A fast guitar riff of "wow, we're really moving along here!" plays. It is a lie. We see Saul, the roomies' lawyer, lumber across the street and plunk down with Flora and Delicious Delivery Mark, Sincere or Opportunistic? (tm sgib). Flora says about five times that she wants to open a coffee shop, in a few different shots. Yes, we remember. And shut up, Flora. She's "excited" about a location she saw for said coffee shop that's "all ready to go." Is it on Lollipop Lane? You know, in Fantasyland? With big puffy clouds all around? Whee, coffee shop! La la la! Flora is like, do you think we can get it? Saul sucks down some iced coffee and intones that he thinks so; all they need is the shareholder's agreement. Flora's face falls, and you know she knows she isn't getting what she wants. Oh, boo hoo. But let's watch for the half hour anyway.
A few neon signs and palm trees later (what, no Jet Skis?), we're back at the house. Flora clutches Leroy to her chest and asks Joe and Mike whether they're available to meet and mock her dreams some more. They slackly lie in bed. Flora says again that Delicious Deliveries is "not going to work," and that she wants to do a "full gourmet coffee shop." Really? Wow! If only you had said that before! Because I was under the impression that you were a total bitch! Flora explains about the location she looked at and that it would be perfect for a you-know-what, and Mike says in an interview that the thought of Flora handling "[their] money frightens [him]." Boo! Aah! I'm scared too. He goes on to say, "It's bad, very bad." Word, very word. Flora says that they can make "lots of money," and then we hear ABC's "(Tell Me) How to be a Millionaire," a song from the '80s, for god's sack. Give me "Shoot that Poison Arrow"; that's a good one. We zoom toward the house, and then wham, we're in a meeting with the Landon man. Flora is all, let's hurry this along, but Landon thinks that they should "analyze the new business from scratch." Sarah says that the reason they went with Delicious Deliveries in the first place was "to, you know, think small." Plus the fact that it was Mark's concept and business model and that they didn't have to do much work themselves. Landon says that they have to write a menu, price it out, and then cost it to get the total food cost margin. In seven days. Mark is like, "It sounds simple, but is complex." Oh, and he doesn't want to do it all by himself again. Flora flips her pen around and says, "It's going to happen because I want it to happen." Sarah cannot roll her eyes enough. No one else is at the meeting -- just those four. Flora? Give it up.
Dan is modeling. It's the "nerd chic" shoot. He was so ahead of his time, this photographer. Nerds are huge! Dan announces that he's moving to Italy. So much for the business! His flight leaves June 17. The first thing Dan said he thought of was, "How am I going to tell Johnny?" Oh, the Cuban Pat Smear! Sweet, sweet Johnny! You're going to cry in the airport and I am going to make fun of you. But you know I think you're cool.
Garbage plays, "(The Queerest of the) Queer" as we zoom up on a Men's Health Winnebago. I swear to god, it says that. There's a sign on the door that says "Young Men's Survey." Make your own joke for that one. Dan and Johnny enter, and Dan prepares to get an AIDS test, which normally would be a totally anonymous process, but since Dan has elephant balls, he decided to do it on camera. WOW. When I first got AIDS-tested, I was so freaking nervous. Dan rules. His results are negative, and he says to the guy, "You're a very nice man." Ah, sweet relief. The guy asks Dan whether he was worried. Here we go. Dan, the Drama Queen, plays up the moment to the hilt. He knots his fingers together and brings them to his lips, then fixes those huge baby blues on the testing guy and says, with feeling, "Yeah." Go Drama Queen! Get busy! Go Drama Queen! You're negative! Go! Go! Go! Go! Then he busts out the voice-over to say that getting AIDS-tested has become "a rite of passage" with young gay men and that "you have to -- you have to -- because there are so many people dying." Huge word to that, and good for you Dan, for being responsible and open and doing it on camera. It's almost as good as a threesome. Almost. Hugs all around.
Mark, Sarah, and Flora are sprawled out on the beds in Sarah's room. A slumber party with a tickle fight? God, no. Mark is saying that he doesn't want to do the coffee shop, and that he was into Delicious Deliveries because it was his idea. Flora sighs and groans, and says she does not want a restaurant, but she wants a coffee shop. Again. We. KNOW. Flora somehow says that it can be a coffee shop with delivery and that Mark contributed more than some of the shareholders did, and that she wants him to be a part of it. Whatever. Sarah thinks that Mark will stick it out for the few days. We see Mark leave the house and hear him say, "I can't believe I'm going to waffle again." Hee.
Dan and Johnny, sitting in a monorail. They're going to watch the sunset. Dan breaks the news about moving to Italy like this: "I need to go to the bookstore to get a book on how to speak Italian. 'Cause that's where I'm going." Bad boyfriend! Bad!
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