Previously on the Challenge: The editors introduced us all to the letterbox bars filled with flames (hereafter known as the Bars Del Fuego -- I know it's probably not proper Spanish, but that's part of the appeal). Ramona from Survivor was the Mission Mayor. The kids had to bungee jump from a crane into a Ring of Fire on a lake. Someone emailed me and told me to stop ripping on Detroit, so I'll just say that it looked like Cleveland. (Cleveland-ites -- kidding!) The Real World won that heat (geddit? Heat?) and got to sleep on a yacht that night, while the Road Rules team had to eat military MREs and camp out on the island. The day, the teams had to traverse a rope course while holding water balloons, and their opponents got to try to knock them out with a slingshot and water-soaked balls. Just as they ended the episode, Syrrhosis was hanging horizontally, about to take a big digger. Will he live to see another bottle of Bud?
The episode picks up where the last left off, but Syrrhosis somehow manages to make it to the end of the rope, all the while yelling out, "Keep with me, Jamie!" Jamie was on the ground, serving as his ballast. I half-expected Jamie to go flying into the air, because I'm sure Syrrhosis weighs more than Jamie does. In an interview, Syrrhosis picks his cuticles and says that he's "not going to sleep on the island, in the rain." Ramona makes to count Syrrhosis's balloons, and she sees three. Julie claims there are four, pointing out "this little guy." Syrrhosis says, "That's no balloon -- my harness is too tight!" Sorry, I couldn't resist. The RR team protests. Ayanna takes the initiative to try to break the tension by telling the RW team that they did a good job. Unless she was being sarcastic. I don’t think she was, though. Somehow, this whole dispute gets resolved, although we never see it happening. Either the RW team just stopped arguing about it, or someone stepped in and made a judgment call on it. The RW team leads now, 8-7. Dan comments that they "slid down the evolutionary scale a little bit with that." What? What does that even mean?
Julie is up . She claims that her team will be spending another night on the yacht. While walking across the rope, Julie taunts the RR team, who are trying to peg her with the balls from the slingshot -- and they do. Ha! After she finishes, the RW team leads 12-7.
Emily gives Christian a little pep talk, telling him that if he can get his balloons across, their team will take the lead. On the ground, Julie jokes about her taunting the opponents and then getting hit in the face. At least she can admit it, I guess. Christian starts across, but two of his balloons slide from his shoulder down his arm and perch there precariously. When he gets about halfway across, the dangling balloons give up the ghost and break. In an interview, Christian says that after that competition, his self-esteem was "pretty low." Aw, don't be sad, Christian! We still love you. The RW team still has the lead, 12-9.
Julie tries to psych up her team, while Christian can't believe how many balloons he lost. In an interview, James says that "things are not going well," and they need to "come up and go big." Sometimes I think James just puts words together whether they form a sentence or not.
It's time for the last event of this heat. Laterrian explains that it's a vertical rope course: two people have to climb up through a series of tires and ropes while carrying water balloons and facing a barrage of water-soaked balls from their opponents, as in the event. First up are Laterrian and Ayanna. In an interview, Rebecca says that Laterrian had "eighteen billion balloons on him," and she hoped someone would knock them off, and then Ayanna went up with "fifteen billion also." I am as guilty as anyone of using hyperbole to make a point, but "fifteen billion"? At least she didn't say "bazillion." Laterrian is the first up the ropes, and Ayanna trails behind. Apparently, she's supposed to be creating tension in the ropes, but I never took physics and I've never gone rock climbing, so I don't really understand the principles involved here. I just know that Laterrian keeps yelling, "Tension!" (or maybe that was one of the producers with some wishful thinking) and Ayanna says that she can't. In an interview, Ayanna says she can "go light in the touch," because she watches "a lot of kung-fu flicks." Again, what does that even mean? What do kung-fu movies have to do with climbing ropes? And how do both of them relate to touch? I'm so confused. Laterrian grabs some of the balloons from Ayanna, and then helps her up to the top of the course. The RR team leads 17-12. On the ground, Emily cheers and, in a show of good sportsmanship, Dan cheers too.
The RR team discusses how they have to do their best to hit the RW team's balloons in order to win. Emily says that they have to stop complaining and get the job done. I knew I liked her for a reason. In an interview, Emily tells us that Christian has the best aim with the slingshot, and that she wants him to "nail them. Get them! Get them good!" Jamie and Kameelah will be climbing for the RW team. Balloons are just falling from Jamie every step of the way. Kameelah keeps getting nailed with balls from the slingshot that break her water balloons. Kameelah voice-overs that "Christian has this aim that is unbelievable," and he does appear to be quite the sharpshooter. Maybe that's a Norwegian thing. The final tally reveals that the RR team wins the heat 17-16. Various members of the RW team lament that they lost by only one point, but no one brings up Syrrhosis's disputed balloon from earlier, which means it must not have been a big deal. Ramona announces the winner, and that the RR team leads overall 50-25. The RR team doesn't really celebrate, and both teams shake hands before the RR team heads off to the yacht. In an interview, James says that there are "a lot of bitter feelings" between the teams, so they didn't want to "cheer too loud [sic]," but inside he was psyched about the yacht.
The RR team dines in style on the yacht, and even does a little toast. Christian and Laterrian simultaneously kiss Ayanna. More toasts. The Bars Del Fuego have mysteriously disappeared, I notice. In an interview, Christian says that "strange things happen to people when the winner takes it all, and the losers are put down in the mud." Cut to the RW team gathered around a fire. Syrrhosis sips a Bud (no, seriously) while saying that his "toes are frozen." I wonder if that's a side effect of the puffiness? Dan tries to look on the bright side of things, saying that they could make a fort and camp out like when they were kids. Kameelah grouses that she never camped out. Kameelah climbs into one of the makeshift tents, but I'm not sure who is already in there. Dan and Julie stay out by the campfire and talk. Dan asks about Julie's future plans, and she says that she will only be stopping by Wisconsin to pick up her things, because her parents have told her that she can't live with them because she's a bad influence on her younger siblings. Aw. I know that I complain about Julie bitching about the whole BYU fallout, but no one deserves to be told by their parents that they're a "bad influence," particularly someone who has done as little wrong as Julie. I mean, it's not like she's a crack whore. That's just sad. Julie plays it off by saying that she shouldn't be living at home at twenty-one anyway. She is also speaking with an accent for some reason. Julie voice-overs that her getting kicked out of BYU would bring disgrace upon her family. Okay, I'm over my sympathy. It's not entirely Julie's fault -- I'm sure she was asked a lot of questions about BYU and that's why she was talking about it all the time. Still. Enough.
The morning, Ramona calls them all over to the pier and announces that the scores don't really matter because today's challenge is worth seventy-five points. She reminds them that the winning team gets $20,000. Each team has to pick its best female and male water-skiiers. Julie claims that she has skiied "three or four times." In an interview, Kameelah explains that her team picked Jamie and Julie.
Over on the RR side, Emily tells Christian that he is "a stud on [the] island, a stud on the water," and he hugs her. In an interview, Laterrian explains that Emily and Christian will represent their team. Ramona tells them that they will get some training runs.
Emily, Jamie, and Christian all appear to be doing well behind the boat. Julie says she's "a complete virgin to wakeboarding." She falls many times. Christian boards by her and waves. Hee! In an interview, Emily explains that they were playing some mind games. Julie falls some more. And some more. She tries to use water-skis instead of the wakeboard, but doesn't have much luck with that either. She explains that she had very little confidence. Gee, do you think Julie will make a miraculous comeback and win the mission for her team? It's hard to say. Emily expresses confidence to her team while Jamie downplays Julie's struggles to his own. In an interview, Emily says that Jamie and Julie "seemed a little nervous." Rebecca tells Julie that she's willing to take over.
Ramona tells them that there is a slalom course on the water, and that the times will be combined. Whichever team has the fastest time wins. Ayanna keeps asking if there is something more to the contest, like maybe the producers were poking her with a stick or something. After more egging from the cast, Ramona reveals that a boat won't pull the skiers (or boarders) -- the Monster.com blimp will pull them. The blimp coincidentally (ha!) flies out from behind a patch of trees at that moment, as if it were the shark from Jaws, just waiting to strike. It would've been funny if someone had looked at Syrrhosis and said, "I think we're going to need a bigger blimp." I would've laughed, anyway. The kids start freaking out like they've never seen a blimp before. Kameelah, who will be standing on the sidelines, screams and flaps her hands around. What? Why are they so excited? Did the "applause" sign just light up or something? That is the most inauthentic reaction I've seen on this show, and that's saying something. James grabs his chest as if he's having a heart attack. Come on, now. In an interview, Julie says that "any lingering confidence [she] had disappeared when [she] saw the blimp," and that there's no way she can pull this off. If I didn't know any better, I would think the editors are setting us up for a Julie triumph. Oh wait, that's exactly what they're doing. Ho-hum.
After some more commercials for a certain online job-hunting site (both the paid and product-placement kind), Christian tells those of you just tuning in that they have to water-ski behind a blimp, and he's probably the first Norwegian to do so. The RW team huddles up. In an interview, Syrrhosis tells us that he saw Julie crying and he told himself to forget about the loot. Syrrhosis gives Julie some encouragement while Jamie yawns. I feel you, brother. In an interview, Julie sets up her eventual triumph some more. Ramona introduces Terry, who the on-screen text identifies as "Blimp Crew." Is he the entire crew? I wouldn't think a blimp would have the thrust to pull someone out of the water. I can imagine it could pull them once they were up, but in my experience the getting out of the water part is the most difficult part. Terry's big advice to the skiers is to "let go" if something goes wrong. You may laugh, but the first time I went water-skiing (behind a boat, not a blimp), I forgot that crucial piece of advice, and I got so much water up my nose I think my brain is still floating in Keuka Lake remnants. And that was about twenty years ago.
Emily goes first. Ramona rides alongside in a boat, timing them. Emily explains the deal again, but you all know the deal. Emily hits a big wave and squats down to get her balance. Michelle claims that Emily "almost bit it." Emily ends up with a time of 52.15 seconds. How much control do they have over their time, really? How fast can a blimp go? This all seems so arbitrary. Jamie is up , and it's smooth sailing for Extreme Sports Boy -- he gets a time of 48.13 seconds.
Christian is up , and he's smiling and motioning for the blimp to go faster. There are about ten different modes of transportation visible at one point -- the blimp, a helicopter, a couple of boats, some jet-skis. Bunim-Murray -- contributing to the pollution of our water and airways. Christian clocks in at 47.06 seconds, meaning that Julie has to get a score of 51.08 or lower. They don't tell us this, but I figured it out on my calculator. You're welcome. Ramona does the math on a little pad and paper and claims that "Road Rules might be pulling this one out."
Julie hops into the water and tells us that the rope slipped out of her hand twice before she even got up. Jamie offers her some last-minute advice. Julie's final time is 49.36 seconds, which means that her team wins. None of them can do the math, apparently, because they wait for Ramona's announcement. Dan tells Julie that no matter what, her accomplishment was the best. Aw, Dan. He's so supportive. When they're winning. Ramona announces that the RW team wins. In an interview, Syrrhosis claims that "Julie rocked." Dan gives Julie a big hug as the RR team looks disappointed. Christian seconds that emotion in an interview. James, in an interview, says that RR was trying to "take the first competition" and "set the tone." Unlike all of the other competitions, I guess where they won't give a rat's ass. The RW team gets their pictures taken with a big check.
Two buses are parked in a parking lot -- one for each team. Each one is covered in pictures of the team members, which is so embarrassing. Can you imagine driving down the highway in that thing? The team members exclaim over their lush mode of travel. Michelle says that they are "spoiled." James yells out to no one in particular that "this is a lot better than the Winnie, dog." He tries to repeat it to Christian, who wants nothing to do with him. iBook product placements abound.
After the teams check out their new homes, Ramona calls them outside. She introduces them to the "Wheel of Good Stuff," a big...well, wheel that will be spun after every challenge. An MVP of the challenge will be selected, and he or she wins whatever comes up. There is no explanation of how this person will be selected, so I'm guessing it's just random until everyone wins at least once. James starts hopping up and down like a bunny. Dude! Take. Your. Ritalin. The first MVP is, of course, Julie. Everyone cheers. She spins the wheel and wins "a bunch of Jeep stuff." At first, I thought that she won an actual Jeep, which would have been a bonus. Ramona bids everyone adieu.
The buses hit the highway. Julie and Rebecca have a heart-to-heart in the bus. Julie explains that she thought college would be an opportunity to expand her surroundings, but it wasn't, and her parents don't understand. Rebecca counsels her that she needs to leave the nest. Julie wonders why she can't be happy with what she's been given, and that she feels lazy because she doesn't want to work to find what makes her happy. We've heard all this before.
Julie talks to her mother via cell phone. In an interview, Julie explains that BYU has suspended her for a year. Whatever. You all know what happened. They spend about five minutes on Julie talking to her mom about it, squatting on the ground, pulling her hair out of her face and badmouthing BYU.
week: Kameelah tells James that he's attractive. James says that girls don't approach him. The teams have to carry fish on some boards on the water, and Laterrian gets knocked on his ass, requiring oxygen.