In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Ten years ago, the Visitors came for John May. Who did they send? A certain V named Ryan Nichols. Even more exciting than that is: John May is played by Anders from Battlestar Galactica! They decide to track down John May's stepson, but they don't know that he is simultaneously ignorant, sort of stupid, and his girlfriend is a V sleeper agent. Erica and Kyle entrap her via a lack of football knowledge (she was TOTALLY thinking soccer) and off her in the kitchen. But guess what? Proof that his girlfriend was a lizard means the stepson is totally on their side now. With his help, they track down the communication device that allows them to talk with Joshua on the mothership. Joshua doesn't even know that Georgie is on board, but promises to go find him. While they wait for news, Ryan decides to tell John May's stepson the truth about his stepfather. John May didn't commit suicide, because Ryan killed him. But he did it for the right reasons -- keeping him out of the hands (claws?) of the Visitors who wanted to capture him. Ryan explains that John May taught him how to be a human. He taught him how to love. This is some how comforting to everyone instead of incredibly fucked up -- I mean, DUDE, you KILLED him! Yet it's comforting even to his co-rebels who totally thought John May was alive and was going to help rally the troops. Ryan adds that every time John May's name is mentioned, an angel gets its wings and Anna gets a wrinkle.
Pregnancy does not agree with Anna, but she has no time for morning sickness, she has an evil mission to jumpstart! So who you gonna call? Chad Decker, of course. Anna uses his news broadcast as a personal soap box to extol the virtues of the Live Aboard Program and to downplay the "John May Lives" message that Ryan and Joshua embedded into her announcement last week. But Chad remembers his discussion with the priest (because, really, you can't lie to a priest and still consider yourself a good person, right?) and is trying to figure out whether the Live Aboard Program and the Healing Centers are as safe as the Visitors want them to believe. He starts finding an interesting pattern among the "lucky few" selected to live aboard the program in that they tend to be brilliant or hyper-fertile or otherwise blessed (is hyper-fertile a blessing?) people who are some how broken or unlucky and haven't lived up to their potential. But wait, there's more: Instead of taking it to the priest, though, he takes it to Anna and confronts her with the story. She promises to keep Chad in the loop and far from his fears of an ordinary life if he keeps it to himself.
Lisa, Tyler's alien girlfriend, has shown up at Tyler's dad's house uninvited and at the encouragement of her mom, Anna, who wants her to get Tyler's teenage behind on the mothership. Lisa eavesdrops on a private conversation between Erica and Tyler's dad (hive minds do not lend themselves to a sense of privacy) and finds out the big secret: Tyler's dad is not really Tyler's dad. Which I guess means I will have to learn his name. When not-Dad wants to tell Tyler the truth, Erica explains the situation to Father Jack while seeking counsel: Apparently after Tyler's motorcycle accident, routine blood tests revealed that Tyler wasn't related to his father. Erica thought it was a mistake, but the dad didn't. Obviously, Lisa tells Tyler the news, and then his "dad" confirms it. Tyler is not happy. He comes back to cry and yell at Erica for awhile and then storms off.
Val finds a secret safe buried in the back of Ryan's closet. Why would a wealthy stockbroker in Manhattan have a safe?? Obviously something nefarious is going on. She hires a locksmith to get to the bottom of the mystery. Inside she finds some of the clues to Ryan's secret life. And she does not like what she finds. She takes off before Ryan can explain.
While the Fab Four struggles to come up with a plan to get Georgie off the mothership, things are going pretty badly for Georgie Sutton. The Vs have gotten some inspiration from the Wrath of Khan and insert some bug like torture devices in him, and then Anna fills his head with the memories of the Visitors slaughtering his family. She does have a way with people. Georgie can't take much more, and when Joshua finally finds him and puts him in touch with the team on the ground, he bids them farewell and has Father Jack offer last rites. Then Joshua eases Georgie out of the mortal coil.
Watch the episode here, discuss it in our forums, then refresh your V-knowledge with our guide to the A to Z of V. And check back soon for the full recap!
Melissa Locker a.k.a. Lulu Bates is a writer in New York City who is never going in a hot tub with Anna. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Ten years ago in Reedsville, New York, which, according to Google Maps, is not a town that actually exists. Perhaps they are worried about alien retaliation if they use a real town? Either way it will be great to fuel the alternate reality rumors that are surely spilling over from Lost. It is evening and a man sits in his study making fishing flies (do people in the exurbs do that sort of thing? Maybe he's making ammo). when the table shakes and the lights flicker. His son rushes in convinced that he saw a UFO, but his dad reassures him there is no such thing as UFOs and rushes him back to bed. The second the kid is out of the room, the guy picks up a phone, hastily dials a number and announces, "They came for me. Tell the others I'm going dark." He hangs up his phone and picks up a shotgun. By the way, the man is played by Michael Trucco, who will forever be Samuel Anders to me. He runs outside with his gun and sees a V ship de-cloak (I guess that Klingon technology is real!) overhead. He scurries through the underbrush when out of the darkness and fully armed steps...Ryan (??) He and John May tussle, but when Ryan steps in a wolf trap (a wolf trap and a ten-year old boy do make for some exciting birthday parties), John May points the gun at his head. Ryan spews some vitriol about John May turning against his own kind, but John May returns the harsh words saying that Bliss is a drug and human emotions are the real thing. Yeah, Up With People! Ryan claims that John May has just been in his skin sack too long and his cold blood is fading. Ryan instructs him to kill him now, because he will NEVER stop hunting him. John May stupidly lowers the gun, because he is pro-life and tells Ryan that someday he will understand. Then he bolts. The show awkwardly cuts to Ryan in the present. Maybe the editor was taking a Mentos Moment and couldn't be bothered to edit properly. It's hard to tell whether Ryan is simply remembering this scene or whether he has just finished recounting it to the Fab Four. Kyle doesn't know who John May is and Ryan quickly explains that John started the resistance against the Visitors...and Ryan sort of knew him. Erica and Father Jack are shocked that Ryan didn't mention that he knew him before, but Ryan shrugs that he's not much of a name dropper and they aren't leaving Georgie to die, like those two things are related somehow. Ryan is determined to get back on the ship and rescue Georgie and Erica agrees. Kyle however doesn't, because his entire point on the show thus far is to be a foil and to disagree with everything anyone says. Keep it up, Kyle, the Foreign Press is watching! Kyle doesn't think that Georgie is weak, but he does have a breaking point and whatever information Georgie has will end up in the hands of the Visitors. Ryan disagrees. Beneath that squidgy bearded body is a Man of Iron who will never break under V torture. But wait, Kyle, doesn't that mean you should rescue Georgie NOW before he can give up any information? Are you just disagreeing because you have to? Ryan then realizes that he doesn't agree with his own rescue plan. Instead he wants to go find John May's long lost communication device and his of kin and get in touch with Joshua up on the ship. Hopefully Joshua can organize a rescue. Even Kyle likes this new plan.
Up on the old V homestead, pregnancy is not agreeing with Anna at all. She pulls up a mirror to see if she looks as bad as she feels and sure enough she does, but not for long! She concentrates and suddenly looks as lovely as Morena Baccarin as Anna, but not as pretty as Inara, and almost as attractive as Michael Cera. So, I know the Vs have advanced technology and their skin is grown in a lab, but how long until Neutrogena puts out a product that can do THAT? And do the Vs' healing centers address dermatological issues? Because I am pretty sure women would go there for free oxygen facials, dermabrasions, and chemical peels, even if the Vs are kind of creepy. The Visitors could also use their technology to predict pimples the way they predicted Chad Decker's aneurysm. You could plan your big days around them, like, don't get married June 6th you'll have a pimple to rival Eyjafjallajokull. And if the Visitors say that the R6 reduces wrinkles and prevents the flu, women will be lining up. Heck, the Visitors could even tell them they were reptiles and who would care, because: LOOK AT THEIR SKIN! It's glowing! Girls are kinda stupid like that. No. 2 comes to give his morning report. Georgie is not responding to the memory chamber, which I assume is that laser light show they made Tyler suffer through last week. Although Tyler didn't seem to mind it, but maybe they let him take a toke first. Anyway, No.2 doesn't think Georgie is going to cave anytime soon and they aren't getting any information from him. Anna tells him to kick it up a notch with Georgie. Maybe show him Emeril reruns. That would make anyone crack. No. 2 also tells Anna that there is a resistance growing among the humans invited to the Live Aboard Program. Anna frowns and orders No. 2 to find Chad Decker. What, no Chad Decker Bat Phone yet? She wants to take to the air to convince the humans herself. She wants "those bodies on board". Ooh are they going to be human incubators? Shocking! Except that we have all seen Aliens. Almost twenty years ago. Yawn.
Tyler's Dad lives in Georgetown, Connecticut, a town that is lucky enough to reside between Norwalk and Danbury. Also, to actually exist. Tyler's Dad heads off with newspaper and coffee into his office, only to be surprised by a lithesome (and loathsome) blonde buttoning her shirt on the way out. Can't a man use his bathroom anymore without risk of catching herpes from a V hussy?? Now he's going to have get a whole new toilet. But before he heads off to Home Depot, he would like to know WHO THE HELL SHE IS. She smiles and says she's Lisa, Tyler's girlfriend. Dad's confused, when did she get there? Who invited her? Who said she could stay? She smiles coldly and says she just wanted to come check on Tyler. She remembers what she learned from Tyler's memory extractor and Human Emotion lessons and quickly tells him that Tyler's been having a really rough time since his dad left and she wanted to make sure he was okay. Dad's irritation quickly turns to guilt over abandoning the family and instead of grilling Lisa as to what exactly she is doing there adjusting her clothes and using his goddamn bathroom, he asks if Tyler ever talks about him. Lisa knows she has won this round and reassures him that Tyler never said anything bad about him. Tyler's pop is REALLY out of practice in being a dad, because trust me, if a strange girl had wandered out of my dad's bathroom first thing in the morning, there would have been some pretty alien butt on the porch with a door shut in her face pretty darn quickly. But Lisa just trots downstairs for breakfast as if she owned the damn place. thing you know, Ty and his dad are going to be putting the toilet seat down and using napkins. Downstairs, Tyler hurriedly explains that he slept on the couch and then begs his dad to let Lisa interrupt their guy time. You see, he really likes her. Yeah and John really liked Yoko before she ate him and spawned an army of Nickelback fans.
Anna has called Chad Decker to the ship so she can try to explain away the hacked message that appeared on the bottom of the ship during her announcement of the Live Aboard Program. She claims that they simply can't explain the message because they think it was a glitch, some old code. Some day they will all be laughing about this! Ha ha ha, John May! She then changes the subject to her excitement about the Live Aboard Program and a chance to repay the hospitality the succulent and delicious earthlings have shown them during their stay. You know, before they leave. Anna is great at slip
ping in a few words here and there to calm human fears. I bet she would be an amazing SEO officer. As Anna tells Chad about the excellent accommodations and concierge service, we see Georgie experiencing the best the ship has to offer: He is naked from the waist up and strapped to a table. No. 2 is interrogating him and demanding to know who his co-rebels are, but Georgie won't say. He just lists the name of his wife and his two young sons who were slaughtered by the Visitors. Do we know why yet? Did I forget during the hiatus? If so, not my fault; make shorter hiatuses if you want us to remember this shit. Speaking of No. 2, it is funny writing about No. 2 because this episode is directed by none other than Captain Jean Luc Picard's No. 2, Jonathan Frakes. I'm a sucker for the Star Trek: The Generation diaspora. Speaking of Star Trek, Georgie is having a Wrath of Khan moment as the V doctor introduces him to a lovely little creature called a Scour (I have no idea how to spell that). It enters through the eyeball, runs along the nerves and explores the entire human body from the inside, exiting via the soft tissue around the reproductive organs. It's really a complete tour package, although the accommodations are crap. Obviously the thought of getting his nards chewed off from the inside is a wee bit horrifying and Georgie starts screaming as the bug goes in his eye and heads downtown. More interesting, "nards" is apparently in the Microsoft Word dictionary. The doctor holds up an entire bottle of the nasty little critters and Georgie says he will tell them a name.
Up on the ship, No. 2 is addressing a gathered crowd of mismatched humanoids. Between the policeman, the construction worker, and the doctor it looks like a modern version of the Village People. No. 2 tells everyone that as embedded sleeper agents, they must remain alert. If they see anything unusual, they just need to push the emergency call button they were given and help will arrive. The camera lingers on some girl we've never seen before, so she will undoubtedly be important later. Or not. The Fab Three have turned left at the leprechaun, hopped over a magic toadstool, and followed the rainbow trail to the imaginary land of Reedsville, New York. They pull up to John May's old home and Ryan explains that John May's stepson didn't know anything, because John May wanted to protect his family. So...why do you want to find him? As they step out of the car, Erica's phone rings. Her ex-husband would have really appreciated a little heads up about the girlfriend. Erica is surprised that she showed up, but doesn't have time to talk right now. The ex keeps talking anyway: he is having a hard time knowing that Tyler thinks their divorce was his fault. He can't have his kid struggle with the weight of that, especially when it is not true. Erica swears she will call him back in a minute, but SHE IS AN FBI AGENT AND HAS TO GO NOW. Tyler's Dad keeps talking: The truth needs to come out. Tyler needs to know that he's not his dad. He hangs up the phone before Erica can argue with him. Obviously Lisa has overheard this entire conversation and realizes she has the ammunition she needs to make Tyler hers for all eternity. Meanwhile, Erica is a little distracted from the task at hand because of the phone call. Luckily there is a priest she can confide in. Father Jack asks if she is okay, and she admits that she isn't. Since he is a priest and she feels she can trust him, she tells him something she has never told anyone: When Tyler was 14 he wrecked his bike and wound up in the hospital. She and her husband went to donate blood and during the blood work, it turned out that Joe's blood didn't match. He wasn't Tyler's father. The priest doesn't ask if Erica had an affair or anything, but just nods reassuringly as Erica says the tests aren't 100% accurate. For some reason, Joe didn't believe her. After that revelation, the trust was gone and their marriage was over. The priest asks if Tyler knows, but Erica thinks that sometimes you have to lie to people to keep them safe. The priest wonders if that is the FBI agent or the mother. Eh...they are both equally fucked up.
Val's alien baby is very precocious and has started kicking at a mere six weeks old. This concerns her, but she can't find her doctor's phone number. She calls Ryan wanting to know if he has the V doctor's business card. She heads into the closet to dig through his jacket pockets. That's when she notices something. She pulls his clothes aside and reveals a wall safe. She looks like she saw a ghost copulating with her grandma on top of her baby pictures. Um...it's a safe. You live in Manhattan and your fiancée is a stockbroker. It's just not that weird.
Up in Reedsville, Ryan knocks loudly on the door of John May's old house. And, luckily, no one ever moves and James May opens the door. Ryan introduces himself as a friend of his stepfather and asks if he can come in. James stares at them suspiciously, but his cute little girlfriend comes bouncing out and tells him to invite them in. She is one of the V sleeper agents. Once inside, Ryan asks if they can speak privately and the girl offers to go put on a pot of coffee, just like The Visitors' Guide to Human Hospitality taught her. Father Jack points to the crucifix on the wall and offers to help. For some reason the souvenir replication of the spot where Jesus Christ was killed causes Ryan to flashback to a night he spent with John May and his family: Ryan comes to John May's door with the kid, James. John May doesn't really want to let him in, but Ryan invites himself to dinner, which is very rude and definitely not in The Visitors' Guide to Human Manners. At dinner, Ryan coldly watches John May interact with actual interest and feeling with his human family. He tells John May that a bunch of his old friends are in town and they are planning on stopping by later. John May explains that he is done with that old life and maybe he can meet everyone out and not inconvenience his wife? Ryan and the scary V scythe thing that he has hiding under his napkin agree to meet John May later for a drink. I imagine something like the meeting of the Loyal Order of the Water Buffaloes that Fred and Barney attended, but, you know, with less bowling. Back in the present, James May has nothing to tell Ryan. Ryan explains that John May started the resistance to the Vs long before anyone knew the Visitors existed. They are part of the resistance now, and they need an old communication device John May had. James makes a few unfairly disparaging remarks about Superman and Kal El, but thinks the device might be in a storage unit downtown, but he didn't know anything about his stepdad or what he was up to and he doesn't want anything to do with their creepy resistance movement now. Ryan may have been friends with John May, but where was he when John May killed himself?! Father Jack looks surprised, because: Holy shit, mortal sins! Here! And him without his rosary. Ryan looks uncomfortable and then explains that the suicide note was fake. While Father Jack and Ryan try to get something useful out of James, Agent Erica and Kyle talk to the girlfriend. She explains how she and James met at a restaurant while they were in school at UCLA. Erica coyly asks if she likes the UCLA football team, the Trojans. The girl's like, "Oh shit, yeah! I love the Trojans!" Erica nods and then points out that the football team is ACTUALLY THE BRUINS! Oh shit! Girlfriend is totally busted for not reading The Visitors' Guide to Human Sports more closely. Quick point: I would fail this test too. Just sayin'. Maybe she was just trying to be personable with company, you know? Like she really spent all her time smoking and at the library and not at football games, but wanted to pretend she had common ground with the strangers in her house? Anyway, Kyle mutters, "Oops," as Erica and the girl lunge for the scissors at the same time. They tussle, Kyle gets in the mix and Erica's head is used to headbutt Kyle, which was all kinds of awesome. The girl pushes some scary sharp claws out o
f her fingers and is about to pierce Erica's nose, lip, and eyelid simultaneously (Tyler will love that new Goth look on his mom) when Kyle snaps her neck. He drops her unceremoniously on the ground as Ryan, Father Jack and James rush in to the room. James is horror-stricken at his dead girlfriend and her new claws. No one, not even the priest, bothers to comfort him even a little, which is pretty cold. They all rush off to the storage unit, dragging James along with them. I mean, if your girlfriend was just killed in your kitchen, wouldn't you want a moment to grieve, even if she had claws? I mean would YOU go with the people who had just killed her? I wouldn't. I'd be whistling Fleetwood Mac's "Go Your Own Way" under my breath and getting the heck away from those psychos. Even if girlfriend had some mad sharp Lee Press-On Nails for her active lifestyle.
Up on the ship, Georgie's will has not broken. Sure he gave them a name, but it was the name of his unborn daughter who was also slaughtered by the Visitors! The doctor is really bummed that Georgie resisted the Scours. Pregnant Anna doesn't appreciate the talk of the dead unborn daughter. She knows that they can get to the Fifth Column via Georgie, but they will have to dig deeper than the Scours. That sounds...uncomfortable.
The Fab Four, plus James have made it to John May's storage unit and are ransacking it looking for the communication device. James stands in the corner quietly moaning bout his dead girlfriend. Kyle, who should never ever ever consider a career in counseling, shrugs and reminds him that she wasn't human and he shouldn't sweat it. Strangely James doesn't find that particularly comforting. Also, guessing Kyle's not a vegan. Ryan explains that the Visitors planted her there because of who his stepfather was. The knowledge that his girlfriend wasn't even interested in him for his own sake, let alone his charm or ability to accessorize, but just because of his stepfather, also isn't particularly comforting to James. Ryan digs around and finally comes up with the comms device. It looks like a superball, so it's good that he found it, because I'm pretty sure no one else would have recognized it. He hopes it works. Kyle points out that if it doesn't work they will need to pray for Georgie to die quickly, which is too much for Ryan. He slams Kyle up against the wall. But Kyle won't shut up, he thinks Ryan has been hiding something all day. Father Jack and Erica quickly break up the fight and remind the guys that their motto is Teamwork! And all this infighting isn't really helping. Just then one of the leftover props from Phantasm pops into the warehouse for a look-see. Kyle spots it and fires at it even though he has no idea what it is. Erica and Father Jack recognize its evil twin from the warehouse and Ryan identifies it as a Seeker. Erica finally spots it loitering over James' shoulder. She tells him not to move and takes out the Seeker with one shot. Everyone seems slightly impressed with their own Annie Oakley, but she is more interested in finding out how the Vs knew they were there. Kyle asks James if his Freddy Krueger girlfriend gave him a promise ring or anything (has Kyle been reading a lot of Little House on the Prairie?) and James hands over his watch. Kyle smashes it, revealing the tracking device inside. They all run for it.
On the Mothership, Anna introduces her holo-self to Georgie. She explains that since they were unable to retrieve his memories to use against him, they found some other memories to use. She presses play on the V-CR (get it? get it?) and plays him the memories of the Visitors who slaughtered his wife and children. I would really like to know what they did to deserve that. Georgie can't watch his screaming family as they are murdered and begs them to turn it off. Anna instructs them to play it until Georgie gives up the names.
Tyler and his dad are doing some manly stuff together (cutting wood this time) while Lisa watches from the doorway, bored. As soon as Joe heads off to get the kids some sodas (what? High fructose corn syrup? What would Erica say?), Tyler turns to Lisa to explain that his dad wants him to stay for a few weeks to continue to cut things and use wrenches and drill stuff together. He promises to see Lisa as often as he can, but he thinks this is important for him and his dad. To fix stuff, together, like men. Lisa yawns and gives Tyler a look. A look he interprets as meaning his dad is a liar and Tyler is an idiot. Tyler asks her what she means and she pretends that it isn't her place to say anything and she really shouldn't, but oh what the heck: She overheard Tyler's dad say that he wasn't Tyler's dad. Tyler is confused and flabbergasted. So when Joe comes out on the porch, Tyler totally busts his girlfriend and says she was eavesdropping and misunderstood something. Joe could easily have said, "Um yeah, she misunderstood something. And why is this eavesdropping hussy who is about five years too old and way out of your league in my house anyway??" Instead, Joe hemmed, hawed, glared at Lisa, and then decided to mumble something like "Yeah, you're not." Like somehow Joe thinks this would be an easy thing for Tyler to hear. Like finding out your beloved dad isn't your dad is something best mumbled in front of your girlfriend. Tyler reels a bit and then asks if that is why Joe left? Did he feel like a sucker for raising someone else's kid? Joe says, "It's complicated." Like somehow quoting Denise Richards will help the situation. Instead of telling Tyler that he will always be his father, that he loves him, that he is there for him, and that it is something they really need to talk about in private, Joe just glares at Lisa some more. Tyler yells at him to stop glaring at his Truth Telling girlfriend. Joe suggests Tyler go talk to his mother and Tyler agrees. Tyler and Lisa run off to I don't know where ...Norwalk? Danbury? As they near the property line, Joe finally realizes that maybe he should mention that he loves Tyler (maybe?) and shouts it after him. Um...well-played Joe. Really.
Chad Decker is reviewing the tape of his interviews with potential participants in the Live Aboard Program. He and Anna sit side-by-side as a woman explains that when she entered her name in the Live Aboard Program drawing at the Healing Center, she never thought she would win. She's always been unlucky what with that appendectomy leading to sterility all those years ago. Jesus, woman, overshare much? This is for national television! Chad watches the tape three times as the woman explains how everyone in her family has 8 kids and she only has 12 cats and a lonely goldfish. Did she ask the Vs to heal her lady parts then? It's hard to tell if Chad Decker has unearthed a clue to Anna's plan or whether he is trying to figure out how he can look like a Serious Journalist without risking wrinkles. Did you see how he furrowed his brow? That's going to take some serious Botox to correct. Maybe time he's at the Healing Center he'll have his V doctor take a look at it.
Hey Joshua, is that a glowing ball in your pocket or are you happy to hear from me? It's Ryan yelling into the comms device. Joshua stands in the middle of a large hallway relieved to hear that Ryan found the device. Joshua, are you sure you want to be talking to the Fifth Column on an illicit communication device in the middle of the ship? And, Ryan, can't you pipe down? Apparently he can't, because he hollers to Joshua: Georgie Sutton is being held on your ship! Find him and save him! Fifth Column forever! His booming voice echoes around the halls of the ship. Joshua glances around nervously looking for spies and eavesdroppers and quickly tells Ryan that he
will find Georgie. He turns off the device before Ryan can start hollering again. After the communication device goes dark, Ryan, Kyle, Jack, Erica and James stare at each other for a while. James finally breaks the ice by asking Ryan whether it is true that John May's suicide note was fake. Ryan assures him that it was. Ryan knows that John May would never have left James and his mother if he hadn't been forced to go. James wonders how exactly does Ryan know? Oh, because he is the one who forced him to leave. Everyone gasps as Ryan has a flashback to John May reminding him of all the great things about humanity: popcorn, baseball, reruns of Alf. Also, true love. John May can see in Ryan's face that the greatness of humankind and life on earth are affecting him. John May then claims that humans have a saying for when they find what really matters to them. They say they found their "True North" and he found his true north in his wife and stepson. Man, this show keeps proving that I am SO not human. Not only do I have no freaking idea of the UCLA football team mascot, but I also have never once uttered in my entire life the phrase "true north". Dammit, I'm a sleeper agent. As John May tucks his suicide note under a compass, Ryan reminds John May that the Vs are expecting him. Back to the present, Ryan tells James that when he came to dinner ten years and looked exactly the same as he does now? That was the night he killed John May. The camera flashes from Erica to Father Jack to Kyle as they gasp in horror. Nice one there, Frakes. Erica. Can. Not. Believe. That. Ryan. Lied. To a priest, even! Ryan knew John May was dead, because he killed him! James looks sick to his stomach as Ryan explains that he wishes he could go back in time and change things, but he can't. Even the Visitors technology hasn't gotten as far as Hot Tub Time Machine. (Bubbles are Magic!) That said, he may have killed John May, but John May taught him how to be human. And John May learned how to be human because of James and his mother. The Fifth Column exists because of John May. Anna ordered his death and every time she sees the message "John May Lives" it is like a dagger in her eye. Everyone seems satisfied by this answer and they have already forgiven Ryan for completely misleading them and killing their greatest ally before they could ever meet him. Oh well, bygones! Erica asks Ryan to pinkie swear not to lie anymore, because lies make Baby Jesus cry. And Father Jack, too. There are so many things I don't get in that scene. First, in Ryan's flashback, he was trapped in a wolf trap and John May was escaping. Did Ryan catch him later that night? Or did John May get away and Ryan is just a big fat lying liar who lies? Two, why isn't James trying to throttle Ryan or at least kicking him in the shins a few times? And three, how can Ryan lie to a priest and not get smited? QUESTIONS! I gots 'em.
Val, who I thought had gotten over her overwhelming paranoia when she found Ryan's engagement ring and ruined her own surprise and also because she is supposed to be a therapist and is giving therapists everywhere a bad reputation, has hired a locksmith to crack open Ryan's safe. Yeah, that's a trusting relationship and clearly a marriage that will work. Val kicks the nosy locksmith out and starts going through the safe.
Chad Decker has a deal for Anna. He has gone through the backgrounds of all the guests that they had on his show today and he has noticed a pattern. All the invitees for the Live Aboard Program have a great deal of potential, but are somehow broken. Like the violin virtuoso who is nuts or the cat lady with the hyper-fertile family. Is hyper-fertility really a gift? I mean, sure, it's worked out for the Duggars, Octomom, and arguably the Gosselins, but does the cat lady really aspire to show off her two left feet on Dancing with the Stars? Anna coolly tells Chad that humans are very shallow and miss the true inner beauty and potential of people. She is personally going to rectify that situation. Yeah, still not seeing how stunted hyper-fertility fits in with that. Chad isn't buying it either. So he has a deal. He gets very very close to Anna's face and explains that he is going to keep digging into the story, but he won't release his findings to the public so long as Anna keeps things interesting between them. She needs to give him a bigger story or he's going with this one. Anna promises that they will be helping each other out for a long time. Chad lets out a big old sigh of relief as he walks away from Anna. It's hard to tell whether he just decided to choose his career over his desire to help Father Jack or whether he is up to something. I also wonder when he will be getting that big call from the network executives expressing some concern that he is starting to lose any credibility as a journalist and any semblance of journalistic ethics when he sits right to Anna throwing soft ball questions at her hand-picked guests. I mean, hell, Katie Couric asked Sarah Palin way tougher questions than Chad tosses at Anna. And almost no one takes her seriously.
Father Jack has invited Erica, Kyle, and Ryan back to the church to wait for Joshua to get in touch. It seems like they have been waiting for hours when the communication device finally lights up. Ryan rushes to it and Joshua is standing in the torture lab with Georgie. He explains that Georgie isn't looking so good, but he's not dead yet and probably won't be for at least a few days. He can't move him, though. Maybe once the Live Aboard Program starts he can smuggle him onto an outbound shuttle, but that's not for several days. Ryan asks to talk to Georgie and Joshua brings the superball over. Ryan asks Georgie how it's hanging and Georgie is glad to hear that Ryan is safe and off the ship. He doesn't want to be rescued. He knows the Vs are just waiting for it so they can follow him and track down the Fifth Column. He appreciates the thought, but he doesn't have a few more days anyway. He tells Ryan that he wants to talk to Father Jack. It's hard to tell whether Georgie wants absolution or the Last Rites or just to say goodbye to a friend. Father Jack is doing a heart-wrenching job with this scene as his eyes fill with tears and he says goodbye. Georgie knows what he wants and knows that he is ready to go be with his family. Father Jack nods and says, "God bless you, George Sutton." Joshua realizes what is required of him and as soon as Georgie is done talking, Joshua injects him with something. Georgie goes gentle into that good night. As the communication device goes dark, the Fab Four retreat to separate corners of the room to mourn the loss and the sacrifice of George Sutton. Later, someone pours the Scotch and everyone toasts the life of George Sutton who they hope did not die in vain.
Ryan flashes back to John May's wake. He comforts James who is holding his stepfather's compass and crying. Ryan wipes the tear off his face and stares at his hand like it is covered in boogers instead of a young boy's tears. He wipes it off surreptitiously and sits and stares at all the Emotions! Feelings! Warm Fuzzies! The Sads! Also in the room is Val. She watches as Ryan comforts James and falls in love right then and there. Girls are suckers for that sort of thing. Ryan calls Val, but when she declines his call, he leaves her a very heartfelt voice mail. There is something he needs to talk to her about when he gets home. He is not who she thinks he is. He wants her to know the truth. Oh Ryan, Val has already found her own truth. It involves a bunch of passports under different names, currency from across the globe, and a couple of ultrasound pictures with a tail. She can't handle the truth.
Erica comes home and finds Tyler sitting on the floor. And thus commences the worst two minutes of acting you will probably ever see on a primetime network television show. Seriously they should get some sort of award for fake crying. Tyler tells Erica that he knows the truth and Erica swears it is not true. The tests are wrong, she never...she didn't...Joe is definitely his dad! She never told him because she just kept waiting for someone to tell her it was a mistake! She is fake crying, fake gasping, the supposedly overwhelming sorrow isn't reaching past her mouth. And as bad as Erica is, Tyler is worse. He just can't believe she didn't tell him! He thought he could trust her! Except for all those times he didn't! Their relationship is ruined! Or at least the same as it was before! They sob like they are in a junior high rendition of the funeral scene from Tom Sawyer and they are both playing Aunt Polly. I don't expect much from Tyler, but I have seen Elizabeth Mitchell hit the tearful- heartbroken-overwrought thing out of the park as Juliet on Lost, so this crap is as inexcusable as it is confusing.
Up on the mothership, Anna is angrily watching the human news report on the mystery of the 'John May Lives' message. The earthlings aren't sure what to make of it, but it is seemingly sending Anna into a hyperventilating tizzy. No. 2 comes in to report that Georgie Sutton died. The emotional trauma must have been too much for him. Anna growls, but continues staring and breathing heavily. Also, sweating. No. 2 looks over her shoulder at the news and remarks that the 'John May Lives' message is trite and untrue but delivers the message. It has also started a groundswell of emotion against the Visitors. Anna glares at the screen. She allows the Fifth Column this one victory, because she is about to deliver them a thousand defeats. Oh! She's in labor! That explains the sweating and Lamaze breathing. She has opted for a water birth for her lil tadpoles. She steps into a hot tub and releases the eggs of a thousand soldiers. She also appears to be bleeding from the eyes. Nobody said birth was pretty.
Find out what this show's chances are for getting a second season.
Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.
Melissa Locker a.k.a. Lulu Bates is a writer in New York City who is never getting in a hot tub with Anna. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.