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The task this week sends the teams to Home Depot to do a "clinic" of some sort. At first, Net Worth appears to be off to a better start, until it becomes clear that they don't really realize that there's a fine line between "mobile kitchen island" and "twenty-five-dollar utility cart I could get at Target and wouldn't have to STAIN MYSELF." Oh, and it's good if, before you demonstrate how to build something, you actually understand how to build it. At any rate, over at Magna, Craig takes all manner of crap from his team about his idea to build storage boxes, but when it becomes clear that he's not trying to sell a box as much as he's selling the personalization of the box, things come together rather nicely. I mean, you don't need hard-boiled eggs, either, but that doesn't mean a lot of people aren't cranking up the dye right about now. So in the end, Magna wins by a mile, sending Angie and her team to the Boardroom. Chris's temperamental outbursts are getting worse by the week, and it looks briefly like that, combined with his tobacco-chewing habit, will doom him. But ultimately, Erin's inability to keep her mouth shut and her need to wink at Donald Trump dooms her to a well-deserved firing. It's not good to get too overconfident, there, chickadee. Really, really not good. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on All John Needs Is To Get His Boogie Down: The teams negotiated "personal experiences" with music stars (in the case of Gene Simmons, perhaps a little too personal), and Craig and Tana thought big with Moby and Li'l Kim and nailed down a week on tour with each, while John and -- well, just John, since he didn't really let anyone else participate -- went for the opposite of broke with the slightly smaller idea of playing a few songs in someone's yard. John treated the women on his team like accessories, and thus was the only one left standing to take the blame, and he went home. Of course, you couldn't tell at the time that his ideas are as crappy as you can tell they are when you watch the previouslys, because in the original show, it wasn't accompanied by quite so much of the Merrily Honking Bassoon of Incompetence. Oh, and Trump thought that Erin was totally awesome on television. Of course, Trump also probably thinks Trump is totally awesome on television. Will her newfound Trumpularity pay off for Erin? Will it mean that (horrors) the big guy can't take her seriously? Nine are left. Who will go ?
For whatever reason, our New York porn this week starts with a view of the stock market ticker rendered reflected in something and rendered in reverse. It's always sad when you can tell that the camera guys are bored, like, "I did not go to school to shoot punks dragging suitcases down the hall." Anyway, after a weird and unnecessary establishing shot of the "Trump Tower" lettering, we finally make it back up to the Love Palace, where the Aspiring Corporate Weasel Death Watch is in full swing. The one thing that everyone is in agreement on is that Trump will not be firing Erin. Angie, in a balcony interview, says that she suspects that it will be John who won't return. At the very least, she thinks it will John or Chris. In other words, who's being fired? "Not Erin." See? The aspiring corporate weasels who are lying in wait hear a sound, and they think that it might be the pitter-pat of returning Boardroomers. The door opens, and Erin confidently strides in, moving with such enthusiasm that her hair actually streams out behind her. And there's Chris, so now they know. Angie runs over and hugs Chris very enthusiastically. Stephanie and Erin, unsurprisingly, hug also. But then, they're like that.
Erin, wearing an alarmingly ugly green poncho, gives an interview in which she congratulates herself for her ability to "speak like a rational human being." In the L-Pal, she retells her glory from the Boardroom and saving herself by not talking, despite the fact that she sort of almost sandbagged herself exactly by talking. Angie then interviews that Erin is "a contender." She says that with Erin's intelligence and ability to talk her way out of situations, she's "quick as a whip." "And," Angie adds, "it doesn't hurt that every time you turn around, you see her ass." Well, jeez. I realize you people probably know this, but it hurts me. We then watch the montage of Erin shaking her bon-bon here and there, and then...Erin and Stephanie are making fart jokes? Or something? I mean, nothing against fart jokes, but there's something about people who do fart jokes and clearly have no other jokes that just kind of kills fart jokes for the rest of us. At any rate, they're all screwing around, and Angie interviews that Chris, Stephanie, and Erin are all her "adopted kids," because they act like such morons all the time. I'm sure Angie's actual kids are very flattered. The silliness continues, with Erin and Stephanie doing "not-so-fresh feeling" jokes that were old about fifteen years ago, and Angie clarifying that she won't hesitate to ground them if they don't knock it off. So knock it off! For once, Angie and I are in complete agreement.
Magna has a...very unusual "meeting" in which Craig tells them that obviously, since he hasn't been PM yet, it's his turn. He claims in an interview that he's "looking forward to stretching [him]self," which would be a lot more convincing as a yoga-esque expression of leadership passions if he hadn't appeared to dodge the PM spot for such a long time. Stranger still, Craig then says that he wants to read them all "an inward expression of who [he is]," in the form of...a poem? A mission statement? A manifesto? It has some stuff in it about how it's better to be by yourself than with people who suck, and that doesn't seem like an auspicious beginning for a PM on this show. But everyone tries to look serious, and then there's this great interview clip of Tana where she says, "Craig sat us down and just started talking about...something about..." and then they cut it off. Awesome. We return to Craig, lecturing about "seeking" and "insight" and something something, and the entire team is looking at each other like they're wondering whether they're allowed to crack up, and they're pretty sure they shouldn't. Alex asks if someone should say a prayer, and Craig says "definitely," so they all...hold hands. It's a prayer circle, y'all. Alex says in an interview that the team is supporting Craig and everything, but they don't really understand what he's talking about at this point. Maybe that's where the faith part comes in. Anyway, Alex just thinks that Craig "doesn't communicate his ideas effectively." Unlike Alex, who will not hesitate to go out and learn slang from 2002 if that's what it will take to drive a point home and reel in the victory for the team.
The morning, we return to the L-Pal, and the Rhonaphone is answered by Tana. Rhona explains that they'll be meeting Trump at Trump Park Avenue at 8:00 AM. We proceed over to said Trump Park Avenue, where Trump is meeting with a couple of people who are discussing with him the good fortunes of Home Depot. For whatever reason. Then the candidates show up in their Liability-Avoiding Hardhats, and Trump explains that the partially constructed apartment they're in right now will ultimately sell for $30 million. None of them, really, will ever be worth as much as that apartment, and he doesn't want them to forget it. Trump reminds us that it's his whole deal to "build things for a living," so in the task, they're going to do something vaguely but not very related to that -- Home Depot. Trump says they're the fastest-growing retailer in the United States, doing over $70 billion in sales every year. Trump explains, for anyone who doesn't know, that one of Home Depot's keys to success was getting people involved in do-it-yourself projects at home. It's also been very successful in harvesting lawsuits against itself when people do things like pull down entire toilets on their heads, but Trump doesn't mention that part. He introduces two Home Depot executives who will be overseeing the task, which is to create a do-it-yourself clinic at an actual Home Depot store. It will be a subjectively judged task, based on how creative and awesome it is. There will be no sales figures, so you'd better suck up to those executives. Mini-muffins! Bottles of wine! Seriously, they look corrupt. The team that has the better clinic will win, and the other team will go to the Boardroom and see somebody fired. Trump reminds Kendra that she's exempt from last week, and then they're off. Oh, and the real Carolyn and George are both with us this week.
Construction shots of Trump Park Avenue. Who cares? I want to see a toilet fall on someone! God.
Net Worth has a meeting in which Angie says that she'd like to be the project manager. She refers to Home Depot as "the happiest place on earth." And I suspect she means it. She also says that she thinks Net Worth can win. Better than saying they can't, I guess, although I can't imagine what makes her think that. Stephanie says that she is also a big fan of the Home Depot, and will be happy to support Angie. Angie starts by asking for ideas for the clinic itself. Erin sits there looking like she would rather be having her legs waxed. Chris, on the other hand, immediately becomes very intense for the first of many times this week, saying that they should look for something "hip and trendy" that people are putting in. Angie's idea is crown molding. Which...I understand, but I'm not sure you can just stop people on their way past and get them excited about crown molding. "I don't even know anything about Home Depot, I'm sorry," Erin abruptly puts in, proud to be the kind of person who can assure you that she always has someone to do things for her whenever she needs one. Angie interviews that she found Erin's attitude a little punk, since you don't have to do the project to help the team. Angie tosses her hair stripe a little as she points out that maybe before they pick a final idea, they should go to Home Depot and see for themselves what the deal is. What a great idea, Angie! Let's all take a not-at-all-product-placed trip to the fantasyland that is Home Depot! Perhaps there, we can see some of those smiling Home Depot employees I've heard so much about! In an interview, Erin says that when she learned the task was at Home Depot, she "almost cried." And then she says: "As a former beauty queen, I know what a crown is, but I don't know what crown molding is." The best thing about that stupid line is that LTG immediately informed me that for the rest of the week, he would be prefacing all his remarks with, "As a former beauty queen..." And he hasn't stopped yet. I highly recommend this, as it will add a touch of class to all your conversations. ("As a former beauty queen, I'll talk to you tomorrow." "Okay, as a former beauty queen, I'll look forward to it.")
Magna pulls in to Home Depot as well, just as Alex interviews wearily that Craig thought it would help them screw on their thinking caps if they all went to Home Depot. You can kind of tell that Alex thinks that's pretty ass. In the conference room, Kendra offers up the idea of a mosaic on a table. Cutting boards are brought up, or concrete benches...and then Craig mentions the box. Which I think really does deserved to be upcapped, God-style -- it's really The Box. The Box is a wood storage bin with a hinged lid, also known as a "trunk" or a "toy box." And people can decorate it themselves. Nobody loves The Box, as Tana thinks it isn't creative enough and Alex interviews that it's "boring." Who would go to a clinic to make a box? As opposed to the stampede that would show up for concrete benches, apparently. The rest of the team acts bored, and ultimately, Craig makes the call on his own that they're going with The Box, probably just because everybody else is being so freaking pissy. Alex interviews that Craig has declared the discussion over, and they're making The Box whether they like it or not. Tana tells everyone else when Craig is gone that she suspects Angie already has an idea better than The Box. "We're inches away from 'you're fired,'" Tana says, complete with cobra-hand. Hee.
This week's Trump motto is "Sell Your Ideas." We watch him tell a couple of guys something about a location that he's trying to convince them doesn't suck. He tells us that if you have a great idea and you can't sell it, it won't work for you. Welcome to the first week ever when the Trump motto officially fakes you out regarding who's going to win. One point for the imps in post-production.
Happy Fun Music from a 1950s home ec movie plays ("boop-boop-boop-boop") as Net Worth strolls through Home Depot, and Erin bitches about how she would rather have been assigned to design a shoe or a clothing line. And then she spots a toilet seat, which she declares "gross." I wonder where she thought toilet seats came from until she saw that one. Maybe she thinks they're immaculate. (LTG: "As a former beauty queen, I don't find toilet seats 'gross' so much as 'utilitarian.'") Erin informs us that Home Depot was like "a foreign country." Maybe the one that uses her horrifying poncho for a flag. In one of my favorite moments of the episode, Erin and Chris walk by a display of doorknobs, and she says, "I know how to do this! You won't believe it. I can put a new doorknob on a door." Chris: "That's what we should do, then. Brilliant, Erin." HA! Nice one, Chris. It's a nice moment for Chris, who really isn't all that clever. Later, Net Worth is in the back room looking through catalogs, looking for something to do. Stephanie comes across something known as a "mobile kitchen island." Which strikes me immediately as suspicious phraseology, like when apartments are referred to as "cute" in order to avoid saying, "You can vacuum the entire apartment with the vacuum cleaner plugged into the same outlet, and you won't need to fully unwind the cord." Stephanie explains that this will be great and creative, and then she interviews that they decided to pick up the materials and build one, just to make sure they were qualified to...you know, teach other people how to build one. Predictably, their efforts to build the "mobile kitchen island" appear rather disastrous. And involve Chris swearing. Angie explains to us that the problem is the "bunch of morons" she's working with. Wow, harsh words. Of course, Chris is jumping up and down on the partially completed "mobile kitchen island" as we speak. Angie adds that these are no longer her "adopted children," now they are her "red-headed stepchildren," and I wonder if she can find any more family arrangements to insult while she's at it. Ultimately, they finish putting together the "mobile kitchen island," and you know what it is? It's a utility cart, and they're about $25 at Target, and you don't have to do that much assembly. And nobody tries to tell you it's a "mobile kitchen island." They marvel at how "cute" it is, apparently on the basis that it actually rolls from one place to another, just like it's supposed to. They are easily impressed. Angie interviews that the island is cute -- of course, it took them hours to make, and the team is made up of idiots. George looks on. Erin makes a great show of how silly she can be as she tries to handle the saw and cut some wood. Ha ha, girls with tools! It's really hilarious, unless you've ever had to take care of yourself, which I have. Angie and Stephanie wind up walking off, Angie bitching about Erin's bad attitude, which one has to think might backfire a little bit, given Stephanie's established friendship with Erin.
In the Magna workroom, Craig has a problem. He really would like it if everyone would stop referring to The Box as "the box." He wants them to refer to The Box as "the trunk." Alex explains this in an interview, and you can kind of tell that he's like, "Dude." The team is really not helping Craig too much, particularly when Kendra calls it a "junk trunk" and Bren suggests that they sell it as a pet coffin. Snerk. Okay, I laughed at "pet coffin," but who doesn't laugh at dead pets? Anyway, everyone else laughs, but Craig looks very unhappy. I secretly suspect that omeone-say recently lost an arakeet-pay. He interviews that he knows the team isn't happy with the choice, but they've already made it, so maybe they could suck it up and not be jerks. Kendra and Tana gripe about how nobody understands what Craig is talking about. Bren and Alex, meanwhile, take what I suspect is a smoke break and talk about their conviction that Craig's idea is indeed very, very stupid. Bren wonders if they can sabotage the other team, and they laugh as Alex proposes shutting down the power.
Inside, however, Craig is determined to keep working on The Box. He gives an interview in which he explains that his team basically bailed on him, and he was pretty sure that they were off bitching (check!) and plotting how they'd blame him when the team lost (check!). Craig says he kept himself busy building The Box -- or, really, The Boxes -- and he didn't care. We watch him hammer nails. Craig tells us that the team is basically failing him utterly. And that's kind of sad. It's not like failing each other utterly isn't sort of the theme of the season, but one keeps hoping it might change. I guess not.
The day, we return to Home Depot. Craig has a chat with Bren and Alex in which he tells them that he's concerned that the team isn't supporting the project and is kind of punking out. Alex tells us in an interview and Craig at Home Depot, using "dude" a lot in both cases, that he's willing to work on the task from this point forward. He's ready to throw himself into The Box! Well, you know what I mean. "We can make it exciting by getting involved in embellishing The Box!" Craig presses to Alex and Bren. Bren amuses himself with a comment about how if they work on decorating The Box, then they would be thinking outside the...well, never mind. I really can't say it, because it makes me queasy, even though somebody else said it first.
Similarly, Kendra interviews that Craig asked why everyone was being so negative, so she and the rest of the group decided that they were stuck with The Box, and they might as well do the best they could with it. Tana coerces a perfectly nice Home Depot employee into shaking his fanny for her (it's more obnoxious than lecherous...you kind of had to be there), as she sets up tables for the task, obviously really trying to have fun. Bren snots in an interview that maybe "Craig has some 'vision' about The Box," and you can just tell that he, among all of these people, is the most amused by the fact that his team is about to embarrass itself. "I hope that everyone gets along, and The Box turns out to be a magical Box." You know, point or no point, he could stand to be a tiny bit less smug.
Net Worth, meanwhile, is about to start their "presentation." They have Erin out in the store doing promotion, telling one guy that she thinks guys who can fix stuff and build stuff are "hot." I'm sure he won't see through that one at all. Because he was born yesterday, and has never had a woman attempt to extract anything from him through flirtation before. Angie explains that Erin was put in charge of marketing because she had absolutely nothing to do with the creative aspect of the task. As a former beauty queen, I have to say I don't think I would have put Erin on any particularly punishing DIY-related detail either. Erin tries a new stereotype-driven approach when she tells some woman that doing the task was "empowering" for her, and the lady really doesn't look like she came to Home Depot in order to be fulfilled in that particular manner, to tell you the truth.
Stephanie starts the presentation, telling everyone that "this little cart can go anywhere in your house." Thus, you know, the use of the word "cart," with its vague suggestions of...mobility. Stephanie also promises that it's possible to put the whole thing together in fifteen minutes. Or, of course, buy one at Target. And then -- oh, man. They're staining the wood for the top of the cart. Why would you do that? For this dinky little project, you're going to get all newspapering-the-floor and all that? Damn. If I'm getting out stain, it's going to be for something better than a rolly-cart that isn't even big enough to put a microwave on. One of the Home Depot guys says that he does like their energy level. Oh, hello, bright side! We're looking on you. Angie interviews that in order to make sure that the presentation was loud enough, she involved Chris. You can't fault her logic in that regard. One tends to hear Chris whether one intends to or not, after all. As it turns out, like many people, Chris is louder than he is packed with finesse, and he went up front and promptly put part of the cart together upside-down. Angie pronounces Chris "amazingly bad at everything." Except, undoubtedly, volume and recreational spitting for distance. Carolyn looks on with some horror as Stephanie opens some of the supplies and some of them slide out and land on the ground. You know, when your customers fill out their comment cards at the end of a presentation like this, you're really not looking for them to deem the show "delightfully slapsticky." Furthermore, Home Depot Guy mutters to Home Depot Lady that this demonstration, sworn to take only 15 minutes, has now taken 35, kind of proving the opposite of their point. To wit, a guy on his way by helpfully says to the executives, "I like the product, but it seems too complicated." And it is! Because it's a utility cart! And there's just no need to build it yourself, let alone stain it yourself! Bleh. I think this project was foolish ab initio, and has not improved.
Over at Magna, they're bringing people in to work on the Boxes, and a particular dynamic is beginning to emerge, which is that they're selling the opportunity to make something personal, not something extra-functional. In other words, they're selling the boxes as blanks, and telling people that the key will be how they dress them up. Tana is painting kids' hands so that they can make handprints on Boxes, and that is an awesome idea. Because the kids are having a ton of fun, and because parents are big suckers for stuff involving their kids. Alex even speaks Spanish to a guy working on his Box. Yay for multiculturalism! It really is like a big Sesame Street episode. Tana paints more hands. Craig speaks admiringly about the handprint idea and the way that after all, your kids' hands "will never be that small again." Again, aww! See, they even have me doing it! And I'm really mean. Carolyn talks to George about how well Tana, Craig, and Alex are all doing. Not great news for Bren and Kendra, although I'm not sure anyone but Craig is going to walk out of this with any enormous sense of satisfaction.
Kendra gives maybe my favorite interview on this show ever -- well, maybe except for some of Troy's classic ones -- when she says that nobody on the team had any faith in The Box as an idea, and they were all wrong, and Craig was right. She pretty much says it like that, straight-up. "We did not give our leader the respect that his ideas deserved," she says. Awesome! Who knew they would ever cast anyone on this show who was remotely capable of that? Bren finds a way to remain critical, as he says that while Craig may be "brilliant," he's not good at getting his ideas across to people. Yes, indeed, it is Craig's fault that Bren snorted at this idea so emphatically that he couldn't hear it creeping up on him with its stealth excellence. Alex, meanwhile, is playing with little girls who probably think he's really cute. And he is, although again, I don't really believe in sleeping with Republicans. Craig talks about how great it was to hear and see little kids building stuff with their parents. Aw! My dad and I built a screech-owl house once. I just remembered that. We never built a mobile kitchen island, though, I'll tell you that much.
Later, the candidates cantaloupe up to hear how the task went. They all claim to have had a great time. Asked for their reflections, the Home Depot execs immediately go to town on Net Worth's sad ass. The demonstration was too much showing and not enough involving the customer -- in other words, all the customers did was watch; they didn't participate. It sucked! On the other hand, the execs think that Magna was tremendous, and they loved the way that Craig's idea involved the parents and kids. I'm not a huge fan of Craig, but I was melted by the smile that breaks out on his face here as he starts to figure out that they're going to give it to him, and that people actually came to understand the wisdom of what he was trying to do with The Box. Even Carolyn and George are smiling. The Box brings people together! Magna indeed is awarded the victory, and Tana immediately comes over, squealing, "Way to go, Craig, that's great!" I do like her, I think, even though she's dorky. Trump tells Magna that their reward will involve going up in the zero-gravity plane to float around like astronauts. So...nausea for everyone! Even more than usual. Trump can't really find a decent connection between this and Home Depot, but no matter. Oh, and week, Craig will be exempt!
In the Love Palace, we find Stephanie and Angie discussing the loss. Stephanie asks if Angie thinks she could have done better, and Angie says they all could have. Angie says that if she takes Chris and Erin, Chris will get fired, because Trump "loves Erin." Interesting observation, that. And kind of gnawing at me, too. Angie interviews that Erin has "created some kind of electricity with Trump," and she doesn't believe for a second that Trump will fire her. "She's very flirtatious with him," Angie notes. I'm glad it's not just my dirty mind there. They all bitch about not being on the reward plane -- or, actually, only Erin does. It only seems like a lot of people, because any Erin turns out to be a whole lot of Erin.
And...reward. (Worst part of the show, always, always, always.) Magna heads onto the tarmac and then toward the big zero-gravity plane. They're promised that this will be an extremely great experience, and then the plane actually goes up. Alex describes how the plane climbs, and then it starts down, and you float. And they all float, and it looks like a bunch of astronauts, only it's stupid people instead of science geeks. Bren tells us that the highlight for him was being able to do things he couldn't do as a "little fat kid." Kendra interviews that the reward was totally fabulous, and she frankly didn't even think anybody other than Craig deserved a reward based on their "attitudes," but there it was anyway. Heh. Alex closes with a rather labored bit about how Magna was literally floating in the air, and Erin and Stephanie are "space cadets," and they're on the ground, and one of them is going to be fired...basically, he lets the joke go on too about ten minutes too long, and it dies a horrible, wheezing death, despite not being entirely without merit.
Back at the Love Palace, Angie and Erin have a chat out on the balcony in which Angie tells Erin that she's being brought into the Boardroom for totally failing to contribute anything to the task. Well, that's honest, at least. When Angie recalls, for instance, not being too fond of Erin's outright declaration that she didn't know anything, Erin presses that if you don't know what you're doing, it's better to just say you don't. "I can't be the quarterback and the running back," Erin says. Wow, football terminology! You know I love me some sports metaphors. Erin asks Angie whether she doesn't agree that what went wrong happened up onstage, both because they didn't involve customers and presumably because Chris...sucked, and did the task wrong, and probably caused psychological scarring to many of the children who were present. Erin explains to us that the presentation was bad, and that was the problem, and that was Angie's fault. When Erin acts a little indignant about being brought in, Angie points out that her only other option is Stephanie and Chris; is Erin advocating that? "No," Erin says, feigning offense. Angie, choking on a fake smile, asks why, then, Erin is acting shocked. Trapped by her own maneuvering, Erin does what a lot of lawyers do, which is best described in legal lingo as, "Try to act casual." "Shocked?" she says "breezily." "I'm having a ball. I mean, this is fine by me." In that green poncho interview in which she's almost impossibly hateful, Erin says that she has a great time in the Boardroom. "Every time I speak, it's poignant, and it's accurate. As my teammates talk themselves into their graves." Wait..."poignant"? In the Boardroom? Did she tell the touching story of how her miniature golf pencil died of a burst appendix? I can't believe I ever liked her, even a tiny bit. Oh, how the mighty have gotten stupid.
Night. Ding! The candidates get off the elevator and stroll into the Boardroom. Erin's pink rolly-case reminds me once again of all the reasons I really don't like her. Trump enters and joins the Viceroys. He asks Angie why the team lost. Angie says that she thinks they lost because they started out shorthanded, and having Erin "sign off from the beginning," meaning she just decided not to participate, was their doom. "I heard she was terrible," Trump says of Erin. He then turns to her and says, in that way that can almost make me like Trump sometimes, "Why were you so bad?" It's the kind of thing I really sometimes wish Probst could say, not that he doesn't come close. Erin says that she was "unfamiliar with Home Depot" (!), and that she "tried to contribute as much as [she] could." Lie! When Trump asks Erin whether she knows anything about Home Depot, Erin says, "I know about the corporate structure of Home Depot." Lie! She adds, "I don't know how to use a power drill." "You sound like Paris Hilton," Trump says dismissively. "Paris Hilton would be better," Angie puts in. Not a lie! Angie adds that it's not like she makes her career designing home improvement clinics either, but sometimes that's the job, so you do your best. Erin, on the other hand, just up and quit. Erin is asked whether she did give up, and makes her first mistake by refusing to answer the question. Instead, she says, "I'm not the reason why we failed this task." It's unsurprising that Erin has a strategy, and as it turns out, that strategy is to point out that Angie "failed for four fatal reasons." Not a great use of "fatal," all things considered. As Erin tries to launch into her list of reasons, Angie keeps insisting that Erin was indeed the reason that they failed, so now they're snapping at each other and Erin wants to be allowed to finish and so forth. But then Trump turns to Angie and says, "Go ahead." Hee. I so wanted to hear about the four fatal reasons. Perhaps Erin can tell them to her poncho.
Anyway, Angie points out that Erin opened the entire task by saying she had nothing to offer, which Erin insists isn't true. "That's slander," Erin sputters, utterly ridiculously, in the way that makes people hate attorneys. People like…other attorneys. "Then sue her," Trump spits. "You know what you do? Sue her." Erin looks at Trump, winks, and says, "I'm not in the mood." Yeah, because you could totally win if you felt like it. Totally! Erin insists that it's "convenient" to blame her, which is true, because it's her fault. "George thought you were terrible. Carolyn thought you were terrible," Trump says. Erin, at this, is forced to admit that this "wasn't [her] best performance." Angie returns to the theme that everyone screwed up occasionally (or, as she says, "had glitches"), but at least they were trying. What Angie doesn't say here, and I think should have said, is that Erin more than obviously thought she was too good for this kind of task. Erin didn't want to take something seriously that felt like working with her hands, and that isn't cool. It's a sign, among other things, of a certain lack of character, you know?
George takes over for a blessed moment, telling Erin that the purpose of the sixteen-week interview is to learn to be versatile. He goes on to tell her that she distanced herself from the task from the beginning, and when she denies it, Chris jumps in to agree with George, which is probably excessive. Chris loses his temper again immediately as he says that Erin was looking for "that loophole" because she's a lawyer (HEY!), and he says that "the loophole is not committing to something, and that's exactly what she did." Okay, not that I'm not all over the idea of piling on Erin, but how is not committing to something a "loophole"? That's really just...a hole, kind of. Shut up, Chris. Have a decaf coffee and settle down. Erin admits that she was "out of [her] element," but insists that she tried, and Angie -- probably unwisely and unnecessarily -- says, "I think you're out of your element in being here." "Actually, I think you are," Erin snots back. Angie knows Erin is, but what is Angie? Angie is rubber, and Erin is glue. STOP. God.
Trump asks whose idea the clinic was in the first place. Angie says it was hers, and Trump gently informs her that it sucked. "She may not have shown up," Trump says of Erin, "but you made many bad decisions." He asks Angie if she would agree that some of her decisions were bad, and Angie says she made some bad ones. He asks Stephanie what she would do, given that Erin "was AWOL," but Angie, again, with the wrong choices. "And Chris? He's just a wild man," Trump says. Erin jumps into this conversation between Trump and Stephanie and says, "He's also very bad at working with people, completely lacks professionalism, chews tobacco all day long, and says curse words nonstop." Oh, come on. ["Also, 'says curse words'? What is Trump, the recess monitor? Shut up, Erin." -- Sars] Trump asks Chris if he was chewing tobacco, and he says he was, but protests on the swearing. Trump tells Chris flat-out that he doesn't want to hire somebody who chews tobacco. And...seriously. I know Trump has come in for some criticism on this point, but chewing tobacco is really...gross. It is. I've never known anybody who worked closely with somebody who chewed tobacco who didn't have some horrible story about a bottle or a cup full of spit...it's really gross. I mean, imagine somebody whose lovely habit was that at work, they chewed up crackers and then spit them into a cup. You know? Trump also points out to Chris that nobody in New York chews tobacco anyway. Heh. So it's gross, and also gauche, and also he's not from here. Trump asks Chris if he uses a spittoon or what, and Erin makes this gross face as she says that he swallows it. Oh, ick.
Carolyn is all over the dynamic here as she tells Erin that nobody ever brought up the tobacco, so this whole thing is kind of foolish. Chris jumps back in, asking Carolyn if she sees how "vindictive" Erin is. Trump, however, continues grilling Chris about what he does with the tobacco juice, because he really wants to know, and Chris tries to say it's not relevant. Of course, Erin keeps talking and talking about how it's relevant because it's not professional, and Trump tells Chris again that he really doesn't want a guy out representing him who's spitting indiscriminately. Chris ultimately acknowledges that at times, he does indeed swallow it, and Carolyn goes, "Ugh," and covers her eyes, which is sort of awesome. Erin goes back to harping on Chris and the tobacco, and Carolyn says, "I think it's very convenient what you're doing." Word. Erin goes back to saying that Chris "uses foul language and chews tobacco. Unacceptable!"
Trump goes back to Stephanie, whom he was trying to talk to a second ago, and asks her who's responsible for the loss. Stephanie says it's Angie, and tries to say a little bit more, but Trump basically shuts her down at that point. Trump asks Angie who gets to go back upstairs to the suite, and Angie tries initially to choose herself, but ultimately, she chooses Stephanie. So Chris and Erin and Angie will be enjoying the final table together. Erin's push away from the table really does, as the Eagle-Eyed Forum Posters noted, appear to be a total cleavage flash at Trump, which is totally gross. Shades of, like...Heidi. And you know how that makes me feel.
In the Boardroom, Carolyn tells Trump she thinks Angie was the only one who really did anything, and "carried this team." To a loss, but still. George agrees that Angie was good, even though she may have made some flawed choices. Trump brings the candidates back in. He asks Angie whether she thinks she did a poor job, and Angie admits that she thinks she could have done better. Trump tells her that he thinks she did badly, but George and Carolyn are really siding with her, so he's probably not going to fire her unless she says something dumb. Erin jumps in about how she's been "a consistent player throughout this whole experience," and how she finds it "convenient" (there's that word again) to blame her. "Chris," Trump says, because he loves pokin' the crazy, "one minute to save your life." Chris says first that he worked his hardest on the task. "But don't you think that Erin's better than you, Chris?" Trump asks. Chris rails that she most certainly isn't. He says she just sounds better, because she's a lawyer. And he's probably played that card enough at this point. "But isn't she tougher and smarter?" Trump asks. "She's absolutely not tougher or smarter," Chris says. "I'm tougher and smarter!" Erin chirps. Chris says he doesn't think it's all that tough or smart not to work as hard as you can on a task like this. Ooh, point! Erin takes a new tack, saying, "Chris needs adult supervision 24/7." She points out his temper and, again, the lack of professionalism, and says that the team failed because of Angie's bad decisions and Chris's inability to work unsupervised. Or something.
Trump returns yet again to the tobacco thing, saying that he just can't see a guy working for him who chews tobacco. Chris announces that he will quit this minute if it's that big a deal. "There you go," Angie says quietly, in a moment I kind of liked. Trump tells Chris he's not sure Chris can quit. "I think you're addicted," he says. Chris gets louder again, saying that if it's a matter of the tobacco, he'll stop. "If I say that and I lie, you can fire me time I'm in here." "He'll quit," Angie says with a smile as Erin tries to protest that Chris is showing his temper again. "He'll quit," Angie repeats. Erin shifts her approach again, saying that the real reason Chris should be fired is that he swears in meetings with executives. Chris insists that he certainly does not, and Trump tells Erin that frankly, he doesn't give a damn about that, because he swears also. Erin tries to tell Trump he doesn't do it in business meetings, and Trump's answer is pretty much that it depends on the company. Imagine that -- Trump and I agree. Erin then brings up "anger management," and Trump says that he does see the anger thing as an issue. Chris calls himself "excited." Hee. Erin says that Chris uses foul language when he's angry "because he can't articulate himself very well." Should we tell her that "articulate himself" isn't a great construction? Nah. We'll let it go. Erin insists that Chris is unprofessional. Chris defends himself, and ultimately, he and Erin get into a little smackfest where he talks about how he's the youngest in the suite and he's a millionaire, and she talks about how she's a corporate "powerhouse attorney." Powerhouse? You can't really apply that word to yourself, so much.
"Who made the presentation?" Trump asks. "Angie," Erin says. George asks why Erin didn't do the presenting, and Erin says Angie told her not to. This gets Trump into a big huff, because he's so infatuated with Erin's VJ performance that he's convinced Angie should have let Erin be the demonstrator at Home Depot, which is incredibly stupid. Angie reminds Trump that Erin wasn't paying any attention to the task in the first place. Trump starts to complain that he's not really happy with how things are going, in that he blames Angie for not letting Erin do the presentation, and here are Carolyn and George making him keep Angie against his will. "And I've got to listen to them," he says. And then Erin brightly says, "Do you have to?" and flashes a cutesy-poo grin full of teeth. And then she winks. And then she follows up with a "don't fire me" puppy-dog face. And for once, it does not pay off, because Trump says, "No, I don't...but I'm going to." He turns to Erin and says, "You're a real wise guy, you know that?" And Carolyn is already saying, "That was a dumb statement." Which she repeats after Erin doesn't hear her the first time because of Trump. "Yeah," George agrees. "You know what, Erin?" Trump says. "You're fired." And good for him, for once.
Everybody leaves. Erin manages not to give the meaningful boob-flash this time, wouldn't you know it? Trump fired her, so...no boobs for you! The Apprenti adjourn to the lobby. Chris and Angie, up. Erin, down. And she deserves it, too. She and her red suit and white shoes and pink rolly-case. Trump says in the Boardroom that Erin is "too much of a wise guy" and "uncontrollable." He emphasizes that he thinks they all sucked, but George and Carolyn both think he made the right decision in getting rid of Erin. Outside, Erin gets into her taxi. Bye bye, baby! As a former beauty queen, I will not miss you.
In her taxi interview, Erin says that she was doomed by "inability to use a power saw." Seriously? Not the point. Way to not pay any attention to what just happened.
week: Chris is crazy! Pizza! Alex! And did we mention...Chris is crazy?