Previously on Massage-A-No-No: Put to the challenge of outfitting an Airstream trailer for a "mobile business," Magna came up with a rolling spa, while Net Worth decided to capitalize on fame-whoring (ironic!) and set up a fee-for-service casting agent, which...isn't really kosher, but whatever. Stephanie blew her stack over being asked to run menial errands not befitting a superstar like herself, while Michael fretted that he would be arrested for debauchery of some sort. The casting agent ultimately paid off (as much as a fundamentally unprofitable business can really be said to "pay off"), and Net Worth took the victory. In the Boardroom, when Bren tore a strip off of Stephanie and Michael couldn't keep his mouth shut, Michael finally ran out of ways to avoid the Trump dump, and was banished. The moral of the story is that this show has something like the opposite of a Good Samaritan law, where intervening on behalf of someone in need subjects to you severe and immediate consequences. There are 12 loonies left -- who will be the to go? And more importantly, will there be massages? Like, for the viewer at home?
The buildings of New York serve as a reminder that, if all else fails, you can always jump off of something tall. Up at the ACWDW, Erin is telling everyone she hopes Michael is fired, because he lacks the necessary "hustle." Alex, however, says that if Stephanie isn't the one fired, that's going to present its own problems, because Stephanie will hold a grudge. He then interviews that he hopes Stephanie is the one to disappear, because of her "entitlement attitude." And her "bitterness and complaining." If you got rid of Stephanie, apparently, the team would no longer have any bitterness, complaining, or entitlement. And the show would thus be 86 seconds long. "You can't change somebody who's been that way for 27 years," Alex declares. And you know, you can't have an incomplete picture of somebody you've known for, like, two weeks, either. Alex is so smart. And insightful. Shrink my head, Alex!
The door to the Love Palace opens, and Stephanie and Bren return. "Oh my God," say a bunch of voices, and a happy Erin extends a hug to the unpopular Stephanie. Alex stews in the corner. He didn't get his way! How is that possible? Incidentally, LTG and I have noted from his bio that Alex was the president of the Federalist Society in college, and regularly lament that all that cuteness has been squandered on an apparent Republican. Boo! ["Maybe he just…likes the Federalist…Papers? I don't know. I want to like him but he's making it harder lately." -- Sars] Magna sits down for a debriefing, and Stephanie says that she wants to start by saying (falsely) that she doesn't take anything that happened in the Boardroom personally. She starts crying as she explains that she doesn't want anyone to anticipate unpleasant behavior from her just because the team drew and quartered her in front of Trump. Alex comes right out and says that he did anticipate that she was going to be a bitch, but he's really happy to hear she's not. Oh, that is touching! "This is a great response, by the way," Alex says as she pours on the crocodile snorfling. I think some of them actually...are clapping a little? I don't know. Stephanie, in her multiple-levels-of-ironic "Will Work For Shoes" shirt, interviews that she now realizes that she has to be a better communicator, because some people interpret honesty negatively. In other words, everything is still her team's fault, but she will do her best to adjust to their weaknesses. Hugs, everybody! She tells the team that she's really learning something, although she doesn't mention that it's how much other people eschew honesty. Stephanie is committed to working with the honesty-haters! Oh, and then she tells them she came on the show to "learn and grow," which...I'm not ruling out the learning and the growing, but if that's your reason for being there, you could have found several more efficient ways to accomplish the same objective. Furthermore, she refers to the group as "the most successful people in the United States," and I really don't think it's a good idea for her to be having this conversation while she is evidently drunk. Or deranged. Or whatever her actual altered state may be. Bren goes over to hug her, because he just loves being one of the most successful people in the United States. And even better is having other people know that about him. The view from the top of the heap is, like, heady.
Dear Bren: I'm not so much pro-bow-tie or anti-bow-tie as I am convinced that if you're going to wear it, you need a way to keep it more horizontal, because when it's all wacky like that, it makes me want to wind it up and see if the propeller on your beanie spins. Smooches, Miss A.
The Magna love-fest breaks up after Erin tells Stephanie not to feel bad about crying, as she's already done it herself a number of times. I could slag her for being all girly, but if I had worn a green dress and Uggs, I would have cried, too.
Morning comes to the L-Pal. Angie grabs the Rhonaphone again, and learns that Trump will be waiting at the Sony PlayStation offices "this morning," and they have to be ready, because he's really busy today. So...show up whenever? Okay. Angie makes a note. I love Rhona's mint-green blouse/suit thing, by the way. And she has what appears to be a child's drawing behind her, right under the "Master Of The Universe" Trump headline, so that's a nice contrast between absolute power and childishness. Or...maybe not "contrast." Angie does a little happy dance in the L-Pal over the concept of the PlayStation, and wonders what time it is. Because she only has an entirely unspecified amount of time to get the team over to Sony, so she'd better hurry.
We swoop back to Manhattan and make our way to the PlayStation offices, where Trump is quizzing two Sony dudes (Glasses and No-Glasses) about how PlayStation is doing. Of course, they're not obligated to prove anything to Trump, for whom they technically do not work, after all, but they sort of suck up reflexively, promising that "business is great." Trump, George, NotCarolyn (sigh), and the two PlayStation suits head out to meet the candidates, who are helpfully gathered in their usual cantaloupe. Trump introduces the suits, and tells them that PlayStation is the world's largest videogame maker, and does over $6 billion a year in sales. Trump then says that there's "a new form of urban advertising," which he says is something that goes by the name "graffiti." What is this graffiti he speaks of? I do not understand it. Is it some electronic doodad? Trump does not stop to explain, but says that he's usually not happy about graffiti (whatever it may be), but "some of it is truly amazing." (Is it a kind of ice cream?) The task this week is to create a graffiti billboard for PlayStation's new product, which No-Glasses explains is Gran Turismo 4. WOOOOOOO! (Just seems like the thing to say. Sorry.) Trump says they'll have to choose an artist to create their billboard on a 20-foot wall in Harlem, and there will be a focus group from "that community" that will offer comments before the PlayStation suits ultimately decide which advertisement they're happier with. That team will be the big winners, and the other team will go to the Boardroom. Tana is exempt from last week. Aaaaand...go!
Net Worth starts off by playing what is presumably some Gran Turismo 4. John is driving his imaginary car, and after crashing it, he notes that he's not very good. This much is true. And then we peek in on Net Worth's later meeting, in which project manager Tara explains that she doesn't want "a negative spin" going into an ad in Harlem. She interviews that she "understand[s] Harlem" and "wanted to tie the ad to that community." And then she says this: "The city is a metaphor for the new game." Er. Yeah, you can kind of tell that when you start in with the city being a metaphor for a videogame, things are probably about to kind of go downhill. As it turns out, Tara thinks that you can make a parallel between the revitalization of Harlem and...well, Gran Turismo 4. In the meeting, John brusquely questions whether this is really supposed to be a "statement of social consciousness," rather than...you know, and ad for a videogame. Audrey adds, and I quote: "The game gets into different areas, though. You could be, like, in the desert, you could be in the street, you could be..." Tara ignores her. Audrey interviews that she and John have both played versions of the game, and they know that it's about racing, getting points, and "souping up your car." She insists that when it comes down to it, this is a racing game, not a game about New York. Well, and seriously, if there's one thing that city driving in New York does not suggest to me, it's speed. Maybe if it were called Gran Honkismo 4.
Tara tells the team that she does believe the ad should be fun, but also, "There are a lot of sensitivities in Harlem, and I just would hate to have people like the way it looks, and then one little thing we put in there..." And she's right, but she's also wrong in this...profound way. Glasses and No-Glasses come in to meet with Net Worth, and Tara greets them. She asks them who would be the target demographic for the ad, and they serve up your basic male 18-34 audience. No-Glasses says that they want to see the team's vision of the "hip, urban demographic," and Tara volleys back, "I am the hip, urban demographic." The team chuckles. Tara reviews this in her interview and says that she should certainly have a better chance to nail this task than Magna, so she intends to be extra-humiliated if she loses, ha ha ha. File that under Words, Famous Last.
Harlem. Various impressive displays of graffiti. In its van, Magna is brainstorming (oh, goody) about the "layout" of its ad. Alex says that he decided to volunteer to be PM because they had lost a bunch of tasks, and he's "sick of losing." And then, in the interview, he kind of shrugs and says, "I play videogames. I went to college." Heh. I like how so far, Magna has emphasized that its experience in college equips it to (1) throw keggers and (2) play videogames. Stop telling, you guys! They're already eviscerating federal financial aid. He says in the van to Erin and Kendra that they're going to pick out the artist while Bren and Stephanie work on the "concept." Because you wouldn't want to confuse the two by discussing your concept with your artist, I guess. Alex explains that he sent Bren and Stephanie to meet with Glasses and No-Glasses to find out what it will take "to convey the Sony message." That message being, of course, in the great tradition of retail, "Buy this thingie." At the same time, Alex, Erin, and Kendra are headed to a park where they're meeting prospective artists. Alex explains that he asked each artist for his or her philosophy, and then we hear one explaining how she likes to do work that "will enhance a community" while still being "fun and lively." Alex says that this woman, whose name is Lady Pink, would be just right for them, because she seems to be willing to respond to what other people want, rather than just to impose her vision on them. They choose her, and take her off to look at the wall.
Net Worth meets with several artists also. John explains that the things he was looking for were someone who had played the game, someone with a great portfolio, and someone who could be fast. Hee. They meet a guy named Ernie who meets all of their requirements. He says he's not very good at Gran Turismo, but he has played it, at least. Tara exposits that they believe Ernie can execute their vision, which it turns out is something relating to the "mean streets of New York." Because nothing says "we love you, people of Harlem" like making New York look like it fucking hates you. Not only that, but she wants there to be buildings with actual "scowling faces" inside. I'm not really getting the positive vibe she's going for, even when you add the car that she envisions "twisting" through the air. Oh, and then there will be "someone with an Afro waving them on." I can't help wondering how Tara would have reacted if anyone else had pitched the same thing, but at any rate, Net Worth takes Ernie off to its...lair, or whatever.
Magna Wall. Alex explains how they're going to have a "tricked-out" car flying through a New York skyline, and at the bottom, he thinks there should be "jungle vines." In fact, everything Alex says in this episode seems like it should be in quotation marks. He's going to put the "tricked-out" car on the "wall" for the "urban" "demographic." Because he's kind of "tooly" and still a "Federalist." We watch as Lady Pink and the team work on adding the vines to the bottom of the wall. Just then, Stephanie and Bren arrive, fresh from the Sony meeting. Stephanie interviews that one of the big lessons of the meeting was that Sony wanted things to be more hip and urban (whatever you choose to think those words mean) in order to broaden the game's audience. A dubious Bren asks what the plants are for, and Erin says it's "the urban jungle." And it's also "to fill up the space," because it's a really, really big wall, and it's not "hip" or "urban" to leave most of your workspace blank. Stephanie uses the words "hip" and "urban" yet again in saying she's not sure what the jungle has to do with the game. A conversation, believe it or not, ensues on the topic of whether a jungle is "hip-hop." Boy, is this going in a creepy direction. And then Alex gives the first of several really embarrassing interviews of the week, in which he says, "What do I know about g-wheels and 'come on, how you doin''? I mean." And...he has nothing more to add at this time. Magna bickers as they try to get the main part of their mural underway, not really sure how to translate "hip-hop" into paint. Stephanie the "supply chain consultant" (sorry, I always think that caption is funny, every time I see it, because first there were cavemen, and then there was the division of labor, and now there are people whose entire job is "supply chain consultant") interviews that Alex is responsible for making a decision about the direction for the ad, and he hasn't done it yet. "Alex is running out of time," she says, already fully satisfied for the week, because she has accomplished her goal, which is to figure out who can be fired instead of her, should it come to that. Hey, everyone has to define success in his or her own unique way.
The Trump motto of the week is "Shut Up And Listen." Trump is conducting a meeting at this very moment, in fact, in which he allows someone else to answer a question he asks about wire. See? See how he listens? He explains to us that in business, in order to be successful, you have to listen. You can ignore everything that anyone else says, but you have to pretend to be interested. And I'm kind of hearing but ignoring it as he's saying it, so I guess I already knew this, which makes me feel like the universe is reaching out to me.
Harlem. At Net Worth, there are already large red letters that read, "Gran Turismo 4" at the top of a wall that's painted pavement-gray on top. NotCarolyn comes by and congratulates them on their progress. Tara smiles and nods. When NotCarolyn asks about the theme, Tara explains that it's "old versus new," and the old buildings represent the mean streets of New York, and then things will kind of turn into brownstones in honor of "the revitalization of New York." NotCarolyn says that's a great idea for the neighborhood, but asks how this jells with what Sony is looking for from the ad. We are led to believe that Craig is over by the wall shaking his head at this point, as if he is thinking, "What indeed?" Tara's answer is that the ad shouldn't be something that will offend the neighborhood, and I think we all get that, but she clearly isn't thinking about what will make people buy videogames. It also sounds like she's sort of saying that the streets in the game -- the "mean streets" -- represent bad old Harlem, and I'm not sure Sony would really like that, like, at all. I don't think they'd like marketing the game as "Revisit crappy old Harlem, before it got better, with Gran Turismo 4!"
I really think that part of what went wrong for Tara with this task was that she had a very hard time looking at Harlem as a hard target for a marketing campaign. She feels, for good or for ill, whether you want to put a positive or negative gloss on it, protective of the neighborhood, and you can't really protect people and market them an ultimately unnecessary product at the same time. Advertising is exploitive, like, inherently. I just don't think Tara could bring herself to look at this task purely in terms of what would make the people who saw the ad shell out the cash for Gran Turismo 4. Like I said, for good or for ill, I think she felt protective, and she couldn't look around the neighborhood and think, "How do I get these people to part with money?" Which perhaps speaks well of her, but made it hard for her to do well in the task. Craig interviews with some frustration that this was all kind of dopey, to him, because the game doesn't even have "mean streets." It has regular old New York streets. That's quite a bitchface he's got going at the end of that segment. Craig characterizes Tara as possessed of a "selfish perspective" that doesn't consider the real interests of the client or even the customer. "You'll miss out on a lot," he says. And again, I don't think her perspective is selfish, although there's certainly an argument to be made that it's moderately patronizing. At least she means well, which is more than can be said for a lot of past weirdos, not to name any names, like "Tiny Stacy" or "Maria the Twitchmonster."
The sun sets. Painting continues. At Net Worth, Tara tells Ernie to run his instructions through Craig, and says she'll have the rest of the team bug Craig, not Ernie, with questions, so that Ernie can concentrate. Audrey and Craig proceed to have a spat while she's painting some windows, in which Craig puts on his Bill Cosby voice (I believe that's what he's doing; it's not that good) and "jokingly" lectures her about how she's not doing what she's supposed to be doing and so forth. Audrey interviews that she's accustomed to taking care of herself, and that even if Craig has four kids, that doesn't mean he can talk to her as if she's one of them. Ooh, and...point to Audrey, I think. "He's not going to talk down to me," she says. The two of them have a little more of a bicker session, and Craig then has a talk with Tara about how he doesn't want to deal with children (see? Audrey was right about the attitude) and how he'll just sit people down and make them watch if they don't cooperate. Tara then has a powwow with Audrey in which Audrey explains that she understands that Craig is in charge, but when Ernie tells her specifically how to do something, she feels like she should listen. Tara tries to make this conflict go away by telling Audrey that she knows Craig can be abrasive, but she'd like Audrey to try to "work with him." Not very much in the way of advice or management, there. You kind of have to say more than, "Uh, noted" if you want to make people get along better. Audrey says that's fine and goes back to work. Tara gives an interview about how Audrey has lots of conflict with different people, and Tara believes this is "telling" about the fact that it's actually Audrey behind all the problems. Or else it means her team is being a little dickish to her, which certainly isn't outside the realm of possibility.
Over at Magna, Alex is lamenting how tough "urban graffiti" is. He should try bucolic graffiti. Now that shit is complicated, with the farm equipment and whatnot. Alex gives up the fact that they actually still lack a concept and are doing "background," but he thinks that they tend to overthink everything anyway, so it's just as well that they're...painting improvisationally? I don't know. Alex goes on to talk in an interview about being in Harlem with all these white people, including Erin, who looks like a "Barbie doll-slash-Hooters waitress," Bren, who is a lawyer and also currently smoking (which I thought was a no-no), Stephanie, whose family apparently has a Gulfstream jet (?), and Kendra, about whom Alex says something incoherent about Monologues for Dummies something something. Am I stupid? Because, like, half of those insults made no sense. Erin looks like a lot of weird things, including a reformed Goth accountant, but not really a Barbie doll. And I don't know what the Kendra thing was at all. Let's just move on; my head hurts. Maybe it's paint fumes. Alex explains that because the demographic is "guys," he went out looking for the neighborhood "guys." And when he finds the neighborhood "guys," he asks them to "come over" and "take a look" at the "ad." They agree. (Sorry. Fell into it again.)
Over at the wall, one guy says he'd like to see money falling from the sky. And then this totally dopey (not dope, dopey) Alex interview shows up in which he claims that he would never use foreign lingo such as "mad props." I'm sorry, "mad props"? I think Dick Clark uses "mad props." I think Dick Cheney uses "mad props." What kind of V-neck-sweater planet is Alex living on? Oh, and the other phrase that is so foreign to Alex? "Bling-bling." Jesus. Alex seriously needs, like...I mean, he doesn't even need friends who are more culturally diverse. It would be adequate to have a few friends who are posers. ["Or access to either MTV or Us Weekly for even five minutes." -- Sars] Alex reports to the rest of Magna that the guys really liked the idea of portraying money, and Bren suggests a fist with a gaudy ring that says "PS2," which Alex calls "tight." See how he's working that hip, urban lingo? Tight! You know what else is tight? Isolationism. Alex then interviews, filled with sudden confidence, that there is no way his team will lose, because they have captured the essence of the game and put it "in a medium that appeals to people from Harlem." It's amazing what "guys" will do for you.
Net Worth wall. Tara declares that the tag on the wall should be "Tear It Up." Craig relays the information to Ernie. And speaking of tearing it up, and by "it" I mean "your contract with the devil that allowed you to build all those casinos," Donald Trump is now arriving in his limo to check on the teams. And what music are they using? Well, they're using Trump-centric hip-hop, a genre I bet you didn't even know existed. "Trump in the stretch, come to see what's , Trump's rollin' up, Trump's rollin' up." No, seriously. I am not lying. And then there's something about "DT," and yes, this is really apparently some kind of...I don't know. Never mind. I'm about to make a dork out of myself even more than usual, so let's just pretend I said something knowing and cutting about the deployment of that song in this sequence. Anyway, Tara talks about what a surprise it was to see Donald show up in his limo and everything. She's lucky she can't hear the song. Trump takes a peek at their ad and pronounces it "very nice, beautiful." They introduce Trump to Ernie, and then Trump is taking off again. Tara interviews that she wishes Trump had said "excellent." You just can't please some people.
Over at Magna, we look at the Big Fist. And Trump's rollin' up here, too. Only at Magna, Trump merely does a drive-by, and continues rollin'. He lowers the window and looks out. "That's interesting," he says dismissively as he puts up the window and drives off. Ouch. Alex is sad, and interviews that being dissed by Trump made him feel like Trump thought Magna was "a bunch of losers." And then Alex unleashes this gem from the self-esteem playbook: "I wanted to show Mr. Trump that if he thought we were losers, that he was mistaken!" Wow. Strong statement! Stick to your guns, little man! Oh, and Alex adds "amusingly" that then, he said some prayers. Which you know he did, because it's freedom of religion, not freedom from religion. He just learned that one.
Finally, it is time for Net Worth to welcome Glasses and No-Glasses for the judging. Tara shakes hands with them. They ask for a little bit of an explanation of what they're looking at. In case you didn't get a good look at the ad, it basically has a red car and a yellow car busting through some kind of gray paper barrier. And indeed, just as Tara (so literally) explained, behind the barrier are a bunch of frowning buildings making mean faces, and in front of the barrier are happy brownstones. Neither of which, apparently, is a feature faithful to the game. No anthropomorphized buildings in the game. Anyway, there is a little green box that says "PS2," and the words "Gran Turismo 4" are, of course, at the top. Oh, and the random "Tear it up." Now, there is a slight defense of "tear it up" to be made, in that the cars are being drawn as if they're busting through a wall of paper, so there are what look like torn edges in the ad, making the choice of that expression slightly less random. But as Tara explains this whole concept, everything she says is an "I" statement. "I did this," "I wanted it to say that." As Chris interviews, it appeared that she was determined to allow no credit to go to anyone else. That will not make her popular, despite the fact that I'm not sure anyone else is really clamoring for ownership of this concept. Chris adds that he thinks Tara cared more about "having an incredible art piece" than about telling people to buy the game. Which...I think is exactly right.
When Tara's presentation is over, the guys tell her that they'll bring in the focus group, so the team can back off. The focus group enters, and the team backs off. The focus group is asked to just provide reactions, and then we don't get to listen in, except to members of Net Worth talking about how much the group is sure to love their mural. The focus group finishes up, and Glasses and No-Glasses head off to meet with Magna.
At the Magna wall, Alex explains to Glasses and No-Glasses that they emphasized the "E" that says the game is for "Everyone." He also points out the prominent title of the game at the top. Basically, their mural has a city skyline, but it also has desert and mountains and stuff, and then Alex misuses "mad props" really badly and stupidly before wrapping up by pointing out the little motto at the bottom, where it says, "The Drive of Your Life." Have I mentioned that I can't wait until the "Alex coughs up some 'hip' 'lingo'" business is over? Now, the focus group comes in to look at this ad, and Magna goes off to stand in the corner and feel like a pack of nitwits. As he looks at the focus group, Alex voices over that before the presentation, he was fairly sure that his team won, but once the presentation had happened, he wasn't sure. He felt like the ad was compelling to the executives, but wasn't sure it would be compelling to the focus group, and that was kind of the way they were going to be judged. At any rate, the focus group finishes its day and is sent away.
Sunset. Ding! Time to go in and find out how the task went. But first, the teams are forced to cool their heels in the lobby, because Glasses and No-Glasses are giving the information to Trump about how they think the ads went and who won. Glasses says that artistically, he was impressed with both presentations. But one of them did a better job than the other in understanding the product and selling it. The time-lapse clock on the wall claims that this meeting goes on for, like, an hour, which I can't imagine, and then we see Trump wrapping it up, telling the guys that it sounds like whoever won did so fairly handily. Yes, the guys agreed. No, it wasn't a difficult decision. That Team That Won definitely beat That Other Team. Isn't the suspense just killing you? Don't try to tell me you don't care. Oh, you care. Trump wishes Glasses and No-Glasses well and throws them out.
And now, Glasses and No-Glasses pass the teams on their way out, and then it is time for the teams to enter and face Trump. They go in and sit down. NotCarolyn is looking very angry today, that's for sure. She just doesn't seem like a happy person. Trump tells the candidates that he was just talking to the PlayStation guys, but he's also going to play for them some of the comments from the focus group about their ads. The Magna feedback comes up first. A lady says that she likes the variety, that there's desert and city and stuff. A kid who is not a member of the 18-34 demographic, like, at all, says that the money represents making it and getting to the stage. A mom, who is also not a male aged 18-34 and whose son isn't either, says that she would buy the game for her son, because it's got the big "E" saying it's rated for Everyone. The clip ends, and despite the fact that the Magna feedback was pretty positive, Net Worth is feeling confident about what's coming up . "So, you think yours was better?" Trump asks Net Worth. They all nod confidently. Seriously, they all nod so confidently.
The first guy says that if he were driving by, he'd think it was "just another nice mural." Tana flinches visibly. Most painful of all, the guy says, "It's the stereotypical view of what Harlem looks like to some people, and not in reality what it is." The guy says that the art is nice, but it doesn't make him interested in the game. The tape stops. Trump turns to Tara and points out that the idea of the task was to sell the game, right? Trump breaks it to Net Worth that the Sony PlayStation guys just didn't think the salesmanship they needed to see was present in the ad. So at last, Magna has won its second task. Trump tells them that their reward will be advertising-related, in that they will be meeting with "the greatest photographer in the world," Patrick Demarchelier. And you can tell he's the best ever, because he shoots the covers of big magazines like Esquire. Hm. The guy gets $60,000 to $100,000 for a portrait, and for their reward, he'll be taking a portrait of each of them. Now that is a worthwhile reward, in my opinion. It certainly beats a damn picnic on Trump's lawn or swooping around in a helicopter trying not to barf up the champagne. Trump congratulates Alex on the win and his exemption week. Net Worth, on the other hand, is heading for the Boardroom. Dun-dun-dun!
Up in the Love Palace, Tara sulks. She says that the loss was very hard, and she needed time alone to "gather [her] thoughts," by which she means "assign blame." She basically says so herself, that she's going to sit down and analyze all the failures, and that they weren't hers. "I don't believe I own this," she says. Just once, I would love to see a project manager look into an interviewing camera and say, "My fault. Seriously. The entire fuck-up? My fault. I blew it so bad I'm surprised I wasn't fired in the middle of the task." I suppose no one can be perfectly courageous.
Photographer's studio. Models. Magna. Bren flirting with models. Models treating Bren like a pet. Alex being jealous. Trump showing up to look at the models. Pictures being snapped. Alex making a clumsy comparison between being in Harlem and being at the top of the world, because he just hasn't said enough things he'll regret this week quite yet. People smiling and showing their teeth.
The members of Magna are back at the L-Pal, where they are hanging their portraits on the wall. I do think those are nice pictures. Not exciting, perhaps, but nice. And perfectly chosen for these people, because what does a reality show contestant love more than his or her own image? Nothing, that's what. They'd only like them better if they were shinier.
Later, a shadow slowly covers a church steeple, so...God is mad about the way this task went, I guess. Those clouds are flying, too. Apocalyptic? Quite possibly. In the L-Pal, Tara is sitting around the table with Audrey and Angie, and tells them that she thinks the team "missed the mark on what they were looking for." So at least she didn't miss, you know, the entire point of the meeting earlier. Angie and her aqua top look bored. Audrey then tells Tara that she's frustrated about having mentioned that she knew the game and had done graffiti before, and she feels like no one listened. Tara, in an interview, declares Audrey "full of it." And she doesn't mean moxie. Tara adds that Audrey apparently knew there were other scenes besides the city in the game, and Tara snots that she doesn't understand, then, why Audrey didn't say anything. And...Audrey did, of course. The word "desert" was used. Tara then gets herself all wound up, yelling to the camera about how Audrey didn't give her the "one piece of information that would have altered the whole course of how the ad would have been done." Oh, now, it would not. And if it would have, Tara should have found out enough about the game to know whether that was the case or not. This whole thing smells like desperation with a dash of delusion to me.
Back inside the L-Pal, Tara looks for sympathy from John, telling him that if she had only known that there were scenes in the game other than New York, she would have brought those things in, and apparently, she thinks it would have made a huge difference. She adds that "one person" knew that about the game, and John casually says, "Well, I knew." We cut to Tara, shifting her eyes toward John with great fury. "I knew there was other stuff," John repeats. "Why didn't you tell me?" Tara asks, incredulous that now two people have utterly betrayed her. John basically says he thought Tara chose "the urban thing because of the street thing," and adds that it's what he would have done, too. But Tara has chosen this "I only showed the city because I thought there only was the city" approach, so she's having none of it. She interviews that she will probably be taking Audrey and John to the final table, because they "neglected to pass one key piece of information" to her. And that is, literally, the worst reasoning I have ever heard for taking people in. Even Audrey's toes, the polish of which dries as she chats on the phone, could have come up with better reasoning than that. As Audrey absently swirls an empty bottle of Trump Ice (really!), Tara interviews that they let her fail on purpose by not telling her that Gran Turismo 4 had deserts in it. I am totally not kidding. Back on the couch, John puts in his headphones all, "Whatever." He does not look too concerned that this will be his downfall. Besides, he's going to chill with his tunes, dude.
Ding! The members of Net Worth and their rolly-cases come into the lobby, and then they walk into the Boardroom. Trump comes in and is seated, and he goes directly to, "Who was the project manager? YOU were the project manager." He points at Tara. Wow. That was uncomfortable. It's never good when Trump points. He asks her what happened. She actually opens with the dumb thing about how she would have done things differently if she had had this key piece of information -- key, I tell you -- which is that there is more to Gran Turismo 4 than just the city. ["I am flabbergasted that anyone would lead with this argument. It's one thing to say you weren't given information about the budget, but to wait for someone else to tell you what the product which you are trying to advertise even does, or is? Why you would 1) do that or 2) admit to doing that is inconceivable to me." -- Sars] Trump asks who didn't give her that information, and Tara mentions both Audrey and John. John looks incredulous that Tara is actually relying on this horseshit argument. John says that he assumed Tara knew that. He also basically defends her concept as it was, saying that the city is part of the game, so there was nothing wrong with using a city scene. Audrey chooses to attack the substance, saying that she did tell Tara that there were different scenes in the game. George is irritated by this a little, and tells the women that clearly, someone isn't being straight about this, because either Tara got the information or she didn't. I think what really happened was that Tara got the information but wasn't paying attention, so I'm not sure anyone is lying, but Tara comes up with a weird explanation in which she says that well, yes, Audrey did mention that there were different themes, but Tara thought she just meant in GT3, which Audrey has played. Tara didn't know she meant in GT4. Audrey points out that it would be stupid to think Audrey knows anything about a game that hasn't even been released yet. Tara now brings up that Audrey knew more about the game than she did, and should have brought that up, since Audrey had no problem bringing up certain other things. Like...Craig!
Trump asks what the problems were between Audrey and Craig. Audrey carefully explains that Craig "seems to think it's okay to speak in a manner that's demeaningful." Oh, yes. She said it. "Demeaningful." And Craig makes a great little face, too, like, "Hm. Don't hear that every day." You should, really, shouldn't you? It's kind of tragic that that isn't a word. I don't know if it needs to be that word, exactly, but it would be great for "having a quality in which a seemingly unimportant remark is actually secretly significant because it is so cutting." Like, "He was in the middle of rattling off a bunch of pointless compliments to me, and then all of a sudden, he said something really demeaningful." I would use that. I would have used it in the last week, in that sentence, as a matter of fact. She goes on to say that Craig treats people like they need his permission for things. Craig defends himself as having only picked on Audrey after Tara told him to supervise the painting. Audrey points out that she wasn't told that Craig was in charge until after he had already been bossing her around. Craig sort of agrees, actually, and says he told Tara that if she's going to leave people in charge, she should let the rest of the team know who's in charge of what.
George now asks whose concept it was, and Tara takes responsibility for the concept, for the most part, as she should. He asks whether she came up with it after she met with Sony or before. I kind of think this is a big nothing, because there's nothing wrong with having something in mind that you might do before you finish your meetings with the client. But George gets her to admit that yes, she had the basic framework in place before the meeting with Sony, so I guess that's...a demerit, or something. And then George gets all weird about the line "Tear it up," which I think was the least of the problems with that design. A little dated, maybe, but given the look of the ad and the way the cars were tearing through that barrier thing, it's certainly not an unforgivable foul-up, the way some of the rest of their work was. Tara insists that it was a "hip-hop allusion," and NotCarolyn condescendingly grins that isn't a phrase from GT4, which...eh. I don't think a generic tag line like that is such a big deal. I'm not sure you can't put "Go For It!" in the ad for a game unless it appears in the game somewhere, you know?
Tara points out to Trump that he likes to say they should go for the "win-win," and she says she thought that she could do a good ad and still make a piece of art that would be good for the community. She insists that she wasn't trying to choose the community "elements" over the selling of the game. NotCarolyn is very insultingly smiley again as she says, "It was a Sony ad, not a community ad." I think Tara gets that now, so it's probably time to stop flogging it. Audrey is asked for her feelings about the ad, and she says that the ad didn't project Sony's wishes; it projected what Tara thought the community wanted. ["Which probably is Sony's wishes, in the end. They want people in the community to buy the game. This wasn't her mistake; her mistake was not knowing the product's specs, like, at all." -- Sars]
Trump asks the always-potentially-explosive Chris whom he would fire, and he says he'd fire Audrey, for being generally the weakest person on the team. And he says it without yelling. Good show, Chris! Asked for his thoughts, John basically says the same thing, that for the sake of the team, they'd be better off with Tara and without Audrey than the other way around. Audrey looks a little stunned. Trump asks Audrey how she feels about this turn of events, and Audrey says that she is "so furious" that her team perceives her that way. But when Craig is asked whom he would fire, he says that the concept was all about Tara from top to bottom. Tara then gives a speech in which she claims that she can't think of everything, and that's why the rest of the team is there. "Well, but you are the leader," Trump says dubiously. Trump now tells her to pick two people to come to the final table, and Tara picks Audrey and Craig. John, Angie, Chris, and Tana head up to the suite, while Tara, Audrey, and Craig go into the lobby to wait. Trump, George, and NotCarolyn stare after them with hatred.
While the candidates cool their heels, Trump and the Viceroys talk. NotCarolyn says that she was surprised that Tara pulled in Craig, but it looked personal -- presumably since Craig had just advocated Tara's firing. "He sold her out," NotCarolyn says. And...what? George says that, to him, it's between Craig and Tara, and they need to know why she brought Craig with her. Trump calls for the candidates.
As he is wont to do, Trump makes a great fuss over Craig pulling out Tara's chair, and for how many seasons do you suppose he can do that same "joke" without figuring out that no one finds it charming but him? Trump asks Tara why she brought Craig in with her. She says that Craig was her right hand, and also that he had "skirmishes with Audrey," which were distracting. Asked if she did fight with Craig, Audrey acknowledges that she did. She says that Craig has a way of behaving like you're a child, and that's not really her thing, so much.
Craig jumps in here for one of the...weirdest Boardroom speeches ever, in which he says that he's talked to Audrey, and she's newly married (two months, as Trump confirms). And then there's something about how Audrey told Craig her husband doesn't do anything? (Which Audrey vehemently denies ever having said.) And then there's something about...how Audrey "loves the fact that she makes more money" than her husband, and the whole thing gets really, really weird at this point, because I can't for the life of me figure out what he's getting at, or how he justifies bringing in the reputations of outside people who have absolutely nothing to do with this stupid show. That's really low, honestly. Audrey protests that she doesn't take charge at home. Asked to confirm whether he would still fire Tara, Craig confirms that he would, and adds that if they're still wondering, Tara certainly did come up with their concept before they met with Sony. Craig points out that Tara owned the idea right up until the point where it flopped.
Feeling the pull of the drain, Tara calmly admits that she made some miscalculations. When she waffles on admitting that they were serious, though, Trump brings her back to the fact that it was ultimately a marketing task, not a community outreach task. He insists that they didn't get it right, and in the end, he's going to fire Tara. The candidates slowly rise and leave. As Craig and Audrey go up and Tara heads down, Trump tells George and NotCarolyn that Tara is smart and tough, but blew the task spectacularly enough that she was pretty much screwed. "I agree with that," George says. Tara goes down and gets in her cab. Drama!
In her exit speech, Tara is still arguing about her ad not being the rightful loser. And then she shit-talks Audrey for having "maturity" issues, and shit-talks her team for needing direction, and shit-talks having to give "specific instructions" just because she was the project manager.
week: Clowns. No, literally.