the specter of his dead rich grandmother. And I can't even type the words "dead grandmother" without thinking of Ed Rooney in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Les jeux sont faits, indeed. Casey softens, saying he's not hanging out with the cult anymore, and asks what she needs. Veronica inquires again about the party, and we're in Casey's flashback. Significantly, in Casey's version, Veronica's more out of it, and Dick's the one singing "I Touch Myself" and initiating the kiss. The divergent points of view are in keeping with the stated intendedRashomon-esque feel, although it probably goes without saying that Casey is a more reliable source than Dick. We see Madison again with her horrified "lips that touch trash will never touch mine" look, which seems like self-hatred if I ever saw it. Dick then sort of tosses Veronica over to Casey, who soberly declines: "I like mine to be able to stand on their own power." I'd make a comment...
...except that back in the present, Veronica says, "I'm gonna go drink some bleach now." Casey suggests that if Veronica doesn't remember much about the party, she should leave it that way. Veronica asks if that means he saw something else. I am spent, people. No, really, I am, and I'm not even through the second act.
Back in flashback, Veronica moans that she has to go home, as the Beav looks on while Dick and Sean feed Veronica shots. This to me is at least as bad as anything else that happened at this party, given how out of it Veronica already is. I mean, she's five foot one here, and she's drinking more than Billy Martin after an extra-innings Yankees loss. We see an actress who I don't believe is the same one as in the pilot, as Casey tells Veronica that some of the guys thought it would be cool to see her make out with Shelley. We don't see if the girl-on-girl actually happens before we flash back to the present, where Veronica asks what the deal was with the shots. Casey: "Guess they were afraid you were sobering up." He leaves with a slightly bitchy look. Given that we're heading into another commercial break, shall we all put on our knee pads and take another quick trip to the bathroom? Also, it occurs to me that Shelley might have been "out of it" in a similar way to Veronica. No wonder it took a year and a half to put the events of this party together.
School. Veronica has emptied out her locker and is cleaning same. Wallace appears, and after some brief banter, Veronica apologizes for putting him up to bug Kane Software. Wallace sincerely says it's no big deal, and that he could have turned her down. He's giving himself more credit than I am, but it's a nice sentiment nonetheless. He does point out that he never asks for reasons when he agrees to do her these favors, and then informs her that Logan used one of the "untraceable tardy slips" with which he supplied her. He adds that Logan doesn't even know Wallace's name, so he's not thrilled about helping him. This one, I called. The fact that my temperature was normal while watching that scene certainly helped. Veronica lies that she gave it to Logan because she needed him to wrap up some loose ends on his mother's case. Ooh, not good. Veronica's lies are usually ones of omission, but looking her best friend in the face and lying to him is very deficient. Wallace: "Now that I have all the details, I don't feel like such a chump." He leaves, and he totally, totally knows. Awesome. He passed the chump card right back to her...
...and she's looking to unload it now, as she stalks in to see Sean. She totally tosses some guy who's talking to Sean out of the way. Seems harsh, but the case could certainly be made that she's doing him a favor. Veronica tells Sean that she and Shelley were thinking of getting together for "a little girl-on-girl," and asks if he'd like to join. Sean looks about like my dog did when I introduced her to Bitter Apple. He tries to squirm away, but Veronica threatens to tell the sheriff's department on him for having GHB. Sean tells Veronica that he didn't participate in giving her shots -- that was all Dick. In flashback, we see Dick carrying Veronica into the guest bedroom, humming a wedding march. It says something about Dick that out of all the reasons a union between them would be horrifyingly objectionable, the fact that her name would be "Veronica Casablancas" isn't even in the top ten. Dick tosses Veronica onto the bed and makes felonious comments as Sean and The Beav stand by and look uncomfortable. It becomes clear that Dick is trying to get The Beav to take advantage of Veronica, and tosses him condoms for said purpose, with the lovely comment "Make sure you suit up. You don't know where she's been." Well, it's nice to know that he's as good a brother as he is a person. Or a hair stylist. Dick and Sean bail.
Back in the present, Sean tells Veronica that her issues are with Dick and the Beav, who were horrible to her. Veronica: "Well, I'm just sorry you had to witness it. That must have been awful for you." Well, actually, he didn't seem too put out by...oh. Sarcasm.
We see Dick's ugly surfboard, and then pan up to see that Veronica's left front tire is on it, and her engine is running. Hee. This is one child that's going to be left behind, and not too soon either. Dick appears and panickedly tells her she's nuts. Veronica: "Insulting me right now seems like a good plan how?" It would be a good plan if he looked hot. Because then it would be Opposite Day. Veronica asks Dick if he gave her GHB at the party. He denies it, swearing on his life. Veronica: "See, when you say that, it makes me hope you're lying." Good recapping job there, Veronica. In fact, I'd offer to switch places with you, but I've seen the rest of the episode. Veronica accuses Dick of taking her into the guest bedroom "for Beaver," but Dick says he merely found them in there. We see a brief flashback in which Dick walks by the bedroom and sees Veronica kittenishly hitting on Beaver. Veronica doesn't buy it, but Dick is all, "Don't go blaming me because you got all wasted and slutty." Boy, doesn't a line like that just make you weep for the children? Well, you may not be, but Dick sure is, as Veronica reduces his board to smithereens. Ha. time, get a better-looking progeny. It goes without saying that adoption's your best bet.
Veronica catches The Beav at his locker and informs him that the dream she had about being in a room with him was reality: "Care to share some details, lover?" The Beav, discomfited, says that nothing happened. He was supposed to hook up with this "easy" freshman girl, but she left early with Logan. Veronica flinches a bit at that revelation, but tells him to go on. The Beav tells her that Dick brought the two of them into the room. In flashback, Dick and Sean look like themselves -- namely sociopathic assholes -- and The Beav tells them he can take it from there. Here, though, it's Sean with the "suit up" comment, which seems more him, although honestly it's like trying to distinguish between different types of slime. You can do it, but do you really want to look that closely? Anyway, in this flashback, The Beav asks Veronica if she's okay, and then runs out and hurls onto Carrie's (from "Mars vs. Mars") shoes. And he wondered why he didn't get any action.
In the present, the Beav reiterates that nothing happened, and he swears on his life (it runs in the Casablancas family) that the last time he saw Veronica, she was passed out on the bed. Veronica takes a deep breath, obviously believing him, but punches him in the shoulder with a "Thanks for leaving me there." The Beav looks upset, as you do when memories of near-rape and vomiting come swirling up in your throat.
Veronica's brought her ritualistic cleaning to Mars Investigations as VMVO says something unnecessary. In keeping with the admission that the network is responsible for some of the more "special" voice-overs, I'm going to call them "NVMVO." Keith walks in to find Veronica in a cleaning fit. I wish she'd buy a Roomba, if only to see how it would fare against Backup 2.0. Veronica hands Keith an envelope and says that the package he's been waiting for has arrived in Vegas. Keith explains that it has to do with the entertainment lawyer he's been tracking for the last year, which is the case Veronica cited when she gave the information to Duncan on how to disappear. He tells her he has to leave immediately, and suggests that maybe she should stay with a friend. Veronica tells him she'll be safe at home. Keith looks upset. Throw up, Keith! Everyone's doing it!
Chez Echolls. Logan enters to find Haaron cooking crab cakes for them. Logan says he'll enjoy them as his throat closes up and he shuffles off this mortal coil. You guys, I'm beginning to think Logan's a bit of a drama queen. That doesn't usually go hand-in-hand with "obligatory psychotic jackass." Yes, yes, opera singers. Anyway, the belabored point is that Logan's allergic to shellfish. Haaron hits his head all "Aw, shucks," although whether he's upset at his faulty memory or at the foiling of his plan is open to interpretation. Logan lights into his dad, causing Haaron to claim that he knows plenty about Logan. I'm not sure that being aware of the exact sound leather makes against your son's skin is something for the annals of good parenting, but I don't have kids. Logan asks Haaron when Logan's birthday is. Haaron guesses February, and Logan snarks that he got a vowel right. Haaron grabs Logan and starts to lose his temper, but visibly restrains himself, and says that he's trying, and that he's committed to the family. And "committed" is certainly a word that this family could use more of. Logan says his time is limited, because on his eighteenth birthday, "whenever that is" (hee), his inheritance from Lynn comes through, and he's out of there on Vladimir. Er, "like Vladimir." Yeah.
Veronica goes to see Carrie, who's working the counter at what seems to be a dessert place. Hmm, I thought Carrie was an 09er. She asks if Carrie saw her, and Carrie, with a neutral-to-somewhat-bitchy smile, says she did. In flashback, a male figure is on top of Veronica. She takes off his wifebeater, and he removes her underwear. They are going at it hot and heavy. Carrie, with a big drink in her hand, disgustedly tells them to shut the door time. Good thing Carrie had that drink, because anyone would need one to watch that scene, considering the participants. Oh, did I not mention who the guy was? Well, if it looks like a donut, and smells like a donut, know what it is? Well, it just might be incest. It's also definitely time to throw up again during the commercials. Three for three!
Boy, the milk of magnesia companies sure missed a golden opportunity to advertise during this episode.
Veronica, in tears, rings the Kanes' doorbell. Duncan answers, still scruffy. Veronica tells him some of what Carrie said, and asks for elaboration. Duncan dissembles, saying that the whole night is a blur to him, but Veronica cries as she tells him that Carrie said they were naked, and that he was on top of her: "You were the one that raped me!" Duncan asks if he's a murderer and a rapist now, and wonders why she's acting like she wasn't there. Veronica's shocked, but Duncan tells her that he thought they just had an unspoken rule that they weren't going to talk about it. He flashes back to walking in, looking decidedly blurry, and sitting on the bed and touching Veronica's face. Veronica wakes up, and dreamily says, "You're here." She sits up, and Duncan greets her tenderly. She tells him she misses him, and he falls on top of her. The one thing that bugs me here is that I'm guessing that they used protection, since they made such a big deal of showing us the condoms on the bed. But if they were both that hazy, would either of them have thought of it? I wonder if Duncan is being entirely truthful here, but perhaps even GHB can't completely erase the notion that while incest is gross, inbreeding is even worse.
Back in the present, Duncan asks if Veronica doesn't remember, and upon hearing that's the case, asks, "It's kind of a bad feeling, huh?" He says it with no compassion, however, which is chilling. Veronica continues to cry as she asks why he left, if it was so tender and loving. Duncan says that once he woke up and realized what he'd done, he had to get out of there. We see a flashback of shirtless Duncan getting out of bed as Veronica asks why sleeping with her was so bad, if it was consensual, as it seemed from his depiction of his point of view. Duncan: "'Cause you're MY SISTER! AND I KNEW IT! Even after my mother told me I tried to just cut you out of my life. I loved you! I tried not to, I TRIED not to, but it won't go away!" Veronica's sobbing by now, and Duncan's in tears as well. Wow, intense. It'd be nice to have a motherly figure around to make it all better. Or so you'd think, until Veronica turns to her left and sees that Mommie Sneerest has witnessed the whole scene. Geez, if they really are brother and sister, it's especially good that Veronica didn't get pregnant. Of course, the upside is that Mommie Sneerest would have had a heart attack. Or an attack of whatever it is passes for a heart. Point it, bitch would be dead. Veronica bails as Duncan collapses to the ground.
First off, Teddy Dunn was great in that scene. Really. That said, I still think Duncan's kind of...off. He thought they had an unspoken agreement not to talk about the sex after, from his point of view, Veronica consented to sleep with him after he broke up with her without a word? After she said she "missed him"? I mean, I think Veronica had it right when she said he stands "idly by." He doesn't connect with people, which is sad, because all the characters on the show seem to think he's a great guy, or at least, that he used to be. As for whether I found the big reveal satisfying, there will be time for that later. I've got nothing but time, if slogging through eighty-plus pages and counting in the episode thread is any indication. Oh, one other thing? I don't think that if Duncan was so tortured about Veronica being his sister that he would have had a reaction to a sexual fantasy about her that was appropriate forBeavis And Butt-Head. Although if Butt-Head had some serious orthodontic work done, he could pass for Duncan.
Veronica cries in her car, parked outside a house. Wallace comes running out, unaware of anything wrong until Veronica breaks down.
Inside, Veronica and Wallace sit on his bed, apparently much later. Veronica: "This is so not an 'I told you so,' but do you see why I keep things to myself?" Aw. Yes, it would have been nice, from an acting standpoint, to see her confession, but I really don't think it was necessary in an episode that's bursting at the seams already. Some people complained that there wasn't enough characterization in this offering, but my view is that we've had twenty episodes of that. It's fine with me to go plot-heavy to end the season, as long as my murder theory is right...I mean, "as long as the resolution is satisfying." It's exactly for that reason that I didn't mind how quickly the episode moved -- I liked going at a breakneck pace and figuring out what it all meant later. Not all of you had the luxury of writing several thousand words about it to get your thoughts in order, but looking at the episode thread, there are more of you than I would have thought. Of course, an interesting point is whether Veronica told Wallace that she lied to him about Logan. I kind of think she didn't, but not showing whether she did holds that in reserve as a potential source of further conflict. Veronica apologizes to Wallace for telling him all this, but he says he doesn't care about himself -- he just wishes he could do or say something to make it better. And it's in this moment I realize that Wallace has quietly gone from being simply the best friend to being the moral center of the show. Veronica is the heroine, but Wallace is the only character who can always be counted on to do right. Of course, if the writers read this, they'll probably have him sniffing coke off a hooker's ass season, but I'm betting he's pristine through September. Veronica takes out her laptop and shows him the Lilly murder investigation files. Wallace smiles, perhaps because he's not in them.
Sometime later, Veronica emerges from the bedroom on her way out. She notices Alicia in the kitchen, and bravely apologizes again, hoping that Alicia won't hold Keith responsible for her "boneheadedness." She tells Alicia that she and Keith are really good together, and that Alicia makes Keith so happy. Alicia worries that she may have fubared things with Keith, but Veronica assures her that it's not the case. There's an "ironic" transition that I won't be recapping...
...and then we're in Vegas, baby! In a hotel room, Keith calls "Cheyenne." We see a picture of the woman in question, and if the magazine she's in is any indication, Wyoming isn't going to rush to claim her. Keith says he'd like to set up an appointment. Cheyenne, watch yourself. Erica Gimpel's gonna live forever, but if you touch her man, they won't find anything but your implants.
Chez Mars. Veronica desperately apologizes to Logan for accusing him. He tells her it's all right, and asks if she found anything out. She confesses that she was drugged, and starts to say she wasn't raped: "I was with Duncan." Logan looks away, trying to will away the Friday The 13th soundtrack that just started playing in his head. Actually, what he's thinking about will be revealed later, which is a nice touch. Veronica supposes that "our feelings and nature..." were the cause. Well, your feelings I can buy, but nature had nothing to do with it in SO many senses. Logan says he's sorry, and Veronica tells him she's glad he's there. A lot of people thought it was off that she would apologize to Logan like this. I don't think she owed him an apology, but I can understand why she did it. First off, Logan's been not only the best thing in her life lately but also the thing she's put first, as the lying to Wallace demonstrates. So assuming you buy them together at all, it makes sense that she'd desperately want him around, especially considering she's more of a train wreck than ever before. Second, I think the apology was softening Logan up for the revelation that Veronica was with Duncan. Again, she didn't need to do that, but I can see where she'd want to. As for her tacit assertion that she wasn't raped? Again, later.
Keith opens his hotel room door and beckons Cheyenne, a busty blonde, inside. She tells him to tell her exactly what he wants: "That one thing you can never get the little woman to do." I can only imagine the last person who referred to Alicia as the "little woman" had his tongue julienned and served to him. Keith pulls Cheyenne onto the bed and says he'd like to talk about Abel Koontz. From the look on her face, I don't even want to know what the "one thing" Koontz liked to have her do was. Keith calls her "Miss Collins," introduces himself, and says he's been looking for her for a year. He tells her he knows she was with Koontz at the supposed time of Lilly's murder, and that there's a phone record to prove it. This is a little confusing -- were they having phone sex, or did he call her and have her join him? Cheyenne points out that Koontz confessed, "for whatever reason," and that if she comes forward, she'll be "the most famous working girl on the planet. I have a five-year-old son who thinks I'm a stewardess." Well, I hope he doesn't see the video for Britney Spears's "Toxic," because I think that would put ideas in his head. Keith says that a girl was murdered: "Don't you think the person who killed her should be the one in jail?" Geez, you make it sound so reasonable, Keith. Also, if she's the entertainment lawyer, that's another lie Keith has been telling Veronica for quite some time. Although at least the first part of the job title applies.
Logan and Veronica approach the Echolls door as Logan notes that Haaron is going to make them eat by candlelight. So I guess Haaron invited Logan to bring Veronica over for dinner. Logan and Veronica start making out, and sort of fall in the door together. The lights go on, and Haaron yells, "Surprise!" As all the 09ers are standing agape, I'd have to channel Oz from Buffy and say, "That pretty much sums it up." The Beav gives an awesome stage-whispered "Wow." Hee. He's too good to be a Casablancas. Also, Haaron looks so pleased with himself. Hee, again. It's fitting for the character that his attempts to be good end even worse than his attempts to be bad. Veronica sees Duncan, who looks deflated. Okay, last commercial break! How's the stomach lining holding up?
Everyone stands around in varying degrees of shock and amusement, and then Haaron steps up proudly to greet Logan. Logan asks him if the party is nine months early or three months late. That would actually make his birthday in February, but if they're calculating from when the episode was filmed, it would be November or December, which would make more sense. Haaron, oblivious, says he's just making up for a lot of lost years. Logan: "It's a good call." Hee. Logan faces everyone and holds out his hand for Veronica, who takes it about as enthusiastically as she can manage under the circumstances. In other words, like Logan's hand is something you'd find in a tank on Fear Factor. Speaking of reality shows, Dick comes over to Logan and asks if this a new one called My Skank or something. Well, Madison is there. Logan tells Dick to go, and then announces that anyone there who has a problem with Veronica is free not to enjoy his dad's hospitality: "Actually, if you have a problem with Veronica, you're pretty much dead to me, so just, like, evaporate or something." I appreciate the sentiment, but the resultant smell would probably break this party up a lot faster than you can say "Casablancas." Also, Logan's statement doesn't exactly clear the room, which I think is as much a reflection of his rung on the 09er ladder as anything.
Logan finishes up by calling Veronica his girlfriend, and Kristen Bell pulls off simultaneous joy at hearing the word and nausea at seeing Duncan's face after the revelation. She's about to enjoy the happiest spew of her life. Meg asks Duncan if he's okay, but Duncan heavily and wordlessly walks out the door despite Logan's attempt to talk to him. Come on, you can't really give a guy a hard time about dating your sister if you've, you know, done that with her. Momentarily looking to get away from Meg's gaze as much as anything, I think, Veronica goes over to the drinks table, where she runs into Madison. Madison makes small talk about whether Haaron's going to make another movie, and sunnily offers Veronica a drink. Veronica looks suspicious, but accepts. I think Veronica views Madison as so shallow that she'll accept her back in the 09er club just by virtue of the fact that she's with Logan. Oh, Veronica. No matter how thrown you are by this whole scene, you should remember the truth that bitch waters run deep. Veronica turns and goes over to Meg, who warns her not to drink the punch, since she's betting Madison gave her "a trip to the dentist." Meg, with the episode title! She explains that Madison spits in a cocktail (I think she means that loosely; Haaron's not serving alcohol to minors, not buying) and gives it to someone she doesn't like, calling it a trip to the dentist, "'cause we're in eighth grade." Veronica sure wishes she still was after that revelation, as she looks horrified...
...and she grabs Madison, asking if she gave her a trip to the dentist the night of Shelley's party. Madison flashes back to Dick giving her what, unbeknownst to her, is a GHB-laced drink. What she does know, however, is that it contains regular soda, and she asks Dick, "Why didn't you just fill the cup with lard?" Well, because that would be kind of gross. Also gross is Madison seeing Veronica approaching, spitting in her drink, and handing it to her while keeping her back turned. In the present, Veronica's voice shakes a little as she tells Madison she has no idea what she did to Veronica. Madison: "Oh my God, I spit in your drink. You are like, so scarred for life." She walks away. What do I think of this revelation? Soon, I promise.
Outside, Duncan paces angrily. He angrily tries the door on his car, but it's locked. He angrily looks for the key, but he doesn't have it on him. He angrily punches, kicks, and takes a shovel to the door. In case you hadn't noticed, he's a little angry. Meg comes out just in time to see her boyfriend turning green and busting out of his shirt. Well, he was already green in another sense, but you probably figured that part out. Meg tries to get him to stop, and yells, "This is about Veronica, isn't it? You're still in love with her, right?" Well, I still think it's about gamma rays, but that's a decent bet too. Or, given Haaron's temperament, it could just be something in the Echollses' water supply. Oh, and also, Duncan? It's time for some therapy. Or an appearance on Jerry Springer. He'll love you. Oh, and poor Meg. I hope this doesn't mean the end of her.
Back inside, Haaron thanks a couple of kids for coming as Veronica looks like stabbing herself with a hatpin would be a lot more fun than this. Logan retrieves her, and they slip out to the pool house. Well, Veronica slips. Logan actually skips, and wherever Paul Lynde is right now, he's watching this appraisingly as he drinks his third martini of the early afternoon. Agnes Moorehead, meanwhile, is sipping her own cocktail and rolling her eyes at him, as she just wants to bitch about the Bewitched remake's imminent release. She does admire Logan's rapier wit, though.
Where was I? Inside, Logan asks why there have to be other people in this world, which is far from a throwaway comment in my opinion. Remember his "What is so great about living" comment? Veronica is what's great for him, now, and I can only imagine where that's going to take us. My guess is the city of "Nowhere" in the state of "Good." Logan pulls Veronica onto the couch while teasing her about being too short. They kiss for a bit, but then Logan says he has to tell Veronica something. Veronica opines that they're past the confessional portion of the evening. I'd like to believe her, but I've seen this show before, and there's usually an awful lot of plot left at Minute 54. Logan flashes back to putting a lime in Veronica's mouth and whooping it up as another guy does body shots off her. Veronica says she knows about the "salt lick," and that she's choosing to think of it as "one of those not-real things." Some people found her casual acceptance of this dodgy, but it had to have occurred to her before that Logan could have been involved in that scene. Also, people thought that this flashback conflicted with The Beav's statement that Logan left the party early with a girl, but it seems like Veronica took the GHB and passed out very soon after she got to the party, so I think this could all be happening relatively early still. Especially since I think most of these 09ers would consider leaving while there's any alcohol within a thousand feet of the premises as "early." Anyway, back in flashback, we see Duncan run up and yell at the guys for taking advantage of Veronica. Duncan stands Veronica up as Logan puts some GHB into a drink. He apologizes to Duncan and hands him the spiked liquid, and Duncan drinks it.
Back in the present, Logan says he just wanted Duncan to have some fun. Which is obviously creepy, presumptuous, and wrong, and yet I think is sincere. Veronica says he didn't know what would happen, but Logan claims responsibility for the business with Veronica and Duncan: "I can't take that I hurt you when all I want to do is protect you." They kiss, and he adds, "I want you to trust me." Veronica says she does. I don't know. I think Logan is being sincere, and yet, for someone who's displayed considerable emotion through the season, his relative lack of affect here is a little troubling. Of course, he probably rehearsed this speech -- when you're telling your girlfriend you're part of a chain that led her to unconsciously have sex with her brother, you want to make sure you've got the wording right. As far as Veronica trusting Logan, I think, at least temporarily, that this is one of those "honesty is its own reward" situations. He didn't have to come clean to her, but he did, so she judges him more generously than she would have if she'd come by the information another way. Not sure Veronica would feel this way in the harsh light of day, but in the dim glow of the pool, it makes sense to her. Also, she's apparently relieved that the cumulative party revelations weren't worse than they were. More on that...say it with me...later.
Logan -- seemingly happy at how well that went -- says he could use a "refreshment," and Veronica beams. Logan goes to a vent on the wall and takes the grate off to reveal a key inside. Recognizing the trick, Veronica says he must have learned that from Lilly, but Logan corrects her to say that she learned it from him. Knowing our Lilly, I think she just let you believe what you wanted to believe, kid. It sure wouldn't be the first time. Anyway, what Logan probably didn't learn from Lilly is breaking the key off in the lock, which sends him off to find another one. Veronica reclines happily, until she notices that there's an extraneous wire running up to the light fixture on the ceiling. Curious, she follows the wire to the bookshelves, two of which she slides open to discover electronic equipment and video monitors. She flips a switch, and two angles of the bed pop up. Veronica gets onto the bed and sees that she's on candid camera. I'm glad she found the monitor -- it saved me from telling her "You should really see the look on your face." Of course, as noted numerous times in the forums, the recording equipment isn't necessarily Logan's. In fact, it occurs to me that if it were, he might have been able to set up the cameras to record the poker game and catch Sean's little sleight of hand. He's paranoid enough to have done that, and I mean that as a compliment.
But nevertheless, we cut to Veronica running over to hop on Weevil's bike. Some number of minutes must have passed here, and I wonder what Logan thought and did when he discovered that Veronica had gone. I certainly think he did whatever was necessary to get that broken key out of the lock. Weevil hands her a helmet (aw), and she hops on and they ride away.
Veronica arrives home. She doesn't look that upset, but we don't know how much time has passed. She opens the door with a "Honey, I'm home..." to find her parents. Both of them. Lianne responds: "So am I, honey. So am I." Wow, cool, let's have a toast! Oh, er, whoops. Bottled water, anyone?
Okay, later is finally now, so here we go. Some people feel this episode was a disappointment. After so much buildup about the rape, it turns out the entire thing was happenstance. To me, this episode is an exquisitely cruel look at the nature and absurdity of life. Yes, we've been under the impression that Veronica was raped all season, but she also never knew what happened. She quite reasonably assumed that someone knowingly took advantage of her. She also chose not to tell anyone about it after Officer Fuckface, and given the way he treated her, that's perfectly understandable as well. She didn't seek counseling -- in fact, we might never have seen her consciously deal with the rape at all, if not for last week's revelation. But she always had it in her mind that a crime had been committed, and that the guilty party should pay -- her "an eye for an eye" philosophy from which she wouldn't be dissuaded, despite sometimes being cautioned that it might not be the healthiest approach. But if Logan hadn't spiked Duncan's drink, this wouldn't have happened. If Dick hadn't spiked Madison's drink, this wouldn't have happened. If Madison hadn't handed the drink to Veronica, if the drink had been diet, if the hospitals hadn't switched Mac and Madison at birth -- none of this would have happened. And for Veronica, a very cruel, and yet possibly necessary, lesson she can take from this is: there's little she could have done. It's one of the hardest things for people to accept. And it wouldn't have near the impact without the season-long wait.
Someone on the boards posited that Veronica was raped by the 09er culture, which is certainly an interesting way of looking at it. The rampant drugs and alcohol, the lack of parental supervision, the social exclusivity -- those things contributed to victimizing her. Also, her biggest fear was that not only had she been taken advantage of, but that everyone knew it and was talking about it. But in the end, my feeling is that people didn't really care. Sure, people saw her and made fun of her, but mostly, people ignored her. The whole experience was never as big an issue to the 09ers as she built it up to be in her mind, and she could probably have gotten to the truth a lot more quickly if she had opened up about it and not made it a one-woman crusade in her own mind. Both she and Duncan might have had a lot easier year and a half if the truth had come out sooner. That's not to say that I disagree with her approach at all -- I can't imagine her situation, and I don't know what I would do if I were in it. I don't fault her for any step she took along the way. But I find this resolution to be amazingly dark, at least in a general sense, and frankly, it does a lot more for me than seeing some teenaged boy like The Beav or Sean we barely know or care about get hauled off to jail.
The one thing that's softening it in Veronica's mind is that, it seems to me, she thinks the sex was motivated by real feelings she and Duncan had for each other. She said as much, and implied that she doesn't think it was rape. I still certainly think a legal case could be made against Duncan, or against certain other people at the party, if she wanted to go that route. But this seems to be the best scenario she could have hoped for, and I can understand her not wanting to pursue it. I don't think this is meant as a sweeping statement about rape and rape victims, although I can understand the opposing viewpoint. (In other words, don't email me.) And sure, it's incredibly squicky that Duncan appears to be her brother, but she's dealt with that before. I mean, it's true they never had intercourse while they were dating, but I'd imagine they got pretty close, so I think this resolution is relatively more benign for her than finding out, say, that Dick Casablancas was inside her. (Shudder.) But I don't think Veronica's psychologically done with the party at all. Nor, for that matter, is Duncan. It will just be interesting to see how it affects them down the road.
One other thing: I think that since the resolution of the rape storyline was so grey, the murder resolution with be far less complex. That's not to say it won't be twisty as hell, though. Speaking of which...
...week: Veronica solves Lilly's murder. She wields a gun, people. Wow.