The show opens, as usual, with Mindy Paige Davis Page explaining the premise of the show. In case you're wondering about the name, her real name is Mindy Paige Davis, and her husband's name is Patrick Page. Obviously, she's dropped the Mindy professionally and isn't taking her husband's last name, but it's still fun to think about what her name would be if she hadn't done both those things. At least to me. Anyway, if you're reading this, I'm sure you all know the premise of the show, but just in case: two sets of neighbors exchange homes for two days, and with a budget of $1000, work with a designer to redo one room in their neighbors' house. This week, the action takes place in the south Los Angeles neighborhood of View Park. Paige points out the "beautiful homes and stunning views!" Behind her, you can see the city of Los Angeles, and it does look pretty nice. ["Nice and smoggy." -- Wing Chun]
Our first shot of the homeowners reveals that they are doing yoga in the yard. Paige voice-overs that this episode "promises a cosmic California vibe and all-women teams." That's okay. With all women, there's a greater probability that someone will cry. The first pair is a mother and daughter: Marcia, and her sixteen-year-old daughter, Jade. Marcia does some stretches and Jade just stares at her with that typical teenage scorn, then starts laughing at her mom. Marcia asks if Jade is laughing at her or with her, and Jade lies, "With you." Jade and Marcia do a tandem stretch, and MPDP voice-overs that they are "using yoga to prepare mind, body, and spirit for the Trading Spaces challenge."
The other pair is Cheryl and her "best pal" Judy. I don't know what the deal is with these two; they're probably just friends, but after the last episode where the lesbian couple wasn't allowed to say the word "lesbian" during taping, who knows? It doesn't help matters that they are shown giving each other massages and posing in semi-compromising positions. But who cares about their sexuality? Not me.
Now it's time to meet this week's designers and carpenter. Vern and Laurie sit poolside while Ty hops in and gives his adoring (some of them, anyway) fans a glimpse of his semi-naked body. Vern tries to throw a life preserver around Ty's neck when you know that he would really like to wring it, because Vern hates Ty. Another homeowner yoga shot transitions us to the segment.
Cheryl says that her den needs personality, because right now it's just a catchall. We pan around a fairly bare, white-walled room. Cheryl explains that she exercises in there, and we see an exercise bike, and she also has a television in there for "light entertaining." The camera pans across a sad-looking futon with a black cushion. Judy interjects that she doesn't even want to go into that room, and that it needs a more human touch. It is pretty sterile. Cheryl says that the worst thing that she could imagine would be coming into her den and finding "shocking colors" like bright reds. Judy suggests chartreuse or bright green as other undesirable colors. At this point, I was sure that Vern would be designing her room, given his penchant for red, and the show's penchant for matching homeowners up with the designer who will do something they hate.
“ I wish there were more peeking. I saw one episode where the homeowners got busted peeking, and it was hilarious. ”
Paige explains that, like Cheryl's den, Marcia and Jade's dining room has to serve many purposes, but at about half the size. The camera pans around yet another white-walled room. There's a print on one wall, and a glass and wicker-looking dining room set. Then, there is baker's rack in the corner. Most importantly for later, there is a built-in shelf/serving counter that takes up one whole wall. Jade says that she does her homework at the table. Marcia says that she likes to sit at the table in the mornings and have coffee, and read the paper, because the room gets great light due to the huge window. Marcia says that she would like the room to be more warm and inviting, and that she's not afraid of color. Marcia points out that the big window looks out onto the patio and their view of the city, so it might be a good idea to take an advantage of that.
It's time for the key swap. Paige and the homeowners laugh at Judy, who is holding a giant laundry bag. Paige points out that they're only going to be gone for one night. Judy explains that she needs her down comforter because her husband won't be with her. So I guess they are just friends. Paige reminds the homeowners that they have two days and $1000 to complete the project. And there is no peeking. I wish there were more peeking. I saw one episode where the homeowners got busted peeking, and it was hilarious.
Judy and Cheryl run into Marcia and Jade's house and meet up with Vern. So I guess I was wrong about Vern painting Cheryl's room red. Paige voice-overs that for such a small space, there is a huge built-in counter, and Vern wants to get rid of it. Vern greets Cheryl and Judy and says that the dining room needs help. Judy says that they can do a lot with such a small space. Cheryl suggests that they bring "the inside out," when I think she meant that they should bring the outside in, but I got the gist. Judy suggests removing the counter. Vern agrees, because it's a huge eyesore. He knows that Marcia likes the convenience of having a serving area, but he has some plans. Vern explains that the counter is a remnant from a kitchen pass-through ["which I totally called as soon as I saw it" -- Wing Chun], and that he has plans to put in a built-in cabinet along the longest wall. The cabinet will have lots of storage space, glass shelves, and lighting to highlight Marcia's art and sculpture. Judy is really excited about the glass, for some reason. Cheryl brings up the need for color; Vern agrees, and adds that they will also be giving her a new dining-room table and chairs. ["Thank god, because that glass and white wicker was a Pier One-looking furniture abortion." -- Wing Chun] Cheryl and Judy are excited, and they clear the room without any wacky hijinks.
Marcia and Jade head for Cheryl's home to meet up with Laurie. Paige voice-overs that Laurie has an "ambitious agenda." Laurie greets Marcia and Jade with hugs and asks if they are ready, because they are going to make a lot of changes. Laurie asks again if they are ready. Yes, woman, they already said that they were. Laurie asks for an idea from each of them, like she doesn't already have the entire room planned out. Marcia suggests a wall unit for the television and stereo. Jade wants to do something with the sad futon. Laurie says that she'll be adding bold color, lots of fabrics, window treatments, and a new area rug. They'll be using black as a contrast color. You hear that, Hilde? You can use black as a contrast color instead of the main color. Laurie says that they are going to use a wall unit, but it might not be what Marcia has in mind. Laurie details a new screen, and some "dramatic artwork" and some "dramatic shelves." I'm not sure how shelves can be dramatic, but I'm sure that Laurie will show me. They clear the room. I notice that Laurie didn't do any of her trademark room-clearing dances.
Los Angeles: Springdale Drive
Vern tries to get the counter off the wall. He explains that the counter has a cover, and that he's trying to get the cover off without taking the wall down with it. Good plan.
Marcia and Jade walk into the den with some cans of paint, and find Laurie taping squares on the wall. She asks if she's scaring them yet. Lady, you've been scaring me for months. Marcia and Jade are a bit wary. Laurie explains that she's creating "a really contemporary, bold, modern art statement." Basically, she's making a geometric design with interlocking squares and rectangles on each side of the big window of the room, and then they will paint the shapes various colors. Laurie acts like it's the most complex project in the world, but it's nothing compared to that Matisse mural she did in that one couple's basement. You know, the episode with the giant Nutcracker. No, not Hilde.
Vern slams the counter with a mallet, shouting that he wants the counter out of there, and grunting. Cheryl and Judy watch, looking kind of concerned for Vern's sanity. The Vern fans get a nice shot of Vern's biceps, since he's wearing his patented tight black polo shirt. Vern grunts like a pirate, but all he's doing is knocking a hole in the shelf. It's not budging from the wall. Vern stops for a moment and comments that pounding the counter with a mallet is "cheap therapy." The bumper to the commercial shows Vern once again trying to lasso Ty with a life preserver. I think I saw some fan fiction about that. Yes, there is Trading Spaces fanfic. No, you really shouldn't read it. It's disturbing.
The bumper back into the show reveals Vern, still pounding away at that counter. Over in the other house, Laurie reveals that the paint colors for her modern art masterpieces are shades of turquoise and aqua. She pronounces turquoise "TER-kwaaas." Marcia oohs and aahs over the colors.
Paige walks in and finds Vern still pounding away while Cheryl and Judy just stand there watching nervously. Paige comments on the demolition and nearly walks into Vern's mallet as he is swinging it. Hee! That would have been funny. I don't hate Paige, but she is kind of annoying at times. She squawks, and now her resemblance to a baby bird is complete. Paige suggests that she should "sit on top of it and bounce." Many of her detractors suggested the exact same thing, but I don't think they were talking about the counter. Vern continues to pound on the counter, asking if it's going well. Paige asks if she should go get Ty and warn him that he has some repatching to do. Vern collapses in exhaustion.
Los Angeles: Springdale Drive
“ Ty asks if they were using 'a broken hammer or just a chunk of brick' to chip away the remnants, since the wall is in such terrible shape. Vern laughs, but you know that he's dying inside. ”
Laurie explains the concept of her artwork using her best kindergarten-teacher voice. There will apparently be "muted, floating shapes," and then she's going to use black painted crown molding to create a frame around them. She explains it way too much. I think we got the concept, and it's not like it hasn't been done on the show before. Marcia likes the idea, but Jade is apparently mute.
Vern uses a circular saw to remove the rest of the counter from the wall. There's a huge gap in the drywall where the counter was, and I think there's even some wallpaper underneath. So they applied the drywall right over the top of the wallpaper and existing wall? No wonder the room is so small. Ty walks in and asks what's going on, and what Vern has done. Vern shoots death daggers at Ty with his eyes. Ty explains that Vern could have used a Sawzall and it wouldn't have left counter remnants attached to the wall. The Sawzall really is a wonder tool. Ty condescends that Vern should have called him for help. ["I mentioned that, too. You can't spell 'Trading Spaces' without 'ESP." -- Wing Chun] Vern doesn't want to say that he hates Ty and would never ask for his help, so he diplomatically explains that he knows Ty is busy, and that the remnants are chipping right off, so Vern's way is working just fine. Ty asks if they were using "a broken hammer or just a chunk of brick" to chip away the remnants, since the wall is in such terrible shape. Vern laughs, but you know that he's dying inside.
Marcia and Jade are preparing to apply the paint to the walls with rollers. Laurie discovers that they have never painted a room before. Laurie grabs the roller from Marcia and advises her to make sure she doesn't have much paint on the roller to prevent drips, and then roll the paint on in a W-formation, and then go back over the unpainted areas. Wow, I bet this paint job is going to be fantastic! Except not. The wall color, by the way, appears to be a sunny yellow.
Vern explains his construction projects to Ty. He's making a ten-foot-long cabinet with a recessed surface, into which he will insert tile, since it's going to be a serving surface. That sounds really cool. I kind of want one. Vern explains that the cabinet doors will be solid, and that he bought pre-manufactured legs that can be screwed on. He really doesn't trust Ty at all, does he?
Marcia and Jade are still painting. Jade must have been complaining about how long it's taking, because Marcia reminds her that they've only done about a quarter of one wall. Jade makes a comment about "child labor," and Marcia says that Jade is "always reimbursed for her efforts in one form or fashion." I'm assuming that she's referring to the fact that Jade has, you know, food and clothing. Jade doesn't seem too impressed. She's kind of a brat. Or she's, you know, sixteen. I'm not too sure about their painting technique.