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Mode doesn't have the money to pay full price for photographers, and Wilhelmina is unwilling to let Daniel do all the paying. So she makes some sacrifices to hold up her end, including selling some furs and eating almonds instead of caviar. I did not know that almonds were considered the nadir of snack foods, but now I do. Wili has a moment of doubt, but finally throws all her furs at Marc and looks awesome doing it. But she's not giving up her caviar and champagne, because she's gotta be who she is. And who is she? Someone who reclines on a couch and eats caviar and drinks champagne in the middle of the day.
Betty unexpectedly meets Matt's mother, who is played by Christine Baranski. She is icy and rich and, I think, drunk 100% of the time. I guess she's as close as we're going to get to my dream of having AbFab's Patsy Stone on the show (seriously, what's the hold-up here? Get this done!). Matt brings Betty to a torture-themed party at his mother's place, and Betty inexplicably does not wear that barbed-wire hat she got from Heinrich. I guess it's a good thing, because the party is really about opera. Betty bluffs her way through that but discovers that Matt's mother looks down on her.
Let's see, what else... oh, right. Daniel and Molly have a difference of opinion about her cancer treatment and Elena tries to set Hilda up with a Queens Councilman played by Ralph Macchio. Ralph Macchio! I know! Anyway, more on them in the weecap.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Good morning! It's time for another episode of Ugly Betty, and we kick things off this week with the titular Betty setting the Suarez table and telling Matt how great Ignacio's food is. Justin wants Matt to talk about how much better the food is at the Four Seasons. Because Matt is rich. Betty is eating very quickly because she can't wait to get the hell out of the Queens portion of the story. Also because she has to go work on the weekend to help get the magazine back on its feet. And at the news that Betty and Matt will be attending a Rangers game, Justin asserts that if there's that much ice, someone should be figure skating. Betty doesn't care about hockey, but Matt's going for work, and she owes it to him for waiting a whole hour at Mode. That was apparently long enough for him to read all of the issues for the last three years. They will be meeting at Matt's mother's place, which is where he's staying for plot contrivance reasons. Matt says that even though his mother has never met Betty, she's dying to meet her and says that Betty "sounds like the daughter she never had." Matt says the address is 2921 Madison Avenue -- no apartment number. She has the whole building.
Then! Some guy walks in, and it's Ralph Macchio! He's playing Archie the Councilman, who's got a haircut appointment with Hilda. This seems like a poorly timed family dinner, what with Betty having to rush off and Hilda having a salon appointment right in the middle of it. Ignacio takes Archie's coat and generally fawns over him while Elena and Betty squeal at Hilda about how he's single and into her. Hilda asserts that he's "missing something," to which Betty asks, "What, like a wedding ring, like your last boyfriend?" Ooh, burn. Betty leaves, and Matt stays. I guess he's already comfortable with her family, then.
Molly's place. She and Daniel are arguing about Derek Jeter. They are not debating whether his defense is overrated, which is a subject upon which I have Opinions, but whether he is attractive. Daniel feels that Mr. Jeter is a good-looking man, but Molly's not interested. Molly complains that Daniel has to go to the office on a Saturday, but he claims the magazine needs him seven days a week. Oh, it does not. It has two Editors-in-Chief, and I'm pretty sure Wilhelmina's better at the job than he is. Molly expresses plans for a walk in Prospect Park, and Daniel freaks out at the idea of poor, fragile Molly taking a step outside her apartment.
In the Mode offices, Betty tells Daniel that he has a meeting with Miles Foster (a photographer) and Wilhelmina at 4:00, and that she has put out a spread of food. The spread includes salami, but "not the kind that makes you gassy." Daniel protests that that only happened one time, and that it was a fluke, but Betty feels it's best not to risk it. Daniel appears to enjoy the fart references. Either he's fond of Betty, or he misses that fratboy magazine he was working at at the beginning of the season. Betty also has good news for Daniel: a special doctor he wants for Molly is in town for the week. Daniel thanks Betty for working on the weekend and casually refers to Matt as her boyfriend. Betty denies that their relationship has progressed that far, but Daniel has some vague lesson he learned from Molly. Betty feels that labels like "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" are meaningless. Betty leaves via the elevator, en route to the hockey game.
Daniel and Wilhelmina walk the vacant halls of Mode, talking about how vital it is to get Miles Foster. He's very in demand, and costs more than their entire photo budget, but they think they can get him if they offer complete creative control. Then they have a cute moment where Wili tells Daniel he's got sweat on his upper lip, which means that he's nervous, but Daniel claims that he just washed his face. And forgot to dry it?
In the meeting, Daniel and Wili heap praise on Miles, especially for a Brady Bunch-themed shoot he did with Angelina Jolie and her six children. Is that the right number of children? I'd check, but as far as I'm concerned, the primary definition of a weecap is that I don't have to spend time looking things up on Google. Whee! Anyway, Miles's photo shoot also included Jennifer Aniston as Alice the Maid, which is entertainingly silly. He's all coy and self-deprecating (and sounds a bit like Terry from Reno 911) until they get to the part about him working at a discount, at which point he spits "I'm a freaking genius!" and walks out. They have until Friday to come up with the money.
With Miles gone, Daniel and Wili agree that they'll have to dip into their personal bankrolls to pay him. Daniel offers to cover it, but Wili insists that she's able to cover it. Then she looks worried.
At a huge, expensive-looking building, Betty stands in an enormous foyer. She calls for Matt, but gets Christine Baranski instead. She asks Betty to go get her bags. Betty, thinking that Matt has told his mother all about her, introduces herself simply as "Betty". Matt's mother, being fairly polite, introduces herself as Victoria Hartley. I disapprove of her automatically assuming Betty is a servant based on nothing more than (as far as I can tell) her racial heritage, but given that she thinks she's talking to a maid, at least she's not shouting and making imperious gestures. She just seems condescending and faintly amused, but that might just be because her eyebrows have been permanently affixed to the top of her forehead. The confusion gets ironed out as Betty explains that she's dating Matt, but it is immediately clear that Victoria did not know that. And then Matt shows up, clearly surprised that his mother is home. Betty and Victoria part on a note of phony politeness; when Victoria says "And it was nice to meet you," it's like she's going to bite Betty's head off with her powerful mandibles.
Out on the street, Betty is furious that Matt would lie to her, although I've noticed that Matt lies almost constantly. He always claims it's a joke when he's called on it, but seriously, his dialogue is an almost uninterrupted torrent of lies. For example, he now admits that not only did his mother never call Betty "the daughter I never had," his mother actually has a daughter. And then he immediately says that he doesn't have a sister. Just a joke! Ha ha? Anyway, Betty is angry that Matt didn't want to subject Betty to "the Victoria Hartley Taste Test," and Matt invites Betty to a party his mother's having on Friday. So in the last scene he thought his mother was out of town, but here he knows that she's having a party on Friday? With that out of the way, Matt and Betty pile into a taxi to get to the hockey game.
In Wilhelmina's place, pictures are being taken of furs and jewelry. Marc and Wili look on sadly, because she's selling her possessions. Marc considers this to be one step above going on a reality show. When she's asked if the lining of her sable is hand-stitched, Wili claims, "Oh, yes. By a seamstress from Paris whose great-great-grandfather was furrier to Napoleon." Upon interrogation by Marc, it is revealed that she's just making that up. Marc suggests that Wili just ask one of her rich friends for money, like The Donald, or Sumner, or Martha. I wish Sumner Redstone had hosted a reality show, because then I would have a clever joke here. But no dice. Wili doesn't want to owe anyone. The woman taking the pictures says that she would indeed like to purchase Wili's stuff, and assures her that she's very discreet. Marc goes into paroxysms of sorrow until Wili lets him wear the sable one last time.
Betty walks past Amanda's station, and Amanda is immediately all up in Betty's business about her "rich boyfriend" that she learned about by going through Betty's desk calendar. Amanda claims that when they roomed together, they shared everything, but Betty corrects her: Amanda shared everything, and some of it was weird. Amanda ignores this and assures Betty that she's going to go to the Golddigger Hall of Fame. Betty protests that she really likes Matt and she'd never do anything wrong, no, not Betty!
Wili tears up a flier for a showing for the House of Henri and tells someone on the phone that the show was tragic. That's just the setup for her 4:00 caviar and champagne break. Marc brings in a tray and then flees before Wili discovers that she's been brought almonds and seltzer. Marc blames the reduced office budget, and pretends to enjoy the almond she makes him eat. I can only assume the introduction of almonds will mean that someone will smell bitter almonds at some point, which will mean that someone is being poisoned with cyanide. That's how it always works in Agatha Christie novels; almonds foreshadow cyanide. Mark it down!
Daniel and Molly meet with a doctor in Daniel's office. The doctor says that there is a very small chance that his treatment will reverse the cancer, but the chance is real. Molly asks for a few days to think about it, but Daniel runs roughshod over her and says that they don't need any time to think and that they'll do it. What a jerk.
Betty runs up to Claire Meade, who is looking over layouts for Mode. Question: What about all the other magazines at Meade? Is anyone selling furs for their cover photos? Claire assumes that Betty is worried about Victoria Hartley's party, because Daniel tells her everything that goes on in Betty's life. She adds that Hilda should totally go out with the councilman. I think it's nice that Daniel is paying so much attention to Betty's stories of her personal life. And that Claire then pays enough attention to the retelling that she has opinions on what Hilda should do. In fact, I'm now going to assume that the entire office staff is passing around gossip about Betty's home life. At least someone's interested! Betty wants to get back to the Victoria Hartley party, and passes a quick quiz on table manners (the big glass is for red wine, according to Claire), but Claire warns Betty that party will have a topic. Betty knows nothing about topics, so Claire calls the Hartley Mansion and asks to speak to Consuela. "There's always a Consuela," she assures Betty, who looks a little uncomfortable about that. Claire's Spanish is nonexistent, so she hands the phone off to Betty, who nervously asks what the topico del discussion will be at la fiesta. The answer is "torture", which pleases Betty enormously. Not for any kinky reason (that we know of), but because she read an article in the New Republic on the ethics of torture. My guess is that they were against it. Claire says that Ariana Huffington had a torture party the month, at which they waterboarded Liz Smith. That's an odd sentence.
Marc rushes into Wili's office and turns off the television and shuts her computer. He is not subtle enough for her, and she turns the TV back on. The 24-hour Style Channel features Suzuki St. Pierre, announcing that he's "saved the best piece of gossip masquerading as news for last!" He knows all about Wili's garage sale, and even the almonds. He starts out pretending not to say which Mode editor is selling her furs, but by the end of the segment, there's a flashing arrow pointing to her picture. Then he laughs in an entertainingly demented manner. Marc claims to have no idea how the news got out, and Wili walks out of the office, saying she's done for the day.
We return to the Suarez's house, where Justin is dressing Betty. He's got some sort of corset thing going. Meanwhile, Hilda thinks Elena is putting out too many plates, since Betty won't be dining with them. Ah, but Elena has a plan. Who's that at the door? It's Councilman Archie! Ignacio is delighted to see him; Hilda, not so much. Betty flees.
Marc arrives at Wilhelmina's place with the auction people, but Wili is nowhere to be seen. It turns out that she's lying on her bed, surrounded by furs and jewelry. It looks pretty comfortable, actually. Unless she rolls over on the diamonds.
Back in Queens, Hilda complains about being set up like this. Justin gives her wine.
The Hartley Party has begun! Betty gets some white wine and she and Matt mingle. Victoria gives Betty a plastic smile and moves on, calling "Edith! I love your new labradoodle!" Heh. Matt points out a judge who he claims has an S&M dungeon in his basement. As Betty turns, her mushroom cap flies off its stick. The canapé has stuck to Victoria's new painting, which is going to the Louvre! Oh no! They'll have to wipe the painting off! Victoria is furious and demands to know who did it, and Betty is about to confess. But Matt claims he did it, and Victoria laughs it off with a boys-will-be-boys attitude. Then when everyone goes to the room, Victoria glares at Betty as she suggests that Betty must be bringing out Matt's playful side. It is clear that Victoria does not approve of Matt's playful side.
Marc is stroking Wili's furs, inside which Wilhelmina is reclining on her bed. That's not a very good sentence, is it? Well, you get the idea. Bed, furs, Marc, Wili. The point of the scene is that Wili is freaking out about selling all her lovely things. She cries out to the heavens, and Marc clearly takes a picture of her in despair (and furs) with his cellphone. Then he denies it, although she was looking right at him when he did it. Marc assures her that he doesn't want to live without her luxuries. Wili gets more dramatic: "Each fur tells a story. Each piece of jewelry is a piece of me. It reminds me that I've achieved something. Because dammit, I have. I came from nothing, and I've accomplished something!" Marc: "...but your father was a senator." Wili: Shut up!" The doorbell rings, because those auction guys aren't going to stand in the hallway forever.
Wilhelmina throws her furs at Marc, shouting, "Take it. Take all of this! Do with it what you want, I don't care anymore! Just bring me the money!" She drops the fur she's wearing and stands atop the bed, looking terrific in a teddy or corset or something. No time for Google, Dr. Jones! I'll tell you this: she looks awesome, and I mean that in the actual sense of the word. Wili: "Starting now, mama is downsizing!" Marc: "Not where it counts, baby!" That scene was a great deal of fun.
In Molly's place, Daniel is excited about the treatment he's picked out for Molly. She is less enthused, because it looks to her like she's about to spend the rest of her short life in misery, consumed by side effects. Daniel wants to plan for the future, but Molly protests that she doesn't have one, so she wants to focus only on the present. She reiterates that she's dying, and I would like to point out that this looks like one of those Movie Cancers, where she just gets a little prettier until one day she dies. In ye olde tymes, it was usually consumption. Daniel is a little aggressive, but she insists, "I know how I wanna spend the rest of my life, and it's not like this." I guess it's Friday now, because Daniel has to go to the office to sign the contract with the photographer. Well, and the party was scheduled for Friday, so I guess if I was paying attention I would have realized it was Friday awhile ago.
Queens. Councilman Archie is telling a story about the time he fell asleep at a council meeting. It's actually a little more interesting than it sounds, but I have to say, I kind of agree with Hilda's sour face. Although this is the second subplot in a row where her main job is to sit at the dinner table and scowl, since she was just doing that at Elena. Justin makes a big deal out of treating himself to "one more new potato", and I think he's being a little broader than usual. Hilda admits that it's okay with her if Councilman Archie comes by again. Then when everyone leaves them alone (while Justin protests that he's trying to enjoy his new potato), Hilda and Archie have an actual conversation.
Back to the party. Everyone is sitting in enormous armchairs around a dinner table that looks like it could host a pretty satisfactory council of war. Victoria has arranged things so that Matt is near her and Betty is waaaaay at the other end of the table. Victoria prepares to announce the topic of the evening, and Betty is ready. But it is not torture; it is opera! Betty asks "Opera?!" and is promptly called upon to give her thoughts on the future of opera. She stammers and mumbles all the way through a commercial break, at which point she receives a text on her phone from Matt, reminding her of a recent Mode spread about opera. So she pulls it together and is able to make a plausibly meaningless claim about opera and fashion and art, eventually arriving at a thesis, suggesting that opera will evolve by offering its audience a grander, more hopeful version of themselves. It's interesting that Betty's now able to discourse intelligently about fashion. Everyone seems to buy it, and the guy with an ascot (there's always a guy with an ascot at a party like this) says he might steal that line for his column. Betty elaborates a bit about couture and its effect on daily life, and the table starts to break up into little conversations about Betty's statement. I'm not sure what to make of Victoria's expressionless face. It seems like she ought to be seething about Betty's unexpected success, but I think she actually looks pleased that her party is going well. I mean, the guests are happily discussing the topic, right? That's a win for her.
Ignacio gives Archie some leftovers to take home, and then everyone scrams, leaving Hilda alone with Archie at the door. Archie finally asks her out and she accepts. Hooray. Let's move on.
Mode. Daniel, Miles, and Wilhelmina have signed the contract. Miles shoots them both airkisses and saunters out. Wili assures Daniel that she'll do what she has to do to keep up her end of the money, and Daniel tells her he's not trying to muscle her out. He claims to have learned a lesson from Molly, who's "determined to live life on her own terms, even if it kills her." Well. I think it's the cancer that's killing her, not her desire to occasionally go for a walk in a park. Wili tears off the check she has written for $100,000/
Betty wanders through the Hartley mansion when Victoria meets her alone. She appears to feel that Betty's degree from Queens College does not measure up to Matt's one from Yale. She compliments Betty on being ambitious, and she might even be sincere. Her praise of Matt includes the fact that he speaks three languages, but Betty speaks two, doesn't she? Normally she does better with the Spanish than we saw tonight. Anyway, Victoria does not pull punches: "What exactly do the two of you have in common?" The correct answer is "We both work at magazines," but Betty doesn't come up with it. Victoria is clear: "What I'm saying is that I hope you enjoyed your meal tonight. But I don't think we'll be seeing you again." Betty is crestfallen.
Matt finds Betty looking for her coat (in a "closet" you could play baseball in), and Betty tells him that his mother just told her they don't have a future. Matt will have none of it, because he doesn't care that she didn't go to Yale. He doesn't want Betty to worry about what his mother thinks. On cue, she appears in the background, telling Matt to join her once he's said goodbye to his friend. But he's saying good night to his mother. "I'm leaving. With my girlfriend." They leave, and Victoria looks thwarted, but dubious.
The day, it must be 4:00 because Marc has brought almonds and seltzer to Wili's office. She is disturbingly calm, and warns Marc that if he took a picture of her on his cellphone (which she knows perfectly well he did), she will kill him. And eat him. But it seems that Daniel's description of Molly's determination to "live her life until the day she dies" has struck a chord with Wili: she has her own tray. With caviar and champagne. "I can live without the furs and the jewelry. But to hell if I'm going to sacrifice everything. I worked too hard to let it all slip away." She's willing to take out a second mortgage if necessary, because "as god is my witness, I will never go without champagne and caviar again." Right on.
Daniel is telling Betty that he's frustrated with Molly's reluctance to do what he thinks will keep her alive. She tells him, "She's just trying to give you the time she does have left." He wants more, but she counsels him that he should take what he can get.
And now, having dispensed sage advice, it is Betty's turn to receive some. She catches up with Claire in the elevator, who calls Victoria a rich bitch and tells Betty that Victoria Hartley will never warm up to her. "Oh, please, Betty! You're never going to win that woman over. Grow up, because not everyone's going to like you. You've just got to suck it up and embrace it." Boy, you're telling me? Again, right on. And that's a lesson that Betty in particular could benefit from.
Daniel returns to Molly's apartment, opens the window, gathers up some snow, and throws a snowball at her. He wants to go hiking and to the beach. He's on board with spending all their free time running around together. She seems pleased, and they go off to play in the snow. Um, not that there's been any snow in any of the other exterior shots in this episode.
In fact, Betty is walking down the sidewalk in the very shot, and there's clearly no snow. People are wearing coats, though, so I guess it's possible there's snow somewhere. Betty's on the phone to Matt, who says he'll be right down. And she bumps into Victoria, who exposits that Matt's moving back into his apartment. Victoria won't apologize for who she is or what she thinks, and neither will Betty. Victoria: "What can I say? My judgments are severe. It's just the way I look at the world." Betty: "Well, I'm sorry for you. But I might be around for awhile." They have a staredown, and Victoria smiles and walks away. Yeah, yeah, she's secretly impressed with Betty' spunkiness. Matt runs up and they walk instead of taking a cab to wherever they're going. End of episode!
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