Episode Report Card Monty Ashley: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Tying Up Loose Ends
By Monty Ashley | Season 3 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.07.2009
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Daniel's presentation to Cal Hartley is interrupted by Christina's kidnapping of Baby William because she's convinced that she's the real mother. And it turns out she is, because Wili faked the DNA results. And when they flee, they go straight to the Suarez residence, where Hilda is all atwitter because Congressman Archie is running for President of the Borough. The point is that there are television cameras around the place, so it wasn't the ideal place.
Claire helps Betty set up an illicit DNA test, but Marc is an adept eavesdropped and sets up a police ambush. The next thing you know, Christina and Stuart are in a police car and everyone is sad. Archie recommends fighting dirty, which Betty isn't very good at. But she acts all spunky and determined until Wili gives in. Because spunky determined spunkiness is what she does.
So what's Wilhelmina going to do now that she's not the mother of an official Meade? Well, she's going to make sure that Cal Hartley knows what kind of a backstabbing, throatcutting go-getter she is. So he keeps her around as a requirement of his getting involved.
So: Baby William goes with Christina and Stuart, which is good because the show had no idea what to do with a baby around. And Christina takes him back to Scotland, because the show also has no idea what to do with a character who's nice but boring. And we're left with the Evil Wilhelmina still installed at Mode, which is something the show definitely knows how to use.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Welcome to New York! Specifically, welcome to a bar called "McBurney's," where Christina is throwing darts at a picture of Wilhelmina Slater, and showing impressive aim. Betty's concerned that it isn't a healthy way for Christina to work through her feelings about Wili, but Christina calmly and rationally explains that the real Wilhelmina moves too quickly to throw darts at. Betty exposits that Christina has been missing work and that Betty's been covering for her. And as you might imagine, Betty's terrible at that job. Betty natters at her for awhile and encourages her to come back to work, because there will be a coconut cake and no one but Christina even likes coconut. Then Stuart and some other guy start playing a proper game of darts, although I don't think they took Wilhelmina's picture off the dartboard. Betty and Christina toast to best friends.
When Betty comes home, Hilda and Congressman Archie say they have an announcement. Ignacio jumps to the conclusion that they're getting married. And when that's not the case, he assumes Hilda's pregnant. I can understand why he'd expect some sort of a plot twist, but it seems like the people he lives with are more likely to rush in and tell him that they've just declared war on China or have to hide out from the members of Menudo or something. He should aim higher, is what I'm saying. Or crazier. Anyway, the actual announcement is that Archie's running for President. Of the Borough of Queens. There's some mild excitement, although Justin doesn't want to wear the "Vote Archie Rodriguez" shirt, which has as its campaign slogan "An A-Rod you can believe in!" Everyone approves the cleverness of that line, except for Justin, who doesn't get it. I believe the joke there is that Justin is too gay to know anything about sports figures, but I believe Alex Rodriguez is appreciated by a wide cross-section of the public. Plus, did you see that picture he took for his interview in Details? Archie says that a local news station is going to do a feature on him tomorrow and he wants Hilda to be in it. Hilda is gleeful and starts speculating on what it will be like to be First Lady. Justin thinks Hilda's wardrobe should be classier, and Betty offers to send over some stuff from Mode's Closet. Hilda quite likes this idea, and it doesn't look like she plans to return the clothes when she's done.
We whoosh over to the Meade offices and Christina is still not around. Betty is worried about her, and also about the fate of her coconut cake. Via the magic of mobile phones, we learn that Hilda received the clothes Betty sent over. Betty answers the Closet Phone and covers for the missing Christina. It seems to me that the Closet is packed full of people. Even though most of them are just rearranging shoes, it seems like someone would notice that Christina wasn't there. How much time can Betty spend covering for someone in an entirely different department?
In the Mode conference room, Daniel is running around panicking about Cal Hartley's imminent arrival, which will be at 11:00 am. He points out the omelet bar to Betty, who has just arrived with a cardboard box full of things like Fourth-Quarter Projections. They're not fancy enough for Daniel, but Betty assures him that everything will be fine. Daniel is worried that Cal doesn't respect him, and that nothing is official until Cal signs. Wili rolls in carrying Baby William and orders some extras to lower a television that Daniel just had them raise. Betty makes faces at William, and vague crying noises appear on the soundtrack. Wili makes Daniel take William on the grounds of them being half-brothers, and explains to Betty that William is here because Cal likes babies. "It's human nature," she explains. "You put one in your arms and you turn into a grinning idiot. Like that," waving at Daniel. Marc rolls in, wearing a ridiculous purple-and-black leopard-spotted polo shirt (or something) with a red tie arbitrarily added to it. And people complain about the way Betty dresses? Wili spots a loose button on the baby sweater and sends Marc down to the Closet to have Christina fix it. Betty wrenches the baby garment out of Marc's hands and rushes down herself.
We learn that Betty can't sew on a button without hurting herself, when Christina shows up, claiming to be both bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. She insists on doing whatever Betty was working on, and is a little deflated when she learns that it's baby clothes, because that means William must be on the premises.
It's 11:00. The whole crew, including Claire, walks to the elevator in a big, intimidating, welcoming mass. As the mass passes Amanda's desk, she looks curious and then rushes up to join it. Unfortunately, when the elevator finally opens, it's just a delivery guy. Everyone looks really disappointed, although Betty waves to him and tells him he's on the wrong floor. As the elevator door closes, Cal comes out of a different elevator.
Cal looks cheerfully at the mass as Daniel welcomes him to the office. "Thanks, Bunny!" he says, somewhat deflating Daniel. He kisses Betty on the cheek, and we learn that he and Claire have known each other for years. When Wilhelmina introduces herself, he says "Damn, this is an attractive staff!" Everyone laughs a little and thanks him. Especially Amanda, who has pushed her way to the front of the crowd. When Daniel tries to direct Cal to the omelet bar, Wili makes a big deal out of going off to check on her baby. Cal gets enthusiastic, because he loves babies. The mass goes off, leaving Daniel, Claire, and Betty behind to exchange glances.
On the way to Wili's office, Amanda enthuses about Cal. "Daddy Morebucks is kind of old. And hot!" Go get 'em, Amanda.
When Cal gets to Wili's office, he discovers no baby. The little baby bed has nothing in it but a large vase. "Oh my god!" soap-operas Wilhelmina. "My baby's gone!
Wilhelmina is freaking out. Betty runs off to call security, but she actually goes down to the Closet to tell Christina. And Wili is right behind her, with the police. She directs them to arrest "that ungrateful foreign woman", and then has to clarify that she means the white one. Christina protests her innocence, and Wili says that no one will be leaving until they speak to the police. That includes Betty, but that's not really all that dramatic when you remember that Betty doesn't know anything and isn't under any particular suspicion.
Police put Crime Scene tape around Wili's office. And as we pan over to the left, we hear "Breaking news! Today's hot color is Amber. As in Alert!" Yay! It's Suzuki St. Pierre, and he's on set! And he's trying to interview Amanda, but she says she'll only speak on the condition of unanimty. Suzuki verifies that she means "anonymity", and points out she's already on television where everyone can see her. That doesn't bother her (and she winks, which as you know, I strongly approve of), and Suzuki just ends the interview and stomps off to the omelet bar. Yum!
Daniel and Claire enter the scene, while behind them some models use their cellphones to take pictures of the crime scene. Claire thinks that maybe Wili did it herself. Daniel tells Cal that Betty can reschedule the meeting, but Cal's getting on a plane to Moscow the next morning, so they have to lock things down right now.
A bunch of guys with "CSI" on their jackets are dusting Wili's office for prints, which is where the design decision to have every surface be clean, reflective, and unmarred by gewgaws really pays off. I always think that the Mode offices look like they'd pick up fingerprints really easily. Somebody is grilling Betty about whether Christina might be involved. Betty protests that Christina loves the baby more than anyone, but for some reason the officer doesn't take that to mean that she'd be less likely to steal it. Betty assures him that Christina was in the Closet the whole time and there's no way she would ever do something like this.
Betty roars into the Closet and gets a call from Hilda, who's complaining because Archie thought the Mode dresses were too fancy. There's a Sarah Palin joke, but Betty has no time. She hangs up and runs up to Amanda, who is also dressed much more comically than usual. Amanda is of the opinion that when she marries Cal, that will make her Betty's mother. Betty insists on talking about the plot (boring!) and Amanda eventually admits to having seen Christina leaving the building. Betty rushes off.
Outside Meade Publications, Betty chases after Christina, who has parked around the corner (impressive!) and is saying goodbye to Stuart. Christina seems a little freaked out, and Betty is worried about Christina driving. Christina asks Betty to go back to work, but Betty gets into the car with her. A policeman comes out of the building, Christina starts the car, and finally, Betty notices the baby in the car. Took her long enough. Have you ever noticed how quiet television