Once again, an extra large shout-out to deborah for being so clear and concise, and to everyone else on the forums for their insightful discussion of the issues that were brought up in this episode. Carry on!
Previously on The Practice: Ellenor tells Lindsay, and only Lindsay, she's pregnant. She also refuses to reveal who the father is; she's going to be a single parent. Harland Bassett is ordered by the court to have co-counsel present at his trial, ends up working with Eugene, and causes trouble all over the place by entering a man's penis into evidence. Consequently, Harland has an acrimonious relationship with Judge Zoey Hiller.
Helen closes the door to a conference room which is, I'm assuming, somewhere in the District Attorney's office. She moves toward a rather large group of people and informs them they've got to get past one last motion to dismiss by the defense before the trial can start tomorrow. A clean-cut, rather awkward-looking man says, "You will get by it, right?" He looks very, very concerned. Helen hopes they will "get by it." An older woman with Lucy Ricardo hair asks, "You mean, there's a chance this may not even go to trial?" She's wearing a brooch. That's wardrobe's clue to us that she's a mother. They give the younger single women necklaces; they're racier. Way to keep with the times, wardrobe. Moving quickly into her "serious prosecutor" role, Helen explains this motion is an uphill battle, because they are prosecuting one man for a murder he didn't even commit; in fact, the crime did not even take place in the States, which makes it even more complicated. The Father pipes up, "But the man was his brother?" Helen sits down at the table and quietly explains how they've only gotten so much cooperation from Pakistani authorities. She quickly adds that she's received no help "whatsoever" from the federal government and says, "Quite frankly, our case is weak." The Brother says, "So, you think he's going to get away with it?" With a great sigh, Helen reassures all of the some two hundred people that seem to be in the family that she's going to fight hard for them. Whatever. Helen couldn't do anything softly even if she put her mind to it -- the woman's about as soft as a landing made of concrete bricks.
Whoosh. The Firm. The Emperor Rod, fresh from his victory last week in the not-at-all-harrowing Scott Wallace trial, advises his client about taking a deal. A very handsome, very well-dressed man refuses to consider a plea. You all know the drill, say it with me now: "He had nothing to do with it." Only, I think we've had our share of "innocent" verdicts so far this season. I'm convinced this one's going to end up being guilty. The Handsome Accusee explains: "You can't condemn a man for the actions of his brother." Yeah, well, tell that to Cain -- or wait, is it Abel? I'm a bit off on my Biblical references. The Emperor states emphatically that the jury could very well think he was involved because the murderer was his brother. The Handsome Accusee re-asserts that he had nothing at all to do with the crime and wants to know one good reason why he should even consider a plea. Bobby "The Big Kahuna" Donnell looks boldly at the camera: "I'll give you three." He asserts, "You're Pakistani, the victim was American, and this is Boston." Wow, not even past the first credits and a) The Emperor Rod is lecturing, b) he's not making sense, and c) he's being overly dramatic. Shut up, Bobby.
Credits. The theme song makes even Billy Ocean blush. It's that bad.
The Firm. Holding out his left hand as though he's instructing an orchestra to tackle the section of the opera quietly, The Emperor Rod is apprising his assistant of his morning: "If we win the motion, we'll be back before noon, if we don't, trial starts immediately." Rebecca fulfills her window-dressing contract by second-chairing this trial. From across the room, Eugene wants to know what Bobby thinks about the trial. Ragdoll rolls her eyes, because the last thing The Emperor Rod needs is an excuse to keep on talking. Anyway, Bobby explains that the law is on their side and that the trial has just been transferred to Judge Beautiful. Lindsay quips, "We're becoming a niche practice, husbands who kill wives." Now if that's not a shout-out, I don't know what is. Everyone's been complaining on the forums about DEK's inability to create any sort of plot that doesn't revolve around husbands killing their wives. Oh, and Lindsay shouldn't be cracking jokes either, because it doesn't suit her -- she always comes off so snotty. The Emperor turns his steely stare on his wife: "He's innocent." Yeah, no husband who is alleged to have killed his wife in Boston actually commits the crime. Ellenor sweeps into the office with a delicious grin and says, "Good morning!" Lindsay sidles up to her, smiling too. I'm also scared of Lindsay when she smiles. Lucy shows just how ignorant she is by exclaiming, "She got a date?" The Emperor Rod, who hates to be out of the loop, wants to know what's going on. While she's still smiling, Ellenor finally announces to the rest of The Firm that she's pregnant. There is a collective jaw-dropping session that is finally broken by the Emperor firmly implanting his foot into his extremely large mouth: "Very funny." Oddly, Ellenor doesn't take offense to Bobby's gaffe, and keeps on smiling: "I am. I didn't want to jinx it before the amnio results came back, so everything's fine. I'm four months and I'm going to have a baby girl!" Jimmy asks who the father is, and Ellenor responds that she's keeping that a secret. She's going to be a single mom. Jimmy doesn't try very hard to hide his disapproval. Rebecca smiles begrudgingly, and Lucy gives Ellenor a hug. I think everyone should control his or her non-response. Assholes. ["No kidding. I can't believe Ellenor didn't rip a strip off the lot of them. Judgmental rude-asses." -- Sars] As Ellenor makes her way over to her desk, Harland "Tumbledweebs" Bassett comes into the office, asking after Eugene. Lucy stutters for a second as Eugene comes up behind them: "Harland?" The man says, pointing to his stomach, "Remember me?" And for the second time that morning, the entire staff is shocked into silence.
Eugene and Harland move into his office. Harland sits down in a chair in front of Eugene's desk and starts pleading his case. He needs Eugene's help to defend his niece Emma against a shoplifting charge. Harland swears the security guard has it all wrong and that his niece is innocent. Eugene asks, "Harland, are you being ordered again by the court to have co-counsel present?" No. But he's hit an "unlucky patch" since their last trial, and his malpractice carrier has forced him to advise all his clients that he's never won a jury trial. Eugene: "You still haven't won a trial?" Well, poor Harland has won some bench trials, but no, he's never won a jury trial: "I need to get one under my belt, Eugene, not just because I love my niece, but also, it's tough to recruit new business with this mandate from the carrier." Eugene doesn't look convinced. Harland keeps yapping: "It's a two-day trial, max. I know I'm asking a lot." He pauses to let the full effect of his "wounded puppy-dog look" sink in and says to Eugene, "I need to get a W." What does that mean? Anyone? Does it mean an acquittal, and if so, why didn't he just say, "I need an acquittal, Eugene." No one on the history of this show has ever said, "I need to get a W." I wish there was someone from Sesame Street standing outside Eugene's office with a large "W" to hand over to him. ["It means 'win,' like the W you'd see in the won-loss standings on the sports page." -- Sars] "W" is for Wind, and for Wish, and for Walrus, and especially for Whatever.
Courthouse. The Emperor Rod is directing air traffic in open court. He and Helen (doing her best impression of the British Raj) are arguing their motion in front of Kittleson. Bobby "Throw in the XXXL Hand Towel" Donnell states that there is no basis in law for these charges: "A defendant can't be an accessory before the fact to a homicide that happened in a foreign country." Stone Cold "Falling on Kittleson" Gamble insists there was a kidnapping with an intent to kill, so she can "absolutely" assert jurisdiction in this case. (Just so you know, you can blame this episode on the following people: Alfonso H. Moreno & Peter Blake & Adam Armus & Kay Foster. They wrote the story. David E. Kelley and Alfonso Moreno are the bastards who put it all down in script-style for the cast. Just wanted to let you know who to blame for the outrage that is soon to follow on my part. Anyway, Bobby explains how "she" was going on vacation; Helen counters his argument with a little theory of her own: "He tricked her, she thought she was going on vacation. He already arranged for his brother to have her killed when she arrived." The Emperor turns to his adversary and complains, "Are you serious?" Judge Beautiful asks Helen if she's tried to extradite the brother. She has, to no avail. Kittleson calls both of them up for a bench conference. With her hand perched under her chin, Roberta wants to know why Helen is prosecuting. Helen sprains her scrawny neck as she turns around to face the million people crowded into the gallery: "Your Honour, look over there -- that's her family." Who knows what kind of crack Kittleson's on this morning, because she decides there is enough to go forward and denies Bobby's motion to dismiss. The Emperor is stunned: "There's nothing." Judge Beautiful isn't hearing any of it, and calls over both of their heads to the bailiff to bring in the jury.
Department Store. Eugene and Harland are interviewing the guard who "accosted" Emma for shoplifting. The guard, who seriously needs to take a sensitivity course, says he's sure of his identification because the accused is "the size of cottage." No offense, he slides in. Harland does take offense. As does the rest of the world. Eugene continues with the questioning that might actually help Emma: "Is that how you picked her out, her size?" No, the guard continues; in fact, he first identified her from a picture where you couldn't even "see her girth." Now, there's a word that needs to be banned from the English language forever. It's an ugly word. ["Depends on what you're talking about. Heh." -- Sars] The lawyers want to clarify that the guard picked her out from her mug shot before he saw the line-up. As he shuffles his weight a little, Tenacious Guard says the picture was just a regular picture the DA had shown him. Harland insists, in case no one else was listening, that Emma wouldn't have a mug shot, because this is her first arrest. Eugene: "You saw this picture before the line-up?" Tenacious G says, "Look. Counsel. She's the one I saw lift the merchandise."
Outside the store. Harland, trying his best not to look disheveled, stumbles along behind Eugene: "You didn't shake him?" Eugene quietly explains he didn't need to take the guard "down." In fact, he thinks they should bring a motion to dismiss on the basis that the identification was tainted. Harland finds that idea extremely pleasing.
Courthouse. Helen has a forensic scientist on the stand. Because this isn't a fake-umentary, his name doesn't appear at the bottom of my screen -- sorry, folks. The doctor informs the court that he made an identification of the body once it had been returned from Pakistan by examining the dental records. He concluded that the dental records belonged to Julie McGrath. Helen walks over to a poster-sized picture of a All-American Girl. I'm assuming this is the victim. She's got blonde hair, blue eyes, and was probably the Homecoming Queen. , Helen turns over a disturbing forensic photo of a charred body which is burnt beyond recognition. There is not a person in the room who isn't disgusted and/or repelled by the sight. The Symphony Of Sick Prosecution Stunts rises in the background as Helen continues her questioning: "Is this how Julie McGrath's body arrived from Pakistan?" The doctor affirms that the picture is correct. The DA asks him about his findings. "There was carbon monoxide in her blood and soot in her lungs. Most of the tests revealed gasoline all over her tissue." Helen: "Please, Doctor, in layman's terms." Because "gasoline" and "soot" are such technical terms that no one could possibly put two and two together by looking at the picture of a body burned so badly that you can't even recognize it was a person. The doctor turns to the jury and explains, "She was soaked with gasoline, set on fire, and then burned to death." Helen asks if she was burned alive. The doctor concurs, and Helen dismisses her witness. The Symphony is still wailing away in the background. Bobby "Robin Hood: Men In Fights" Donnell, upon being prompted by Judge Kittleson, states that the defense has no questions. Really, what could he have said? There really isn't any way to argue that she wasn't burned to death. But it might have been a good idea to object to the glaringly prejudicial picture of the body.
, Helen calls Detective Michael McGuire. Good, because we've missed Detective Mike. McGuire explains that the Boston Police Department received help from the Lahore Police Department in Pakistan, which provided the details of their own investigation. Helen asks what, if anything, the Pakistani investigation revealed. McGuire: "That it was a homicide committed by Javed Sharif, brother of the defendant." McGuire goes on to explain that Javed confessed to the killing and said that it was done to protect his brother's honour. Helen wants to know how setting Julie McGrath on fire protects the defendant's honour. Apparently, Julie McGrath, All-American Girl had engaged in an All-American Affair, and, as McGuire explains, "Adultery is considered a serious breech of a man's honour in Pakistan. In his confession, Mr. Sharif said he set Ms. McGrath on fire to avenge his brother's disgrace. It was an honour killing." Why is Bobby not objecting? Is McGuire Pakistani? Can he explain the context of the crime? Is he an expert witness on the customs of Pakistan? No. I didn't think so. After McGuire mentions "honour killing," Judge Beautiful wants the term explained. "In Pakistan, there is an ancient tribal custom, a man's honour is linked to his possessions, gold, land, women." (If you're bothered at all by political correctness, please skip these brackets. Right now I would just like to interject how overtly colonial McGuire's language is; by using the word "tribal," he sets up a distinction based upon stereotypes, wherein his use of "tribal" is in a way meant to infer Pakistani people are in fact the "other." This sets up a very clear us/them distinction toward the defendant in the eyes of the jury. I would have objected simply on the basis that McGuire's language is racist.) Helen goes on to ask if McGuire knows if Javed was ever prosecuted for the murder. Again, McGuire explains that according to the Pakistani government, the defendant invoked an Islamic doctrine, which is law in the country and which allows the heirs of the murder victim to pardon the murderer. Just to make sure everybody understands, or just in case, you know, we didn't get it, Helen repeats, "So the defendant pardoned the man who set his wife on fire." That is correct. The gallery is jam-packed with McGraths, who look very sincerely at one another. Oddly, there's a whole pack of white people defending the honour of Ms. McGrath, but Aman has no one on his side; where might we have seen this before? Hum. Finally, Bobby gets up to perhaps start to build a case. His hands are making a steeple, and then he twists them around to show us all the people: "Under Pakistani law, what would have happened to my client's brother had he not been pardoned." McGuire states that he would have faced death by hanging. Emperor Rod's hands are parting the Red Sea: "And is there any evidence of my client directing his brother to commit this crime?" Now his fingers look like he's pinching invisible mosquitoes in the air. Not to McGuire's knowledge. The Emperor continues, "Is there any evidence that my client knew this was going to happen?" Again, not to McGuire's knowledge. Some relatives twitter, Aman looks down toward his feet, and Rebecca just sort of sits there as we break for commercials.
Courthouse. Eugene and Harland are about to argue their motion to dismiss. Harland's grumpy because if they do win, he'll be denied his jury win. Poor baby. The DA for the case is Susan Alexander. Zoey Hiller enters the courtroom, sits down at her desk, sees Eugene and Harland, picks up her folders, and promptly walks right back out of the courtroom, slamming the door behind her. After a couple of seconds pass, Judge Zoey pokes her head around the door and calls out, "Mr. Young. Chambers." And then slams the door again.
Eugene is explaining to the judge that he can't tell Harland not to talk, because it's his case. Judge Zoey: "I don't care. After what he did the last time. He was an embarrassment." Judge Zoey's taking acting lessons from The Emperor as she wrings the air like it was Harland's neck. Eugene tries to tell the judge that it's Harland's niece who is on trial. Again, Judge Zoey will have none of it; she's still harping on the whole introducing-a-penis-as-evidence mess. Eugene tries to mend the situation by saying he'll do his best to contain Harland. She points her index finger right at poor Eugene, who is just trying to help: "Well, I will hold you responsible for any antics, counsel. You're on notice."
Courthouse. Helen has the All-American Girl's All-American Lover on the stand. They'd been together for about six months when Julie broke off the affair. She wanted to work things out with her husband. Helen asks if the witness had any encounters with "this man." The All-American Lover states that Aman assaulted him once he learned of the affair. Helen asks him to describe how the defendant threatened him. "It was pretty vague. He just said 'stay away from my wife,' in what I perceived to be a threatening tone." Helen asks if he said anything else. "Yes. He said in his country people were killed for committing adultery." Yeah, because, as deborah kindly informed me, they are. The jury looks over at Aman like he's a despicable example of a human being. Bobby's up for cross: "I take it when he said this he was very upset." Yes. "He had just found out you had been sleeping with his wife for three months." That's correct. Bobby asserts, "This was an angry husband blowing off steam, wasn't it?" Then, Emperor Rod puts the Eugene "take-down" into effect: "Did you report him to the police?" Well, if that worked for Scott Wallace, it should probably work here; we all learned last week that he is the magic defendant. Nope. The All-American Lover did not call the police. The smackdown continues: "So you didn't perceive that remark to be a threat on either your life or the life of Julie McGrath, did you?" Not at the time, no, the All-American Lover concedes.
The Firm. Lucy, the headset strangling her neck, shuffles up to Ellenor and starts pestering: "Was this artificial insemination or the old-fashioned way?" As she folds over the file she's pushing around on her desk, Ellenor cracks, "Despite our deepening friendship, I'm going to choose not to answer that." Cue Dr. Laura's trusty sidekick, Jimmy, to feel the need to interfere: "Aren't you a little scared, Ellenor, raising a kid alone, you think it's right?" Ellenor gives him the stink-eye and smacks him straight across the face. Oh wait, that was me, pretending I was Ellenor; she just repeats, "Do I think it's right?" He stumbles around his words for a while and backtracks; he meant to ask if Ellenor thought that working and being a mom was right for her. Calmly, but without revealing her obvious frustration with this absurd line of questioning from a moralistic bastard: "Obviously, this is something I've put a lot of thought in." Jimmy smiles, thanks her for answering his questions, and tries to retreat, but Ellenor doesn't let him get away: "You know, it doesn't seem to me as though you were asking anything, Jimmy. It sounds to me like you were commenting." He apologizes. She gives him the stink-eye and slams into the conference room. This cues the other pregnant lady, Lindsay, to follow her. A teary-eyed, blah dee blah let's not let our hormones get the better of us session ensues. Blah dee blah Ellenor just wants everyone to be happy for her, blah dee blah she thinks of The Firm as her family, blah dee blah my feelings are hurt, blah dee blah. Lindsay thinks Ellenor just needs to give them time to deal with the situation, then they'll celebrate. ["Everyone couldn't wait to celebrate for Lindsay. Nice double standard." -- Sars] Cue The Symphony Of Surprise Pregnancies to jump into action. There are tears. Why does she have to give everyone time to get over it: "Why not just be flush with happiness?" Blah dee blah because she's so happy. Lindsay tries to give the situation some perspective; she did just spring the news this morning. Oh, and then a piano infringes upon my last nerve.
Courthouse. Eugene and Susan Alexander are arguing in front of Judge Zoey. Eugene's position is that there is no way of knowing whether Tenacious G picked Emma out of the line-up because he saw her picture beforehand, or simply because she was the one who committed the crime. Obviously, the DA takes the other side. Eugene complains, "This was witness bolstering, Your Honour. First of all, this wasn't a mug shot; she has no record, and there is no mug shot. The DA took this picture out of my client's purse." Pursing her lips, Susan exclaims, "I certainly did not." Then how did you get it? Eugene turns and stares at her. Apparently, the witness picked it up off the department store floor. It fell out as she was running away. Bam. Oh, that face tells us Eugene doesn't like surprises. Judge Hiller denies Eugene's motion to dismiss, and says they'll be proceeding with the trial. Eugene sits down, slowly: "Perhaps you should have filled me in on how they got the picture." Harland didn't know. Because Harland never knows. Because Harland's never won a case. Eugene tells him to get his niece into court pronto. Harland tells him to look at the bright side; this way, he still gets to win a jury trial. Eugene: "Yes. I'm trying to contain my delight on that [sic]."
Courthouse. Helen has The Brother on the stand. He explains that their relationship was special, and that they were more like best friends than siblings. In fact, it was The Brother himself who convinced her to tell her husband she was having an affair. Helen asks him why he regrets this action. "Because he had her killed." The Emperor objects. Judge Kittleson sustains. , Helen wants to know if Julie had discussed her trip to Pakistan with her brother; again, Bobby objects, citing hearsay, to which Helen responds, "State of mind." Kittleson allows the question. Mr. McGrath states that Aman thought it would be a good idea to reconnect with his homeland. What made this suspicious, in The Brother's mind, was that Aman didn't enjoy going home and wasn't particularly close to his family. Apparently, Julie went over to Pakistan first because her husband had business to take care of, and he would join her in a few days: "She never suspected she was being sent over to be executed." Bobby objects like he's Don Cherry coaching the Bruins. The Brother continues, blah dee blah he stayed here as an alibi, blah dee blah objection, blah dee blah control your witness. Helen wants to know what happened after he learned of his sister's death. Nothing: "The brother confessed. Said it was an honour killing, and nothing happened." He points at the defendant: "Because that son of a bitch. He made sure of it." More objections from Team Donnell. Everyone's screaming at each other. The Drama Of Desperate Families rises as Kittleson threatens to have The Brother removed. Helen makes a faint attempt to calm Mr. McGrath down. My theory is that he calms down because the music lulls him into a more serene state. The Brother's bottom lip quivers in time with the oboe as he repeats, "He didn't go over there." Blah dee blah nobody did anything, blah dee blah my sister was burned to death, blah dee blah Pakistani police did nothing, blah dee blah our government refuses to get involved. Blah dee blah a beautiful woman was murdered, and nobody did anything. Wrong: nobody did anything according to American standards of justice. The murderer confessed, and was pardoned, according to the laws of the country in which the crime was committed. I'm not saying the outcome was a positive thing -- a woman was burned to death -- but you just can't go around charging people for crimes their brothers committed. ["On the other hand, I got the feeling that Aman didn't even go over to pick up the body or anything, which is kind of fucked up." -- Sars] The Emperor looks defeated as his hand rests beside his chin. That's always a measure of how poorly Bobby thinks the trial is actually going.
The Firm. Team Donnell are advising Aman about the trial. The Emperor thinks they made their case, but he's worried because The Brother was so emotional. Because it's emotions and not evidence that win trials. Right. He asks Rebecca what she thinks, and she agrees that Aman should testify. Apparently, although the prosecution's case is thin, they do have phone records of Aman calling his brother. "Yes," he says, "because I was about to visit." People generally call before they fly miles and miles to Pakistan. Rebecca interrupts him to repeat that she doesn't think it looks good: "It's going to be hard for the jury to believe your brother risked burning your wife openly without some assurance of a pardon. Particularly, when the punishment is death by hanging." Aman asks if Rebecca thinks he's guilty; Rebecca responds that her opinion doesn't matter. He snaps back, "Well, I'm taking a poll." The lawyer looks at him strangely and says, "You pardoned the man that killed your wife." He asks, "Could you kill your sibling?" Bobby interrupts, because he can't stand going five minutes without talking. The Emperor waves his hand around in Aman's face to make sure he's paying attention. The handsome man buries his hands in his own face so as not to be persuaded by the Emperor's hypnotism. Then Bobby explains that it's not going to be enough to simply denounce the murder; he'll have to denounce the honour killings, and it's probably a good idea for Aman to "distance yourself from your homeland altogether." Because he's on trial for being Pakistani-American. Because race really matters in the justice system. And he should be convicted simply because he's foreign. Whatever. I'm disgusted. Honestly. Aman pipes up that he's proud to be an American, but he's also proud to be Pakistani, and he certainly won't denounce his homeland. Word. Bobby repeats that he thinks it's a good idea, and Rebecca complies by nodding her head.
Courthouse. Tenacious G is testifying to the fact that he did see Emma stuffing software into her purse. Karen points to the woman sitting beside Harland and says, "You saw this woman." Tenacious G agrees, and then explains that he started to approach her, but she knew he thought she was suspicious. Yeah, because the whole Tenacious G uniform wouldn't have sent the alarm bells off or anything. Then Emma took off and the guard couldn't catch her. "Well, I inadvertently collided with another customer," and as a result she "eluded" capture. Again, Karen points to the defendant to make sure Tenacious G has the right suspect. Why are they prosecuting this so violently? Don't they give shoplifters a few warnings before they drag them into court? What's she really going to get? A couple weeks probation and some community service hours? Maybe mandatory counseling? Anyway, Tenacious G is absolutely sure "Emma" was the woman he saw stuffing the software into her purse. She even has the same dress on. Eugene turns to Harland as Karen finishes up with the witness and says, "She couldn't have come to court in a different outfit?" Judge Hiller calls on Eugene to start his questioning, but Harland is going to take this cross. He stands up dramatically and encourages Tenacious G to verify that he did in fact see "that woman" steal the software. Three times he asks the question. And then sits down. Eugene: "Nothing further?" Harland: "It went well." Eugene: "What went well? You just got the witness to confirm the I.D. three more times." Eugene snarls, "We represent the defendant!" While Eugene and Harland are whispering, Judge Zoey wants to know if they have something to share with the court. Again with the dramatic stance, Harland says, "At this time, we would ask that the real Emma Luger please stand up!" He points to the gallery, where a different woman, Emma Luger, is standing. The woman sitting beside them at the table is Marjorie Hooley. Wow, Harland's been watching too many re-runs of Matlock. You can only imagine how peeved both Eugene and Judge Hiller are as she calls all of them into chambers.
Judge Zoey is pacing. Harland feels the need to speak, which I think is an ill-advised decision on his part: "Justice demanded it!" Judge Zoey stops pacing: "Justice demanded you commit a fraud on the court?" She charges both Eugene and Matlock Jr. in contempt of court. Karen insists that Judge Zoey declare a mistrial. Unfortunately, the defendant might walk with a mistrial because double jeopardy has been attached. And you can imagine what might happen if all those violent shoplifters were set free. Karen's strategy: "I would suggest you declare a mistrial on shoplifting, hold the defendant in contempt of court, and slap her hard!" Eugene calls Karen unethical. They bicker. Helpful Harland insists, "I think we should finish the trial and all learn from our mistakes!" If judges were allowed to give stink-eyes, Judge Zoey would most certainly be giving one right now. She orders that both women sit at the defense table, and that the witness will be allowed to give a second identification. Harland protests. But not too loudly, because Judge Zoey puts him smartly in his place.
The Firm. Ellenor and Lindsay are going over some sort of parental rights contract. This causes Jimmy to make some more snarky Dr. Laura-inspired remarks about single parents. He then comes clean to say, "This single-mother thing, more times than not, it's a selfish thing to do." Someone please, please kill him now? His indignant tone continues, "You're getting a child. Good for you. As for the baby, she's getting a life with no father. It's tough enough growing up these days. I'm just saying, any coincidence that you didn't consider that contract from the child's side." Wow, Jimmy's suffering from Moral Overboard. What a jackass. There are millions of children who grow up fantastically every single day being raised by single parents. Hell, I was one of them. My father raised my brother and me after we lost our mother in a car accident. Ellenor tells him to go to hell, "which I know you believe in given the origin of most of your beliefs." The Dance Of Detestable Doctrines rises up behind Jimmy's righteousness. They start arguing. He barks something about insulting him as a Catholic, and Ellenor screams back that she's insulting him as a friend, as someone she expected to be there for her. Then she just walks out the door, leaving Jimmy to stand alone in a room filled with a bunch of women. Yeah, I'll bet that's a comfortable place to be. ["I hope he chokes on it." -- Sars]
Courthouse. Aman is testifying. He absolutely did not think his brother would set his wife on fire. Honestly, that's not a thought that would just "jump" into someone's mind. Bobby wanted to know how Javed knew about the affair. Aman explains how he was very hurt and needed to share his feelings. Bobby asks how Javed responded. "He was angry, but he certainly gave me no indication that he planned to take her life." Then Aman explains that honour killings are an ancient custom, one not sanctioned by Pakistani government or by Islamic law. Did his brother believe in honour killings? No. He was an educated man. The music starts to prance around as Bobby brings up the fact that Aman pardoned his wife's murderer. As much as he hated him, as much as he will never be able to forgive him, "I couldn't sign his death warrant." Helen gets up off her high horse for a minute and cross-examines the witness: "Your brother decides to redeem you by burning your spouse alive and he doesn't check with you first?" Aman says that Javed knew he would have stopped him. She throws up the whole pardon thing, and then wants to know why Javed isn't in court testifying on Aman's behalf. Helen keeps going on about how "in [his] country," isn't it a disgrace to be a convicted murderer. The last time I checked, Aman was living in America, which would make the good old United States of America "his country." Helen keeps talking. And talking. Bobby objects. He wants to know what the relevance is; Helen's response: "This is win/win. One brother gets rid of a wife while the other one gets to enjoy a hero's status." Oh, please. Now who's talking about people as if they were commodities? Honestly. Blah dee blah, Helen keeps questioning: "It wasn't at all foreseeable, knowing Pakistani culture, that your brother might kill your wife?" Because that's what men do in all "foreign" cultures, run around killing their wives; there is no possible way this could have been a mistake, or something that happened in a fit of rage, or millions of other explanations. Aman is justifiably disgusted with Helen's question. Helen throws in some other obscure custom whereby young girls are used to settle differences, causing the Emperor to throw up his hands in disgust, causing a tornado in Florida, making it even harder to figure out who gets to be the President, and objects. Helen gets back on track: "He knew where he was sending his wife. And he knew what would happen to her." Like I said, because every single man in Pakistan goes around killing, or thinking about killing, their wives for adultery all the time. Shut up, Helen. She finally gets around to some evidence by asking Aman about the phone calls. He explains that they were about his own trip. That's it. This is apparently a bad thing, because Helen whispers: "With respect to your trip." And then dismisses the witness. The Coda Of Completely Irrelevant Questioning tears up the scenery, and everyone looks defeated.
She has no case.
Courthouse. Harland and Eugene are in a side room discussing the case. Tumbledweebs didn't think he was doing anything illegal. Eugene is mad. He starts screaming about his reputation, about how Harland asked him for advice, and about how his farce could damage both his and Eugene's reputations. Harland responds by explaining that he's out of his office, he's been evicted, and it's hard to get clients when you can't win a case, it all depends on this, blah blah blah victory-cakes. It was all worth risking contempt. Eugene leans in: "When this case is over, don't you ever, ever come and see me again. You got that?" Harland looks up at him and says: "Got it." Poor, downtrodden little man. Hey Harland, find ANOTHER profession.
Courthouse. Oh, the closings. Bobby's up first, as always. His argument is that the Commonwealth's case contains no evidence whatsoever. Which is true. Their entire case is built upon the fact that Aman and Javed were brothers, and that's about it. Okay, you know what? Could Javed have not entered an affidavit from Pakistan explaining that Aman had nothing to do with it? Could Bobby not have found a witness to deconstruct/explain/clarify ancient Islamic customs for the jury, so that they wouldn't just see Aman as the only representative from Pakistan? Oh, wait, I must have been confusing Aman with Scott Wallace, a defendant Bobby actually cared about. Yadda yadda the family wants justice; yeah, they can't get the real killer, so Aman should take the fall. Yeah, we know, the DA wants somebody to pay. Isn't that ridiculous, the Emperor notes. Hey, jury, there's no reasonable doubt, because there is no evidence, none -- therefore, Aman should not be convicted. Then it's Helen's turn. She makes an overtly jingoistic argument. She uses the word "tribal" again. Complains about a non-existent conspiracy. States that the defendant is taking advantage of our higher burdens of proof, calls Pakistan "a nation that burns bad wives." Then says, "In America, we don't do that, we don't condone honour killings, we don't consider any murder to be honourable." Oh, please -- you most certainly do, when you're defending your right to life or your right to property you most certainly do condone a murder; isn't that what the laws of self-defense are based upon? Let's just make a checklist of the colonial underpinnings of that particular argument: 1. There is the "us vs. them" mentality. Check. 2. There is the "indigenous cultures as savages" stereotype. Check. 3. There is a marked inability to actually understand a custom or law before condemning it as ungodly, as un-American. Check. 4. There is a rampant disregard for the laws of said country where the crime was committed. Check. Wow, Helen, you'd make a great colonial dictator. Let's fly you back a hundred years and plunk you right in the middle of Africa where you belong. ["And let's remind her that the United States still has a death penalty." -- Sars]
Courthouse. Karen has Tenacious G back on the stand to identify the woman who stole the software. Again, he identifies Marjorie Hooley instead of Emma Luger. They've switched dresses. He says three times that it was the woman in the blue dress. Then Judge Zoey snaps, "Are you sure it wasn't me?" Heh. She enters a verdict of not guilty and tells Ms. Luger she is free to go. Heh. She sentences Harland to fifteen days in lock-up for being in contempt of court. He takes his sentence like a man, and he's ecstatic because he's finally won a jury trial. Harland holds his head up high as he is carted out of the courtroom by the bailiff.
The Firm. Jimmy and Ellenor make up. He admits to having a problem with single mothers. He does consider Ellenor family, and that means it is okay for him to butt his gargantuan head into her business. Blah dee blah while he doubts what she's doing, or the decision she's made, blah dee blah he'll be there for her. All Ellenor wants is for Jimmy to be happy with her. Now, is that too much to ask?
Final commercials.
Courtroom. Judge Kittleson is studying the verdict. She asks Aman to rise. The jury has reached a verdict. They find him guilty on both counts -- on the accessory charge, and on the conspiracy to commit murder. The Family is joyous. The Emperor asks that the court find Aman not guilty not withstanding the verdict. Now, this would have been the right decision, but Kittleson refuses. Aman is remanded into custody, and the trial is adjourned. There is a bad taste in my mouth. Bobby stares down Helen. The music makes me nauseous.
Chambers. Bobby bursts into Judge Beautiful's office and gives her a piece of his mind. He claims she knows there was no basis for that verdict and that she ignored that fact. He's always known her to be a judge who is about the law, and "despite all the wacky stuff" that she's got going on, when she puts the robe on, she's a fair, good judge. He points a finger and almost punctures a lung. His hands throw an invisible volleyball at the judge: "Helen Gamble delivered one of the most bigoted closings I have ever seen." Word. "And you didn't blink." He points down to the ground and digs through to China: "There has been so much prejudice in this trial, I could scream." Oh, wait, you already are screaming. "And the most prejudice was in the form of that verdict." They fight for a while longer. Judge Beautiful claims that Helen's bigotry is actually the client's motive, "and she is free to argue that." Also, the jury found the circumstantial evidence to be compelling, and so they've convicted. Lastly, "any man whose brother burns women alive, he can't be all good. Now please leave." Wow. Bobby says, "I guess prejudice is cloaked in black robes sometimes too." She again tells him he'd better leave. For maybe the second time in Bobby's life, he actually listens and exits her chambers. Well, it's nice to see him stand up and actually do something for his client. Too little, too late, Donnell -- too little, too late.
County Jail. Eugene visits Harland in jail. He jokes about them taking away his tie and his shoelaces like he was going to hang himself or something, "on this day!" Harland continues, "Coming off of victory? Yeah, right!" The Melody Of The Day Of The Underdog rises up as Harland apologizes to Eugene. They bond. Maybe we'll be seeing more of Harland. But, Lord, I hope not.
week on The Practice: There is a videotape of a man, William Hinks, talking about dismembering his victims alive. A woman named Jeannie is asking if Lindsay will represent him; she refuses because she "doesn't do serial killers." Jeannie insists he's not the serial killer who murdered those women. In court, William Hinks jumps up and tries to discharge Lindsay as his counsel. At least we've moved away from wife killers, finally.