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Daniel's presentation to Cal Hartley is interrupted by Christina's kidnapping of Baby William because she's convinced that she's the real mother. And it turns out she is, because Wili faked the DNA results. And when they flee, they go straight to the Suarez residence, where Hilda is all atwitter because Congressman Archie is running for President of the Borough. The point is that there are television cameras around the place, so it wasn't the ideal place.
Claire helps Betty set up an illicit DNA test, but Marc is an adept eavesdropped and sets up a police ambush. The thing you know, Christina and Stuart are in a police car and everyone is sad. Archie recommends fighting dirty, which Betty isn't very good at. But she acts all spunky and determined until Wili gives in. Because spunky determined spunkiness is what she does.
So what's Wilhelmina going to do now that she's not the mother of an official Meade? Well, she's going to make sure that Cal Hartley knows what kind of a backstabbing, throatcutting go-getter she is. So he keeps her around as a requirement of his getting involved.
So: Baby William goes with Christina and Stuart, which is good because the show had no idea what to do with a baby around. And Christina takes him back to Scotland, because the show also has no idea what to do with a character who's nice but boring. And we're left with the Evil Wilhelmina still installed at Mode, which is something the show definitely knows how to use.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Welcome to New York! Specifically, welcome to a bar called "McBurney's," where Christina is throwing darts at a picture of Wilhelmina Slater, and showing impressive aim. Betty's concerned that it isn't a healthy way for Christina to work through her feelings about Wili, but Christina calmly and rationally explains that the real Wilhelmina moves too quickly to throw darts at. Betty exposits that Christina has been missing work and that Betty's been covering for her. And as you might imagine, Betty's terrible at that job. Betty natters at her for awhile and encourages her to come back to work, because there will be a coconut cake and no one but Christina even likes coconut. Then Stuart and some other guy start playing a proper game of darts, although I don't think they took Wilhelmina's picture off the dartboard. Betty and Christina toast to best friends.
When Betty comes home, Hilda and Congressman Archie say they have an announcement. Ignacio jumps to the conclusion that they're getting married. And when that's not the case, he assumes Hilda's pregnant. I can understand why he'd expect some sort of a plot twist, but it seems like the people he lives with are more likely to rush in and tell him that they've just declared war on China or have to hide out from the members of Menudo or something. He should aim higher, is what I'm saying. Or crazier. Anyway, the actual announcement is that Archie's running for President. Of the Borough of Queens. There's some mild excitement, although Justin doesn't want to wear the "Vote Archie Rodriguez" shirt, which has as its campaign slogan "An A-Rod you can believe in!" Everyone approves the cleverness of that line, except for Justin, who doesn't get it. I believe the joke there is that Justin is too gay to know anything about sports figures, but I believe Alex Rodriguez is appreciated by a wide cross-section of the public. Plus, did you see that picture he took for his interview in Details? Archie says that a local news station is going to do a feature on him tomorrow and he wants Hilda to be in it. Hilda is gleeful and starts speculating on what it will be like to be First Lady. Justin thinks Hilda's wardrobe should be classier, and Betty offers to send over some stuff from Mode's Closet. Hilda quite likes this idea, and it doesn't look like she plans to return the clothes when she's done.
We whoosh over to the Meade offices and Christina is still not around. Betty is worried about her, and also about the fate of her coconut cake. Via the magic of mobile phones, we learn that Hilda received the clothes Betty sent over. Betty answers the Closet Phone and covers for the missing Christina. It seems to me that the Closet is packed full of people. Even though most of them are just rearranging shoes, it seems like someone would notice that Christina wasn't there. How much time can Betty spend covering for someone in an entirely different department?
In the Mode conference room, Daniel is running around panicking about Cal Hartley's imminent arrival, which will be at 11:00 am. He points out the omelet bar to Betty, who has just arrived with a cardboard box full of things like Fourth-Quarter Projections. They're not fancy enough for Daniel, but Betty assures him that everything will be fine. Daniel is worried that Cal doesn't respect him, and that nothing is official until Cal signs. Wili rolls in carrying Baby William and orders some extras to lower a television that Daniel just had them raise. Betty makes faces at William, and vague crying noises appear on the soundtrack. Wili makes Daniel take William on the grounds of them being half-brothers, and explains to Betty that William is here because Cal likes babies. "It's human nature," she explains. "You put one in your arms and you turn into a grinning idiot. Like that," waving at Daniel. Marc rolls in, wearing a ridiculous purple-and-black leopard-spotted polo shirt (or something) with a red tie arbitrarily added to it. And people complain about the way Betty dresses? Wili spots a loose button on the baby sweater and sends Marc down to the Closet to have Christina fix it. Betty wrenches the baby garment out of Marc's hands and rushes down herself.
We learn that Betty can't sew on a button without hurting herself, when Christina shows up, claiming to be both bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. She insists on doing whatever Betty was working on, and is a little deflated when she learns that it's baby clothes, because that means William must be on the premises.
It's 11:00. The whole crew, including Claire, walks to the elevator in a big, intimidating, welcoming mass. As the mass passes Amanda's desk, she looks curious and then rushes up to join it. Unfortunately, when the elevator finally opens, it's just a delivery guy. Everyone looks really disappointed, although Betty waves to him and tells him he's on the wrong floor. As the elevator door closes, Cal comes out of a different elevator.
Cal looks cheerfully at the mass as Daniel welcomes him to the office. "Thanks, Bunny!" he says, somewhat deflating Daniel. He kisses Betty on the cheek, and we learn that he and Claire have known each other for years. When Wilhelmina introduces herself, he says "Damn, this is an attractive staff!" Everyone laughs a little and thanks him. Especially Amanda, who has pushed her way to the front of the crowd. When Daniel tries to direct Cal to the omelet bar, Wili makes a big deal out of going off to check on her baby. Cal gets enthusiastic, because he loves babies. The mass goes off, leaving Daniel, Claire, and Betty behind to exchange glances.
On the way to Wili's office, Amanda enthuses about Cal. "Daddy Morebucks is kind of old. And hot!" Go get 'em, Amanda.
When Cal gets to Wili's office, he discovers no baby. The little baby bed has nothing in it but a large vase. "Oh my god!" soap-operas Wilhelmina. "My baby's gone!
Wilhelmina is freaking out. Betty runs off to call security, but she actually goes down to the Closet to tell Christina. And Wili is right behind her, with the police. She directs them to arrest "that ungrateful foreign woman", and then has to clarify that she means the white one. Christina protests her innocence, and Wili says that no one will be leaving until they speak to the police. That includes Betty, but that's not really all that dramatic when you remember that Betty doesn't know anything and isn't under any particular suspicion.
Police put Crime Scene tape around Wili's office. And as we pan over to the left, we hear "Breaking news! Today's hot color is Amber. As in Alert!" Yay! It's Suzuki St. Pierre, and he's on set! And he's trying to interview Amanda, but she says she'll only speak on the condition of unanimty. Suzuki verifies that she means "anonymity", and points out she's already on television where everyone can see her. That doesn't bother her (and she winks, which as you know, I strongly approve of), and Suzuki just ends the interview and stomps off to the omelet bar. Yum!
Daniel and Claire enter the scene, while behind them some models use their cellphones to take pictures of the crime scene. Claire thinks that maybe Wili did it herself. Daniel tells Cal that Betty can reschedule the meeting, but Cal's getting on a plane to Moscow the morning, so they have to lock things down right now.
A bunch of guys with "CSI" on their jackets are dusting Wili's office for prints, which is where the design decision to have every surface be clean, reflective, and unmarred by gewgaws really pays off. I always think that the Mode offices look like they'd pick up fingerprints really easily. Somebody is grilling Betty about whether Christina might be involved. Betty protests that Christina loves the baby more than anyone, but for some reason the officer doesn't take that to mean that she'd be less likely to steal it. Betty assures him that Christina was in the Closet the whole time and there's no way she would ever do something like this.
Betty roars into the Closet and gets a call from Hilda, who's complaining because Archie thought the Mode dresses were too fancy. There's a Sarah Palin joke, but Betty has no time. She hangs up and runs up to Amanda, who is also dressed much more comically than usual. Amanda is of the opinion that when she marries Cal, that will make her Betty's mother. Betty insists on talking about the plot (boring!) and Amanda eventually admits to having seen Christina leaving the building. Betty rushes off.
Outside Meade Publications, Betty chases after Christina, who has parked around the corner (impressive!) and is saying goodbye to Stuart. Christina seems a little freaked out, and Betty is worried about Christina driving. Christina asks Betty to go back to work, but Betty gets into the car with her. A policeman comes out of the building, Christina starts the car, and finally, Betty notices the baby in the car. Took her long enough. Have you ever noticed how quiet television
babies are? Baby William makes Rachel's baby on Friends seem like a huge attention hog! Anyway, Christina floors it. Girls on the run! With a stolen baby!
Betty is shocked that Christina could do such a thing, and Christina claims to have just snapped. She also claims that William is clearly her own baby and that Wilhelmina faked the DNA test to hold on to her place at Meade. Yeah, that sounds like Wilhelmina, all right. Just then! A police car appears in the rear-view mirror with its sirens and lights going.
Back to Mode, where Daniel is telling Cal about the positive projections and the Anne Hathaways and Penelope Cruzes they've got lined up for the upcoming covers. He can't concentrate on his presentation, but I think he's got justification, what with Wilhelmina in the room shouting and breaking things while the police roam through the offices and the crime scene tape and all. It's times like this that I bet he wishes his office had regular walls like everywhere else. Finally, Daniel tells Cal that although the deal is extremely important to both him and the company, this is no time for a meeting. Cal reminds him that he said this is the only time he can do this, but then says he'll come in the morning before his flight to Moscow. They shake hands, and that's that.
Back to Christina and Betty and the Policewoman. It's just a missing taillight, but the officer is extremely serious about it. When she goes back to her car, Christina claims that she'd never do anything like this unless she was absolutely sure. Yeah, that's why you're boring. This show needs crazy amoral nutcases running around mixing things up. When the police officer comes back, she asks whose baby it is. Christina says "Mine!" just as Betty does the same thing. Betty tries to cover by saying "Ours!" and putting her hand on Christina's. That's sort of funny, but why couldn't she just keep her fool mouth shut? Christina had things under control. Leave the kidnapping to her. She may not be crazy, but she gets things done. Then Christina and Betty are rousted out of the car for a fake scare while the officer tells them about some safety feature on the car seat. That scene was basically filler. Betty just wants to get somewhere safe so they can decide what to do.
Mode. Suzuki St. Pierre can't read his silly high-tech watch to tell the viewers what hour the Slater-Meade Kidnapping is in. He uses a handy giant television screen (those things are all over the Mode offices) to show what the child of Bradford and Wilhelmina might look like at twenty. It's a hot shirtless guy, which fascinates Suzuki.
It also fascinates Justin, who is watching the proceedings on the Suarez Living Room Television. Hilda turns it off, which prompts protests of "This is my O.J.!" So she sends him to the kitchen, because the TV crew is getting set up. Hilda is delighted that Archie's getting footage shot in her salon, which is good for business. He talks about support for small businesses and all that sort of politician thing. Archie goes to the salon to shoot some footage and Hilda walks into the kitchen just as the television Suzuki asks where the kidnapped baby is. And on cue, Christina and Betty enter with a baby. Now, Hilda doesn't know it's kidnapped, but she leaps to the correct conclusion anyway. "You are kidding me," she says. Poor Hilda actually thought she was going to get her own plot this episode.
Meade Publications security room. Man, even the security room is round and antiseptic. Marc and Wilhelmina are shown in because they have a deal with the security guard to see important footage first. Well, once Marc ponies up a hundred-dollar bill. The footage shows Stuart sneaking down the stairwell with a baby. Marc greets the news that it's Stuart with a "Great Scott!" Also, he's relieved because at least Christina is unlikely to hurt the baby. But Wili is not calmed by this. Why? "If Christina has the baby, then the truth is going to get out." What truth? " I had the DNA test faked. The baby's not mine. It's Christina's." Bum bum BUMMMMMM!
Marc is shocked, but Wili wants to keep his mind on business: if people learn that Baby William isn't a Meade, they'll both be fired and all the scheming will have been for naught. Marc asks who Christina would turn to, and they both realize that the answer is Betty.
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Back in Queens, Justin claims to have called Betty and Christina as the kidnappers and is disappointed that with all this drama, he's not even allowed to tell the Drama Club. Hilda is very angry at Betty and Christina and wants them to get out of the house before the news crew notices. There's some strenuous sneaking and distracting until Hilda maneuvers the news crew and Archie out the door to see the Yield sign that Archie installed as his first act as a Councilman. "Before it was there, there was no yielding! It was chaos!" Heh. So Hilda, Archie, and the news crew leave and Betty and Christina are in the clear. Until Ignacio appears on the stairs, looking down on them diapprovingly.
Hilda comes back into the house and tells Betty that she has done wrong. Betty thinks that maybe she could get another DNA test, but Hilda mocks this idea, suggesting they just "drop by the DNA Pagoda at the mall". Betty admits that she needs help, but who would help a fugitive?
Amanda! No, wait. Amanda's just connecting Betty to Claire, because I guess Betty forgot that she has Claire's direct line. Marc knocks Amanda over ("Ow! My hair!") and eavesdrops on the call, which begins with "Mrs. Meade. I really need your help."
Night. Manhattan. Claire, Betty, Stuart, Christina. Claire has a personal DNA guy she can go to. Just then! The police roar up and slap the cuffs on everybody. Claire starts hyperventilating, which is a nice touch. The police take William away from a protesting Christina.
Coming back from commercial, Betty is explaining the plot to a police officer and attempting to make the case that really, they were just trying to save the police some effort. The cop tells Betty that he knows all that and that she's been free to go for fifteen minutes. The Meades have good lawyers, and Claire drags Betty away to Daniel. Daniel catches us up: Christina's going to jail, and Wilhelmina is not feeling merciful. Claire warns Betty, "Just don't hold your breath. That woman won't give up anything unless you've got something on her." Daniel approaches Wili and wants to take advantage of the DNA facility they're supposedly parked in front of. No dice. "As far as I'm concerned, she can rot in jail."
Betty is trying to be optimistic at Christina and Stuart, who are handcuffed in the back of a police car. Christina gets maudlin. The tinkly piano music helps. The car pulls away.
Wili's place. She's looking fondly at the baby. Marc comes in and looks pretty conflicted about the whole thing. He's not quite willing to tell her that she needs to give William to his actual parents, who seem to like him more than she does, what with her complete reliance on nannies. But he comes pretty close. After he leaves, Wili plays with the baby in a halfhearted fashion (which is half a heart more than she usually has. Zing!) and also looks conflicted.
Suarez house. Betty apologizes to Hilda, who's just glad that Archie didn't know. Archie walks into the kitchen in the middle of this and mentions that he knows everything. As he gets a couple of beers from the refrigerator, he seems pretty casual about the whole thing. Although he's officially against kidnapping, he thinks you have to help your friends and do what's right. He also recommends fighting dirty. Betty looks like this is the first she's ever heard of this thing called "fighting dirty". Not very observant, is she? Where's she been the last few seasons? She looks thoughtful.
Wili opens her front door to see Betty, who claims to know everything. She enters and brandishes a baby blanket, which allegedly has some of William's spit-up on it. Betty threatens a DNA test, which will prove that Christina is the mother and send Wili to jail. Or Wilhelmina can admit it first and everybody will pretend the fake DNA test was a mistake. Wilhelmina pretends to be caught for a moment, but then reveals that she can tell that the stain is strawberry milkshake, which she can tell thanks to her Fashion Editor Powers. Betty gets all spunky and insists that she'll fight and keep on fighting. She tells Wilhelmina it would be easier not to have to lie for the rest of her life, and leaves.
The morning, Wilhelmina is giving a press conference at Mode where she expresses her shock and dismay at learning of the erroneous DNA test. But she had to say something because she couldn't keep the child from his real mother. Suzuki St. Pierre appears again to use a computer to show the revised guess at the twenty-year-old child of "two Scottish people" (using a picture of Ashley Jensen where she looks awesome, by the way; I don't think she's ever been allowed to look that good as Christina). It's an overweight shirtless guy. Suzuki is less impressed.
Betty, Claire, and Daniel exit the elevator together and Claire is wearing an outfit nearly as silly as Betty's. Claire is gleeful that Wilhelmina no longer has shares in the company, and she and Daniel argue over who gets to fire her.
At the meeting room, Cal Hartley is about to sign the papers, but the Meades insist on firing Wilhelmina first. But wait! Cal won't sign if Wili's gone, even though he claimed he was going to be a silent partner. It turns out that Cal thinks Daniel's a stand-up guy, but he needs a shark. "If I stopped doing business every time somebody got kidnapped, I'd never get anything done!" So it turns out that Cal won't sign unless Wili keeps her job and her stake in the company. The deal is done, and Claire looks suspiciously at Cal kissing Wili.
Wilhelmina finds Betty after the signing and thanks her. She didn't want to lie for the rest of her life. So apparently she had Cal over to her apartment last night (the same Cal that turns down meetings with Presidents?) and explained herself. "I'm the type of person who stole a dead man's sperm, who falsified DNA results, who kept a mother in the dark, just to maintain the illusion that her baby was mine. All this to ensure my place in this company." Cal seems to like that spirit. And so do I! Besides, I've never seen any evidence that Daniel is anywhere near as good an Editor-in-Chief as she is. Wili tells Betty to bring Christina the baby.
Marc toasts Wili, saying "Bravo, Wilimaestro." Claire and Daniel also drink, but they look less happy.
Betty is in the elevator bay with William. The elevator opens, and Christina and Stuart are delighted to receive their baby. Christina tells Betty that she's come a long way since she came to Mode and that it's been great having her as a friend. Oh, and Christina and Stuart are going back to Scotland. Christina doesn't want her baby to "grow up speaking like a Yank, because I can't understand a word you people say." Nice one. There are hugs and tears, and then they leave.
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