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It seems my summarizing abilities are stored in the same section of my brain that gets disabled when I'm flailing about. Are you flailing? I am so flailing. Here, feel my flail.
From the opening cross-cuts between Stefan and Elena's tender love scene and Katherine and Mason's sizzling heat, it's obvious we're in for a treat, but that treat is so not warm chocolate pudding. If you're looking for solace, look elsewhere, because The Vampire Diaries "Plan B" is not only the same as its plan A, it's also the same as Damon's bad, wrong, very bad and wrong impulse: plunge hot pokers into the chest; rip out the heart; throw it across the room. Yeah, my beautiful Evil Pixie Monster huffs and puffs and blows my beautiful Brick House down, and I would be furious, were it not so glorious.
But the fun only begins there. What's that, girl? Stefan's stuck down a well -- a well full of vervain stew? And Elena saves him? Again? Awesome. Then there's Miss Caroline, who not only reconnects to Bonnie, but tends to Liz. Care Bear wins over Mama Bear to the point where Liz promises (and seems sincere) not to out Caroline to the Council, but baby is a smart girl. She knows she has to compel away her mom's memory (and their newfound accord) in order to protect her friends from Liz and Liz from her friends.
The episode seems to be at a full boil, when Katherine calls Elena and lets her know that she and Stefan and their break-up charade haven't fooled her one bit. AND THEN AUNT JENNA PLUNGES A KNIFE INTO HER OWN GUT! Apparently she's been under Kat's compulsion for a bit, and has been a willing, compliant spy. Nothing else big can happen, now. The rest will all be denouement, yeah?
NO! After Jeremy and Elena learn their beloved auntie/crap guardian will live, the drama really amps up. Elena heads to mossy manse to find a tearful, shaken and recovering Stefan futilely trying to warm himself by the fire. He knows what's coming -- why she's there, but Elena needs to say it anyhow. She loves him with all her heart and knows he loves her, but they have to break up. They have to let Katherine win, because she has won -- already. A standing O for Paul Wesley here, because not a lot of guys, no matter how proficient, could have pulled off this level of searing pain with such vulnerability. Can we rest now, Buffy? No, we cannot. As Elena flees Mossy Manse, she's stopped by Damon -- who I'm totally not speaking to at the moment on account of him killing the pretty. But then he drops the Evil Pixie Monster act (and possibly the eye thing,) admits to riling up Katherine and not only accepts the blame for his actions, but actively courts it -- cracking the shell I so hastily erected around my admittedly fickle heart. It's different. He has a soul now. So now we're done, right? Oh no siree, Bob.
Katherine, that evil bitch mistress from hell, doesn't only have a plan A and B. She's got a whole alphabet full, and she's skipping right to Trouble with a capital T, that rhymes with P, and that stands for Pudding Pop. That's right, she's compelling our darling Donovan in the worst of ways, because she needs a werewolf, see, so Matt has his marching orders: go at Tyler Lockwood and at him, and at him, and at him -- until Tyler kills him.
"Plan B" is A+ work from the whole cast and crew. If you haven't seen it yet, drop whatever you're doing and rectify the situation. I'll be back with the full weecap, ASAP, but until then, please join us on the boards where we're sharpening our stakes and etching them with a giant K, which stands for Kill Katherine and ought to rhyme with Get your thrall off my Pudding Pop, you bitch, but admittedly does not.
See why we love the show, then join our vloggers in debating whether Diaries beats True Blood, below.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!I'm still flailing over this episode, which makes me cringe, because it might be my most favorite episode ever, but my brain has checked out. I'm counting on the fact/possibility that you're still flailing, too. You ready? Okay.
The cold open consists of cross-cuts between Stefan and Elena's tender love scene and Katherine and Mason's sizzling heat. While Elena frets that Katherine could discover they're still undercover lovers, Katherine frets that Miss Flowers (her B&B hostess and book tie-in) will think she's a floozy, which she totally is, and I fret that if Stefan and Elena are starting out this snuggly-wuggly, things will likely change by the end of the episode. There have now been so many events in Mystic Falls that even the writers struggle to come up with a new one, so Elena tells Stefan she's got to motor, because she's decorating in preparation for "the Lockwood charity thing." Of course Stefan is, too, because if this isn't event week, it's event prep week, and as soon as you're within the town's borders, you must agree to participate or die. Their talk soon turns to serious as Elena reminds Stefan that Mason Lockwood tried to kill him, which I'm pretty sure he remembers, E. Meanwhile, in Katherine's bed, Mason admits that while he lurves Katherine, he doesn't trust her, so he's hidden the moonstone in a safe space. Back in Elena's room, Stefan notes that he doesn't trust Mason, but there's so much pretty between these four three actors, it's really hard to concentrate. The overriding point is that Elena and Stefan will keep faking that they're broken up, and Katherine will continue to be a dangerous, if sexy vampire with impeccable taste, which is demonstrated when she sinks her fangs into Mason's neck -- not in a lethal way, just in a bad girl way. Everyone loves each other. Everyone smooches. Everyone envies Nina Dobrev. Title Card.
The Germ arrives at Mossy Manse and tells Damon that Mason is looking for a moonstone, which is connected to the werewolf curse. No, Elena doesn't want him involved; yes, Damon is snarky and resistant, and yes, he lets the Germ in, even though he ought to know better.
Lockwood Mansion: Jenna chats up Mama Mulva about the upcoming Masquerade Ball. We fans fall on our knees in thanksgiving that the writers have come up with yet another event. Meanwhile, Mulva moves off to scold Ty and Matt that they're being too rough with her furniture, and Jenna moves off to invite Stefan to join her, Alaric and the family for dinner. Stefan begs off by claiming that he and Elena are currently on "pause." Jenna smirks at him, and notes that she's a light sleeper, and heard no such pause this morning -- thereby cementing her title as the world's most crap guardian through the 2010-2011 TV season. Stefan blushes, and I'm not sure vampires ought to be able to do that, but I can't blame him.
Elena finds Bonnie out on the Lockwood lawn, but the tension between them is still carving-knife thick. When Elena tries to convince Bonnie to stay in touch with Caroline, Bonnie bites back at her, and lays on the guilt about how she's lost not only Care Bear, but Elena, too. Elena pulls her away, so they can have a private chat.
Mossy Manse; Detox Dungeon: Caroline tells Liz that the vervain is almost out of her system and she should be compelled and returned to her normal life as soon as tonight. When Liz is predictably cold to her undead daughter, Caroline bitches about how she died and all. This catches Liz's attention and love. "Are you -- are you really dead?" Caroline: "Yes and no." Liz: "How is it possible?" Caroline: What are you, Oprah? Fine, I'll explain, but I'm not jumping on your couch.
Upstairs: Damon welcomes Alaric. They're still trying to make "Ric" happen. I'm still ignoring them. You're on my side, right? Alaric has brought over Isobel's research. He's surprised to see Jeremy in Damon's parlor, but doesn't let that delay him from getting down to business. He reminds Damon of the Aztec curse on vampires and werewolves, and says that a moonstone is used to seal the werewolf part of the curse. Damon's not anxious to buy into a bunch of woo, but on the other hand, he's a vampire who is vulnerable to the lycanthrope's bite, so he can't ignore it. Plus? Damon's always up for a haphazardly planned caper.
Lockwood Lawn: Bonnie feels left out of Elena's life. Elena tries to reassure here that she's as important as her fangy friends, but when Elena brings up Caroline, Bonnie turns to stone.
Across the lawn, Stefan and Mason greet one another but keep the fangs and tail on the down-low. When Mason asks after Liz, Stefan assures him she's fine, but that from now on, he'll have to do his own dirty work. Mason says that's not a problem and turns to go, bumping into Bonnie and giving her a powerful vibe. Once Brick House is gone, Bonnie confesses to Stefan the subject of her vision. It was Elena -- macking on Mason. Stefan starts to object and then realizes the truth: Bonnie didn't see Mason and Elena; she saw Mason and Katherine. Commercial.
Damon finds Elena sorting masks. He's looking for Stefan and he's also hoping Elena will tell the Germ to stop following him around. As Damon ambles off, Jeremy wanders up. She warns him off of the Evil Pixie Monster, but this week, Jeremy thinks he's John Locke, so he's all don't tell me what I can't do. Thank goodness his hair looks good.
Outside, Stefan catches Damon up on the Katherine/Brick House situation. Damon is offended. The dude's a surfer, dude. Damon shares the moonstone intel and tries to figure out what's going on. The boys argue about Jeremy being involved and Stefan stalks off.
Across the lawn, Matt catches Ty up on his break-up with Caroline. In short, she's awesome one moment and a jealous freak, the . Tyler says, "You know what I think of Caroline Forbes. She's an insecure, neurotic, bitchy little twit." Matt, to his credit, says, "Hey!" but Tyler continues. "But the girl's got heart. She means well. You've just gotta take the good with the bad, sometimes." You mean like how your uncle is in bed with the Queen of the Damned, but I love him anyhow? Huh. Good point, Ty. Matt agrees so much that he's inspired to get an extension cord. Hey, don't look at me. That leaves Tyler alone, so Jeremy approaches, hoping to get the moonstone off of him. Damon and Stefan overhear when Tyler explains that he's done with legends and curses and has handed the moonstone over to Uncle Brick House.
There's a whole lot of texting between Elena and Stefan, mostly initiated by Elena when she doesn't know what's going on. If I cover it, I'm going to put us all asleep, so assume that every 15 seconds, she's texting Stefan, all WTF? Are you OK? WTF? Stefan and Damon pull Bonnie aside. They need her help to figure out what's going on with Katherine, and to get the moonstone from Uncle Brick House. She is not at all interested, which leads me to believe she's never gotten a good, long, hard look at Uncle Brick House, but perhaps I'm being transfer-y. When Elena gets no answer from Stefan, she forsakes texting and calls him. Stefan warns Damon to be nice to Bonnie as he walks off to take the call and catch Elena up on what's going on. Damon is anything but nice as he demands Bonnie's help. She explains that when she gives Damon the mystical migraine, it's really her giving him an aneurism, but because he's a supernatural critter he heals almost immediately, so she gives it to him again, and again and again. I knew I liked this girl for a reason. Damon wonders if it would work on other critters. Bonnie says sure, provided they're supernatural critters. When Damon starts coming down on Bonnie too hard, Stefan returns and smoothes out the lumps we like to call Damon. The bottom line is, Bonnie, they need your help, because your alleged best friend's doppelganger is about to open a can of whoop-ass unlike anything Mystic Falls has seen since the Civil War. You dig?
Lockwood Driveway: Bonnie deftly plays the I'm a frail female card as she unloads a table from a truck. Mason, who is on his way out, sees her and helps out. Hey just because he's sleeping with Death Herself doesn't mean he's not a Southern gentleman at heart. As a sign of gratitude, Bonnie inflicts our sturdy Brick House with a mystical migraine. Once he's debilitated, Stefan and Damon swoop in, knock him out, put him in the back of his truck, and Damon and Bonnie drive off with their incapacitated patient. Commercial.
Mossy Manse; Detox Dungeon: Caroline and Liz continue their heart-to-heart about Care Bear's vampirism and her struggle not to kill in order to feed. Caroline can't help but brag that she's better than old "blood-o-holic" Stefan about controlling her urges. Soon thereafter, Caroline hears Damon return home.
Upstairs: Bonnie helps Damon lay out a canvas so that Damon's afternoon amusements don't stain the carpet. While Damon finds Mason's monthly restraints, he gives Bonnie her mind-reading orders. She reads Mason's mind -- with his shirt on. What kind of half-assed witch is she? Everyone knows... oh, don't make me keep up the pretense. You know you want his shirt off, too. Anyhow, Bonnie determines that Brick House has hidden the moonstone somewhere small, dark and wet. NO! Not there. In a well, you pervs. As soon as she's given Damon what he wants, Bonnie takes off, but he stops her for a moment. "Hey, Judge-y. Thank you." Heh. That was almost a moment. We're going to see these two together at some point, aren't we?
Once Bonnie is gone, Damon smacks Mason awake. Out in the foyer, Bonnie runs into Caroline. She asks about Liz, but is still obviously uncomfortable. Caroline gives her every chance, and finally Bonnie tells her that she knows the moonstone is in the old well they used to play near at the outskirts of the old Lockwood estate ruins, when they were kids. She then texts the information to Stefan and tells Caroline that she's leaving. Caroline is patient but vulnerable here, and ultimately, Bonnie cannot keep up her wall. She asks her old friend if she'll accompany her on her moonstone quest.
Lockwood Mansion: Matt tries to feel Elena out for information about Caroline and whether she's seeing anyone. Stefan joins them at the sorting table, but doesn't speak to either of them. When Tyler comes in looking for Mason, Stefan tells him he took off for a while. Stefan then receives Bonnie's text about the well and speeds out the door. Matt notices the tension, but says he won't ask about it. Elena, being the world's worst faker, promptly follows Stefan outside.
She catches up to Stefan at the well. It drives Elena nutty not to know what's going on, and she's veering dangerously close to human-Caroline-levels of neediness here, although it's not that she's insecure about Stefan's love. She just has to know everything. Immediately. Stefan catches her up on the moonstone sitch, and then rips off the lock and cover that's sealing the well. After a quick look down the well with aid of a flashlight, Stefan plops down into it and immediately starts to smolder. The well is full of vervain stew. Stefan grunts, growls, cries and finally ekes out, "Vervain. Help. Help!" Commercial
Elena tries to lift the chain from the ground, but it's magically rusted in a way that makes it extra heavy, like magical rust does. Fortunately for her, Caroline hears her cries and Stealth-Salvatores right up to the well, and to Stefan's rescue.
Mossy Manse: I have to tell you about this part really quickly and clinically, because I don't want to spend the five years hating my Evil Pixie Monster when what he so clearly needs is love. Jeremy gives Damon some wolfsbane (which is to werewolves what vervain is to vampires), so he shoves it in Brick House's luscious lips, which makes him vomit or gag or otherwise leak and spew yucky stuff from his lips. Maybe it's purging the Katherine cooties from him? Yeah, let's think that. And I'm going to skip ahead to a later scene because this all makes me very tense. When the wolfsbane doesn't get Damon much useful intel on Katherine's nefarious scheme, he heats up a poker in the fire and tortures Mason, and yet he doesn't remove the shirt -- his or Mason's -- I'm not fussy. He just asks what Katherine is up to. Katherine, Katherine, Katherine. Bah. What about me, Damon? What about my needs? Perhaps if you'd give him a mud bath, you'd get what you want. I know I would. Damon laughs at me or possibly at Mason's story: Katherine and he are in love, and she wants the moonstone to free him from his curse. He laughs bitterly, because he was Mason for so very long. Eventually, he realizes he has to kill him. Mason seems almost relieved by this. He asks Jeremy to look out for Tyler, and you can see Jeremy wibble. I go deep into denial and tell myself Damon will have a change of heart or Germ will talk Damon out of what's to come. Damon can't reach me directly, so he settles on throttling Jeremy, because it's not The Vampire Diaries without a good throttling, and tells him if he wants to play with the big boys, he's got to learn it's kill or be killed (and hey, that was last week's title), so he'd better suck it up or leave. No comment. Mason's time on our show ends with him writhing in pain, still fully clothed, mouth dripping with exorcised Katherine cooties and DAMON RIPPING THE HEART OUT OF MASON'S CHEST AND TOSSING IT ACROSS THE ROOM. Damon, I am going to hate you with all my might, for many, many minutes to come.
Meanwhile, Elena and Caroline have gotten Stefan out of the well -- well, what's left of him. The vervain has eaten away at his skin to an alarming degree. Bonnie's up top with Caroline and I think she does most of the Stefan handling, which is good, since Stefan's been steeping in vervain. Down below, Elena refuses to exit the well until she finds the moonstone. She is fierce -- at least until snakes start crawling on her. How she sticks it out, I do not know. I'd rather have the hot-poker treatment from Damon. Yeah, no, even the non-euphemistic kind. When Caroline pulls her brave mortal friend back up to ground level, Elena rushes to Stefan, opens a vein with a ROCK, and feeds him. People are sweating the fact that she, too, is drenched in vervain, but I figure whatever residue is on her skin can only match the residue on his. He was face down in the stuff, and besides, shut up.
Alaric and Jenna are cooking, flirting, drinking and smooching, when Elena arrives home and mouths to Alaric that they got the moonstone, before she sneaks upstairs.
Back in the Salvatore Dungeon, Caroline tells Liz about her big day and is touched when Liz comments on how strong and confident she's become. Liz promises to keep Caroline's secret without having her memories taken away. "I'll never do anything to hurt you." Caroline knows she can trust her mom, but she also knows her mom is never going to trust the Salvatores, so she compels her (but handily fails to mention said Salvatores in the doing) in a tear-jerking speech that has to be seen for full effect. Now Caroline has been a really quick learner when it comes to her vampyrism, so it's hard to know how to take this scene. Either she's accidentally left out some important bits in her mother's compulsion, which will bite her in the ass later, or the scene grew so touching that the writers didn't want to muck it up with specific instructions. I'm leaning toward the latter, for now, and assuming that later, off-screen, Caroline dotted the compulsion Is and crossed the Ts. If I'm wrong, then I'll get a lovely surprise.
When Stefan arrives home with his skin back on and the moonstone, he finds Damon wrapping Mason up in tarp, and snarks, "I see you exercised your usual restraint." Damon just shrugs, which kind of kills me until I remember I have to hate him for at least another eight minutes, so harumph. He then grabs Mason's cell phone and texts a goodbye note to Carol Lockwood. Stefan wants to get rid of the body, but Damon wants to nose through Mason's phone. Overcome by Evil Pixie Monster curiousity, he hits the last number dialed button and turns his eye thing on Stefan as he says, "I wonder who that could possibly be." Of course it's Katherine Kaka Face. Stefan tries to get the phone away from Damon and warns him not to taunt Happy Fun Psychopathic Ex, but to no avail. When KaKa assumes Mason is calling her, Damon teases, "Wrong boy toy." Damon wastes no time letting her know he huffed and puffed and blew Brick House down (and threw his heart across the parlor). Katherine and I have little in common, except a deep and abiding hate for people who kill the pretty. She sneers what I've been thinking for the last several scenes. "You shouldn't have." Damon provokes her further by telling her Mason obviously didn't trust her since he hid the moonstone in a well full of vervain. Damon thinks he has the upper hand, but Katherine's quick to set him straight. She has not only a plan B, but plans for every letter of the alphabet, like Sue Grafton, but fangy-er. She then breaks out her own hot poker as she closes their conversation with a chipper, "Send my love to Stefan." After Damon hangs up, he and Stefan share A Look.
Back at Gilbert Gables, Elena joins Alaric and Jenna in the kitchen. Jenna's on the phone, saying, "Of course, I understand." She then tells Elena the call is for her, but doesn't answer when Elena wants to know who it is. Oh no. I saw the previews for this episode. I know what call this is, and now I know the implications -- Jenna's enthralled. While Katherine chides Elena about sneaking around with Stefan, Jenna fades into the background, but we get a warning shot of her slicing bread with a ginormous knife. Katherine reveals that she stole Jenna's vervain perfume and got her off the vervain tea, and so far she's been as awesome at spying as she is crappy at guarding her charges. As Katherine crows, "So, when I suggested the world would be a much better place if she were to just..." Elena drops the phone and yells, "Jenna, no!" Jenna lifts the knife up in front of herself and aims it at her own gut. Alaric calls out to Jenna as he rushes toward her, but they're both too late, and not nearly as compelling as KaKa, because JENNA PLUNGES A KNIFE INTO HER OWN GUT! Even though Elena's no longer holding the phone, Katherine smiles as she listens to the hubbub at Gilbert Gables. "Well, you get the idea." As Elena and Alaric huddle over Jenna and I rock back and forth in shock, we cut to commercial.
Hospital Waiting Area: When the Gilbert kids learn their beloved auntie/crap guardian will live, Jeremy promises Elena that Katherine's going to pay. I know he thinks this is comforting, but I'm sure it frightens Elena even more on his behalf. I'm studiously not mentioning the chemistry between these two actors, because they play siblings.
Lockwood Mansion: Tyler arrives home to find the place all gussied up for week's event, and to hear the sad news from his mother: Mason has gone back to Florida. Tyler I know you were just bonding with him, hey, I was too, but buck up, kid. Thinking he's just flaked off to Florida is a lot better than knowing the truth.
Mossy Manse: Elena finds a tearful, shaken and recovering Stefan futilely trying to warm himself by the fire. He knows what's coming -- why she's there, but Elena needs to say it anyhow. She loves him with all her heart and knows he loves her, but they have to break up. They have to let Katherine win, because she has won -- already. She can't risk Jeremy or anyone else. As I said in the recaplet, I have to give a standing ovation to Paul Wesley here, because not a lot of guys, no matter how talented, could have pulled off this level of searing pain with such vulnerability. The whole cast (and hey, the whole cast was actually in this episode) did some sharp work this week, but if I forget that Nina Dobrev is playing two very different roles (and I often do, because she's just that good at it), I have to say Stefan, Mason, Caroline and Liz did an awful lot of heavy lifting, and made it look as effortless as breathing. As a sobbing Elena flees Mossy Manse, she's stopped by Damon -- who I'm totally not speaking to at the moment on account of him killing the pretty. But then he drops the Evil Pixie Monster act (and possibly the eye thing,) and tearfully admits to riling up Katherine. He not only accepts the blame for his actions, but actively courts it -- cracking the shell I so hastily erected around my admittedly fickle heart. It's different. He has a soul now. So now we're done, right? Oh, no siree, Bob.
Katherine, that evil bitch mistress from hell, is skipping through her alphabet of plans right to plan Trouble with a capital T, that rhymes with P, and that stands for Pudding Pop. That's right. Back at Miss Flowers' boarding house, she's compelling our darling Donovan in the worst of ways, because she needs a werewolf, see, so Matt has his marching orders: go at Tyler Lockwood and at him, and at him, and at him -- until Tyler kills him.
"Plan B" is A+ work from the whole cast and crew. If you haven't seen it yet, drop whatever you're doing and rectify the situation. I'll be back with the recaplet of "Masquerade" on Friday morning, but until then, please join us on the boards where we're sharpening our stakes and etching them with a giant K, which stands for Kill Katherine and ought to rhyme with Get your thrall off my Pudding Pop, you bitch, but admittedly does not.
See why we love the show, then join our vloggers in debating whether Diaries beats True Blood, below.
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Cindy McLennan is a stay-at-home mother and a freelance writer who covers The Vampire Diaries and No Ordinary Family for TWoP. If you have a question, comment, or spare day to help her with her laundry, e-mail her at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com, or follow her on Twitter.