By Keckler
We open live with Padma in a fugly peasant dress, shouting too loudly about how...the show is live. Whatever.
After some foreshadowing from the cheftestants about adjusting to the altitude, they ski-lift it to the Aspen Mountain Club, where they receive the final challenge: cook the meal of their lives. A Top Chef-branded ice sculpture (hee) looms over the ingredients table as Casey, Dale, and Hung decide on their three-course meals. Then it's time to draw knives to see who their sous-chefs will be, and while the cheftestants assume their booted compadres will be brought back to help them, it's actually celebrity-sous-chef time. Hung is paired with Rocco, Casey with Michelle Bernstein, and Dale with Todd English.
Into the kitchen they go for Day 1, which is prep. All the sous chefs seem fairly confident in the cheftestants, although nearly to a man they comment that the cheftestants are going too complex with the dishes. Still, the sous chefs aren't allowed to comment/advise, so they don't. Rocco and Hung get along great; Michelle doesn't seem super-confident in Casey, but by the end of the day she's won over.
On Day 2, it's the usual panic in the kitchen, and then Colicchio drags them out onto the patio mid-prep for another twist: 1) they have to prepare a fourth course, and 2) now the booted compadres have come back to give them a hand. Hung is paired with Sara, Casey with Howie, and Dale with CJ.
More panic. More altitude issues. The guests take their seats -- it's the usual judges plus Tom, the sous chefs from the day before, and Malarkey. Finally the food goes out, and Casey doesn't do very well; Dale and Hung both get mixed-to-good reviews. Ditto at judges' table, where Casey is out of it quickly and it comes down to Dale versus Hung.
Interspersed with the episode proper are the "live" bits before and after commercials, which add nothing except to the episode's running time, but we're repeatedly told that the cheftestants are backstage, watching the show. Ouch. At long last they're paraded out in front of the live audience (which includes Hung's BFF Marcel). More speechifying from both judges and cheftestants (particularly painful in Casey's case, since, having seen the footage now, she knows she's toast), but fast-forwarding through the gimmickry to minute 74, Hung is declared the winner. He jumps all around and is genuinely over the moon about it, which is nice to see.
(Totally ganked my show page title idea from the brilliant minds at Amuse-Biatch.)
Casey. Dale. Hung. Hit it.
Actually, make that Dale. Hung. Hit it. Clearly, Dale's preview comments about Casey being unfocussed were painfully prophetic.
As the show opens in a live Chicago studio with Padma in the navy version of a bridesmaid dress my babysitter wore in the early '80s, I am reminded of Sars noting in her recaplet how worthless these little spots are. You know what that means? I don't have to recap them! Much. Padma welcomes us, reminds us why we're tuned in, and tells us that the three final cheftestants are backstage awaiting the final decree. Man, just...poor Casey.
Casey's CocktailYield: 1 strong cocktail
3 ounces apple cider
1 ounce Pommelle, or other cider-flavored liqueur
1 ounce golden rum
1 ounce bourbon
3 clovesThe Shake:
Slam everything together, stick it in the fridge, and let the cloves macerate in the drink overnight. When ready to serve, garnish with a non-sous-vide apple cheek, stick in a bendy straw, and drink the loss away.
Aspen. The cheftestants wake up with various nervous or excited reactions to the finals. Casey is having trouble breathing because of the altitude, but she still thinks she can GO! ALL! THE! WAY! A short time later, they all just happen to be hanging in Casey's room when room service wheels in a tray of food. Their appetites are immediately suppressed when they open up some Top Chef stationery (when you care enough to scare the very best) and find lift tickets. Casey reads, "Meet us at the top of the mountain to find out about your final challenge..."
The three cheftestants and a camera guy or two ride a gondola up to the tippy top of the mountain, where they find Tom and Padma standing to tables full of food. There's also a totally unnecessary ice sculpture with "Top Chef" carved into it. Frankly, I would have thought an icy representation of Gail Simmons would have been more impressive. Since they're on the grounds, Padma drones a quick commercial about the Aspen Mountain Club, which seems rather pointless since we learn that the waiting list is "years long." Colicchio delivers the final challenge: "Cook us the best meal you've ever cooked in your life." So simple. Colicchio throws a spanner into the works, though. Unlike in past years, when each cheftestant cooked a meal in turn, this time they're all going to cook at the same time, in the same kitchen, and serve their food simultaneously. They have thirty-five minutes to plan their three-course menu, and they get to choose their ingredients from what they see in front of them, as well as use the special ingredients they brought with them.
The cheftestants look, plan, and taste. Dale is thrilled that they have so many peak summer ingredients at their disposal. Hung's three-course menu will be as follows: Hamachi, Modern Vietnamese Fusion Dish, and Duck. "What's more Asian than duck?" Hung quacks at us. Casey breathes hard and scribbles hard and reminds us that, at this altitude, things like soufflés are hard to accomplish. Boy, they just have her bitching AND moaning! Anyway, Casey's menu: Foie Gras (because it wouldn't be a Top Chef finale without foie gras), Giant Prawns, and Pork Belly. Casey sighs heavily again. She needs to stop, that because I'm starting to have sympathy asthma. Dale tries to get them all to coordinate their meals, and announces that he is also planning on foie gras (because it wouldn't be a Top Chef finale without COMPETING foie gras) and prawns. However, since both Hung and Casey are doing prawns, Dale switches to lobster. Dale's menu: Foie Gras, French-Style Gnocchi with Lobster, and Colorado Lamb.
Colicchio walks up to collect their menus and bring them back to the gondolas. However, instead of going back down the mountain, the three cheftestants find Padma and The Dreaded Knife Block (tm Dale). You all know what's coming: it's time to choose teams! The cheftestants pull knives, numbered 1, 2, and 3; and the numbers correspond to specific sous chefs. Of course, we're all thinking that the old cheftestants are coming back; Casey was even thinking they'd be stuck with the "weakest" cheftestants. Hung clearly thought the same thing, because as he stands there -- having pulled 1 -- he mutters, "Micah, Howie, or Clay." He tells us that he's dreading having any former cheftestants come back because he thinks "they've all been haters towards [him]." But in an awesome twist of awesome, who strides off the gondola? Rocco DiSpirito. Which means that, based on who we saw in the previews with Rocco, we can extrapolate that the other two sous chefs are Todd "Figgy Pudding" English and Sandra Bernhard's doppelganger, Michelle Bernstein. Hung is adorably excited to see Rocco. He throws his arms up to signal that Rocco is his, and Rocco throws back his head in amusement. Hung scampers over to greet Rocco, and there's something about the setting sun and the contrast of Hung's dental plaque-colored Top Chef jacket against Rocco's diamond-bright white one that just seems to send a celestial aura burning through Rocco. I almost expect to hear angelic choirs. Aside from that superficial blessing, Rocco looks so much healthier than he did earlier in the season. His hair is carefully mussed, and he seems to have squeezed a good deal of Botox out of his face. Either that, or he gained some much-needed weight. In short, he looks freaking hot!
I know I've ripped on Rocco quite a bit, and I don't take any of that back. The guy made a compete ass of himself on The Restaurant with the schmoozing, the preening, the Vespa presenting, and the lack of cooking. And frankly, when he came back to Bravo and showed up on Top Chef this year, he was still a bit of an ass. He had a chip on his shoulder and he took really bad styling advice. Then after that appearance, Bourdain rightfully ripped into him right on the Bravo blogs, but what followed was pretty impressive. Rocco didn't whine or cry or make excuses. He calmly accepted Bourdain's slaps, calmly commented on them, and calmly moved on. It took an impressive amount of guts and self-discipline, but Rocco did it. Finally, here he comes back to Top Chef, and it was a reappearance I was dreading, but he was charming and helpful and ego-free. That is the sort of Rocco who can make a comeback. Plus, as I already mentioned, the hotness is back.
Hung tells Rocco, "Awesome, I'm so glad it's you." "I'm glad you're glad," Rocco tells him. Casey burbles excitedly, "Who am I going to get?" Michelle Bernstein is the to arrive, so we've got some girl-on-girl action there. Casey greets her happily. And finally for Dale -- arriving in a black jacket with red accents, black pants, looking like the chef supervillain of the three -- is Todd English. "Here's how bad his on-camera chemistry is," the Evil Dr. Mathra analyzes for me "That coat? Is actually white." That's by way of saying that we were unfavorably impressed by The Todd when he did a Boston cooking show awkwardly named Cooking In With Todd English that aired on WGBH. We also had friends who worked in his kitchens and proclaimed him the height of assholery. However, that said, we adored his food at both Figs and Olives, and his pizza dough recipe is a godsend. (A Todd-send?) Meanwhile, he has a dorky MySpace page that plays "Roxanne." However, it doesn't matter what I think, because Dale is stoked about his assigned sous chef. The cheftestants and their "assistants" scurry off to begin their three hours of prep.
Back in the live studio with Padma, we learn that there are "some Hung supporters in the audience." Ahem. I'm sure his brothers are proud to be so described. Padma says that in the audience are Hung's mom and brother and a "rather familiar face." Pathetically, instead of showing the folks who are actually relevant tonight -- Hung's family -- the camera focuses on the rather familiar hair of Marcel. Ew! Marcel traded in his Wolverine sideburns for an Amish beard! So unattractive. No matter his height, coloring, or age, every guy who tries that just ends up looking like Abe Lincoln.
The six chefs get into the kitchens to start prepping and going over their menus. Rocco is impressed to hear that Hung has a bottle of tamarind juice to use for one of his dishes, and Hung tells us that Rocco totally gets him. Aw, they're in love! Although we never got to see it in The Restaurant, we've heard that Rocco is at his best when he's actually cooking, so this could be quite the television redemption arc for Rocco. Hung sends Rocco off to get cutting boards and other supplies.
Dale asks The Todd about his googolplex of restaurants. Michelle dips in with "He has so many restaurants -- you're amazing, I don't know how you do it!" The Todd's all, "I can't even remember them all sometimes." Dale tells us, "It feels really strange to say, 'I know you have more restaurants you can count, but chop me garlic right now.'" Dale goes on to say that the sous chefs are not allowed to give advice, but that you could see it on their faces when they really wanted to say something.
Casey seems to be having difficulty verbalizing her instructions to Michelle. They discuss the pork belly prep. Michelle tells the camera she's worried about the pork belly because she fears they don't have enough time to get it tender. She personally would not have chosen it. Casey mutters to herself as she collects ingredients and tells us, "Sometimes it's almost easier to just do it yourself because as you're doing it you think of things. Or you might change something, or do something a little differently." Casey stands there and thinks aloud to Michelle about her menu. Michelle tells the camera that she's a minimalist, so every time Casey added something, she wanted to subtract. This is not boding well for a XX win.
Hung tells us how awesome it was to have Rocco supporting all his ideas. In the kitchen, Hung brings up Bourdain's blog: "He says he'd love to see a cook-off between you and I." "I'll tell you what," says Rocco. "Here's what we'll do -- we'll open a restaurant together. This way, Anthony will never know whose the better cook." HA! Hung giggles.
The Todd comments to Michelle how nice it is not to have to think for a change. Dale tells us that The Todd "is basically [his] prep bitch." I wouldn't say that to The Todd's face. His eyebrows shoot death rays. Meanwhile, Dale checks on some lobsters and brandy and comments, "Even though it is a celebrity chef that is my sous chef, I am confident at this point that I am a great chef and I am a great cook and I don't know if I want advice." He then instructs The Todd to chop some herbs a little finer. The Todd tells us, "The only critique I might say about Dale's menu is I'm a little worried he's made things a little too complex and some things may not meld together." Too complex? This from the guy who served wood-grilled salmon over mustard-chorizo mashed potatoes with clams and asparagus sauce, and whose "specials" menu had nine appetizers and ten entrees alongside an already tome-like regular menu printed on 11x17 paper. Simple, The Todd is not.
Dale comments that he had to deal with "altitude shenanigans," which lost him an hour when making the gnocchi. Also related to altitude, Casey has a hard time getting a boil, because the burners are adversely affected. Casey tells us, "At this high altitude, the burners work differently, the boiling point is different, it's tricky." But boiling point is lower at high altitudes, which would work to their advantage, so it's just the burners that are really problematic. However, since you can't ever get water to a temperature higher than 212°, even if you bring the water to a rolling boil, you aren't necessarily cooking your food the same way you'd be doing at 212°. Dale also bitches about a lack of boiling water, and is concerned about how his gnocchi are turning out. With forty-five minutes left, he has to change his gnocchi tactics.
More Food Flurry. The sous chefs weigh in on the cheftestants. Rocco admits that he doesn't totally comprehend all of what Hung is doing, but he thinks Hung just needs to make sure to taste everything. The Todd likes that Dale is being regional and seasonal. Michelle thinks Casey was pretty nervous in the beginning, but as time goes on, she has gotten inspired by Casey's attitude and she really likes her and wants everything to work out for her. Time ticks down and prep is done for the day. All the sous chefs embrace all the cheftestants and wish them luck.
Back to Padma, who tells us Casey's family is in the audience. Thanks, Padma.
The morning, the cheftestants are back in the kitchen for two more hours before service. Having learned with the elk challenge that portable stoves produce a good sear, Hung pulls out portable stoves and takes over the back area. Hung tells us that his signature food has "strong Asian flavors," and the fact that the judges couldn't see soul in his food really hurt him. He tells us that he has a second chance to prove himself "for real."
Food Flurry. After Casey explains to us how she plans to use the two hours for nothing groundbreaking, Hung tells us how comfortable he is with the challenge: "It's only three courses -- that's like a walk in the park." Especially for average palates.
Colicchio arrives for his final Sniff 'n' Sneer of the season. Checking in with Dale, Colicchio learns that Dale scrapped his idea of French gnocchi because of the water boiling issue, so he just went with traditional gnocchi. Colicchio moves on to Casey and questions her closely on how she prepared the pork belly. She braised it yesterday and now it's crisping in a low oven. Colicchio wonders how long she plans on leaving it in. Casey isn't really sure, but she thinks it's almost there. Over at Hung's station, Colicchio notes the portable burners, and the misdirected loser music plays as Colicchio gets a rundown of Hung's menu. Hung laughs to us, "Every time I explain my ingredients to Chef Tom, he gives me this look as if I'm nuts! And I can see it in his eyes, like, 'What is wrong with this guy?'" Hung finally finishes his explanations: "Very clean -- that's Hung!" Colicchio then pulls everyone away from cooking: "Come on. Let's go take a little walk, a little break." Dale's reaction to this is "Well, kiss my ass -- I have like an hour left and you're taking me out of the kitchen?!" Hung tells us, "I'm wondering, 'What the hell is going on? I've got dinner to put out!'" Nevertheless, they all follow Colicchio to yet another dreaded knife block and are told that they will each have to prepare a fourth course. They can use whatever is available in the kitchen, and can patch the course in at any point in their meal. "I wanted to punch him in the face," Dale shrugs. To offset this latest twist, the cheftestants are going to get some help in the form of more sous chefs. Out walk Sara M., CJ, and Howie. ...Interesting choices. No Tre, no Brian. Hung doesn't want to work with Howie because "he's a messy cook," and he doesn't want to cook with CJ because, as he tells us, "CJ hates my guts for I don't know what reason." They draw knives to pair up as follows: Casey and Howie, Hung and Sara, Dale and CJ. The six go back to the kitchen for their last hour.
Hung tells Sara that, for his fourth course, he wants to make chocolate cake. He even has recipes ready to go because he wants to prove to the judges that he's well-rounded. Sara thinks it's a pleasure to work for Hung even if he gets a little nuts at times.
Casey looks at Howie as just another set of hands, and the two of them investigate the walk-in to determine what Casey's extra course should be. They settle on beef. Howie tells us, "None of us became executive chefs from the day you walk into a kitchen. We've all had to work under other people, so it's easy for me to jump into that and say, 'Okay, Chef, tell me what you need.'" That's very nice of him -- he's clearly chilled a good bit since he was packed off.
With thirty-five minutes left, Dale quickly goes over his to-do list with CJ, who admits to not remembering anything Dale told him at that moment, but says he managed to figure it out later. "And I was excited," CJ adds. Dale doesn't want to do a dessert for his fourth dish because he's been busted on it before, so he's going to do a "quick scallop dish" and put it toward the beginning of his meal. CJ tells us, "So we just came up with this great purslane and scallop dish, and he just gave it to me and so I just got to make this dish and I was excited because it's his thing but I just feel more a part of it because I get to make this whole thing." Wow, that's all by way of saying that CJ made the whole scallop dish thing.
Howie tells us, "It's one thing if I screw up for myself, but it's another thing if I screw up somebody else's chances of doing something great so that kind of puts a lot of extra pressure on me." That's almost a perfect symmetry to something he said during the frozen Rocco challenge: "I don't mind if I go home for my screw-up, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna go home for somebody else's inability to work as a team."
All of a sudden, there's just ten minutes to go, and Casey freaks out a little bit. This is where Dale says, "When Casey's focused, she's focused, but if she's out of sorts, she's a mess." Food is plated for the first course and carried out by servers.
Padma reminds us they are in Chicago, which is Dale's hometown, which means he has a lot of supporters there. Thanks, Padma. I don't know what we'd do without you.
The judges arrive and seat themselves. In addition to Colicchio, Ted, Gail, Padma, Rocco, Michelle, and The Todd, we also have one of the Brians showing up as a guest judge. Padma in a dub-over says, "And a special thanks to Brian, who can give us his unique perspective as a former contender for the title." Unique perspective, multiple perspectives -- it's all the same thing.
The cheftestants follow their plates out and take in the panel of judges. Hung is the first to explain his version of fish and chips, which is composed of raw hamachi drizzled with olive oil "and a touch of love," thin fried slices of fingerling potatoes dusted with preserved plum powder, and a tomato-sherry vinaigrette. That "touch of love" thing is spreading it a tad thick, Hung. Speaking of thick, Dale says his foie gras mousse is served with slices of raw Chioggia beets, donut peaches, a ras el hanout gastrique, and baby arugula. There's also lemon, thyme, peppercorn, and pistachios in there, but I'm not totally clear how. Also serving foie gras first, Casey explains that her seared version has been marinated in mirin and is accompanied by a citrus and honey reduction on top of some sous-vide Gala apples along with a cinnamon-scented scallop and lemon-poached celery.
The cheftestants retreat. Everyone loves Hung's dish, but note that it needed acid and salt. Michelle says it "screamed" for acid, but that seems to get really downplayed later. God, you'd think last week would have cured Hung of his lemon juice amnesia. They find Dale's foie gras wonderfully flavorful, but with an unrelieved richness. Colicchio wishes for more than just raw beets on this dish. Finally getting to Casey's dish, they're all pretty impressed; Rocco -- sliding his eyes sideways, as if checking worriedly to determine if he's voicing the right opinion, poor, battered guy -- thinks Casey cooked her foie gras beautifully. All agree on that, but they also all agree that the major problem is that the salmon roe makes the entire dish way too fishy.
Back in the kitchen, Casey bellows about too-small plates, and the other cheftestants call out for the servers. The dishes go out to the judges. Again, Hung goes first and explains that his shrimp has been caramelized with palm sugar and has a touch of tamarind and garlic. There's also a julienne salad of cucumbers, radish, and carrots, tossed with tamarind, lime juice, honey, and some olive oil, and the topping froth is coconut. Dale's dish is his "surprise" dish: he has a purslane, fennel, and marinated grape salad under a seared scallop, which is topped with freeze-dried sweet corn. Last, Casey showcases her sake-poached jumbo prawn on a crispy bamboo rice cake, surrounded by a yuzu-lobster broth with lobster mushrooms. Casey's dish also has some things that look like purple haricot string beans (either that, or she burned the shit out of them, à la CJ's broccolini) and a smudge of caviar. "Dale's dish is pretty amazing," Rocco ventures. "SO GOOD!" Michelle says, leaning in passionately. The Todd compliments Dale's sense of texture and says that it makes eating his dish fun. Michelle proclaims Dale's surprise dish to be her favorite of all the dishes so far. Brian says that Dale is "really going for it" in this dish, and The Todd agrees that Dale is not holding back at all. Hung's dish, while acknowledged to be delicious, again needs acid. Sadly, Casey's dish is criticized for having too much stuff and also for another addition of roe.
Kitchen. Dishes are finalized, plated, and brought out. Hung's dish is sous-vide duck breast, a chanterelle and lobster mushroom ragout with foie gras, and a sauce of duck stock with lemongrass and black truffle essence. I will dream of that dish until the day I die. Dale has a summer ragout with butter-poached lobster, raw sweet corn, chanterelle mushrooms, basil gnocchi, and curry jus. Casey's dish is crispy pork belly over gingered pea shoots, a "perfectly roasted summer peach" with a sherry and shallot reduction, and, finally, a cardamom-whipped crème fraîche, which Bravo spells as "crème fraichee," forgetting the circumflex and giving it an extra "e." Hung's duck is adored by everyone. The Todd calls it "three-star Michelin," and Michelle admits, "It's perfect -- I'm a little jealous." Padma asks Rocco about helping Hung on this dish. Rocco says, "I'm pretty sure he had a list of things for me to do that had nothing to do with the menu he's making -- just keeping me out of his hair, I'm almost convinced of that -- but everything I did is in this dish now." Dale's gnocchi is too heavy and the curry overwhelming, and Colicchio calls the whole dish "terrible." Casey's dish is also not very well received. While the peach might be perfect, the pork belly totally misses. Michelle thinks Casey left it in the oven too long.
The fourth dishes come out. Hung steps up and explains his dessert of a chocolate cake with raspberries, an almond and nougatine tuile, and fresh vanilla cream. It's his "surprise" dish. Dale's final lamb dish is a rack poached in duck fat and served with eggplant and onion puree, olive oil-poached cherry tomatoes, white anchovy and garlic salsa verde, and raw summer squash. Casey's final beef dish -- her "surprise" dish -- is seared sirloin with roasted fingerling potatoes, roasted chanterelles, ruby chard, and a red wine reduction. "I'm happy to see dessert, I gotta tell you," Rocco says. "It looks really nice," Gail says, and then because she suddenly got nauseated from being too complimentary, she adds, "I mean, who knows how it will taste." They all love Dale's lamb. Michelle says, "The puree of the eggplant is baby smooth." When she says "baby-smooth," is she referring to bottoms or Gerber? They all think Casey redeemed herself with the beef dish. Moving on to Hung's dish, no one has a problem with it, but they don't think it was as adventurous as the rest of Hung's food. Rocco says, "It's a perfect chocolate cake with a perfect crème fraîche." Um, dude? Crème fraîche and vanilla cream are not the same thing. Remotely. Crème fraîche is sour. Vanilla cream is not. Please tell me you knew that and just misspoke. Ted comments on how the dish clearly evokes Hung's beautiful sense of restraint, but The Todd comments, "Wasn't the point of this meal to blow us away?" "Yes," says Colicchio. "Does that blow you away?" "No, it doesn't blow me away," says The Todd. Okay, we will register The Todd as "not blown away." I'm glad we cleared that up.
The cheftestants hug and thank and say goodbye to their cheftestant sous chefs before going out and receiving applause from the dinner table of judges. Padma thanks them and says they'll see them at Judges' Table.
In Chicago, Padma gives us more useless info.
Judges' Table. After talking about what a great meal it was, Ted, Gail, Colicchio, and Padma bring out the trio. And this is where the Casey train wreck begins. My face still has nail gouges from where I clutched it in horror. It's so sad that this is the very last time we will see her smile so excitedly, because at this point, she thinks she still has a chance in hell. All three cheftestants talk about how they feel they cooked that day. They're all very proud -- Dale thinks he was finally cooking as himself, and Casey thinks she did some beautiful dishes but would maybe change some things -- and Hung excitedly says, "It's great because I like to cook at the spur of the moment and that's when you really get to use your natural instincts as a cook." How spur-of-the-moment is it when you know you're going to cook the meal of your life (it's been the same challenge since Top Chef time began) and also get to bring $200 worth of special ingredients?
Colicchio asks whether any of the cheftestants had a dish they know or felt didn't quite work out as they planned. Dale happily tells the judges that he was going to do his foie mousse as a cannoli, but that there was no fryer in the kitchen. Gail italics that she loved the foie flavor but that "there was a little too much of it." Dale admits that it could have used some bread, but "that wasn't in the cards today." Colicchio proclaims Dale's second dish "a triumph," and asks how much of it was a collaboration between him and CJ. "It was one hundred percent fifty-fifty collaboration," Dale announces proudly. "How Bayesian," the Evil Dr. Mathra says, warming up his ire for NumbTHREErs. Of course, we know that CJ executed it 100%, but Colicchio doesn't ask who made it. Colicchio tells Dale that the dish -- the lobster and gnocchi -- was an "absolute mess." The lobster was undercooked, the gnocchi was too heavy, and the curry was overpowering. Moving to his lamb dish, Gail mentions that Colicchio explained it was a deconstructed ratatouille and wants to know whether Dale has ever made it before. Never, Dale admits; the duck-fat poaching was his way of compensating for the high altitude. "Dale, you are one decadent boy," says Ted with a big decadent smile. HoYay! Wait, what do you call it when it's actual? HeyHo? Colicchio tells Dale to keep that dish with him for the rest of his life.
We move on to Casey, who already looks a bit melancholy. Padma asks how Casey feels her whole menu went. Casey admits that she was rattled and unprepared. Padma leads her: "But surely you would have come here with some idea of two or three things in your repertoire that you knew you could pull off with very basic ingredients." Casey babbles about altitude changes and seeing ingredients and running and then says, "I wanted a nice block of Gala apples, sake poached. We had one bottle, you took half [she turns and points at Hung], didn't quite have enough. Leeks were not there today." Colicchio begs to differ. There were leeks. "Baby leeks?" Casey asks, pointedly. Colicchio holds up his fingers to indicate the small diameter of the leeks: "I actually remember seeing -- because leeks are one my favorite things -- I remember looking and I go, 'Wow, the leeks look great.' I saw them there." CRINGE! And even worse, they awkwardly decide to leave in a great hanging "Um..." for Casey, making her look as though she was reaching and stumbling for words. It was sort of unnecessary, given the fact that I'm so uncomfortable on Casey's behalf, I'm already hiding under my couch and peeking out between my fingers. Padma asks about Casey's first dish, and she admits that it really gave her trouble. Colicchio asks about the way she put salmon roe and foie gras together. Casey says that it was to give color to the dish. "SALMON ROE? Is a REALLY STRONG FLAVOR -- that CHANGES? The WHOLE DISH," Gail says, suddenly morphing her Microsoft Word personality from Italics Gail to SHOUTING Gail. "That was the thing that ruined it all -- all right," Casey says dryly. Colicchio corrects her that it didn't ruin it "all," butthat it was the only thing that was out of balance. Moving on to her second dish and already really defensive, Casey complains about the size of the dishes verses the size of her prawns. Padma says, "Again, you chose to put some caviar..." Casey says that she was given a sous chef today: "Um, I sort of lost control on the plating of that dish." Oh, Casey. "But this is your finale performance," Padma says pointedly. "Of course it is," Casey says, smiling tightly. "We were also added another course." "Well, everybody had the same conditions," Colicchio comments gently. The fact that he's so gentle almost makes it so much worse for Casey. "You're right," Casey says calmly and with certain defeat. God, are we done with her yet? Leave her in peace! Casey says that she was very happy with this dish. Colicchio wonders how long she left the pork belly in. Casey just says that it was kept in a low oven and doesn't give a time. "Did you eat it afterwards?" Colicchio wonders even more gently. "I didn't eat a piece of it -- I'm sorry," Casey states. Colicchio basically recoils. And that's exactly where Casey conceded her defeat. To say "I didn't taste it" is far less of an admission than "I didn't eat a piece of it." Padma tells Casey that, were the pork belly done right, it would have been the best dish of the night. Really? That's such a heartbreaking hypothetical at this point that it's almost cruel to say it, especially when we didn't hear that opinion from any of the other judges. "It just got really dried out," Colicchio almost whispers. How is Casey not crying right now? Almost as though Colicchio reads my mind, he quickly says, "Uh, beef dish! Loved it! Thought the dish was really, really well done." But even THIS isn't a happy for Casey, because she admits, "I said, 'Howie, can you just work on this while I sort of work on everything else?'" "Okay," Colicchio says quietly. GAH! This is awful! This is a massacre!
Finally, blessedly, we get to Hung. Hung announces how much fun he had and how he loved every dish he made. Colicchio confirms that he didn't plan anything he did. Starting with his first course, Colicchio says that the judges' only criticism is that it needed "a touch" more acid. That's so much more understated than Michelle's screaming comment. Quickly moving to the course, Gail says that she wanted more acid there as well, and that the rice was "totally" bland, and that she didn't get "enough of the ocean from it." ZIPPING into the course -- the duck -- Hung says that he loved it. Colicchio repeats The Todd's three-star Michelin comment. Hung nearly faints with pride. "That dish was incredible," says Dale happily. How lousy does Casey feel right now? That's another dish Colicchio suggests the cheftestant carry around with him for a long time. "Don't even think about improving on it," Colicchio adds. At long last, we get to dessert. They wonder why Hung did something so unenterprising. "A MOLTEN CHOCOLATE CAKE?" bellows Shouting Gail. "Is THAT going to blow everyone AWAY?" Hung says that he decided to do something classic to play it safe. Colicchio thinks that classic is good, but that since Hung's food is modern, he needs to balance the classic with a modern twist. The cheftestants are thanked and dismissed.
God. Casey should start drinking now. Lots. Start with my cocktail. It has three different kinds of alcohol for a complete and healthy hangover.
The judges deliberate and rehash. It's clearly between Dale and Hung, and all that's left is to decide between the two. Casey didn't have a single dish that outshone the other two. At one point in the questioning, it seemed that she might have come close with her Howie beef, but now they don't even discuss it and they edge Dale's lamb over it. The judges debate the merits and problems with Dale's two and Hung's two.
In the back, Casey has gallows humor, "Maybe I should have just served peach with cardamom crème fraîche." Dale thinks that their final dishes were the best final dishes of all the Top Chef seasons.
More judicial debating.
Finally, the cheftestants are brought back out but it's SO STUPID! I expected Padma to be all, "And our decision is...to see you all in Chicago!" But no. Padma just says, "Well, congratulations on three fantastic meals. This is a really tough call, but we've made our decision. One of you...is Top Chef." The music gets all Crocodile Dundee when Linda Kozlowski is hiding in the bushes, taking pictures of the men-only Aboriginal version of So You Think You Can Dance and we zip over to Chicago. Live. Everyone is wearing exactly what they wore in Aspen, because Bravo wants us to believe that it has the only transporter outside of Star Trek. And, as of the finale, Eureka. Seriously -- what are they trying to do when they pretend it's exactly the same night with exactly the same clothes? They even talk about the food as though they just had it A FEW HOURS AGO! Like Padma is still flossing tough slivers of extra-dry pork belly out of her gums? Why Bravo, WHY? We're all grown-ups here and I think -- I THINK! -- we can handle the fact that the LIVE broadcast was filmed several months/weeks/days/whatever AFTER the Aspen finale. I don't know why I'm so exercised over this, but it's like, I DON'T BELIEVE IN THE TOOTH FAIRY ANYMORE SO WHY WOULD I FALL FOR THIS?! Padma calls the cheftestants out of their holding pen and makes them stand there while we go to commercial. Again.
Back from commercial, the judges go down the line and hand out their personal compliments. At least, Ted and Gail hand out compliments -- and Gail flubs hers on live TV, which shouldn't make me giggle but it does and I'm going to hell -- but Colicchio just says, "Well, you've all seen the show -- what do you think?" Dale says that he cooked his heart out and he's happy with his performance: "No matter what happens, every single one of these people won." The crowd applauds. Aw -- Dale's a Big Gay Sweetie! Moving on to Casey, who says, "Uh, I saw the show, yes I did. Um...you know, I guess what makes a top chef is that they can cook every meal precisely and beautifully and this just wasn't my challenge and I accept that and I did remind them over the break that I was kicking their ass for awhile! So!" The crowd applauds. Hung says, "I saw the show; I've never been so nervous before! We were screaming, we were holding onto each other, but we're all great chefs here, we're all in better positions than we were six months ago, and I'm proud of being here." "And we're proud of you," Casey tells Hung. He bows in thanks. It's almost as if SHE KNOWS!
Colicchio decides to dispense with Casey and put out of her misery. He tells her she's been a fierce competitor, but that "tonight's" menu never came together for her. See? "Tonight's" menu?! THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES OH MY GOD WHERE ARE HIS FREAKING CLOTHES?! "But we know you are a great chef," adds Colicchio. "And when I'm in Dallas, I know where I can get a fabulous meal." Casey thanks him and swallows hard.
Colicchio turns to Dale and tells him that they are so delighted he found his inner chef. We get a close-up of Dale, and it must be the video quality versus the usual film that makes me feel as though I'm suddenly watching Dales Of Our Lives. Colicchio tells Dale, "The culinary world is definitely stronger for having you cooking in it." There's a random singular whoop from the audience. Colicchio says that Dale put together a fabulous menu with strong flavors and that he is cooking with a ton of confidence.
Finally, Hung. Colicchio says that Hung has proved throughout the competition that he has the technical skill, and this time, he finally "married it with passion." Colicchio says, "You put together a fabulous meal, and we're really happy to see you in your food." And then Colicchio goes all Highlander: "But as you know, there can only be one Top Chef." (Except that Highlander is grammatically correct and Tom...isn't.) Hung sighs hard and loud.
Colicchio turns to Padma. She tries really hard not to laugh. Hung looks dangerously pale, actually. Padma turns her eyes to her right, making it abundantly clear that she's about to say, "Congratulations, Hung! You ARE TOP CHEF!" Hung jumps and screams and punches the air and hugs Casey (good thing he did it in that order) and bounces. Hung's family bench stands and applauds. Marcel can barely contain himself in this proxy victory for his kind. Gail hugs and kisses Hung, after which the other judges walk over to give congrats and "I'm sorry"s. Kinda thought Ted was going to make a beeline for Dale, but he hugs Hung first. With her "I'm going to Disneyland!" mic, Padma asks Hung how he feels. He's speechless. But he can tell us he's speechless, which sort of negates the speechlessness. He's so happy, he's worked so hard to get there to prove himself, and he's had so much help from America, he's sure they'll hear more from him later. There's a bang and confetti falls, Hell's Kitchen-style. Hung's family is finally allowed to approach him, and Marcel hugs and lifts Hung off the ground. Hung hurls himself into his brother's arms, and his mother's, and those of two random women who sort of look alike and I wonder if those are sisters-in-law, and then at another brother, who is crying.
You know, I'm happy for Hung. It would have been nice for a chick to win, but Casey clearly fell apart during the final challenge and couldn't pull off the win. I think there could have almost been a draw between Hung and Dale because they're both fan-freaking-tastic, but I have no problem with Hung as Top Chef. He's awesome. He may be egomaniacal, dismissive, and somewhat self-centered, but he's not mean, he's not a bully, and he's not Ilan. In fact, there were even times earlier in the season where he was quite nice and helpful. Remember when he stopped Sara N. from over-buying her beef? And when he was really sad when Sandee got sent home? After reading at Amuse-Biatch about the horrific ordeal Hung's mother and brother have gone through with their restaurant, this is a nice thing for Hung's family. It could even save them.
With a big ol' chunk of confetti dandruff in her hair, Padma reminds us to tune in for the reunion show week. Because this is the season THAT WOULDN'T DIE!