By Nicole
So the show starts off in a hotel restaurant with people buzzing around getting a big dinner ready with all sorts of fancy food. Bosco comes in singing:
I had a girl, and she was mine
Paint her ass with iodine
On her ass, I hung a sign
Keep off this ass, this ass is mine!
Which makes me think that the writers are trying to write in as many naughty words in their scripts now that the show is on at 10 p.m., like when Saturday Night Live was allowed to use the word "penis," and they had that sketch with Matthew Broderick at the nudist colony, and they used the word "penis" about a hundred times in the sketch. So Bosco sits at a little table set up in the middle of the kitchen, where Yokas is sitting reading the paper. Yokas gives him the stink-eye, and Bosco explains that his father taught him that song. And that is a song that you really want to keep going from generation to generation. Not. I wonder if skanky Nicole's ass has iodine painted all over it. So Bosco asks Yokas for the sports page and she tells him she'll give him the paper when she is done reading it, because she doesn't like her paper "rumbly," whatever that means. She holds the paper so you can see the front page, which says that there's a debate that night between Rudy Giuliani and Hillary Clinton, and then the two of them start talking about being there for police protection during the debate and that people paid $1,000 a plate for dinner after the debate. Okay, first of all, who pays to see a debate? Debates aren't for the ultra-rich who would pay $1,000 for a meal; they are for the little people who haven't made up their mind on who to vote for. And who has a dinner after a debate? I doubt Rudy or Hillary would want to sit down to a fancy meal after standing up in front of a crowd and verbally fighting each other. And how are the two political parties going to divide the money? Where do Democrats and Republicans have joint fundraisers? Big fat whatever. So Bosco is getting in the way of the chefs, and trying to pick food off of plates, and the head chef yells at him to get out of everyone's way. I would have poked Bosco with a big fork if I saw him put his grubby paws on the nice food I was preparing. Bosco then bitches about people paying $1000 to get chicken. There were also plates of lobster on the other table, Bosco, and some people are allergic to seafood and would prefer chicken. Not that you would think to accommodate some people who have limitations on what they can eat. I'm sure there were some plates with just vegetables to accommodate vegetarians. But I'm sure Bosco can't comprehend that some people choose not to eat meat -- he probably thinks that is un-American and that they should just starve. His father probably taught him that too. So Yokas tells Bosco that those people also paid $1000 for a picture with Hillary. Bosco tells her he wants his picture taken with Giuliani. Yokas is all appalled that he likes Giuliani and he can't understand how she could like Hillary and they start debating about who is the better candidate. Sars pretty much sums up what they each say as to why neither Hillary or Rudy should get the Senate seat on her site, Tomato Nation.
Sully and Ty are in their car on the way to the hotel. Ty is getting his CDs and Walkman together, and lets Sully listen to one of his rap CDs. Sully thinks Ty's music is crap, and they have a little debate between rap music and poetry. They park in an underground lot, where the paramedics are hanging out. Doc gives out paychecks to Bobby and Kim and Carlos, and Kim notices that her check has been garnished by a finance company Jimmy used. Sully and Ty are walking into the hotel and Sully tells him about the time that he and Ty's dad did kitchen patrol at the UN during a visit from China, and that they got enough free Chinese food to last two weeks. They walk into the kitchen to find Bosco and Yokas still debating, and Sully starts eyeing all the food. Bosco tells him that they aren't allowed to have any of the food. Sully decides that he is going to use the powers of getting free food that he learned from Mantooth the fire dog. Remember that cool dog? Neither do the writers. Sully tries to sweet-talk the head chef, and the chef tells Sully that if he wants food there's a take-out restaurant down the street. Denied! Bosco and Yokas try to get Ty to join in their debate, but he just puts his headphones on and tries to drown them out.
Kim is on her cell phone with the finance company and she finds out that Jimmy put her name on some paperwork and they are now getting the money he owes them from her. She goes outside where Jimmy and gang are hanging out and she tells him about her garnishment. He tries to weasel his way out of being responsible for the garnishment, and Kim drills him a new asshole and tells him that she is no longer going to let him be around Joey anymore. Way to grow a spine, Kim!
Yokas is checking IDs on the chefs, and Bosco is talking about how great Rudy is and is putting down Hillary, as Ty brings in a bag full of hamburgers he got from the take-out place down the street. Sully refuses to eat take-out, and vows to get some food from the kitchen. You better start channeling the spirit of Mantooth for help, Sully -- otherwise you will get nothing and like it!
Meanwhile, down in the underground parking lot, Carlos asks Doc, Bobby, and Kim what their worst call was, but they don't want to talk about stuff like that. Carlos persists, and Bobby tells him that Doc and Jerry had a call that involved a suitcase, but Doc doesn't want to talk about it. Kim starts talking about a girl, from some state that she couldn't remember, at her college graduation waiting on some steps waiting for her father to come back from their car, she was all dressed up and about to put her cap and gown on, and a dog attacked her and took off half her face. Kim says that she was crying the whole time she was working on her and she doesn't know why that incident has stuck with her. Doc thinks that she was crying because the girl had such high hopes and she just figured out that life doesn't go the way you want it to go. Kim then remembers the girl was from Ohio.
Bosco has some old TV, and he tries to get a picture on the screen, and the Secret Service come in. Bosco is all annoyed that they are there. Yeah, Bosco, you're doing such a good job making sure that the First Lady is being protected right now that there is no need for the Secret Service to be around. Not. So Bosco walks up to the agents to see if they want to help him with the TV. They look at him like they really hope Bosco was just joking. Then Bosco tries to start some small talk and he tells them about how he thought of taking the Secret Service test. The agents give him the stink-eye and tell him they are on duty. Bosco acts a little offended, and then tells them, "Tough break on that Dallas thing." And walks off. Uh, Bosco, that's Waco. I didn't realize that there was such a high level of ignorance needed to become a member of the NYPD. ["I think he meant JFK getting shot, but it was still stupid." -- Sars]
Kim goes over to Doc, who is sitting in one of the ambulances, and tells him that she was twenty-five when she found out that life didn't go as planned. That was when she found out that Jimmy was sleeping with her sister. Doc tells her he found out when Deborah died. He wanted to have kids and she didn't and they fought about it, and he said that he was going to leave, and she died before he could take it back.
Ty walks into the kitchen and tells Sully, Bosco, and Yokas that he snuck a peek at the debate and said that Rudy was doing well. Yokas gets upset that Ty likes Rudy. Ty then tells her that Hillary said that she was for the death penalty, and Yokas tells him Hillary's only saying that to get the votes from upstate. That sounds like a typical Clinton stunt -- tell whatever group you are talking to at the moment what they want to hear, even if it isn't what you really feel. It got Bill in office. Twice. Sully wants to know how Yokas can be against the death penalty, and Yokas gives the most bizarre reason against the death penalty I have ever heard. She tells them to imagine that a woman is getting raped and murdered and they hear the woman in a building screaming, and then they hear the screams stop so they assume the woman is dead. If they find the guy who did it and start beating him and maybe kill him it is okay because they are in the heat of the moment and their emotions take over. The death penalty is the cops coming and arresting the guy, then eight months later twelve civilized people get dressed up and come downtown and decide to put a person to death, and that is like playing God. Huh? So it is okay if you find a guy right after a murder and beat him to death, not fully knowing if the guy is in fact the murderer, but it is not okay for a man to be tried and found guilty by a group of his peers and put to death. I don't get it. Ty thinks that Yokas' form of justice is mob justice, and tells her that if he is afraid of anything it is a mob and he'll take twelve civilized people over a mob any day of the week. That shuts up Yokas good.
Kim is asleep in her ambulance while Bobby talks with Carlos about trying to get bad events out of their heads, not bringing them back to talk about. Carlos tells him he doesn't want to forget the bad events; he wants to understand why they happen. Can you explain why it took you so long to realize that Morales had no interest in you whatsoever, Carlos?
The head chef is complaining about his orange sauce being too sweet. Out of nowhere, Sully pops up behind him and suggests putting ginger ale in the sauce to take away the sweetness. Now, I can see putting ginger in a sauce, but ginger ale? I always thought ginger ale was a sweet drink, so I don't know how it will take away the sweetness of a sauce. If I haven't seen it on Food TV Network, I don't believe it! But seriously, if someone knows if this is real, tell me. The chef also doesn't believe Sully, and he blows him off.
The paramedics are sitting around again, and Doc decides to tell Carlos about "the suitcase." He and Jerry found a couple passed out in their car behind a fast-food restaurant. They were "in coitus," and Doc and Jerry figured out that they were whacked out on heroin. After they got the couple conscious again they saw them staring at a suitcase in the back of their car, so they opened up the suitcase and found the couple's dead four-year-old son folded up in it. Doc says he hopes they killed the boy before he was put in the suitcase, because they had to break his legs to get him in it. Doc then says, "Nobody noticed. Nobody saw." Then Bobby says, "Nobody noticed. Nobody saw." Yeah, Bobby. We heard Doc the first time. Carlos tells him that the nuns he grew up with would say that nobody but God saw it, then he goes off about how God lets horrible things happen to kids and he doesn't think there is a god who would do that, so he doesn't believe in God. He then asks Doc how he can believe in God, and Doc asks him how he can believe in man. Well, I would think he can believe in man because there is physical evidence of man and there isn't any physical evidence of God, and if there is a being that can control the heavens and earth, why doesn't it let itself be known, and why does it allow such atrocities to happen to people all over the world? But I could be full of shit.
Bosco and Sully are playing with tin-foiled antennas, and they have the TV on a bunch of metal food containers, and they finally get a signal. How hard is it to get a signal on a TV when you are located in the same city that the signal is coming from? ["In Manhattan, if you don't have cable, it can be quite difficult. I can't get squat without cable because I live so close to the Empire State Building. And that's one to grow on." -- Sars] Bosco starts singing his iodine-ass song, and Ty joins in. Apparently, Ty's father taught him that song too. I wonder if Ty's father and Bosco's father grew up in the same cave. So they finally get to watch some basketball game on the TV, and the minute the Secret Service agents unplug it and take it to the pressroom because the press needs another television. Whatever. I was hoping they were going to take it away since Bosco and gang's job was to make sure the kitchen was secure, not to watch TV. Bosco and Sully and Ty get all pissy and it looks like Bosco is about to pitch a hissyfit right there.
Kim is awake now and is balancing her checkbook. Bobby comes over to her, and they talk about her having to always clean up Jimmy's messes, and she tells Bobby that she can't seem to get Jimmy out of her life, and that he feels like "home" to her. Yeah, if your home is debtor's prison.
Bosco, Ty, and Yokas are sitting around; Bosco is still pissed about the TV. Ty tells him that he doesn't watch that much TV anyway, and Bosco tells them that he only watches sports and animal shows. Right then, the producers should have started playing that new song that goes, "You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so why don't we do it like they do on the Discovery Channel." I wonder if that's where Bosco gets his ideas for things to do with skanky Nicole. So then he talks about seeing some show where a mother lion was hunting antelopes to feed her babies and she would chase the herd until one got tired, and then she would pounce on that one, and Bosco felt bad for that weak antelope and always hoped that one time the antelope would turn around and fight the lioness. Then he compares humans to animals like that and tells Yokas how he remembers when he was in elementary school there was one kid who the guys would shove in the mud, but sometimes they would start beating on the kid, so Bosco would come to the kid's aid and fight the other guys, and when he got home his dad would bitch him out for trying to take a hit for another guy. Yokas thinks that's why Bosco became a cop, so he could help the weak people. I think it was so he could beat up the strong people.
Kim goes outside to see Jimmy again, and she tells him that she doesn't want to deprive Joey of his father so she will let Jimmy see him. Oh, man, Kim, your backbone just flew away! You are so weak! Jimmy then tells her for the umpteenth time that he is going to work hard to pay back the money he owes and he is going to shape up. Boy, that sounds familiar. Fortunately for Jimmy, Kim is easy like Sunday morning and she believes him, and then they start reminiscing about their wedding and honeymoon, where we learn that the reason they got married was because she was knocked up. What a surprise, except for the part about the surprise.
Sully walks over to the chef, who's eating some of the chicken with orange sauce. He tells Sully he tried using the ginger ale and it worked, and then he offers Sully some food. Sully sees Ty, Bosco, and Yokas looking at him with big hungry eyes and he asks the chef if the others can have some food too. Who could ever doubt Sully's ability to get free food? I just hope he got enough food to bring back for Mantooth, since he was Sully's inspiration.
Kim and Bobby are getting ready to leave and they find Doc on his cell phone talking mushy-gushy with Morales. Doc quickly gets off the phone and they tell him that the debate is over, and Kim goes outside to tell Carlos. Bobby asks Doc how he can stand being with Carlos all day, and Doc tells him that he tries not to judge people based on their beliefs; when their shift is over, Carlos goes on to his life and Doc goes on to his own life. Bobby then tells Doc he heard that he is seeing Morales and asks if that's true. Doc tells him it is true, and then Bobby tells him that he has a new girl in his life too, and since he's been on two dates with her he thinks it is serious. So, besides that one night with Dana in the fall, and his night of passion with Kim, and then his rebound-anger-fuck with his new "girlfriend," how many times has Bobby gotten laid if he never has more than one date with a girl? I wonder if he has a large supply of hand cream at his home.
Kim and Carlos are outside looking at the stars, and they start to talk about the Big Bang theory. Isn't that how Joey was conceived? Then they realize they have a half-hour left on their shift and make plans to have pizza after their shift is over. The whole gang then gets a call about a car accident, and in the most action-packed scene of this boring episode, they all run to their respective vehicles and drive off. Fade to black, as I black out from boredom from watching the dullest episode ever.