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We left last week with Nicole insisting on exchanging the location of the Pit Stop for Marie's extra Express Pass, and we come back to Marie accepting the deal, though she's pretty crabby about it. Also, as expected, the Pit Stop is actually a Pit Keep Going is at the end of a non-elimination leg, so even though the baseball wives arrive last, they're still in it. Kind of an anticlimactic resolution to that cliffhanger, if you ask me.
So then everyone travels to Gdansk, Poland, where they have to start by finding Solidarity Square near the shipyard. Three teams (Tim & Marie, Leo & Jamal, and Ally & Ashley) take the "shipyard" part of the clue too literally and fall far behind the other five teams. Okies Tim & Danny end up in the lead, but when they find themselves at a polka-dancing Detour that requires Danny to wear a dress, he's deeply demoralized as they plummet in the rankings. They end up getting passed by Jason & Amy, then Travis & Nicole. Meanwhile, baseball wives Nicky & Kim hustle for tips posing as statues and actually finish the Detour in first place. But then they blow it on their way to the U-Turn. Yes, the U-Turn: we haz it.
And most teams decline to use it, at least at first. Tim & Marie, after getting to the Detour late, decide to bag it and use their remaining Express Pass rather than risk getting U-Turned themselves. They briefly consider U-Turning Travis & Nicole, but then chicken out and head to the Roadblock, no longer in the back of the pack. In fact, they catch up with lead team Jason & Amy at Poland's longest apartment building (seriously, this place is ridonkulous), where they have to visit multiple apartments in search of a specific kind of donut. Travis actually finds the correct apartment first, and per an agreement forged in the building, he shares the info with Marie and Amy. And thus Tim and Marie end up at the mat just ahead of Jason & Amy, who barely beat Nicole & Travis. But Nicole & Travis now have the only Express Pass in the game, so there's that.
Brandon & Adam, who had a pretty good leg last week, aren't as lucky this time around. On their way to the polka task, they stumble on the statue task and decide to try that instead for a while, then give it up as a bad job. By the time they finish their polka, they're in dead last -- and they find out that they've been U-Turned by the Afghanimals (who had been U-Turned by Tim & Danny). The baseball wives come in fourth, Tim & Danny a close fifth, Leo & Jamal sixth (despite being U-turned), and the blondes seventh, before the Hairballs finally make it to the mat in last place. And thus they become the second team this season to go from first place in one leg to Philimination in the . This is either an extra-tricky season or people need to get their acts together.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Hope you didn't show up late, because tonight's previouslies bleed right into the episode. One moment, we're watching a recap of last week's ending, with Nicole demanding the Express Pass from Marie in exchange for information on the Pit Stop location… and the we're seeing new footage of the moments immediately following. Suddenly, we can hear Tim barking in Marie's ear, "Give it! Give it!" Marie interviews that she's been making all the decisions, but Tim wants her to give Nicole the Express Pass, so Marie agrees to hand it over. With that, Nicole shows them the tiny canvas painting of the Viking Longhouse that they're supposed to be finding and the two teams are on their way. Marie is pretty pissed for some reason about having conducted a successful and mutually beneficial transaction, but grudgingly says they'll hand it over at the end of the leg anyway. Nicole asks Travis, "What's she mad about? She wouldn't have known where the damn Pit Stop was otherwise." Excellent point that. But in Marie's car, she tells Tim that's the last time she's letting him make a decision. "Give me a break," Tim sighs wearily rather than asking if she'd rather just be driving all over Scandinavia for the rest of the day. And then, credits! Weird. Like I said, I hope you didn't show up late. Like most episodes of this show do.
Brandon & Adam -- who just won the fourth leg mere minutes ago and thus were the first to learn that the Pit Stop was actually a Pit Keep Going -- are now driving back to Svolvær to catch the ferry. From behind the wheel, Adam mentions that it's four o'clock in the morning, though it's still daylight due to this leg having taken place north of the Arctic Circle. He adds that they've been racing for about thirty hours, which they are actually happy about. They're going to be disappointed in what comes , then.
Jason & Amy arrive at the mat in second place for the second leg in a row, and they seem to have been expecting the news that they're still racing. "How did you know?" Phil asks. "Because the sun's still out," Amy non sequiturs, and reads from their new clue that they will need to travel to Gdańsk, Poland. "Yay," she says unconvincingly. Phil narrates that this will be more than 1,500 miles by boat and plane, and when they arrive they will need to get to Solidarity Square. That historic spot is dominated by three tall crosses at the gates of the Gdańsk shipyard, which Phil says is "the site of the civil resistance that led to the collapse of communism in Eastern Europe." And Phil has the archival photos to prove it. More significantly, that's where their clue is. But that's not all the first clue of the leg tells them, as Amy reads, "'Caution: U-Turn Ahead.' Oh, crap." I mean, I assume that's where the quote marks go. They salute the Norwegian revelers in the hall and are soon on their way. Then Nicole & Travis are told by Phil as they leave in third place, "Rip it, read it and keep on racing." Leo & Jamal, Tim & Marie and Tim & Danny get the news that they're still racing all together, in fourth, fifth and sixth respectively, and then the blondes look a little shell-shocked as they get their seventh-place clue. I think they might still be traumatized from having to drive stick.
Brandon & Adam are still in the lead when they arrive at the ferry terminal, with Jason & Amy close behind. They soon find out that the ferry is leaving tonight at 8:30. So the good news is that they've now got about 16 hours to kill, but the bad news is that everyone's going to be on the same ferry back, almost certainly. And I'm not sure that even the good news is all that good.
Nicky & Kim find their way into the Pit Keep Going, hoping they're not in last place even though they very much are. They collapse exhaustedly into Phil's arms, Kim saying, "That was torture!" After dutifully submitting to hugs that bend him back at the waist, he tells them they're the last team to arrive. "But there is no need for tears? Because I have your clue? And you are still racing?" "What?" Kim yelps and snatches the clue out of his hand. The weird part isn't the fact that it's a non-elimination leg, but the way Phil's talking right now.
thing we see is every team boarding the ferry for what is, this time, a thirty-four-hour ride to Trondheim, where they'll catch their flight (or flights) to Gdańsk. So basically Phil told everyone they're "still racing" and then sent them off to do almost nothing for over two days. The ferry casts off and once it's underway, Marie gives Nicole the Express Pass on the deck in secret. Neither team wants anyone else to know about it, Nicole because she doesn't want a target on her back and Marie so she can still wave it in people's faces and continue bugging the shit out of people like she has been since the beginning of leg two.
An Amazing (But Narrow and Squiggly) Red Line traces the ferry's progress down the Norwegian coast to Trondheim, where it's taken up by a Much Wider Amazing Red Line to indicate the flight over Scandinavia to Gdańsk, Poland. The city looks quaint and arty (with the obvious exception of one building, Krzywy Domek, which is all crazy-curvy in a way that makes my mind hurt), and then the plane lands at Lech Wałęsa Airport. So this is a big leg for Solidarity, clearly, given that even the airport is named after the guy who invented it. Teams rush out of the terminal and give instructions to their cab drivers with varying levels of confusion, ranging from the Afghanimals and the blondes asking to be taken to the Gdańsk shipyards to Amy asking for "Solitary Square." Alas, she and Tim will not be taken to a completely different location where a busker spends all day doing half-assed geometry-themed Neil Diamond parodies. Somehow Tim & Marie end up getting out of there in last place, but a lot of other teams are already stressed out about the U-Turn coming up. "It might be a bloodbath out there," Okie Tim predicts. The Leo & Jamal/Ally & Ashley axis that Marie dubbed the Ice-Ghanimals are the first to reach the place where they told their drivers to take them, which is not the same as the place they actually need to go. Instead, they're at what looks like the rear, historically insignificant entrance to the shipyard instead of Solidarity Square. Kind of a letdown for them.
The first team to reach the correct place is actually Tim & Danny, who somehow seem to know that it's the birthplace of Solidarity. I'm kind of amazed that there's anyone still on the race old enough to even remember Solidarity. But aside from glancing at the memorial there, all Tim & Danny have to do once they arrive is open a clue telling them to go to the Golden Gate. Phil calls this "an historic entrance to Old Town Gdańsk, where they'll find their clue." The Okies are soon on their way. Jason & Amy show up , also talking about this being the "birthplace of Solidarity," so that factoid must be included in their clue. I guess with last season's PR debacle in Vietnam, the show isn't going to risk taking any more shit for skimping on the historical significance of historically significant locations. The dating couple opens their clue and are soon talking to their cabdriver about getting to the Golden Gate when Travis & Nicole roll up behind them in third place. Amy promises their driver "one heck of a ride." That's a smart strategy: making the driver part of the team. He probably won't be getting a commission on the million dollars, though.
Nicky & Kim get their clue to the Golden Gate in only fourth place. And then Tim & Marie are shown in their cab, headed to the shipyard as well. Marie says she doesn't know where the entrance is or if the driver knows where they're going. "I don't know anything," Tim pipes up, which doesn't bother Marie because that's just how she wants it. They soon find themselves at not Solidarity Square but a prosaic, workaday security gate, where their driver turns off the car and gets out to ask someone for directions. Marie also starts canvassing locals, though she seems to be talking to a different person. Soon the blondes show up, as do the Afghanimals and they don't seem encouraged by the exes' current lack of progress. After Marie and her driver return to the cab, Marie trying unsuccessfully to get some kind of assurance from him that he knows what to do, Tim presents a couple of options to Marie: "Would you rather be in this taxi right now with this guy who has no clue where he's going? Or, be shoving sharp objects under your eye?" Obviously he's joking because there are no sharp objects they could have with them, what with having to carry their backpacks on the plane. Amazingly, Tim gets a laugh out of Marie, which seems like it would be harder than carrying sharp objects onto a plane.
Tim & Danny have already reached the Golden Gate, which is neither golden nor a gate; it's more like a tall gray arch leading into the most touristy part of Gdańsk. Or, considering how picturesque the buildings on the other side are, it might even be a dimensional portal leading directly to the Poland section of EPCOT. The clue in the box just inside the Gate is a Detour which asks, "Pose or Polka?" Though with U-Turn in play, we can assume that at least one team will be doing Pose and Polka. For now, Phil explains, "Teams must choose between two cultural icons of Gdańsk that have been around for hundreds of years." For "Pose," the teams will have to go to a fountain in the square that features a bronze statue of Neptune, and assume his pose in the hope of collecting tips from passersby. A "sculptor" (actually a guy in an apron whose job it is to make sure the racers are holding the correct position) will give them their clue after they've collected 75 zlotys, which is about $25. "Polka" is, as you've probably guessed, a task where the teams will have to dress up in traditional costumes and perform a choreographed dance routine. I'm sure most teams are aware by now that the standards for that kind of task are pretty lax, so that should be a popular option. Tim & Danny opt for it, choosing to take the skill-based task over the luck-based one, which is probably wise given that while skill isn't always their strong suit, luck is even less so. But Tim does a double take when the clue tells them that one of them will have to dress as a laaaady. I'm sure they're both grown up enough not to let that be a dealbreaker, right?
Brandon & Adam reach Solidarity Square in fifth place, only to find out that their driver doesn't know where the Golden Gate is. But never fear; he whips out a flip-phone a foot long, so he's got the situation under control! But then for some reason he hands off the phone so that Brandon can talk to someone with questionable English skills, and get directions that Brandon will then have to relay to the driver, who also has questionable English skills. Seems like it would be easier for everyone for the driver to just get the directions himself. Oh, and here's another wrinkle: the person Brandon is talking to turns out to be Jason & Amy's cabdriver, who at their urging tells Brandon through his primitive BlueSabertooth headset that he can't help him. Brandon seems flummoxed, but as soon as he hangs up he tells Adam that the driver was with another team and so wasn't talking, which is pretty savvy of him. Jason & Amy soon show up at the Golden Gate and go running in search of the clue box, somehow failing to spot it when they run around the gate rather than through it. And thus, Nicole & Travis are the second team to find the clue when they show up, also opting for Polka. Jason & Amy belatedly find the clue box in third place, just before Nicky & Kim arrive in fourth. The dating couple chooses to polka, but Nicky is confident that she and Kim can totally earn 75 zloty by standing around and not moving. Which is a strategy that's worked okay for them so far, I suppose.
And there are still three teams whose cabs are wandering Gdańsk looking for Poland's very first clue. At some point Tim, Marie, Leo, Jamal, Ally and Ashley are all out of their cabs in some random spot, casting about at a complete loss. And their lag is growing, because by now, Brandon & Adam's driver has figured out where the Golden Gate is and has them on their way. Brandon says now they just need to get to a place where they can get to work. "Because that's what we do," Adam says. Usually while acting goofy, don't forget.
Tim & Danny are busy arguing over which of them is going to have to be the laaaady, Tim pointing out that Danny is smaller while Danny is trying to rock-paper-scissors for it. Danny really doesn't want to wear a dress. Eventually they show up at Old Town Hall, a big red-brick building that looks every inch its name. They find dressing rooms inside on a lower level, and Danny crabbily admits defeat about wearing the girl costume. But he's not happy about it at all. Trying to lighten the mood, Tim asks him to dinner after this and Danny warns darkly, "You better knock it off, Tim." So much for lightening the mood. They head up to the level where the dance floor is as Danny interviews about how uncomfortable and humiliated he is, and how he doesn't want to look good in a dress. He shouldn't be worried about that last part. They get to the dance floor and watch a brief polka routine performed by a dozen or so couples. And learning the dance isn't going to go smoothly -- they can barely execute the basic polka step, let alone the bit where they have to do the lift and spin. Oh, yes, there is a lift and spin. And I don't think they're going to get to practice it in a lake like in Dirty Dancing, either.
Nicky & Kim may have made the right choice after all, as they have already arrived at the fountain with the Neptune statue. Unlike last week, they seem to have picked the Detour that requires less walking.
The ER docs reach the Polka venue, deducing from the presence of the Okies' backpacks in the dressing room that the latter team has already arrived. Jason & Amy show up by the time Travis & Nicole are in their outfits. You'll be amazed to learn that they're much happier about their looks they're rocking than Danny is.
The baseball wives have also changed clothes for their side of the Detour; they're wearing dark gimp suits with green-bronze highlighting to match the patina of the Neptune statue, as well as hoods that cover their faces with fake, Neptune-esque hair and beards. Now they just have to match the statue's pose, which is an awkward, unnatural kind of Ed Grimley position with the trident pointed in an angle at the street. Nicky & Kim climb up onto a pedestal to get started and assume that position, though one of them nearly blinds some kid with her trident in the process. But they're soon watching people drop coins into the slot below them, begging and thanking everyone in earshot and generally being the loudest statues ever.
The Hairballs reach the Golden Gate in fifth place and also decide to Polka because Adam figures that's easier than standing around hoping for tips, which is probably true when you look like Brandon & Adam. Meanwhile, three teams -- the blondes, the exes and the Afghanimals -- are still being driven around Gdańsk's waterfront district totally lost and totally frustrated. Finally, after the ads, they figure out that they're supposed to go to the Solidarity monument near the shipyard -- not just the shipyard -- and head off in what one hopes is the right direction. Leo worries that while Tim & Marie will be fine, with their Express Pass and everything, but "we might just be in last place right now." And by "we" I assume he means the Ice-Ghanimals combined. You know, I can totally understand three teams messing up their first destination of the leg; they only have two and a half days of travel time in which to study it.
Tim & Danny take their first run at the polka, but they forget a spin -- or rather Tim does -- and since he's leading, it doesn't happen, even when Danny reminds him. Jason seems a little intimidated as he and Amy watch the dance, but soon he and Amy are learning the steps, as are Nicole & Travis, though Travis seems to be having some kind of problem with it. Maybe it's the shoes again.
As the baseball wives continue begging for tips, Brandon & Adam wander by on foot looking for Old Town Hall (even though the other teams took their taxis there), and make the time-tested move of doing the Detour you stumble on instead of the Detour you chose. And since they just saw the baseball wives score a 30-zloty note, they figure this can't be too hard. The Hairballs head into the tent to change just as Nicky & Kim get done. Soon Brandon and Adam are in position, wearing the costumes complete with the fake beards over their real ones. Brandon points out in an interview that if he were to really dress like Neptune he'd just wear a seashell over his crotch, while Adam mimes shock at Brandon's stunning impropriety. Yeah, you don't fool us for a second, Adam. The baseball wives are watching their money get counted, and one of them is saying she's going to cry that they actually did something quickly. I don't cry, but I come close to falling off my chair at the sight of the caption "Nicky & Kim, Currently in 1st Place." Their clue is sending them to something called the Medieval Harbor Crane, where a foreman in coveralls is standing to the U-Turn sign. It's a new sign again this season; the unnecessary touchscreens have been replaced by simple cutouts where players can presumably stick pictures of themselves and the people they want to U-Turn. Not as high-tech, to be sure, but it looks hell of a lot easier for the producers to lug around the world. The clue also says that everyone will have to wear their Detour costumes for the rest of the leg, which Danny is going to love.
Leo & Jamal are the team to actually reach Solidarity Square, so they're soon off to Golden Gate in sixth place. Ally & Ashley run to the clue box in sight of Tim & Marie, who are currently bringing up the rear. But, as you may have heard at some point, Tim & Marie still have an Express Pass.
Tim & Danny take another crack at the dance, which doesn't go well, with a lot of bickering over arm position and how much Tim sucks. "You're leading! You're the man!" Danny snaps. Then Jason & Amy take a shot at it and get it on the first try, due mostly to how Jason is leading only in the sense that he has taken the initiative to allow Amy to treat him like a life-sized marionette. They've finished the Detour in second place, and that -- well, that plus the dress he's wearing -- is enough to make Danny almost ready to quit. Tim checks with their instructor, who tells them they're getting close and not to fight with each other. They watch Nicole & Travis stumble around for one attempt and since they get a no, Danny isn't quite ready to throw in the pretty pink towel just yet, but he's close. Yes, Danny, we get that you're a red-blooded American male who would never wear a dress by choice. But acting all pissy about this doesn't make you more manly -- it just makes you a pissy guy in a dress.
The Ice-Ghanimals find the clue box at Golden Gate and decide to go dance. Tim & Marie opt for the posing, with their Express Pass still in the front of their minds. As always.
Still dressed as Neptune, Nicky & Kim tote their backpacks and tridents to the waterfront in search of directions to the old crane. A local tells them it's the highest building on the riverfront, so they keep walking, confident that it should be easy to find. It is a pretty imposing structure, all dark and shaped like a wooden carrying case for the Egyptian Sphinx. Jason & Amy are currently on their way to the waterfront in their taxi and their polka costumes, but the only way they're going to catch up is if the baseball wives somehow wander right past the giant medieval crane, not to mention the U-Turn sign and the large man standing motionless to it. But of course, being Nicky & Kim, that is exactly what they do. Worse, one of them thinks they have to cross the river now, which obviously they don't. Well, we all knew their lead wasn't going to last long anyway. Meanwhile, Jason & Amy show up and of course find the right place immediately. Phil narrates, "This is the Zuraw Crane, the location of a Double U-Turn." Now it's Phil standing to the new sign, adding, "Where two teams will have the opportunity to slow down two other teams, forcing them to perform both sides of the Detour." Which is bullshit, because it's never two teams slowing down two other teams; it's almost always one team slowing down another team and then that team slowing down someone else. Very rarely are there four teams involved. Anyway, Jason & Amy tell the foreman they're not using it and he almost looks disappointed as he hands over their clue. This one reads, "Make your way to the longest apartment building in Poland and search for your clue." And aerial shot shows the slightly zigzagging footprint of a building that looks to be maybe twelve floors high and maybe as much as a mile long, identified with the caption "Falowiec Building." The word "falowiec" simply means "wavy block," not the name of the idiot architect who designed it as I first suspected. It must be quite popular with neighborhood pedestrians who want to be on the other side of it. Jason & Amy rush back to their cab and their driver, who per their clever strategy is almost excited as they are. Amy is thrilled that they didn't get U-Turned, which is a sign she doesn't know that they're in the lead. Even better, they got in and out of there without being spotted by the baseball wives, who are still hell-bent on getting across the river to some nondescript brick warehouse because it looks like the tallest building on the riverfront and they think that's what they have to go to. Even though it looks neither medieval, crane-like, or even necessarily harbor-related.
Brandon's & Adam's trident-holding arms have grown tired, so they decide to take a break to count their tips so far. A meager collection of coins totals about 10. "We need boobs," Brandon says. "Apparently that's what does it." Adam proposes an alternate solution, which is to switch Detours. That does seem like it would be faster than getting boobs.
At the Polka Detour, Nicole & Travis take another shot at it and get their clue this time, putting them in third place. Danny is despondent at the ER docs' departure, saying, "We're going home." Tim bucks him up until Danny gets to his feet, sighing, "Whatever." Hey, did you know that Danny doesn't like wearing a dress? On this attempt, their instructor seems to think about it before taking pity on them, but take pity on them she does and they have their clue in fourth place. Leo & Jamal show up to dress just as the Okies are retrieving their backpacks from the changing room, and then Danny has to endure the laughter of their cabdriver as he and Tim return to their taxi. He's still pretty crabby, even though Tim points out that he's the one with the ripped costume pants. I mean, jeez, is it Danny's time of the month or something?
Tim & Marie show up at the Neptune statue and see nobody there, much to their surprise. Marie says they're likely to get U-Turned if they don't use their Express Pass now, so they hand it right over and get on their way, now in fifth place. And after all the agita they've been through over it, too. It'll be interesting to see what they go on about now, after going from two Express Passes to zero in the space of one leg.
The baseball wives are now on the other side of the river, approaching that utterly boring warehouse and having doubts. "There's nothing medieval about this," one of them says, quite correctly. At least the Medieval Crane is visible from here and they decide they need to go back. Well, I'm sure they'll have fun watching their short lead from home, which is the first time they'll ever know they had it.
Tim & Marie get to the U-Turn sign, and Tim tells her to U-Turn Nicole & Travis, because he figures that will force the ER docs to use the Express Pass Marie gave them earlier. Marie worries that they might have already been and gone, so as she's rifling through the pictures, Tim says, "Screw it, then." And they proceed without U-Turning anyone at all rather than taking the "risk" of U-Turning someone who might never have found out about it. I'm not a big fan of the U-Turn, but I don't understand this strategy at all.
The blondes and the Hairballs show up at the Polka task, where Leo is giggling over having to copy the female polka dancers. The Afghanimals attempt the dance with a lot more enjoyment than skill, which at least makes them more pleasant to watch at this task than the Okies were.
The baseball wives finally make it to the U-turn sign and forgo using it, then get their clue in third place. Kind of surprising that they only dropped two spots as a result of what looks like a pretty long hike.
Nicole & Travis are arriving at the riverfront on foot, just in time to see the Okies arriving ahead of them in their taxi. There's a lesson there, which is that taxis are faster than walking. Tim & Danny make it to the U-Turn ahead of the ER docs, and although they're the nice guys from Oklahoma, they're pretty clear that they're going to be U-Turning someone anyway. And sure enough, after the ads, they stick up the photo of the Afghanimals, who are still behind them trying to Polka. "We're still nice, we just don't want to go home," they both interview. And they also decided two legs ago to ding the Afghanimals if they got the chance, in case we were supposed to forget. Nicole & Travis congratulate them when they show up in fifth place and decide not to U-Turn anyone. Because again, it's rarely about two teams slowing down two other teams, unless there's been some advance coordination of plans.
And back at the Polka Detour, the Afghanimals and the Hairballs are both trying to dance and sucking at it, though only one of those teams is getting frustrated and irritated with each other (guess which team?). Whereas the blondes look frustrated and irritated watching the other two teams fuck around incompetently when they'd much rather be getting this done and getting out of here. It must be said that Ally looks a lot better in the male polka outfit than Leo or Adam look in their dresses. It's a toss-up with Danny, though.
Jason & Amy get dropped off at one end of the long, long, loooong apartment building and see no clue boxes, so there's nothing for it but to start running the seemingly endless length of the building's front. "It's the longest building in Poland!" Amy pants. "It's long!" Hard to run and spin a descriptive phrase at the same time, I'll admit. Marie is trying to face this more strategically, saying they should probably have their taxi take them to the main entrance. "That's the most ridiculous apartment building I've ever seen," Tim observes. No argument here. I'll bet the Soviets put it there just to prove they could. Whatever the case, Marie's strategy pays off, as they're the first team to reach the clue box with the Roadblock question, "Who's got a sweet tooth?" Well, probably not Marie, who doesn't have a sweet anything.
Now Phil is coming to us from one of the building's countless balconies as he says, "This Roadblock requires teams to visit the longest residential apartment building in Poland. It houses nearly 6,000 people and is over half a mile long." Wait, so some other country has a longer apartment building? And it's allowed to exist? The country, I mean, not the building. In any case, each racer will be given an identical list of 12 apartment numbers, and will have to knock on each of those doors. At each unit, they'll be offered a plate of Polish donuts, or pąckzi, though Phil pronounces it "poochky." They'll have to bite into one with a red filling, or what the subtitles call a "Rose Pąckzi," to get their clue. Marie takes this one after all, and is pretty happy to be eating donuts. But Tim reads the fine print on the clue: "Warning: you may be penalized for bad manners." Seeing that, he says, "Please, once in your life!" She's all, "All right, all right, all right." Rudely. As she heads for the entrance, she wonders how she's going to know what rose tastes like. Tim shrugs that it'll be red. It's not like it's his problem. Jason & Amy show up, and Tim mock-flirts with Jason in his polka outfit, "Whoa, you look hot. What's your name?" Amy takes this Roadblock, I assume so Tim can keep getting his schwerve on with Jason. Tim wishes her luck, and Jason wonders, "Where's your costume?" Because, obviously, having skipped the Detour with their Express Pass, Tim & Marie never had to change clothes and thus are still wearing whatever they had on the plane from Trondheim. Which is what Jason & Amy figure out almost immediately.
Inside the building, Marie and Amy team up to start visiting apartments. Their first hostess brings out a big plate of pastries, so they politely thank her, each take a bite from one, find yellow filling inside and cross this one off their list before politely taking their leave. Meanwhile, outside, Jason is showing Tim how to polka, as if we needed more proof that Tim's life is better when Marie isn't around.
Back at the actual Polka task, Jamal watches the blondes do the dance, says they didn't do it right in that supremely confident tone he always uses when he's at his most wrong, and then has to watch as Ally & Ashley are presented with their clue in sixth place. Leo & Jamal's try is also close enough, so they're out of there in seventh place, but not before getting a kiss from their cute dance instructor. I'm sure the blondes will be heartbroken. That leaves Brandon & Adam alone at the Detour, after starting this leg in first place and everything. Still, Adam is staying positive, saying they'll get it this time. And they practice the spin a bit, either to prepare or just because it's fun.
Nicky & Kim show up at the long-ass apartment building and Kim takes this one. I'm glad they've moved the fake beards off their faces so I can tell which one is talking now. I mean, obviously Nicky is the taller one, but that doesn't help when you can't see which one's mouth is moving and I haven't quite learned to distinguish them by their voices yet. Nicole & Travis get there , and Travis takes it on. Montage of Kim and Travis scampering separately around the building. Marie & Amy seem much more relaxed as they enjoy some wrong pastries in a homey sitting room and politely depart. Then Kim and Travis take a bite of some incorrect donuts at the same apartment near the top floor, and while Kim waits for the elevator to take her down (which did get her to the top ahead of Travis), Travis takes the stairs down and presses the call button on every landing, slowing down the car. That may seem like the penalty-worthy activity of interfering with other teams, but on the other hand nobody is forcing Kim to wait for the elevator. Kim realizes what's happening on her ride down as the door opens to an empty landing at every floor. "Travis, you're supposed to be a gentleman," she schoolmarms to nobody as she abandons the elevator for the stairs. No, Kim, this is supposed to be a race.
Tim & Danny show up at the Roadblock, and Tim nominates Danny for this one. Danny doesn't argue, probably because he has no objection to any activity that gets him off the street in his dress.
At the riverfront, the Afghanimals just beat the blondes to the U-Turn sign and find their faces up there. So this means that of course they have to U-Turn someone, and if I haven't said it before, I'll say it now: it's still bullshit that a team gets to avail themselves of the U-Turn before completing the Detour, which technically Leo & Jamal haven't done until they do the statue task. But they U-Turn Brandon & Adam, totally legally even though it's contrary to all logic, and head to the other Detour. Meanwhile Ally happily chants, "Woo, we're not U-Turned, we're not U-Turned!" Yeah, this lousy break for their "race-husbands" is really bringing them down.
Brandon & Adam finish their dance to the instructors' satisfaction, and they get their clue in last place. And they don't know the half of it yet.
Marie & Amy are presented with another plate of pąckzi by some old guy, and after biting into them and not finding red inside, they are on their way. I assume they know somehow that they don't have to bite into every pastry on every plate, which would probably start slowing them down in a hurry. Travis is now right behind the two women, and he adopts the strategy of following them because that way he won't have to visit any of the apartments that they already have. Marie twigs to his plan and spurs Amy into a run in an attempt to lose Travis. But of course Amy is more loyal to him than she is to Marie, so she brings Travis into the loop and they decide to split up the rest of the building between them. Meanwhile, Kim is getting way too much enjoyment out of just visiting with people, and VOs that she would have hung out at everyone's places for an hour if she hadn't been in a race. Which I'm sure they would have loved. "Hi, weird American chick in a unitard with abs painted on it, won't you please sit down?" Meanwhile, as he dashes through the stairwells, Danny is assuring us, "never really ran in a dress before." I'm starting to think maybe he's protesting too much.
Now Amy and Marie have also split up and are making polite visits. But Travis is the first to find a donut with red filling. "Deliciosa!" he proclaims to his hostess, who then presents him with his clue. When he emerges from the building, he encounters Amy and Marie and tells them where to go, so they soon have their clues as well. By which time Travis has returned to Nicole with their last clue of the leg, which reads, "Search for Phil on the longest wooden pier in Europe." That would be Sopot Pier, which Phil says extends more than 1600 feet into the Baltic Sea. Still shorter than the apartment building they just left, though. "This picturesque promenade is now the Pit Stop for this leg of the race," Phil says, as he does. "The last team to check in here may be eliminated." Nicole & Travis head for their cab in first place, but for some reason their driver doesn't seem to be in too much of a hurry to get going. Tim & Marie are in second place, and Jason & Amy in third. For now.
:Leo & Jamal are in their statue costumes and up on the posing-stand, and doing a task which is much more suited to them, namely shouting loudly. It seems to be earning them some tips, though. Or else people are just paying them in hopes they'll shut up.
Danny bites into a red-filled pastry and gets his clue in fourth place, and takes the donut with him because he probably didn't bite into as many as the other teams did. And on his way out, he runs into Kim and tells her, "It's up there." Kim gasps happily when she sees the red filling inside, and gets her clue in fifth place. Remember when she and Nicky were in first? Me either.
Brandon & Adam get to the U-Turn sign and see themselves up there. "That's weak," Brandon says. Always one to look on the bright side, Adam points out, "Good looking photo of us." Adam is, it must be said, lying.
Leo & Jamal are still working the crowd, one of whom is wearing a BYU t-shirt. Jamal claims to have gone there, but the dude isn't fooled saying he'll give them fifty if he can remember the name of two quarterbacks there. Bluff called, Jamal tells the kids around the guy to try to grab the money from dad and put it in the box. Which they do, so congratulations to Jamal and The Amazing Race and CBS for being accessories to theft. That last donation puts them over the top, so they're off in seventh place and won't even have to finish this task to the team they U-Turned, which would have been awkward.
However, the Hairballs do spot the departing Afghanimals when they arrive, and wonder how they finished so fast. Then they put on their costumes and take up their old positions. It's not clear whether they have to start over or get to count the ten zlotys they collected on their first attempt. But at least this time they're calling out to the crowd a little, which proves that after all, this is less of a performing task and more of a begging-while-dressed-funny task.
It's looking like a three-way race to the Pit Stop, and there's some snazzy splitscreen editing of the three lead teams inside their cabs to the pier. Travis remarks to Nicole that Tim & Marie used their Express Pass. I love how Tim & Marie have basically spent all of their energy on Express Pass strategizing, and then ended up using theirs in a leg in which doing so broadcasted to all the other teams, "HEY! WE USED OUR EXPRESS PASS!" Travis adds, "It's really rough if you use the Express Pass and don't win the leg." I say it's even rougher to use it thinking you need to save yourself then and end up in the middle of the pack, which is what often happens. Marie tells Tim, "I'm gonna have a heart attack and a panic attack and I'm going to throw up and pass out at the same time." Sounds like she's going to need some splitscreen editing of her own. Nicole & Travis seem to be the first team to spot the pier from their cab, and soon all three teams are running for it on foot, yelling at their partners to hurry. But the first team to reach the pier is… Tim & Marie. So they just became the first team to win two legs -- both with the help of the Express Passes, in a sense. Jason & Amy are right behind them, and then Nicole & Travis trudge up the steps before Phil even bothers addressing anyone. The female greeter welcomes them to Gdańsk, Poland, and Phil checks in Tim & Marie as team number one (and the winners of a trip to Hawaii), Jason & Amy as team number two and Travis & Nicole as team number three. Travis interviews that his helping Marie and Amy cost him and Nicole first place -- but the exes have use their Express Pass and the ER docs still have the other one. I'll point out that Travis benefited from Marie and Amy's help first, if anyone asks me, which they won't.
The blondes show up at the apartment building in sixth place and Ashley takes this one. Meanwhile, Brandon & Adam are having to take a lot of rest breaks at the Neptune fountain and are getting roundly ignored by the locals as they holler for change. Plus they're a lot more physically tired than they were before they did the polka. Aren't they the ones who were happy about racing nonstop? It's going badly enough for them that they're smacked with a commercial break, but of course they're not giving up. After we come back, they do some more yelling and try offering someone a kiss for 50 zlotys. What is left unsaid is that for 75 zlotys, they leave you alone.
Ashley is working her way through some yellow-filled donuts in the apartment building when the Afghanimals show up outside and Jamal makes Leo do this one. The Hairballs finally get their last ten zlotys from some backpacker, and after counting their coins and precious few bills, they are finally done with the Detour, still in last place. By kind of a lot.
At the Pit Stop, Nicky & Kim are team number four. They hug happily as though they never even had a lead that they blew by being stupid, which of course they probably didn't, as far as they know. Then Tim & Danny show up in fifth place while the baseball wives are still there. Surprisingly, Danny doesn't rip off his dress the moment his feet touch the mat. I think he's secretly starting to dig it.
Brandon & Adam are in their cab to the Roadblock, saying they're not giving up because one never knows. Especially with this Roadblock, at which Leo and Ashley are joining forces, worried that the Hairballs are only ten minutes behind. In fact, Brandon & Adam have the building in sight -- but Ashley takes a bite that's shot so dramatically it can only be the red-filled donut. Which it is, and when Leo takes his bite across the table from her, there are celebrations and kisses all around. So the Ice-Ghanimals are off to the Pit Stop. It's not looking good for the Hairballs even when they finally make it to the clue box and Adam heads inside to do the Roadblock. Then we see the Afghanimals arriving at the Pit Stop in sixth place. They interview how they've proven that they're not easy to get rid of, much like any other rash. And then Ally & Ashley check in as team number seven, even though nobody U-turned them.
That leaves only the Hairballs, still at the apartment complex. Adam takes a few bites of several different donuts in a dissolve-filled loser-edit as Brandon says that while they've been friends for 22 years, Adam lives in the woods so they don't see each other as much as they used to. Adam finally gets the red donut and takes another bite. "Tastes like victory," he says. And sounds like delusion. The sun is getting low in the sky when they finally arrive at the mat, where they are officially Philiminated. Adam says they went from first to last, but of course they're not the first team to do that this season, right, Chester & Ephraim? He says they've enjoyed the race but are sad to be missing the rest of it. Brandon interviews that they couldn't have bought this experience even with the million dollars, "But we've been doing crazy stuff together before the race started and it's not gonna stop just because the race is over." They'll just have to do it with fewer cameras around. Or at least fewer TV network cameras. Adam is also looking forward to their adventure together, and underlines the thought with a "derp-a-derp." Which, now that I think about it, would have been a perfect exit line for any number of other Amazing Race teams in the past.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.
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