Previously on the Challenge: The kids water-skied behind a blimp, and the Real World team won $20,000. Syrrhosis was happy. Christian was sad. In an interview that we've never seen before, which I should be used to by now, but I'm still not, Rebecca claims that she thought James was a "beefcake" and "not really [her] scene." Which means that they will be hooking up tonight.
After the fiery credits, we're at some sort of harbor. Julie, on her team's bus, is screaming and yelling for no apparent reason. Rebecca puts a CD in the CD player. If this were really "extreme," wouldn't their challenges arrive on like a DVD or something? Or a Palm Pilot? Or a two-way pager like Carson Daly uses? I guess both teams are on the same bus, listening to Melissa from New Orleans tell them not to "get trapped" or they'll be "swimming with the fishes." Dan reads a letter telling them to go to Boothbay Harbor and to wear their bathing suits under their clothes. Rebecca thinks they'll be going fishing. Why would they need to wear bathing suits to go fishing?
We see the shot from last week's promo of Kameelah telling James that she thinks lots of women find him attractive. In an interview, James says that he's not really a "ladies' man," and somewhere in the bayou, Theo breathes a sigh of relief. Dan offers up that women probably think James has tons of women approaching him, so they are too intimidated to approach him. Could they be stroking his ego anymore? Dan suggests that James try approaching women. James is surrounded by Kameelah, Michelle, Rebecca, and Dan -- it's like a coffee klatch.
Later (which we know because Kameelah is suddenly gone and Dan has moved over), Rebecca tells James to talk to her like he does when he tries to pick up women at bars. James, who has his napkin tucked into his shirt collar like a four-year-old, takes a drink and then looks around and doesn't talk to Rebecca at all. Finally, he offers, "Do you like pork plates?" Hey, it worked on Theo. It definitely wouldn't work on Amaya though -- it's against her religious beliefs. We get the point -- James doesn't know how to pick up chicks. In an interview, Rebecca says that James is "young" and "inexperienced." James protests that this is "so hard," and that it's "like trying to thread six needles in under ten seconds." Where did he come up with that analogy? Pointless shot of Michelle laughing. Pointless shot of Dan laughing. Rebecca tells James that he needs to "step up to the plate." James says he is stepping up to the plate, but Rebecca wants him to "charge the mound." Okay, that was kind of funny. I don't think he meant it to have a double meaning though.
Rebecca is talking to Michelle on a bus. Rebecca claims that she thinks she knows what she wants in a relationship. In an interview, Rebecca says that she's been unhappy in relationships for too long. Rebecca tells Michelle that she doesn't want a relationship that makes her less happy -- she wants someone who makes her shine brighter. She likens one kind of relationship to someone blowing on a flame, making it flicker, and the other to lighter fluid, which makes the light explode. Wow. She's deep. She must be like a songwriter or something. Look out Jewel -- here comes Rebecca!
Julie and James go on a Ferris Wheel at some amusement park that just appeared out of nowhere for this scene. In an interview, James says that he's had a long-distance relationship, but now he wants a girlfriend that he sees every day. James tells Julie that relationships involve a lot of risk, and sometimes they work out, and sometimes they don't. Whoa. He should hook up with Rebecca. They are both deep thinkers. Julie just smiles at him, probably thinking -- "He's Catholic. Matt's Catholic. I could easily transfer my crush to him." They get off the Ferris Wheel even though we never actually saw the ride moving at all.
After we see like the tenth shot this week of the sign for the motel where they are parking the buses, Rebecca and James are watching rugby on the television. They have cable in the buses? Awesome! My boyfriend J-Dawg watches rugby on television all the time and he has no idea how the game works. He's fascinated by it, though. And I'm always like, "Isn't Room by Room on or something?" Anyway, in an interview, Rebecca says that James is "cute" and that they've been spending a lot of time together. In his own interview, James says that Rebecca is interesting, and cute. Behind the cameras, the producers do back handsprings.
The teams arrive in Boothbay. There are huge crowds, screaming for them. No, really. There are. I don't get it either. Some guy in an orange rain hat and coveralls introduces them, and then introduces himself as Andrew. This guy, Andrew, welcomes everyone to the Fishermen's Games, and says that the winner of this contest gets $10,000. The contest will be picking and eating lobster. Well, doesn't that beat a sharp stick in the eye? In an interview, Rebecca informs us that her team will win because lobster is her favorite food in the world. I don't think they'll get to like, savor it with drawn butter or anything, but I could be wrong.
For round two, the teams move over to some crates (which I later find out are lobster traps) which are tied together and floating in the water like a walkway. Andrew explains that they have to put on a coat and hat, and "hook the fish on [their] wrists." In an interview, James explains that they have to carry the fish across and back, as one leg of a relay race. Andrew explains that they can't swim if they fall, they have to get right back on the crates where they fell off. I really wish they could just let one person explain the rules instead of cutting back and forth with the repetition and the editing. It makes me dizzy.
In an interview, Rebecca says that she wants to go first because she thinks it will be cake. Ayanna says, in an interview, that she knows that she has to be "light on [her] feet as if [she was] Bruce Lee." Man, Ayanna has a slammin' body. I'm just saying. Rebecca and Ayanna start out. Ayanna does really well. Rebecca, not so much, as she falls off about halfway across. Ayanna gets back and passes off to Michelle. Rebecca is still floundering in the water. In an interview, James says that Rebecca is a "very sweet girl," but she "plays hard." I don't see it -- she still hasn't gotten back up on the lobster traps. Michelle takes off and falls about halfway down, just like Rebecca did. In an interview, Michelle explains that once she was in the water, she was screwed because she has "no upper body strength." Rebecca makes it to the halfway point, and turns around to come back, but she falls again. In an interview, Dan says that Rebecca is the person who "supposedly knows how to do this." I love bitchy Dan. Rebecca finally makes it back, but she totally pulled herself through the water instead of getting up on the lobster traps, which we were told was illegal. Rebecca passes off to Jamie. Michelle may or may not have made it back at the same time as Rebecca. It's hard to say.
Jamie takes off running and I would seriously give a lot of money to someone if he would fall flat on his face. But he doesn't. He even does a little strut at the halfway point. I hate him. Emily is going for the Road Rules team. As she runs out, you can see someone falling on the Real World side, but the way this is edited, you have no idea who it is, or which team is really ahead. Jamie has passed off to Dan, who takes a vicious spill on the way back. Ouch. Emily passed off to Christian who apparently made it back and forth without mishap, although he doesn't get a victory strut like Jamie did. Christian passes off to James. Dan is pulling himself on top of the lobster traps on his stomach, which again, Andrew told us was illegal. I guess if you're losing, anything is legal. James does a Dan on the way back, pulling himself on his stomach. Kameelah goes for the RW team, but her hat fell off at some point. She falls into the water. Laterrian takes off for team Road Rules. Kameelah struggles to pull herself up onto the dock. Laterrian does the stomach pull thing, which I'm still going to remind everyone, is supposed to be illegal. Julie takes off for her team. We can see as Julie runs down that Laterrian is at the halfway point. The problem is that Laterrian is the last one on his team, and the RW team still has to have Syrrhosis go. If Julie makes it back quickly, that is. Laterrian falls off, and his team thinks he is caught on a trap. He swims to the traps, again illegal. Julie falls again as well. James looks all pissed off, even though his team pretty much has this thing won. Laterrian pulls himself up on the dock and you can see his butt. Well, you can. Julie screams and yells, and I don't know why she doesn't just hang it up -- they still have a whole other person to go.
Laterrian finally gets onto the dock and the RR team celebrates. They're all clapping Laterrian on the stomach and chest as he lays on the ground, and he tells them to stop. In an interview, Michelle tells us that Laterrian "had the wind knocked out of him," and they had to call the paramedics. The paramedics arrive and tell Laterrian that he has bruises on his chest, and then hook him up to an oxygen tank. In an interview, Emily tells us that she thinks Laterrian "sucked down some water." Why don't they let Kameelah look at him? She's the wannabe doctor. Everyone else seems to have a medical opinion, anyway. Laterrian finally gets up, and then we get to see him throwing up water. Nice. Maybe he was just spitting, but it sure looked like he was throwing up. In an interview, Laterrian says he's "not a great swimmer" and he got "dehydrated and puked," and he feels like a little [bleep] being taken care of like that. Did he get dehydrated? Really? I'm no doctor. What do I know? Laterrian comes out of the ambulance, looking much better.
Andrew announces that the RR team has won that event, and now leads the competition overall with 81 points to the RW team's 58. Andrew says that there is one last event out on the bay, and they all have to get on the boat.
Andrew says that this is the last event, and it's worth 45 points, and it's called "the Greasy Pole." I know there's a joke there, but I'm not getting it. Post yours in the forums, would you? In an interview, Michelle explains that this event is a "flag relay" where you have to "scoot down this Crisco'd pole" and put a flag in a hole quickly. We cut back to Andrew for no reason except maybe to see that the boom mike is totally in the show, and Kameelah is suddenly wearing jeans. In an interview, James explains that this is a "winner take all" event. For those of you who couldn't do the math. Oh, James also reminds us that this competition is for $10,000, in case you just tuned in. Have I mentioned the repetition and how much I hate it? Have I mentioned the repetition and how much I hate it? Plus, they didn't even explain it right. The first person plants a flag, and the second person takes the flag out. Repeat until all team members have gone. If you fall off, you have to start over.
First up is James for RR and Syrrhosis for RW. They have to straddle this log, which is suspended above the water, and not slide off. The flag goes at the far end. Then they try to slide back. Without falling off. I guess they learned from the last event not to try to make rules about what happens if you fall off, because we didn't hear any. Syrrhosis immediately flips around so that he is hanging from the underside of the pole. James gets the flag in the hole and falls off. I guess they don't need to come back. In an interview, Syrrhosis explains that since he needed both hands to hang onto the pole, he couldn't take one off to plant the flag. We see Syrrhosis fall into the water. Then we see an instant replay. The pole actually bends like a diving board under Syrrhosis' weight. Puffy man make big splash. Emichelle (with their hair tied back, I can't tell which is which) goes for RR, and grabs the flag that James planted. We see Syrrhosis facing the pole, and the words "Second Attempt" on the bottom of the screen. This time Syrrhosis makes it.
It's Christian's turn on the RR team. He almost falls, but manages to hang on -- but then he falls anyway. I would too -- you just get to start over and unless they regrease the pole in between tries, you'd think the second time would be easier because you've already wiped most of the grease off. They actually show an instant replay of Christian falling into the water, like how desperate are they for footage this week? Jamie goes for the RW team and grabs the flag with no problem. The score is tied 2-2. Christian is on his second attempt, and he makes it, putting his team ahead 3-2. Julie is up , and I'm sure that someone will make a comment about how easily she clenches the flag in her teeth, but it won't be me. Or will it? In an interview, Julie makes the obvious "greased up and working it on a pole" joke, like we get it! You're a virgin! Enough! Julie plants her flag, tying the score at 3-3. Emichelle Two grabs her flag, putting her team ahead 4-3. Rebecca grabs her flag, tying the score at 4-4. Now it's Ayanna versus Kameelah. Nearly all the grease is off the poles at this point. I'm sure it's still plenty slippery, but not nearly as difficult as it was for the people who went first. Kameelah plants her flag first, putting the RW team in the lead for the first time, at 5-4. Ayanna plants her flag to tie it 5-5.
Now it's Dan versus Laterrian for the win. Okay, I have to say it. With Dan's experience with greased poles, the Real World team is a lock. Sorry. Andrew reminds them that they have to put the flags in the crates. The what? Every time I think that I have this game figured out, they throw another rule in there. I was right though -- Dan makes it to the end first. Oh, I see. They have to swim back and plant the flag in a crate on the dock. Is it too much to ask that they actually explain the rules before the game starts? It's not that complicated. I thought the RW team had it won when Dan reached the flag first, and I couldn't figure out why they kept showing it. Anyway, the RW team wins and screams and hugs and jumps. Christian pats Laterrian on the shoulder and says, "Great job." In an interview, Syrrhosis says that he didn't want to have any mercy on Road Rules, and that he wanted to be the one to "twist the dagger." Whatever, Syrrhosis. Go drink a beer. James talks to himself on a boat somewhere. Laterrian looks sad. The scoreboard shows that the RW team won 103-81.
Andrew presents the RW team with their check, bringing their grand total to $30,000. He announces that the MVP is Kameelah. Who? Why? Julie voice-overs that Kameelah deserves the MVP because she stuffed her face with lobster, and she beat Ayanna on the pole. What about Dan? He beat Laterrian. I don't understand. Kameelah gets to spin the Wheel of Corporate Sponsorship. She wins a "digital camera package," which is pretty cool, I guess. She doesn't sound too excited about it.
James looks out on the water, and looks sad. Rebecca comes up and tells him he did well that day. In an interview, Rebecca says that she knows how James hates to lose. Yeah, you and everyone who watched the most recent season of Road Rules. Rebecca tells James that he'll get to spin the wheel some day. James says it's not about the wheel or the money -- it's about "coming up short" in front of all those people. In an interview, Rebecca says that James is "really honest" and she finds that "endearing." Aw, just do it already! In an interview, James says that he can learn a lot from Rebecca because she's older. How much older is she, really? I'm going to find out. Hold on. Okay, according to his casting special, James was twenty, and that aired in spring of 2000. When they filmed this business, in summer of 2000, he was probably twenty or twenty-one. I don't know how old Rebecca was on her season (which aired in 1998), but I know she was still in college, so let's say that she was probably a maximum of twenty-one. That would make her about maybe twenty-three, or at most three years older than him. Hardly Mrs. Robinson material.
Anyway, Rebecca suggests that James make the girls in the crowd happy by giving them his shirt. James refuses and mock-threatens to toss Rebecca in the water, while she giggles. Oh, the mating dance.
Dan and James are talking on a bus. There's a lot of fraternization between the teams this season. Dan asks James, "If you could get something from anyone on this trip, who would it be?" Get something? Oh, dear God. James says it's not fair because he can't ask the question back. Dan points out that he could ask it. James looks nervous. He hems and haws and finally answers that it would be Rebecca. Dan says that Rebecca is "truly beautiful" and "smart" and "weird, like in a good way." What is he, her pimp? You know she totally put him up to that.
The buses head into Canada. Isn't this episode over yet? James comes onto the RW bus, dressed in a sweater and slacks. Kameelah asks him why he's so dressed up. Jamie appears in his kilt, looking like a tool. James has come to pick up Rebecca to go for a walk. They walk. Rebecca tries to teach James some French to talk to the locals. I guess they're in Quebec. In an interview, James says that Rebecca has the best eyes he's ever seen. Rebecca convinces James to say, "Je suis un chien" to some random lady. Anyone who's taken a beginning French class knows that chien means dog. James walks up to the lady and says it, and the subtitles tell us what he really said. Rebecca laughs hysterically. The woman answers him in English. James leaves her by saying, "Adios!" In an interview, Rebecca says that James is funny, and she finds humor very attractive. James asks Rebecca what he said, and she tells him.
Now they are throwing a rugby ball around in the parking lot. James teaches Rebecca how to throw it. In an interview, James says that he and Rebecca are physically attracted to each other and that Rebecca thinks he's "a cutie."
Suddenly, they are in a city somewhere, walking down the street. They stop and talk while sitting on some swings. Seriously, this is almost over, right? James says that he would rather have five girlfriends who better him in some way than seventy-five girlfriends who only last for three months. Rebecca agrees. In an interview, Rebecca says that she rarely sees such honesty in someone James's age. He's not that much younger than her! I thought we established that. They run into some of their teammates, including a very drunk Dan. James gets all mad that they yelled to Rebecca and not him. Dan asks Rebecca what's going on, and Rebecca says that James told her she was a Goody Two-Shoes. Dan thinks that's James's way of saying he wants to date her. Dan thinks James is cute, and he wishes James would teach him to play rugby. IN fact, if James did that, Dan would "wet [his] pants." Hey, his words.
James and Rebecca on the bus. James has his head on Rebecca's lap while she plays with his hair. Oh, the "playing with hair" thing. That has worked for me before. Guys love it. Or it puts them to sleep. One or the other. Anyway, in an interview, James says that he doesn't know what the five weeks will hold for them. And the episode is finally over, like twenty minutes after the last competition ended.
week: More James and Rebecca. The teams compete in some sort of joke-telling competition, which Dan says will be "a bloodbath."