Episode Report Card Monty Ashley: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Tying Up Loose Ends
By Monty Ashley | Season 3 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.07.2009
Back in Queens, Justin claims to have called Betty and Christina as the kidnappers and is disappointed that with all this drama, he's not even allowed to tell the Drama Club. Hilda is very angry at Betty and Christina and wants them to get out of the house before the news crew notices. There's some strenuous sneaking and distracting until Hilda maneuvers the news crew and Archie out the door to see the Yield sign that Archie installed as his first act as a Councilman. "Before it was there, there was no yielding! It was chaos!" Heh. So Hilda, Archie, and the news crew leave and Betty and Christina are in the clear. Until Ignacio appears on the stairs, looking down on them diapprovingly.
Hilda comes back into the house and tells Betty that she has done wrong. Betty thinks that maybe she could get another DNA test, but Hilda mocks this idea, suggesting they just "drop by the DNA Pagoda at the mall". Betty admits that she needs help, but who would help a fugitive?
Amanda! No, wait. Amanda's just connecting Betty to Claire, because I guess Betty forgot that she has Claire's direct line. Marc knocks Amanda over ("Ow! My hair!") and eavesdrops on the call, which begins with "Mrs. Meade. I really need your help."
Night. Manhattan. Claire, Betty, Stuart, Christina. Claire has a personal DNA guy she can go to. Just then! The police roar up and slap the cuffs on everybody. Claire starts hyperventilating, which is a nice touch. The police take William away from a protesting Christina.
Coming back from commercial, Betty is explaining the plot to a police officer and attempting to make the case that really, they were just trying to save the police some effort. The cop tells Betty that he knows all that and that she's been free to go for fifteen minutes. The Meades have good lawyers, and Claire drags Betty away to Daniel. Daniel catches us up: Christina's going to jail, and Wilhelmina is not feeling merciful. Claire warns Betty, "Just don't hold your breath. That woman won't give up anything unless you've got something on her." Daniel approaches Wili and wants to take advantage of the DNA facility they're supposedly parked in front of. No dice. "As far as I'm concerned, she can rot in jail."
Betty is trying to be optimistic at Christina and Stuart, who are handcuffed in the back of a police car. Christina gets maudlin. The tinkly piano music helps. The car pulls away.
Wili's place. She's looking fondly at the baby. Marc comes in and looks pretty conflicted about the whole thing. He's not quite willing to tell her that she needs to give William to his actual parents, who seem to like him more than she does, what with her complete reliance on nannies. But he comes pretty close. After he leaves, Wili plays with the baby in a halfhearted fashion (which is half a heart more than she usually has. Zing!) and also looks conflicted.
Suarez house. Betty apologizes to Hilda, who's just glad that Archie didn't know. Archie walks into the kitchen in the middle of this and mentions that he knows everything. As he gets a couple of beers from the refrigerator, he seems pretty casual about the whole thing. Although he's officially against kidnapping, he thinks you have to help your friends and do what's right. He also recommends fighting dirty. Betty looks like this is the first she's ever heard of this thing called "fighting dirty". Not very observant, is she? Where's she been the last few seasons? She looks thoughtful.
Wili opens her front door to see Betty, who claims to know everything. She enters and brandishes a baby blanket, which allegedly has some of William's spit-up on it. Betty threatens a DNA test, which will prove that Christina is the mother and send Wili to jail. Or Wilhelmina can admit it first and everybody will pretend the fake DNA test was a mistake. Wilhelmina pretends to be caught for a moment, but then reveals that she can tell that the stain is strawberry milkshake, which she can tell thanks to her Fashion Editor Powers. Betty gets all spunky and insists that she'll fight and keep on fighting. She tells Wilhelmina it would be easier not to have to lie for the rest of her life, and leaves.
The next morning, Wilhelmina is giving a press conference at Mode where she expresses her shock and dismay at learning of the erroneous DNA test. But she had to say something because she couldn't keep the child from his real mother. Suzuki St. Pierre appears again to use a computer to show the revised guess at the twenty-year-old child of "two Scottish people" (using a picture of Ashley Jensen where she looks awesome, by the way; I don't think she's ever been allowed to look that good as Christina). It's an overweight shirtless guy. Suzuki is less impressed.
Betty, Claire, and Daniel exit the elevator together and Claire is wearing an outfit nearly as silly as Betty's. Claire is gleeful that Wilhelmina no longer has shares in the company, and she and Daniel argue over who gets to fire her.
At the meeting room, Cal Hartley is about to sign the papers, but the Meades insist on firing Wilhelmina first. But wait! Cal won't sign if Wili's gone, even though he claimed he was going to be a silent partner. It turns out that Cal thinks Daniel's a stand-up guy, but he needs a shark. "If I stopped doing business every time somebody got kidnapped, I'd never get anything done!" So it turns out that Cal won't sign unless Wili keeps her job and her stake in the company. The deal is done, and Claire looks suspiciously at Cal kissing Wili.
Wilhelmina finds Betty after the signing and thanks her. She didn't want to lie for the rest of her life. So apparently she had Cal over to her apartment last night (the same Cal that turns down meetings with Presidents?) and explained herself. "I'm the type of person who stole a dead man's sperm, who falsified DNA results, who kept a mother in the dark, just to maintain the illusion that her baby was mine. All this to ensure my place in this company." Cal seems to like that spirit. And so do I! Besides, I've never seen any evidence that Daniel is anywhere near as good an Editor-in-Chief as she is. Wili tells Betty to bring Christina the baby.
Marc toasts Wili, saying "Bravo, Wilimaestro." Claire and Daniel also drink, but they look less happy.
Betty is in the elevator bay with William. The elevator opens, and Christina and Stuart are delighted to receive their baby. Christina tells Betty that she's come a long way since she came to Mode and that it's been great having her as a friend. Oh, and Christina and Stuart are going back to Scotland. Christina doesn't want her baby to "grow up speaking like a Yank, because I can't understand a word you people say." Nice one. There are hugs and tears, and then they leave.