In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
It's an episode full of sudden, unexplained actions. That can be fun, I guess. Let's run down the, um, rundown.
Cal Hartley suddenly decides to get personally involved in the page-by-page design of the Mode Wedding Issue. Well, that's not that big a surprise, but even though he was responsible for Wilhelmina being kept on at Mode, he immediately starts undermining her authority and getting Claire to back him up. I think he's just messing with them on general principle. And then Cal makes Claire a Vice President of Meade, which I just find baffling, since I was pretty sure she was already one of the owners. Is Cal just personally in charge of the whole company now?
Meanwhile, Y.E.T.I. has phased back into existence as a random generator of plot challenges, and Marc, Betty and Matt have to write a feature article about Music and Physical Sciences. This is important because there's a Hiring Freeze on at Mode, which means that the promotions that Marc and Betty have suddenly decided that they've always wanted can only be achieved by writing an awesome feature article. But Matt's more interested in watching hilarious YouTube videos with Amanda because he's suddenly feeling less interested in magazines in general. So they set up a photo shoot with a famous singer at the planetarium and then Betty and Matt have a big fight.
Daniel decides he wants to marry Molly, who hasn't been on the show in awhile. And they want a huge expensive wedding at the last second, even though they're supposedly trying to conserve money. I mean, if you were told by your boss, who owned the company, that you couldn't even be considered for a promotion because of a hiring freeze, how would you feel if he then asked you to arrange for a lavish, over-the-top ceremony? Well, it's a good thing that Betty has this planetarium that's all full of models and tacos, so Daniel and Molly get married right then.
And then Matt brings Adele to the party so the photo shoot can take place after all while she sings for the party. The feature goes over great with Bernadette Peters, who seems quite taken with Marc.
And Ignacio decides he wants to marry Elena, who was thinking of going off to Chula Vista or something. I'm pretty sure that's always a mistake. Now I'm going to be in some sort of feud with the residents of Chula Vista, I just know it. No offense, Chula Vista! I'm a former San Diegan myself. Anyway, Elena is going there to go learn to be a better nurse or something.
Oh, one more suddenly: that's how Molly dies, as Daniel is packing for their honeymoon to Bora Bora.
Also, I think Amanda has decided that her new catchphrase is "Heeeeeeeeyyyy."
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vlogger Sean Crespo thinks America Ferrara is too pretty to play "Ugly Betty" in No Prior Knowledge!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!We kick off this episode with Suzuki St. Pierre, who's been banished back to his green-screen. Suzuki reminds us that Cal Hartley has made everything All Right Forever at Meade, and that means that Betty gets to be shown on Fashion Television (or whatever Suzuki's show is called) eating a donut. At home in Queens, Justin is appalled. Betty, sitting to him and eating what appears to be the same donut, is defensive.
The kitchen is full of Suarezes, plus Matt and Nurse Elena. Betty exposits that today is her Annual Performance Review, and she's going to ask for a promotion to Editor. Well, that seems both unexpected and completely irrelevant to your current job, Betty. But good luck, I guess. And Matt points out that when Betty finishes her Y.E.T.I. final project, she'll get some job interviews. Then he makes a strained analogy to Manny Ramirez last winter, who allegedly had options. None of the Suarezes get the reference. That's weird. They all knew who Alex Rodriguez was last episode. Well, except for Justin. Anyway, it's not a very good reference, because the only team that seemed at all interested in signing Manny last winter was the Dodgers. If other teams were beating down his door, we certainly didn't hear about it.
...Okay, see the way you're staring at the screen? That mixture of incomprehension and irritation is what the Suarezes are giving Matt. I think the line was only there to remind us that he works for a sports magazine. Ignacio gives Matt some food, and as Betty walks past the screen with a plate of donuts (yum!) Hilda knocks Elena's purse off a chair. When she picks it up, she sees a letter that Elena has received from the Chula Vista School of Nursing. In case you're wondering, Chula Vista is in Extremely Southern California, squeezed in between San Diego and the Mexican Border. Hilda looks worried.
It's time for Betty's review, so we cut to Daniel's office. He grades her as "excellent" in several categories, including Punctuality and Initiative. While that's going on, Wilhelmina is doing the same for Marc, although she's giving him a grudging "adequate. Marc is delighted with this, and starts to suggest something with "I was hoping in light of my recent adequacy..." He's like Bill McNeal bragging about his adequatulence. ("Not a word!" "It is now!") It turns out both Marc and Betty want the same thing: to receive promotions to editor. But Cal Hartley has insisted on a Hiring Freeze, which apparently also applies to promotions. So unless someone leaves the company, no one can change jobs, and everyone just got hired back. So Betty and Marc walk sadly back to their desks.
Another way that Betty and Marc are being paired up in this episode is that Marc is wearing some absolutely ridiculous outfits. He's got an orange vest and silly pants. They're more than "silly", but I'm afraid I don't have the fashion vocabulary to accurately convey the yellow-and-black horror that is enveloping his legs.
Marc and Betty look at each other sadly.
In Queens, Hilda confronts Elena with the letter from Chula Vista, because Hilda is angry that Elena is suddenly looking for a Nurse Educator position on the other side of the country. Elena tries to complain about Hilda opening her mail and reading it, but doesn't get much traction. Hilda's more interested in shouting about Elena leaving Ignacio and thinking Chula Vista is an entirely different country. So she tells Elena to tell Ignacio, or she will.
Mode. Wili is in a meeting finalizing plans for the Mode Bridal Issue, which will apparently revolve around black dresses. Cal shows up unexpectedly, claiming that an earthquake in Siberia has meant that there are too many bodies lying around to have a successful motorcycle race, so he has nothing better to do than meddle in Mode. He grabs a prominently positioned Cherry 7-Up and then starts making changes to Wili's layout. For example, he feels that the dresses aren't popping and should be separated by a full-page ad for Cherry 7-Up. And as Marc assures Wili that he has pictures of her original layout, Cal starts telling them how clever the drink ad is. And an extra starts talking about the many health benefits of drinking the stuff. It's pretty intrusive, but it's not so intrusive that it's definitely a joke.
Cal suggests that maybe a reshoot is in order, and Wili starts explaining the whole idea and Cal acerbically says, "You don't have to take my ideas. Of course, you did take my money." Just then Claire shows up and complains that their meeting is running long, and that she booked this conference room for a Hot Flash meeting. Wili just started her meeting one paragraph ago! Cal calls Claire over to weigh in on the black-bridal-dress concept, and Claire feels that black in a fashion magazine is just as cliche as the white wedding dress was to begin with, but maybe colors are the way to go. Cal assigns her to "work with" Wilhelmina to come up with a new angle. Didn't Cal say, just last episode, that he insisted on Wilhelmina keeping her position as Mode Co-Editor-in-Chief? So why is he undermining her? And why is Claire so delighted at the idea? Shouldn't two editors be enough for this magazine?
Daniel brings Molly (remember Molly? His girlfriend, who's dying of cancer, who used to go out with Connor, the guy who was Meade CFO, went out with Wili and then stole the entire contents of the Meade bank account?) into the offices, telling her there's something funny on the lightboard. Daniel's intercepted by Amanda, who tells him that because she doesn't have a direct supervisor, she's written her own performance review. This distraction means that Molly is unsupervised when she sees a lightboard with a big picture of a ring and a giant sign saying "Will You Marry Me?" Boy, they have giant mockups of their magazine. Anyway, Molly is delighted at being asked to marry her, but it turns out that Daniel was just trying to show her a picture of Paula Abdul yelling at a mailbox. Molly tries to pretend she knew that, but Amanda leans in, emphasizes that Molly definitely thought she was being proposed to, comments on how embarrassing this is, and leaves. Awkward.
Y.E.T.I. meting. Bernadette Peters, who is wearing some kind of leopard-print breast-thrusting top, divides the young Y.E.T.I.-ites into teams of three. Betty, Marc and Matt are a team, although Matt's late. Marc asks if he could change teams, and Bernadette offers to team up with him, if you know what I mean. And if you don't, she makes it very, very clear indeed. Marc is uncomfortable with the idea.
Matt rushes in, telling Betty that he was at an art gallery and lost track of time. Bernadette declares that their final project is to do a photo shoot and feature article for whatever magazine they draw from the Mystery Bag. Betty draws "Music." And then has to draw again, and gets "Physical Sciences," because they have to combine the two. Bernadette explains that she likes to "spice things up." She explains this while once again making Marc uncomfortable and a little confused. As she hands out the rest of the cards, she explains that the Meade Hiring Freeze is duplicated throughout the rest of the industry, so only the winning team will be receiving job interviews. That's weird, but Betty is just as plucky as usual. Bernadette tries to initiate a "group hug," but Marc hastily gets Betty between him and the weird lady.
Incidentally, I'd like to take this commercial break to apologize for calling her "Bernadette Peters" all the time. I realize her character has a name, but I can't remember what it is off the top of my head. I further realize I could look it up, but I'm not sure you'd remember it was Bernadette Peters I was talking about. So what the heck. Also, I would like to complain about the 7-Up ad currently on my TV screen.
We're back! Betty, Marc and Matt are brainstorming in the apartment that Amanda and Marc are subletting from Betty. Betty claims that this will be "easy-squeezy", and Marc wants to focus on the visuals because words are boring. Matt suggests that since astronomy is a physical science and there's a jazz club nearby, they could shoot a band playing telescopes instead of instruments. That sounds weird. Marc hates it. Betty suggests U2 on a space shuttle, which Matt thinks isn't all that easy-squeezy. Amanda turns out to be on the couch watching YouTube clips, and Matt rushes over to watch one. Betty and Marc continue to bounce ideas off each other. Betty suggests using the planetarium, and Marc thinks they could use the laser light show, but with someone current instead of '70s. But they can still style their current music star with '70s Glam Rock. Betty is inspired and starts making stuff up: "The article could be about how we search to be connected in this vast universe, and music unites us." Marc thinks it sounds good, albeit incomprehensible. Betty starts working on the logistics, and Marc starts working the phones, claiming that he's only "five degrees of gay separation" from anyone. On the couch, Amanda and Matt are in hysterics, which makes Marc worried about Matt's investment in the project. But Matt says he knows someone at the planetarium, so Marc is mollified. Betty wants to talk specifics, but Matt and Amanda have to finish watching the Dramatic Gopher first.
Mode offices. Both Betty and Marc are hard at work on their extracurricular project instead of their jobs. Betty calls Marc to report that she's got James Boyd (or someone whose name sounds similar to that) for the photographer and her father to do the catering. Marc can get the New York Hall of Science, because they haven't heard from Matt to confirm the planetarium, but before Betty can start protesting, Marc has to take a call from Amanda. Amanda starts her calls with "Heeeeeeeeee-ey," it turns out. Amanda wants to play the game where they leave Betty on hold forever, but Marc hangs up on her and goes back to Betty. Marc doesn't think they can count on Matt. They've got only four days to do this. Betty is interrupted with a call, but it's just Amanda and her "Heeeeeeeeee-ey" again. Amanda's boredom will not be relieved, because Betty hangs up on her and goes back to defending Matt. Upshot: Betty thinks Matt's invested in this, but Marc wants to throw Matt out of the group, the way the Fine Dining/Automobiles group did with one of their slackers.
Daniel's office. He's telling his mother he can't decide on a ring to give Molly, because it should be expensive but not showy. Meaningful music plays as Claire gives her ring to Daniel, saying "When the time is right, you give that to Molly." Daniel walks out onto an amazing balcony I don't think I've ever noticed before and proposes to Molly while Betty (who walked into the office a second ago) and Claire watch. Daniel and Molly kiss.
Queens. Hilda is gushing about how romantic it is: "Now when Molly is losing her hair, Daniel has no choice but to stay by her side." That's a weird line, but I'm going to chalk it up to Hilda being a salon owner and consequently seeing the world in terms of hair. Ignacio comes home and is sad about Elena's possible departure for Chula Vista. Betty thinks he should give Elena a reason to stay. Justin quotes that noted social scientist Beyonce: "If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it." He, Hilda and Betty all do the hand gesture at the same time, which I enjoy. Ignacio points out that they didn't like Elena before, but now everyone thinks they should get married. Everyone is happy.
The Manhattan apartment. Marc is excited because "Ohmygod, you are not gonna believe it. Two-time Grammy Award winning English songbird Adele agreed to do our shoot!" Sadly, even with that detailed introduction, I still don't know who Adele is. But that's more a description of me and my listening habits than Adele, who I am assured is an actual singer, and one who many people enjoy. Betty is giddy as well. Marc describes the way he got her, which involves a chain of people and the phrases "cardio-strip class," "a mall elf with David Sedaris," "Kevin Bacon" and "Rachel Maddow". Matt takes this moment to mention that he couldn't actually get the planetarium, and Marc threatens him. Then he calls for a "sidebar", which turns out to mean that he and Betty will be standing in the bathtub that's in the middle of the kitchen and pulling the shower curtain around them.
Marc: "It is too late. Lives are at stake. We are voting him off the island. He is the weakest link. Auf Wiedersehen! That's it! G'bye! He's fired!" Matt points out that he can hear them, but Marc was doing that on purpose. Betty doesn't want to fire Matt, so she starts talking about how it's really important to her and Marc, but Matt just doesn't seem to care. Matt tells her she's right and leaves. What a jerk.
Betty chases after Matt in the hallway, and he says that he's "losing his passion for publishing." He wants to leave Y.E.T.I., because he's been feeling drawn to art. Get it? Drawn? Art? Oh, never mind. the point is, he wants to become an oil painter. Betty thinks this is kind of sudden, but Matt thinks maybe he just got on the wrong path and should start taking night classes. Betty claims to support him 100%, which he appreciates, because his family doesn't always support him.
Mode offices. Betty is talking to Daniel about how weird this is. Daniel figures that publishing isn't the only thing she likes about him, and that he'll be the same guy. So Betty shrugs off the sudden personality change. Marc cuts in to tell Betty that the New York Hall of Science has shut down his advances, leaving them with no venue for the photo shoot. Betty is concerned: "What are we gonna do? We can't just paint stars in your apartment and call it the planetarium. I mean, this is Adele. Not Amy Winehouse." That's funny, I guess, but at least I've heard of Amy Winehouse.
Just then, as Marc is deciding to kill himself, Betty gets a call from the planetarium. They're in! They get ready to go sign the papers, but Wili's having some kind of fit, so Marc decides to stay.
Wilhelmina and Claire are shouting at each other about a pink wedding dress. Wili thinks the model looks like a baboon's ass. When Claire tells the model that Wili didn't mean it, Wili tells her, "Don't talk to the props. Amateur." Marc tries to give Claire a scone to calm things down, but won't let the model have one. The insults get harsher until Claire tells Wili that it's no wonder she wants brides in black dresses because she killed her groom at the altar. A gaggle of extras is appalled, and Marc hustles them out of the line of fire while Wili and Claire are playing tug-of-war with the model.
Daniel and Molly are sitting with a wedding planner, who recommends that Daniel give her anything she wants. Molly wants a wedding outside on the beach in Bora Bora with tacos and margaritas and a band with everyone dancing. The planner thinks this is all fine, but claims a wedding like this will take eight or nine months to organize. Daniel wants it done faster, and damn the expense! This is where I think he's being a little insensitive to his loyal assistant, who has saved his bacon (not to mention his company) several times and just wants to be an editor. No money for you, Betty, but I'm going to go have a massive wedding in Bora Bora?
New set: the Planetarium. Or so I assume from all the orbs hanging from the ceiling. Betty walks through the big, weird room and I wonder why they don't have an office or something. Then Christina Baranski (Matt's mother, who hated Betty last time they met) enters dramatically, to the sound of Also Sprach Zarathustra. If it's good enough for Ric Flair, it's good enough for Ugly Betty. Come to think of it, when Amanda was watching YouTube videos on the couch, she was using a big, fuzzy blanket that could well have been one of Flair's robes.
Matt's mother explains to Betty that she blackmailed her friend Bitsy to get her this opportunity. Then, with a comment about Betty's "adult braces", she shows her a slide show they made for an intervention. Matt is seen nearly completing a marathon, collecting a brown (not black) belt in karate, making a pot, standing with a cow (remember that time he said he was nearly a large animal vet?) and allegedly killing an elephant named "Tiny". The point of this is to employ Betty's "plucky immigrant zeal" and get Matt to finish something for once in his life. All she wants is for Betty to get Matt to participate in the final project. When Betty declines, Matt's mother says that she hopes she enjoys the use of the planetarium and throws in an ominous "it'd be such a shame if anything went wrong." Betty looks suspicious.
Mode offices. Marc tells Betty that obviously it's a threat. He doesn't seem interested in her moral dilemma or her relationship and emphasizes to her that they're out of options at Mode (well, for the moment. Sometimes you can't get a promotion the same week you decide you want one, you know?) and that they need Matt in order to get the venue. Finally he tells her to "Make it work," even though he'd already used a Project Runway quote in their sidebar in the bathtub.
Back in Queens, Ignacio is serving some food to Elena, but spills it all over her because he's nervous. He pours his heart out to her, telling her that he thinks they have a future together and doesn't want her to move to Chula Vista. He asks her to marry him, and she eventually kisses him and says yes.
Mode cafeteria. Matt has some big books of art. She tries to convince him to finish Y.E.T.I. on the theory that there's only one week left and his art classes don't even start until after that. He says she sounds like his mother but admits that it was a little selfish to not care about Betty and Marc. Betty looks a little conflicted about making her jackass boyfriend not screw her career over. I realize I was making fun of this alleged career plan earlier, but that doesn't mean Matt isn't being a jerk.
The planetarium is full of people in silly funk/glam outfits. Matt is taking an interest and making sure that lights don't strobe. Marc introduces Betty to Dave Sheehan, Adele's manager. Betty is excited to meet him, but Dave is unhappy about this nonsense. Matt's mother surprises Matt and pretends to have been having lunch with Bitsy, who was drunkenly babbling about Matt being here. Matt is downcast and suspicious about his mother's pride and happiness. He watches her leave and sees her clearly thank Betty. When he confronts Betty, we cut away to the Mode offices.
Daniel is looking at something neat when Molly walks up. "Oh, perfect timing!" says Daniel, although it sounds more like he's saying "Oh, Perfect Tommy!" I guess it's an unlikely spot for a Buckaroo Banzai reference, though. Daniel and Molly are getting a walkthrough of a wedding gift guide from an emphatically guy gentleman who is pointedly unhappy about not being allowed to get married himself. He also keeps talking about how long they'll be married and how they should make long-term plans. Molly freaks out about this, because she's dying.
Queens. Ignacio answers the phone, which is a call for Elena. He offers to take a message. Then he looks serious and says he'll be sure to ask her.
Wilhelmina and Claire walk into Cal Hartley's office. Wili tells him that she runs the top fashion magazine in the world, while Claire runs an insert. Wili claims that she avoids three "C"s: Collaboration, Compromise and Claire. "And trust me, I chose the nice 'C' there." Claire admits that Wili's right. Although she liked her own idea better, the spread will never get done with both of them on it. Cal takes Claire off the project, which makes me wonder just how much of the company he now owns. It also makes me wonder if maybe Daniel, who's supposedly half in charge of the magazine, might want to take an interest at some point.
The Betty-Matt confrontation takes place while Betty is adjusting leather straps on crazy-looking guys who I initially took for mannequins. They don't look as cool as Heinrich's Pain Fashion, but I admit that I'd be interested in a band that looked like this. Matt's angry that Betty may have gotten him to rejoin Y.E.T.I. just so she could use the planetarium. That's the planetarium that he originally claimed he could deliver, right? Just checking. Betty admits that she did watch the slide show, and Matt claims that Tiny never died. He never killed that elephant! Matt says that he changes things a lot because he likes challenges and then gets angry at Betty. When she says he starts things he doesn't finish, his answer of "Oh, what? Like a Y.E.T.I. project?" is impressively contemptuous. Matt claims to have changed his mind about caring about this project, and Betty asks if that means he'll change his mind about the two of them, too. There's a good crack in her voice there.
Marc interrupts the shouting match to tell them that Adele's manager has declared this photo shoot "amateur hour" (which it technically is, although I can't help but notice that they've got an awful lot of people there, what with the professional models and makeup people and lighting -- I wonder where they got the money for all this) and pulled Adele. Marc goes with his only other option and calls Jody (that's Bernadette Peters) and puts on his butch voice as he asks her out for a beer and straight porn. Matt sulks off.
After some commercials, Daniel comes by to check on things. Betty recaps the situation: no Adele, no Matt, no relationship, no career future. Daniel tells her that Molly cancelled the wedding and that the hotel was booked until winter. He wishes he could just forget all the complications and marry her right now. Betty suggests that he do it right here. They've got a venue, a photographer, a variety of wedding gowns at Mode, and tacos are coming. Tacos! Molly wanted tacos! And stars! Since the Y.E.T.I. project is torpedoed anyway, why not? Daniel goes off to get Molly, and Betty appears excited about at least having something to do.
Now there's a great exterior shot of the planetarium. That place looks amazing! They don't even need to be inside it, if you ask me. You could get a great astronomy-themed photo shoot just by setting up where the cameraman is standing when he got this shot. Although I think there are more stars in the sky than is strictly realistic for a New York-based shot.
Daniel and Molly say their vows as a crazy-dressed model with a white fright-wig officiates. Claire is suspicious about whether this is legally binding, but Betty assures her that she was ordained before becoming a model. We'll just assume that all the other traditional requirements for a wedding have magically been taken care of. They are pronounced husband and wife in the name of New York and the Supreme Ministry of Exelon 4. Kiss! Confetti! Applause! Reception!
Claire finds Wilhelmina, who congratulates her on "finally marrying off your man-whore." Claire tells Wili that Cal liked that Claire put the magazine ahead of her own ego and made her Senior Vice President of Meade. Claire, you're already the owner of Meade! Reporting directly to Cal is a demotion. You already had a say in all Meade Publications! This is the stupidest plot twist ever.
Wili stomps off, shoving a huge seminaked male alien out of the way. It's okay, he immediately gets consoled by Amanda. And it's one of those full-body consolations, too. Wili goes behind a window and screams and smashes some planets. I bet that's fun. Also expensive.
Music starts up and people are dancing. Betty, for example, is dancing with Daniel when Matt asks to cut in. He warns her that if he steps on her toes, it's because he's not a very good dancer. She says that if she steps on his toes, it's because she's still mad at him. That's fair. He claims he wants the same thing that Betty wants, which is to find something he's passionate about. Then he steps on her foot. Suddenly Adele shows up. I know it's Adele, because Betty shrieks "Oh my god! It's Adele!" She's here for the photo shoot, and for the foot massage that Marc promised her that I think I forgot to mention. Matt explains that he's not committed to publishing, but that he is committed to Adele. So he got Adele to come. Somehow.
Ignacio and Elena. She tells him that she guesses they're , and she doesn't look too excited. He gives her a plane ticket (how does he know when she wants to leave) and tells her the job is a great opportunity, and that he's still committed to her. She claims they'll still see each other and have a long-distance relationship. Road trip! season, Ugly Betty goes to Chula Vista for an episode!
Adele is on stage, singing. The song is, in fact, pretty catchy. She is not all glammed up the way they said they were going to do her. On the other hand, she was just here for a photo shoot, so she's being a pretty good sport to sing a song at all. Within the context of the show, I mean. In real life, this is just better product placement than that Cherry 7-Up nonsense from earlier. I'll tell you this: I'm more interested in buying an Adele album than I am in drinking Cherry 7-Up.
Bernadette Peters (or, if you must, "Jody") is going over the team's project. Matt's there, which I guess is okay. It contains a couple getting married, space aliens, Wili smashing planets and Adele. She loves both the photos and Betty's article. She declares them the winners and the future of publishing, adding "it's completely due to your work. It has nothing to do with anything extracurricular one of you may have done last night." Marc looks embarrassed. Betty owes him, if you ask me. Marc tries to extract himself by saying that he's going to a singalong, which is supposed to be a clue that he's gay. Jody does not take the hint. She loves singalongs!
Molly's apartment. Daniel is packing for Bora Bora. He thinks she's putting a lot of faith in him, but as she says, "It's our honeymoon. Who needs clothes?" She laughs and ducks into the bathroom. Daniel asks if she needs any sunscreen, but she doesn't answer. Because she has suddenly died in the bathroom. Daniel panics and we pull back.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vlogger Sean Crespo thinks America Ferrara is too pretty to play "Ugly Betty" in No Prior Knowledge!
Recently on Monty on Movie Novelizations: the hilarious novelization of Star Trek: The Motion Picture. Not the one that just happened. The first one. You can email Monty at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.