By Nicole
So the show opens up with Sullivan driving down the street, probably on his way to work since he doesn't have his uniform on and he is driving his own car, and these old women keep driving up alongside him and smiling and winking at him so he stops the car -- in the middle of the street -- and goes around to the passenger side and sees a paper sign taped to the door that says, "OLDER WOMEN MAKE ME WET! -- Bosco" and Sully is all, "Son of a bitch!" and an older woman who is walking by sees the sign and looks him up and down, and Sully rips off the sign from his car. Um, I may not be an expert on body functions, but don't women get wet and men get hard?
Cut to Doherty playing pool at the station and telling a group of guys that he put the sign on Sullivan's car and put Bosco's name on it. Oh, man! How ingenious! I'll bet you Doherty is the kind of guy who puts those candles on birthday cakes that keep re-lighting after you blow them out.
Cut to Sullivan and Ty in their cop car talking about the sign. Ty says, "Maybe he's just trying to hook you up," and he is actually half-serious. All of a sudden Ty is concerned with Sullivan's sex life? So they get a call about a car-jacking in progress -- two victims in the car and another in the trunk. Now, that's a new one on me; I never thought a car jacker would take the time to put someone in the trunk of the car. So about two seconds after Ty and Sullivan get the description and license plate number of the car, they see that very car driving down the road, so they follow it, and we see a chase scene with the cars weaving through New York City traffic, and then the car jacker jumps out of the car and the car drives into a river. So Sullivan and Ty get out of their car, and Ty doesn't know whether he should chase the carjacker or jump into the water to save the people in the car. Um, Ty, I didn't go to the police academy, but even I know what to do.
And then the credits start, and I have to say that the music they play during the credits has a pretty catchy tune to it.
After the commercials end, the show comes back to Ty and Sullivan jumping into the water and swimming to the car, and the car is halfway under water at this point. The doors are locked, and it takes a while for the screaming mother and daughter in the car to clue in that maybe they should unlock the doors so that Ty and Sullivan can get them out. As Ty and Sullivan take the mother and daughter to the edge of the river, an ambulance arrives, and Sullivan doubles back to try to get the father out from the trunk. Doherty gets a crowbar and jumps into the river to help Sullivan, and together they finally get the father out of the trunk, but he isn't breathing, and during this entire sequence a Channel 4 News helicopter is flying overhead, and Sullivan and Doherty get the guy out of the water and start giving him CPR.
Cut to Bosco and Yokas getting in their car. Sullivan's card is sitting on the steering wheel with a note on the back of the card that says, "Enjoy the flour," and Bosco is saying that Sullivan is an idiot because he can't spell "flower" right, and as Bosco starts the car, flour blows out of the vents and all over him. Yokas looks at him and starts laughing. How is that spelled again, Bosco?
Cut to Doherty at the station, complaining that the TV crew didn't show enough of him on the news. Kim is complaining that the father of her child almost got himself drowned and Doherty is all, "You know what kept me alive?" and Kim goes, "Your thick head doesn't need much oxygen?" Oh, that hurts! So then Doherty shows Kim the Springsteen tickets he has and invites her to go with him. She says she'll think about it.
Cut to Doc and Carlos cleaning up the ambulance, and they find an expensive watch with "to my dearest, time passes, love is eternal" inscribed on it. They think it belongs to the guy from the trunk, who ended up dying, and they decide to go to the hospital to give the watch back to his wife.
Cut to Bosco, who somehow stole Sullivan and Ty's car, and he is parking it in an alley, just like in Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery when Austin was running around at Virtucon and he tried to do a K-turn with that little electric car and he got it stuck in the hallway. So Bosco is all proud of himself, and that guy who did those Miller Lite commercials (you know, the big hairy bald guy who did the twist in front of the bottle because the cap said "twist off," and the guy with the Great Dane who retrieved a Miller Lite for him and then wanted the guy to dance with him) is watching and he points out, "You're blocking the alley. It's all blocked up now!" and of course Bosco ignores him and exclaims, "It's gonna take Sully an hour to get it unparked!" and Yokas is all, "It took you an hour to park it!" and Bosco says, "That's not the point." No, the point is that Bosco is a dumb-ass. Anyway, the Miller Lite guy is very worried that anyone who might need to go through the alley won't be able to get through, so he asks if he can tell people to go around instead, and Bosco is all, "Yeah, tell them." So the Miller Lite guy runs back to the car and watches to see if anyone wants to go through the alley, and Bosco asks Yokas why that guy is always hanging around, and Yokas tells him that the guy likes him. The Miller Lite guy must have a mental problem if he likes Bosco. So Bosco is all, "The guy's, like, a retard," and Yokas is all, "He IS retarded!" which I guess explains why he's taken such a shine to Bosco. And Yokas tells Bosco to be nice to him, and Bosco says, "What do you want me to do? Hold his drool cup?" What a humanitarian that Bosco is.
Cut to the hospital, and the little girl from the car-jacking is wigging out, and Doc and Carlos come in and take the mother aside, and she is in shock and mourning her husband. Doc and Carlos try to give her the watch, but it didn't belong to her husband.
Cut to Ty and Sullivan coming out of a pizza place holding slices, and Ty is suggesting that Sullivan get together with Marie's aunt. Who's Marie? So they go to where they parked their car, and of course it isn't there. Wow -- it took them a long time to get some pizza, especially if they got it to go. So Ty finds the car in the alley, but the Miller Lite guy isn't there to tell people to go around anymore; I guess after Bosco left, he lost interest. So Ty exclaims, "Somebody had a lot of time on their hands." And Sullivan exclaims, "Bosco!"
Cut to Doc and Carlos at no place in particular. Doc decides that they should find out who owned the watch by going to the of kin of each man who has died in the ambulance in the last few weeks. Carlos mentions that he's always wanted a watch like that, and that he is going to med school so that one day he can afford a fancy watch like that one. Why else would you go to med school?
Cut to Bosco and Yokas in their car. Yokas tells Bosco that a cop got caught on a surveillance camera getting hot and heavy in a parking lot. Bosco turns pale.
Bobby and Kim in the ambulance. Bobby tells Kim that if she goes to the concert with Doherty, she'll end up sleeping with him, and then later he'll have to hear her complain about it.
Ty and Sullivan help a woman who just had her purse snatched. She can't identify who did it because it happened so fast. They ask her what she had in her purse, and she says she had a wallet, credit cards, and two tickets for the Mets game that night. They decide to go to the Mets game to catch the guy who stole the purse.
Doc and Carlos go to some random woman's house and ask her about her husband who died, and she just yells at her kids and complains about how her husband only watched his cholesterol go up, the watch isn't his because the only money he spent was on beer, yadda yadda yadda, and she asks if Doc and Carlos can just give her the watch so she can sell it to pay for funeral costs. Lovely lady -- I can see why her husband worked so hard to stay healthy so he could keep living with her.
At the precinct, everyone is watching the surveillance tape. The woman can't be identified, but we can see Bosco's face. What a surprise. Actually, I am surprised -- surprised that, with his manners, he managed to get a woman to have sex with him without giving her money.
Bosco and Yokas in their car, being called in by the captain. Bosco confesses to Yokas that he was the one on the tape, but he won't tell her who the girl was.
Doc and Carlos getting a door slammed in their faces. As they walk back to the ambulance, Doc asks Carlos why be became a medic, and Carlos tells him that he was a medic in the Army and he decided to keep doing it to make money to go to school.
Cut to the Mets game. Ty and Sullivan know the exact seats that the woman had. Yeah like anyone would remember the exact seat numbers. Whatever. So they find two guys sitting there, and the guys tell Ty and Sullivan that they switched seats with another guy. When Sullivan asked them what the guy looked like, they said he looked like a clown. It was the same clown guy from last week -- the one who got "waffled"! What a coincidence! So they handcuff the clown guy and take him away, and the clown guy is yelling "Attica!" Whatever. I just hope he doesn't become a regular character, because he just bugs me. I think he is supposed to be somewhat funny, but he isn't.
Cut to Bosco and Yokas sitting outside the captain's office and Bosco is all, "I've got problems." You think? And then he says, "You know what I need?" and Yokas suggests, "Therapy?" and Bosco says, "I need to be shot. I need to be taken out back and shot right in the head." I swear to God -- that's what he said. I couldn't have said it any better myself! I guess he thinks of himself as a homeless drunk or mentally ill person now. So the captain's daughter walks out of the office, and Bosco turns pale again and has this real guilty look on his face, and Yokas figures out that Bosco diddled the captain's daughter and got caught on tape, and she starts to bug out. Bosco was right -- he really does need to be shot in the head, but not the head sitting on his shoulders. So Bosco is called into the captain's office and he is about to pee his pants, and the captain chews him out, but he evidently doesn't realize that it was his daughter that Bosco porked in the front seat of the car. So Bosco gets something bad put in his personnel file about the whole deal, and that's it. Lucky bastard.
Sullivan and Ty see a guy who looks like the car-jacker. They park and get out and follow him. When they tell him to put his hands up, some other guy runs off and all these cop cars come flying up around them and they realize that they just stopped a plain-clothed policeman who was following another criminal. D'oh!
Cut to Kim at the hospital, and she sees Dana and starts talking to her, and Dana asks Kim if she has something going on with Bobby because when he's with Dana he acts like he'd rather be with someone else. Kim tells Dana she'll talk to Bobby for her.
Bosco and Yokas get coffee, and when they go back to their car, it is missing. They commandeer a bus to find their car. Oh, sure, like no one on the bus would mind driving around looking for your car. Whatever.
Kim and Bobby in the ambulance. Kim asks Bobby about Dana, and Bobby changes the subject by grumbling that Kim always complains about Doherty but she still keeps sleeping with him. She tells him that he can't have a healthy relationship with anyone because he is a momma's boy, and then she compares Bobby to Norman Bates. He gets pissed off and makes her get out of the ambulance. It's all fun and games until you start talking about someone's mother.
On the bus, Bosco sees Sullivan's car and makes the bus honk its horn and flash its lights so Sullivan will stop. Bosco runs out of the bus and demands that Sullivan give him his car back, and he accuses Sullivan of stealing his car, because he stole Sullivan's car and parked it in the alley, because Sullivan put flour in his vents (are you following this?), and Sullivan said he did the flour thing because Bosco put the sign up on his car. Bosco denies putting any sign on his car, and eventually they both figure out that Doherty started it all. Right as they come to this conclusion, Bosco's car drives by at about 10 mph with its lights flashing.
Cut to Sullivan and Bosco in the front seat of Sullivan's car, and Yokas and Ty in the back seat. Ty's knees are up around his ears. They pull up to the side of Bosco's car, and who is driving? The retarded Miller Lite guy! And then Yokas says that the guy's name is really Rick (also the name of my husband. Coincidence?). Sullivan turns on his speaker and says, "Pull over." And Rick turns on his speaker and says, "Pull over!" and then Bosco takes the speaker and yells, "PULL OVER!" and Rick also yells, "PULL OVER!" and Bosco goes, "Shut up!" and Rick goes, "Shut up!" and Bosco is all, "SHUT! UP!" and Rick is all, "SHUT! UP!" and giving Bosco a taste of his own medicine, and at this point I am cracking up because the guy is totally giving Bosco an aneurysm and I really hope he becomes a regular character. So they drive past another cop car and the cops from that car radio Sullivan asking what is going on, and Sullivan tells them that someone took Bosco's car and they're following. The cops tell him that they will help and they radio for backup, and Bosco is ready to shoot himself in the head (again) because of the embarrassment of having a retarded guy steal his car and everyone finding out about it.
At the precinct, the captain is watching the news and seeing a parade of cars driving very slowly down a street, and he asks, "Whose precinct is that?" and someone says, "Ours." And the captain just buries his face in his hands. That man is not only having a Maalox moment, he's having a Maalox day. ["I can relate." -- Sars]
A group of cop cars flies around on both sides of the slow-moving parade and cuts off Rick, and the cops jump out and aim their pistols at Rick. Bosco gets out of Sullivan's car and yells at everyone to put their weapons down and walks over to Rick, and for once he isn't screaming or trying to pound on something. He says very calmly to Rick that his shift is over and he can get out of the car. And then he's all friendly with Rick and tells him that they need to go back to the precinct and eat donuts and talk about their day, and that he did a good job, and everything is okay and not to worry about anything. Bosco coaxes Rick out of his car, and he puts him in the back of Sullivan's car. It was like watching Bizarro Bosco in action.
Doc and Carlos at a middle-aged man's apartment; the man is packing to move to upstate New York. They ask him about the watch, and the guy reminisces about his husband and how he was a lousy dresser, and then he starts crying and tells them that his husband didn't own a watch. As they leave the apartment building, Carlos decides that he isn't going to try to find the owner of the watch anymore; it just hurts their loved ones to keep bringing up memories of the people they lost.
Ty sees the car-jacker and radios Sullivan, who is in a bathroom taking a leak. He tells Ty to follow the guy. The guy runs into the subway, and Ty radios Sullivan to tell him where he's going, and Ty chases the guy around the subway, and the guy gets caught trying to go up some stairs that are gated closed. Sullivan is on the other side of the gate, and the guy takes out his gun, and everyone has their guns pointed at each other, and when Sullivan finally talks the guy into dropping his gun, Ty handcuffs him and kind of smirks. You're a big boy now, Ty. Go call your mommy and tell her all about it.
Kim waits for Bobby by his car; she tells him she isn't going to the concert with Doherty and thanks Bobby for his advice. Bobby tells her that, when he was little, his dad skipped out on him and there were nine other people in the house to take care of, so he needed to step up and take responsibility and it didn't end after he grew up; then Kim says that she has an ex-husband who doesn't pay child support because he gambles it away, a six-year-old to take care of, and a sister who can't find a job. Get them some paper hats and they can have their own Pity Party.
At the precinct, Yokas is telling Bosco she is proud of him for not being an asshole. The captain tells him that he is being taken off the street for a week and will be in charge of the lock-up. Bosco sees the clown guy in the lock-up, and the clown guy starts laughing at him. How are you going to "waffle" him now, Bosco?
Cut to Bobby at the ER, asking Dana to go out with him when her shift is over. He says he wants to spend time with her. Yeah, if his mother will let him. He and Ty should compare notes.
Cut to Kim going to Doherty's apartment building. Strangely enough, his apartment iron-bar door at the front of his building looks exactly like the one on Kim's apartment building. Kim gets to Doherty's apartment and finds Doherty standing at the door, and he asks, "Want to talk?" and Kim is all, "I just want to go to bed." She's easy like Sunday morning. I hope she at least ends up going to the Springsteen concert with him after all of this.
Doc at the hospital talking to Jerry; Jerry is now conscious, and Doc is telling him about how he tried to return the watch, and he mentions his wife's death, and how he needs Jerry back at the station sooner than later. Jerry just gives him this look of horror, and I don't know what it means, but it was very similar to the look I get after watching this show.