By Nicole
So the show starts out with Doc and Carlos sitting outside the station, and three women walk by wearing miniskirts, and Carlos is all, "Oh, good morning legs!" and I'm all, "Oh, good morning annoying machismo!" And then Carlos makes some comment about how long legs are getting. No, Carlos, that is because you have been living in the gutter, and everything looks bigger when you're looking up. Then he talks about how you can put shoes on them and put stockings on them. Last time I checked, you put shoes on feet, not legs, but I digress. Doc comments that you can also "take the stockings off" and Carlos is all shocked that Doc made a sexual reference regarding women, and Doc tells him that he notices women but just doesn't shoot his mouth off. Tell him, Doc! Carlos asks Doc if he goes out. Doc tells him that if he found the right woman, he would. Carlos tells Doc that keeping his wedding ring on is keeping him from being a "babe magnet," and Doc tells him that he'll let Carlos be the babe magnet. Yeah, because Carlos has been attracting women like flies to shit lately, and Doc just can't compete. Oh, wait a minute, Carlos hasn't been able to get a woman to look at him without her giving him the stink-eye since the show started. Forget what I just said about him being a babe magnet -- he is more like a babe repellent.
A drunk guy is wobbling in the middle of a busy street. He is wearing the top of a tuxedo, boxers, shoes, and socks with those straps so they stay up. Do people still wear those sock straps, or is it something that old people just wear because back in their day that's what they did and they liked it that way? So the drunk old man is singing show tunes, and there are cars flying past him. Bobby and Kim come over and talk to some people trying to get the old man off the street, and they find out that the man's name is Mr. Lipman and that he is usually a nice old man, and he has no family. Bobby tries to go out into the street to get Mr. Lipman, and a car flies by him, and Bobby does his best Ratso Rizzo impersonation and yells out, "I'm walkin' here!" Meanwhile, cars are still driving fast, even by New York City traffic standards, and they are swerving around Mr. Lipman, and finally to prevent a huge pileup all the cars stop. Lipman climbs up onto the hood of an SUV and starts singing. Bobby and Kim try to get him down, and he says that he will get down if they sing with him. So Kim, Bobby, and everyone on the street start singing some song from Cabaret and Bobby climbs up onto the SUV and grabs Lipman and Bobby and Kim walk him to the sidewalk. Happy Thanksgiving!
Still loving the intro music.
Hey everybody! Gather around and do the Cool Whip! Whip it! Whip it cool!
Bosco is on the phone at the precinct, talking to Yokas. He is asking her where she left some report, and Ty and Sully are making fun of him and ask him if he can handle being alone. Last time he was alone he handled the captain's daughter, so let's see what he can handle this time. Yokas is in her kitchen cooking Thanksgiving dinner while she's on the phone with Bosco. She has hot curlers in her hair -- maybe we'll see her all dolled up today. She notices that her husband Fred is on his second scotch and her family hasn't even arrived yet. He tells her that it is the only way he can deal with her brother. I was on my second large glass of wine before my husband's family got to my house, but that was because I had been busting my ass for two weeks getting the house ready for his family while he went hunting with his pals on the weekends, and when he got home late Thursday morning from turkey hunting and I had already started the turkeys he said he was going to cook he had the nerve to tell me the kitchen was all cluttered and messy and implied that I had been slacking off. If there was a bottle of scotch in the house I would have smashed that over his head, but instead I told him to fuck off and then uncorked the Chardonnay and poured myself a generous serving into an oversized wineglass. In short, I feel for Fred. ["I feel for Nicole." -- Sars] So Yokas tells Bosco that with her husband and brother at the same table she'll see more action than he will. Not if Bosco hooks up with the captain's daughter again, she won't. Bosco mentions he went to his mother's house and had dinner with her. They wish each other a happy Thanksgiving.
Doc and Carlos are at a gym, and Doc doesn't think it is right that so many people are at a gym on Thanksgiving. Maybe they don't celebrate Thanksgiving until the evening. Or maybe they just don't care about Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving isn't the end-all be-all holiday; I mean, I can think of a few holidays in December that are a little more important. So they go over to a woman who dropped a weight on her foot. I believe her name is Grace. She ripped the nail off of one of her toes, and Doc is taking care of it. Grace is overtly flirting with Doc and tells him he has a magic touch. Carlos is all annoyed because Doc told him he could be the chick magnet, but this chick is attracted to Doc.
Bobby and Kim are by their ambulance and Bobby is reminiscing about a Thanksgiving with his brother. Kim asks him if Thanksgiving is big in his family and he tells her it is. Kim tells him it is big for her family too, and that she plans on having her babysitter bring Joey over for the dinner Doc is making for everyone. Um, Kim, if Thanksgiving is so important to your family, why isn't your mother taking care of Joey? Or is she too busy going out for drinks with strange men?
This is a random scene of a kid who gets lost at the Thanksgiving Parade, and she won't speak because she's scared, and Bosco is trying to get her to talk and is getting all impatient, and people from the parade think he is being mean. Then out of nowhere the girl gives her name and her address. Whatever.
Bobby and Kim are in the station, and Kim is bitching that people with kids should automatically have the day off. Bobby is thinking the same thing I'm thinking and says, "Why do people with kids think they are the only ones who count?" which actually shuts up Kim for a second. Maybe instead of getting all worked up about Thanksgiving, she should make sure that she has Christmas off, because Joey is definitely going to care a load more about Christmas than Thanksgiving. Jimmy comes in to pick some stuff up and then he and a friend are going to Atlantic City. Kim pitches a hissy about Jimmy spending time with his son. I guess he forgot all about the conversation he had with that kid in the tree four days earlier.
Sully is on a pay phone, and Ty is in the car honking the horn. Sully comes back to the car and asks if they got a call. Ty just didn't feel like sitting around while Sully talked to his sister in Florida. Apparently, the only family that matters to Ty is his own family. Watch out, Ty, because Sully might become a member of your family! So Sully starts to drive away, but he realizes he forgot to tell his sister something, so he starts to back up back into the parking spot, and he sees a guy named Cutler that was mentioned during Roll Call. Ty gets out of the car and runs after him, and Sully follows in the car. They follow him into an apartment building and run up a few flights of stairs. The guy runs into an apartment. The door opens slightly and someone from inside points a gun and shoots at them. After getting an old man out of the hallway and into his apartment, they bust into the shooter's apartment and find two men in there. They get the gun and cuff the men. Cutler tells them the other guy shot at them, and the other guy denies it.
Woo hoo. Gold-plated Pokémon cards at Burger King. I'll bet you in five years no one will even remember what Pokémon is.
Sully is putting Cutler in jail. Cutler, meanwhile, is denying shooting at the cops. Sully tells the captain that Cutler shot five rounds at them, and the captain tells him that both men are accusing each other of the shooting. Sully says he knows it was Cutler. Ty looks all sheepish for some reason.
Bobby and Kim are in the ambulance and are parked by a street. Bobby is singing one of the songs the old man was singing, and Kim is not amused. Bobby sees his mom and gets out of the bus to talk to her. Hey, Bobby's mom is Rosa, Mrs. Walsh's maid from ! Bobby asks Rosa to invite Matt (actually, they call him "Matty," but I am so tired of everyone having a "y" at the end of their names that I'm just going to call him "Matt") to her Thanksgiving dinner and give him another chance. Rosa tells Bobby that she is tired of giving Matt chances.
Doc and Carlos are at an old lady's apartment, and she only speaks Spanish, and Carlos has to interpret. I'm assuming that Carlos learned Spanish from the various foster homes he lived in, because I know someone who was born in the Philippines and she doesn't know Spanish. They speak Togala (or something spelled similarly ["Tagalog?" -- Sars]) or English, because even though it was run by Spaniards in the past, in the last one hundred and fifty years the Philippines was owned by the US and only got their sovereignty after World War II. So anyway, since I took a few years of Spanish in high school, I could figure out that the woman told Carlos that she has four daughters that live in New Jersey but they don't visit. Carlos tells her he is sorry, and Doc asks what she just said. He tells Doc she didn't say anything worth repeating.
Yokas's brother Stanley and his family arrive. Fred has been drinking. They make some small talk. Yokas's hair is all pulled back in a barrette. Why did she bother curling her hair if she just pulled it all back? I guess we don't get to see her all dolled up. Stanley gives her a bottle of red wine. More small talk, this time about "the old neighborhood." Fred complains about Stanley leaving the price tag on the wine like he did last time. Yokas tells him to quit it. Fred opens the wine and Stanley tells him to let it breathe. Fred pours himself a healthy glass immediately and chugs it. Put on your seat-belts everyone, it is going to be a bumpy night!
Doc is cooking, and decides to call the girl from the gym. When she answers, he hangs up. Smoove, baby. Smoove.
Sully and Ty are at the precinct, talking with a detective. The detective tells them that a Korean grocer was shot and killed two blocks from where they ran into Cutler, and the slug from the grocer's head matches the gun they got. They think Cutler was the one that killed the grocer, and if they can prove it's Cutler's gun, they can get him for murder. Ty walks out. The captain asks Sully if he's sure he saw Cutler shoot at them. Sully says he is, and the captain asks him if Ty is okay.
Bobby and Kim are at an apartment. There is a college-aged guy having a diabetic fit. He throws Bobby against a wall. Bobby asks the guy's parents if he has eaten lately. The parents tell him their son hasn't eaten lately because he is trying to drop a weight class. I'm guessing that the guy is on the wrestling team in college. Who says college girls are the only ones with eating problems? So Bobby finally gets the guy pinned down, which I'm sure is difficult seeing as how the guy is on the wrestling team, and Kim injects insulin into the guy. The guy finally calms down, and then passes out and is in arrest. They get out the paddles and shock him twice, and the guy comes back to life. Huzzah! Now he can celebrate Thanksgiving by not eating anything!
Phillip Morris is sponsoring some program to stop underage smoking. How much do you want to bet that PM is sponsoring more programs to get people to try smoking once they turn eighteen? What a bullshit commercial. Whatever!
Sully and Ty are out. Sully is getting off a pay phone again, and he tells Ty that he was talking to a DA who wants them to give statements. Ty says he isn't going to tell them anything because he didn't see anything, and he isn't going to lie. Sully asks Ty if he thinks that's what Sully is doing. Ty says he didn't see who was shooting and he isn't going to link someone to a murder if he doesn't know for sure that that person fired the shots. Sully tells him he thinks Cutler deserves to be put away anyway because he has such a long rap sheet. I guess Sully couldn't solve Cutler's problems, because as we've heard, he is out there to solve problems.
Bosco is going into a restaurant where a guy is yelling at his family sitting around a table. The family is eating and ignoring the guy. Bosco tells the guy that if he has a problem they can go outside and talk about it. The guy tells him that he has five problems and points out his family. His mother is all, "Everyone's a problem except you, Lenny, is that it?" like she is being put out by all of this. Lenny's father tells him that he told the restaurant to call the cops on him. Bosco asks that Lenny and his family leave, and the family thinks that if a stranger was bothering them that Bosco wouldn't ask them to leave. Man, what a harsh family. I wonder what Lenny did that was so horrible that they are just freezing him out. Bosco can't believe the family either, and tries to get Lenny to leave. Lenny pulls out a gun, and his brother says that Lenny's gun is the smallest he has ever seen, and the rest of the family laughs. What a psycho family! Lenny tells everyone in the restaurant to leave, except Bosco, his family, and a waiter, and then gets his mother to get Bosco's gun and give it to him.
Matt walks into the station and asks a guy where Bobby is. Hey, the guy is sitting with Mantooth! Hey, buddy -- we missed you! Unfortunately, we don't see any more of the great dog, and Matt goes to find Bobby, who is lifting weights. Bobby tells Matt that since "the guys" were watching football games he thought Matt would like to hang out there. Matt figures out that his mom doesn't want him around for Thanksgiving, and he leaves. Doc comes in to help Kim with some cooking. Carlos is sitting at the kitchen table studying something -- I hope it's a driving manual. Kim asks Carlos what he did for Thanksgiving as a child. Instead of giving Kim a straight answer, he tells her that he had six foster homes. He then asks Doc if he remembers what the old lady said about having four daughters in New Jersey and they don't want her around for the holidays. Doc is all, "Oh, is that what she said? 'Cause, you know, I didn't understand the language." Score one more for Doc.
Ty and Sully at the precinct. Sully gets called into the office to give his statement to the DA. Ty looks pensive.
Fred is playing with Stanley's son. Stanley tells him to not be so rough. Fred slurs out something about Stanley being rich, and the son looks at his mom and uses some really terrible child-acting technique to say, "Mom, I think he's drunk." Like any kid would actually say that. A real kid would say, "Hey, Uncle Fred, are you drunk or something?" instead of looking all worried and going to Mommy. The mother takes her son to another room, and Stanley says he thinks Fred is drunk too, and he gives Fred the stink-eye and goes into the kitchen. Fred goes to his bedroom. Yokas tells Stanley she can't believe them. Stanley doesn't think he did anything, and Yokas tells him that he provokes Fred with the expensive wine and talking down about the neighborhood that they grew up in. After some more pissy banter, Stanley basically admits that he thinks he is better than them. She tells him to leave and not come back. With family like the ones in this show, who needs enemies?
From inside the restaurant, police sirens are heard, and Bosco tells Lenny that the police are ready to come in and arrest him. Lenny's family is provoking him by making fun of his failed business attempts. Bosco tells them that when they get out of the restaurant, he is going to book them for inciting a riot. Too bad there wasn't a big trash can he could throw on them like he did to that guy last week. The waiter tries to grab Lenny's gun, and Lenny turns around and shoots the waiter in the leg. Bosco helps the waiter.
Oh, no! Woody is missing! And the best way to find Woody is to buy Tropicana Orange Juice! So go buy Tropicana! Now!
Bosco is trying to talk Lenny into letting everyone go by telling Lenny that he is on his side. Lenny wants his family to pay. I want his family to pay too. Bosco tells him they are paying, because they're scared now but they won't show it. Lenny lets his family go, and as they get up from the table he tells them to help the waiter or he'll shoot them. If I were him, I would make them take care of the waiter and then shoot them anyway. Lenny asks Bosco if he will go to jail. Bosco tells him that if he shows his family to a jury, they will cut him slack. He will probably get hospital time and counseling. Lenny wants to know if they won't let his family visit him when he is in the hospital. I would think that if a hospital wants someone to get well, they would not give what put the guy in the hospital access to him, but on the other hand, maybe that family needs time in a hospital too. Bosco assures him that he won't have to deal with his family, and Lenny gives him the guns.
Sully comes into the locker room and finds Ty in there. He asks Ty what he told the DA, and Ty tells him he told the DA he didn't see anything because he was trying to get an old man out of the way and wasn't looking at the door. Sully tells him people are going to think Sully lied and that Ty should have backed up his story. Ty says he won't perjure himself. Oh, but he can make his partner look like he was lying? I'll bet you if his mom said she saw Cutler with the gun, he would back her up, even if he clearly saw someone else holding it. But I guess since Sully doesn't do Ty's laundry or cut the crusts off of Ty's sandwiches, he can just go to hell.
Everyone is at the station having turkey. Jimmy comes in -- he decided not to go to Atlantic City after all. I guess he did remember last week's conversation! Bobby and Kim talk about not having normal families. Matt also arrives for the festivities. It's just a big dysfunctional family party.
Yokas goes off on Fred about getting drunk and making her brother feel bad. He defends himself by telling her that her brother looks down on him and her, which she now knows is true. She tells him that every time he faces a problem he drinks. Then she announces that she is going to bed, and he looks all sad. She takes his hand and they go to bed together. I predict future episodes with Fred and a drinking problem.
Doc calls that woman again and hangs up on her. A few seconds later the phone rings, and it is that woman. Doc asks her how he got his number, and she informs him about star 69. D'oh, busted! Small talk. She asks him out. He accepts.
Maggie meets Sully at a deli. How many delis do you know of that stay open after midnight? ["Hey, it's New York City. A lot of them never close at all." -- Sars] So he tells her that he thinks he may not be doing the right thing. She asks him for more information so she has a clue as to what he is talking about, but he tells her he isn't ready. So then she asks if she can order some food. Oh, yeah, like after eating a big Thanksgiving dinner she's actually hungry. You know Sully is hungry -- but not for food, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
Carlos goes to the hospital and visits the old Spanish-speaking lady. Um, aren't visiting hours during the day? He asks if she remembers him. She tells him she doesn't. If she doesn't remember him, maybe she forgot that she really doesn't have four daughters and she's just a crazy old lady. He introduces himself and offers her one of the plates of food he brought with him. She isn't hungry, so he sits to her and eats. Fade to black.