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Erica has been suspended from duty after the Visitors' second-in-command was almost assassinated on her watch. She's okay with that, though, because she wants to spend some quality time with her newly reunited family. Anna has different plans, though, because for some reason the fate of the alien race depends on that doofy-faced carbuncle named Tyler.
Anna wants Eli Cohen's head on a silver dinner plate, and Ryan is only too happy to deliver. Unfortunately for him and his sick daughter, Eli Cohen does not go gently into that good night. Eli captures him and calls Erica, promising that Ryan is going to be dead and maybe made into a belt and some matching shoes, too. Anna has a tracker following Ryan, and the Visitors decide to call the FBI to incite some human-on-human violence while they sit back and eat popcorn and laugh. Once the FBI surrounds Eli Cohen's HQ, Erica comes up with a plan to pretend she is Cohen's hostage. The second the story hits the news, Joe (the ex) and Father Jack (the ??) head to the siege. The Visitors show up, too, with some super-helpful technology that allows the FBI to see into the building. I hope this ends as well as The Alamo!
With the help of a secret Visitor agent, Joe breaks in to the building to save Erica and do what a billion FBI agents couldn't. So romantic and it's not even Valentine's Day. Erica and Eli (and the rest of us) have no idea what Joe is doing there and quickly realize that something is up. Anna must be helping the FBI and setting up Erica and Joe to die so Tyler will be in need of a mother figure and rush back to Anna. That's a logical conclusion, right?
The FBI is about to storm the building when Eli buys more time by activating a legion of suicide bombers and taking hostages. Then he and Erica exchange some meaningful dialogue about faith and causes and what you're willing to die for. Eli passes the mantel of Fifth Column CEO to Erica, because he is willing to sacrifice his life to save the human race. Then Erica and Joe exchange a kiss and some meaningful dialogue, too.
Father Jack got layicized and Father Travis evicted him from the rectory. He has to surrender his collar and be escorted out by HR. As he's going, he sees the news report about Erica and rushes to the scene. Father Jack wants Kyle to help, but Kyle is a bit busy being conscripted by the Visitors to cause a big 'splosion and kill every human inside the building. Seems the Visitors have someone Kyle loves and will only tell him her whereabouts once he blows the building up. It seems unlikely that they would live up to their end of the bargain, but Kyle buys it. Erica makes a deal with the FBI to free the hostages; the Fifth Column's second-in-command will blend in with the group. But as Erica leads the hostages to safety, Kyle blows up the building, and all heck breaks loose. The Fifth Column (maybe?) starts firing over the heads of the hostages, and the FBI starts firing back. The hostages that weren't killed by the falling debris from the building are caught in the crossfire. Joe is hit and dies in Erica's arms. Tyler rushes the scene to cry alongside his mother. The silver lining to Erica's loss is that the FBI closes their investigation of her. The opposite of the silver lining? Tyler doesn't get shot… and then he runs off to join the Visitors and avenge his father's death.
Also, Lisa finally meets her grandmother.
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Melissa Locker a.k.a. Lulu Bates is still reeling over the thought that this episode might actually have been good. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Welcome back to V. As you may recall, the show took a very unexpected turn last week and was almost (dare I say it aloud lest I jinx it?) good. There I said it. It was almost good last week. Yes, as usual the cast appeared to be played by ventriloquist dummies who can't move the tops of their heads and can only deliver their lines via wooden lips, and I still don't understand why Kyle didn't shoot Anna in the head when he had her in his sights or why Ryan Nichols is, but still the show actually delivered on its premise of an escalating war between humans and aliens. Well done, show. Now keep it up and maybe the network will up your order... hahhahhaahaa, no, it won't. But if you go out in a blaze of glory at least fans might remember you fondly and your cast might get work and avoid the Hollywood dole.
In the aftermath of the shooting, Marcus' status is unknown. Chad Decker and Lady Chad Decker are holding an on air debate as to who is responsible for the attempted assassination and what it means for human-alien relations. Lady Chad points out that there is little doubt that the anti-V group known as the Fifth Column are responsible. She's also pretty sure that if this keeps up the Visitor's High Commander Anna is going to lose her cool and that whole "of peace, always" thing will be blown away in a hail storm of blue energy and every human on earth will be walking around like they are trapped in that video game Berserk . What? I went to the nickel arcade last night. Chad dickishly suggests that they agree to hope for Marcus' well-being and totally makes Lady Chad look bad. He's so not getting laid tonight. Is it considered incest if you sleep with your female doppelganger?
Up on the ship, Anna stands over Marcus' comatose body and promises to hunt down and kill every last member of the Fifth Column as revenge for his injuries. So yeah that peace thing is pretty much out the window. But it always was some focus group created PR bullcrap anyway.
Over at the Fab Four's underground luxury lair, Erica, who looks very well rested for someone who was raked over the FBI coals for six hours, tells Father Jack and Kyle that she has been benched. After Marcus got shot on her watch, she is in big trouble with the FBI. While they haven't been able to link her directly to the shooting, they are suspicious. Erica suggests that they call Eli Cohen and alert him to the fact that he will need to keep his head down for a while. As opposed to before when he could roll up in his gold Cadillac and be big pimpin' his hatred of the Visitors and his plans to eradicate them from the universe with 'splosions and shit to a flock of adoring fans. Kyle sagely points out that they should all keep their heads down for a while. But before they do that, they should really find Ryan Nichols and find out why he betrayed them. Erica wants to look him in the eye as he tries to justify his decision and sends Kyle off to find him, while she goes home to spend some quality time with her reformed family. Father Jack just stands there with lust in his heart and a concerned look on his face.
So where is Ryan Nichols? Up on the Mothership attempting to appease his daughter and get her to stop crying. Anna comes in and takes the girl from him. She stops crying and Anna mumbles the same old same old about how the girl is fond of her now, but only her Bliss will soothe her and Ryan has to do whatever she says or else his baby will cry (but not because she is a baby). Ryan asks what the hell she wants because he is particularly dense today or something. Anna wants the same damn thing she always wants which is the head of Eli Cohen on a silver platter. She tells Ryan to email him up, set up a meeting in iCal, and then kill him. DONE. Does she really have to tell him how to do his job? He used to be her best tracker. It is SO hard to get good help these days. Ryan explains that Cohen will know he was the one to rat him out to Anna and prevent the assassination. He will never set up a meeting with him no matter how many Edible Arrangements he sends. Anna tells him to FIGURE IT OUT, hands him his daughter, and wanders off to go watch episodes of "Upstairs Downstairs" and take some Excedrin.
Father Jack is preparing for mass (he's wearing his prettiest dress for today's sermon) when Father Travis comes in with an official letter from the Vatican. It's the church's decree on Father Jack's anti-V activity and as he hands the letter over, Father Travis looks so very solemn you can tell he is covering a shit-eating grin. As Jack reads that he has been relieved of his duties Father Travis almost gets the church giggles as he tells Jack that HE WARNED HIM. His hatred of the Vs has cost him his job (and in this economy!) as well as his faith. Jack angrily retorts that it hasn't cost him his faith, but Travis just shrugs and asks him for his collar. Father Travis is pretty much a total dick and just proves that you don't have to be nice to be a priest. At least on TV. Jack begs his former colleague and friend to allow him to address his parish one last time, but Father "Dickhead" Travis coldly says no, because they aren't his parish any more. Looking stricken, but resigned, the man formerly known as Father Jack removes the white thingy from his collar and hands it over. Father Travis then coldly tells him that he has to move out of the rectory in a week. I wonder how hard it is to get a job as a former priest? And I am guessing those vows of poverty won't help you get a down payment on an apartment and are probably a real downer for your credit score. Father Travis tries not to get the church giggles as he leaves Father Jack alone in the rectory to think about what he's done. Now, show of hands: Who is Team Travis? That's what I thought.
Under the watchful eye of the Mothership, Ryan Nichols jumps over a wall, kills some random guy, and breaks into a building. He runs through the abandoned space until he pulls a gun and aims it at Eli Cohen's head. Eli has his gun out, too, and when he sees it is Ryan he calmly says, "Judas come to complete his betrayal." Proving that not only does he have ice water in his veins even when a gun is pointed at his face, but that he also knows the New Testament of the Bible and can quote it at will and in the most dire circumstances despite being Jewish. Bravo! Father Travis would be proud. The lights turn on overhead and Ryan finds himself surrounded. Eli orders him to be taken alive, but then kicks him a few times for good measure.
Over in Long Island or Queens or wherever it is that an FBI agent in New York City can afford a three bedroom detached house with a backyard and lots of light, Tyler, Joe, and Erica Evans all laugh heartily and play family. Erica makes a funny and you realize that you NEVER see her smile EVER. She flirts with Joe a little and then her phone rings and her smile fades. It's Eli and he has Ryan. Erica is confused -- how did Ryan end up there? Eli explains that Ryan tried to kill him and that either by his hand or by Erica's Ryan Nichols is going to die today. Then we get a close up of Ryan's bloodied face. It's not going on a Christmas card anytime soon.
A V tracker is tracking Anna's number one tracker, so when Ryan is taken hostage, Anna knows immediately. Her new No.2, Mr. Turtleneck, who hasn't realized that humans change their clothes occasionally, reports that Ryan is a prisoner of Eli Cohen's and they can launch an attack immediately. Anna thinks it will be better if they alert the authorities and allow them to take down the Fifth Column while the Vs just hang out in space looking pretty. Mr. Turtleneck goes to make an anonymous call to the FBI, even though there is no good reason not to just call the FBI and say they tracked the killers, but whatever! Who cares about logic!
In FBI HQ, Erica's boss and her partner Bolling are on the move. They just got word of a possible Eli Cohen sighting in an abandoned building on the Lower East Side. Um, that is SO not the Lower East Side. Bolling asks whether they should call Erica, but the Boss bounces it back to him since he is the one running the internal affairs investigation into her. Bolling doesn't think they should call her in case she's dirty. Great conversation, guys! Really moving the plot forward.
Speaking of Erica, she is interrogating the bloody pulp known as Ryan Nichols. She wants to know why he betrayed them and he explains that Anna made his daughter sick and would only help her if he did what she said. Erica (who has been doing it all for the glory of Tyler *gag*) is very unsympathetic to his plight. He then warns her that Anna put a tracker on his tail and if she doesn't leave the secret hideout right now then she will be dead very soon.
Proving the truth of this statement, a guy on Eli Cohen's team runs in announcing that there are multiple vehicles on the move outside the building. They are surrounded. We get an outside shot of approximately a bazillion FBI cars pulling up. The FBI agents spill out of the cars pointing their guns at the building, which seems odd. I mean, it's a building? What did it ever do to them? Also, there appears to be no regard for civilians as no one has ordered the streets cleared or anything and the entire FBI taskforce has their guns locked and loaded and aimed at defenseless buildings. While outside the FBI is surrounding the building and getting snipers in position and whatnot, inside Erica and Eli are assessing the situation. Erica quickly realizes that they are not up against the Visitors, but rather her team of FBI agents. She knows how they think and what they will do and thinks she can work this to their advantage. She also realizes that she didn't get a call and even though she is benched she thinks this is significant. She decides that the FBI (rightly) thinks she is colluding with the Fifth Column. Based on that, she comes up with a plan where she will pretend to be a hostage, thus clearing her name as a collaborator and giving Eli Cohen some leverage. Eli likes this plan because he gets to hit Erica in the face until it all seems believable.
Chad Decker is reporting live from the scene of the FBI siege. He reports that Eli Cohen, mastermind of all evil things in the whole world, is inside. This is terrible reporting, Chad. I mean, not even "alleged mastermind," but what happened to guilty until proven innocent, huh? And why is the FBI letting the media anywhere near this? Let alone the gathered civilian crowd? Suddenly there is movement on the second floor and a bloodied Erica with a gun to her head and a terrorist's arm around her neck emerges from a French door that opens onto a Juliet balcony, which must have been a real selling point of the building when Eli Cohen bought it. Erica (I almost called her Juliet) waves her phone around and the FBI is stunned, but happy because they know her phone number.
Up on the mothership, Anna is watching the proceedings and is as shocked to see Erica as the FBI is. Well... I'm projecting. Anna doesn't do "shocked." Mr. Turtleneck points out that the death of Erica Evans was not part of her plan, but Anna is okay with it. However, if they could arrange for Joe Evans to die, too, then perhaps Tyler would be all hers forever and ever. He is the future of the Visitors, after all. Mr. Turtleneck wanders off trying to figure out how to make Joe Evans magically appear inside that building. As he goes, Lisa comes in to see her mama. Anna tells her daughter to do everything in her power (meaningful glance at Lisa's fake vagina, followed by a knowing nod) to ensure that Tyler remains committed to the Visitors. Lisa nods looking slightly repulsed.
Speaking of the future of the Visitors, he is sitting on the couch to his dad cheering on some local sports team. He is so happy to have his dad back in his life to do manly things with him. Then the phone rings and Lisa tells Tyler to turn on the news. They flip the channel just in time to see Chad Decker announce that the hostage has been identified as the leader of the FBI's Visitor Taskforce, Agent Erica Evans. Tyler and Joe both stand up to stare harder at the television. Then Joe grabs his coat to head down to the scene. He tells Tyler to stay put and he will report back as soon as he can. Tyler doesn't argue, but just stands there slack jawed. So... the Visitors' great plan to get Joe inside the building was a phone call? Well played, Visitors. At the church, former Father Jack is clearing out of the rectory when he notices his computer screen lit up with the Erica's Facebook status: "I'm a hostage! Come down and watch from the sidelines!" with about a hundred "Likes." Jack runs out the door to join the festivities.
Inside the building, the FBI calls Erica's phone and Erica lists Eli's fake demands: Stand down and no air coverage or else she's dead. Bolling asks how she is and she hangs up on him. Eli applauds her performance. She thanks him, but has some bad news for him. In her vast experience with the FBI, she is pretty sure that Eli's only exit from the hostage taking is dead or in cuffs. Did she forget to mention that part when she told him to take her fake hostage? Eli glares at her for the oversight and comes up with his own plan B and starts frantically typing on his iPhone. Unclear whether it is a Facebook status update or a tweet or a Foursquare check-in (Eli Cohen has checked in to FBI SEIGE. Eli Cohen has unlocked the Super Swarm Badge on Foursquare.)
Joe Evans' arrival interrupts the FBI's siege planning. They dispatch some guy to soothe the unwieldy ex-husband. For some reason Joe is hanging out in a parked SUV and the FBI agent updates him by sitting in the driver's seat and explaining the situation: They found an unmarked access tunnel, but the FBI is too scared to go in and save Erica. The Fifth Column is scary, yo! Then the guy leaves his folder with the secret map and the path marked in red on the seat for Joe to find. Gosh it looks like Joe will have to go straight and then turn left to gain access to the building. Looks complicated. Will he find the nerve to go where the FBI won't? This is where the show always falls apart -- the little details where logic completely fails. I mean, I get that Joe wants to save his wife, but really? We're supposed to believe that he's just going to charge into a hostage situation unarmed when the FBI won't even do it? Really? Whatever, show.
Inside the building, Eli and Erica are showing each other their favorite family photos and reminiscing about
the good old days, when one of Eli's men drops a body on the floor. They found him snooping around the basement. Obviously it's Joe. And he's not dead, just bloodied. And REALLY stupid. Erica is not pleased. But also pleased. I mean, she is a girl after all and, gosh, that's a romantic gesture. Erica orders him uncuffed and then demands to know what the heck he is doing there. Joe sheepishly explains that he saw the hostage thing on TV and came to rescue her. Her friend Caldwell at the FBI left the blueprints in the car and he took it as a sign from god. Erica shakes her head sadly, because she's never heard of Caldwell and she is only a fake hostage. Erica quickly deduces that Caldwell was actually a V sleeper agent and that the Visitors are working behind the scenes in this situation. Erica stashes Joe out of the way somewhere while she and Eli try to parse out Anna's plans. But neither of them can figure out why Anna would want Joe inside the building with them. Come on guys, you're not dreaming big enough! Quick, someone tack a Successories poster on the wall so these two can think outside the box.
Tyler can't reach his father so he has no choice but to rush down to the scene and... er, stand around impatiently? Lisa tries to talk some sense in to him, but he's Tyler so that's pretty much pointless. She shrugs as he motorcycles off into the sunset. A quick dermatological aside: The Visitors are really good at pretending to be human, except they should do a closer study of skin. I mean, when you look at Lisa's face it is rather obvious that they don't know humans have pores. I always thought they could have lured human women into their health clinics if they just used their technology for wrinkle removing and pore shrinkage.
Up in space, Anna is happy with their progress, but Mr. Turtleneck has to point out that the FBI won't use a great deal of force since Erica is inside. Anna has a new plan: Get Marcus' free agent, one Kyle Hobbes, to incite the violence necessary to kill Erica and Joe and bring Tyler back to her. Remember Kyle was working as a mercenary for hire for Marcus. Anna claims he will do anything they say and this will allow the Visitors to remain free of the situation while controlling all the movements. Mr. Turtleneck goes to make it so.
Eli Cohen has realized that something queer is going on. The FBI snipers are locking onto targets that should be completely hidden from view. Erica realizes it must be the Visitors' advanced technology at work. She knows that if the FBI is locking on to targets they are about to storm the building. She tells Eli to get his men out, but Eli has other plans. Apparently his Facebook status asked all suicide bombers in the area to come outside and wait for his signal and then seize hostages and come on into the party. The FBI is stunned by the bold move. Erica's boss, inexplicably speaking into his sleeve instead of just a regular handheld walkie talkie, tells his men to stand down because there are innocent civilians involved now. Inside Erica quickly realizes what Eli did and goes to holler at him about his life choices. She didn't agree to no hostages! Luckily Eli brought a soap box with him. He stands up and lectures Erica about the fate of the human world under Anna's rule. She killed his family, she forced Joe into the building, she is going to kill them all. Everyone is going to die! A few lives more or less isn't going to matter in the big picture. The hostages he took will ensure that Erica lives. That Tyler's father lives. He is going to die today and he's okay with that, so long as the work of the Fifth Column can continue. He tells Erica that his second in command (he indicates some guy over there with a mustache) knows everything and everyone's phone numbers and Twitter handles. With him by her side Erica will be able to lead the Fifth Column to victory and crush the aliens like the bugs they are. Erica is like, whoa whoa whoa, you want me to control the Fifth Column? But I don't take hostages or kill innocent people or string up Peace Ambassadors or use suicide bombers or anything. Why do you want me to run the terrorist organization? Eli looks almost feverish (yes, he may actually be acting) as he tells Erica that he is entrusting his organization to her because she knows that this fight is a fight for the future of all their families. So he wants her to run the organization because she is a mom. Finally mothers are getting the respect they deserve. Erica looks panicked, but solemnly accepts the responsibility of running the largest terrorist operation in the world. There's no way this is harder than taking Ty's entire second grade soccer team to Chuck E. Cheese that one time! Or, you know, running a FBI taskforce. Same same, probably.
The layman known as Jack joins the growing mob on one side of the police barricade. He is wearing his civvies and blends in nicely with the crowd despite the halo floating over his head. He surveys the scene and calls the only person he can think of, his brother-in-arms, Kyle Hobbes. He asks Kyle to come down there because he smells something fishy and he's pretty sure it is V. Don't you think they smell fishy? It seems likely. Kyle reminds him that he is still a wanted criminal and he can't exactly go marching into an FBI standoff. He hangs up on Jack who is probably feeling pretty lonely about now. Who wants to give Jack a hug? *Raises hand*
Kyle is loitering in a nondescript alley when he gets Jack's call. (Living in NYC, I have to say, I don't think there are that many alleys. I mean, an alley is just undeveloped real estate. Why have an alley when you can put up a 15-story luxury condo building with stainless steel appliances and a $3million price tag? Right?) It's not clear why he is there, but Mr. Turtleneck steps out from somewhere (not the shadows because it's midday) the second Kyle hangs up and tells Kyle that Anna has a job for him. Kyle snorts derisively and Mr. Turtleneck pulls out a picture of a woman and reminds Kyle that their deal is that he works for them and this woman, Sarah, stays alive. Kyle smirks, "Yeah, she's been dead five years. Nice try, asshat." Mr. Turtleneck smiles that Kyle never found the body and she's actually alive. Then he plays a recording of a woman (who sounds like Erica) saying something non-committal like "Kyle, they have me!" and then the recording ends. It's not very convincing, but I guess we are supposed to believe that Kyle is so overwhelmed with emotion that he forgets to be logical. Kyle! Take a moment and listen to reason! Instead Kyle points a gun at Mr. Turtleneck and demands to know where she is. Mr. Turtleneck gently reminds him that if he kills him then he will never find Sarah. Instead, all Kyle has to do is walk over to the siege with this little device and cause a massive 'splosion. Easy peasy, right? For some reason Kyle agrees to it. I guess he trusts the Visitors now? That is probably the main lapse in this show's plots. I mean why would any of the Fifth Column fighters trust the Visitors when they make these deals with them? I mean does Ryan really think Anna will ever give him his daughter? Does Erica really think Anna will leave Tyler alone? Does Kyle really think he does this one little favor and his wife/sister/girlfriend/daughter will be returned to him and he can go retire in Boca? I mean, really? Why would anyone believe them when they have proved themselves to be completely untrustworthy? Well, at least this episode is enjoyable to watch. Kyle lets Mr. Turtleneck walk away as he stares at the detonation device.
Back at the siege site, Erica's partner, Bolling, spies Jack standing on the sidelines. He decides now would be a great time to rough up a priest in public. He grabs him by the shirt and warns him that if anything happens to Erica, Bolling is coming after him. This is all kinds of stupid considering Bolling knows Erica and Jack are friends of some sort and Bolling is the one launching an internal affairs investigation into Erica. Hey show, *shrug*. Jack smoothes his shirt as Bolling walks off to stand around more.
Ryan Nichols is still tied to a chair and bleeding when Erica returns to talk to him. She has come to say goodbye to him, but instead ends up yelling at him instead. Ryan tries to explain that he had no one to turn to help his daughter, no one but Anna. Erica shakes her head no, because Ryan had her. He had her and he betrayed her and she will not try to understand and she will not forgive him and she is leaving him there to die, because he REALLY hurt her feelings. She fought beside him, she was on his side, she would have done anything to help, but he chose Anna. Ryan apologizes again, but Erica is Bad Mommy now and she's not doling out kisses. She says goodbye and walks off to bid farewell to Eli as well. She is walking out with Cohen's second in command and Joe and Cohen is going to die in a blaze of glory. Eli holds her hand in a manly sort of clasp and tells her to make him proud and blow shit up and rain hellfire down on those alien lizards. Erica searches Cohen's eyes, which I guess is what you do when you know the person is going to die very soon. I haven't been in that situation myself, but come the revolution (or Wisconsin!) I will be sure to do that a lot with my compatriots.
Erica runs to get Joe. He apologizes for not trusting her. I guess they are talking about the whole "I swear Tyler's your baby" thing where he didn't believe her. She says it is in the past and Joe dooms himself to a very abbreviated life span by holding her close and whispering, "We have so much time to make up for" and kissing her. I mean, has the guy never seen a horror/action flick ever? He totally broke the rules to stay alive. He may as well trip on his high heels, sprain his ankle, and lose his virginity at the same time now, because he is totally dead.
Outside the FBI is preparing to raid the compound and praying it goes better than that whole Branch Davidian thing, because that was some serious bad PR. Erica calls Bolling claiming that Cohen wants to release the hostages, but wants assurances that no one is getting shot. Bolling says fine, and tells Erica to come on out.
Up on the ship, Anna is quite pleased with the way everything is coming together. Chad Decker is reporting live outside while Erica leads the hostages out. Kyle shows up wearing a G-man's mufti of suit and sunglasses. As Erica leads everyone to safety, he opens the detonation device.
Inside, Cohen realizes something is amiss as the bombs on the suicide bomber jackets helpfully piled on a table inside all light up like a Christmas tree (hmmm... maybe that's a bad analogy). He pulls the photo of his wife and son out of his pocket and then the 'splosions happen. The bombs blow out the windows and rains down debris on the hostages, killing some. Then someone starts shooting. It's unclear (for me anyway) whether it is Eli Cohen's Fifth Column stragglers or the FBI who starts firing. Erica is trying to get the hostages to safety, but the FBI has seemingly lost their mind and is just shooting right over them... and sometimes through them. The gathered crowd is no safer. Even Chad Decker has to duck behind a barrier as bullets whiz by. A few hostages go down. Erica has helped a few to cover and turns back to help more when Joe gets shot. Erica tries to run to his aid, but Bolling stops her. Joe gets shot a few more times and Erica breaks free of Bolling and flops down on Joe, which in retrospect probably isn't a great idea medically speaking. Joe is dead and Erica is holding his body. Ex Father Jack and Chad raise their heads from the duck-and-cover position and see her crying over her almost reconciled ex-husband's body. Kyle creeps away looking troubled, AS HE SHOULD. Up on the ship, Anna cackles in glee.
Erica is still cradling Joe's body, covered in blood, as ambulance sirens fill the air and people start to move in to help. Then Tyler runs through the police tape and into yet another crime scene. He goes to his mother's side and they weep for Joe together. Bolling and the Boss watch from the sidelines as a bloody and battered Erica cries over her family. Bolling decides that there is no way that Erica is corrupt or colluding with the enemy. The Boss nods and says he will kill the paperwork. Suckers.
Up on the ship, Anna has decided to go and gloat to her mother. She has devastated the Fifth Column when her mother could not. Diana smiles, "Don't worry, you'll hear from them again." Anna stamps her foot and yells, "NO I WON'T!" and her mother smiles at the tired little girl having a tantrum. She asks Anna why she feels the need to prove herself to her mommy, as it's not very becoming for a queen. Anna glares at her and reminds her that she's the one rotting in a basement. Then she pauses and realizes that her mother is trying to make her feel yucky human emotions, and she won't do it. If she wants to defeat her, she needs to try harder. Diana stares into the camera and promises, "Oh, I will" Anna ascends and Lisa catches her as she steps out of the secret door. She looks around, steps onto the portal and descends. Diana sees her and instantly knows who it is. She introduces herself to her granddaughter and tells her that she can trust her. You see, they share a common enemy: Her mother. Lisa looks intrigued.
Erica sits in the dark of her kitchen, crying. Tyler has his bags packed. He is leaving. Tyler being Tyler, he blames his mother for his father's demise. He is going to join the Visitors and fight the evil nasty humans who killed his father. Erica tries to explain to him that he is wrong, all wrong. But she doesn't actually tell him anything and he freaks out and screams in her face that it's her fault and if she had done her job and defeated the Fifth Column single-handedly then Joe would still be alive. She slaps him, which he TOTALLY DESERVES. So he leaves and she cries, alone again, naturally.
Later, at the Fab Four's HQ, Jack and Kyle are there, joined by Chad Decker. Erica enters the room and the men all stand up to greet their leader. Jack tells Erica that he is so sorry. She nods and confirms that Joe is dead. Kyle looks guilty (AS HE SHOULD). She gulps and adds that Tyler is gone. She gulps again. She tells them that Cohen left her in charge of the entire operations of the Fifth Column, every cell, every soldier. Her first act as Commander in Chief is to go on the offensive. Jack reminds her that he was a soldier once, and will be again. Chad promises to go the distance, whatever the cost. She looks Kyle in the eyes and apologizes for not believing him about Ryan (may he rest in peace). She conscripted him because she needed a warrior, but she has kept him caged. No more. She is a mother and a widow and she is going to rain hell down on the Visitors and she is going to need his help. Just until he retires with Sarah to Boca, of course. Oh wait, Kyle, didn't the Visitors return Sarah to you yet? No? Huh.
Melissa Locker a.k.a. Lulu Bates is still reeling over the thought that this episode might actually have been good. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.