Previously on The Practice: DEK spends all his time reviving Ally McBeal because it sucked last season, and working on Boston Public because it's been picked up for a whole season. This means The Practice has gone completely to pot.
There is snow in Boston. The establishing shot wanted y'all to know that.
The Firm. A tall woman with dark, wavy hair walks into the office. She's got the kind of hair every woman wishes they had. Honest. I'm not being critical or sarcastic. Jeannie Reynolds walks over to Lucy. As she points to Lindsay, she exclaims, "Hi! I'm looking for her!" Each woman grins as the two old friends greet each other. There are hugs. Squeals. You know the drill. Jeannie makes a crack about "what Lindsay's been up to" while staring at Lindsay's huge stomach. Oh, the Child of Rod. Shudder. Lindsay tells her friend she's about five months along. As Jeannie fondles the belly, she cracks, "I knew her when she was a virgin!" Everyone, and I mean everyone, in the office giggles. Personally, I think they've all been drinking too much eggnog. After the niceties are dispensed with, Jeannie gets down to business: "Do you have a second? I'm on a major clock." Well, that's a friend for you. They only come around when they want something.
Conference Room. Lindsay continues to smile. And as she's rambling on about how she's been meaning to call her, Jeannie says, "Thanks for inviting me to the wedding, by the way." Her friend explains how they eloped. Don't worry about the invitation, no one was invited, not even Bobby's dad, whom we all know exists. The two women sit at the conference table. After finally ending the "catching up" period of this episode, Jeannie explains the real reason for her visit. She's been treating William Hinks, a man accused of decapitating nine women. Lindsay is disturbed to hear the news, but not so disturbed that she can't snark, "Did he start killing people after you started treating him?" Cute. Jeannie doesn't think he committed the crime. Again, Lindsay turns to reason: "What do you mean you don't think he did it, he confessed." The psychologist is convinced that Hinks has made up the whole thing. He's fabricated the fact that he's the one who killed nine people. Then, he fooled the police. Oh, here we go, it's just another plot taken directly from the masters of television police/courtroom drama Law & Order. Remember the episode where a whack of student nurses was murdered and the suspect was a mentally challenged man played by none other than our very own Lump? Yeah, he claimed he committed the crime just to get the attention too. DEK gets no points for originality this episode. Jeannie continues explaining that the trial starts in two days and that William "The Boston Non-Strangler" Hinks has fired two of his lawyers. This means he'd probably end up with a public defender. Which I guess would kind of suck at a trial of this magnitude. Jeannie folds her hands on the table, leans in, and asks, "Lindsay, would you consider doing it?" Mrs. Rod responds, "Defend William Hinks?" Jeannie retorts, "You've become this big star. I read about you all the time!" Mrs. Rod explains, "I don't do serial killers, Jeannie." Ragdoll interjects, "Not while she's pregnant anyway." Jeannie continues to explain to Lindsay how she thinks he didn't do it. Jeannie's convinced he's delusional, and that Hinks is not the serial killer who murdered those women, and all he needs right now is a good lawyer.
Credits. I would rather have someone tie me in front of a fan, glue my eyes open, and then poke them repeatedly rather than have to listen to this theme song.
Boston still looks cold and winter-like.
The Firm. The Emperor Rod is doing his best impression of Jackie Chan by karate-chopping the conference table: "I don't think you should take it." His wife believes that Jeannie believes Hinks is innocent. Ellenor wants to know how you start such a monster of a trial on two days' notice. Mrs. Rod explains that the two lawyers had prepared excellent cases. Apparently, when these two fellows -- after they spoke to Jeannie -- confronted Hinks about being delusional, and because he couldn't face the fact that he's innocent, William fired them. Still chopping (we should all be amazed that the table is still in one piece), the Emperor asks of his wife, "How do you defend him?" Yeah, and Eugene cracks, "Why would you want to?" With the gleam of a good fight in her eye, Lindsay says, "I'd be going up against Roland Hill from the DA's office. How often does any lawyer get the chance to go up against him?" Hey, who cares! Anyway, the Emperor starts lecturing and gesturing about not wanting a client who insists they are guilty as Jeannie walks into the conference room: "You people supposedly defend underdogs. Well, I've got one here." Blah blah blah delusion-cakes. Lindsay insists that she wants to take the case, and that she needs back-up. Every single lawyer at the table insists that he or she is free, and then they start bickering about who was free "first." The Emperor gives in after making sure his wife is sure, and then decrees that Jimmy be second chair. A smug Lump twists his pencil as Rebecca gets in one more: "But that isn't fair." She needs all the camera time she can get, people, even if she is whining. It's better than nothing.
County Jail. Jeannie, Jimmy, and Lindsay are walking toward William "The Opposite of Sane" Hinks's holding cell. Jeannie insists he's a docile man. Jimmy quips, "Just misunderstood." They come to the room to see a slight man resembling Mr. Burns from The Simpsons. Well, he would resemble Mr. Burns if Mr. Burns were actually a man and not a cartoon character. Yes, Hinks is a younger version of Mr. Burns. Absolutely. Through the bars, you can see that the prisoner is slumped over the desk and shackled. Lindsay wants to know if they need a guard in the room. Jeannie reminds her that they'll lose privilege if one is present. The Lump takes a good look at Hinks and jokes, "I think we could take him." In they go. Wow, Jeannie is a very tall woman. Her knees reach almost to the top of the table. William Hinks has to tilt his head all the way up just to get a good look at her. Jeannie introduces Mrs. Rod and the Lump. Hinks thanks them for coming. After setting her briefcase onto the table to separate herself from the man, Lindsay explains that they did manage to get a continuance until early week. This means that Hinks might be transferred back to the main jail, because they don't like to keep defendants in the county lock-up for any length of time. She then announces that they're going to go over the evidence, the confession, and then "they'll get back together and talk." Hinks replies, "But what is there to talk about?" The two women glance at one another before Lindsay continues, "Dr. Reynolds tells me it's your preference to plead insanity. You realize, if we win on that [sic], you don't go free." Hinks realizes his predicament. Lindsay insists they should go for a straight not-guilty. I do not think that Hinks's eyes could look more bug-like. They almost look as if they were inserted into his head after the rest of it had already developed. I'll bet an evil scientist built him. The soundtrack wavers in the background as Hinks insists he committed the crime. And at least if he's convicted of the crime, he'll be sent to a place where they can help him get better. Ha. Only if there's a team of plastic surgeons specializing in de-bug-eye surgery.
The Firm. Conference Room. Jeannie is lecturing. She's pacing behind The Lump and Lindsay, trying to explain her thoughts about Mr. Serial Not-Killer: "The closest diagnosis I can make is that he has delusions, symptomatic of schizophrenia, probably paranoia. Not only does he believe he committed these crimes, the idea of others not believing it is repugnant to him." With a stack of papers in front of him, Jimmy cranks his head up to look at Jeannie: "But if he didn't do it...he sure gave them a lot of details." Jeannie insists that the information that Hinks gave to the police was all accessible. In fact, there's a whole Internet site set up on this killer. Please. She keeps insisting that all of the facts in the case would have been available to the public. Lindsay wants Jeannie to explain why she thinks Hinks didn't commit the crimes. "For one thing, he's got a lot of holes in his story." Jeannie takes a deep breath: "I don't get any sense of anger in him. I don't see the necessary capacity for violence. He's a quiet little accountant who never leaves the house." Jimmy "Summer of Scam" Berluti pipes up, "It's always the quiet ones." Word. Jeannie also put Mr. Hinks under hypnosis, where he told a very different story. One where he didn't do it but that he just wishes he had. Lindsay tries again to dissuade her friend: "They found him near the scene of the last victim." Jeannie leans in: "He says he has police radio. According to a story under hypnosis, William heard of the crime, managed to get to the scene and into a neighbouring cellar, then let himself get discovered there." The Lump insists the police are excellent at sniffing out false confessions. She claims Hinks is extremely smart -- borderline genius -- and he also passed the polygraph, which he would, if he were delusional. Okay, but just, like, two weeks ago, during the fake-umentary, didn't Bobby insist that polygraphs were the be-all and end-all of truth-telling machines? Whatever. The Lump asks if Hinks could have been faking it through the hypnosis. Jeannie explains she did believe that at first, but now, well, she's not so sure. Lindsay steps in with her particular brand of wisdom: "Either way, Jeannie, if he convinced the police with his confession, including an FBI profiler, he'll likely fool a jury." Again, Jeannie leans in toward her friend with her hands folded across the table: "He didn't necessarily fool the FBI profiler." What?
The Profiler's Office. The Agent pulls a file from his side cabinet before turning and facing Mrs. Rod and The Lump. The Agent sits down and explains that he was suspicious: "There were certain facts he should have had, had he been the real killer." He too folds his hands on top of the now-open file on his desk. Lindsay only wants to know the facts. She's all about business. The Agent reveals that William didn't know many of the specific details he probably should have: "Like the time of death, he could only approximate. A killer that precise, I thought he'd be clear on time. Positions of bodies, that sort of thing. The fingernails." The fingernails intrigue Jimmy; his head perks up at the mention of them. Hinks has maintained that he pulled the fingernails off of all of his victims, just as has been reported in all the papers, but the police planted that tidbit just to trip up any people thinking about making a false confession. What's up with that? How many people actually walk into a police station and make a false claim to have killed nine people? How many actual "delusional" attention-getters can there be in Boston at any given time? ["Apparently, it's pretty common, and the police give out false information in high-profile cases as a matter of course to winnow out the whack jobs. The things I learn from reading true-crime crap..." -- Sars] Regardless, the nails of the fifth victim were never removed: "And that's something the real killer should know." The Lump wants to know why the Agent signed off on "this being the guy." The Agent explains that Hinks was found near the crime scene, and that his apartment did contain voluminous clippings and Internet printouts regarding each of the murders. Mrs. Rod insists that he could have been collecting that information just to learn about the crimes. The Agent responds, "Or he was the murderer and he liked to read about himself, which is pretty typical of serial killers." Secret Agent Man looks once more at Lindsay before he continues, "One more thing. The murders stopped once William Hinks was in custody." Jimmy nods his head. Lindsay still wants to know if he thinks Hinks is the one. His response: "Maybe, but maybe not." Just in case the cops were thinking they could maybe, almost, kind of, um, get off the fence or something.
The Firm. The Three Musketeers are discussing their court strategy. Lindsay wants to know how the heck they're going to defend Hinks. If they plead guilty, he's going to fire them. The discussion still centers on whether or not Hinks is guilty. Jimmy thinks they should just stick with insanity: "Maybe we could win that one." Lindsay looks exasperated: "But we believe he did it, Jimmy. We can't argue he was insane at the time when we know he didn't do it." For once, The Lump is being reasonable: "But we don't know that, Lindsay. We don't know anything." Jeannie wants to go to the judge and ask for an order compelling Hinks to plead not guilty. Jeannie insists again that it wasn't Hinks. The music tells me that neither Lindsay nor Jimmy is as convinced as she claims to be.
County Jail. It's the day. The same music is playing. It's The March Of Indecision: Did He Or Didn't He? Hinks wants to know if Lindsay's planning to plead insanity. She responds that the situation is complicated: "You're just going to have to trust me. Can you do that?" No! He cries, "My future is at stake. My life. I've known you less than a week." "I'm Not Really A" Jeannie responds, "But you trust me, don't you?" He snaps back that he's not just some anonymous man who needs to be handled. When Lindsay insists that he might have to testify, Hinks calms down. Team Serial Murder is playing him. They blather on some more about whether or not they are going with insanity. If the music strums much longer, I'm going to go insane. Lindsay nods her head and tells him, finally, that yes, they are going with insanity. What a stupid scene -- hey, audience, you're supposed to think William Hinks is creepy, okay?
Commercials.
The Firm. Oh. Gawd. There are Christmas stockings tied up with "Bobby" embossed on them in golden letters. As we survey the room, we hear Hinks blathering on about dropping the weapon at the scene to relieve himself of the worry that it might be found in his possession. "The gloves," he continues, "I would either burn or dispose of at the right opportunity." A voice asks, "Why the fingernails?" Hinks supposes they were souvenirs because a fingernail is easier, and less bloody, to remove than "one might think." I don't care if Jeannie thinks this creep is innocent. He's too creepy not to have killed those women. Jimmy wants to know how many times they're going to "watch it." Lindsay is furiously writing on a legal pad: "Until we've memorized every word. This tape is their whole case." Ah! Ah! Ah! It's Scott Wallace all over again. Ah! Ah! Ah!
Courtroom. Hinks' confession tape is playing. He's going on about removing the victim's fingernails. The camera pans the jurors, who are all looking a cross between disturbed and disgusted. Roland Hill explains to the jury that he'll be introducing more of the tape throughout the trial. "But the footage you just saw will be introduced as evidence that the defendant's clarity during his confession. His precision. His careful choice of words," blah dee blah he had just committed a murder and dismemberment three hours before, blah dee blah this was a man in control, blah dee blah a man who understood the nature and the quality of the acts committed, blah dee blah the evidence will show that these crimes were thoroughly pre-meditated. Insert The Coda Of Criminal Prosecutors. Blah dee blah, wrap it all up with a little "a man who knew exactly what he was doing." And look very stern. Follow this by Lindsay jumping up and saying, "William Hinks is insane." And then sitting back down. Heh. Bravado and the Bitch. Not a bad first day.
Cut to a cop on the stand. It's not Detective Mike. Please don't cry. I know. I miss him too. The officer explains that all nine of the victims had dogs, and that Hinks met these women while he was out walking his very own dog. Apparently, Hinks would meet the women and make a date with them. Then he would be let into their homes and kill them. DA Hill asks the detective if he thought these killings were acts of uncontrollable behaviour. No. Hill asks him why. The detective responds, "First of all, they were meticulous." Lindsay makes a note on her pad. "Other than the mutilations, which, of course, were bloody, there was never any evidence. No fingerprints. No DNA." The jury is paying very close attention. "The weapon was always placed to the torso. The first wound was always fatal." This fact was confirmed by the coroner's report. All I want to know is, where are the nine poster-sized pictures of the live, and then dead, women we always see here on The Practice? Where are the damn visuals? Lindsay asks if a killer acting outside of his own conscious control could also be meticulous. Here, Lindsay tries to get her "possible." But the detective isn't playing her game. He refuses to stop talking. Lindsay insists it was a "yes or no" question. Up pops DA Hill, a.k.a. Prosecution Mountain, who claims, "But it was not a yes or no answer." The judge allows the detective to complete his response. This is just filler: blah dee blah if the last victim hadn't hit the silent alarm, blah dee blah if we didn't find Hinks in the basement door, blah dee blah these murders were called Immaculate Dissections, blah dee blah scenes were free of evidence, blah dee blah planning. He was the perfect murderer. Lindsay gives Jimmy a nod. I guess that's what they wanted. Why do all serial killers have to have nicknames like they are hurricanes or tornadoes? Isn't it enough that they go around murdering people, usually women? Why do they all have to have nicknames too? William "Immaculate Dissection" Hinks? Please -- does it really serve to make him less human, more animal? Prosecution Mountain rests and states he's saving his psychiatric evidence for rebuttal.
The defense then calls Dr. Jean Reynolds. Jimmy whispers over to Lindsay, "All set?" She thinks so, and then gets up to start her questioning. The usual name, occupation, for the record crap is dispensed. Jeannie explains, in detail, what it means to be a criminal psychologist. Yawn. You know, I'm going to include a new section in my recaps. It's called "ragdoll recommends." This week, ragdoll recommends that her readers not see Unbreakable. It's a terribly long, boring film. Kind of like Death of a Salesman meets Superman, with some of the worst dialogue I've ever heard. Blah dee blah Jeannie treated Hinks, blah dee blah he's delusional, blah dee blah she didn't think he did it. The gallery twitters as only a gallery can twitter. Jeannie: "He thinks he killed those women, but he did not." Blah dee blah hypnosis, blah dee blah thirty hours of therapy with The Boston Decapitator, blah dee blah ten years of experience, blah dee blah. The Prosecution Mountain objects to the hypnosis testimony because it's hearsay. Instantly, William Hinks is up, screaming for a sidebar. Judge White tells him to sit back down. Hinks continues. He wants to dismiss Lindsay as counsel. They bicker back and forth, sit down, she doesn't represent me, sit down, I want her fired: "She doesn't represent my interests, nor does she represent the truth." Yawn. Hinks sits down. Here, Lindsay announces she's changing the plea to a straight not-guilty. More twitters. William yells, "She's a liar, Your Honour!" White gets security to take Mr. Hinks out of the courtroom and orders counsel into chambers...
...where he slams the door and screams, "What the hell's going on?" Lindsay tries to explain her position. The judge will hear none of it: "You committed a fraud on the court, Counsel!" She had to. Her face is very serious. There's no way I could be on The Practice. If I had to say these lines, I'd be cracking up all over the place. It's all so ridiculous. Lindsay explains how they had to keep their defense from the client, you know, because he's delusional. Brilliant, but insane. You know who else is brilliant but insane? Samuel L. Jackson. In Unbreakable. And just like in that film, being brilliant but insane is pretty darn boring. Sigh. The judge busts out all over Lindsay for keeping the strategy from the court, and from the client. The circumstances warranted the fakery. No way! Screams the judge. Jimmy steps in to bat for the defense. DA Hill wants to know if it's a trick. Lindsay gives her word as an officer of the court. DA Hill: "That doesn't solve it. You can not change your plea without your client's consent." Jimmy puts in his two cents. Ragdoll thinks everyone's been watching too much Matlock. Harland's antics from the last episode have started an ugly trend. They all bicker about Hinks for a while. Jimmy stands tall on his soapbox: "Look. This is an unusual thing here. We have a defendant whose sickness prevents him from wanting to be found innocent." He steps forward: "If we would have pled straight not-guilty he would have fired us, like he fired the two guys before us. He would have went out and found a lawyer to tell his lie." Oh, the drama. "In our minds," Jimmy continues, "that would have been the biggest fraud." Well, at least the judge looks convinced.
Side Room. William "Desperately Seeking Sanity" Hinks is screaming at everyone. They are all discharged. Lindsay holds her hand up like she's about to take off into the air: "The judge has ordered us to stay on." The Symphony Of Sick Bastards rises up to greet my already rising breakfast as Jeannie says, "William. You are ill. You think you committed those crimes. Under hypnosis you admitted to me you didn't." Goodness, enough with the hypnosis already. The music turns into The Dance Of Traumatic Tensions. Maybe he's fooled everyone: "For god's sake, I killed nine women. I can't be in denial!" Lindsay "His Word Is Not Enough" Dole explains that all she cares about is keeping him out of prison. Hinks isn't happy with that -- he doesn't just want to get treatment for his "disorder" -- and he announces that he's testifying. The music swells, and everyone looks very dramatically at one another as we bleed into the commercials.
Courtroom. Jean Reynolds is still on the witness stand. She's still talking about what Hinks said while he was under hypnosis. Blah dee blah police radio, blah dee blah broke into the basement, blah dee blah he waited for the police, blah dee blah he wanted to be caught. Somewhere in there, Prosecution Mountain repeats his objection. Jean discusses the fact that most serial killers have "displaced anger," and that Hinks simply didn't have any. We know. He's delusional. We Get It. DA Hill gets Jeannie to admit that patients can fake being under hypnosis. She did suspect he was faking under hypnosis, but when he kept firing lawyers for insisting on his innocence, well, she knew then that he couldn't be faking. Whatever.
Cut to a crotchety, older man exclaiming, "Well, she's simply wrong. What more can I tell you." This is Dr. Gale, the prosecution's psychiatric witness, who rebuts Jeannie's position. He thinks Hinks's confession was genuine. In fact, he thinks Mr. Hinks was consumed with rage. Get this: Hinks lived with an emotionally abusive mother who punished him relentlessly. Oh why, oh why is the mother always to blame? Blah dee blah these murders are about punishing, blah dee blah more confession tape, blah dee blah sicko repeats more sick things about dismembering women alive, blah dee fricken blah. Hinks claims it's the look on the face of a woman who is about to die that eggs him on in his rampant murdering spree. Well, at least he doesn't claim his mother made him do it. Even the ones who admit to being guilty are apparently innocent this season. In the end, as the music threatens to drown everyone in the courtroom, Dr. Gale says Hinks is guilty. Let's move on.
Side Room. Lindsay "Immortal Befuddled" Dole sighs, "Well. You got your wish, William. After watching that last portion of the tape, I'm sure everyone thinks you did it, including the jury." Shackles on the table, and with an honest-to-goodness straight face, William replies, "Other than lying to me, the two of you have tried a good case. You should be proud of yourself." Jimmy sits down and asks the man if he truly appreciates where he'll be going. Hinks: "In this life or the ." Always thrown the Catholicism references, that Jimmy -- he always gets the religious mentions. Does he just breathe sexually repressed right-winged man? Jimmy is trying to convince Hinks that when he ends up in prison, where inmates have "special" feelings for men who murder lots and lots of women, he might not want to be there. Without blinking his bug eyes, Hinks again insists that he wants to testify.
The Firm. Bobby "Tao of Rod" Donnell, along with the rest of the Firm, is being updated on Lindsay's trial. She explains that Prosecution Mountain really has no evidence, aside from some car tracks and the fact that Hinks has no alibi. "Big deal." She claims, "He says that himself." Eugene wants to know if they are winning or losing. Lindsay then explains that losing is victory to the client. "Then why is he testifying?" The Emperor raises his hands, ignores his wife as she is about to reply, and cries, "Hosanna in the highest!" Then blesses his flock with a wave of his hands. Or ragdoll just made that up because she couldn't actually see The Emperor's hands, because they were hidden behind the fake poinsettia decorated with fake snow so gloriously gracing the middle of the conference table. But you know his hands have to be moving. You pick what they're doing. It's Choose Your Own Recap today. If I had my wish, I would have chosen the chapter that takes you all the way to the end. The "Quick and Painless" ending. We repeat, "Why is he testifying, exactly?"
Hinks: "Because if my soul has any chance at redemption, I must make a full confession." Courtroom. The day. Goodness, apparently William "Sick, But Not Sick Enough" Hinks believes that God would like him to be open and unashamed with his evil. Lindsay brings up some technical details, something about a victim with cancer wearing a wig that he didn't notice and something about latex gloves being thrown into the fire. Hinks rebuts everything Lindsay says with smart, even cheeky answers. She inquires after the fingernails: "What happened to them?" He refuses to tell. Lindsay taunts him about the whole "soul confession" angle. He still refuses; he'll take that information to his grave. Then she moves on to the fact that the fifth victim's fingernails were not removed despite Hinks's claim he removed them. Hinks: "So I forgot. It was four victims ago. They blend." Heh. Lindsay continues to dance for a while, tries to trip Hinks up, and then suggests there was a tenth murder. A case the police only thought might have been the work of the Immaculate Decapitator: "Her fingernails were also pulled out, limbs and head amputated. Your work, Mr. Hinks?" The Prosecution Mountain attempts to overrule Lindsay's question. The judge smacks him down. Eventually, after Lindsay badgers Hinks into admitting to a tenth murder, she says, "Funny. I made it up." The Swell Of Superior Minds fills the room. Jeannie leans forward, again. Lindsay barks on and on about Hinks being a fraud. He claims he killed them. He cries again, "I did it!" Lindsay calls him a pathetic little man. "I'm famous!" he screams. "You see my pictures in the paper, and on the news because I did it!" He's still yelling as Judge White tells him to simmer down, but to no avail: "I killed them and you can't take that away!" Lindsay stares him down. He mutters, "You can't. You can't." Then she says, "Okay, Mr. Hinks. You win." The piano tweaks. The violins trill into action. The Prosecution Mountain gets up: "Forgive me, Mr. Hinks. I was trying to decide whose performance was better here -- yours or Ms. Dole's." Lindsay objects. Judge White sustains. The Prosecution Mountain sits back down, in time with the piano trudging on behind him, and says, "I have nothing for Mr. Hinks." Jimmy leans in towards Lindsay and whispers, "I think maybe we've won." My lord, do they ever know how to make a moment last a lifetime on this damn show. Get on with it already.
Commercials. Oh, and ragdoll recommends skipping Bounce too. Despite the fact they apparently dated, it is possible that Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck are actually made out of cardboard. ["'Possible,' nothing. Affleck is a slab of particle board." -- Sars]
There is still snow in Boston.
Courtroom. Lindsay is closing. You all know what her case is made of. He's a paranoid, schizophrenic, delusional man. He's made it all up. He's desperate to believe he's something he's not: "He's ill. But he's not the sick man who committed those crimes." She touts the "public consumption" knowledge as proof. Then she plays on the fact that we want the right killer off the street: "We'd better send a message to the police that they'd better keep looking. Because it's not William Hinks." The Prosecution Mountain starts: "I have never been on a case where the defense plead insanity only to then, in the middle of trial, suddenly declare that he didn't do it at all, and then to follow that with the defendant taking the stand to say that he did." Well, when you put it like that, it all sounds like a big joke. Oh, wait. This is The Practice. It is all a big joke. DA Hill then claims that William orchestrated the entire scenario. He knew the police would find the clippings and printouts. He knew the police would know they had the right guy. He gives a confession. Careful to leave out a few details. He tells a different story under hypnosis and makes the therapist his pawn. To have any chance of an acquittal, he'd need the therapist to sell the jury. Then he'd need a lawyer who'd insist he was innocent while he insisted he was guilty. Brilliant, isn't it? Masterful, even: "If you want to, give him an Academy Award for his wrenching performance on the witness stand, but don't you dare give him an acquittal. You don't want him out there looking for number ten." Yeah, because on this show, all the bad guys eventually come after their lawyers. Good closing. The music swells up again.
It carries us over to the side room in the courthouse, where Jimmy is watching the snow fall out the window. He, Lindsay, and Hinks are waiting for the verdict. "How long?" the defendant asks. "This one could take a while. It's close," his lawyer responds. Hinks turns to look at Lindsay and says he thought the Prosecution Mountain did a very good job. Lindsay takes a deep breath: "Extremely." Pause. Dramatic Pause. Unbearably boring pauses. Another pause. More pausing. "He almost sold me." Then, William "Almost Famous" Hinks cracks. Like a candy cane in winter, he breaks into a million different little serial-killer pieces. He smiles a crooked smile, and then Lindsay knows. She knows he sliced and diced nine different women and then ingeniously maneuvered himself to an almost-victory. Lindsay's mouth is dry, you can hear it in her voice, and her lip does that gross sticking-to-the-top-of-her-mouth thing as she says, "Did you know I planned to yank the insanity plea and enter not guilty." The drum gongs away in the background. (You know, I keep harping on this, but the scenes would be so much more effective if they would just shut the orchestra the hell up.) He knew, yes. But wasn't that a risk? "Besides, I was poised to settle for a mental breakdown and at least secure a mistrial if you stuck with insanity." Well, he had to cling to Dr. Reynolds. She was his Tinkerbell. They run through about a million more scenarios: "When you murder nine people, the jury is not looking for a reason to let you go. You have to be perfect." Jimmy wants to know if William is going to kill again if he is acquitted. Is the Pope Catholic? Do ducks take to water? Is ragdoll annoyed? Of course he's going to kill again. He's a SERIAL KILLER. That's what they do -- murder people. Hinks is too smart for Jimmy: "Mr. Berluti. If I tell you I'm about to kill again, you don't have to honour privilege. But nice try." Things went exactly according to his plan. Except for the Prosecution Mountain's excellent closing, yes. Lindsay asks about the gloves from the last murder. "Burned in the fireplace. Your police are shoddy." Then, enter anonymous guard: "Verdict." Here, or in the life?
Courthouse. We're still enduring The Symphony Of Sick Bastards as the verdict paper comes to Judge White. He reads it and then asks Hinks to stand. On all counts, one through nine, of murder in the first degree, they find the freak innocent. Screams erupt in the gallery. Cries break out, and William Hinks looks vindicated, but not in a good way. In a "I'm the bad guy, and I know it, but I got away with it" way. Judge White sets the defendant free and adjourns the court. Hinks thanks Lindsay and Jimmy for their excellent service. Lindsay mentions she's going out the back way. Huh? Is she running away from him or the reporters? And who cares? Jeannie comes up and says, "Unbelievable!" Lindsay tries to get her to let Hinks go, but she'll have none of that; she urges William to keep up with his treatment. He says he'll "call her." And we all feel a little sick to our stomachs. Again, Lindsay urges Jeannie to let it go, but she's got stars in her eyes and a good heart. I'll bet Hinks kills Jeannie in the couple episodes. The music is telling me so. The end.
, on The Practice: Bobby has information on a little girl who has been kidnapped. The girl's mother approaches Bobby in the courthouse and shoves the girl's picture in his face. The Emperor does not like to be emotionally manipulated. Lindsay gets a call from William "Bounce" Hinks and pretends she's not in the office. Ragdoll's taking bets on who gets killed .