By Kim
So here are the highlights in a hail of bullets, with full details to be filled in with the full recap:
- Tom admits that they were on the fence between Blais and Mike in the finale judging. Gail was the most on Mike's side, and still can't shut up about the pepperoni sauce.
- Blais is trying to make good on his promise to give Mike money for his restaurant, but they already said on Watch What Happens that Mike doesn't need the money because he has plenty of investors.
- Mike's mom and Antonia's mom are BFF now.
- Jenn's hair looks much better than it did in the finale. She's disappointed that she got so emotional at her elimination, but Gail says she was impressed with Jenn's passion.
- Padma says that out of the contestants, she'd go on a date with Elia or Casey, or she'd motorboat Antonia. WHAT? Where did that come from? PADMA! You are a mother!
- Jamie is glad she did the show, even if she knows it didn't work out as she hoped. Tiffani admits that if she had won in her season, it would have "validated her bullshit" because she behaved horribly.
- Nearly everyone (but Jamie? Tough to get a head count) say they would come back again. Mike claims he should be on some sort of Masters program, and everyone groans.
- Andy calls Elia out for her comments post-elimination on Tom being a sell-out for doing Diet Coke commercials and not buying local beef. Elia tries to explain herself, but Tom gets a little bitchy, frankly. Many of the cheftestants get annoyed that it drags on so long. Tom tries to nail down the details of what happened, and who told Elia that he served only corn-fed beef in his restaurants. Ultimately, he tells Elia that she doesn't know what she's talking about and he's always supported buying local, sustainable meats. Elia's point is that he's a leader to other chefs, and if he served only grass-fed beef, others would follow suit. Tom also doesn't get why Elia picked on him specifically, and publicly, and thinks they should all be careful what they say to the press. Elia says she doesn't regret it. Ugh. Tom should rise above, and Elia should realize that her concerns would be better addressed to Tom directly instead of to the media. End of story.
- Carla is awesome.
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You know, I always rag on Andy Cohen hosting the reunions, because he bugs me, but I've been thinking about it and who else would host them? None of the judges would be able to be fair enough. Maybe someone like Anthony Bourdain, but I feel like he would be more interested in tossing off bons mots and make it all about himself. You need someone who will ask the tough questions and not let people off the hook. I don't think Cohen is quite there, but he's the best alternative they've got right now.
Andy starts by welcoming Tom, Gail, and Padma, as well as the cheftestants. He congratulates Blais for winning, and everyone claps. Andy asks what Blais was thinking in the moment that Padma announced that he won. Blais doesn't answer what normal people would say, "Holy FUCK!" Instead, he claims that he was in shock because he was mentally preparing to be gracious to Mike when Mike won. Andy asks an actually interesting question: does Blais wish he won in season four, or was it sweeter to come back and win and get redemption in a way? Mike jokes that he wishes Blais had won season four, because then he wouldn't have been on this season. Blais just says he's happy with the way things turned out.
Andy turns to Tom to talk about the final judging. Tom says that they were all on the fence, but they talked through it. Their final criteria were which meal they'd want to eat again or which one moved them the most. Gail says that she needed the most convincing, because she really, really loved Mike's food. And then she brings up the stupid pepperoni sauce again. Ugh. I mean, I get that she liked it, but it's not like he created a new species of kitten or something.
, we see a clip package of Blais's journey: he feels he choked in his first finale, he's learned not to be creative just for the sake of being creative, but to make sure his food actually tastes good, and his wife was pregnant while he was competing. So he felt he had to win in order to justify leaving his pregnant wife and young child. I'm sorry but that one clip of him, post-win, saying, "Where there's a will, there's a way, and...I willed this" still gets me every time. Just such raw emotion.
Andy asks Blais how it feels to watch that package, and Blais says it's very emotional. Gail asks if he's any easier on himself these days, and Blais says he's trying to smile more. Fabio laughs that Blais will never take it easy on himself. Blais says his baby has been born since the finale and she's a month old at the time of taping. Andy asks about the promise Blais made to Mike as they waited in the final Stew Room, where Blais said he would invest in Mike's restaurant if he won. They covered this on the Watch What Happens episode after the finale; Mike had enough investors and didn't need Blais's money, but Blais said if there were a round two of investing, he'd be in.
Andy asks Mike how he feels about everything now. Mike gives a non-answer answer about how he was happy to go through the process blah blah blah. Tom points out that Mike won more than anyone if only because he finally went back and cooked the food he grew up with, the Italian food that his grandmother taught him to make. Mike can't even talk about it without getting choked up, but he agrees.
Andy asks Antonia what it felt like to come so close to the final and then lose because of the one-bite dish she prepared. Antonia says that she'd rather lose by a little bit than a lot, because she knows that she got outcooked for that one dish, but that she is still a good chef. She didn't get blown out. This leads to a clip package about Antonia and Mike fighting constantly until they found out that they're related, and then they loved each other. Once it's over, Antonia reveals that her mom and Mike's mom are like BFF now and e-mail all the time, but it's not like she and Mike are hanging out constantly.
Andy moves on to talk about Jen Carroll's shocking departure in episode two. I seriously do not understand Jen's hair. I know I say this all of the time, but it is always puzzling to me in different ways. Tonight, it's very, very big and there is a lot of it. I think she's wearing extensions? I don't think it's a wig because the color looks the same as always. They show her departure again, and wow did I forgot how bitchy she was and she was all Charlie Sheen-ed out. I'm surprised she didn't start babbling about tiger's blood and goddesses and whatnot. Because she crazy, y'all. At least Jen at the reunion laughs about it now. She says she's disappointed in herself, that she got so emotional. Gail says that she can't believe it took this long for someone to get that pissed off at Judges' Table, because she expects it every week, and she thinks it just shows the chefs' passion. Jen agrees that she was just fighting for her dish.
A viewer wants to know if the male cheftestants have stylists or if they really think the tight t-shirts and hair gel is a good idea. She points to Angelo's tight, tight lavender pants as a prime offender. Dale T. laughs so hard and so long that I'm pretty convinced that he's high, drunk, or both. This leads to a clip package about Angelo's fashion. Marcel calls him "creepy Pee-wee Herman," which score a point for Marcel for the only time ever. And then there's a whole thing about how Angelo has an avocado in his pants that goes on longer than I'm comfortable with. They also have Angelo squealing like a girl when a balloon pops in Target. Everyone has a good laugh about it. Andy asks him how he would describe his style and the response really shows the boys' club that Carla talked about. Dale T. pipes up, "Aquaman?" and here's who is dying laughing: Dale T., Fabio, Blais, Mike, Elia, Jen, and Marcel. Antonia, Tiffany, Carla, Jamie, and Tre are sitting there stone-faced. Like they look really pissed off. I'm guessing they had to put up with a lot of this bullshit throughout the season -- the taunting each other and the giggling and the "your balls are showing" bullshit and it's just not funny. Or maybe I'm totally wrong, but it was striking how much certain people weren't laughing at what was a pretty lame joke, to be sure.
A viewer wants to know if Gail would rather go on a date with Fabio, Angelo, or Spike. Gail says that she's known Spike the longest and they're both Canadian (he is?) and so is her husband! I hate people who get theoretical questions like that and feel like they have to dodge the answer and point out that they're married. Just answer the question, Claire! Andy poses the same question to Padma, who says she'd like to go on a date with either Elia or Casey. Everyone sits there and thinks, "Wait, is Padma gay? But she has a kid? Is she bi? Or is she just trying to be interesting?" And then she adds, "Or I could motorboat Antonia." WHAT? I feel like there is not enough of a shocked reaction when she says that. She just said she'd rather put her face in Antonia's boobs than go on a date with any other cheftestant. Padma giggles that she just learned that word and was eager to use it. I still feel like when she said that, people should have just started running around the studio and falling out of chairs and throwing their wigs in the air.
Now comes the Jamie package. Jamie is sullen. Jamie complains a lot. Jamie cut her finger and went to the hospital instead of sucking it up. Jamie laughs really hard at the clip package -- she famously has said that she doesn't watch the show, so this is the first time she's seeing it. A viewer asks about Jamie's injury, and Jamie says it might have been a cop-out, but she wasn't taking chances. And there's some sort of beef between Jamie and Fabio? Where she thinks he shit-talks her all the time? Fabio denies it. Padma asks if it would have been okay if Jamie came back with eight stitches and Tom jokes that she needed to come back with no thumb. Here's the deal that no one is saying: in the heat of the moment, they were pissed that Jamie bailed. Now, with all that's happened, it seems silly. The end.
Andy asks Tiffani about her redemption. Tiffani says she was an asshole in her first season, and she did a lot of stupid shit, and she's glad she didn't win. She says winning would have validated her bullshit. Someone's had some therapy. Anyway, she came back to win, but also to show how she's grown as a person and a chef, so by that measure, she succeeded.
Andy asks who would come back for another season. Here's who raises a hand as near as I can tell: Fabio, Blais, Tiffani, Dale L., Jen, Mike (sort of?), Marcel (really?). They never do a wide shot where everyone has their hand raised, so it's hard to tell. Mike says his participation would depend on who was competing, and he might come back for "a mini-Masters." Everyone is like, "Oh, look who thinks he's awesome now." Tiffany gives a fantastic eye-roll.
Then there's a commercial for Top Chef Masters and Xbox. The upshot of the whole thing is, if they could send one chef to Masters, who would it be? Jen would send herself. Dale would send Blais, since he won. Spike tells Tiffani he'd send her, but tells Andy he'd send Marcel. Aw, Spike. You could've taken a shower before the reunion.
Clip package of all of the romances this season: Blais and Fabio and Angelo and Mike. Why do I find the first one cute and the second one gross? Must be Mike's fault.
Remember how Antonia had the recommendation as the Black Hammer? Well it continued this season. I feel like these last two segments (this one and the Bromance one) are just rehashed from during the season. Didn't we already see the bromance thing and the black hammer thing? Mike says that there's no curse. Antonia says it's a coincidence, not a curse. Tiffany points out that everyone that roomed with Antonia got eliminated first, and they all laugh and giggle.
A viewer wants to know if Dale used his prize money to buy his girlfriend a better ring, as he promised. Dale says awkwardly that he's still waiting on his check. Oops. He says he's got everything all picked out, and Andy promises he'll get his money.
Andy claims that 97% of their female viewers wrote in and wanted to know if Fabio has a girlfriend. Did you know that 78% of Andy's statistics are made up and nonsensical? Fabio says that he does have a girlfriend but he wants to keep his private life private. Then there's a clip package about Fabio's various brags and boasts throughout the season, and how he's a smooth talker. After, Fabio demonstrates that he's learned how to say burger.
A viewer asks a weird question about how important it is for kids to eat healthy and wants to know what Antonia thinks. Except Andy totally calls her Antonio and no one notices. Antonia says that she thinks kids should eat what adults eat, and wants to get rid of kids' menus. Look, I think if you're a chain family restaurant, there's no problem with a kids' menu if that's what people want. I like them because the portions are usually smaller, with a price to match. It's not so much about the WHAT as the HOW MUCH. I don't want to spend $15 for one of my kids to throw half of it on the floor. ANTONIA.
Then there's a clip package about the Sesame Street muppets and how snarky they were to Padma, which is awesome. Blais says that his daughter was grinning when she saw the part where Elmo said he loved her. Then Andy talks about how the cheftestants hated cooking for kids. Except he says "agreedient" instead of "ingredient." Is he drunk? Anyway, they all hated cooking for kids but I think it had more to do with the fact that there were a million kids instead of one or two. Padma tried to get the kids to quiet down and they didn't listen to her at all. Hilarious.
Weird interstitial. They show the clip that's been available online forever of Marcel rapping "Put It On a Plate." It's funny but it was funnier a few months ago when everyone watched it online.
Let's revisit how Mike won with a dish that Richard told him about. Mike points out that you can't copyright a recipe. Blais says he didn't have a problem with the dish being used, it was more about the context, but admits that Mike added his own twist. Antonia adds that Mike first heard about the dish that morning and then made it that night, which was fishy, but in the end, he had to execute it himself. So everyone's cool now.
Clip package of judge bloopers. The best is Padma saying very carefully, "I had two gins and tonics. Hee hee hee." Also, Lorraine Bracco referred to her big fat tits. Of course, she did. A viewer asks if Tre was Padma's favorite, because she seemed more upset as his elimination. She did? They show it again, and she's really crying. Padma says she does have a sweet spot for Tre, but she hates when anyone leaves. A viewer wants to know about a dish that surprised them. Padma says that Dale T's egg dish at Wylie Dufresne's was great. Tom liked Carla's chicken pot pie, Blais's hamachi sweet bread, and Mike's fish in the banana leaf.
A viewer wants to know how Tom felt cooking in front of the chefs during that one Quickfire. Tom says he wasn't nervous cooking in front of the cheftestants, but he was nervous cooking in front of the TV audience.
Well, we can't let a reunion go by without a little drama, right? Andy brings up the interview Elia did where she blasted Tom for shilling for Diet Coke and using corn-fed beef instead of grass-fed beef. Elia explains that she went to Tom's Vegas restaurant and was told that the beef was all corn-fed. After she saw Tom's rebuttal to her interview (check the link), she went back to Craft to see if she was mistaken or if something changed, and nothing had. Does it always say on the menu if the beef is corn-fed or grass-fed? Elia adds that she doesn't think that a chef of Tom's caliber should be selling out to Diet Coke. Look, I don't have a problem with Tom getting paid, and the reality of America is that he's not going to get a ton of money to make a commercial for whatever esoteric food ingredient he actually uses, or wine, or whatever. Coca Cola Corp has a lot of money, and Tom took some to promote a product he uses and serves. Now, does Elia have a point as well? I think she does. Diet soda is not healthy, and as someone who has campaigned for healthier school lunches and the like, I'm a little surprised that Tom promotes the product. Dale L. tries to say that, but Tom says that he drinks and sells the product, so he doesn't see any ethical dilemma.
Tom adds that he buys from small farmers and has for many, many years. Elia says she's admired Tom for years, and so she couldn't believe the animals she saw brought into the kitchen. So Tom asks her if she actually went back into the kitchen, and she says no. What? I think part of this might be a language barrier because English isn't her first language. Tom wants to know exactly who she spoke to and got the info and my favorite part is that Spike looks EXACTLY like I used to look when I worked full time and had to sit through LOOOONG bullshit meetings that were pointless. He's like cracking his neck and closing his eyes and just wishing they would all SHUT UP ALREADY! I might be projecting. The other cheftestants start yelling that everyone needs to drop it.
Andy takes back over and Tom says that they've always served both grass-fed and corn-fed beef, and that has never changed. Elia just thinks that Tom could be a pioneer in serving only grass-fed beef, and Tom has to kind of be a dick and talk about how he's been a chef for a long time and has done more than Elia ever will, none of which is relevant. What is relevant is when Tom says that you can't have a steakhouse without serving corn-fed beef because no one will come. I presume that's because it's so much cheaper. And it would be crazy expensive to serve only grass-fed beef? Tom concludes that he thinks Elia is embarrassed to be the first one out, but she's only picking on him when it was a unanimous decision (i.e. you dish didn't suck a little; everyone thought it sucked a lot.) That's pretty harsh. Dale L. tries to help but no one knows what he talks about. Tom says that he's been to some of their restaurants but he's never commented about their food publicly, and that was on purpose. He thinks they should all learn to be careful about what they say in the press. Andy asks Elia if she regrets what she said, and she thinks and then says she doesn't, and she stands by it. Oof. I mean, she did have a point, but it wasn't expressed very well either in the interview or here. And it's not really relevant to the show; it's more about the world of cooking as a whole. But she's entitled to her opinion.
Clip package of the judges from this season, and some of their mean comments. Andy asks if they were tougher on the cheftestants this season. Padma says no. Well, that was interesting.
A viewer wants to know why Carla doesn't say Hootie Hoo anymore and she explains that she only says it with her husband, when she can't find him in a crowd, and that didn't happen. Andy says she was fan favorite for a reason and we see a clip package of all of Carla's awesomeness. She's just so happy. And then Spike hands out Top Chef fleeces from a box and the show kind of just...ends. See you season!