Previously, on the Real World: Melissa hoped everyone would be ugly so that she could be the "shining star." Melissa feels like an outsider. Melissa tells David she's had bad experiences dating black men, so she dates white guys instead. Melissa, Melissa, Melissa. I'm so sick of Melissa! Kelley wants to do something important in her life, but she doesn't know what. From the visual accompanying this declaration, we can assume it will involve pasting cut-out magazine pictures in a book and then drawing on the page with crayons. The hell? I made better collages in kindergarten!
At Belfort, I guess it's later in the day from last week's episode, where Melissa apologized to David, because they're all wearing the same outfits. I'm giving Danny one more week with that gray sweater, because for all I know, all the instances we've seen of him wearing it was actually footage filmed on the same day. But time is running out for that excuse. Anyway, Melissa tells Julie she's going to meet a man today because "something's not right" and she's sick of it. Melissa says that everyone in the house wants to be "attractive and unavailable" and then nearly walks right into Danny, which was a pretty funny juxtaposition. Melissa claims again that she is going to meet someone, and Jamie (remember him?) gives her a funny look. Or maybe that's his normal facial expression. It's hard to tell, since he has gotten about three minutes of camera time thus far.
We see some shots of various Greek letters, signifying fraternities I guess, but we didn't have Greek organizations at my college and I really have never cared much about them either way. The roommates go to a place called "The Boot Bar and Grill" which is open until 6 A.M. In an interview, Melissa says that she has a problem in that she needs boys to pay attention to her. Well, at least she knows it's a problem. Now she just needs to start working on it! Melissa talks to some males aged nineteen and twenty-one, and proclaims them to be "babies," even though she's only twenty-two. One of them is in a fraternity and Melissa says that he doesn't look like he would be. This is our first clue that Melissa deals entirely in stereotypes. Now, I've met my share of obnoxious fraternity members, but I've also met some nice ones, and I don't think that it's fair to judge like that. Especially not to their faces, when you are trying to get a date. The on-screen text identifies this man as "Frat Matt," which is pretty funny, but I guess they are trying to differentiate him from roommate Matt. It's easy though. "Frat Matt" looks like Steve from Blue's Clues and doesn't wear cheesy-ass clothes and think he's "dope" and "fresh" and "bomb-diggety." In an interview, Melissa says she was being "loud, honest Melissa." I guess that is as opposed to the Melissa we've seen so far this season. Oh wait, she's always loud. She told Blue's Clues they were going on a date. We see her ask him if he has a "little girlfriend." Could she be any more condescending? First, she tells him he's a baby and then asks about his "little girlfriend." What's ? "Does baby want a bottle?" Melissa tells Blue's Clues to come and pick her up and that it will be "on the date tip," so he should dress up. God, could she be any bossier? I don't know why Blue's Clues doesn't tell her to get stuffed. Oh yeah, the cameras. Obviously, he just wants to be on television.
The morning, Matt (the "fly" one) is in Melissa's room. He looks at a picture on her nightstand and asks who it is. Melissa says that it's her ex-boyfriend, Ryan, who was a drummer. In case we didn't get that from the fact that he is playing the drums in the picture. In an interview, Melissa says she "happens to be attracted to scruffy, weird, white boys." She tells Matt that Ryan was a twenty-one year old virgin, which I took to be her hitting on Matt, the twenty-one year old virgin, but maybe not. In the eight-thousandth interview with Melissa in this episode, she says that she has settled in the past and she doesn't have to, and she knows she can get the best of what's out there on her own. Maybe if Melissa didn't base her entire self-worth on how many men are attracted to her, and tried just liking herself for who she is instead of who her boyfriend is, she would be a little less annoying. Does she even hear what she is saying? She admits that she has a problem in needing attention from men, but instead of trying to figure out why that is, or resolve her issues in some way, she just goes out and seeks more attention from men. Melissa, I'd like you to meet Holly from Road Rules. I think the two of you will have a lot to discuss.
Danny signs for a FedEx package, and then reads the letter inside to Kelley and Julie. Well, he reads it to himself and then just says the word "broadcasting," which causes Kelley to start repeating, "Uh-unh! No way!" All of the roommates gather around as Danny reads the letter. This is the part where I figured out it was the same day as shown in episodes, because they are all wearing the same clothes, not just Danny. I guess they didn't want to show this scene earlier because they were waiting to kick off the "this year's job" storyline until after they had already established the "Melissa is annoying," "David is a playa," "Danny is gay," and "Julie is a Mormon" storylines. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Danny reads the letter from Elton, their new boss, who is the Director of New Orleans Access Television Operations. They will be working with him, and he wants to meet them on January 26th. David proclaims their job assignment to be, you guessed it, "tight," and says, "Television, baby, that's all I need to know." Are we supposed to pretend that we don't know they're already on television? Doesn't it seem kind of weird that they are so excited to be on television when they are already on this show? I can't think about it any more, because it makes my brain hurt. In an interview, Kelley says that this could be good for her future. Kelley is on the phone telling someone about the situation and says, "I'm on my way to stealing Oprah's job." Okay, do they realize that this is public access television? Nothing against the people who work hard to produce public access shows, but they basically allow a monkey with a camera to get some airtime. There are good shows and bad shows, but it's hardly Must See TV, and produces very few breakout stars.
The group takes a cab to go meet with Elton. After being welcomed, they all file into a conference room. Elton explains that New Orleans Access Television (NOA TV) "allows people to talk about issues not normally covered by the mainstream media," and then we get a shot of Danny, since he lives an "alternative lifestyle." How subtle. Maybe public access is different in New Orleans, but every time I turn it on, it's a bunch of teenagers doing skits in someone's basement (à la Wayne's World), a bunch of people talking about sex, or a humorless panel discussion of boring local politics. Elton continues explaining that they will be producing a live television show. The roommates could not look less interested if they tried. I think Jamie fell asleep there for a minute. Elton wants them to "focus on content and ideas," and he "won't accept anything less than perfection." Has he watched Real World before? Clearly not. Jamie asks if they actually go into the field and do production, and if they be trained on the equipment, and he mimes holding a video camera in case we don't get it. But we do. Elton says there will be training but he doesn't want them to worry about the technology, and then he says content like a hundred times. Julie asks about the frequency of the show, and Elton says it will be weekly. Kelley asks what he wants from them the time they meet, like a concept and title for the show, who is doing what, and the graphics. Elton says he wants all of that. Jamie obviously saw the Hawaii season, because he asks slyly if they will have access to a car. Elton doesn't really answer, but instead leads them out to the parking lot where they find their new vehicle, a black SUV of some sort. How lame! Yeah, public access television is just rolling in dough. That's so realistic, that they would get a "company car." Matt shows the first sign of life this season by running over to the car and trying to get in, but it's locked, and I laugh. Finally, they all pile in and pull out.
Back at Belfort, Melissa prepares for her date. Blue's Clues arrives and Jamie answers the door. In a confessional, Melissa says that if she has to do things she wouldn't normally do at home, she will. This is taken out of context because they want you to think she's talking about sex. Blue's Clues tells Jamie that they are going to run errands and grab a bite to eat, which doesn't sound like much of a date to me. But I guess it's about who you're with, not what you do. Melissa and Blue's Clues exit the house and Melissa is all excited about his "nice car," which is some sort of SUV. I wish I could tell you what make and model, but frankly I don't care. I guess it's a nice one, though. I don't see what a college student in New Orleans needs an SUV for, because it's not like he's going off-road or transporting around a family, but then again, I don't get the whole SUV attraction anyway. Melissa says she's never dated anyone with a nice car because most of her dates are "trifling and they don't have jobs." Blue's Clues opens the door for her and once they get in, Melissa announces they are "officially on a date." Does she have to keep saying that? Like, we get it, he gets it, the camera crew gets it, and the entire city of New Orleans gets it. Now, shut up!
Blue's Clues drives all slumped over to one side, and my driver ed teacher would not approve one bit! He should have both hands on the wheel and aim high in steering. Blue's Clues asks Melissa where she needs to go, and she says she wants to buy a coat at "2207 Magazine Street," for those of you planning the Real World Reality Tour of New Orleans. Melissa asks him his major in college, and Blue's Clues is majoring in business. She asks him if he's spoiled, and if he's ever had a job. What does she think he's going to say? "Yeah, I'm spoiled rotten. I've never had to work a day in my life. I have servants who feed me grapes while I relax on a chaise lounge and have my feet anointed with virgin olive oil." Of course, he says that he works every summer, but his father has a rule that he can't work during the school year, so that he can concentrate on his studies. Melissa thinks that's a great rule. You know, I had friends in college whose parents said the same thing. Parents, I have news for you. Your kid will not spend their extra time studying. They will be partying, or sleeping, or watching television, or playing cards, or having sex. Maybe you don't mind that, but let's just drop the "extra time for studying" charade, okay? No one is buying it. Melissa says she told her dad she wanted a car, and he said, "Baby, you want a job!" Ha! That sounds like something my dad would say. I wish Melissa's dad was on the show instead of Melissa.
Melissa and Blue's Clues enter the coat store, where Melissa has clearly shopped previously, based on the greeting the saleswoman gives her. Melissa says, "This is my date, Matt. We're on a date!" Ugh! Now the entire Parish of Orleans and the state of Louisiana get it. Melissa asks Blue's Clues if he thinks the saleswoman is cute and then announces that she warned him not to hit on the saleswoman. Blue's Clues looks like he's sorry he agreed to date a psycho, even if it did mean camera time. The saleswoman giggles uncomfortably. Melissa tries on a coat made out of skunks, or possibly Dalmatians. Who is she, Cruella DeVille? She says she likes long coats because her butt is "ghetto" and she wants to cover it up. She lifts up her coat to show Blue's Clues her ghetto butt, saying that it "gets places before [she does]." Does she walk everywhere backwards? That doesn't even make sense! Blue's Clues takes his cue and says that she doesn't have to cover it up. Melissa tries on another faux fur coat, but it's a little more subdued, and pronounces it "stank," which means she likes it. They leave the coat store.
They go to "Martin Wine Cellar" and I think they're going to get all liquored up, but apparently this place has a deli which serves various sandwiches. Melissa says "cute" for like the seventeenth time on this date, and I imagine Blue's Clues is searching desperately for the fire exit. Melissa babbles about how she'll have rice because all she does is eat rice, and seriously, she has not shut up for ten seconds on this entire date. Then we get a "scanning the menu board" shot and for once, Melissa is not talking. But then she decides which sandwich she wants, and Blue's Clues says he usually gets the same one. This causes Melissa to announce loudly that they are "in love." Melissa grabs a seat and Blue's Clues brings the sandwiches over. Melissa asks him if the food cost a million dollars, and Blue's Clues says that it was actually two million. Has Melissa ever been out of the house before? Doesn't she know it's bad manners to ask how much things cost, unless she intends to pay him back or something? She won't give it up, and asks him again how much it cost, and he says, "Not much," and then they zoom in on the sandwich for no apparent reason, but it does look tasty. Melissa says that he's nice as he takes her coat and lays it on the spare chair, since it does take up quite a bit of room. Maybe he just wanted to be able to eat his sandwich without faux fur flying in his face. Melissa tells him he has good manners and he replies that his dad taught him well. She asks him why he isn't dating anyone, which also seems pretty rude, and he says that he was dating someone for a year but it ended. As they get up to leave, he helps her with her coat and she's all, "Oh my goodness! You're going to put my coat on for me? You're just the cutest thing!" Like, we have eyes and we can see what he's doing so I don't know why she has to narrate every single action. They walk out and he offers to carry her leftovers, and Melissa says that he's so nice that he's "grossing [her] out." In an interview, Melissa has on a ridiculous stocking cap that I can't really talk about. She says that it's "not her" to date someone who opens doors and helps her with her coat and pays for things, and that it's never happened before. Okay, now the entire United States of America gets it, as well as our lovely neighbors to the North, Canada. Mexico, however, is still in the dark.
Back at Belfort, Melissa talks to Danny and Phat Matt about her date. She says Blue's Clues was "super-duper nice" and a gentleman, and she's surprised he went on a date with her, because she's not his type. Okay, first of all, she ordered him to take her on a date, and second of all, I think the cameras might have had something to do with it. Melissa thinks Blue's Clues is not into her, but she'll see. Danny asks her if Blue's Clues is "loaded" because "he's got a nice car." In an interview, Phat Matt says that Melissa pretended that her date was an "all-consuming drama" but really "neither of them has a clue who the other person is." Yes, Matt, that's why they were going on a date, to get to know one another better. What do you want them to do, join a youth group? I mean, Melissa is a drama queen, but Matt bugs me with his interviews, where he passes judgment on his roommates behind their backs, but he never says anything to their faces. Melissa tells the boys that Blue's Clues said they would go out again. In an interview, Melissa says she could potentially date him, but she has to "understand that he likes [her] and only [her]." Dude, they've been on one date and she already wants to be exclusive? Oh, maybe she means that she wants to make sure he likes her, and isn't just dating her to get camera time. Well, that actually makes sense.
Phat Matt calls everyone downstairs and then tells Danny they are going to be "super-late" on their first day of work. Danny eats a banana and everyone with a dirty mind giggles. That includes me. We see a shot of Elton waiting in the conference room, and he looks at his watch. As they all file out of the vehicle and into the building, Julie and Jamie are giggling like mad. They all sit down in the conference room and Elton announces that "problem number one" is that they are a half-hour late on their first day and they've wasted a half-hour of his time. Jamie smirks and Julie openly giggles. Brats! I hope they get fired. Elton says he doesn't think it's funny and he hopes they are prepared. Yeah! You tell them, Elton! Phat Matt says the name they have chosen for their show is...drumroll, please..."The Real Big Easy." Oh, puh-leeze. Clearly, they didn't even think about it until the night before. Kelley explains that their "tagline" will be, "We're real, we're big, and we're talking politics." How lame is that? Elton says that New Orleans is known as "The Big Easy" for the two people in the audience who weren't aware of that. Elton also mentions some local awards known as the "Big Easy Awards," but I don't know what that has to do with the price of tea in China. Elton concludes that their name is "a little too easy, no pun intended" and says he wants them to re-think it. I laugh, and laugh. I love Elton! In an interview, Kelley says that Elton is "a hard-ass," and she thinks he knows that when you "get in someone's face and say they can't do it," that person will try harder. I don't think he got in anyone's face. I think he just called them on their lame-ass idea. Elton asks who will be the producer, the person who will be responsible for the entire show, and no one responds because they're all sulking over his dismissal of their show title. He tells them to choose someone by their meeting. Weren't they supposed to have all those details taken care of by this meeting? We see another shot of Julie giggling. In an interview, Julie says she doesn't like Elton very much. Suddenly, everyone is back in the SUV of Brattiness, and Julie is mocking Elton, saying that she'll "take disciplinary action and write you up." Julie laughs at how crazy she is, and says she's heard that many times, but no one else in the SUV is laughing. Oh yeah, Julie, you're such a rebel. I bet you heard that one when you toilet-papered your resident advisor's dorm room at B.Y.U. The difference is that this is a job. Maybe you had better get your head out of your ass and stop looking at Elton as a high school principal and start looking at him as your boss. Adults have to have jobs and put up with a lot of crap from authority figures to do things like pay the rent and buy food, so get used to it. In an interview, Julie says that Elton thinks they'll slack or fail. Maybe he watched the Miami season? Julie tells her roommates that no matter what they went in with, Elton would have told them to think harder, and they will. Okay, she's bugging me.
Melissa talks to someone on the phone, and the on-screen text tells us that it is "Warren, Frat Matt's friend." Melissa asks what the deal is for tonight, and Warren tells her that they are going "downtown" to "nice places" and that it will be an "older crowd, not college-aged." Phat Matt is in the background, on the computer, wearing headphones he has pulled down so that he can totally eavesdrop on Melissa's conversation and then pass judgment on her later in an interview. In her interview, Melissa says that Blue's Clues is planning a birthday limo ride. Melissa calls to Julie to ask her if she's going and Julie unenthusiastically responds, "I'll go." The party arrives and Melissa is disappointed that it is not a limo, but a bus. Hey, I've been in one of those buses and while they're not much to look at from the outside, they're pretty plush and roomy on the inside. Plus, it's a free night of entertainment, so I don't know what she's bitching about. Melissa explains in a voice-over that it's basically a date with "sixteen or seventeen frat boys." Everyone drinks, and I expect David to bust in and start yelling at Melissa, but I guess that storyline has been tossed aside. Julie is wearing a really casual sweater for this trip "downtown" to "nice places." They all go into a restaurant of some sort. In an interview, Melissa says it was "very nice at first," but then she thought the guys wouldn't like her because she's not "a girl who can sip champagne and mingle and that's what they're looking for." We see shots of some guy kissing Melissa's hand, and then they all eat a ritzy looking dessert, and Melissa dramatically puts a fork in her mouth, and I don't see what her problem is. In an interview, Melissa says she's not a "typical girl" and she feels like she can't be herself. In other words, she can't be rude and crude, but instead has to have manners like a normal person. I mean, I'm not asking her to completely change her personality, but there is such a thing as behaving appropriately to the situation. Blue's Clues is talking to a really scary-looking woman in leather, and Melissa is giving him the hairy eyeball. Melissa comments to some random guy that her "boobs are nicer" than the leather chick's. Then she tells some guy that her butt is really nice, and takes off her coat and sticks her ass in his face while telling him to check out her "hoochie-booty-work pants." Class-ay! I'm so sure he's looking at her clothing. In an interview, Melissa says she doesn't know what to do with herself sometimes and she's scared in new situations. I can buy that, but maybe she should just settle down instead of running around yelling, "Look at me! Pay attention to me! Love me!" Blue's Clues tries to explain about the leather chick by saying she's a "hostess," and then tells Melissa not to roll her eyes at him, which Melissa does anyway. Blue's Clues has had a few too many drinks at this point, and is slurring his words. In an interview with Julie (for a change), she says that Melissa "finds comfort in the attention" of a guy like Blue's Clues, and that she likes attention from men. I'm so glad the producers included that statement, because I wasn't sure what Melissa's motivation is here. We see a shot of Melissa and Blue's Clues all tangled together, sort of hugging and sort of wrestling.
Now they are all back on the bus, and Melissa is dancing on the seat. Then she's sitting with Blue's Clues, who hugs her and kisses her shoulder. They arrive home and Julie is nowhere to be seen. Melissa and Blue's Clues walk in and Melissa asks Danny, who is standing right to the door, if the "hot tub is hot." Danny responds, "Are you?" Melissa does another dance move in response, and then suddenly Melissa and Blue's Clues are in bathing suits and getting into the hot tub as we go to commercial.
Back from commercial, it's hot in the hot tub. Blue's Clues splashes Melissa and she tells him not to splash her. Blue's Clues grabs her wrist and she tells him not to get fresh. Blue's Clues tells her she's sweet and that he's not trying to get fresh, and then asks her to sit on his lap. Whatever, Blue's Clues. In an interview, Melissa says that he kept asking her to come sit by him. Blue's Clues pushes Melissa lightly in a teasing manner and she tells him not to push her. Boy, she's just a load of fun, isn't she? She's not obligated to make out with him or anything, but I didn't see someone with a gun to her head, forcing her to put on a bathing suit and get in the hot tub with him. If she doesn't like him, she didn't have to invite him back. In an interview, Melissa says he hasn't asked her anything about herself. That's probably because he can't get a word in edgewise! Melissa sits outside the hot tub and Blue's Clues grabs her hand. Melissa says, "Don't you want to know about me?" and Blue's Clues says, "Tell me about yourself." Have I mentioned that he is really not cute at all? In a voice-over, Melissa says that he was putting his arms and "baby hands" all over her. Ha! He does have really small hands.
Kelley and Jamie watch them from the house and Kelley says they're "getting it on" and Jamie says, "Oh my God!" and gasps. I don't know why they didn't show us the action, if there actually was any. In an interview, Melissa says he tried to get fresh with her and she was grossed out. Back in the hot tub, Melissa tells Blue's Clues that his people have "dry-clean-only clothes" and "really nice SUVs," and that she's never been exposed to people like that. She thinks that in real life (as opposed to the fake life she is living now), he would never be "digging" her. She asks him if he's rich, and wants specific numbers, which is really, really rude. Melissa has clearly not learned the difference between "honest" and "rude." Blue's Clues asks why money matters, and says it should be about "what someone is." In an interview, Melissa says he's "very attractive" but she can't deal with "spoiled frat boys in Gucci shoes," even though, from what we've seen, he seems pretty nice and I don't know what his shoes have to do with it. Melissa tells him they should stop talking about it because he's getting "all grouchy."
Blue's Clues has now gotten out of the hot tub as well. Melissa gets a towel and then suddenly they are both inside, getting dressed. Blue's Clues still won't give up, and he whispers something in her ear, and she swats him. Blue's Clues makes a cell phone call and then asks if he can look at Jamie's pictures, which are sitting on the counter. He tries to get Melissa to come sit with him. Melissa asks him if he wants to "make out" because he asked her to sit by him. Blue's Clues says, "Do you?" Melissa says no, and he says, "Good." Melissa starts making fun of his slip-on loafers and calls him "fashion boy," which is fine talk from someone who is wearing a muumuu. Melissa doesn't like boys who dress prettier than her, which would be all of them. Blue's Clues is still hanging in there, and asks if he can walk Melissa up to her room, but she shoots him down, and says she wants him to call her so she can see if he's normal, whatever that means. He thanks her for being with him on his birthday, and gives her a hug which lifts her off the ground. Melissa practically pushes him out the door.
It's the day, and the roommates are getting ready to go to work. Kelley yells to Julie to hurry up. As they get into their vehicle, Jamie says that Julie takes the longest to get ready. They meet a bunch of people at NOA-TV, all of whom are identified, but I think that's just because the Real World crew identifies with the NOA crew and wants to give them props. If they become important to the season, I will identify them later. Phat Matt explains in an interview that Kelley is going to be the producer and Danny will be the technical director, which means that they will run the show. Danny is in the control room, getting instructions. Julie has headphones on and looks goofy. Jamie is running the camera. He says in an interview that he "gets a kick on adrenaline and sort of risk situations." I don't know how risky it is to put on a television show that probably ten people will watch, but whatever. They do a countdown to begin their "studio run-through," but they don't end the count silently like on Wayne's World. Kelley is on camera, welcoming everyone to "The Real Seven at seven on Saturday night on channel seventy-seven." That seems a little much. They went from The Real Big Easy to The Real Seven? I hope they didn't bust a blood vessel thinking that one up. Kelley, Phat Matt, David and Melissa are in front of the camera. No one told Phat Matt that it's a bad idea to wear busy patterns on television, but then again, I don't think he owns a shirt without a busy pattern. In an interview, Kelley says this is a "huge challenge" and she hopes to shine and "come out on top" because this means something to her. The show ends and we didn't even get to see any of it.
Melissa tells Jamie that she wants "love and sex," but then we see she is talking about tarot cards, as she shuffles them before a reading. Kelley is doing the reading, and she lays the cards out facing herself instead of facing Melissa, but I guess it really doesn't matter. Melissa asks if it says anything about "making love." Shut up, Melissa. Kelley consults her book and says that Melissa has someone in her life who is unlike her, and that it's "wrong to satisfy urges with someone opposite in nature." Melissa pops her eyes open really wide as Kelley continues by saying that even if she won his heart, it would be an empty victory. Melissa says it's a "true story." That would be a lot more convincing if Kelley didn't know everything that's going on in Melissa's life, because I've done tarot card readings, and often interpretations can vary widely.
Melissa says to Julie, "I got dumped." Julie asks what she means, and Melissa says Blue's Clues hasn't called in three days, so he must think she's not cool. After how nicely she treated him on his birthday, I can't imagine why he didn't phone her immediately for a repeat performance! Julie says she has the "upper hand" in the relationship, although I can't imagine why. Kelley says it's not being dumped if they've only had one date. Ah, Kelley is wise. Danny opines that she got dumped because she didn't give him a kiss on his birthday. Danny's a little scamp, isn't he? Melissa slumps, chin in hand, and repeats that she got dumped. In an interview, where she is once again wearing that ridiculous hat, Melissa says it's embarrassing, but that's what she gets for trying something new. I would suggest she try something else new -- it's called "being polite" or "not being annoying." Suddenly, Melissa and Jamie are alone in the kitchen. Melissa says that in Tampa, those kinds of guys would never talk to her, and would "snub their noses" at her. Jamie says if they both moved to a city "like San Francisco," that they might interact. Melissa is drinking orange juice through a straw, and she says that they wouldn't, just like she and Jamie would never interact. Jamie tells her she's biased, and Melissa agrees, and says the only reason Blue's Clues likes her is...but she gets drowned out by Jamie saying that they are similar people. Melissa disagrees and Jamie says she's "stereotyping a whole group of people." Not that Jamie is bitter from the casting special or anything. In an interview, Jamie says that Melissa has issues with "rich, white..." and could someone finish a sentence around here once in a while? Jamie asks Melissa about the two of them, and Melissa says she would never talk to him in real life. Jamie tells her she's arguing his point. In an interview, Jamie says his relationship with Melissa is that he's "the embodiment of everything she hates." I do think Melissa is being ridiculous, but it's just like how she won't date a black guy because she dated a few black guys who were shitty. She deals in stereotypes, but gets mad if anyone stereotypes her.
Melissa is calling Blue's Clues. He asks if she got his message, and says he's been out of town for three days. Yeah, like that's not the oldest trick in the book. Then he tells her he doesn't know about "this thing." Melissa says she has been "having a bad attitude about him." In an interview, Melissa says he's not attracted to her, but to the "glamour and glitz of our beautiful house." In other words, he wants to be on camera. She continues by saying that she's getting attention from people who wouldn't normally like her. Blue's Clues tells her that people ant to be around her and some are real and some are fake. Melissa tells him he probably wouldn't like her in a "regular setting." Why doesn't she let him decide that? In an interview, Melissa says that he has "Gucci shoes" and she's in "Target jeans." She is really fixated on his shoes, isn't she? And what's wrong with Target jeans? Blue's Clues says he hopes she's not saying goodbye forever. Suddenly the camera angle totally changes and it looks like a different day, but Melissa is wearing the same outfit, so I guess not. That was confusing. The phone conversation ends. In an interview, Melissa says she wants to be a prize and she deserves to be earned. That's true, but maybe she should stop looking for a man and just focus on becoming a better person in her own right.
Melissa goes into Julie and Kelley's room, and Danny is in there too. She tells them about her phone call. Danny tells her to let it go. Melissa says it's easier to move on, and that he was talking like he was dumping her, when the opposite was true. Throughout, we see shots of Julie, Kelley, and Danny obviously bored and wishing Melissa would just shut up already. Melissa says she needs a "listener" and "some substance." Danny suggests they all just go to bed, since Melissa won't shut up and take the hint that nobody cares.
week: Melissa and Kelley are both "sexually attracted" to Jamie. Julie likes Matt a lot. Kelley asks Jamie if he would be against kissing people in the house, while Melissa looks on.
Over the credits, Melissa is actually funny when she demonstrates how annoying she would be during sex, because she doesn't want her partner to sweat on her and she'd just be like, "Ew, get off, it's hot." I wish they would show more funny Melissa and less whiny Melissa, but they have to work with the footage she gives them.