By Kim
The episode begins six months after the last episode ended. In the interim, Stephanie traveled in southeast Asia. Antonia opened a restaurant and did you know she's got a daughter? Richard did nothing apparently, and Lisa got a bad short haircut and seems to have lost some weight.
Quickfire Challenge. The Guest Judge is Wilo Benet, a famous Puerto Rican chef. The challenge is to make frituras, or fritters, which are a common Puerto Rican beach food, for Padma and Wilo. It's important for the cheftestants to use plantains, as Wilo explains that they are probably the most traditional Puerto Rican ingredient. Stephanie made tostones (a flattened fried green plantain) with seared tuna and a pork & shrimp fritter with brown butter and lime. Antonia made crispy oysters with a cilantro plantain jam and a fried yellow plantain with spicy slaw. Lisa made tostones with pan-roasted duck and mango papaya salsa and a sweet plantain, red onion and chorizo fritter with chutney slaw. Richard made pork meatballs with ripe plantain sauce and green plantain chips with ripe plantain salsa. Wilo Benet thought Antonia's fell flat because she didn't integrate the ingredients well enough, and her plantain jam had a slimy texture. Richard's meatball was dry and the raw plantain tasted...raw? I didn't really understand that criticism. Stephanie did well with portion size and flavor balancing. Lisa executed her tostones well, but could have sliced the meat smaller. The winner is Stephanie, for her first quickfire win ever! She doesn't get immunity, but she does get an advantage to be named later.
After a welcoming party with traditional food and music, the cheftestants learn about their Elimination Challenge, which will take place at La Fortaleza, the Puerto Rican governor's residence. 100 VIPs and chefs are invited to a garden party catered by the cheftestants, who have to use a whole pig to create their dishes. They will get help from the previously eliminated contestants: Dale, Nikki, Spike, and Andrew. As winner of the Quickfire, Stephanie gets to assign the pairs. She picks Dale for herself, and then pairs Richard and Spike, Antonia and Nikki, and Lisa and Andrew. Dale somehow manages to leave one of Stephanie's dishes, a pork belly with a spice rub, sitting out on the counter overnight. Stephanie immediately decides to trash it, knowing that cooking it could lead to some bad trichinosis for the party guests. Dale feels terrible about his oversight.
Richard cooks BBQ pork shoulder, pork belly with pickled watermelon, ham & beans, and ribs with Malta glaze. Antonia does pork belly with sweet peppers, pork sausage with pigeon peas and rice, and curried pork. Lisa makes yuca and pork rellena, citrus braised pork belly, and adobo roasted pork tostone. Stephanie ends up doing chicharrones (fried pig skin), fruit, and prosciutto salad, coconut pork with plantain pancake, and pork satay on sugar cane. The first dish was her last-minute replacement for the bad pork that Dale effed up.
After the judges (Padma, Tom, Gail, and Wilo) have a chance to sample all of the dishes, it's time for Judges' Table. They call Richard and Stephanie out first, since they were clearly better, as always. Wilo announces that it was a unanimous decision, and the crowd agreed, that Richard is the winner. And he wins a car!
Antonia and Lisa have to face the judges , knowing that they were the bottom two. Lisa gets criticized for doing traditional Latin food when she's known for Asian cooking. She is? Where have I been? Antonia realizes that her beans were undercooked, but didn't realize it until too late, and she takes some criticism for serving all of her food on one dish, which the judges feel was too rustic and not sophisticated enough. And then the judges keep Lisa! WTF? I mean, Antonia is no Stephanie or Richard, but Lisa just sucks. Blergh. To the surprise of no one, Lisa is all bitchy after Antonia leaves, because Richard and Stephanie didn't congratulate her quickly enough. Oh, go suck on a lemon, Lisa. Oh, wait. By your facial expression, you've been sucking on one all season long.
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It's time for the first part of the finale, and the cheftestants are all arriving in Puerto Rico. After some establishing shots of scenic Puerto Rico, we learn that it's been six months since the last challenge, and Stephanie has traveled in Vietnam, Thailand, and Cambodia. It's like her own personal No Reservations. At the airport in Puerto Rico, Stephanie welcomes Antonia with a hug. It turns out that Antonia opened a restaurant since the last challenge and has been "cooking a hundred hours a week." Did you know she's got a daughter? And her daughter is used to her not being around "six or seven nights a week"? Which would be the whole week, if my calculations are correct. Look I'm not saying she's a bad mom. I'm just pointing out what many have said previously: that working as a chef and trying to have a family are often incompatible. And no one knows that more than the arrival, Richard, who recently welcomed a baby daughter to his family. Richard doesn't get a mention of how he spent the interim, though. He's happy to see Stephanie and Antonia, and adds that most people have anticipated those three being in the finals, but no one expected Lisa to get there. Nice of Richard to establish that Lisa is the redheaded stepchild in this scenario, but viewers already knew (and mostly agreed with) that. Speaking of Lisa, she poses while riding down an escalator in the airport, like who stands like that in normal life? I know that the first few episodes had aired before this was filmed, so maybe she's feeling self-conscious in front of the cameras now? She also got a bad short haircut and seems to have lost some weight. At least her face looks thinner; it was always pretty tough to tell what was going on under those bulky chef's coats anyway. The others greet her warmly but you know they're dying inside.
As they are driven to their accommodations, Lisa comments that it hasn't really hit her yet that they're in Puerto Rico. But it will soon! Because it's already time for the Quickfire Challenge. Padma welcomes the cheftestants to a cabana on the beach, which includes a table loaded down with various tropical-looking fruits. The guest judge is Wilo Benet, who Richard informs us is a famous Puerto Rican chef. Padma explains that one of the signature dishes of Puerto Rico is a fritura, or fritter, which is usually served on the beach with a cold beer. So it's like hot dogs at a baseball game or cotton candy at an amusement park. Although cotton candy and beer - not such a good combination. Trust me. Anyway, the challenge is to make frituras for Padma and Wilo. Wilo explains that plantains are probably the most traditional Puerto Rican ingredient, and Padma adds that the cheftestants' creations must include plantains. Stephanie interviews that, before coming to Puerto Rico, she obviously realized that using plantains might be required, so she tried out different ways of preparing them, and none of them worked out. Lisa says that plantains are fairly common so she assumes most chefs know how to work with them. Padma delivers the rest of the rules - forty-minute time limit and they can use anything on the table of produce or from the kitchen - and time begins.
Lisa immediately runs to the kitchen to grab her proteins while the other three head to the table and start gathering produce. Stephanie interviews that during these challenges, she's always had too many ideas in her head so she's trying to simplify. Antonia feels a little overwhelmed at cooking in an unfamiliar kitchen. Lisa familiarizes us with the traditional tostone, where you take a green plantain, smash it, and then fry it. Since I just read an article that said that plantains are often used like potatoes, this makes a lot of sense, but I never would have thought of it because A) I'm not a chef and B) they look like bananas, so I wouldn't think smashing them would work out so well. Richard creates a giant flame ball while turning on a burner, and asks if they just smelled his eyebrows burn off. Everyone chats and chuckles while they dice and slice - the mood seems fairly upbeat and congenial, at least at this point. The cheftestants plate their food and the timer beeps.
Padma and Wilo toast with their glasses of beer as Stephanie walks up with the first plate. Stephanie made tostones with seared tuna and a pork & shrimp fritter with brown butter, lime and basil. Stephanie admits that she's never made tostones before, and Wilo tells her that they're not bad for a first effort. Antonia is ; she made crispy oysters with cilantro-plantain jam and a fried yellow plantain with spicy slaw. Antonia clarifies for Padma that her first dish doesn't contain any plantain other than the jam. , Lisa made tostones with pan-roasted duck and mango-papaya salsa and a sweet plantain, red onion and chorizo fritter with chutney slaw. She explains for Wilo that her chutney slaw has kumquats, oranges, spices, and cucumbers. Seems like kind of an odd combination to me, but what do I know from chutney? Other than that chutney is a funny word. Finally, Richard made pork meatballs with ripe plantain sauce and green plantain chips with ripe plantain salsa. Wilo is surprised that Richard is serving raw plantains at all, since apparently that's usually not done.
Time to find out who won! Wilo liked how everyone used the plantains differently, and he enjoyed all the sauces. In terms of the bottom two, Wilo thought Antonia's frituras fell flat because she didn't integrate the ingredients well enough, and her plantain jam had a slimy texture and a raw taste. Richard's meatball was dry and the raw plantain tasted...raw? I didn't really understand that criticism, except that perhaps plantains should never be served raw. Stephanie did well with portion size and flavor balancing. Lisa executed her tostones well, but Wilo felt that she could have sliced the meat smaller for easier consumption. I think Wilo's criticisms suffer from a language barrier because sometimes I have no clue what he's talking about. The winner is Stephanie, for her first Quickfire win ever! She doesn't get immunity, but she does get an advantage to be named later. She hopes that she can keep her momentum going. Wilo invites all of them to a party in San Juan, where there will be local food and music.
The cheftestants attend the party, which is like a commercial for Puerto Rico tourism. There's rum, and women dancing in colorful dresses, and music, and a whole pig roasting on a spit. Stephanie and Padma join in the dancing. Lisa tries to get Richard dancing but he refuses. Lisa does join in, awkwardly, which I'm sure you find shocking. As we see footage of the celebration, each of the cheftestants expresses that they are enjoying the festivities, but their eyes are on the big prize.
The cheftestants report to La Fortaleza, the Puerto Rican governor's residence, where Padma and Tom inform them that 100 VIPs and chefs will be attending a garden party the night catered by the cheftestants. Tom unveils a whole pig, and then says that they have to each use at least two different parts of the pig to create their dishes. Antonia wrly comments that in their first challenge, they had to make a pizza, so they've come a long way, baby. Or should that be Babe? The previously eliminated contestants (Dale, Nikki, Spike, and Andrew) return to help. At least they didn't bring poor Mark and make him wave sadly when he doesn't get picked yet again and then head for the airport. Lisa knows immediately that she knows she doesn't want to work with Dale, since they have a history, and she doesn't want to work with Andrew, since they have a history too. Oh, Lisa. Who don't you have a history with? Even the people who didn't fight with you probably secretly hate you. As winner of the Quickfire, Stephanie gets to assign the pairs, and she claims that she' s trying to pair people that will work well together, because that's only fair. She picks Dale for herself, because she's known him for ten years (she has? Has this been mentioned before? Or did it get lost in the hubbub of the lesbian partners and Lisa's continued sourpuss?) and then pairs Richard and Spike, Antonia and Nikki, and Lisa and Andrew. Lisa and Andrew both look pretty grossed out by their pairing but don't say anything overtly. Lisa kind of tries to look like, "Heh, isn't it ironic?" but her smarmy demeanor doesn't allow her to pull it off. Andrew claims that he plays with honor and will try to help her win, despite their personal differences.
Tom tells them that they will have thirty minutes to plan a menu and then the sous chefs will head to the market while the cheftestants stay and butcher their pigs. I really like the butchering challenges because I feel like it's a skill that separates a professional chef from an amateur. Well, one among many. But most amateur chefs have never had cause to butcher an animal, and yet professional chefs may be called upon to do so, so it make sense. Maybe I just feel that way because I can't even debone a chicken. Lisa says she'd rather go to the market so that she can choose her food herself. Tom tells them that they will have two hours today and five hours tomorrow.
They all enter the kitchen and, as Stephanie grinningly interviews, "each find [their] own Wilbur." And they are gross-looking. I've seen live pigs and I've seen roasted whole pigs, but I don't think I've ever seen a dead raw pig, unless you count the fetal pig we had to dissect in high school, and even that was pretty gross. And at least I didn't have to eat it at the end. Stephanie points out that most people just pick up a package of meat at the grocery store and don't encounter the animal from whence it came. Richard and Spike discuss their plan; Richard mumbles something about pulling the head and feet off the pig and creating a dish called "Head to Toe." He wants to implement creativity and play to his own skills and cooking flavor. Antonia is hoping to go more traditional and use local flavors, and Nikki agrees. Lisa says that she won't be putting her usual Asian flair into her dishes. She has an Asian flair? I mean, I knew Dale was actually criticized for making everything into an Asian dish, but I didn't realize that was Lisa's specialty as well. I must not have been paying close enough attention in episodes. It must be the wine I generally drink while watching. Anyway, Lisa wants to make it Puerto Rican and use spicy rum glaze. Richard interviews that he doesn't think that it's a smart tactic to try to make local favorites, since it's kind of playing someone else's game instead of making it your own. True. Plus, can you really make better Puerto Rican food than the chefs who will be in attendance? Lisa continues to plan her menu with minimal input from Andrew - she just kind of bulldozers through it, which is her right, since it's her menu, but it's also kind of annoying. Lisa interviews that she's confident enough in her Latin food that she thinks the local will enjoy it.
The sous chefs head to the market. Nikki is a little confused by some of the items that she doesn't recognize. Andrew tries to get one of the shopkeepers to do his shopping for him, but she is not having it. She claims she doesn't speak English, but she has a look on her face like, "Bitch, please." Andrew interviews that he doesn't speak much Spanish, so he tries to communicate via naming colors and using gestures. We see Andrew using this technique on the shopkeeper, who has no clue what he's talking about. Andrew admits that this happens more often than not. Spike and Dale gather some produce. Dale explains that, in the Philippines, they eat black plantains, which are quite sweet even though they look rotten. He thinks Stephanie will dig the ingredient, so he picks out quite a few.
Back in the kitchen, the cheftestants prepare to butcher. Lisa wishes everyone, "Happy hoggin'!" which was the only amusing thing she said in the whole episode. Well, other than that she thinks she deserves to win. Stephanie admits that she's never butchered a whole pig, but butchering is the same with any animal really. Antonia breaks off a hock and giggles that it looks like a drumstick from The Flintstones. Both Lisa and Richard try to use brute force, and Lisa's mallet breaks. She jokes it's happening because she's Jewish. Antonia kind of rolls her eyes and in her interview says that all you really need is a sharp knife, because you can pop the bones out of their sockets. She realizes how gross that sounds. Stephanie apologizes to her pig. Of course she does. Richard interviews about a friend he had growing up who used to drink this beverage called Malta, and Richard has been using it as a glaze in his cooking. He calls Spike at the market and asks him to pick some up.
The sous chefs return to the kitchen with two hours left to prep. Antonia is thrilled with the food that Nikki picked up, especially the mangoes and local honey. Richard has brought green masking tape to label all of his food, so that they can find it easily and also probably to prevent others from taking them and then going, "Oh, I thought those were my papayas" or whatever. Richard interviews that with eight chefs in cramped quarters, being organized is key. Antonia asks to use Richard's green tape, and we don't hear his answer, but it seems sort of counterintuitive if he did let her use it. Then again, it never comes up again in this episode, so I'll drop it.
Stephanie explains that she's letting Dale prepare the rub for the pork belly so they can marinate it overnight. Andrew interviews that Lisa has a strong personality as we see multiple instances of Lisa snapping at Andrew. Richard interviews that Lisa is "a bit much sometimes" and has "a bad attitude." Okay, editors, we get it. You want us to hate Lisa. I do! But your editing is starting to make me want to be contrary and come back around to liking her again! Stop. Anyway, Lisa continues to order Andrew around and explains that, at this stage in the competition, even one error will kill your chances. Dale interviews that he was trying to get set up for the day, and struggled to find room in the fridge for everything. The timer goes off, and everyone gathers their things to leave. But wait? What's that, in a pan on a shelf under the counter? It's Stephanie's pork belly! Dale forgot to put it in the fridge. And pork left out of the fridge is not a good idea, unless you're hoping for trichinosis or worse.
The morning, the cheftestants report to the kitchen where they will have five hours to get ready for the party. Dale discovers and then has to tell Stephanie that he left the pork out all night. Stephanie, emotion in her voice, says that they have to throw it out because they don't know how hot it got in the kitchen overnight. Stephanie does an amazing job of not freaking out; I mean, Dale just completely ruined one of her dishes, perhaps her main dish, and now she has five hours to figure something out, and presumably doesn't have time to go back to the market, and who knows if she saved the parts of the pig she wasn't planning on using? But she just calmly tells Dale it's okay as he apologizes. Dale interviews that he'll never forgive himself if he gets Stephanie sent home. They check out the menu and start to figure out a substitute.
Richard gives Spike some instructions, but in a kind way, as Spike prepares some pickled watermelon. Richard interviews that he likes equipment and gadgets, but he also recognizes that it's important to keep it simple sometimes. Richard's menu includes BBQ pork shoulder, pork belly with pickled watermelon, ham & beans, and ribs with Malta glaze.
Antonia's menu consists of pork belly with sweet peppers, pork sausage with pigeon peas and rice, and curried pork with pumpkin and yuca. Antonia complains to Nikki that her rice is not cooking properly. She explains, "The top is like, mush, and the bottom is, like, raw." Antonia tells Nikki to toss it and start over. Nikki tries to diplomatically find a way to discuss this in an interview, and says cautiously that Antonia doesn't seem as focused and strong as usual, so Nikki is doing what she can to take up the slack. For her part, Antonia claims that she's not thinking about her restaurant that just opened, so I guess that means she's totally thinking about that, and that's her problem?
Lisa's menu includes yuca and pork rellena, citrus braised pork belly, and adobo roasted pork tostone. That's about all we get to hear from Lisa.
Stephanie and Dale discuss what in the hell they are going to do. Stephanie knows that if she only puts out two dishes when everyone else is doing three, she'll go home. Dale suggests chicharrones, which are fried pig skin. So Stephanie ends up doing chicharrones (fried pig skin), fruit, and prosciutto salad, coconut pork with plantain pancake, and pork satay on sugar cane. She admits that she's actually kind of excited about her new dish.
With thirty minutes left, the chefs chop and dice and taste and season. Antonia says that her daughter told her to not even come home if she doesn't win. Which I'm sure is meant to sound cute, but kind of creeps me out. And it seems like a lot of pressure.
The cheftestants take their food outside to their tables with thirty minutes left to prep. Stephanie is preparing some sort of blini, and she's doubting that decision as she interviews that one little error can mean the difference in terms of making it to the finals. Lisa interviews that, in the final challenge, they will get to cook their own food on their own terms, so she just has one more hurdle before reaching that goal. Richard starts plating his food and interviews that he really wants to win this challenge after his disappointing Quickfire. Everyone plates and tastes and seasons and the timer runs out.
The guests arrive. Lisa interviews that it's an honor to cook for the First Lady and all of the VIPs. Padma, Tom, Wilo, and Gail arrive at Stephanie's table and sample her wares. Wilo has questions about the plantain pancake, and Gail likes the fruit salad. Stephanie interviews that the judges were smiling while eating her food so she feels like she's okay. It's sad that Stephanie's goal probably went from winning the challenge to not getting sent home the minute Dale left the pork out overnight. The judges head to Richard's table . He has a story for each dish, including one dish that's an homage to his mother, one that's an homage to his hometown of Atlanta, and he also explains the backstory on the Malta beverage. Richard explains something that it seems many cheftestants never learn: "The goal is to bend each challenge to your strengths, not to totally change your style to the challenge." The judges don't give him much feedback.
The sun sets and the judges head over to Lisa's table. Gail comments that one dish is really sweet. Padma asks her what a mojo is, and Lisa says that it's a garlicky dipping sauce. Lisa interviews again about there being no room for mistakes, but I think we got it. Finally, the judges head to Antonia's table. Gail asks about the curried pork and Antonia says she was trying to be traditional. Padma asks how long they soaked the beans, and Antonia says it was overnight. After the judges leave, Nikki gives Antonia a hug. They are sure to show a bunch of shots of Antonia's table, at which there is no line at all. Various party attendees express their enjoyment of all four cheftestants, so that was pretty much useless. I feel like we got a lot less feedback on the dishes this time during the event; maybe all that footage courtesy of the Puerto Rican tourism department took up too much time.
The event ends, and it's time for Judges' Table. Wilo was impressed with the quality of the dishes overall. Tom liked Richard's pork belly (that he cooked, not referring to Richard's body, although that would be kind of funny) and Stephanie's chicharrones. He thought Lisa and Antonia were not as strong as the others. In the waiting room, the cheftestants squirm and discuss if they had any fatal flaws. Antonia admits that her peas were undercooked.
Padma calls Richard and Stephanie out first, since they were clearly better, as always. Antonia gets this sort of bemused look on her face, since she knows that if she's being paired with Lisa, she's in the bottom two. In front of the judges, Richard says he thought it was a great challenge. Tom liked that Richard seemed to simplify his dishes. Stephanie says that she liked working with Dale. Wilo loved the flavor of Stephanie's pork dishes. At first, I thought Stephanie would mention the bad pork incident, but I think it was kind of cool that she didn't, and try to make it out like, "Not only did I make great food, but look at the obstacles I had to overcome in doing so!" Wilo announces that it was a unanimous decision, and the crowd agreed, that Richard is the winner. And he wins a car! Richard is stunned and thrilled. Boy, he looks like Jim Breuer sometimes, doesn't he?
Richard and Stephanie have to send Antonia and Lisa out to face the judges , knowing that they were the bottom two. Richard hugs Antonia, and not Lisa, which will be important in a moment. Padma tells them that they were bottom two and asks Lisa if she's surprised. I kind of expected Lisa to show some self-awareness and say, "I've been bottom two for like, the last twenty-five challenges, so no, I'm not surprised. I was in the bottom two before the show even started. I was in the bottom two last season!" Alas, Lisa has no such self-awareness and just says something about everyone having strong dishes. Tom criticizes Lisa for doing traditional Latin food when she's known for Asian influence. Lisa defends her Latin experience. Gail thought the sweet potato puree was sweet and overpowering, and she thought Lisa's dishes focused more on the garnishes than the pig. Wilo asks about the tostones, which he didn't feel had much balance.
Padma turns the attention to Antonia, who admits that her pigeon peas were undercooked. She says that she likes her peas al dente, which I don't think is even a word applied to vegetables, is it? Antonia says that she didn't realize it until too late. Padma asks why Antonia served all of her dishes on one plate, and Gail says that she couldn't distinguish the dishes. Antonia and Lisa are dismissed, and no one says a word backstage.
Tom repeats the trope about not allowing mistakes at this point, and Lisa made mistakes. Gail repeats her "too sweet" comment (that's all she could find wrong with the dishes?) and Tom says that he didn't like the combination of dishes. Gail also didn't like the tostones, especially being served to a Puerto Rican crowd. Backstage, Lisa says she knows she's going home. Antonia looks like she wants to throw up, and Lisa says that she doesn't think her food was bad, but she's being realistic. On the one hand, good for her, but on the other hand, there's that famous negativity. Like why would you say that other than to hope one of the other people will go, "Oh, no! Not you! How could they send you home?" And of course, no one says that, because they all want Lisa to leave.
The judges discuss Antonia's food. Gail thought they were the least sophisticated dishes, and Tom doesn't buy the whole "one plate" argument. Tom also doesn't get the reasoning for undercooking beans. Backstage, Antonia says that she really, really doesn't want to go. Unlike the others, who are dying to be eliminated.
The judges call Antonia and Lisa back out for the decision. Tom recognizes that these cheftestants have come a long way from the beginning of the competition, but adds that they both fell a bit flat in this challenge. He tells Antonia that her fatal flaws were the undercooked peas and serving everything on the same plate. He tells Lisa that some of her dishes fell short of the mark. The final decision was cemented when they realized that one table had virtually no line waiting for food and then passes it to Padma, who tells Antonia to pack her knives and go. Antonia shakes the judges' hands and leaves. Lisa promises the judges that they won't be disappointed. Oh, I bet they will. In her exit interview, Antonia laments that she came all this way and now has to go, and says that she put her whole heart into this competition. And of course, she mentions her daughter again. Stephanie and Richard hug Antonia, and Antonia tells Stephanie to kick their asses, so we know whose side she's on.
And then the episode continues, so I figured they were going to have a scene where each of the final three announces that he or she is going to win. But no. Instead, there's a kind of awkward silence after Antonia leaves and Lisa bitches, "I know you guys are upset that Antonia's leaving, but a congratulations would have been nice." Wow. Wooooooooooooow. The unmitigated gall on that woman. Stephanie and Richard are exhausted, and trying to process that their friend left instead of Lisa, and she's pissed about their manners? Did she say congratulations to them? Because they just made the finals too. Stephanie immediately congratulates Lisa, but quite angrily, and Richard follows suit. Lisa mumbles that they must think that the wrong person went home. No one contradicts her. Richard awesomely interviews, "What did she expect? I don't understand that. You won the fucking bronze medal. Congratulations. There you go." And we'll let Richard have the last word. Thanks for letting me sub in on one of my favorite shows this week - Chuck will be back week for the finale!