Omar G gave this episode a grade of
B-
3 users have given this episode an average grade of
A-
Previously: I cried like a waifish figure skater whose long-time husband and skating partner died of cancer because last week's Faith Yokas episode was that good. Jimmy told Kim he's getting married. Ty tried to set Sully up with a single woman because Sully is a lonely, lonely man. Bobby and Alex kissed because she said he mothers people, and that must turn her on.
Beautiful strings of lights lead us in to a swingin' party. It's Jimmy's pre-nuptials. Alex, in a slinky black top and tousled Meg Ryan hair, passes by Jimmy and she says this must beat the best hotel room in Atlantic City. Jimmy, in full view of Brooke, says that Brooke laid down the law: No bachelor party. We will soon see the folly of saying no to a bachelor party for Jimmy The Lothario. "I'm not stupid," Brooke says. Riiiigggghhht, Brooke. Just blind. Another firefighter, Lombardo, comes up with his blonde bombshell girlfriend and introduces her around. She gives Jimmy a big hug and says she can't believe he's getting married. No, she really can't believe he's getting married. Like, can't believe it to the point that she may soon be tempted to have sex with him in the bathroom. Not that I want to spoil anything. I mean, the show just started. Anything could happen. Jimmy gives the girlfriend a squinty smile. Brooke asks Jimmy if he wants to dance and he says no, he's still getting a little loose. By "loose," he means his belt. Alex tells Jimmy that Brooke is great. "She's all right," he says. He sounds like he even means it.
Outside, Sully and Doc are checking out an overturned carriage, where a horse was spooked by kids throwing rocks. People were crushed underneath the carriage. Sully makes a pessimistic comment about humanity and the holidays.
At the party, Alex and Bobby slip away to an upper level to be alone. Alex is playful and flirtatious, not at all like the no-fun lady we were first introduced to. She talks about King Kong and the flirtatious banter is not exactly stellar or witty here. Especially coming from Bobby, who is most banteriffic when he's not talking.
Back at the horse accident. Yokas complains that it's not right for a horse to be laid out bleeding. The owner says the horse is twenty-four years old and was close to retirement. Oh, what is this, a buddy cop movie with someone three days from retirement. Please go to Amazon.com and One-Click-Order me a break. Yokas says the horse is in a lot of pain and if there's anything they can do. "You want me to shoot him?" Bosco asks from behind everyone. Everyone turns around and yells, "No!" Wonk, wonk, wonk...
Wedding party: Alex is hurriedly walking down the hall. She goes into the Ladies' and finds...somebody humping a blonde (Lombardo's girlfriend) on the bathroom counter. Like in a Cinemax movie. Alex giggles and turns back and says, "Sorry!" She thinks it's hilarious. She waits outside and looks tipsy and amused. Lombardo's girlfriend comes out with her little purse and little slinky Phoebe-from-Friends purple dress She saunters off as Alex mutters, "Sorry." Alex saucily knocks on the door and says, "Come on, Lombardo, I have to go!" No answer. She knocks again. Jimmy opens the door. He looks like a kid who has been caught with his hand stealing the heroin that lies under the cookies. Alex looks as if she's been punched in her rock-hard abs. She is stunned. Jimmy walks past her. We go to opening credits.
My feminine side calls me on the phone.
Omar's Feminine Side: What the hell?
Omar: Ummm...
Omar's Feminine Side: It's not enough that you men have to be slobbish, control the car radio and leave the child birthing to women. You have to cheat too!?!
Omar: Ummm...We don't all cheat. I mean, there's Doc and Sully and...
Omar's Feminine Side: They barely have women! Doc is lucky some doctor took pity on his real-estate-job-wanting-ass and Sully couldn't get a date at a Chubby Chasers Who Favor Policemen Convention!
Omar: Uhhhh...
Omar Feminine Side: So what do you have to say for yourself? What is wrong with you men!?!
Omar: Ummm...commercials are over.
Lombardo and his slut...er, "date" are grabbing champagne. Because she's not sauced up enough. Lombardo is making a toast. He asks the "two lovebirds" to come up front, which is interesting because it is Jimmy's woodpecker that threatens to doom the relationship. Lombardo's speech should be this: "I toast Jimmy, without whose wayward loins my girlfriend might not be completely sexually satisfied tonight. I thank you. And Brooke, neither of them has any major diseases. I know a clinic. You'll be fine." Instead, he blabs about how Brooke puts up with Jimmy (if only he knew) and how they should be happy. Meanwhile, Alex is shooting "Die in Hell, Ho!" death rays from her eyes at Lombardo's girlfriend, who looks as if she may not be able to process what the dirty look means. Everybody toasts and drinks. Alex just stares at Lombardo's girlfriend with her best nasty Deborah Harry look. Jimmy gives a speech starting with, "God knows I'm not perfect." Then we get a shot of Alex pursing her lips again. Jimmy says Brooke makes him laugh and that she's the best thing that ever happened to him. You know, when Brooke smiles really big, it's a little scary. Alex lifts her glass bitterly as Brooke and Jimmy kiss.
Run of the Mill
“ Sully, Ty, and Stan arrive at a house that looks as if a Hallmark store threw up on it. ”
Locker room. Yokas posits the notion that because it gets darker earlier in the winter, it feels like they're doing double shifts. Sully says that the Vernal Equinox isn't until March. He talks about seasonal depression. And how he gets grumpy in the winter. "More than usual?" Yokas asks.
After the party. Bobby and Alex are leaving. She's got her pouty attitude back. Bobby asks what's up, assuming that it's about him. They're in a lift that looks like the one people have sex on in movies like Fatal Attraction. She says she saw something she shouldn't have and now she's messed up about it. Bobby acts like a baby and says, "Fine, don't tell me." Alex tells him, but he can't tell anyone. Bobby says, "What? Are you sure?" Alex says Jimmy had a cute butt. She says she doesn't plan to say anything. Bobby giggles.
Cruiser. Ty complains because Sully didn't bring the newspaper like he usually does. Sully says the woman he usually buys it from wasn't there today. Sully says you have to have loyalty: You can't just buy a paper from somewhere else.
In a hardware store, Jack Klugman is raspily debating with the store manager, who says that the former Odd Couple guy tried to steal a hammer. Sully remembers that he knows the guy: it's Stan. But not the one from the Eminem song. The store manager bitches about whether they're going to arrest the guy. Sully says he's not arresting Stan. They leave.
In the ambulance, Bobby asks Kim what she thinks about the whole wedding thing. She figures out that something happened. "I can't," Bobby says. Kim figures out that it was Jimmy. Because he will always have a crush on Kim, he tells her. But not before she guesses that Jimmy hit on Alex. "No!" Bobby says. Ha ha. It would have been funny if that had actually happened.
Sully, Ty, and Stan arrive at a house that looks as if a Hallmark store threw up on it. All sorts of chimes and Christmas decorations adorn the front. Sully says that he used to bring Ty and his father there and Ty would stand around singing Christmas carols. Ty doesn't quite believe it. Stan blows a kiss to an older woman sitting inside the house and looking blankly through the window. A middle-aged man comes out of the house wearing a suit. He's Stan's son. He says he was looking for Stan. Stan bitches at the man, saying that he doesn't need to explain himself and he wants to be alone. "I can't do this anymore, Pop," the son says. Uh, oh, I smell a nursing home debate. Father and son fight in front of Sully. Son realizes that Dad left the car somewhere. "He's not supposed to be driving," the son says. Stan says he's staying at home with the son's mother. The son wants him to take a tour of a nursing home. Stan/Klugman isn't down with that. After Stan goes in, slamming the door behind him, Sully reminisces about how Stan used to keep a picture of his son when he was in the Marines and how much he used to brag about the son. You know, for a crusty grouch, Sully sure gets sentimental. The son talks about how his dad always told him to be independent and live by your own means. Which I guess means he doesn't want to live in a nursing home.
“ What follows is a too-long scene with Carlos thinking they're talking behind his back. It's not cute and it's not funny. In fact, Carlos should be the victim of a bad accident that will render him mute for the rest of the season. ”
Sully and Ty in the car. They're still talking about how it's getting so dark early. Sully bitches about how much he paid for a pack of gum because he went to a new newsstand. They talk about what might have happened to "Lucky," Sully's old newsstand lady. Sully and Ty get a call and they roll on.
Vandals are trashing poor Stan's Christmas extravaganza! They're kicking with the boots and the legs and the Jerry Lewis voice and the -- LADY! Sorry, that was uncalled for. Klugman runs out, raspily yelling at them. One of them socks him in the stomach with a big candy cane. Stupid poetic justice. As the cops arrive, the teens run off nonchalantly like they don't even care that a buff six-foot, seven-inch police officer is about to chase them. While Ty chases, Sully goes to check on Stan. Stan's pissed. He's yelling and wheezing. Doc is there and starts checking out Stan. Stan is upset about the holiday scene. "It was perfect!" he wheezes. Ty brings back one of the teens. "Little slow-ass," he says.
Inside the Stan pad, Stan is being examined by Doc and Alex, who is on a paramedic shift. A silent woman sits in the corner. Doc says Stan only got the wind knocked out of him. Doc wants to take him to the hospital. Stan refuses. He gets up, goes to the older woman, and talks to her about some presents he got. He tells Sully that he still does the thing where he takes gifts to unfortunate kids in the neighborhood. Then he asks if his wife isn't the most beautiful girl in the world. Awwww. He's the most lovable raspy older guy since...well, Jack Klugman. Sully nods, smiling.
Yokas and Bosco walk the street. Carlos pulls up. He tells Yokas and Bosco about the Jimmy thing. "He's a role model," Carlos says wistfully. Yokas says that Carlos might not be saying that if the roles were reversed. Bosco and Carlos look at her stupidly. "Yep, infidelity. It's an equal-opportunity employer, boys," she says. They finally get her and then they feel all bad. Faith continues to be my hero. She makes me laugh and cry and feel like a little girl who wants a pony. You rock, Faith Yokas. I tip my glass to thee. Now buy me a pony.
Alex and Doc are in the ambulance. She's going over her Christmas list and realizes she has to buy twenty-seven gifts. For who? All the people you don't talk to when you start a new job? Doc says he only has about six and he can do it all online. Alex says, "Really?" like she's never heard of the "In-Ter-Net." "You get nice stuff online?" she asks. Doc asks whether she's planning on going to the wedding. "Should be very nice if it actually happens," Doc chuckles. Alex gives him a suspicious look, but before she can ask what he meant, they get called to a scene.