Episode Report Card M. Giant: B | 47 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Pole to Pole
By M. Giant | Season 23 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.27.2013
Leo & Jamal are the next team to actually reach Solidarity Square, so they're soon off to Golden Gate in sixth place. Ally & Ashley run to the clue box in sight of Tim & Marie, who are currently bringing up the rear. But, as you may have heard at some point, Tim & Marie still have an Express Pass.
Tim & Danny take another crack at the dance, which doesn't go well, with a lot of bickering over arm position and how much Tim sucks. "You're leading! You're the man!" Danny snaps. Then Jason & Amy take a shot at it and get it on the first try, due mostly to how Jason is leading only in the sense that he has taken the initiative to allow Amy to treat him like a life-sized marionette. They've finished the Detour in second place, and that -- well, that plus the dress he's wearing -- is enough to make Danny almost ready to quit. Tim checks with their instructor, who tells them they're getting close and not to fight with each other. They watch Nicole & Travis stumble around for one attempt and since they get a no, Danny isn't quite ready to throw in the pretty pink towel just yet, but he's close. Yes, Danny, we get that you're a red-blooded American male who would never wear a dress by choice. But acting all pissy about this doesn't make you more manly -- it just makes you a pissy guy in a dress.
The Ice-Ghanimals find the clue box at Golden Gate and decide to go dance. Tim & Marie opt for the posing, with their Express Pass still in the front of their minds. As always.
Still dressed as Neptune, Nicky & Kim tote their backpacks and tridents to the waterfront in search of directions to the old crane. A local tells them it's the highest building on the riverfront, so they keep walking, confident that it should be easy to find. It is a pretty imposing structure, all dark and shaped like a wooden carrying case for the Egyptian Sphinx. Jason & Amy are currently on their way to the waterfront in their taxi and their polka costumes, but the only way they're going to catch up is if the baseball wives somehow wander right past the giant medieval crane, not to mention the U-Turn sign and the large man standing motionless next to it. But of course, being Nicky & Kim, that is exactly what they do. Worse, one of them thinks they have to cross the river now, which obviously they don't. Well, we all knew their lead wasn't going to last long anyway. Meanwhile, Jason & Amy show up and of course find the right place immediately. Phil narrates, "This is the Zuraw Crane, the location of a Double U-Turn." Now it's Phil standing next to the new sign, adding, "Where two teams will have the opportunity to slow down two other teams, forcing them to perform both sides of the Detour." Which is bullshit, because it's never two teams slowing down two other teams; it's almost always one team slowing down another team and then that team slowing down someone else. Very rarely are there four teams involved. Anyway, Jason & Amy tell the foreman they're not using it and he almost looks disappointed as he hands over their clue. This one reads, "Make your way to the longest apartment building in Poland and search for your next clue." And aerial shot shows the slightly zigzagging footprint of a building that looks to be maybe twelve floors high and maybe as much as a mile long, identified with the caption "Falowiec Building." The word "falowiec" simply means "wavy block," not the name of the idiot architect who designed it as I first suspected. It must be quite popular with neighborhood pedestrians who want to be on the other side of it. Jason & Amy rush back to their cab and their driver, who per their clever strategy is almost excited as they are. Amy is thrilled that they didn't get U-Turned, which is a sign she doesn't know that they're in the lead. Even better, they got in and out of there without being spotted by the baseball wives, who are still hell-bent on getting across the river to some nondescript brick warehouse because it looks like the tallest building on the riverfront and they think that's what they have to go to. Even though it looks neither medieval, crane-like, or even necessarily harbor-related.