London: Garden Flat

MPDP appears, wearing a black sweater with a modified Union Jack image on it, jeans, and an off-white coat. Since there isn't quite enough international tension in the world at present, the bright bulbs at Trading Spaces have decided to send Gen and Hildi to London. MPDP welcomes us to Trading Spaces, the "program on the telly" (with the predictable bad English accent) where two sets of neighbours swap houses...you know the drill. She carries on: "Well, God save the Queen, 'cause Trading Spaces has jumped the pond to London, England." They're redecorating flats in Westminster. She adds that the homeowners "truly reflect the international nature of this great city." Meaning, of course, that in a population of something like seven million people, not one of the participants is actually English. Perhaps all the English folk knew better than to sign up with this crew, or maybe they're all holding their breath to be on Changing Rooms, the British show on which Trading Spaces is based.

We see Laura -- who's American but has been living in London for the last ten years -- and her cute Scottish "friend" Moray, who will be her partner for the purposes of this show. Whether they are other than friends is anyone's guess, since there are clues leading to various conclusions throughout the show. Moray and Laura walk out into Laura's garden to kick around a soccer ball. The other homeowners are Jovo (a British citizen from Yugoslavia) and Kim (an American); we see them walking merrily down the street with their two daughters, Camille and Yasmina.

MPDP's back with more quasi-British accented commentary: "Well, we might be playing an away match of sorts, but we can't bloody well be changing the rules of game, now, can we?" I don't know if this is going to be shown in the U.K., but I figure if it is, viewers all over the British Isles will be laughing themselves sick as they heap scorn on the fake accents from the Americans. I think it would do wonders for international relations if everybody stopped imitating or mocking everybody else's accents, but that's probably just me. MPDP informs us that the designers will have ₤648 to work with, and introduces the team, who are walking around the Abbey Road area: "Handy" Andy Kane, of Changing Rooms, wearing his trademark "Handy Andy" sweatshirt. Then there's Gen, who seems to think she's auditioning for the Radio City Rockettes, or something, since she keeps doing high kicks. She appears to be barefoot, despite the weather's being cold enough to require jackets. (I guess Paul is her favourite.) Hildi skips happily after Gen, kicking, but not quite as high. The three of them are shown crossing Abbey Road, in the manner of the Beatles. However, as several forum posters have pointed out, the walking is a bit more John Cleese than John Lennon. It might have been cool if they'd set up the shot exactly like the album cover, but they didn't. They could have used MPDP to fill it out. Anyway, as they cross, there's a white van stopped, its driver watching them, and you can just hear the driver thinking, "Flippin' exuberant idiots. Must be Yanks." What I wouldn't give for a Pop-Up Video version of this show!

Kim and Jovo want their daughters' bedroom redone; it's small, and very, very cluttered with toys, books, clothes, stuffed animals, pictures, and whatnot. The girls are seven and five. Their room is white, with wooden beds at right angles to each other, a bay window, and a wall of built-in storage -- some open, some covered with cupboard doors. The floor looks like beige tiles, vinyl or linoleum or something. Kim says she and Jovo don't like the clutter in the room and need help with organizing all the girls' stuff. Jovo thinks the room is a good size. Kim says it's a toddlers' room, and now that the girls are older, maybe something a bit more feminine would be nice. Kim and Jovo agree that everything is fair game.

MPDP voice-overs that Laura's not so easygoing about her bedroom and its "dire lack of storage." It's a small room with a fairly high ceiling. I've seen larger walk-in closets in McMansion bedrooms. She has a double bed. The walls are white, and there's a nice pair of French doors that lead to the garden. There are long beige curtains over the doors. There's a shallow built-in cupboard in orangey-toned wood, which runs from floor to ceiling, but it's not deep enough to hang clothes. There's a square alcove above the bed, maybe nine inches deep, with wall lamps and bedside paraphernalia in it. The bed linens are lilac and purple (although, in other shots, they look light blue and dark blue). Her clothes are hanging on two freestanding metal racks, the kind you'd see in discount stores. Along the wall opposite the French doors, she's got two IKEA Kurs chests of drawers -- one wider, one narrower. I've got the wide one, too, and frankly, I wouldn't recommend buying it. The design and construction are disappointing and I wish I'd never bought it. I don't even know what I was thinking; it's not really my style. Anyway, Moray mentions that there's not much that Laura likes about the room. She laughs and says she either loves something or hates something. She doesn't like the lack of closet space: she says "our clothes get dusty." So does he live here, or what? ["Oops. I didn't see this one and assumed that Moray was a woman." -- Wing Chun] Moray points out the box that juts into the corner of the room at the ceiling, which is concealing pipes for the bathroom which was added to the flat. Laura hates it; it's an eyesore. MPDP asks for final words of wisdom. Laura: "Have fun, but not too much fun." Kim: "If we do Laura and Moray's room, and they don't like it, Laura will never speak to me again." Back to Laura, who says that she and Kim are colleagues and they have to see each other every day, so she's not worried. Except you can tell she totally is. Laura says that Kim won't let her down. Moray: "Famous last words." I'm having flashbacks to Sunburst Kasey and I'm not liking it.

Key swap. MPDP marvels over the homeowners' keys, which are the old-fashioned type of key, probably cast iron. She can't quite believe they're the real keys: "This is so cool! I love this. We are in London!" She runs through the rules, and warns them not to think they'll get away with anything budgetwise, pulling out her calculator and declaring, "Baby, I got my calculator right here and I know how to convert!" Don't mess with Mindy and her mad math skillz.

Kim and Jovo find Gen measuring the width of clothes hangers. She tells them that they're going to be making a clothes closet, and asks them for three of their ideas. Kim refers to the wooden cupboard and hardwood floors and says she thought Tudor would be lovely. She also thought a fireplace would be lovely, too. Gen would agree with that if it were a bigger room. Putting in a fireplace seems like a pretty big project, and this room doesn't really seem big enough, anyway. Apparently, there's a fireplace underneath the alcove. I guess it was built in so that the bed could be put there, because there aren't a lot of other places the bed could go. Jovo's idea is to put beams of wood along the ceiling the same dimensions as the box hiding the pipes, so it would look intentional and not be such an eyesore. Gen thinks that's a cool idea, although since she's just heard about it now, it's unlikely there'd be money in the budget for it. Gen wants to bring colour into the room and add desperately-needed storage. They unload the room.

Laura and Moray find Hildi unclipping stuffed animals from the string on which they're hanging, letting each fall to its doom. Moray says they need to get rid of the clutter. Laura thinks each girl should have her own separate side of the room. Hildi wants to make the room a place where each girl can do whatever she wants and they can move the furniture around if they like. She gestures to the open storage shelves and says there's so much stuff there, she can't imagine them ever using it all, and adds that they're going to focus on that. She says they're going to give them a soft floor which will increase their space by allowing them to use the floor a lot more than they probably do now. Also, there will be a really "funky, wild, fun paint treatment." Frink: "'Of me!'" Me: "Nah, I don't think she'd do that again so soon." She gets them to unload the room. During that sequence, MPDP finds a little witch's hat and puts it on Hildi. Hildi wears it around for a bit. MPDP also finds a big rubber ear or something, puts it on, sticks her face up into the camera and cleans it out with her little finger, and does some mugging. Later, she holds up two big balls in front of her chest.

Gen reveals her paint colours; she says she doesn't want the room to be closed in. She opens a can of paint that's a very orangey-gold colour, like a bright turmeric. Jovo: "Looks like English mustard." He must be familiar with Gen's food-inspired schemes. She paints some on the wall. Gen says something about mustard and ketchup, which makes me think there's going to be red, as well.

MPDP comes into Hildi's room, where everything is being painted a bright white. MPDP puts on her sunglasses and asks if they're really just painting everything white. HIldi: "For now." MPDP wants to know what that means. The sound on Hildi's mike here isn't too good, and all I can make out of her response is something about "putting colours up." She bumps MPDP with her hips for emphasis. MPDP seems slightly nervous and keeps pressing for details. Hildi refers to a wild and crazy, free-spirited wall finish that they're going to do. Now I'm a little nervous. MPDP asks Hildi's team if they're clued in, and if MPDP is the only one who doesn't know what's happening. Laura wants to know what Hildi means by "throw."