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It's the day of the office's garage sale, like that's a thing, and it sets a number of events in motion. One is that Darryl and Andy try to hustle some cash from Kevin by playing him at his old Dallas board game, but he gets the better of them. Another is that Dwight sets out to trade up to the most valuable item in the sale by starting with a thumbtack. At which he succeeds, only to trade it for Jim's magic beans. Oh, and there's something about Michael wanting to propose to Holly.
He actually sets things in motion the old-fashioned way by calling Holly's dad. When word gets back to Holly, in deeply garbled form, it's clear that her parents aren't doing so great, and she feels the need to go home to Colorado. She's prepared to propose to Michael so he can come with her, but he's been spending the day preparing to propose to her. Which he does, and with the help of Oscar and Ryan and the Halperts and everyone else it's dorky and perfect and I'm telling you right now I'm not going to spend a lot of time on the weecap linking to all the old episodes he brings up. And of course Holly says yes, and of course everyone is thrilled for them both -- until they hear that Michael is going to Colorado with her. And just when he was starting to get really awesome, too.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!There's a garage sale going on in the warehouse, with everyone set up behind tables of the useless crap from their homes that they're trying to get rid of. Pam tells us that ten percent of the proceeds will go to the party fund. Is this during a workday? Because they're all wearing their office clothes. I guess it's not like they'd be getting anything done anyway. Dwight counts down and opens the big door, and lets in so much cold air everyone wants him to close it again. Dwight refuses. Andy wrestles him for it. Aside from what I can already tell is going to be an incredibly annoying cross-promotion for an animated kids' movie bouncing around in the corner of the screen, that's about it.
Short cred--
Dwight's got a thumbtack, which he plans to trade up to "the finest item here" by the end of the day. He starts by offering it to Meredith to straighten her sign, in return for a half-used candle. "That's how it's done," Dwight smugs to us.
Kevin wants to buy Michael's St. Pauli Girl neon sign, but Michael doesn't want to let go of it for less than $500, even as Holly negotiates low double figures. "Get lost," Michael finally tells Kevin. Michael admits to Holly that the only reason he's selling it at all is that it's more of a bachelor pad item, and she suggests putting it in storage, "In case..." Well, that could get fraught in a hurry, but they quickly assure each other that they don't have an "in case." And then Michael says to an old lady interested in his vintage Slip n Slide, "Get lost."
Cut to Michael in his office, on the phone to Holly's dad. He kids that he's going to fire her, then gets slightly more serious and says he wants to discuss his "intentions." Namely asking her to marry him. This he leaves in a voice mail. Old-fashioned, and yet not.
Dwight is making a case to Kelly for the value of the half-used candle, which she can pull out and make Ryan think, Who else is she seeing? I'd better lock her down fast. Of course Kelly has no defense against this argument, so he ends up with her Helen Fielding and Jennifer Weiner collections. She probably never read them anyway.
Andy marvels at Kevin's old Dallas board game. Even though the rules are missing, Darryl suggests playing Andy for money, and Kevin's in too.
Dwight is curious about a small envelope on Jim's table labeled "professor copperfield's miracle legumes." Jim snatches it out of view and acts like it's a big secret, "reluctantly" telling a story about buying them from a mysterious man while lost in Jamaica. But he does not want to sell them, he claims. "Nice try. No, terrible try," Dwight smirks. Can we just skip to the end of this subplot, since we know how it's going to end?
Holly's on the phone to her parents in her office. They apparently got Michael's message, at least in some sense, and Holly thinks she has a clue what it was about. But that becomes rather secondary as Holly realizes that neither of them, especially her dad, seems to be all there. I'm going to give the show the benefit of the doubt and assume that wasn't supposed to be funny.
Pam's buying coffee from Hank when she glances out the front door and sees Michael pouring gasoline on the parking lot. She rushes out, babbling, "Hi, I'm just coming out to see what you're doing and maybe stop you!" Michael asks for more gas, because, "I'm asking Holly a question in fire." Pam's excited that he's proposing, but when he asks her to light it for him, she starts to run inside with the matches and the empty gas can. "You've had two ideas today, and one of them was great, and the other one was terrible," she says. Michael's "not in the mood for riddles," but she's going to get a hose.
Ryan's selling bottles of his mom's pesto, which he got her to make for what he claimed was a "Pesto Party," and then he stuck on labels marked "Mama Sally's Homemade Pesto" with a picture of Phyllis looking out in annoyance. Dwight compliments Ryan's entrepreneurial mind and starts flipping through an old photo album of Stanley's, which he says he plans to throw away. "Why would I want some random black man's old photo album sitting on my bookshelf? I'm not James Franco." With that, Ryan's sold. Dwight THs about all the garbage, crap, and junk from everyone in the office that he used to trade up to "a very cute squid that Erin happened to have." He shows us the stuffed cephalopod. You thought the cute squid was Gabe, didn't you? Heh, heh, no, Gabe's not cute.
Dwight notices Jim's "miracle legumes" back out on the table, and Jim snatches them away. Dwight scoffs some more, so Jim dramatically announces, "This ends now!" He crumples the package, throws it on the floor, stomps on it, and throws it away. Dwight is not unmoved.
Pam tells Michael that everyone's in the conference room, for a meeting he doesn't remember calling. It's really just Jim, Oscar, and Ryan, who Pam brought in to talk about Michael's proposal. Michael thinks they're trying to talk him out of it, but they unanimously agree that Holly's perfect for him, and they want to help him plan how to ask her. "So it's safe, and responsible, and realistic, and doable," Pam explains. Oscar describes a pretty standard proposal, adding, "If you are in costume, you did something wrong. If at any point you find yourself tying the ring to a dog's collar, stop. And look at yourself."
Andy and Darryl are making Kevin crazy by playing Dallas by the rules they're making up as they go along (and making me crazy with their annoying, fake southern accents). Andy even takes Kevin to task for not stapling the instructions to the box, "Like a normal human bein'." Is that normal? I'll admit that it's not stupid, even if it is a bit anal. In any case, their standard response to all of Kevin's objections is "That's Dallas."
"Ryan, where did you get this picture?" demands Oscar, holding up a bottle of "Senior Chico's Hot Cha Cha" salsa, illustrated with a photo of Oscar with a sombrero Photoshopped on. "My mom also makes the best salsa," Ryan THs. Wow, that's an old-school Michael move.
Holly is asking advice about her parents from Phyllis, who has apparently put her own mom in a home recently. "If you wait for the day when your parent comes to you and says, 'I can't take care of myself,' that's never gonna happen," Phyllis says. And since this scene is kind of a downer, Phyllis ends it by interesting Holly in a box of bras she has under her table.
Proposal brainstorming is still going on upstairs. Michael suggests throwing a corpse off the roof and when its head pops off he says, "I lost my head when I fell in love with you." Which is a terrible idea, because the head might not pop off. Michael says he already has a ring. "Don't think you need the corpse, then," Jim says. Michael pulls out said ring and shows them a rock the size of a peanut M&M. "Holy shit, is that real?" Pam blares. "They say three years' salary," Michael says. Pam says he doesn't have to get fancy (especially now), and tells the story of Jim's proposal to her, and how it was perfect. Michael pretends, poorly, to be touched by Jim and Pam's magical moment at a gas station during bad weather, but he's looking for an event. Pam says Holly isn't going to say no, but Michael's still scared. "I knew Pam was going to say yes but I was still scared," Jim says. Pam smiles sweetly. So, why is Ryan here?
Michael joins Holly in the break room, figuring that even though they haven't sold anything yet, they'll just wait until the end of the day. "People get desperate and they're gonna pay anything." Garage sale freakonomics. Holly breaks the news that she needs to go home to Colorado for her dad. Michael, taking it pretty well, asks for how long, and whether he's all right, and whether Holly is, and he continues to understand. He doesn't even look like he wants to cry. "And I want you to come with me," she adds. She says that's a lot to ask of a boyfriend, and works up to what sounds like it's going to be a proposal. Michael, who was looking a little slow on the uptake on that score until now, stops her at the last second: "No, no, no, shhhh...shut it." He gets up and flees, saying, "Nope, nope, nope." Holly, at her desk: "Uh, what?" Michael, in his office: "No, I am not going to be proposed to in the break room! That is not going to be our story. Should have burned this place down when I had a chance."
Kevin is getting so frustrated with Andy and Darryl's freewheeling game play that he decides he wants his money back -- but the mug they stuck the wager cash in is empty. "I am never, ever, playing games with you two again," he declares before storming off. Andy and Darryl are left to look at each other in confusion. Outside, Kevin holds up the cash, proudly saying, "And that is Dallas." Another win for Kevin! That makes, what, three?
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Dwight's walking across the warehouse floor with a giant telescope marked $150.00. Jim compliments him on it, but when Dwight sees the "miracle legumes" back on Jim's table, he says he'll take them. "They're probably worthless," Jim says, handing them over. Dwight agrees, and as he walks away, Jim says, "Leave the telescope." In a TH, Dwight talks about his day's journey with its humble beginnings and how it led him to discover what's really of value. "And I can just go buy another telescope."
Michael comes down to the warehouse to find Holly counting the thirteen bucks they've raised today. He's even happier to see that they still have most of their stuff. Holly says she's sorry for putting him on the spot and she's not going to Colorado. Michael invites her to go for a walk. "I want to show you some stuff," she says. Holly smiles like she knows what's coming. She really doesn't.
First is the lobby that's now Hank's, one of Michael's favorite places in the world because it's where Toby announced that he was going to Costa Rica. After groping Pam. Not that Michael was there when that happened. "Happiest day of my life, until the day you came to replace him." Which isn't entirely true, because the day Michael met Holly was also the day he found out Jan was pregnant. is the stairwell, where they first kissed, and the landing where they first made love. "Remember what I tried there?" he reminds her a few steps up, making her blush. Outside his office, he shows her how he first saw her though those blinds, with all her boxes, "And I thought you were the prettiest mover I'd ever seen." Actually he hated her until she talked to him, but that could ruin the moment. As for his desk, that's where he was sitting at that desk when he called to tell her he had herpes and was still in love with her, "And you said that it was over and you didn't love me, and thank goodness none of that was true." Including the part about Michael still being in love with her? "Including the herpes. Ingrown hair."
Then the conference room, where they co-ran their first meeting on obesity awareness, and she first met Michael Klump. "That's where you realized that Meredith was prostituting herself for Outback Steak." He says it was cute how wrong she thought that was. Then to the water cooler, where he used to stand so he could stare at her through the window. Although now the blinds are closed, so nobody's staring at anything. "Let's go in here," he says, opening the door. And there's everyone else -- everyone -- lining the hallway to the annex, each holding a candle. And not half-used ones, either. Michael says this is where their love faces its toughest test. "After this it's all smooth sailing for the rest of our lives." Or at least the rest of the Michael episodes. Jim says, "Holly, will you marry me?" Holly says no. I have to assume Pam agreed to this. Stanley asks, and Holly says no to him, too. "That guy's got more than he can handle as it is," Michael remarks. Oscar also proposes, and is politely turned down. "That marriage would be a sham," Michael says. Gabe asks, and Holly gives what Michael calls an "easy no." She also declines a proposal from Angela, although Michael admits, "That would be hot, I would pay to see that." She also says no to Ryan. "Only one that I was kinda worried about," Michael says. I bet Kelly was too.
On into the annex, where there are candles covering every possible surface -- not just Holly's desk, but Kelly's and Gabe's too. Not too late to burn the place down after all, I see. Holly walks in and Michael says, "This is where I fell in love with you. And this is where I ask you to marry me." The rest of the gang, still out in the hallway, opens the blinds to watch. Michael gets down on both knees, and so does Holly. Michael begins what's clearly going to be a big speech -- and that's when the overhead sprinklers start going off, soaking everyone. After a moment of shocked laughter and recovery, Michael wisely forgoes the speech, presents the ring, and asks in a bad Yoda voice, "Holly Flax, marrying me will you be?" "You're wife becoming me will I," she says, and they both crack up before he puts the ring on her finger and they kiss. Everyone else cheers and bursts into the room with their congratulations. Shouldn't someone be trying to figure out how to turn the sprinklers off? But first, Michael breaks the news to everyone else that they're moving to Colorado. "All of us?" Kevin asks. "Yup," Michael says. He explains about Holly going back home, and how he's going with her. Just like that. Everyone else suddenly looks a lot less happy. Either they're going to miss Michael and Holly, or they've just realized that everything on their desks is getting ruined.
The tag is just Dwight watering empty planters outside the building. Jim watches surreptitiously from around the corner, and the moment Dwight's gone, he starts wheeling out a cart of fully-grown plants. Oh, Jim, you scamp. I hope the telescope was worth it.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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