Previously on Time of Your Life, Flynn tells Sarah how much her life sucks, J.B. justifies his gigolo lifestyle to Romy, and Mollie comes to stay and take over Romy's life. I really don't think it's a very good idea for the show to remind us week after week how awful each preceding episode has been. It's like when Friends reruns are on and you are reminded of how terrible the show has become in recent days. Except in the case of TOYL, there never were any good ol' days.
Mollie is sitting at a diner counter with Maguire Scraggle Rock, as he scribbles something down for her. She squeals over how awful his drawing is: "I'm supposed to rent a place based on this?" There's a loud slurping nose, but contrary to popular belief, it's not the show being sucked further down the rusted pipe of obscurity -- it's only Romy the Duck Billed Platypus scarfing up a milk shake. Scraggle and Mollie both give Platypus the hairy eyeball as she says, "I'm sorry, but you're taking care of all of this for her?" Scraggle says it's difficult to find a sublet on your own. Yeah, especially when you don't show up on your dead mother's doorstep getting sentimental about where you were conceived. Mollie turns her back on Platypus and asks Scraggle if $800 a month is too much to spend on an apartment. Twelve episodes into the show and the writers finally start to get realistic about rent in New York. Too little, too late. Platypus starts to offer her services to Mollie, but Mollie interrupts her and asks Scraggle to take her to see it first thing in the morning. Scraggle willingly agrees, and Mollie takes his hand, telling him she feels so much safer knowing someone in the apartment building. Flirtatiously, Mollie asks if Scraggle changes light bulbs and kills spiders. What a wimp. Platypus reaches across their mini-embrace and grabs a handful of Mollie's fries. Just at this moment, Sarah runs in out of breath and babbles, "Okay, I know this may be the most pathetic thing ever [is she talking about her being the Executive Producer of this show?], but I just picked up the new copy of The Village Voice: 'Open call for two female singers for radio spot promoting long-standing New York service establishment.' I thought we could do it together!" Sarah looks to Platypus. "Jingle singers?" Platypus looks skeptical as she scrutinizes the listing. Her shoulders drop in disappointment, "I can't. It's non-union. See, I'm SAG, I'm not allowed." How is she SAG? Don't you actually have to be a, um, I don't know, screen actor to be in the Screen Actors Guild? Don't tell me her non-speaking role on a soap and her two commercials qualify her, because if so, that's just pathetic. And while we're on the subject of faking it, what's up with Platypus' throw-back-to-the-fifties knotted scarf around her neck while "Sh-boom, Sh-boom" plays in the background? Sarah shrugs and says, "Oh, well." But then, Mollie Pitcher Out the Window volunteers her services, saying she's trying to be a singer anyway and isn't dragged down by any old union ties. Platypus looks like she sucked all the juice out of a lemon. "'Long-standing New York service establishment' -- what does that mean? That sounds vaguely illegal, like a whore-house or something." Sarah says she doubts whorehouses advertise on the radio. Platypus starts to say that it won't look good on a resumé, but Mollie interrupts by asking Sarah if she's more of an alto or a soprano. I think Sarah's more like a sopranot. Mollie and Sarah move away from the counter to discuss their little venture, and Scraggle sappily says something about it being nice when things just work out. Platypus glares at him and stuffs another handful of Mollie's fries in her mouth. Scraggle frowns and says accusingly, "I thought you were watching your weight." Who is he anyway, Mother Maguire? If any friend of mine, male or female said that to me they'd be looking at the messier end of a hissyfit and suddenly find themselves slapped into the middle of week. Platypus fixes him with a look and just shakes her head. In the middle of all of this, the captioning says, "Mollie: La La La La La La La," and is surrounded by musical notes -- glad that sound didn't actually make it through the jukebox music.
The Time Everything ChangedScraggle and Mollie walk into his apartment as Mollie reads a rental application: "Credit history, yikes!" Scraggle tells her to make something up because he's sure the landlord won't check. While Scraggle looks for a pen, Mollie asks if he's sure the apartment isn't being shown to anyone else. Scraggle waves his hand and implies that what really matters is to look like she's prepared to take care of "the parakeet." Okay, now we get it, she's trying to get a house-sitting apartment. Nice of them to explain that to us. Mollie giggles and says, "Just as long as it doesn't say things like 'bite me' when I bring a gentleman caller around." "Gentleman caller"? Again I ask, what's with the fifties motif? Jeez, she's from Oregon, not Georgia. Scraggle looks at her intently and asks if she's planning on having lots of visitors. "Because I should point out that my apartment is directly underneath yours, I can hear everything." Mollie giggles again, "Probably just my tap partner, but you'd be okay with that, wouldn't you Maguire?" Scraggle flirts back and strikes another blow for tolerance, saying, "That depends, what percentage of tap dancers are straight, would you say?" Mollie laughs because all tap dancers, male or female, are gay of course. Including Gregory Hines. Mollie asks what sounds she's likely to hear emanating from Scraggle's apartment. Scraggle gets all serious-like and says, "Oh not much, just some music." Yeah, and when exactly was the last time Scraggle picked up his guitar? Mollie teases some more, "No girlish laughter? No squeaky bedsprings?" Scraggle says, "Didn't Romy tell you? I'm studying for the priesthood." Mollie tells him she could fix that. "I'll bet you could," Scraggle says intently. Yuck. Have I mentioned that Mollie looks like Sandy Duncan's twin?
In their apartment, Platypus is giving Sarah fair warning. "What?" Sarah asks, blatantly thrusting out her dinners as she admires herself in the mirror. "You're afraid I'll get hurt if they reject me? Come on, it's just a lark ["Just a lark?" Does she think she's British now?] Either I get it or I don't!" Sarah says carelessly. Platypus tells her she's talking about Mollie: "She's quietly aggressive." Sarah's not impressed as she tells Platypus to name one person in the city who isn't aggressive. Platypus argues that she grew up with Mollie and that, although she seems very nice, she's the type of girl who acts like your best friend until she drops you like a hot coal for a guy. Sarah says she's not looking for a best friend, and Platypus argues that Mollie "insinuates" herself. Platypus tells Sarah to unbutton another button: "Sex sells, even in radio." I'd really like Platypus to explain that one.
The Time Everything Changed
A fat man drinks coffee as Mollie and Sarah sing a fifties-style carpet cleaning jingle. Yeah, singing about dead fleas, cat vomit, and cigar ash all smooshed into a carpet is about Jennifer Love Hewitt's level. After telling Murray, of Murray's Carpet Cleaning Service, that they aren't union, they get the job. On the walk home, Mollie and Sarah squeal about easy money and make plans to go out and celebrate after Mollie's acting class. As Sarah waits for Scraggle to show up at the bar, she giggles over the lyrics she has to sing: "When Snowball pees..." Joss breezes by and asks why Sarah's still there. Sarah tells her that she's waiting for Scraggle, who's a half an hour late. Platypus shows up and excitedly asks Sarah about her audition. Sarah tells her she got the job as the new pitchwoman for Murray's Carpet Cleaning Service. All together now: Squeal! Joss comments, "Another New York success story," and Platypus tells Sarah she's taking her out that night to celebrate. Just then, Sarah gets a call from Mollie saying she just got out of class. Sarah tells her that Scraggle isn't even there yet. Platypus divines from Sarah's end of the conversation that she and Scraggle are going out with Mollie. Platypus's face falls and she asks if Mollie also got the job. Sarah confirms it as Scraggle walks in apologizing for his tardiness. Platypus asks if the three of them are going out. Sarah confirms and tells Platypus, belatedly, that she should come along on their celebratory night out. Platypus declines and stalks out, impervious to Sarah's calls. Scraggle, the dumbass, asks what's going on. Sarah just shakes her head and rolls her eyes.
Mollie skips her way back to the bar. Some guy asks her for the time and wrenches off her watch. As Mollie resists, he drags her into an alley and puts a knife to her throat, telling her to shut up. He grabs her wallet and makes her take off her ring which is stuck on her finger. The mugger-turned-attacker accuses her of holding out on him and opens her shirt to find a necklace. He comments on what a pretty girl she is and Mollie begins to sob. There's a struggle and Mollie gets stabbed. The attacker seems surprised that he stabbed her and leaves her in the alley. Mollie sticks her hand under her coat, sees blood and calls out, "Somebody!"
Scraggle and Sarah sit with Platypus in their apartment wondering where Mollie is. Platypus acts quietly vindicated as Sarah says, "Man, if she did what you said, met some guy and blew us off? I'll kill her." Oh, the writers are so clever with their attempts at irony.
In an ambulance, a medic tells Mollie that the hospital is only a few blocks away and she'll be stitched up in no time. Mollie gasps something about, "They were waiting for me." A police officer asks who she's talking about, "The guy? The guy was waiting for you?" Mollie gasps, "My friends, I was supposed to meet them. They won't know where I am." The officer asks who they should contact. "Sarah, tell Sarah," Mollie whispers. The ambulance doors close.
Sarah opens her apartment door, chain on. "Sarah Merrin?" a voice asks. "Yes?" Sarah asks. The guy holds up a badge, "Detective Douglas, N.Y.P.D. Do you know a Mollie--" "Hatcher?" Sarah supplies for him, "Yes, why?" Det. Douglas starts to say something and Sarah says, "Oh, my God," and closes the door so she can undo all the locks. Scraggle and Platypus ask what's going on and Sarah tells them, "It's Mollie," as she wrenches the door open to let Det. Douglas in. "She was stabbed, she's being taken to St. Paul's. I can give you a lift down there if you'd like," Douglas offers. Platypus grabs her coat: "I'm going." Douglas looks confused. "I'm sorry, you are --?" he asks. "Her friend. I'm her friend, too!" Platypus says. I'm sorry, I know they are trying to make the point that Platypus is disconnected from her childhood friend, but that's going a bit too far. Douglas isn't much of a detective if he couldn't figure out that everyone in that apartment is connected to Mollie somehow -- it's not even like he asks who Scraggle is, either. I guess he just couldn't see past Sarah's dinners. On the way out, Sarah asks if Mollie is alive and Douglas tells her that she was conscious when she was found and he believes she was conscious in the ambulance. Platypus asks if Douglas talked to her and he says, "No ma'am, I didn't talk to her." Scraggle insists that somebody must have talked to her. Douglas says he believes she hasn't been questioned yet. Scraggle says, "You're kidding!" and Douglas tells him, "In general, when the decision's made not to question, that means the person is expected to survive, so I would take that as a good sign." They all arrive at the hospital, and the detective goes to find the doctor to inquire about Mollie's condition. Douglas joins another detective as the doctor comes up to them. Platypus asks pointlessly, "What time is it?" "After midnight," Scraggle tells her. The other detective looks down as the doctor walks away. Douglas stays where he is as the other detective approaches the friends and tells them that Mollie died on the operating table ten minutes ago. Platypus tells him that he can't be right since they were just told-- "We're really very sorry," the detective tells them, "My name's Detective Elgin. I'm going to be in charge of what is now a homicide investigation. We are going to need to take some statements from each of you. But we can give you some time if you need it." Sarah and Platypus's faces crumple. Elgin goes on, "Oh, I'm also going to need someone to identify the body." They all look at Platypus, who backs away saying, "No, I can't do it. I can't do it. No, you guys, don't make me!" in a tone that conveys more the idea that she doesn't want to see the ickiness of a dead body rather than the horror of her friend's death. Scraggle, the man, volunteers to do it. Elgin says that they'll have to call the family if one of them has a phone number. Again, they turn to Platypus, who turns and says she knows her father's number and she will call him. Elgin tells her she doesn't have to, but Platypus interrupts saying, "No, we grew up together. It should be someone he knows." In the morgue, the attendant reads his chart, "Hatcher," and asks, "Relative?" "Friend," Scraggle tells him. "Girlfriend?" the morgue guy asks. "You need to know that?" Scraggle asks. The morgue guy explains he's seen the identifying be really rough on boyfriends. He opens a door and pulls out a bagged body and says, "I just need a yes or a no. I wouldn't look too hard, you know what I'm saying, man? She hasn't been, like, prepared. You ready?" If she just died, couldn't Scraggle have identified her in the operating room rather than taking a trip to the morgue? Well, what do I know about hospital procedure anyway? I just thought if the hospital could make it easier on friends and family, they would. Scraggle stares down at the unzipped body and nods. Back in the waiting room, Platypus makes the painful call to Mollie's father. Douglas joins Sarah in the waiting room, "Hey, are you okay?" Again, I have to wonder what sort of a detective he is if he has to ask a question like that. Put two and two together, buddy. Her friend got stabbed, you told her the friend's chances for survival were good, you were wrong, her friend is dead. You do the math. Douglas sits down and looks, I swear to God, at Sarah's dinners. Perve. Sarah shakes her head in answer to his question and says something about how everyone always says, "I just saw her," or, "I just talked to her." "Like that means something bad can't happen the second that you hang up the phone or walk away. She was here and now she's not," Sarah finishes. Douglas looks up at Platypus who has joined them. "Her dad said he'd be here in the morning," Platypus says. Sarah looks away and Douglas looks disappointed at the interruption of his little tête-à-tête with Sarah.