Ugly Betty EP. TITLE AIR/PUB'L GRADE AUTHOR 2-13 A Thousand Words

A Thousand Words By Friday

A Thousand Words By Friday - As Betty does research for her big break, Henry proves that he can insult a woman as well as if not better than Gio. Daniel gets freaky with Wili's sister, and Amanda reunites with her father, Gene Simmons.

Potes

Odor In The Court

Odor In The Court - Betty saves the day again, this time unwittingly exposing herself to poisonous toad venom to prove Claire's innocence. Meanwhile, Gio's feelings for Betty deepen, and Christina might be having a lot of Bradhelmina's demon spawn. Is eleven-tuplets a word?

Potes

Zero Worship

Zero Worship - Amanda receives some confusing words from a psychic, which lead her to believe she inherited a giant tongue. Wili's hostile womb puts a hitch in her pregnancy scheme, as does her unwitting hiring of a surrogate who's secretly a porn dominatrix. And Betty's advocacy for the use of real-sized women in Mode's fashion show is great for both saving the children and generating huge amounts of publicity.

Potes

Bananas For Betty

Bananas For Betty - Daniel and Alexis battle it out for control of Meade Publications, while Wili battles against her own negative image. She briefly rehabilitates before ill-advisedly tangling with Betty White. Yes, THE Betty White. But no matter. She has plenty of Meade sperm in the freezer, which I'm sure will fix everything. And Gio inspires Betty to try to add some excitement to her relationship with Henry, but she eventually learns that she likes her boyfriend just the way he is.

Potes

Giving Up The Ghost

Giving Up The Ghost - After crashing Bradford's funeral and landing in a grave, Wili invokes computer meltdown program Medusa X to destroy all of Mode's files, including those for the upcoming issue. Daniel and Alexis struggle to save the day, with the help of Betty and the few staffers who haven't defected to Slater.

Potes

I See Me, I.C.U.

I See Me, I.C.U. - Claire heads back in to town to enlist Betty's help in ensuring that her kids have not been bumped from Bradford's will. They haven't, and when Wili learns this, she engages Marc in a get-married-to-the-old-coot-quick scheme. But Bradford's on to her, and so she's doubly foiled. Claire and Bradford have a deathbed reunion, and Bradford asks a troubled Betty -- who has decided that she needs to leave Mode of her own accord -- to take care of Daniel when he's gone. Why are rich people always screwing with her newly formed convictions?

Potes

A Nice Day For A Posh Wedding

A Nice Day For A Posh Wedding - Wili's indiscretion with her bodyguard becomes even more indiscreet when Daniel starts to get suspicious, leading to lots of guilt and a hard choice for Betty. Christina's husband comes back from Scotland with a new attitude and an old liver. Ignacio and Betty fight, then make up. And Posh almost ruins Wili's wedding day by stealing her thunder before Bradford definitely ruins her wedding day by having a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack. She ought to know by now that nothing comes easy when you're that evil all the time.

Potes

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Something Wicked This Way Comes - Keeping up Henry and Betty's secret romance proves a little more complicated than expected, and they can't even enjoy a nice night at the theater together. They can, however, enjoy some hot lovin' set to the dulcet tones of two Broadway witches. Things aren't going well for Wili, as her daughter makes a lame excuse to get out of her wedding, and Wili herself actually has to eat for the first time in seventeen years. Meanwhile, Marc effs up with Cliff, and Daniel uses his only asset to try to woo a potential advertising client.

Potes

A League Of Their Own

A League Of Their Own - Betty attempts to find love online, but really finds a not-so-nice NiceGuy47. Henry is there to save the day, and to finally get Betty to acquiesce to romance. Meanwhile, Justin continues to act out, Alexis gets her memory back, Claire contemplates shooting Wili, and Marc is soon going to get mauled by a bear.

Potes

Grin And Bear It

Grin And Bear It - When Betty sort of accidentally plagiarizes an article for her writing class, guilt-laden hijinx ensue. So she's already feeling bad when she learns that Charlie's baby is Henry's. Daniel defends Alexis to a bigoted Beek from the Creek and loses an advertising account in the process, all of which feeds into Wili's attempt to sabotage Mode. And speaking of Wili, we learn that the skeleton in her closet, which has bigger hair and a bigger nose, is named Wanda.

Potes

Betty's Wait Problem

Betty's Wait Problem - After telling Henry they need to wait to see if he's a babydaddy, Betty gets the sandwich guy fired before bonding with him a little and realizing she needs to return to her writing. Wili "reminds" Alexis how they were BFFs and gets her to give her approval to the Slater/Meade nuptials. Claire sneaks into the Mode Black and White Ball to try to win back Bradford, to no avail. Amanda realizes that the easiest way to fame is through showing off your naughty bits. Daniel can walk but is pretending not to so he can bone someone. And Ignacio does not die at the hands of the man he thought he murdered thirty-odd years ago.

Potes

Family/Affair

Family/Affair - Henry's back, and finally gets the facts about Charlie. Bradford and Alexis do some father-daughter bonding based on lies. Amanda inherits a dog. Justin makes a kick-ass intern. Betty and Christina hear Wili having sex with her bodyguard, and Betty faces a moral quandary as Wili tells her if she keeps her trap shut, her father will get his visa approved. If someone doesn't kill him first.

Potes

How Betty Got Her Grieve Back

How Betty Got Her Grieve Back - Henry is gone (then back), Betty is sad (then a pirate), Santos is alive (then dead), Alexis is in a coma (then awake), Daniel's guilty (then a magic healer), Claire's a fugitive on the lam (then a nun), Amanda is adopted (then someone who thinks she had sex with her half-brother), and Wili's the same bitch she always was.

Potes

East Side Story

East Side Story - In brief: Daniel and Alexis are perhaps dead. Santos is most likely dead. Wili and Bradford are engaged, and she will most likely die after Claire's successful prison break. But not before she sells Marc into indentured servitude. Christina has a husband in Scotland. Amanda is Fey's daughter. Charlie is pregnant, but the baby might actually be Dr. Farkas's. And Betty is Drew Barrymore. Enough going on for you?

Potes

A Tree Grows In Guadalajara

A Tree Grows In Guadalajara - Fun times in Mexico! And poignant times, as Betty finds the grandmother she thought was dead. And sad times, as Ignacio's visa is denied and someone might want to kill him. Back in New York, Wili puts Bradford through a twenty-four-hour midlife crisis before finally getting him to sign his divorce papers; Alexis has a reckoning with her ex; Daniel is still wacky on the junk; and Marc and Amanda discover that the love dungeon is real, and it's fabulous.

Potes

Secretaries Day

Secretaries Day - Claire discovers Wili's affair with Bradford and threatens to kill her. Wili takes this prompt to have Marc beat her up and frames Claire for it, and divorce looks imminent. Meanwhile, there are lots of shenanigans with a bucking bronco and Nick Pepper, and the long and the short of it is that Henry tells Betty he loves her. In other positive news, Daniel finally stops being a dink and buys Betty and her family tickets to Guadalajara so her dad can get his visa.

Potes

Petra-gate

Petra-gate - Betty is totally mad at everyone, but she makes up with everyone and manages to save the day in record time by uncovering the fact that Daniel's underage discretion is not, in fact, underage. Wili works on becoming Bradford's right-foot man and devises a scheme to get Alexis out of the country that involves a hot Brazilian. Meanwhile, Santos proposes to Hilda, and Amanda finds lust with a faux-mo.

Potes

Punch Out

Punch Out - As a sleazy celebrity biographer prowls around, Alexis learns about Bradford and Fey's alleged secret love dungeon, and Wili learns that the true way to Bradford's heart is through her feet. Meanwhile, Betty has lost some sense of boss-employee boundary, and pisses a boozy and slutty Daniel off royally. Until he accidentally sleeps with a sixteen-year-old model and needs her help. Also, we get verification that Constance is crazy, but that's kind of okay with Ignacio.

Potes

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Don't Ask, Don't Tell - So, as it turns out, family kind of sucks. Despite Claire's peacemaking efforts, the other members of the Meade clan are all at each other's throats. Daniel tries to make nice by splitting control of Mode with Alexis, but she schemes to get full power. Meanwhile, Betty agrees to be Marc's beard when his not-so-gay-friendly mother comes to town, and Wilhelmina angles to become Daniel and Alexis's evil stepmother. Don't think about either one of those arrangements in too much detail if you have a sensitive stomach.

Potes

Icing On The Cake

Icing On The Cake - This episode is all about evasion, as Daniel tries to prevent his mother from confessing, Ignacio tries to prevent Constance from molesting him, and Betty tries to prevent her real feelings for Henry from coming to the surface. Despite the presence of sexual subterfuge, General Foods International Coffees, and an orthodontist, none of them is successful.

Potes

Derailed

Derailed - Wili is perturbed by Alexis is remaining allied with Daniel even after Wili punches a guy out on Alexis's behalf; as a result, Wili makes her minions suffer for it. Daniel is perturbed that the best lawyer in the business won't take Bradford's case due to an old vendetta from college, and uses his wiles to get both some booty and some information on the case. Betty is perturbed that Henry has a girlfriend, so she deliberately loses said girlfriend on the subway in a plan that spectacularly backfires. And Bradford is perturbed that Claire wants to confess to having killed Fey.

Potes

Brothers

Brothers - Alexis temporarily takes over Meade Publications, but Daniel buys a week with some legal maneuvers. Claire and Betty spend a day together at the spa, and devise a way for Alexis and Daniel to get together and talk out their issues. Betty and Walter break up, and it looks like happy endings with Henry until his ex-girlfriend shows up with impeccable timing. And, finally, Claire drunkenly confesses to Betty that she killed Fey.

Potes

I'm Coming Out

I'm Coming Out - I want the world to know! I've got to let it show! At New York's Fashion Week! Show my female physique! Briefly I'll mislead! Then say, "It's Alex Meade! You all thought I was dead! I'm hormoned up instead!" My bro's a human blister! Got drunk, kissed Betty's sister! My evil plan won't fail! My dad's hauled off to jail! I'm! Coming! Out!

Potes

In Or Out

In Or Out - It's good verses evil as Wilhelmina and Alex/Alexis Meade (formerly known as Bandage Lady!) get ready for their big takeover. Meanwhile, Daniel returns to the office after a brief hiatus due to heartbreak, and Betty gets her job back.

Potes

Sofia's Choice

Sofia's Choice - Betty "Nancy Drew" Suarez discovers that Sofia has been playing Daniel, but gets to him just a hair too late, so he is humiliated on morning television. That's a sad way to go, man. Meanwhile, Wilhelmina, in a sex-haze, is temporarily nice, and Ignacio doesn't get deported.

Potes

Swag

Swag - If everything here seems kind of old and kind of familiar, that's because this episode happens IN THE PAST! But we learn some vital stuff, like that Daniel is broke, and that Betty has spunk and pluck (okay, maybe we know that part), and also that there's more than meets the eye when it comes to Wilhelmina's ass.

Potes

Fake Plastic Snow

Fake Plastic Snow - It's holiday party time! And while America (Ferrera, and the United States of) falls for Henry, Daniel tries to figure out if he's really in love with Salma, or just in lust.

Jessica

Lose The Boss?

Lose The Boss? - Daniel's too hung over to work, so Betty takes over the magazine for the day. Well, sort of. She impresses Salma enough to get a job offer out of her. Things are awesome! Well, until INS drags Ignacio away.

Jessica

Four Thanksgivings And A Funeral

Four Thanksgivings And A Funeral - It's a time to be thankful. So be thankful you're not Betty.

M. Giant

After Hours

After Hours - Betty's tragic sad-sack boyfriend Walter continues his reign of terror as he makes it nearly impossible for her to complete a writing assignment for Daniel. Wil has an easier time of it: she gets lucky. As for Daniel, he just totally gets played.

Jessica

Trust, Lust And Must

Trust, Lust And Must - Betty MUST find a whole bunch of money to keep her dad in the country. Daniel LUSTS for everyone who moves, including a babelicious Salma Hayek. And no one TRUSTS Wil, including her daughter.

Jessica

The Lyin', The Watch And The Wardrobe

The Lyin', The Watch And The Wardrobe - It's Halloween at Mode, and Betty learns that Daniel is a manwhore, and that Amanda is in love with him. Daniel learns that his father and Fey had been having an affair for most of his life. And Betty decides to settle for Walter despite having an adorable new romantic option in the office.

Jessica

Fey's Sleigh Ride

Fey's Sleigh Ride - Mode is in upheaval when the Hot Yard Guy from The O.C. manages to get the scoop about Mode's big Christmas feature spread from unknown sources. We do know that Amanda, Marc, and Betty each gave him a bit of information at a networking event, and they assume that they're to blame. The three of them implode together under the stress of trying to keep the secret (Marc starts carrying an inhaler everywhere; Amanda inhales all the food in sight), but it turns out that they weren't entirely to blame after all, and I think they might even be a little bit friendly now. In other news: Betty's dad has a fake Social Security number, and Daniel realizes that not only was his father having an affair with Fey, but he may have killed her off.

Jessica

Queens For A Day

Queens For A Day - Betty's used her Queens connections to talk a big-name photog (who hates Meade Publishing) into meeting with Daniel, and Daniel asks her to "dress up" a bit for their lunch. So Hilda takes Betty for a makeover, which doesn't really go that well, frankly, but at least it takes care of the monobrow. Sadly, although the kids in Queens think she looks awesome, Betty gets a rather humiliating dressing-down from Wilhelmina for her new look, and gets all sobby in the bathroom and refuses to go along to lunch. Anyway, blah blah blah of course Betty ends up showing up at the lunch anyway, and yada yada yada looks aren't everything and she saves the day, thwarting Wilhelmina in the process.

Jessica

The Box And The Bunny

The Box And The Bunny - Betty takes The Book home for safekeeping, and Gina The Slutty Neighbor steals it and holds it for ransom. There's a whole lot of self-blame from Betty for letting it get stolen, and from Daniel for leaving it behind at the office in the first place, but they manage -- surprise, surprise! -- to band together as a team and come out the better for it. Also, Non-Dead Fey Sommers places a very mysterious call to Daniel, telling him to investigate his father a little more closely, just as Bradford breaks into Fey's old apartment and starts burning items he feels might be incriminating.

Jessica

Pilot

Pilot - Betty doesn't exactly fit in at Mode Magazine, where she's been hired as the assistant to the editor-in-chief simply because the owner of said company doesn't want said editor -- his son -- to sleep with his assistant. Again. Of course, Daniel -- the aforementioned horny editor-in-chief -- spends forty-five minutes trying to humiliate Betty into quitting, only to be won over in the end by her pluck, her smarts, and the clever editorial campaign she comes up with for a Donatella Versace-esque Gina Gershon.

Jessica