By Kim
Quickfire Challenge: Chefs pair up (via knife pull) to create a sandwich to try to win immunity. The twist is that the teams have to wear attached aprons so that they can only use one hand each. Stephen and Jacqueline get dinged for lack of creativity and Lynne and Tiffany are told they didn't have a great texture in their sandwich. On the other hand, Ed and Kenny are praised for their Ahi tuna sandwich with Asian slaw. The winner is (groan) the team of Tracey and Angelo, who made a flounder sandwich with spicy sriracha mayonnaise. So Angelo isn't going anywhere this week.
Elimination Challenge: Feed fifty school children a healthy lunch with a budget of $130, working in teams of four. Here's what went down:
Team One: Andrea, Alex, Tim, and Kevin: picnic coleslaw with yogurt, grilled apple cider BBQ chicken, mac and cheese with whole wheat crust, skim milk, and low-fat cheese, and fresh melon kebab and orange Chantilly dipped in whipped yogurt. This team has very little drama (and thus gets very little screen time) -- the only event is when they refuse to let Angelo borrow a part from their whipping gun when his won't work. The judges like everything except the mac and cheese.
Team Two: Tracey, Angelo, Kenny, and Ed (i.e. Dream Team): chicken burger with fiesta rice, peanut butter and celery crudités with tuile, sweet potato puree with cinnamon, and apple bread pudding with cinnamon yogurt. Colicchio reminds Kenny that if his team loses, there's a 50/50 chance he's going home since Tracey and Angelo have immunity. The judges think the pudding and the burger are fine, but they aren't brimming with praise. Ed's puree has way too much pepper, and they don't really think that a celery stick counts as a vegetable, and wonder why there is a cookie on top. Good point. But doesn't the sweet potato count as a vegetable too? Or is that a starch? Ooh, maybe Angelo (who did the celery stick) was sabotaging his team so that Kenny or Ed would have to go home. That would be EVIL.
Team Three: Lynne, Kelly, Arnold, and Tiffany: black bean cake with crispy sweet potatoes, braised pork carnitas tacos with pickled onions and cilantro, roasted corn salad with cilantro-lime vinaigrette and chili oil, and caramelized sweet potatoes with sherbet. This team had a lot of drama, mostly centered around the fact that Arnold felt Kelly was trying to make sure she got credit for her dish, when he felt it was a team effort. The problem is that they were instructed that they should be responsible for one dish and need to defend that dish at judging. Lucky for them, the judges seem to like all four dishes, even though they think Lynne's bean cake was a bit dry.
Team Four: Amanda, Stephen, Tamesha, and Jacqueline: braised chicken thigh in sherry jus (Sherry? Really? I know most of the alcohol probably cooks off, but seriously), sweet onion rice with tomato, carrots, and green onions (that's a lot of onions for kids), bean and tomato salad with picked red onion and apple cider vinaigrette, and banana pudding made with skim milk and crushed strawberries. This team's drama was that they ran out of money and Jacqueline kind of got hosed as far as budget, which seems like it could have been prevented by planning something where the ingredients overlapped more with the other dishes so they could double up. The judges think the salad is good, but the rice is mushy and the pudding is starchy and too sweet.
Ooh, child, it gets ugly at Judges' Table. People whose dishes get dinged (especially Stephen) lash out at people on the other team. They discuss how bad processed peanut butter is for you. People wonder if Angelo threw the challenge to get rid of either Kenny or Ed. The team that had the most drama (Arnold, Kelly, Lynne, and Tiffany) win the challenge, and the ultimate winner is Kelly for her pork tacos. And Jacqueline gets the ax for her overly sweet, grainy and non-nutritive banana pudding. That's fine. She probably could have gone last week. I would have been pissed if Kenny left.
The cheftestants perform their morning ablutions, including hair-drying, push-ups, and shaving in the bedroom. This last task produces some shock and awe as Ed shaves without the assistance of a sink or anything. Wouldn't there be whiskers everywhere? Based on every bathroom sink I've ever shared with a male, I would think there would be whiskers everywhere after he was done shaving. I wonder if the show has a housecleaner or if the cheftestants have to clean their own rooms and bathrooms. Hmm. Turns out Ed was just getting a jumpstart while waiting for the bathroom to be free, and once it is, he takes his shaving in there. Ed also reveals that he is the biggest cliché-spouter on the show, and thus will earn lots of camera-time, when he talks about John's elimination and says, "I'm here to win" (ding!) and "it is what it is" (ding! ding!).
The cheftestants prepare breakfast and wait around in the tiny kitchen. Alex teases Jacqueline about the amount of butter she is using in whatever she is preparing. Is that a subtle dig at her lowfat dish from last week? Andrea reminds us in an interview that Angelo won both challenges last week, but she still thinks she can beat him or anyone else. At least she doesn't say that she's there to win. It's not Top Friends, it's Top Chef. I wish someone would say that. At least I would get a giggle out of it. Anyway, they all head out to the kitchen.
Quickfire Challenge! The cheftestants are greeted with goofy enthusiasm by Padma. I don't know if it's the sleep deprivation or what, but Padma is much cheerier this season. It's kind of disconcerting. She introduces them to White House Assistant Chef and Food Initiative Coordinator Sam Kass. He's kind of cute, that dude. Since he's not a well-known celebrity chef, the usual testimonial by a cheftestant telling he's a rock star is replaced with one telling us "He's important because he feeds the President." Thanks, Captain Obvious.
Padma is clearly embarrassed to explain that government has to work together (try telling that to the government) so this is a "bi-partisandwich quickfire." GROAN. The challenge is to pair up and create a delicious sandwich. The cheftestants are like, "How is this a challenge, exactly? Isn't this just called 'lunch'?" Padma says that the winners get immunity, and Ken interviews that he doesn't care about immunity because he doesn't think he needs it? Or because he's just going to eliminate people one-by-one? He doesn't really explain why he doesn't care about immunity. But he doesn't! Care! Since they included that, you know immunity will come into play somehow with the elimination. The cheftestants draw knives to partner up as Angelo interviews that it would be embarrassing for him to lose this challenge, since he owns a sandwich shop. Oh, Angelo, is there anything you don't do? You world-traveling, sandwich-shop-owning, country-living, challenge-winning monster!
Then there's a REALLY LONG knife-drawing segment, and since we still haven't learned anyone's names because there are too many of them, it's largely irrelevant. Seriously, am I supposed to remember who was paired with whom already? Once the knives are drawn, Padma announces the twist -- the pairs will have to wear one giant apron, and each of them can only use his or her outside arm to cook. So it's like Top Chef meets Stuck on You? Got it. And... go!
Kenny and Ed are teamed together and it works out well for them because Ed is a lefty and Kenny is a righty. It's pretty funny seeing the chefs try to run through the pantry and collect ingredients and equipment while bound together. I mean, it's always tough at this point because there are so many people bopping around, but add in the chaos of the pairings, and you've got comedy gold. Tracey, who I'm going to peg right now as a smoker due to her voice, interviews that she loves being partnered with Angelo both because he has won all the challenges so far and because he owns a sandwich shop, AND she has a crush on him. So... Tracey likes dudes? Or is this like when Rosie had a crush on Tom Cruise? I'm just saying. It really does seem like Tracey is just holding a tray while Angelo puts items on it. I don't know how much input she has into this dish.
Amanda and Tamesha are paired up and Tamesha takes the power position (right side) because she doesn't trust Amanda with a knife. Heh. Alex and Tim are having the same knife/trust problem where every time Tim picks up a knife, Alex recoils or drop the item he's supposed to be holding. And I see Alex's point -- he makes his living with his hands, so he kind of needs them to remain functional. Jacqueline and Stephen decide on a chicken club/BLT sort of sandwich, and think they are ACES! So we know that they are actually the opposite of aces. Twos? People are using knives to open bottles and cans of things that are not supposed to be cut open. Kenny and Ed seem to be working really well together, and Angelo is basically just having Tracey work as his assistant, which works for this challenge as long as they don't lose. As time runs down, people are just SPRINTING around the kitchen, opening bottles and cans on the run, grilling, sautéing, assembling, and TIME! Whew! That was pretty exciting.
Time to eat! Angelo and Tracey are up first, and they made flounder marinated in fish sauce with spicy sriracha mayo and pickled red onions. Sriracha is one of those words that looks like it can't possibly be spelled correctly, even when you spell it correctly. And then I Googled it and found out that it's named after a town called Si Racha. Why the extra "r" then? Just to fuck with me?
Angela and Kevin made a "Philly Cuban" with roasted pork, pickle, whole grain mustard and Gruyere cheese. Angela is my dark horse favorite. For no apparent reason. Amanda and Tamesha didn't come up with a cutesy name for their dish. POINTS OFF! It's grilled prosciutto with Swiss cheese, Dijon mustard and pepper salsa. They could have called it something about Europe, since each ingredient comes from a different country's cuisine. I'm pretending salsa is Spanish for the purposes of this exercise. Just a note: if you put roasted red peppers on anything, I will eat it. I love those.
Alex and Tim, they of the cutting/cringing duo, made a "croque madame" which is ground lamb, mornay sauce, and an egg. Sometimes when I'm feeling fancy, I call it mornay sauce. It's really just cheese sauce. Like instead of saying I made macaroni and cheese, I will tell my husband I made cavatelli with a mustard-mornay sauce and Panko crumb topping. I enjoy giving our dinners the Top Chef naming treatment. Like the other night I made "pan-seared breast of chicken with a balsamic reduction served over a bed of toasted pine nut couscous." Sounds fancy, no? Took all of fifteen minutes to cook. Boo-ya! And then I post about it on Facebook and everyone is like, "You are such a good cook!" and I giggle.
Jacqueline and Stephen make the lamest looking sandwich ever. That thing is just sad. They tried for a cutesy name and came up with "the Italian-American connection". Boo. It's Saba vinegar onions, California avocado, and chicken. Is there any dressing at all? And it looks like they are serving it on just white toast. Couldn't they at least grill it or something? And then they garnish it with two GIANT sprigs of rosemary sticking out of the top instead of toothpicks, I guess? It looks dumb. Jacqueline wants to win so she gets immunity, because she's terrible and she knows it.
Kenny and Ed made a beautiful sandwich of Korean chili-rubbed Ahi tuna, cucumber and mango slaw, and multi-grain bread. I mean, if nothing else, choose an interesting bread to give your sandwich something extra. Arnold and Kelly did "a play on South Asian street food" which is curry-rubbed grilled chicken, honey and sambal, cucumber, mint, dill & cilantro. I think it's served on naan or possibly a pita. Also, the last three ingredients are just herbs, not really ingredients. And finally, Tiffany and Lynne made a flatbread saltimbocca sandwich with goat cheese, artichokes, peppers, and white asparagus. Sam Kass comments that it's kind of messy to eat and Lynne tries to pretend like it's really supposed to be a "fork-and-knife sandwich," and if that were true, she should have stated it up front. I feel like Lynne has good kitchen skills but poor people/presentation skills. She has no charisma. Maybe she'll be revealed to have a dry wit or something, but so far, she is Dullsville.
Sam Kass speaks first about the losers. He thinks Stephen and Jacqueline lacked creativity. Exactly. They show the sandwich again, and one quarter of the bread looks like it was maybe grilled but how did that happen? Why doesn't the whole sandwich have grill marks? It looks awful. He also thinks Lynne and Tiffany's sandwich lacked texture. In other words, it was messy and he hates a mess.
So then he gets to reveal whose sandwiches were in the top. He points out that Tracey and Angelo's sandwich was "bright and lively" and he enjoyed the herbs. He also liked Kenny and Ed's sandwich, which was flavorful and the tuna was beautifully seared. Is there any doubt that Angelo and Kenny are the front-runners now? Maybe they will peak early. Especially Angelo. Here's hoping. Anyway, the winners of this challenge (who, don't forget, will have immunity in the Elimination Challenge) are Angelo and Tracey. BOOOOOOOOOOOO! Why couldn't I hate someone that also sucked? Like Mike I. from last season? Kenny interviews that he's "a little heated." No one is happy for Angelo, and Sam Kass notices it, as everyone is pissed off that Angelo keeps winning.
Elimination Challenge. Sam Kass talks about Michelle Obama's Let's Move initiative to end childhood obesity in a generation, and one component is finding ways to make healthier school lunches. I'm sure you were aware, but if not, school lunches are a disaster area where the people in charge have no money and have to adhere to archaic nutritional guidelines and that's why you end up with one of my favorite school lunches of mystery meat/gravy with mashed potatoes, white bread and butter, and Jell-o. Starchy! Also, scary! And yet, I ate that shit like it was Thanksgiving dinner weekly. That was my favorite school lunch. We also had, in my later years, a "salad bar" that consisted of iceberg lettuce, croutons, and then three choices of dressing in a large vat that I don't think they ever cleaned out but just dumped more dressing in when it got low, and God only knows what kids did to the dressing when the lunch ladies weren't looking. It's a miracle I got out alive.
Anyway, the challenge is to cook a healthy lunch for fifty kids on a budget of $2.68 per child. So that's $134 total, but then Sam Kass takes $4 away (arbitrary!) to cover labor costs. Are they using exploited child labor? I have to believe each lunch takes at least one person an hour to prep, which would be minimum like $8, right? But I guess the cheftestants don't have the same economy of scale or potential government subsidies in purchasing ingredients, so it all evens out. Sam explains that the meal consists of a main course, a few side dishes, definitely a vegetable and a fruit, and often a dessert, but it needs to appeal to the kids.
The cheftestants are split up into teams of four, and each chef needs to be responsible for one item on the menu. Angelo and Tracey, as Quickfire winners, get to choose another pair, and they pick Kenny and Ed. This is totally devious, because Angelo knows that if they lose, Kenny has a 50% chance of going home due to the immunity. At first, I thought they were just trying to create a dream team, but given what happens later, I think Angelo had a plan all along. Everyone else breaks up into teams of four and menu planning begins.
Tracey suggests taking what kids like, burgers, and making it healthy. Angelo suggests celery and peanut butter, and Tracey quickly points out that celery is a vegetable. Is it though? I mean, hardly. It's mostly water. No one likes celery, other than as a means to get dip to your mouth, right? It's not like people go, "Wow, I could really go for a celery stalk right now." Unfortunately, Kenny and Ed don't protest that much.
Team Two is Amanda, Tamesha, Jacqueline, and Stephen. This team looks like trouble from the jump. Amanda wants to braise chicken thighs in sherry and not one person even raises an eyebrow, like "Sherry? Isn't that alcoholic? Even if most of it cooks off, does that seem like the best idea? And also, isn't alcohol kind of expensive and we don't have much money?" At least not that we see. Tamesha wants to make gnocchi, but Amanda is dead set against it, claiming that it's too easy to screw up and it won't look good. Easy there, Sherry. Jacqueline wants to make a chocolate-banana pudding that will be "surprisingly low-sugar." Does anyone think that's a good idea after her lowfat pate last week? Jacqueline interviews that her parents had a nasty divorce when she was in high school so she took over caring for her younger sister to keep her out of foster care. And then she's all smiley, maybe to cover up that she's crying, but it's weirdly incongruous. Also, she is totally Kate Hudson in Raising Helen.
Team Three is Alex, Tim, Kevin, and Andrea. We don't hear much of their planning other than that they're going to make mac and cheese and Kevin wants to make a dessert with melon. Good enough.
Team Four is Tiffany, Lynne, Kelly, and Arnold. Kelly is weirdly insistent about making tacos, because kids love them. She's not wrong, but she's really argumentative about it. Kelly is all about putting feta cheese and pickled onions in the tacos, and her teammates are kind of like, "Hmmm. Maybe not so much." Tiffany interviews that Kelly likes to take charge in a bad way. Tiffany thinks they all need to be in agreement about the food and Kelly's like, "Yeah, definitely." She's obviously not picking up on the fact that they're not all in agreement, although Tiffany should probably be less polite and just say, "I don't agree with this" if that's the case.
They all head to Restaurant Depot for shopping. Amanda is running around looking for liquor, and still not one person goes, "Liquor? For children? Really?" Except the manager of the store who seems surprised that she's looking for it. Also, their team didn't seem to have any sort of budget conversation where they went, "Okay, you have $50 to buy ingredients for the main course and you have $25 to buy ingredients for dessert" or whatever. They seem to just be throwing stuff on the carts independently without worrying about cost. Other teams are looking for cheaper versions of various ingredients, but Team Two waits until they get to the checkout to find out that they are $100 over budget. Oops. They basically get rid of all of Jacqueline's ingredients until she's left with only bananas and milk. She begs them to get rid of some of their ingredients, but no one suggests that Amanda dump the sherry. Other teams are going through similar ordeals, although it doesn't seem quite as bad, probably because they PLANNED AHEAD.
They head to the kitchen and start prep. Kelly is making her own tortillas with oatmeal, and Tiffany offers some suggestions. Tracey wanders over to ask about their dish, and Kelly describes the tacos and concludes, "This is actually my idea." Which it is, but why does Tracey need to know that? Meanwhile, Team Three is having a lovefest, working well together, tasting one another's food, and offering constructive suggestions.
Kenny explains his team's food, which includes a chicken burger, a sweet potato puree (because what kid doesn't love a puree?), the stupid celery sticks, and apple-bread pudding. Have any of these people ever fed children before? I could see the chicken burger and the pudding working, but they are totally unrelated, and celery is so not a vegetable. I mean, at least serve carrots and hummus or something!
Jacqueline is having trouble with her banana pudding, which Amanda claims is also going to contain strawberries. She's cooking the bananas, and they are very starchy (apparently because they were unripe) so she decides to add sugar to "break down the starch." I have only a rudimentary understanding of food chemistry, but when we put the saltine into our mouth, it turned sweet, so I don't think sugar so much breaks down starches as much as starches, when broken down, turn into sugars. Right? Complex carbohydrate to simple carbohydrate? I just tried to look it up and realized that the word "starchy" loses all meaning very quickly. Starchy. Starchy. Starchy. Meanwhile, Tamesha suggests that Amanda use tomato paste, and Amanda bitchily retorts that she doesn't want to. Tamesha interviews that she didn't think sherry was a wise choice, but again, we never see her actually suggesting this to Amanda, so it's all academic.
Kelly tells Arnold that she is responsible for the carnitas and wants to know if he's got everything he needs for his dish. Arnold bitches, "Well, I think it's a team effort, so...." Okay. Arnold. Take it down a notch. Maybe you're jealous that you didn't get to do the main dish or whatever, but Padma clearly explained that each chef will be judged individually on his or her individual dish, so I think Kelly is in the right. She does seem to be kind of bulldozing her way into leadership, but at least someone is doing it, because otherwise you end up a hundred dollars over budget and with someone serving alcohol to minors. So zip it. And I wonder if Kelly were a dude, would Arnold have this problem?
Tracey and Kelly sit outside and chat. Tracey talks, both here and in an interview, about how she's been raising her girlfriend's daughter (girlfriend! I was right about that for once!) and none of them have healthy eating habits, and they should. The girl eats hot dogs for breakfast. Look, I'm not about to judge someone else's parenting, but I hope that's because the kid is a picky eater and not because her parents can't come up with anything else, because one of them makes food for a living. Tracey talks about the important of modeling good eating habits. Listen. My mom made dinner EVERY NIGHT and it was on the table at 5 PM exactly and she never pulled any of my own "let's just have cereal or a frozen pizza" bullshit. How did she do that? Of all the things I admire about my mother, that is one of the most amazing, and the one I really didn't appreciate until, like, now.
Arnold and his team (minus Kelly) are having a bitch session about Kelly and how they think she isn't sharing the credit. Kelly walks in and at least Arnold has the maturity to have them all sit down as a team and discuss it, although it kind of feels more like an ambush since he made sure everyone was on his side first. So Arnold and Tiffany lay out their argument while Kelly just sits there, mouth agape, and she interviews that each of them has to stand up and defend one dish, so she doesn't get what the problem is, since she thought she was being collaborative. I don't really get what the problem is either, unless either A) Arnold just likes to create drama or B) Kelly is kind of annoying and bossy. It might be a little of both. It turns out that Arnold feels that he finished his dish quickly to help out the others, and he worries that the judges won't think his dish is complicated enough. So that's the real issue, even though he could have made whatever he wanted, and no one asked him to help out the others.
The day, they bring their food to a middle school for prepping and serving. It's tiny and cramped, but they make do. Angelo discovers that the foam gun he was going to use to make his peanut butter mousse is broken, so he asks Kevin (who is on a different team) if he has a spare whipped cream gun. Kevin says that he only has three so he's not giving one up. And seriously, he brought three and Angelo didn't bring one backup? Shenanigans. Kenny points out that Angelo is really attentive to his dish but not helping anyone else, when his whole prep was basically cutting up celery and maybe whipping some peanut butter with something else? How long did that take, an hour? What was he doing?
Colicchio arrives and explains that his mom ran a school lunch program for twenty years, so he gets this challenge. Kevin tells him that he's making fruit skewers with yogurt foam, which he's hoping the kids will think is whipped cream. Smart. Jacqueline explains how budget reasons changed her chocolate pudding into a banana pudding, and Tom's like, "How come you were the one who had to give up all your ingredients at checkout?" and Jacqueline looks like she never considered that before. Y'all, I don't think Jacqueline is real smart.
So then Tom goes to talk to Team Taco and Arnold tries to make it out like it was a group effort, but Kelly pipes up with, "I'm ultimately responsible for the carnitas" and then everyone else tries to talk over her all, "It's a group effort" and "we all pitched in." I'm not sure WHY Kelly felt like she had to say that right at that point, especially when she knows it's going to piss her team off. Save it for judges' table, if it's needed. Tom interviews that he doesn't like when they pretend it was a group effort because it allowed the weaker chefs to hide behind the stronger ones. And it really feels like that's what Arnold is trying to do because he's SO adamant about it. Tom points out to Kenny that if his team loses, he has a 50% chance of going home instead of the normal 25% the others have. Kenny knows this, but thanks for rubbing it in, Tom.
Stephen interviews that he wasn't sure about Amanda's choice of sherry (again, he never apparently told her) and he thinks they should change the name of the dish for the judges. That would actually be worse; these guys are professional chefs and they know what sherry tastes like, presumably, so if they tried to rename it, it would look like they were trying to hide something. It was just a bad, bad idea. Own it. Angelo has solved his gun failure by putting the peanut butter in a piping bag. Kelly wants Arnold to salt his salsa, but he thinks it works well with all of the other components the way it is. SEE WHAT HE DID THERE. Seriously, I like Arnold, but cram it.
The kids arrive and start eating, and then the judges come in. The first step is the team of Andrea, Alex, Tim, and Kevin. Andrea explains that she and Alex made the coleslaw with yogurt instead of mayonnaise to make it healthier. They also used apple cider for the BBQ chicken, and they removed the skin and roasted it. Tim made mac and cheese with skim milk, low-fat cheese, and a whole-wheat crust. That must taste like ass. I'm sorry. There are some substitutions that just don't work in this world. Kevin made a fresh melon kebab with whipped yogurt that looks really delish but must have been a bitch to skewer all fifty plus of those little kebabs. The judges love the slaw and the chicken, as well as the kebab. Tom says that the mac and cheese is the weak link, but Padma thinks they did great overall, and everyone agrees.
up are Angelo, Tracey, Kenny, and Ed. Tracey made a chicken burger with fiesta rice. Now they obviously used the rice as a filler, but given that and chicken's low-fat nature, that must be one dry-ass burger. Seems like they could have put something in to make it more moist. Applesauce? Yogurt? And it's served with iceburg lettuce on a white roll, thus missing two more opportunities to make it healthier, although I'm sure price played a role there. Angelo made the aforementioned celery with peanut butter, served on a tuile, which looks kind of like a curvy fortune cookie, and then it has some sort of leaf on it? It looks like gold leaf but I'm sure it's not, but what the fuck is that? And what kid would want to eat it? SHENANIGANS! Then Ed made sweet potato puree which looks like baby food, because it is, and Kenny made apple bread pudding with cinnamon yogurt. I don't think Kenny will go home because his dish is not horrible. If anyone is going home from this group, it should be Angelo, but he has immunity, so it will be Ed for his baby food. The judges taste the puree and note that it has a ton of pepper in it, and Gail thinks you can't serve that to kids. Tom thinks Kenny's pudding is fine and Tracey's burger is good. Nothing too enthusiastic there. The judges think Angelo's dish is the dessert, due to the cookie, and wonder where the vegetable is. Seriously. I know I've already said this but SHENANIGANS!
On to the team consisting of Lynne, Kelly, Arnold, and Tiffany, aka Team Drama. Lynne made a black bean cake with a sort of confetti of sweet potatoes on top. Black bean cake seems like it would be really dry without sour cream or guacamole or something on it. Kelly, as you may have heard, made the braised pork carnitas tacos with pickled onions and cilantro. Man, did I think this dish was going to fail, because what kid likes onions of any kind, and cilantro is something a lot of adults don't even like. Arnold made what looks like an awesome roasted corn salad with cilantro-lime vinaigrette and chili oil. I would eat that for breakfast, lunch, and dinner in the summer. Tiffany made caramelized sweet potatoes and chocolate sherbet, which sounds horrible, but I would definitely like to try it, because maybe it's awesome. Gail likes the amount of color on the plate. They think that the tacos are solid, and the corn salad works to cool the mouth afterwards. Gail wasn't too sure about the sherbet and sweet potato, but it works. Hmm.
On to the final team of Amanda, Stephen, Tamesha, and Jacqueline, or as I like to call them, Team Clusterfuck. Amanda made braised chicken thighs in a sherry jus. Because just marinating the chicken in alcohol wasn't enough -- let's give the kids straight alcohol ladled over the top. Stephen made sweet onion rice with tomatoes, carrots, and green onions. It looks bland and dry, but at least he tried to sneak some veggies in there. I hope it's brown rice, at least. Tamesha made a green bean and tomato salad with pickled red onions and apple cider vinaigrette. It looks colorful, at least. There seem to be a lot of tomatoes in there, and I know a lot of kids who would pick around those tomatoes. I know a lot of adults that would. And Jacqueline made banana pudding with skim milk and fresh strawberries. She would have been better off ditching the banana pudding all together and trying to do something with the strawberries, like a strawberry mousse or something? It's like she got pudding in her head (heh) and couldn't deviate. As the judges eat, Gail brings up the point about the sherry and kids, but no one really responds. Padma likes the bean and tomato salad. Sam tries the banana pudding and says, "Something happened in there." Uh oh. Tom says that it's starchy and pretty sweet, but Padma likes the strawberries. See, she should have just gone with the strawberries. Gail thinks the rice is mushy, and one of the kids says he didn't like that team's food because it had "rice and all that nasty stuff."
The kids start chanting "taco, taco" and a few others are chanting "chicken, chicken". Those kids are drunk. Jacqueline is happy that some of the kids came back for seconds. Yeah, you put a ton of sugar into something and kids will like it. Who knew? Sam talks about the importance of getting kids used to fresh and tasty food instead of high-fat, high-sugar foods at a young age, and then the judges leave to ponder their choices. Team Drama seems to be getting along fine now, and Kelly interviews that she "appreciated the help from them" but feels like they are taking part of her dish away. She really does think that she was the team boss, doesn't she?
Weird interstitial. Padma talks to the kids about the food and what they liked and didn't like. And then all of the kids want hugs. I'm sorry, some of those boys (and possibly girls) are old enough that they're thinking, "Boobies!" when they get that hug.
The cheftestants file into the stew room. Angelo is grilling Kenny and making him rate the various components of their dishes (presentation, flavor, etc.) on a scale of one to ten. Man, is he annoying. Also, stop trying to pretend like you care, Angelo. Everyone shushes them so they can all hear Kevin, who has fallen asleep in his chair, snoring. Kevin wakes up and does that sheepish glance that says, "Did anyone notice I was sleeping? I think I was snoring" and everyone laughs. Padma interrupts the mirth to call in Angela, Kenny, Ed, and Tracey, and also Amanda, Stephen, Tamesha, and Jacqueline. Are they the winners or the loser? Or both? The cheftestants left behind are all confused, since usually the winners go in first. I'm glad they're mixing it up. It was too predictable.
The cheftestants face the judges. Colicchio explains that they were looking for food that was appropriate for a school lunch, but also food that was flavorful. Then Padma tells them that they are the losing teams. Amanda is shocked. Shocked! When she is shocked, she really looks like Leah from Season Six. Boy, do I not miss her. Anyway, Stephen talks about his rice first, and says that he tried to incorporate lots of vegetables, but they got into budget trouble. In that they had no budget. Jacqueline explains her plans for a chocolate dessert, that it turned out they couldn't afford. Sam asks if she had to use more sugar to combat the starchy bananas, and she admits that she added two pounds of sugar. Two pounds! That's a lot of sugar. Colicchio's eyes bug out. Sam asks about the sherry jus, and wonders how Amanda had the budget to buy sherry. Seriously. I can't believe no one called her on that at the register. That had to be the most expensive item, along with the chicken, on the list. I mean, they did use chicken thighs, which are usually cheaper than other parts, but still. Hey, you know what would be a good challenge? Although maybe not for this particular show -- maybe for Food Network Star? To have the chefs go head-to-head with a bunch of frugal moms in trying to make a tasty, nutritious meal for a family within a certain budget. Get on that, shows.
The judges move on to talk to the other team. Gail admonishes Ed for using so much chili powder in his sweet potato puree, and reminds him that they're cooking for kids. Sam points out that it's tough to buy healthy foods on a budget, and it showed with this team's lack of vegetables. Kenny thinks he has the answer, and says that they added a roasted tomato to the burger. Sam laughs and points out that tomato is a fruit. Kenny is dumbfounded. Oops. You know, they could have easily mixed some vegetables into the chicken burgers and the kids would never have known. It might have even added some flavor and moistness, if they put in some frozen spinach or something. Tom is my hero as he asks if Angelo would have done the celery and peanut butter dish if he didn't have immunity. Angelo's response: "I can't answer that right now." And then here's where the bullshit starts -- none of the judges press him on it. WTF? How do they let that bullshit slide? Colicchio says that he's not saying that Angelo would sabotage his team, but he's totally saying that Angelo would sabotage his team. Angelo kind of babbles but ultimately says that if someone on the team wanted him to make a vegetable, he or she should have spoken up. Yeah, Angelo just made a crap dish because no one told him not to make a crap dish! That is the worst argument ever.
Gail asks who on their team was looking at the food overall and recognizing that it didn't have enough nutritional value. Obviously, no one. Kenny clearly hasn't watched this show before as he is careful not to name names when he claims that he wanted to do different dishes but got shot down. He doesn't explain his argument very well, though. Stephen sees an opportunity for his team to avoid last place so he pipes up that Kenny is at fault, really, if he didn't insist on a real vegetable. Why is no one blaming Angelo? Just because he has immunity doesn't mean he can't ultimately be at fault. He made celery with peanut butter! And a cookie!
Kenny, under attack, shoots back that the other team used two pounds of sugar in their dessert, while he used under half a pound. Amanda, President of the Natural Peanut Butter Commission, goes on a rant about how much sugar is in processed peanut butter. Sam kind of nods his head like she's right. Kenny points out that there were only two teaspoons of peanut butter per serving, but Amanda is like a dog with a bone and won't give it up. Is anyone else on Kenny's team going to join in this fight? Because they're all just sitting there like lumps. Finally, Ed speaks up and asks if sherry wine needs to be in an elementary school and makes a hilarious face like, "Just asking." Amanda says she wasn't serving it by the glass, but still. Even if it was non-alcoholic sherry, the point is that serving kids something with an alcoholic name just FEELS inappropriate. Like if you made them virgin pina coladas or something. Or penne with vodka sauce. Mmm. Penne with vodka sauce. Gail jumps in and asks why Amanda chose to use sherry. Amanda says that she just likes chicken with sherry. Gail hilariously retorts that she likes a lot of things: "I love vodka! Not cooking with it." Oh, Gail. You are luscious. Padma was right. That kind of breaks the tension and the cheftestants are excused.
The people back in the Stew Room learn that they are the top two teams. Stephen and Kenny explain that, because Angelo and Tracey have immunity, their dishes were basically termed irrelevant, even though they could bring the team as a whole down. Angelo whistles and pretends he can't hear them. I'm glad to see Kenny and Stephen didn't seem to take their argument personally.
The judges deliberate. Sam thinks Angelo's team had the worst menu by far, but Angelo and Tracey have immunity. Sam points out that Kenny saw there were no vegetables and did nothing about it. Which is worse, admitting you noticed something but not acting, or not even noticing something which, as a chef, should have been obvious? Plus, Kenny already admitted that he thought tomatoes were a vegetable. Okay, maybe that's not a point in his column. Gail thinks Ed's sweet potatoes would be fine for adults, but not kids. Padma wonders why Kenny and Ed didn't speak up for their ideals more during planning, and Gail adds that they knew their asses were on the line if the team lost this week more than ever. Gail wonders if Angelo kind of threw the challenge, and Tom says he thinks that was part of it. Part of it? HE MADE CELERY STICKS AND PEANUT BUTTER! I feel like people are giving that horseshit, that I could have made in the second grade, a pass. Back in the Stew Room, Angelo whispers to Tracey that he doesn't like Kenny. Um, shocker? I think everyone knows that.
Tom points out that the other team had two bad dishes: Amanda's chicken and Jacqueline's pudding. Gail has a huge hate-on for the chicken, from the fact that it used sherry, to the fact that it was poorly prepared. Tom goes so far as to call it "a turd on the table." Man, I didn't know they hated it that much! They didn't mention that when tasting it. Sam thinks the amount of sugar in Jacqueline's dish was "unconscionable." I think I have a crush on Sam and his big White House brains. Gail points out that at least it had fresh strawberry, but Sam thinks you couldn't taste it over the sugar.
The judges discuss who the winner should be. They loved what Kelly and her team did. Kelly made her own taco shells out of oats to make them healthier (and probably tastier and cheaper as well). The salad was great, and they had a dessert that included a vegetable for crying out loud. Tom says that they seemed to just have more food on the plate than the other teams. They think that the team with Alex et al had healthy, good food as well, and they used yogurt in place of mayo in the slaw and also in place of whipped cream to great effect.
Padma calls in Team Drama to crown a winner. They tell Arnold that his corn salad was delicious, and then just heap praise on the tacos, which the kids apparently loved. Sam is impressed with Tiffany's desert, and Tom liked the texture. And finally, they thought that Lynne went the extra yard to make her bean cake fun and vibrant with the sweet potato confetti on top. But the winner is...Kelly. She's really happy. Well, at least Angelo didn't win. And I guess the argument against sabotage would be that he claimed he wanted to win every challenge. Although, may I point out again, celery and peanut butter. Did he really think that would win?
Now the potential losers are called back: Kenny, Ed, Amanda, and Jacqueline. Tom thinks Kenny could have been more assertive and he let the team down, and Ed did the same. Amanda's chicken wasn't appealing and kids wouldn't eat it. Jacqueline's pudding was "loaded with sugar, it was also grainy" and not very healthy. Finally, Padma tells Jacqueline to pack her knives and go. She regrets not fighting more for budget. Goodbye, Low Rent Kate Hudson!
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