You may have already heard, but Titans has been canceled. Why am I even bothering to write this recap, you may ask? It's all about respect and completing the job I was assigned to do. That and the Benjamins, of course.
We start off with a course refresher on the show to bring the three new viewers this week up to speed.
We're at the same hospital where Richard was taken after his heart attack. Once again, Chandler storms in, this time looking for Heather. The orderly is being a dick about the whole situation and informs him that nobody goes through "those" doors "unless they have a medical condition or they're dead." What if one's facial expressions or acting ability was considered dead, or at least palliative? Chandler points to his dad's name on the plaque for the Williams Cardiac Wing. Oh. Well, in that case, go through those doors and hang a left. Chandler finds Heather fixated on the monitor to her left -- a monitor that used to show two heartbeats but now only shows one. Chandler demands to know what happened. As Heather explains that the miscarriage is probably best for the whole family, Casper Van Dien works on the slow burn he's been practicing all week in class. Think of all the parts you were rejected for. Show us the anger. No, Casper, that's confusion...um, now you're doing pouty...back to confusion again. Anger, Casper, anger! Oops -- too much. Chandler starts to rough Heather up in the hospital bed. He releases her and stares at her. "Stop looking at me," she demands, and then breaks down in sobs.
One thing I won't miss about this show is the lame theme song. It's hella weak. They should have stuck with the Sneaker Pimps.
David's apartment. Jenny sneaks around the room, trying not to wake the crocodile hunter. She grabs her purse and steps into the bathroom. She opens up a vial and pulls out some white powder. Just in case Joe Lieberman is watching, the actual snorting of said coke is done off-screen. Let's see, we've had Jenny do booze, pills, and coke. I hope the prop department can get their hands on a syringe or two and some surgical tubing for week. Laurie arrives, and Jenny emerges, flying high and cracking wise. Laurie's surprised that she can be so chipper after falling off the wagon last night. Or as she puts it, "plummeting from space." Is she going to rehab or what? Forget it -- it's history -- Jenny's on top of it. Besides, she's got to change for Chandler's birthday breakfast. Laurie must have done a wake-up line herself as she's ready to believe that Jenny really is okay.
Back at the Williams mansion, Gwen is flipping out over Jack's sudden decision to red-light her hotel renovation project. He will not let "emotion dictate strategy!" The girls arrive, and Jack's curious as to why Jenny looks so flush. The better question is why isn't she at Fall Crest taking part in the two-week rehab program at which he dropped her off, only yesterday. He will not let logic dictate storylines. Peter arrives to tattle on Heather for not making it home last night. He knows this because her "sheety-weeties" weren't "tussled." It's presumed that she slept with Dr. Bradley Riggs, someone Peter describes as "man-tan handsome in a Ralph Lauren kind of way." I've said it before and it looks like I'll only have four more weeks to say it: either Peter's written as a gay man, written by a gay man, or written as a gay man. The idle gossip dissolves as Chandler arrives for his special breakfast. The maid brings in a cake with candles. Man, these rich folks just lead different lives, don't they? I mean, cake for breakfast -- it's just so rich. Unless of course it's a coffee cake. That would be okay...but I digress. This party is just a teaser for tomorrow night's shindig at the Pulse Club. A rousing version "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow" peters out as Heather walks in. She's wearing traditional mourning clothes -- a blue plaid vest. She announces that she's lost the baby and the Williams girls immediately rush to comfort her.
Later that day, Peter interrupts Samantha's conversation with her secretary to ream her out. A little foreshadowing there, but must they be so vulgar about it? He's really upset because she stole the Crocker negotiations right from under his nose. "Mergers and acquisitions have always been my domain," he spits. I betcha that the actors who appear opposite this guy get to protect themselves with some kind of wearable sneeze guard. You'd have to. Samantha reveals that Jack asked her to check up on Peter. He nearly ruined the negotiations, but she saved them over one latte, two eggs, and three hours of creative begging. Things really begin to get absurd as he implies that Samantha may have offered sex to the Crockers. Someone slipped the French language CD in again as he addresses her as Mademoiselle Sanchez. Just for fun lets play a drinking game tonight. One shot for every French reference. Peter changes the subject to the miscarriage. "Très tragique," he sarcastically exclaims. A shot. Samantha finds his lack of compassion heartless and slams the door shut.