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This was really a very good episode. Mode is in upheaval when the Hot Yard Guy from The O.C. manages to get the scoop about Mode's big Christmas feature spread from unknown sources. We do know that Amanda, Marc, and Betty all gave him a bit of information while at a networking event, and they assume they're to blame. The three of them implode together under the stress of trying to keep the secret (Marc starts carrying an inhaler everywhere; Amanda inhales all the food in sight), but it turns out that they weren't entirely to blame after all. A particularly nasty staffer with the mean but hilarious nickname of "Fat Carol" (of course, she's totally not fat) slept with the Yard Guy and told him everything. The threesome get to keep their jobs, and I think they might even be friends, a little bit, now. Wilhelmina, on the other hand, decides that the Yard Guy might be the perfect person to spy for her. In other news: Betty's dad has a fake social security number. Fey Sommers sends Daniel the music box Bradford stole from her apartment, apparently having stolen it back, and he puts two and two and two together, realizing that not only was his father having an affair with Fey, but he may also have killed her off. Justin ditches school to hang out at the magazine, where he wins over Evil Marc and even Wilhelmina. Walter, advised by Betty's dad to make a "big gesture" to win her back, serenades her with the theme from Beauty And The Beast. Let's just say he's the beast, okay? Well played, Ugly Betty team. Well played. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Evil Marc, Amanda, and our hapless heroine are attending a networking event at a bar-like place called "The Rack." Betty tells them that she's really thrilled to be there, and she's even more thrilled when she realizes that that they're serving free grilled cheese sandwiches! Amanda affixes her with a long look, advises her to "stop with the chatty," and tells her that no one eats the sandwiches. Except for a girl at the bar, who Betty points out. "Well, of course Fat Carol is eating one, what do you expect?" Marc retorts, as if this were all very obvious. It must be noted, of course, that Fat Carol isn't particularly fat. Betty knows better than to mention this, though, and just rolls her eyes. She asks Marc and Amanda how this "networking" thing works, and the gruesome twosome advise her to circulate. "We want everyone to meet you," Marc tells her. "Okay! Wish me luck," Betty says sweetly, and Amanda and Marc give her two very ironic thumbs up. Betty promptly turns around and bumps right into some dude. Drinks fly everywhere, and Amanda and Marc both whip out their Razrs to commemorate this moment on cameraphone forever. "It's my first time," Betty calls after the booze-soaked guy. "More classic moments for Betty's wall of shame," Marc notes gleefully.
Betty -- who is nothing if not resilient -- bellies up to the bar and introduces herself to Fat Carol, handing her a business card. "I always thought I'd be good at your job," says Fat Carol brusquely. "How long do you think you'll last?" Betty sweetly replies that she thinks she'll be there for a while, and tries to change the subject by telling Fat Carol that she's so happy to see her eating the cheese sandys: "So many people at Mode don't eat." Fat Carol gives Betty the once-over. "Sometimes they shouldn't," she retorts. Betty just looks slightly sad, as Fat Carol slides off her bar stool and walks off. I hate Fat Carol.
But our heroine is not alone for long. She's soon joined by a man I remember as Marissa's hot but wooden gardener lover on The O.C. He's just as hot here, and he also appears to have taken a few acting classes, which: props. He introduces himself as "Carlo Medina," and explains that he works for the EIC at Isabella (which I presume is the Elle to Mode's Vogue). He purrs that he knows who Betty is: "You're a legend." Betty giggles.
Cut to Bradford's office, which is a terrible, terrible mess. He appears to have lost the music box he went to all that trouble to find. I find it hard to believe that Bradford Meade didn't stash the music box somewhere safe, like a safety deposit box, but who am I? Only the only person in the world who's ever plotted a crime in secret, apparently. I was a Girl Scout -- I believe in having a plan. Bradford's assistant -- who is of the Old and Mean Assistant variety -- crabs at him that Daniel and Wilhelmina are waiting for him to sign off on "the holiday spread." If only she were referring to the meal they're planning to serve at Christmas instead of a shoot for the magazine. I love the thought that Bradford has to go downstairs and approve Wilhelmina's choice of yams rather than Brussels sprouts. Bradford is totally distracted, but goes, telling her to keep looking for the box.
Downstairs, Hot Photographer Vincent, Daniel, and Wilhelmina (in yellow this time) are working on the feature spread for the December issue. Daniel eyeballs two models wearing vaguely military-inspired get-ups and posing in front of some kind of nuclear landscape, and notes that he'd like to see a bit more skin. "It's a post-nuclear scene. Exposed skin would melt off their bodies," Wilhelmina wisely points out. Enter Bradford. Wilhelmina describes the concept of the shoot: it's a "post-apocalyptic Christmas." Daniel nods enthusiastically: "A Mad Max-mas, if you will." Bradford remains impassive as Wilhelmina waxes poetic about a Vietnamese designer she recently uncovered, who is doing an exclusive line of flak jackets for them. Bradford atonally approves the shoot without even hearing the rest of the details, and wanders off to figure out how he can recover the item that proves he's probably a murder. Everyone looks concerned. And maybe moderately relieved.
Cut to the Den of Recuperation, Bandages, and Ambient Lighting. "He was disturbed?" asks Fey (OR IS SHE?). Wilhelmina confirms that Bradford seemed very disturbed indeed. "He should be. He got sloppy," Fey notes. "And WE got a music box," Wilhelmina replies, fondling it. It is indeed the music box inscribed to Fey that Bradford is so peevish about losing.
Betty gets home from work to find her family knee-deep in Tamale Night...with Walter. Walter who dumped her for the neighbor. It seems rather rude of them to destroy the sanctity of tamales like that. Also, why is Betty's family on Team Walter? If I were in Betty's position, my father would be shooting warning shots at Walter from the front porch if he so much as darkened our doorstep. Except we don't have a front porch. Or a shotgun. As far as I know; presumably, my Dad could secretly be a spy. Anyway. Betty also would like to know why, exactly, Walter is partaking of Tamale Night. Everyone else sort of looks at her like, "Um, because it's Tamale Night?" America Ferrera has an awesome reaction to this, which is basically the facial expression you get when you're thinking, "HELLO, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CHEATING?" But instead, Papa Suarez just tells her to be nice to their guest. Betty sort of shakes her head and sits down, explaining that she had a great time at that evening's networking event: "But it's not professional to eat, so I just had a mango margarita." As she says this, she repossesses her dad's coffee cup and rebukes him for not following doctor's orders. "What?" she asks Walter when she sees his disapproving face. Walter just thinks it's INTERESTING that Betty's DRINKING now: "You used to get woozy from your astringent." Oh, step off, Walter. She's not your girl anymore. Let the girl have a cocktail. Betty ignores this and just chuckles that she really had fun with the networking. She's finally starting to feel like she belongs!
And so we swoosh back in time to the bar, where Carlo Medina tells Betty again that she's a legend: "You saved the Fabia layout in your first week." Betty waves this off, and says that she was just "doing her job." Carlo smiles, and asks, "What are you drinking?" "Um...mango margarita?" Betty offers cheerfully. Carlo makes an equally cheery face.
Cut to Amanda and Daniel getting ready for bed. Amanda complains that Betty talked about herself the whole night. "That doesn't sound like Betty," Daniel says, unbuttoning his shirt. I love the soap opera convention of making men do almost everything shirtless. This scene is fairly realistic, of course -- who goes to bed in his dress shirt? -- but I predict that eventually Daniel will have scenes where he gets an important work-related call in the middle of a shirtless Pilates session or a Swedish massage or a shower. "Get a drink in her and she would NOT SHUT UP bragging about the Fabia layout," Amanda says, as Daniel unzips her. This unzipping is not of the sexy variety, as much as it is of the "it's time for us to get some sleep and you can't undo your own zipper" variety.
Cut back to the bar, where Betty is not talking about herself, but rather giving all the credit for the Fabia save to Daniel. Carlo is impressed that Betty doesn't talk trash about her boss. It is at this moment that Amanda slides in between them. "You know, trash-talking is what I do best," she purrs to him. "Well, second best." Betty pokes her head around them and pipes up that she's really lucky to work for Daniel.
Back in the present, as Amanda is giving Daniel the so-called scoop about the networking event, Evil Marc is reporting to Wilhelmina that Betty was clueless as to how to handle herself at a networking event. "When she pulled out her business cards," he begins...
Cut back in time to Betty taking out her entire box of cards, surrounded by a whole mess of people. She enthuses that she just got her cards today! Marc, who is observing this from the bar, turns to some dude and dubs her "tragic": "She doesn't know we only invited her so that other people can see she exists." "She's like the real-life Snuffleupagus..."
"...only hairier," Marc finishes retelling Wilhelmina. But Wilhelmina is uninterested in his bon mots and want to know if he found out anything useful to her. Marc takes a giant, wheezy breath and promises to do better time. Folding her arms, Wilhelmina asks Mark, "Do you know how many curly-haired, effete sycophants there are waiting to replace to you?" Marc heaves that he knows she has five of them on speed-dial. "Don't make me call," Wilhelmina warns him. Marc really starts wheezing in earnest, and leaves the room.
Back at home, Betty tells Walter and her family that she had an "amazing night." Walter just wants to know if she's going to finish her tamale. She glares at him. "Right. I forgot. You probably need it to soak up the booze," he snaps. Justin pipes up that Betty would be perfect for his school project: they have to write a paper about someone whose job they admire. At this, Hilda looks sort of subtly sad at the other end of the table. "We have a whole day off tomorrow to observe them," Justin explains, and announces, of course, that he wants to go to Mode. Betty would love to have him, she says, if it's okay with Hilda. Hilda bitterly notes that the fashion world isn't all that: "A bunch of self-serving, shallow tramps who starve themselves and back-stab each other for expensive clothes no self-respecting person would be caught dead in." Sounds like an interesting essay to me! Justin just wants to know if he can go. "Well, don't say I didn't warn you," Hilda replies grudgingly. Justin is predictably thrilled.
Mode. Betty and Justin get onto the elevator. He looks very cute in a vest and tie under a little blazer, sort of like a mini-Marc. Speaking of Marc, he and Amanda climb on the lift, and Betty introduces them as her friends. "Just because we're sharing an elevator doesn't mean we're friends," Amanda sneers. Betty soldiers on, introducing Justin. Marc snarks that he's glad to know that it's just baby weight on Betty, a mistake which she is quick to correct. Justin is paying no attention whatsoever, because he's eyeballing Amanda's shoes, and squeals, "Oh my God! Manolo Blahniks, Spring 2004!" Amanda's face immediately falls, and she tries to cover her left foot with her right. Marc crows with glee: "Wearing two-year-old shoes! Even I didn't catch that! Definitely not your son," he adds, to Betty.
Justin, Betty, Marc, and Amanda walk out of the elevator and right into the sound of yelling from the conference room. Vincent is ripping down their apocalyptic mock-ups and yelling things like, "I went to get the tanks. Gone!" Wilhelmina looks alarmed. "Isabella took them ALL OUT FROM UNDER US," Vincent screams. Daniel rubs his forehead and asks Vincent to calm down, but Vincent retorts that he cannot: how can he, when Isabella magazine "literally stole [their] entire spread"? We cut to a great react form the three Modekateers (to lift a term from one of our clever posters), each looking more alarmed than the other. "Oh my God. Carlo Medina," Marc wheezes. "He bought me a drink," Betty says, stricken.
After the ads, Wilhelmina has the whole staff in the conference room. Justin peeks around the corner and spies on the meeting. Daniel informs the crew that Isabella is doing a post-apocalyptic Christmas for its December issue: "They copied our entire concept." Wilhelmina bitches that, actually, they took it. Daniel reminds everyone that the holiday issue is Mode's biggest source of ad revenue for the year. They could easily lose ads and circulation and, eventually, everyone's jobs. "Which is precisely why Mode does not tolerate leaks," Wilhelmina barks. She'll give the guilty party one chance to confess, she tells them: "Did any of you speak to anyone at Isabella?" Everyone looks silent and shifty. Betty starts to raise her hand, but Marc slaps it down and Amanda kicks her in the shins. Wilhelmina cocks a brow and says that they'll all be treated as guilty until there's a confession: "But by noon on Thursday, someone's head will roll." Betty gulps and adjusts her collar.
While Betty's getting nervous, Bradford and Mysterious Leatherman are having yet another Mysterious Meeting. Bradford wants him to investigate "everyone" to find out who stole the music box. ML wisely wonders why Bradford didn't burn the box along with everyone else. "I couldn't," says Bradford. "That box is personal." ML points out the obvious: the box connects Bradford to Fey and provides a motive for killing her. Um, isn't he already connected to Fey as her boss? I guess if it's presumed that her death is an accident; nevertheless, I feel like there's no way he would have gotten away with not even being part of an inquest thus far. "Who knows about the affair?" ML asks. "No one but my wife," says Bradford. Seriously, he's, like, an incredibly bad murderer.
Meanwhile, in the conference room, Daniel tells everyone that, in addition to tracking down their leak, they also need to think of and execute an entirely new concept for the December issue. He needs them to cancel any plans, because he needs all hands on deck. "What Daniel's trying to say is, kiss your loved ones goodbye, and expect to come home to dead pets," Wilhelmina translates. "Now what are you waiting for?" Everyone scampers out of the room.
Evil Marc and Amanda drag Betty right to the place where all good schemes come to light: the ladies' room. Marc is wheezing like...I don't know what wheezes. But he's really wheezing a lot. "You KICKED ME," Betty says to Amanda. "With your two-year-old shoe!" There's the sound of vomiting from the stalls, and Fat Carol emerges, wiping her mouth. "Got something to be nervous about, Carol?" Amanda asks, shoving a bagel in her mouth. "I ate half a bagel," Fat Carol says pointedly, and leaves. Amanda just chews frantically. Marc points out that they ALL talked to Carlo Medina. "What exactly did you tell him?" Amanda asks through a mouthful of carbs. "Not that much," says Betty.
Cut to Mixer Betty telling Carlo that Daniel is smarter than people think. As an example, she tells Carlo that their feature shoot is a post-apocalyptic Christmas: "We rented tanks and it was all Daniel's idea! Tanks!"
In the bathroom, Marc swiftly spits, "Ooh Betty looks like you're the leak too bad you didn't really fit in here anyway." In unison he and Amanda sing, "Ta!" Betty reminds them she only mentioned the tanks: "You guys talked to him too." Amanda asks Marc what he told Carlo.
Cut to Mixer Marc bitterly watching Betty surrounded by a bunch of laughing assistants, as he violently rips napkins to shreds. Carlo comes over and notes that it's unlike Marc to be all alone. "I just don't understand it," Marc whines. "She's like Liza at the Pride parade. BETTY, BETTY, BETTY!" Carlo smiles that they all just want to hear about "the post-apocalyptic Christmas spread." Marc sniffs he can't believe Betty's taking credit for that when Wilhelmina was the one who found the obscure Vietnamese designer to provide the flak jackets.
Bathroom. Betty notes they have tanks and flak jackets, but that there was more to the leak than that. Marc imagines that "the cosmo fountain" (a.k.a. Amanda) might have spilled something too. "I had one drink," Amanda protests.
Cut to Mixer Amanda, surrounded by four empty cosmo glasses, with another in her hand. She asks Carlo what Isabella is doing for its holiday issue. Carlo shrugs that he's much more interested in her and what they're doing at her magazine. "Well, since you asked, Mode is using one of MY ideas. Do you know Planet Of The Apes?" Carlo tells her that he went as Dr. Zaius for Halloween one year. Amanda spills that they're shooting the Statue of Liberty scene...but with Santa buried in the sand, holding up the New Year's Baby. That's...hilarious. "I only know the movie because I dated a geek once," Amanda explains. "Maybe you will again. Buy you another drink?" Carlo offers smoothly. Amanda pounds her last drink and coos an assent.
Back to the bathroom, and the present day. "Carlo is STRAIGHT?" Marc wonders, as Betty announces that they all have to go to Wilhelmina and confess. They both grab her in horror. "Have you been smoking one of your ponchos?" Amanda wonders. They point out that they don't actually KNOW they're responsible for the entire drama. There were LOTS of other details that none of them spilled. "Like the scrap metal reindeer!" Marc squeaks. Amanda says that they just have to hope the real leak comes forward. But Betty, of course, wants to come clean. She'll keep Marc and Amanda out of it, she says, and starts to head for the door. Marc and Amanda block her way out and tell her that there's really no way for her to do that. Betty rolls her eyes that they can't ALL get fired. Amanda tells her that, actually, they can: apparently, the entire photo department of 2003 got canned for just mentioning the words "sepia-toned" at a party. Betty sighs. She just doesn't like lying. Marc hugs her. "Neither do I," he says. "Okay, that's a lie! But we're just asking you to omit. It's like a secret. OUR secret." Amanda catches her snap and tells Betty that she's "one of [them]" now: "The assistants club. We have to protect each other." Betty hesitantly agrees to this. "We're all in this together," Marc tells her, grabbing Amanda and racing off with her, leaving Betty behind.
Back at the Suarez house, Walter seems to be doing some repairs for Papa S, but what he's mostly doing is complaining about Betty. He puts his head in his hands and moans that he's totally sorry about the whole cheat-y thing. While he's got his eyes covered, Papa Suarez sneaks a sip of Walter's coffee. Walter moans that he loves Betty, and Papa Suarez tells him that he once had a huge fight with Betty's mother, and that the only way he could make it up to her was with a big romantic gesture. He reenacted a scene from Pretty Woman, her favorite movie. "You paid her?" Walter asks. Papa Suarez almost manages not to roll his eyes, and explains that he actually reenacted the scene at the end, where Richard Gere climbs Julia Roberts's fire escape to declare his love for her. Apparently, this worked like a charm, because chicks love movies that romanticize prostitution. Walter doesn't think the big romantic gesture will work on "the new Betty." Papa Suarez tell him that there is no New Betty, "just new surroundings." The phone rings, and Papa Suarez leaves Walter to think about this as he takes the call. It's the HMO, confirming an appointment Betty made for him. He cancels the appointment, saying that it's not necessary.
Mode elevator. Wilhelmina and Daniel look miserable. "What are you gonna tell him?" she asks. "What are you gonna tell him?" he throws back at her. Wilhelmina suggests saying nothing at all to Bradford. Daniel wonders if that's really the best idea, since Bradford has approved every holiday spread since 1986. Wilhelmina tells him that, as the top two, they have to protect each other. They'll be blamed for the leak if they admit it before they have a fix, she explains. Daniel starts to step out of the elevator without responding to this, but comes back in: "Okay. This will be our secret." They agree to work with each other to fix the situation. She'll suss out the leak, and he'll come up with a new spread. "Perfect. We're....in this together," Wilhelmina chokes out. Daniel wonders if she's as creeped out by this as he is. "More," Wilhelmina replies.
Daniel heads over to his office, where he finds Betty with Justin. He gives her a long, long list of things to do for him, and then turns to the kid. "Do you work here?" he asks. "Someday!" Justin sings. Betty starts to explain, but Daniel doesn't care. Instead, he calls Amanda over and orders her to bring in supplies. He's really very manly about the whole thing.
And it is at this point that Fey calls. Daniel won't take her call until she gives them a name, so Betty has to take a message. Fey tells her to tell Daniel that they both know Bradford is acting totally weird, and has a whole bunch of secrets. Well, more or less. "One of [the secrets] is in the music box," Fey concludes. Betty stammers that she has no idea what that means. "It'll come to you, dear," Fey says and hangs up. Betty just shrugs at Daniel, and he storms into his office.
Meanwhile, Wilhelmina is interrogating staffers, department by department, about the leak. As the first department clears her investigation, Marc picks up the phone.
Cut to Betty, on the phone: "You don't have any reindeer. What about a big goat?" Her other line rings, and she puts the goat herder on hold.
Cut to Amanda, with a huge bag of food falling on her face. She struggles to answer her own ringing phone. Mark conferences them both in to report that "Style" still has jobs. Betty thinks that's great, but Marc corrects her that it's "horrendous." The three of them agree to pray that Features goes down when they're all called in at noon.
The magazine is in a flurry of activity until the Features meeting. An increasingly stressed Marc reports to Betty and Amanda that Features all also passed muster. At this news, Amanda starts shoveling nuts into her mouth. She pours chips down her gullet, right out of the bag. Half of them land in her hair. , she starts in on a corn dog.
By the end of the day, every department has been cleared except for Beauty and Accounting. Amanda, hoovering a Moon Pie, notes that "those virgins in Accounting didn't do it." Marc, pacing in and out of the frame, says they're just going to have to hope that "those sluts in Beauty did."
Later, down in the Closet, Christina is cursing the "filthy rat" who leaked the spread, while Betty watches and Justin admires a black frock Christina's got on the dress form. "I think I'd belt it," he says, as Christina reflects that she thinks the leak is "that bitch Skinny Carol." She then sends Justin off to get a belt, and tells Betty to let him stay and help her. "I've got some elf costumes to fit later on and little people make me sort of nervous," she confesses. I have to say, I'm sort of off the Christina bandwagon after last week when she wouldn't hook Betty up with a makeover. Also, I get the construction of the "skinny Carol" joke, but no WAY is Carol the one with that nickname among the "normal" Mode staffers, unless every single other person at Mode is also "Skinny So and So."
Betty's heading back to the office with dinner when Bradford's car pulls up alongside her, as though he is Mr. Big and she Carrie Bradshaw. He asks her if Daniel's gotten any of those weird phone calls lately. He covers his interest in this by making up some story about a disgruntled woman who wants to sue the magazine, or some such. Betty says that they got one of those calls this morning, in fact, although it didn't make much sense: "She said that you've been acting very strangely [sic], and you have many secrets, and one of them is in the music box?" Bradford "wonders" where this "music box" might possibly be. Betty shrugs that this caller person isn't very forthcoming, and Bradford just drives off.
When Betty gets back to the office with dinner, Marc tells her the bad news that "Beauty cleared." She wonders what they're supposed to do, and he snaps that unless she hit the Powerball last night, she should keep her trap shut. Betty grabs Daniel's dinner away from Amanda and takes it to him. Daniel tells Betty to go ahead and go home: "I'm sure your nephew's sick of the closet anyway." Tee. Betty sort of just raises her brows, and then lets this go. Daniel tells her that she's worked hard today, and she starts to leave, but then turns back and begins to confess. Daniel stops her: "Listen to me: I don't have to know about everything. Especially if knowing about it means I'd end up losing you." Nascent shippers across the nation squee. I have to say, he does have a very dreamy voice. "So, have a great night," Daniel finally dismisses her. Betty sort of smiles and leaves and he gets back to work, looking thoughtful.
Elsewhere, Marc brings Wilhelmina her dinner salad, cheerfully pointing out that he brought her a few extra lemon slices with which to dress it: "You've earned them!" He also "ripped [her] lettuce into bite-sized pieces and de-cobbed [her] baby corn." Wilhelmina just asks if Marc saw Carlo Medina at The Rack. Poor Marc can't even get enough breath to make words, and just runs out of her office.
Telenovela time: apparently, last week's Simpleton Soccer Player is in love with a nun. Or many it's just a girl in a cape? We don't see enough to see for sure, because we cut away from the TV and right to Justin waxing poetic to the long-suffering Hilda and Papa Suarez about the magazine's "product closet," whilst waving around the lotions he stole. Hilda doesn't want to hear it, and tells him to put it in his paper, which is the elementary-school version of "stick it in a blog."
Why, it's the doorbell! Betty goes and gets it with Jolen Crème Bleach all over her mustache. Oh, GIRL. I don't care who it is at the door. You do your Inappropriate Hair Concealment in PRIVATE. It's all the more horrifying when it turns out to be Marc and Amanda at the door. Amanda is eating Cheetos right out of the bag. They look moderately horrified by the bleach, but not nearly as much as they would be if they both weren't terrified by the thought of getting canned. Marc announces that Wilhelmina wants to see them at 10 AM the morning. Betty's face falls. "She knows," Amanda says through a mouth of Cheeto. DUM DUM DUM music plays as we push in on the 'stache. That was...moderately hilarious.
After the ads, Betty wipes off her bleach and lets her co-workers inside. "Oh my gosh, I have that same Jesus nightlight!" Marc says as he steps in. Amanda calls the place very "flea market chic," and Betty introduces her family. "HHHHHOLA," Amanda says to Papa Suarez, loudly, as if he is deaf. He gently corrects her pronunciation, and she smiles and shakes her head. "No, there's an H in it," she tells him. Justin bounces in, still chatting about his lotions. "Hey guys! I didn't know you were here!" he says, as Marc leans in to get some of the hand cream. "Nice, you stole the good stuff," he says. I think he is a bit fond of Justin, who Hilda immediately sends upstairs. Amanda, done with her Cheetos, grabs some grapes off the table, only to find out that, to her great dismay, they're plastic. Papa Suarez suggests that Betty could offer her friends a snack. He's got some flan, he says. "What's a flan?" Amanda asks. "It's a delicious custard," Papa Suarez explains. "Oh, BRING IT," Amanda yelps, and drags him into the kitchen.
Meanwhile, over at the magazine, Daniel, Vincent, and Wilhelmina are still working away, surrounded by Christmas hoo-ha for inspiration. You can tell they're getting punchy, because Daniel sets a pair of reindeer antlers on Wilhelmina's head, and she lets him. Vincent suggests "a Laurence Of Arabia Christmas." Daniel says that he doesn't even know what that means. "It means that we can use the twenty-one tons of sand that are already there," Vincent snaps. Daniel tries to brainstorm with the sand. Maybe instead of Christmas, they can do other winter holidays. "Kwanzaa?" he offers. "Did you just gesture at me when you said Kwanzaa?" Wilhelmina snaps, slumped over at the table. "NO," Daniel shouts. Vincent giggles. ["For the record -- he did, a little." -- Wing Chun] Finally, Wilhelmina shows them Mode's 1986 holiday issue. The spread is called "Fey's Sleigh Ride," and it features Fey herself in the shoot, sitting in a sleigh and holding, yes, a music box. The issue was their biggest seller, she says. Daniel claims to know it well. Vincent looks it over and nods: "It's traditional. I like it. Old is the new new." Wilhelmina exposits that when Fey put herself in the issue, it "sent shockwaves." And she thinks that, in the year of her death, an empty sleigh would be a nice tribute. That's actually a great idea. It's a rather nice characterization that Wilhelmina is good at her job: it makes her fury at being passed over for the EIC job much more believable, and therefore makes her more sympathetic. Daniel agrees.
Back in Queens, Marc announces that they're pinning the leak on Fat Carol. They have to blame it on someone. Betty doesn't think that's fair, since Carol hasn't done anything. "You know she calls you Fat Betty, right?" Amanda says through the last spoonful of flan. "Fat Carol hates her job -- would she eat so many grilled cheeses if she cared?" Marc says, arguing that Fat Carol probably really wants to get fired. Besides, he says, they're doing this for Betty! Look how long it took her to land this job! She can't find another one! Betty notes that she wasn't aware that keeping so many secrets was going to be a requirement. "Betty," Amanda asks very seriously, "do you have another pan of this stuff?"
In the kitchen, Papa Suarez notes that Amanda has "a healthy appetite," and whispers that Betty had best not tell her that they have ice cream. And with that out of the way, we have Fatherly Advice Time: Papa reminds Betty and us all that, sometimes, we have to keep secrets to survive. He kisses her on the forehead, she looks thoughtful, and we all get to go to commercial.
The day at the office, Betty, Marc, and Amanda find themselves in the elevator -- where all good things happen on Thursday night on ABC -- with Fat Carol. Marc is breathing into a paper bag, and Amanda is eating a donut. Fat Carol snaps that it's really too bad about their meeting: "We'll miss you around here." She is pretty hateful. "SHUT UP CAROL," Amanda yells through a mouthful of powered sugar. "I don't know if there's rehab for...whatever this is," Fat Carol says, waving her hand at them. "But consider it before starting the job hunt. Oh, and Betty? I think I might miss you most of all. Nice having someone fatter than me." She leaves the elevator. "Fat Carol," Marc snaps, as he gets off the lift. "Fat Carol," Amanda hisses, as she follows him. Betty thinks for a split second, and then: "FAT CAROL," she yelps, so steamed.
When Betty gets to her desk, Daniel is in his office, listening to Fey's music box, which has found its way to her desk. Betty wonders: where he got that; if he's okay; and if he needs to her get him anything. Daniel blankly explains that, when he was twelve, his father gave this music box to his mother, and she loved it. But a few days later, she put it in the attic, and set fire to a thousand copies of Mode. And no one would tell him why. But this music box appeared on his desk this morning: "Apparently, my father bought two of them. One for his wife and one for..." His voice trails off. "For his mistress," Betty finishes. Daniel says that Fey posing with the box in the '86 feature spread was basically her just throwing the affair in his mother's face. Betty asks if there was anything inside the box, and lifts the top tray to find parts of a "Fey" vanity license plate, and a pair of Fey's sunglasses. Both look torched. "This woman is trying to connect your father to Fey Sommers," Betty notes, and Daniel says that she's doing more than that: she's trying to make it look like he murdered her. Do ya think?
Vincent comes into Daniel's office and reminds him that they still have twenty-one pounds of sand: "Maybe I should just go to the Paramus Mall and take pictures of kids with Santa." Daniel shakes himself out of his reverie and tells Vincent that he knows what to do with the sand. They start to take off to the art department, but Betty calls Daniel back to tell him that she has a meeting with Wilhelmina in five minutes: "Me and Amanda and Marc." Daniel just asks if she knows what she's doing. Betty admits that she...basically doesn't. "Be careful what you say," he tells her, and leaves.
As soon as Daniel leaves, Justin shows up with Marc, claiming that he has more work to do on his paper. But shortly thereafter, Hilda calls, and what do you know? It seems that Justin never had a paper to write at all. He's just been ditching school to hang out at Mode. Hilda doesn't know what to do with him, but he's definitely in big trouble. Marc eavesdrops as Betty hangs up and tells Justin that Mode isn't all it's cracked up to be. Marc sucks on his inhaler and looks thoughtful as Betty lectures Justin (kindly enough) on the dangers of deception in the workplace: "You're not going to get very far in life by lying. That's not who we are." Amanda comes over and fetches them for the meeting with Wilhelmina; Betty tells Justin not to move.
So the three assistants go into Wilhelmina's. "Shall I ask questions, or do you want to just tell me what you know?" she asks them. Marc begins, and tells her that they were all at The Rack, and that they all saw the same thing: "Someone talking to Carlo Medina from Isabella." And as much as it "pains him" to narc, he just has to tell Wilhelmina: it was Fat Carol. "I saw her too, Fat Carol leaked the spread," Amanda jumps in. Wilhelmina turns to Betty. Who hesitates. And...of course...says that it was her. "I told Carlo everything." Oh, Betty. Luckily, Wilhelmina doesn't believe her. She paces around them, and then tells them that they can go. They are, to a (wo)man, stunned. "Arenât you going to fire her?" Amanda asks. Wilhelmina says that if she did, she would have to can all of them. It turn out she knows exactly what went down at the Rack. The three of them all leaked parts of the spread: "But that disgusting Fat Carol slept with Carlo and spilled everything." Marc: "CARLO MEDINA IS STRAIGHT?" Amanda: "HE SLEPT WITH FAT CAROL?" This out of the way, Marc wonders what happens now. Wilhelmina tells them to consider the last two days of torture their punishment. "You were drunk," she tells Amanda, "you were horny," she tells Amanda, "and you...were naïve." Guess who that one was? "Fat Carol, on the other hand, gave it up intentionally. She gets the axe." And with that, Wilhelmina sends them out of her office.
And over to the photo shoot, to which Betty has brought Justin. "It's just like Top Model except no one's crying," he squeaks with glee. She sends him off to sit down and be quiet, unless someone talks to him first. Daniel approaches her, and tells her that Wilhelmina told him everything. Betty apologizes, but Daniel tells her that it's okay to hide things from him sometimes. "Especially if not hiding them means I might lose you," he says. Yes, we know. You already said that. While they're repeating themselves, Marc goes over and sits to Justin. He admires Justin's kicky vest. "Ralph Lauren!" Justin tells him enthusiastically. Marc wonders if the kids at school like it. "They don't really get me," Justin tells him, and Marc nods: "A word of advice: be who you are, wear what you want, just learn how to run real fast." I must admit, I sort of love that Marc senses the kindred spirit in Justin. It's sweet. I suspect he's not so Evil after all.
Bradford enters the shoot and looks around. He observes that this isn't the spread he approved, and that he's had final approval on every holiday spread since that time his wife found out about his affair. Vincent, Daniel, and Wilhelmina stare at Bradford. Her satin camisole is really wrinkled. Daniel says that "things happened" last minute, and Wilhelmina adds that their job is to fix the problems, not burden him with them. "You are so full of crap," Bradford says. But he admits that this sleigh ride looks even better than Fey's. Daniel stops the shoot and sets the music box on the sleigh, just where it was in the original shoot. Bradford asks him where he found it, and Daniel says that he got it out of the attic: "I remembered Mom had it. Looks just like the one Fey had, don't you think?" As Bradford realizes that the box is, in fact, inscribed to Claire rather than Fey, a subtle look of relief crosses his face. "Good job, son," he says. In the distance, Vincent yells that they need to get going: "My hair is grey and I'm driving to the Early Bird special with my blinkers on!" At this, Justin disobeys Betty and runs over to Wilhelmina. He wonders what they're going to do with all that sand: "Isn't that from the old shoot?" Betty tries to shush him, but Wilhelmina seems to like the kid, too, and tells him, "Say 'snow.'" He obeys, and fake snow begins to fall from the sky. "Snow is a magical blanket," says Wilhelmina. "It hides what's ugly and makes everything beautiful." At this, Betty looks thoughtful, while Daniel looks sad. The music box just looks inanimate.
And that would have been my episode out, but then we have to take two seconds to learn (a) that Papa Suarez is using a fake Social Security number, and (b) Fey Sommers and Wilhelmina are very pleased with the results of their music box shenanigans.
Speaking of Wilhelmina, she's at work in her office when Carlo Medina enters the room. She tells him that she's asked him there to tell him that he's an underhanded bastard and a slimy weasel, that he has no moral compass, and so on and so forth. In short, she'd like him to spy for Mode.
Back at the Suarezes', Justin is getting totally bawled out by Hilda for skipping school, but he totally doesn't care, saying that it was worth it. Hilda clearly doesn't appreciate this, and Betty gets a dirty look for it. As for Betty, she turns down her father's offer of a snack in favor of going to bed, when music starts up outside. It's Walter. Singing the theme to Beauty And The Beast. Poorly, obviously. This is one of those things that is the cutest thing ever when you like the boy, and frighteningly psychotic when you don't. And yet Betty goes out there to see what the hell Walter's up to, sits to him, and finally, horrifyingly, chimes in. Oh, girl. You can do better.