This episode is going to be all about dating and relating, because the "previously"s are full of shots of Pedro meeting Sean, Judd discussing his dating frustrations, and Puck and Rachel flirting.
Credits. Someone in the forums clued me in that it's Mo's laugh in the credits, which is so sad because I really did like him, but now he must die.
Establishing shots of San Francisco. I bet y'all didn't know that's where the Golden Gate bridge is.
In a confessional, Judd tells us that he and Rachel have been flirting a lot. Um, in your head, maybe, but I certainly haven't seen it. I get the feeling that a lot of reality for Dudd occurs in his head. Then we get a shot of Rachel holding her shirt out of the way and Judd starting to draw above her left breast. Rachel's voice-over says it's a fake tattoo of a rose. Judd says, "It wasn't coming out too well because to get my hand in there properly I basically would have had to cop a feel and I wasn't ready to do that. Yet." If I needed any more evidence that Dudd is a loathsome little suck, it's right there. You notice that he didn't say that wasn't feeling her up because SHE might not be interested or whatnot but rather that HE "wasn't ready to do that."
Rachel is roaming the house looking for Puck. She finds him in the blue room dressed as a nun. Puck introduces himself as "Sister Puck Prudence." And thus endeth the first and last time that "prudence" is used anywhere in conjunction with Puck's name. Rachel displays some more bad judgment when, in an interview, she says, "Puck is the sweetest guy. So sweet. He's, like, the nicest guy," over footage of them flirting. And then suddenly Rachel's wearing a big black wig and Judd is wearing glasses an inch thick. Is this Halloween? Huh? "Puck and Rachel, what is going on there? What the hell is going on? It's just nauseating, already," says Dudd in a confessional. I agree but I'm sure that my opinion is more pure than Dudd's jealousy. Of course Dudd has an answer to his question, because in an interview he says, "I just think maybe Rachel hasn't been exposed to someone like Puck. 'Exposed' being the optimum [sic] word. Like a virus." Oh, all right. Heh. Dudd is obviously interested in Rachel, or at least that's what the producers want us to believe, because when she and Puck are reading the personals at the dining room table, he comes up behind her and starts an impromptu shoulder rub. Puck and Rachel leave the house and Dudd casts a stink-eye in the general direction of...we're not sure what, because the whole frame is taken up by his giant head, but I'm darn sure we're supposed to think it's Rachel and Puck.
Bikes. Millions and millions of bikes. Puck and Rachel are at Critical Mass, which is a huge gathering of people who bike through the city the last Friday of every month and snarl up traffic. Later, at dinner, Puck and Rachel are telling a story about the evening and the Cory voice-over likens their relationship to When Harry met Sally... I only mention this now to save myself having to repeat it the other thirty thousand times Cory brings it up.
Hey, we haven't had any controversy with the gay guy in a while. At least I'm sure that's what the producers are thinking. Why ELSE would they cast a conservative Republican and a gay guy living with AIDS in the same house? Puck and Rachel are talking on the video phone to Rachel's brother, and Pedro is in his bedroom close by as the Pedro voice-over narrates for us. Puck and Rachel were making gay jokes and Pedro says that it was Puck who started it. Puck says, "If you're coming down here, there's a lot of gay guys in town and the girls are hurting for good dates." Which probably every straight girl in San Francisco has lamented at one time or another. But then Rachel crosses the line saying, "What do you call a bouncer at a gay bar? A flame-thrower." Puck and Rachel high-five as Pedro forlornly looks out the window. In an interview Pedro says that "they probably don't see anything wrong with it." The sad thing is that he's probably right. ["I have to say, I've heard more cutting gay jokes told by gay people, in my day." -- Wing Chun]
Cut to Pedro and Sean on on a date discussing what they're going to do on their month anniversary But that's not the point here because we don't hear any more about it. Apparently there's going to be some drama, since Pedro is planning to go back to Miami after the show and there is "no way" that Sean can go with him. Cut to Pedro walking down the street discussing the situation with Pam, who is in that hiddy white, crocheted top she was wearing boating in last week's episode. Pam asks Pedro if he's falling in love, and he says that he is. Poor Pedro. I know exactly what he's going through. There was a period in my life where every time I met a guy it seemed that he was leaving town, or I was, and I know how hard it is to fall for someone when your relationship already has an expiration date stamped on it.
The intercom in the kitchen buzzes and Puck answers it. It's Rachel who wants him to guess who called her. The answer is "Harlow," whoever he is. Luckily, Puck is here to tell us: "Harlow is some dorky guy that Rachel dorked and gave her number to." Why, thank you, Mr. Explainypants. That's so clear. Luckily, Rachel gives us a more coherent explanation which is that she and Cory were in a coffee shop and Rachel spied a guy she found attractive She wrote her number on a napkin to give to him but at the last second chickened out and just dropped in on the floor." In an interview, Puck simpers in falsetto, "Oh here's my number heeheeheehee." Whenever you cause a guy to mock you in a falsetto voice, you know that whatever you did has wounded him pretty badly, so at this point I would say that Puck is indeed jealous of Rachel. Rachel wonders what she's going to say to Harlow but goes to dial the phone. In an interview, Puck says, "The right guy for Rachel? He don't [sic] exist. Rachel wants a nice fluffy guy that's going to care about taking showers and stuff...it's just not me." But apparently it's Sean from the Boston cast. Although you wonder if she ever would have married him if he hadn't knocked her up. Maybe that "glue" that keeps families like hers together (as she described in a episode) is a shotgun wedding.
Dudd and Francis are kissing. Please make it stop. I feel really sick.
Rachel has locked herself in a room somewhere. In the confessional room? I thought there weren't any doors allowed in the Real World houses. Heather is begging her to open the door, but Rachel tells Heather to leave her be because she's very upset at Heather. Heather whines that she "just want[s] to go out now," and Rachel snaps, "Well, just go. Just freakin' go." So she does.
The shot is of Rachel in the living room throwing a tantrum in Cory's direction because Heather went out without her. Never mind that that's what Rachel told her to do. My god, how much do these two deserve each other as friends? Rachel paints herself as the martyr because Heather and Puck spent the whole day together, while Rachel was at work (work?) and she didn't say "a word." Cory opines, "It's like When Harry Met Sally... It totally is." Rachel, head in her hands, says, "Please. I'm not attracted to Puck." Of course not. That's why you're so pissed that Heather went out with him.
Dudd and Frances are canoodling in Dudd's room. ENOUGH ALREADY. But no, then we see two sets of feet under the curtain that constitutes the bathroom door. The lights go out and I curse God for my active imagination. Sometime later, Cory passes the curtain and runs into Puck coming down the hall in the opposite direction. She warns him not to go in there because there's a chair right behind the curtain since "someone wanted privacy." Puck sticks his head around the curtain, making Cory the tactful one for once as he asks who is inside. A male voice mumbles something and Puck goes away.
Pedro comes home in a huff. He had a fight with Sean because -- you guessed it -- Pedro isn't sure if he wants to stay in the city after the show is over since he misses his family so much. Pedro felt that Sean was pressuring him and attacking his family. Then we cut to Pedro and Sean in the dining room discussing things. Pedro feels that Sean doesn't appreciate the fact that he's thinking of moving to San Francisco, but Sean gently corrects him, saying that Pedro hasn't made those plans known to him. We don't get to see much of their "argument" probably because they're rationally discussing an issue, and that's much more boring than the Rachel/Puck/Heather histrionics that the producers also have to work with.
Establishing shot of SFO. Which means that Heather, Patty and, most importantly, Frances are leaving. Poor Patty didn't get any air time at all because nobody had the hots for her. After a kiss goodbye, Dudd is left on the curb. How fitting. In a confessional, Dudd throws a pity party to which he has invited the entire world as he says, "My luck. Meet somebody nice, they're off on a plane." Aw, Dudd, some of us wouldn't call that "luck" but more like "justice."
Back at the house, Rachel is asking Puck if he got together with Heather. Puck vehemently denies it, but then yanks Rachel's chain by asking if making out constitutes "getting together." Rachel practically flips, giving Puck exactly the reaction he was hoping for. Then there's a really sloppy jump to a point earlier or later in the conversation when Rachel asks Puck if Heather likes him. Puck, realizing that since Heather is not likely to return he had better make up with Rachel so she'll continue to shower him with attention, says, "Maybe, but I don't think I like Heather that much...because...she has three brain cells and they're fighting. They don't even get along to make a thought pattern." Rachel, mollified, giggles. In an interview, Rachel shows that she's fallen for Puck's manipulation hook, line and sinker as she says, "Puck has definitely shown that he has a very sweet and sensitive side. I mean, you have to break through cement with him before you get to that soft side, but there's definitely a sweet side to him." Not if you ask me, he hasn't. But maybe that's because I'm not the one who's in love with him.
week Cory cries some more, and Puck endangers the welfare of an animal.
Over the credits, Pedro discusses with Pam the lack of appropriate words that gay people have to refer to their partners. Because I'm mature like that, hearing Pedro say "lover" in his adorable Cuban accent makes me giggle.