Episode Report Card LuluBates: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT V is for Hiatus
By LuluBates | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 11.24.2009
her way.At the Lyndhurst Shipping Company, which may or may not be in New Jersey, but sounds like it should be, Erica uses a helpless lady act to get the guard to come out. This should not be surprising to the guard since he works in what may very well be New Jersey (he probably doesn't know either) because New Jersey is a complete maze without a single street sign and a GPS dead zone. So Erica acting like a woman who is completely lost should be very realistic. Although her longshoreman stocking cap should have been a dead giveaway. The second the guard steps out, Ryan clocks him. Then Father Jack runs up panting from exertion or something. Maybe he jogged there from New York. Either way he says Erica's name like he was desperately concerned for her. They storm the guard's station and Ryan jury rigs the surveillance cameras.
Back onboard the mothership, Anna explains that Lisa is her top priority, always. Tyler likes her okay, but if Anna is, you know, interested, he'd be willing to trade up. Anna smiles wanly and says that Lisa said Tyler was into motorcycles. He eagerly agrees with everything Anna says because he is a CHUCKLEHEAD. Anna thinks he will really like what she is going to show him and Ty agrees because he is nodding so much it is like he has a broken neck. Anna takes him to the secret heart of the V ship, which is the never-before-seen propulsion center. What this has to do with a love of motorcycles is beyond me. I would think a Trekkie would be more intrigued. Tyler falls for the line about being the first human to ever see this. Sucker.
Dr. Joshua is really ticked off at his friend for martyring himself for the Fifth Column and sacrificing himself for Joshua. The friend, lying naked save for a sheet, explains that it is all for the greater good. Joshua is one of Anna's closest advisors and thus an important asset for the Column. Joshua gave his friend something so he can't move. Joshua picks up a vile looking implement and then collapses...he can't do it. His paralyzed friend gives him another pep talk and Joshua steels himself for the flaying. He grabs the tool, plunges it at his friend, and a long scream comes out. While this scene is intense and flinch-worthy, there is something almost inherently silly about it. I mean the guy who is about to be skinned alive is offering words of encouragement to the guy who is going to do it. It's like a Monty Python sketch or actually what it most reminds me of is the scene from Douglas Adams's The Restaurant at the End of the Universe where the cows come up to the restaurant patrons and tell them about what parts are the best to eat, whether they've been exercising their flanks or eating extra fat so the customer can choose the best part. It's just all sorts of wrong.
At the warehouse, the team hits the motherlode of weird. In the center of the warehouse a lab has been set up. Inside the tented off area are the desiccated corpses of human test subjects. Also in the tent are vials and vials of a serum labeled as R6. It's what the Visitors are putting in the vitamin shots. Erica digs around some more and realizes the awful truth: the Vs aren't putting the R6 in the vitamin shots, they are putting it in the good old fashioned flu vaccine! How absolutely diabolical! The Vs know that people may not trust them, but they will definitely trust a flu shot. No one worries about a flu shot -- UNTIL NOW. Erica lays it out: the government encourages humans to get flu shots (like they are RIGHT NOW), the media reports on the pandemic (like they are RIGHT NOW), and people rush out to get the flu shot to protect themselves (like they are RIGHT NOW). The Vs are counting on humans trusting the media and the government. Clearly the message is: Trust the government AND DIE. This makes a lot of sense. Their brilliantly evil scheme with the conspiracy subtext is interrupted when they hear a noise.
Back at the Visitors' healing center, Val is getting the good news that her heart condition can be cured by the magically healing fingers of the Visitors. But there is a small something else. Three guesses? No, Val didn't swallow a My Little Pony doll in a cry for attention.
At the warehouse, the team's mission has been compromised and the place is lousy with Vs. Ryan knows he can figure out the self destruct button. Erica and Father Jack are supposed to get his back. He hacks the Vs' computer system, adds the tag line "John May Lives", and then...he is strangled from behind by a member of the security team. They wrestle until Erica shoots the V dead. See? See? Don't bother strangling someone -- just shoot them. Have they not seen Austin Powers? Ryan looks grateful, while Erica looks him in the eye again hoping once again to engage him in the ancient and mystical struggle of wills and eyelids known as a staring contest. Either that or she is struggling not to utter the old canard, "Now we're even." Father Jack rushes in to remind them that they are being swarmed and should, like, leave or something because there is a limit to the power of prayer. Father Jack is stopped by a bald V who sort of looks like a beefy version of "Powder", but Father "Fists of Fury" Jack downs him in two seconds flat. Must be those Sunday afternoons in the Fellowship Hall. Powder looks pissed as Father Jack flattens him and runs. Meanwhile one of the Vs has realized that Ryan jacked the system and it is going to blow. Sure enough the entire warehouse goes kablooie as soon as Father Jack, Erica, and Ryan escape out the door. Serves them right for putting a self-destruct button in a warehouse.
Chad Decker is wrapping up his reporting at the healing center when the Executive Assistant pulls him aside. He needs to discuss something important. The scan that Chad took as part of his report turned up something. In approximately six months Chad will die from an aneurysm in his brain. They can fix him, though. Chad is stunned. He wants to get a second opinion. Preferably from Derek "Santa Claus" Shepherd. The Vs shake their heads, because human technology is not advanced enough to be able to see the future. Ahem, have they met Derek Shepherd? Chad doesn't really know what to say, so the doctor asks him if he would like a printout of his medical history to take with him to his so-called second opinion. Chad points out that he didn't give them a medical history. The doctor explains that they analyze in four dimensions, the fourth being time for those of us not aliens or in AP physics in high school. They are able to determine his medical records because each cell has a trace of it. They recite his chicken pox and bronchitis and broken leg and appendicitis. They are incredibly accurate. They say this in such a tone that clearly states: Suck it, Derek Shepherd. Chad doesn't know what to say again. The Executive Assistant reminds Chad that they can fix this for him, but there is a long waiting list...unless. Unless they come to some sort of understanding. We aren't told what the understanding would be, but it can't be good. Chad looks torn. But he always looks like he is standing on the edge of a big dilemma, peering in.
Erica, Ryan, and Father Jack congratulate each other on a job well done. Erica congratulates Father Jack on his right hook.
Up on the ship, Anna happily reports to her Executive Assistant that their plan is beginning to take shape. And Tyler is definitely the one. The one what? The one chuckleheaded dope you could take for a ride in your big motorcycle in the sky? The one who hasn't read Ender's Game? The Executive Assistant rains on her parade: the warehouse where all the R6 was stored has been lost in an explosion. They received a message moments before the building went up in flames: John May Lives. The message has spread to all the ships and there is real fear. Anna takes the news seriously, but she knows how to manage fear. She reminds the connected Visitors that they have her. They have Bliss. She takes off her clothes, steps into a pool of light, kneels, and talks to her minions. It is like praying or meditation and every V who is connected