One chef, whose name was covered by that giant poll, admits that he’s a white guy who cooks Asian food. He loves Asian culture and only dates Asians. This is somehow more acceptable to me because he’s gay, but only because the world doesn’t need another white guy who’s only into Asian chicks, pretending to have any motive but that for moving on an episode of House Hunters: International.
The chefs arrive with their meats and fixings and eagerly don their fresh white chef coats. Stephanie Cmar reminds us that she was on Top Chef: Seattle and was eliminated in the first episode. Maybe New Orleans will treat her better. Anyway, commence fast footage of chefs running through the pantries and chopping and frantically injuring themselves. They’re cooking for 100 people so I assume if you’re not getting bandaged up by the end of this you’re doing it wrong.
The people with frog are complaining but while I have sympathy for the difficulty of any food, at least they have a protein they have likely encountered before. We learn that Aaron Cuscheri, of Chicago and a voice like André the Giant, played in a punk rock band. Aaron doesn’t know how he’s going to execute the pasta in his dish and this stresses him out nearly to the point of tears. Carlos Gaytan, another Chicago chef, crossed the border illegally to work toward the American dream of getting torn to shreds and stressed out on a reality show.
Over on Team Turtle that is not a team, we learn that Nina Compton is from the Island of St. Lucia, where her dad was the Prime Minister. So, live up to that. She hopes to be the Prime Minister of St. Lucia in the culinary world, however one might measure that. Meanwhile, Aaron is distracted and frustrated by Olivia Newton Janine running around in sandals and jorts. All the straight male chefs have a comment to make about this because they haven’t gotten out much since men entered the kitchen in the Stone Age. Hubba hubba, AC Slater would like to add.
Tom makes the rounds through the kitchen and sees that Hot Douche Jason has already cut himself. The social media meter says it looks like Tom is NOT IMPRESSED with Jason and "Kinda" impressed by the time he gets to Sara. Thanks for the breaking news, Toyota.
Still kinda impressed, Tom surveys the other chefs. He asks Carrie Mashaney of Seattle what she’s doing and she admits she has never cooked frog legs before. I wonder how impressed The Dinner Lab will be, since they’re so exclusive. Patty Vega of New York has never worked with alligator and isn’t making enough food to serve all 100 exclusive club members.
Ramon Bojorquez is making turtle soup, which is at least something I have heard of. He used to be a Muay Thai fighter and never lost a fight. I’m sure that translates to cooking almost not at all.
The first two hours of prep are over and before heading to the Swamp, the chefs pore over a gift basket from the New Orleans Tourism board. Then, Emeril shows up with beignets. We get it, we’re in New Orleans. Stop shoving it down our throats like spicy gumbo. I’ll eat my hat if gumbo isn’t a challenge within the three episodes.
The chefs arrive at the Swamp, which is basically a literal swamp. There isn’t really a kitchen, and there are barely tables set up. In fact, everything is in stacks and piles, including the burners and table components. Some guy is bossing everyone around and if this were Survivor that would matter. With the tables set up to the best of the chefs’ collective ability, they begin getting ready for service.
We’re worried about/12% impressed with Patty Vega, who is having to start from scratch because she didn’t make enough sausage rolls. When in doubt, go gumbo. Nina is also worried that her curry is too spicy so she starts into a chutney.
The judges are rolling in on, what else, a pontoon boat or river boat or whatever they were on in the movie Anaconda. In addition to Patty, we are concerned about cocky douchebag Jason, who finishes early and says, "I thought this was supposed to be hard." He might be in the bottom this time, but he won’t be eliminated because we hate him so much already.
Bene made a turtle croquette; Nina presents her curried turtle and it goes over well. Janine presents a bacon-wrapped alligator because when in doubt, wrap it in bacon. Between dishes, Curtis Stone gropes members of the Dinner Lab. You have to pay to be in a club so exclusive that chef Curtis Stone will flirt with you and cup your breast ever so slightly.
Aaron presents a turtle duo, Shirley does a turtle soup and I think I’m coming to the conclusion that no matter what you do, turtle will never look appetizing. Carrie poached and chilled and marinated frog, which she has never worked with before. Carlos manages to make the alligator look good on a plate, and the diners start giving their beads to Nina. Michael fried his alligator and it looks pretty appealing. Sara is serving up an "unapologetically spicy" sweet and sour alligator that, based on Padma’s polite reaction, will probably put her in the bottom.