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The teams all travel together to the Norwegian fishery village of Svolvaer. The fourth leg ends up being run overnight, but since they're north of the Arctic Circle, the sun never sets. It's a little eerie. Things start right off with a Detour in which most teams opt to string together bundles of fish-heads and then hang them on a drying rack. But they're soon spread out by the desperate shortage of taxis in Svolvaer in the middle of the night, so some choose to cab it, some choose to hoof it, and some end up hoofing it even though they would have preferred not to.
Tim & Marie take an early lead at the fish-head task owing to having grabbed the first taxi, but their leg goes downhill from there, starting with making their fish-head bundles the wrong size at first. Eventually other teams join them and they get straightened out. Then it's a long, hard hike across town with wheelbarrows full of fish heads, which the exes incorrectly hang on a part of the rack that has no flag marker. Three other teams (Jason & Amy, Brandon & Adam, and Nicole & Travis) pass them before they figure out their mistake. Meanwhile, the Afghanimals have a bum wheelbarrow which they have to physically carry, so that's enjoyable.
After finishing the Detour, the teams get to take a speedboat ride to a bridge where they have to swing from a rope into the Arctic Ocean and get their clue. The hairballs leave this Roadblock in first place, then find themselves at home in a pickup commercial where they have to tow a boulder off of their clue. They're still in the lead as that clue, which includes a pouch of "Viking coins," sends them to the Pit Stop. Other teams complete this task with varying degrees of success, with the non-stick-driving blondes at the lower end of the range.
As for the other Detour option, Tim & Danny and Nicky & Kim opt for a much more time-consuming task that requires them to retrieve thirty fish from atop a three-story drying rack, then beat them into jerky with a hammer. It's not as fun as it sounds. The Okies are in seventh and the baseball wives in last by the time that's over, but Tim & Danny are looking good at the truck task.
As for the Pit Stop, that's not entirely resolved. Brandon & Adam do indeed get there first and win the leg. Other teams are also on their way, but Tim & Marie -- yes, them again -- drove off without the part of the clue that tells them where to actually go. The ER docs encounter them en route to the Pit Stop, and Nicole tells Marie to put her money where her mouth has been for the last four legs and give her the Express Pass in exchange for telling her where the Pit Stop is. And we get the dreaded "To Be Continued" before anyone else reaches the mat, or before Marie figures out that she might have to hand off of her precious Express Pass an entire leg before she wanted to.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!"This is Castela des Mouros," Phil reminds us, "a castle built high above the town of Sintra, Portugal." That's about 20 minutes outside Lisbon, per Google Maps. He's coming to us from the top of one of the long ramparts that appear to stretch down much of the hill's considerable height, saying, "These ancient ruins are often referred to as a miniature Great Wall of China, and are now the start of the fourth leg in a race around the world." That's a pretty clunky nickname, since "miniature" contradicts that sense of the word "great" and I can't help noticing that there is very little China on my screen.
But anyway, Nicole & Travis, who won the leg, are starting this one first, at 11:08 PM. You'll be glad to know they appear to be at ground level and will not be expected to negotiate the narrow castle walls in the dark. Their clue is sending them to Svolvaer, Norway, which Phil says is not only more than two thousand miles by plane and ferry, but north of the Arctic Circle. It also meets the one surefire criterion that indicates a place is an international backwater, which is that its name is not in Spellcheck. Their clue is waiting for them at the ferry terminal. The married ER docs hop a taxi to the travel agency, hoping to get an earlier flight than the other teams. Which worked out pretty well for them last week, so why not? Nicole interviews that she's from Brooklyn, where she grew up not letting people take advantage of her and has held onto those lessons. Travis says that he's learned on the race that Nicole's even tougher than he thought she was. It's almost as though this character note is being used to set something up for later.
Jason & Amy are taking off in second place, at 11:14 PM. Like Nicole & Travis, they're also not excited about being Arctic-bound, but Amy interviews how Nicole & Travis's marriage is an inspiration for them. She's also hoping for an earlier flight for Nicole & Travis, and to be on it with them. Which also worked out pretty well for them last week, so why not?
The ER docs show up at Osiris Travel, a storefront agency which is almost offensively bright this late at night. The agent running the computer is able to find a flight out at 8:55 in the morning, and nothing earlier. Amy & Jason catch up with them at the desk, and after Amy asks about some flights that don't exist, the sky-blue alliance heads to the airport, resigned to flying to the destination with the other six remaining teams. People got a little spoiled about not having to do that, didn't they?
So without bothering with any of the other teams' departure times (just as I predicted), we rejoin all of the teams at the Lisbon airport, all boarding the same plane for the first time this season. An Amazing Green Line takes them up to Bodo, Norway, which is all alpine and majestic but not at all snowy right now, because it's summer. Teams do the standard backpack-jog through the airport, but once they're outside and waiting for the ferry they settle down to time-killing pursuits like being cold and trying to figure out how to pronounce Svolvaer. Ally interviews about how the sun never set due to their being north of the Arctic Circle, and that they'd never been in a place where that happens. Which explains why she has so much difficulty coming up with the right words to express it. The gangway drops and as teams get ready to board, Adam shows off some fishing line he scrounged from somewhere and wrapped around his fingers because he plans to use it with some safety pins to fish off the back of the ferry. Wow, I've never seen someone who puts as much effort into fishing as I put into avoiding it. They interview about how their friendship dates back to junior high, and how their beards are easy and low-maintenance. "And I mean, who doesn't want a mustache?" Uh, most women Adam meets, probably?
Soon the teams are boarding the ferry, which looks pretty cozy inside. Marie, who has been getting increasingly "my precioussss" with her extra Express Pass, interviews that she isn't going to give it to anyone until the end of the fifth leg. That's the longest the rules allow her to hold onto it, and she wants to maximize her leverage over the other teams for as long as possible. However, she's already ruled out certain teams as candidates, like the Afghanimals (who I agree are jerks, but who are also ticking time bombs) and the blondes ("they might as well be in the Afghanimals' backpacks," Marie says, with which I also agree). It has occurred to her to do the "nice thing" and give it to Nicole & Travis, who came so close to winning it themselves, but when has Marie ever done the "nice thing?" Although she says her reluctance to give it to them is because the ER docs are a more competitive team. But of course so will any team be who is still around at the end of leg five, idiot. And yes, I am referring to the team comprised of Tim & Marie using singular pronouns. How about that?
The ferry gets underway, and it's a fast one; the racers entertain themselves by standing on the deck and leaning into the wind at about a fifteen-degree angle and various other forms of clowning. Three hours later, the ferry docks in Svolvaer. And yes, it's 11:05 PM, but it's still daylight outside. In fact, the sky looks like that of a summer's evening, the hour before the sun goes down and the bugs come out. But it's already as dark as it's going to get. The teams dash off the boat en masse and straight to the clue box at the end of the dock, with Leo unnecessarily and obnoxiously ululating, as ulusual.
They're starting off with a Detour, the choices being "Hang Your Head" or "Hammer of the Cods." No, that last one is not a typo. Phil stands on the dock, saying teams will have the opportunity to "work with Svolvaer's number-one moneymaker: fish." Thanks for waving that big slimy stringer of them directly in the camera, Phil. For "Hang Your Head," the teams will need to string together half a dozen bundles of ten fish heads each (which is actually grosser than it sounds, as I'll describe later), then wheel them to drying racks and hang them up in the sun. "When they have been properly hung out to dry," Phil says, "the fish foreman will hand them their clue." For "Hammer of the Cods," the teams will have to retrieve fifteen pairs of already-dried cod from gigantic, thirty-foot-high drying racks shaped like long, triangular tents (one of which Phil is perched on as he describes the task), then use a hammer to beat them into a kilogram of boneless fish jerky.
Neither of these tasks seem especially pleasant, and Jason & Amy seem torn. Adam decides to go with fish heads. "Let's get stinky," he says to Brandon, which seems like it would be a short trip. They interview how they're all about physical and outdoor stuff, being former Boy Scouts. "Now we're Man Scouts," Adam cracks, sounding as though he's name-checking a longstanding gay porn franchise. Nicole & Travis decide to join Jason & Amy at the Hang Your Head option, as indeed do most of the rest of the teams except two. Those two teams are Okies Tim & Danny, and baseball wives Nicky & Kim, whose ignorance of what a kilo is at least tells us that they're not into drug trafficking.
Now it's a matter of everyone figuring out where to go and how to get there. Yes, it's obviously the fish factory, but Tim & Marie learn that it's a few kilometers away and go running off to grab a cab. There's a montage of people getting directions and deciding how to proceed .The blondes think it's within running distance, and Amy points out, "We're in the Arctic Circle at eleven o'clock. Of course there aren't going to be any cabs anywhere. What did we expect?" Well, there's at least one, as the exes learned. Luckily, a guy at the local car rental place is on his cell phone, probably on a conference call with every taxi driver in the city. Or maybe just a regular call with the one. Brandon & Adam aren't waiting around and are already hoofing it over a long bridge, enjoying the scenery and expecting Vikings to come over a nearby mountain at any moment. And adopt them as their own, it goes without saying.
Unsurprisingly, the exes are the first team to reach the fish factory. Someone has helpfully put up a hand-painted sign indicating the two Detour options with pictograms of a fish head and a hammer, and Amazing Arrows pointing the way to each one. Tim & Marie throw on bright coveralls and head into the warehouse, where the grossness of what they're about to do hits them for the first time, along with what is most likely quite an aroma. It's a large room of tables and bins covered with, what else, hundreds and hundreds of severed fish heads, all wet and slimy with mouths and eyes agape. It's pretty horrible and I can't even smell it. Marie, who I guess is in charge of the clue-reading today (as she is of everything else, on every other day), tells Tim they need six bundles with eight heads each. Yes, Phil said ten heads each. Don't say anything. Marie tasks Tim with using the provided lengths of thin rope to thread the giant, erect needle upon which they'll be impaling the fish heads. And upon which they are soon impaling them, with all necessary attendant gooshy noises. So this is one of the steps in making fish head soup? Good thing I was never going to touch the stuff as long as I live anyway.
Meanwhile, some other teams are still waiting downtown for cabs to show up. Amy & Jason claim the first minivan taxi that shows up, while the Ice-Ghanimals are still on foot. Jason & Amy's taxi passes the latter group on the road. "We just passed the Ass-animals," Amy says while Leo breaks into a run to try to follow them. I don't recall seeing the genesis of the dating couple's antipathy towards Leo & Jamal, but the latter team is irritating enough in general that we probably didn't need to. Soon the Afghanimals are leading the blondes across the bridge we saw the hairballs cross a while ago. And back downtown, it's 11:25 and the ER docs and the Okies are still waiting for cabs. Or a cab, or a friendly Valkyrie, or some damn thing. Nicole warns the latter team that the taxi is theirs, and flexes her guns in mock-warning that's not entirely mock. Meanwhile, Brandon & Adam have finally reached the far end of the bridge, and start running down the pier to the fish factory. They arrive on the impaling-floor to join the exes just as Tim is tying up their first bundle, and Marie frets aloud that Brandon & Adam will be good at this; "They eat gross stuff and do gross stuff all the time." They're right behind you, Marie. And yet, because they're correctly impaling ten heads per bundle as opposed to your eight, they're also ahead of you.
Jason & Amy's cab drops them off at the factory and Jason tells the driver, "Go pick our friends up." Wow, so maybe there really is only one cab on duty right now. The Ice-Ghanimals come running up moments later. Back in town, Nicole & Travis hop into the cab that just came back for them. Tim & Danny get into another one, so it looks like the city's taxi fleet is twice as large as I suspected. Nicky & Kim are left behind, again, and Travis says that doing this on foot would have left them tired for the rest of the leg. But that's what Nicky & Kim are going to have to do. This is not a spoiler, but goodbye, Nicky & Kim.
Soon most of the teams are on the factory floor, busily bundling heads in units of ten (or eight), and looking far too alike in their identical coveralls. Jason points out to Marie that the pro working alongside everyone -- who wasn't really noticeable until now -- has ten heads per bundle as opposed to Tim & Marie's eight, and Marie realizes her mistake. Which I am sure is a much quieter process than if she were realizing Tim's mistake. She interviews that Jason & Amy know they have the Express Pass. "I don't really care what their motivation is for wanting to help me as long as they help me," she adds, showing off those people skills for which she's become so famous. Meanwhile, Amy is busying herself by being Little Miss Helpful, lining up the fish heads for Jason and giving tips to Nicole & Travis, because while these jobs may not be strictly necessary, she no doubt prefers them to taking a turn at impaling fish heads on a giant needle herself. Brandon & Adam seem to be doing well, while the Afghanimals are struggling a bit and the blondes are just grossed out, especially when Ashley finds herself holding a smaller fish head. "It's like a child!" she says tossing it aside, while Ally smacks fish heads down onto the needle like they owe her money.
Nicky & Kim finally reach the fish factory on foot and head uphill to the hammer task. Tim & Danny have only now reached the giant drying racks, where the odor of the drying cod is…noticeable. I can't believe the whole town doesn't go through summer smelling like the dumpster behind Long John Silver's, to be honest. Danny is going to have to put on a climbing harness to climb to the very top of the rack to retrieve their fish. So it's less gross, but it's going to take a while. Your classic tortoise/disgusting hare choice.
Tim & Marie seem to have their fish heads bundled, and Marie yells at him about having to push their fish outside, like it's his fault he doesn't know what to do when she refuses to share the clue with him. She leads the way down the street, while back in the warehouse, Amy has found another vital job that keeps her too busy to stab fish-heads: that of narrator. "Oh my God, you're so good at wheelbarrowing!" Marie calls back to Tim as he runs behind her with their roly-poly fish heads. Yes, she just gave him a compliment. Meanwhile, having run out of essential non-fish-impaling tasks to occupy her, Amy has shifted to flattery of her partner. "Everything he does is really sexy," she says as he ties off the last bundle with his fish-gut-slicked gloves. I suspect the sexiest thing he's doing right now is not to make her help him with this. Their heads are all bundled, and they're on their way. "In the midnight sun," Amy says as they jog down the street with Jason operating the wheelbarrow. "It's pretty much midnight right now." That was pretty much not all that poetic.
The first team to arrive on foot, Brandon & Adam, have just finished their last bundle. "We're pretty good at slammin' a head onto a rock," Brandon explains, terrifyingly, and soon they're wheeling their head-bundles along the street. Other teams are getting close to finishing this part of the task, and Ashley says that if this doesn't prove that Kings Girls are bad-ass she doesn't know what will. I'm thinking different Kings Girls might do it.
Okie Tim is now having to stand with pairs of dried cod hanging stiffly around his neck while Danny climbs up and down the rack, with a guy standing on the ground holding Danny's rope like at your local gym's climbing wall. I'm not sure which of these three jobs is worst. Tim just wishes there were somewhere to put the fish while he's waiting, because apparently putting them on the ground is a no-no. Nicky & Kim finally arrive, just as Danny gives Tim their second-to-last fish. Soon Kim is up on the rack as Nicky calls up, "Do it for Spidey and Baboo!" Wait, so we already knew she had a kid named Spidey, in which case she'd better be able to absolutely kill this climbing task, but who is Baboo? If it's another kid, I'm going to suggest that Kim start taking humans into the delivery room with her and not just Twitter.
It's apparently quite a hike from the warehouse to the drying racks for the fish heads, because Tim & Marie, Jason & Amy, and Adam & Brandon are all still en route, at a jog. Nicole & Travis and then Leo & Jamal are soon on their way, leaving Ally & Ashley alone and complaining about it. The ER docs and the Afghanimals are both keeping to a walking pace, Travis because he can't run in the provided shoes, and Leo because their wheelbarrow has a flat tire. Jamal interviews how they made the "simple, stupid mistake" of not checking their equipment, which in my opinion is pretty much the least of their offenses. I mean, who checks provided equipment on the race? Finally the blondes finish filling their wheelbarrow with their head-bundles. Jamal is now taking a turn at the flat-tired wheelbarrow and finding it all but impossible, so Leo has to help him. The blondes are discovering a new appreciation for fishermen, like they think people in that job take the fish all the way from the ocean to your table. Finally the Afghanimals have to grind to halt, in what Jamal calls "my worst nightmare." Well, no wonder they always have so much energy to be irritating with; if that's Jamal's worst nightmare, he must sleep like a baby.
After the ads, it's now 1:09 AM, and still light outside. Leo & Jamal have been reduced to lifting their wheelbarrow physically off the ground as the blondes are gaining ground and talking about how this is the best time they've had yet. I knew it; as much as they might pretend otherwise, they prefer hanging out with five dozen severed fish heads to hanging out with Leo & Jamal.
Tim & Marie are finally at the drying rack area where they'll hang up their fish heads, which is so huge it requires an aerial shot to take it all in. Must smell amazing, too. "Unless you puke, faint, or die? Keep going," Marie orders Tim. They soon find an area where there aren't Lovecraftian fish-nightmares covering every visible square inch, and Marie says they can use this. "Only one team per pole," she reads from the clue, and tells Tim to start hanging. What she's missing is that the end of the pole she's chosen isn't marked with a little Amazing Flag like some of the others are. That's probably significant, don't you think?
Danny finally hangs the last pair of cod onto Tim, who already has the dried fins of twenty-eight other fish biting into his flesh. Looks uncomfortable, to say the least. Kim drapes the fifth pair on Nicky, who is also not digging this. She asks Kim to get as many as she can at one time. "But we're doing great, "she says from beneath a shoulder-load of fish. "I think we can do this." In other words, they aren't whining yet.
Jason & Amy arrive at the drying racks, and confirm with Tim & Marie that they're hanging them centered so that five fish heads from each bundle are on each side of the pole. Then Amy & Jason go to a pole that is marked on the end, though Marie doesn't hear that observation because she's calling the judge over to check their work. He's still looking it over when Amy calls for a check. Marie lies that she hopes they're both right, and when she gets a no, Amy asks for a check while Marie tries to figure out how Tim screwed this up. The Hairballs arrive and go right to work hanging their fish on a correctly marked pole as well. And Jason & Amy finish this Detour in first place, and get a clue that tells them to take a high-speed boat to Henningsvaer, a fishing village where they'll find their clue.
Marie is still at a loss as to what they did wrong, and she and Tim are now retying their bundles on the ground, still unaware of the marked-pole requirement and already starting to talk about using their Express Pass. I say "already" as if they ever talk about anything else. Brandon & Adam get their clue in second place, and on their way out, Marie asks the Hairballs what she and Tim did wrong. "Well I don't have time to sit and look at yours," Brandon says reasonably, whereupon Marie blares, "We have an Express Pass! Help us!" Oh, my Gaaahd, Marie, enough already. Nobody believes your shit any more. Adam interviews after the fact that Marie is "a little bit manipulative to begin with," and Brandon adds that every other team has told them that she's offered the Express Pass to them, too. Which doesn't surprise me at all. So on the way away from the Detour, Adam says, "I don't need your damn Express Pass." Marie calls for another check, and since they're still using the same incorrect pole, it's still wrong. "Why is this happening to me? I'm nice to everyone," Marie lies to herself. Meanwhile, the Hairballs are jogging back up the road, mocking Marie's shrill and incessant Express Pass-dangling. "I'll tell you where you can stick your Express Pass, whoo-woo!" Finally, someone's figured out that the whole Express Pass thing is totally overrated. I just wish Marie would, but that's never going to happen.
Amy & Jason run past Tim & Danny as the Okies are carrying their dried fish, Amy calling, "Good luck guys, be careful!" Tim is trying to offload some of his flesh-cutting fish onto Danny, but Danny's already overloaded with both their backpacks. I suppose putting fish into the backpacks is out of the question? When Amy & Jason meet the ER docs coming up the road with their wheelbarrow, she advises them to look for the poles with the tiny race flags on the ends, which is something she did not share with Tim & Marie, obviously. And then they pass the Afghanimals, who on top of everything else have fallen to bickering, and interview that it was nice to see them in trouble. Then Amy flirts with the blondes, the last team to be coming up the road. That's what being nice to people looks like, Marie. And it allowed Amy to get away with minimal fish-head contact.
Maries frustration level is rising, as if it ever goes in any other direction, while Tim insists that he did it right. As Nicole & Travis arrive, Marie orders Tim, "Figure out what's wrong in the thirty seconds or just use the Express Pass and get the hell out of here." She goes over to snoop at the ER docs' pole, which is when she finally sees that the other team's pole has a little flag on the end. She rushes back to Tim yelling at him to unload the fish from the pole they've been using, not bothering to explain and hollering at her to just trust her. Because it's gotten them this far tonight. Tim interviews that while Marie can yell, he isn't scared of her. Marie agrees with him for once and says that's why their team works. And finally, after Nicole & Travis get their clue in third place, Tim & Marie score theirs in fourth.
Leo & Jamal have almost finished dragging their wheelbarrow to the top of the hill when the blondes finally pass them. "Ice-Ghanimals, together forever," Marie mocks as she runs by both teams. Winning hearts and minds all the time, that one.
A very sweaty Tim & Danny deliver their fifteen pairs of dried cod to the cod barn, where they're sent to the "hammer station" in the room to beat on entirely different batches of cod. I don't know why I'm disappointed that they don't have to use the fish they actually gathered, because by now you'd think I'd be aware that's usually the case. They'll use a big wooden mallet and a stump as an anvil. Tim holds the fish while Danny wields the hammer, and in an interview they have difficulty with the unit of measurement known as a "kilo," which they think is either a kilogram or a kilometer. That tells us that they not only aren't involved in drug trafficking, they are also not involved in distance running. "We're just glad to be not walking any more," Danny says as they start peeling flakes of fish off a carcass and into a bowl. I'd just be glad to be in a place called "hammer station."
The novelty of having ten pairs of entire dried fish draped over her shoulders is starting to wear off for Nicky, while Kim is up on the rack lading herself with several more. And then when "bugs" land on Nicky -- actually one mosquito, from what we can see -- she's even more upset, thinking the fish are attracting them. Again, it is one mosquito, which you'd think Nicky would be used to from her home in "the Midwest." But Kim's back down, and Nicky asks her to help carry the fish. As for the bug, maybe they can take turns.
The blondes find a marked pole at the head-drying rack, and then Leo & Jamal finally get to put down their wheelbarrow, which they've now been carrying one on each end like a stretcher. Ally & Ashley hang their six bundles and get their clue in fifth place and go running off while the Afghanimals are finishing up the Detour. They pass the baseball wives, as Nicky struggles under the weight of dead fish that are preventing her from looking up and seeing where she's going. Finally the Afghanimals get their clue in sixth place, and now all they'll have to do is carry their empty wheelbarrow back down the hill. That should be easier than carrying a full one.
The Hairballs and Jason & Amy are back downtown, where they have to find evidence of what must be Svolvaer's second industry: tourism. That takes the form of one of those storefront day-trip adventure travel type places you see in tourist towns, where you can sign up for helicopter rides or snorkeling or, in this case, high-speed boat rides. Inside they find some foul-weather gear waiting for them and start putting it on. In fact, there looks to be enough in there to cover the population of the whole town.
Tim & Marie pass the ER docs on the road on foot. She notices that Travis appears to be slowing down, and can't seem to get her head out of the gym as she takes it upon herself to try motivating Travis, with her usual charm: "Are you dead? Did you puke? Did you faint? Did you die? No." Whose partner is she, anyway?
Jason & Amy and Brandon & Adam strap into their boats, wearing not only their gear but diving masks as well. So there's probably going to be some spray, then. "Let's get some beards in the wind," Brandon says as the two boats pull away from the dock. Marie & Tim and then Nicole & Travis are arriving at the boating place, and then we get to watch a montage of the two lead teams traveling at high speed amid the fjords, with lots of beard-blowing and marveling at the experience. I'll leave it to you to conclude which of those teams is doing which.
When they arrive at their destination, a Roadblock clue asks, "Who's the biggest swinger?" And now Phil is standing high over the water with a long bridge behind him, saying, "This Roadblock requires teams to take a leap off the Henningsvaer Bridge and swing on the end of an eighty-foot rope." As you do. While we watch some hapless production assistant in a wetsuit having to do just that, Phil adds, "When they're ready, they must unclip and splash down in the frigid Arctic Ocean, where they can swim to their clue." Those clues are all laid out on a buoy floating nearby. Brandon volunteers to do this for the Hairballs, and Jason chivalrously takes this when Amy gets a load of Adam changing into a wetsuit and guesses what it's going to involve. Brandon gets back on their boat, and as it drives out to a spot under the span to wait, Adam assures us that Brandon's a really fast swimmer. I suspect that anybody who finds themselves in the Arctic Ocean is going to be in a hurry to get back out, race or no.
Now Tim's taking a turn doing the fish-beating for the Okies. Their bowl is getting slowly fuller, and a supervisor is getting slowly amused, presumably over how lame they are at this.
Nicky asks Kim to take more fish off her back, but like Danny before her, Kim's already carrying both backpacks, so her attempt to take some doesn't work. And in the process of trying, she loses track of the clue amid all the paperwork she's carrying in her teeth. They enjoy a brief moment of panic before Kim realizes it's still there after all. They might still be idiots, though.
Tim & Marie show up at the bridge in third place, and Marie pegs Tim as the biggest swinger. Yeah, I'm sure that's the reason they're exes. Nicole takes this for the ER docs, and Ashley takes it for the blondes, though they're still wearing their diving masks so it's hard to be totally sure. When the Afghanimals arrive in sixth place, Jamal calls himself the biggest swinger, of course. Because he's a wild and crazy guy!
Brandon's still got a head start on them, jogging up the hill to the bridge. He makes up a little song for our enjoyment: "Runnin' in a wetsuit/sucks real bad." I smell a hit. Like Bono says, all you need is three chords and the truth. When Brandon reaches the middle of the span, Adam hollers up at him from the boat, and soon Brandon's out on a plank with his harness and rope being checked. Of course this is nothing new to Brandon, who interviews that when he and Adam were kids they not only jumped from bridges all the time, they used to hang under them until the trains roaring overhead shook them off. Funny, they don't look old enough to have grown up in Stand By Me. Unsurprisingly, Brandon needs little encouragement to make the leap. Unlike with bungee jumping, the rope is attached a fair distance further along the bridge from where he's standing, so the rope swings him under the bridge and over the water instead of snapping his back when he reaches the end of it. Brandon soon detaches and starts swimming, and Adam excitedly says Brandon can swim "like a seal! Like a shark! Like a seal-shark!" But one with opposable thumbs, because Brandon quickly retrieves his clue from the buoy and swims over to the boat, where he is quickly pulled on board to open their clue, now officially in first place. So not waiting for a cab to the Detour appears to have paid off for them.
And now it gets weird. According to Phil, the Hairballs must now return to shore and star in a Ford pickup truck commercial in which they'll have to use one of the vehicles to drag a boulder off of their clue. Which I'm pretty sure will be the first driving that the teams have done since leaving Los Angeles. Phil shows us that the clue will include a tiny canvas painting of a building that is identified with the caption "Viking Longhouse," and shakes what he calls "a satchel of Viking coins, which they'll need later in the race." Interesting; I think this is the first time teams have been required to hold onto some artifact from one leg to another rather than just bringing it to the mat. It'll also be interesting to see which team loses theirs first.
Although Jason is a little more intimidated by the drop from the bridge then Brandon was, he gamely swings out and over the water. But he has some trouble after that, because while he's swinging, he can't reach the little ball he needs to pull to release himself from the rope, and is left dangling there into the commercial break. Because it's such a suspenseful moment, given that there's only one rope and no way for any team to pass him until he either drops or gets cut loose from above. Now, if the rope were around his neck, that would be suspenseful.
He's still reaching for the release pull it when we come back, and he explains in VO that all the knots tightened up when he dropped, which is why he couldn't reach the ball any more. Finally he grabs it and mildly calls out, "Got it" before plunging into the Arctic Ocean. He gets their clue in second place, even though the proper thing to say when you're plunging into the Arctic Ocean is, "FUUUUUCK!"
Watching from their boat, Marie is a little worried after watching Jason struggle, especially since she has no confidence in Tim whatsoever anyway. However, Tim makes his leap and drops in with no trouble, while Marie yells impatient encouragement at him to hurry up. "Are you cold?" she asks as he swims up to their boat. Duh. "Good job," she condescendingly pats his rubber-covered head as she reads their clue. That must have taken a lot out of her.
Nicole drops straight down and snaps into her swing, then wallows over to the buoy to get the ER docs' clue in fourth place. Now, this far into the Roadblock, it's kind of amazing that there's still a team who isn't even half done with the Detour yet. Kim follows Nicky down the road, complimenting her on how strong her arms look from behind and calling her the "Cod Queen." "That's what I've always wanted to be," Nicky says. And the tragedy is that "Fairy Codmother" was sitting right there. Up ahead, at the beating-house, Tim & Danny know they're not in first (you think?) but are pretty sure they aren't in last, either.
Eventually the baseball wives show up, and when Kim tries to lift the fish over her head to offload them, her hair gets caught in the fins, which must be simply awesome for her. She has to untangle it herself, because Nicky's too loaded down to help her, as much as she might like to. "That was not normal," Kim tells the task judge once she's free. I'm sure he's aware of that. They have the right number of fish, and are sent on in to join the Okies at the hammer station. "Is it hard, guys?" one of them asks. "Yeah, it kinda sucks," Danny affirms cheerfully. But the baseball wives aren't ready to give up, (or switch tasks), so Kim starts taking out her frustration with the cod in the most literal way possible: with a big fucking mallet. I imagine that is pretty therapeutic. The Okies fill their bowl soon after, and after exchanging some compliments with the baseball wives, they find out that they have 1.14 kilos of fish jerky, which, not to show off or anything, is 140 grams more than they needed. They make some belated jokes about beating meat and get their clue in seventh place. And some jerky to enjoy on their way out, which Danny doesn't seem to mind at all. I'm sure the judge doesn't either, as long as Danny doesn't eat more than 140 grams' worth.
Brandon & Adam arrive at the mini-quarry, put on the coveralls and day-glo vests waiting for them in the truck bed, and climb into the cab. Apparently this too is in their comfort zone, even if the trucks' steering wheels are on the wrong side of the car. They make such quick work of chaining the boulder to the sled and the sled to the truck that the Amazing Editors barely have time to cut away before they're finished.
Ashley steps off the bridge, screaming the whole way, then quickly drops a fair distance and swims for the buoy. Meanwhile, the Okies are arriving at the Roadblock clue box. Way back on the other side of the water, Nicky & Kim are still pounding fish, but their bowl is already full and they have 1.16 kg when they go to get it weighed. They look pretty happy for being in last place, and for having spent 16% percent more time on the hammering stage than they strictly needed to.
Jamal makes his leap of faith and swims to the buoy to get his clue, so the Afghanimals are in sixth place. Then Okie Tim goes flailing off the bridge and gets his in seventh. That leaves one team who has yet to do the Roadblock, in case you're keeping track.
"Just another thing to add to our resume," Brandon says as he and Adam finish wrapping up the big rock in chains. Then they get in the truck, drag the sled some distance (making an ad-worthy remark about the truck as they do so), get back out, and dig the little pouch out of the ground underneath where the sled was. The clue inside tells them to drive to the Pit Stop, which is of course the aforementioned Viking Longhouse. Phil says that's "a reconstruction of a chieftain house that dates back to 500 AD." And it's currently occupied by noisy Nordic revelers, over whom Phil has to all but shout that the last team to arrive here may be eliminated. He doesn't seem like much of a Viking fan, but then neither am I and I'm from Minnesota.
Brandon & Adam change out of their coveralls while Jason & Amy arrive at the truck task and change into theirs. Jason's not worried about this challenge, having experience with trucks and all. Tim & Marie show up, and Amy asks Jason for help with the three chains they've been provided while Jason is trying to back their truck into position. Then he's pointing out all the different pieces, his New England accent getting more pronounced as he speaks the names of all the super-manly stuff around him. Tim & Marie, however, are not quite as prepared, and Marie tells us that no one's in charge of this one on their team. Who is this woman? Jason gets behind the wheel of his truck and drags the sled a bit while Amy guides him. And Tim & Marie are working less well together, she asking if she's sure he has the chain attached to the truck correctly while they're working on hooking up the sled. He says yes, and repeats it when she starts talking again, causing her to scream, "I wasn't asking about it any more, stop saying yes!" Okay, that's the Marie I'm used to.
Jason & Amy have their clue to the Viking longhouse. Marie drives the truck for the exes, and after her wheels kick a few rocks into the tire-cam, they get their pouch clue in third place. During all this, Nicole & Travis have not only shown up, they've already attached their sled and are ready to go. "The coins are probably the clue!" Marie pronounces as she runs to the cars waiting nearby (because they don't get to just drive the trucks to the Pit Stop for some reason), at which point a camera zooms in on the gray scrap of canvas she and Tim left in the gray rocks, and will never ever find. Even I have trouble seeing it without HD. Totally oblivious to this, the exes are soon in their car, with Marie driving and saying she has no idea where they're going. "There was nothing underneath it," Tim tells her, incorrectly. There is going to be hell to pay over this, I'm sure.
Nicky & Kim finally make it to the Roadblock clue box, and Nicky takes it because we know how Kim feels about heights. Meanwhile, the ER docs have unearthed their clue and know they're supposed to go to the Viking longhouse, unlike Tim & Marie. This disparity in knowledge is about to be very, very important.
The blondes have reached the truck Route Info now, but are nervous about having to back their gigundous pickup into place. The Afghanimals are already doing so, and are relying on the example rig to see what they're supposed to do rather than on any kind of training or knowledge. Which explains why they just toss a loop of chain over the ball of their trailer hitch. PSA: if you're ever driving along and see the Afghanimals towing something on the highway, get ahead of them as soon as possible, and for God's sake get some distance between you because otherwise whatever they're towing is liable to catch up with you on the downhill slope.
The blondes are dismayed to find that they are expected to drive a vehicle with a standard transmission. On The Amazing Race. In Season 23. That's like going on another reality show to make friends. It's 2:43 AM when Ashley literally throws up her hands and lets Ally drive instead. Ally drives out into the middle of the road, parks crossways and blocks the entire right-of-way, and is just glad to not be in the ditch…yet. They're still going to have to back up some, as Tim & Danny show up for this task. They ask the latter team for help, and Danny gets in the truck with Ally to walk her through it before he and Tim start to work on their own. Because the Okies are confident enough in their own abilities with this task that they should be able to make up time well spent demonstrating how much more useful they are than Leo & Jamal.
Speaking of whom, Leo & Jamal mange to get their sled pulled clear without their loose chain just popping off the hitch, and soon have their clue in fifth place. And despite now having their truck in position, Ally & Ashley have no idea what to do with all the chains they've been presented with. The Okies prove my point of the paragraph by quickly getting their clue dug out in sixth place, and then the blondes drag their boulder out of the way and get their clue in seventh place. Not that the chains they draped over the rock aren't swinging loosely on the rock like strings of pearls on a flapper. Let me know if these cultural references are getting too bleeding-edge for you.
"That looks terrifying," Kim says just before Nicky swings from the bridge, which is why Nicky is doing it instead of Kim. "You look like a bank robber!" she calls up to her wetsuit-clad partner, which makes me wonder what kind of gimp-suit heist movies Kim is into. After splashing down and getting to the boat, Nicky finally has their clue in last place, but Kim is back to whining. "I don't want to get eliminated, I don't want to stop seeing the world." Okay, then start racing better.
Adam is driving Brandon, hoping they're not lost, while Jason & Amy are somewhere behind them hoping that they are. But the Hairballs soon find the Viking longhouse, and are pretty confident that it's what they're looking for because it looks just like the picture. Plus it's long. They run up the footpath to the building, quite reasonably expecting to be first, and after some shots of the party going on, they crash the thing and jump on the mat in front of Phil. Apparently the whole party is the greeter, so the guy playing the king today welcomes them to Norway. Phil shouts that they're team number one, and have won $5,000 each. Brandon says this will help him finish the house he's been building (which tells me he's building a small, cheap house) and Adam says he could live on five grand for a year. He certainly looks like he could. Rather than standing there chatting with them, though, Phil hands them another clue, saying they're still racing. "Rip it, read it, and keep on racing!" he says. The Hairballs are happier at this news than anyone ever has been in the history of the race, and they head out at a run. They explain in an interview that they were glad to keep racing, because after all that's what they came for. What a couple of weirdoes.
Marie is now driving aimlessly around town, telling Tim that she has no idea where they're headed. They're passing the high-rise drying racks in Svolvaer again when Nicole & Travis pull up to them and realize the exes are in trouble. Nicole interviews that she could see that both Tim and Marie were desperate, "And something just clicked." And back in her car, she says, "I will tell you -- I want the Express Pass." Awesome. About damn time someone turned Marie's shit around on her hardcore like this. Nicole interviews, "We earned those the first time and lost them because of a stupid mistake that we made. Now we can make up for it and still have the Express Pass." We see her back in her car, pressuring Marie, "I want the Express Pass. Do you want the Pit Stop or not?" Marie interviews obnoxiously that her "immediate response was no," because that's how she is; she's now got two good reasons to give the ER docs the Express Pass, counting the one she herself mentioned earlier, but since it's now someone else's idea and doesn't fit with her preexisting plan to hold onto her all-powerful talisman for an entire additional leg, she finds it offensive. She's just so used to being the boss of everyone because of that fucking thing, even if she's the only one who thinks so. But let's see how that works out for her, shall we?
"Do you want it or not?" Nicole asks twice more, and then she and Travis walk away from the deal. Or, more precisely, drive away, leaving Marie with no idea where to go and an Express Pass that she can never use for herself anyway. Nicole's "Well, I guess I told her" face is the last thing we see before the dreaded (but, this late in the hour, totally expected) words, "To be continued." Well, there are a range of possible outcomes for week here. Worst-case, Marie cools down and realizes that there are other teams who know where the Pit Stop is and she bribes one of them instead. Best-case, she sticks to her guns and gets Philiminated with two Express Passes in her possession, and Express Passes are permanently eliminated from the show. However, a non-elimination leg that renders it all moot is somewhere in the middle, and alas, probably the most likely scenario. We shall see.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.