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Hoo ha! Okay, boring stuff first. Daniel is totally a sex addict. Betty goes so far as to arrange a meeting for him with a guy from Psychology Now, on the fourteenth floor, who coincidentally also used to be a sex addict. And the guy's treatment method? Giving Daniel some sort of crazy-ass pills. Great, now he'll be all wacky on the junk. He does eventually come through, however, with some first-class tickets to Guadalajara for the whole Suarez family, since Ignacio needs to go back to Mexico due to some weird immigration law. Shut up, U.S. Department of Immigration. Also not as exciting as it might be, sadly, is Alexis discovering that Rodrigo is in cahoots with Bradford to get her out of the country. She's pissed, and also pretty sad, and it looks like she might take out Bradford in short order. On a more exciting note, Wilhelmina schemes to get Bradford to divorce Claire. She visits a rough-around-the-edges (and rough-looking) Claire in prison, and once Claire sees Wilhelmina's feet, she knows that Wilhelmina and Bradford are totally doing it. She doesn't take so kindly to the news, and threatens to kill Wilhelmina if she doesn't stay away from her husband. This gives Wili an idea, so she actually has Marc (I know!) rough her up a little, and he accidentally knocks her down some stairs. But it's all for the greater good. Wili, battered and in a neck brace, tells Bradford that Claire is responsible, and he finally starts talking divorce. Meanwhile, it is Administrative Professionals' Day, and the Mode crew goes to a cheesy middle ages-themed restaurant where Amanda was previously the featured head serving wench. Nick, who hates Betty after discovering that she ate his yogurt out of the fridge, taunts her as she is riding a mechanical steed, and Henry totally tries to defend her honor. This involves an American Gladiators-style jousting match, which Henry loses. Because, you know, he's kind of wimpy. BUT! As he is about to pass out, he looks up at Betty and says, "I love you." I KNOW! This promising moment is interrupted by none other than Charlie, who tells Betty to stay away from her man. They go off together before Betty can get clarification about Henry's feelings, so she decides to take her anger out on Nick, and totally whacks him upside the head with the jousting stick. She may not have gotten the guy (yet), but she at least gets to be the office hero for a little while. Want more? The full recap starts right below!

Previously on Ugly Betty: Bradford loves soft, supple, womanly feet, and Wilhelmina loves the idea of getting her hands on Mode, so the two totally started doing it. However, he told her in no uncertain terms that he's not going to divorce Claire, leaving her no choice but to out-devious even herself. Bradford paid a hunky Brazilian dude to seduce Alexis and try to get her out of the country. It's pretty dastardly, but at least it allowed Alexis to finally try out her lady parts. Betty told Daniel that she thinks he's a sex addict, and Charlie came off the elevator at just the right time to realize that Henry is a Betty addict. And as if all this weren't enough, it looks like Ignacio is getting sent back to Mexico.

We open with Betty in curlers, telling someone that $1200 is a ridiculous price for a ticket to Guadalajara. Turns out she's at the Cosmetology Institute, where Hilda grabs the phone and yells that they can't afford that. Betty tells the person on the other end of the phone that she does not want the package deal to Acapulco, and that her father is getting sent back to Mexico to wait for his visa. She should try Priceline, although then, Ignacio might ending up going back to the old country on the back of La Cucaracha.

A woman with an attitude asks Hilda if she's still working on Betty's nails, and tells her that the final exam will be timed. This is Valerie, and she has one big hair-pouf on the side of her head, kind of like a Pointer Sister. Hilda goes to her and says that she's having some family problems. Valerie Pointer could give a rat. She says she doesn't want Hilda's excuses -- she wants her commitment to beauty. Hilda says, "What does thiiiiis...look like?" in a really hilarious manner, but Valerie is not amused. She fakes Hilda out into thinking that she's interested in her life by asking about her engagement ring, but really, she wants her to lose it. She also says that Hilda can't do a manicure with the claws that she is currently sporting. She tells Hilda to cut them before tomorrow's exam, or she'll fail. No! It's like Samson's hair! Don't do it, Hilda! Hilda walks back to Betty and says that Valerie is 130 pounds of bitch. Valerie pops from behind a mirror and asks what Hilda said, and Hilda meekly says, "One hundred and twenty." Valerie's ten pounds of ego are satisfied.

Hilda asks Betty if they can call travel agents in the evening and offers to cancel her date with Santos. Betty says that she can't be there that night. There's a Mode party for Administrative Professionals' Day.