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The race finally leaves Asia, but just barely, as everyone gets on the same flight to the European side of Istanbul. But even before that happens, Ryan trash-talks everyone from the very beginning, like he's not the obnoxious one in the race. At the travel agency, Natalie and Nadiya snag James & Abba's wad of dropped cash, and make Trey & Lexi accessories after the fact by offering to split it with them. Team Metal are reduced to begging for cab fare to the airport on the street as a result. So congratulations on making Bangladesh poorer, twins.
When the teams reach Istanbul, they race via taxi (and, in the case of the Chippendales and Team Monster Truck, the Metro) to the ferry terminal, where they cross the Bosporus right back into Asia. Jaymes & James ditch the train partway, but Rob refuses to be a follower, unaware that he and Kelley are quickly falling to last place. Despite their money troubles and Abba's injured leg, Team Metal takes an early lead and, along with Lexi & Trey, are the first to find the clue for this week's Detour. They have to either carry large trays of Turkish bagels all over town or submit to a Turkish bath, so obviously the second proves more popular. Josh and Brent face a Speed Bump where they have to undertake the onerous task of eating ice cream cones. But they can't even do that right, getting their first pair of cones from the wrong stand. That only drops them to fifth place, however, because the Chippendales and the monster truckers are still behind them. The goat farmers and the monster truckers are the only two teams to schlep bagels, and Brent quickly grows impatient with Josh from under a heavy tray of baked goods. Even more impatient than usual, that is.
Meanwhile, the lead teams proceed to a Roadblock in which they dress up as local vendors to sell cups of Turkish sherbet to bazaar shoppers. Lexi's cheerleading skills come in handy here, so she and Trey are the first to reach the Pit Stop. Ryan has a better attitude on this occasion when he and Abbie come in second, even though his precious record is effectively out the window. James & Abba manage to come in third despite everything, and Natalie & Nadiya are team number four, with no penalty to be seen. Jaymes & James come in fifth, and Brent & Josh have to direct traffic themselves in order to make it to the mat in sixth place. And thus Rob & Kelley bring up the rear and are Philiminated. How does he feel about staying on that train now?
Want more? The full recap starts right below!We're still in Dhaka, which Phil describes as "a frenetic city, and the capital of Bangladesh. Its colorful and chaotic streets have more rickshaws than any other city in the world." And that's just in the streets. We're welcomed back to the Pit Stop, "this former aristocratic home, built more than a hundred years ago: Lok Shilpa Jadughar." As we get a better look at it than we did last week, the place has a certain ruined fanciness about it still, now that it's a lowly arts and crafts museum. But Phil and his white fedora lend it a little class as he tells us this is the start of the sixth leg in a race around the world. James & Abba, who won the leg, will also be the first to start this one, at 8:30 AM. They open their clue, which is telling them to fly to Istanbul, Turkey. Phil says that's 3,700 miles to "where the Bosporus strait separates Europe and Asia." And there it is, in an overhead shot of a lovely suspension bridge spanning the continents. Much will be made of these two continents tonight, trust me.
Phil continues, "Once they touch down on the European side, they must make their way to the Kabatas Ferry Terminal, where they'll find their clue." But first they have to visit Galaxy Travel right here in Dhaka, because without The Amazing Race, there would be no travel agencies left anywhere. "Come on, legs," Abba complains as they leave the museum grounds, but he interviews that the injury to what is now both of his knees won't stop him. "We're gonna cut it off before this causes us to stop," he vows. Hey, if that can work on The Walking Dead, there's no reason it can't work here. In the cab to the travel agency, Abba quotes St. Barton's Ode: "I am hurt, but I am not slain." "My God, this race has taken on biblical proportions!" James says, overstating the case somewhat.
Abbie and Ryan leave more than two and a half hours later, at 11:04. Which means that Team Metal actually expanded their lead during the leg, without benefit of a Fast Forward. Abbie does a dorky monkey-dance on the mat as Ryan reads the clue sending them to Istanbul (not Constantinople -- don't worry, I'm only doing that once) and says to her, "let's go, you Turkey." They get in a cab and say a not-so-fond farewell to Bangladesh. Abbie says she's learned to appreciate things here. "time you're at home and your Samsung 52-inch starts to go fuzzy on you, don't bitch about it. Go to Dhaka," Ryan says. This message brought to you by Samsung and the Dhaka Chamber of Commerce.
Natalie and Nadiya are the third team to leave, more than an hour later at 12:10 PM, despite having finished the Roadblock ahead of Abbie and Ryan last week. That bamboo Detour really must have been a time-suck. The twins are also happy to be leaving Bangladesh, and they talk in the cab about the two teams ahead of them, one of whom they refer to as "the rock brothers," even though I'm pretty sure James and Abba are not related. "We love the fact that Abbie and Ryan are a competitive team, but Ryan rubs everybody the wrong way. I have no animosity but they're just two weirdoes," says Nadiya, wearing a gray shirt for this leg to contrast with Natalie's white one. Unless they swap on the plane, which I wouldn't put past them.
Rob & Kelley are leaving at 12:31 PM, in fourth place. Rob rudely rejects a cab that looks too old for his liking and loudly demands a newer one. Rob interviews, "People don't know me. They don't understand that I use the cockiness and the aggressiveness to make myself overcome any obstacles that might be put in front of me. I don't get drive from other people. I make my own drive." I love how obnoxious people always have an elevator speech to justify their own obnoxiousness and it's never anything like, "Manners are for pussies" or "What I want is the most important" or "Other people aren't real."
Speaking of drive, James and Abba are just now seen at the travel agency, four hours after they left, finding out that their flight will land them in Istanbul at 6:25 AM. The twins are also learning that there's only one flight out today. Abbie and Ryan are also there, just hanging out, apparently. "The two most annoying teams on this race," Ryan mutters to Abbie, incorrectly. I'm not saying which two teams on this race I find the most annoying, but I can say that the four most annoying individuals are all Ryan. Who keeps on bitching, "The rockers and twisted sisters. Their hair is all the same length. Get them off the race already. I'm tired of them. I'm tired of 'em all." As Abbie fills out a form, she just looks tired of Ryan. Along with a nation of millions. Or, considering what show this is, and what countries they've already visited, several nations totaling billions.
Trey & Lexi open their first clue at 12:53 PM, and in case you forgot where they're from, Trey is helpfully wearing a Longhorns t-shirt and bandanna and a pair of shorts made from the Texas state flag. Interesting that the loudest statement he's made this entire race is a sartorial one. Jaymes & James leave at 1:30, in sixth place, happy to be headed to Turkey. "I could go for some turkey right now, I'm hungry," Jaymes cracks. You know, Jaymes, teams aren't penalized for silence.
Rob & Kelley make it to the travel agency, and are greeted annoyingly by Ryan and Abbie as the latter team leaves. Team Grabbie gets in their cab, ignoring a legless man in a wheelchair hanging out right by the car door. This heartbreaking sight prompts Ryan to say, with feeling, "Get me out of Bangladesh." Abbie wonders what the other teams are scheming about back at the travel agency, but Ryan says there's nothing they can do. "You put those six heads together, you get about three brain cells." Ryan seems to be under the impression that he's going to be the most hated person on the race if he doesn't hate everyone else more. He's half right.
Lexi and Trey join the party at the travel agency, and finally Josh & Brent open their first clue at 3:04 AM, the seventh and last team to depart. Yikes, that's almost a whole workday behind Team Metal if you don't count time spent web-surfing. Good thing for them everyone's going to be on the same flight. After we learn that the teams are being given $100 for this leg of the race, Brent interviews that they're way behind, plus their Speed Bump will be coming up, but Josh adds that they're not quitters. "When we lost our jobs and we had to save our farm, we buckled down and saved our farm. We just don't quit." They don't even quit talking about how they don't quit.
At the travel agency, Abba wonders aloud if they can get on another computer, but Nadiya appears to be done with what seems to be the one laptop. "Clear history cache," she chuckles before yielding the keyboard, to hide either any advance research she was doing on Istanbul or a major porn habit. The twins head across the lobby toward where Team Austin is standing, to examine a wall map of the world -- which here shows the Eastern Hemisphere on the left and vice versa. There's a shot of a wad of American cash shot from so close up you can see the mini-20s printed on the bills, and we see Natalie bending down to pick it up off the floor. According to a subtitle, she says, "Okay, somebody dropped their money," but nobody hears her over the crosstalk. Except her twin, who quickly shushes her. Lexi picks up on what just happened, while Trey obliviously tries to strike up a conversation about the bus Roadblock from two legs ago. Post-leg, Nadiya interviews that she picked up the cash and said, "Whose money is this?" and Natalie says she pushed her hand down and said, "Shut the hell up." In the agency, the twins and Team Austin huddle secretively while Trey continues to be rather little slow on the uptake, but he finally advises them to return the money when he eventually figures it out. Lexi interviews that this could possibly be a game-changer. Sure, if that's how you want to win. While James and Abba sit obliviously at the computer, the twins talk about what to do with the money in subtitled Hindi so nobody else can understand them. "I have a good conscience," Natalie lies, but says "the drive gets stronger and stronger as you come closer to the finish line." You're only at the halfway point, Sunshine, and you're already talking about stealing. What are you going to do in the final leg, kill people? She says Lexi had the same idea, but Trey took some convincing. Or rather some ignoring. "We're like, shut up, Trey, you don't get a vote," Nadiya laughs afterwards. So the two teams walk out of the office, with Team Metal's money in their possession. "They're gonna split it with us," Lexi smirks to Trey in their cab. Trey just smirks back. How is this cool?
Back at the travel office, Abba has noticed that the hundred dollars they got at the beginning of the leg is gone. "Damn, damn, I've never lost a frigging dime in my life," he frets. Which explains how he ended up as an entertainment attorney. Abba explains about how the zipper pocket of his backpack that he keeps cash in was open, so it must have fallen out in the cab. Because if it had fallen out here, in front of other racers, surely someone would have mentioned it to him, right? Because that would be only common decency. James understates that it's a "tricky situation," and outside, he tells Abba not to get too down about it. "It can't happen like this," Abba says like they've already lost, and James says nothing has happened yet; they just need to get a hundred bucks to complete the leg. "It's not gonna stop sucking until we take care of it, so let's take care of it," he says bracingly. So now they have to go begging, in Bangladesh. And they have to walk past a guy sitting on the sidewalk with his arms spread pathetically. Instead of trying to raise cash here, where everyone needs money, they decide to walk to what looks like a nearby business district in hopes of finding people who have some money. In Bangladesh. Unrelated: did these two seriously just spend the whole damn day at a rinky-dink little travel agency?
Most of the other teams are already at the airport. "Come on, let's split this money, I feel guilty," Nadiya tells Lexi, and then they laugh. "So half the guilt's on you." They look quite guilty indeed, verily, tormented by five telltale heartbeats of Andrew Jackson (not really). After the sharing out of cash and culpability, Nadiya adds, "And they're Christians so they'll pray for us." They only wish the cash was Abbie and Ryan's instead of James and Abba's. Because if you're going to steal from someone, you ideally want it to be from a team that annoys you.
Back in town, the metal guys have found a prosperous-looking local woman who's able to fork over some cash when they explain how they lost all their money. It probably doesn't hurt that they look like they've been backpacking in Bangladesh, either. They gratefully hug her, and as Abba narrates, "More locals came up and gave us some cash." One guy tells James that he's his guest in their country. And a hundred dollars' worth of panhandling later, they get into a cab. I wasn't sure how I felt about them raising their whole allowance here in Dhaka when maybe they could have just scraped up cab fare to the airport and gone from there, but it's not like they're going to have a lot of spare time when they get to Istanbul. And I've never begged on a plane, but I can't imagine it goes over too well. "Bangladesh good, not bad?" the driver asks proudly. Team Metal certainly can't argue. It's the Sri Lankans you have to look out for, it turns out. Abba sighs about the day they've already had, and James laughingly looks at his watch, saying they haven't even started the leg yet. Still, well done to all the teams that played a part in draining some money from the local economy. I thought the Speed Bump was supposed to have put an end to that for good. That evening, as everyone's boarding the plane, Abba narrates that the other teams didn't know they were out of cash, and he didn't plan to tell anyone so as not to show weakness. Well, two teams knew.
The Amazing Red Line crosses the rest of Asia, bringing us to some spectacular b-roll of Istanbul, with its soaring architecture and boats plying the Bosporus and traffic that has an actual pattern. The plane lands and James & Abba quickly recover from their poor start as they become the first to get a cab to the Kabatas Ferry Terminal, confirming with the driver that this is faster than the Metro. So they're back in the lead. Jaymes & James and Rob & Kelley, on the other hand, walk to the airport's Metro station. Team Grabbie and the twins cab up while Kelley says this will be her first time on a subway. The Chippendales, who are already on the train, watch the monster truckers get on the car ahead of them, and are relieved to at least not be alone. Trey & Lexi and the goat farmers also take cabs. Now that everyone's committed to their various modes of transport, Brent explains from the back seat of his and Josh's cab that you can either take the Metro or a cab to the ferry terminal. "The cab is a lot faster if there's no traffic," Josh says, and there certainly doesn't seem to be any now. Brent adds that they'll need to take the fastest way possible in order to make up for their upcoming Speed Bump. He fails to mention that they should also do their upcoming Speed Bump correctly. Meanwhile, the Metro pulls out from the platform with only the Chippendales and the monster truckers on board. "This is when it gets interesting," Jaymes says. He is not entirely correct.
James and Abba are the first to reach the ferry terminal amid long, early-morning shadows, and they pull a clue from the box waiting outside. "Welcome to Europe. Now make your way back to Asia," Abba reads. Over a map of the city, Phil explains, "Istanbul is the only metropolis in the world that stands in two different continents. Teams must now take a ferry across the Bosporus Strait to the Asian side of Turkey, and search the Uskadar Terminal for their clue." Team Metal gets on the ferry and rides it across, all on their own. "It's like we chartered the thing," James says. "Just like being back on tour." They traveled by ferry a lot? That must have been a long, slow tour.
The twins get dropped off at the first ferry terminal and tell their driver, "Thank you, boss." Abbie and Ryan just barely beat them to the clue box. "Make your way back to Asia?" one of the twins reads in horror, like this means they're going to have to go all the way back to Bangladesh. Trey & Lexi show up in fourth place, then Josh & Brent. They're all shown reading the clue on camera, so the writers are clearly proud of that one. And all four of these teams make it onto the same ferry, while the Chippendales and the monster truckers are still on the train. So I think it's probably safe to say that the Metro is not currently the fastest mode of transport. Indeed, Jaymes and James are hearing from a fellow passenger about how a taxi is the faster way to get to the ferry terminal at this time of day, as Jaymes belatedly looks out the train window at the empty roads. In the car up, Rob and Kelley are having a similar conversation with someone else, who assures them, "Well, we make lots of stops but it goes fast." For some reason that convinces them. The Chippendales, however, are second-guessing their decision, and they hop off the train at the stop. "This oughta throw monster truck for a loop when they see us scatter off that train," Jaymes says. Indeed, Rob and Kelley wonder briefly if the Chippendales know something they don't but quickly dismiss the idea out of hand as Jaymes & James get into a cab. Rob confidently tells us that the Chippendales think they need to meet up with the others, "because they're followers. We're not followers. We're gonna go our own way." You know how commercial breaks usually hit when a team realizes they're screwed? Well, here's one of those rarer, more enjoyable ones that comes when a team is screwed but doesn't know it yet.
After the ads, Jaymes and James are pleased with their decision to switch to the taxi, which is already going much faster. Meanwhile, Rob insists on the train, "No way anybody coulda got there faster than us, honey." Famous last words. "This might be the leg that we might get us a win." Even famouser, laster words. Er.
James and Abba spot the clue box in Asia even before their ferry docks. They hop off the boat and claim the first envelope, which is telling them to take a taxi to a place called Misir Carsisi and find their clue. According to the b-roll, the building looks like an ancient, minareted temple from the outside, but a shopping arcade on the inside. I find that somehow depressing. Inside, they'll need to find shop number 14 -- helpfully indicated by a bright LED light overhead that reads "No. 14"-- to get their clue. They head for a cab after a brief pause for Abba to attend to the wrapping around his ankle. His knee injury appears to be spreading.
The four teams on the ferry behind them show up and start looking for the clue, and experience some consternation upon seeing Team Metal there ahead of them, even though the latter team is still just hiring their cab. They're barely on their way when Trey calls out that he found the clue box. So he and Lexi are in second, Josh & Brent in third, Abbie & Ryan fourth, and the twins fifth, after Ryan chivalrously flings a clue envelope at Natalie. Everyone cabs up.
Jaymes and James get to the first ferry terminal in sixth place, and Jaymes notices that there are already a lot of clues gone from the box. "We're not as fast as we thought we were," he understates. But at least they're still well ahead of the monster truckers as they get on the ferry to the Asian side, Jaymes babbling, "Wouldn't be us if we didn't do something a little off." As their boat casts off, I can assure them that they are still very much them.
Rob & Kelley? Still on the train. But at least they're not followers. On the other hand, they're sure as hell not leaders.
James and Abba get to the Turkish mall just ahead of Team Austin, but they end up heading inside and searching together. A sign outside reads "MISIR CARSISI SPICE BAZAAR 1597-1664," even though the place is clearly still standing. They run though the main arcade and quickly find the tough-to-miss Shop 14, where a Speed Bump sign is waiting with Josh & Brent's picture on it, and indeed taking up most of the available retail space. The vendor hands them a clue inside a box of Turkish Delight, a treat which at this point is more geographically associated with Narnia than Turkey. Too bad they couldn't get Tilda Swinton for this leg.
Trey & Lexi are now in first place as they open the clue with Team Metal right behind them, reading, "Simit or Scrub It." Cut to Phil, saying, "This Detour gives teams the chance to choose between two ancient Turkish traditions that date back to the Ottoman Empire." But otherwise have nothing else to do with each other. For "Simit," the teams will deliver Turkish bagels -- called simits, coincidentally, although they look more like ballpark pretzels made by a novice at geometry -- to three different addresses around town. They'll have to stack them in a circular pattern on a large round tray, then put a simit-sized cloth ring on their head to carry the tray on while walking through the streets. "Once they have made their deliveries, the master baker will hand them their clue." Heh, "master baker." On the other hand, in "Scrub It," they'll basically pick up swimsuits at another stall in this market and go to a Turkish bath to receive a good wash. And that's really it. This is a no-brainer for both lead teams, as it should be for all of them, so they go up the arcade to pick up their stuff.
The twins and Team Grabbie are the two teams to reach Shop 14 and get their clues and Turkish Delight. They opt for the same Detour, as anybody with a brain would. "It'll probably be painful, but let's just do that," Natalie says. Ryan's decision is expressed by a simple and more economic, "Duh."
Josh & Brent get there and find their Speed Bump waiting for them. Over a shot of a guy working at an ice cream stand outside, Phil explains what only the goat famers will need to do as punishment for coming in last at the end of the non-elimination leg. "Finding this marked vendor, they must buy two scoops of Turkish ice cream and eat this tasty treat before continuing on the race." Aw, poor babies. They head outside and look for what the clue supposedly says is the ice cream stand near the new mosque. And then they walk right past the stand with the Amazing Flag hanging from the front of it and start wandering around the neighborhood. They do find an ice cream stand eventually, but it's the wrong one. Still, the vendor is only too happy to sell them two ice cream cones. But apparently Turkish ice cream comes with a little show, as the vendor does some Cocktail-style sleight-of-hand tricks with the cones and ice cream, pretending to hand it to them and not really doing so, pretending to drop it and not really doing so, pretending to stick it in Josh's mouth and not really doing so, and so forth. So apparently the challenge of the Speed Bump lies not in the racers actually having to do anything, but just waiting around for all the showing off to be done before they can enjoy their treats. Pretty much the only way to do this wrong is...what Josh & Brent are doing right now.
"Europe, Asia, Europe, Asia," Jaymes says on the ferry in the middle of the Bosporus, pointing between the continents. Good thing there isn't customs on each side. They quickly find the clue box on the other side and get in a cab, completely ignorant of their ranking. "Just look at the bottom of the screen right now," Jaymes says, pointing at the obliging subtitle saying "Jaymes & James, Currently in 6th Place." Okay, heh.
Rob & Kelly finally get off the train and find the clue at the Ferry Terminal. "Lots of them gone," Kelley says quietly, but stops short of accusing Rob of making the wrong call as they board their ferry.
Josh & Brent are rushing to finish their ice cream cones, and then they show off their clean mouths to the vendor, who I'm sure has no idea what their deal is. He's going to go home tonight and tell his family, "So guess what Americans have started doing now?" Oblivious to their mistake, Josh & Brent head back to Shop 14, where that vendor tells them, "You didn't pass the exam." That's a nice way of making it sound harder than it was. The stunned goat farmers take another look at their clue, which they now see is sending them to "the marked Maras," a Maras being an ice cream stand. So now they have to go find that one. As they should have done in the first place.
Team Grabbie runs into Team Austin while searching for the bathhouse, and they end up finding it and going in just ahead of Team Metal and the twins, one of whom helpfully tells the other, "Go in, you idiot." Inside, it's a beautiful, restful environment, with five guys and seven women waiting to look after them, and Lexi bleating that this is supposed to be one of the thousand things you're supposed to do before you die. I'm sure The Amazing Race has covered a few of those over the last decade. Ryan just says, "I better not get a dude." He gets a dude. They all pick out attendants, get changed, and proceed into the bathroom, where they sit down at their stations and wait to be taken care of. "I feel very Bacchanalian right now," Abba says, chuckling nervously that he's never been in this situation before. Everyone's enjoying having the last two legs' worth of Bangladesh being washed off of them. "You gotta give me your number, dude," Ryan tells the guy who's currently doing his feet for him. Look who suddenly got all open-minded.
Rob & Kelley get to their clue box on the Asian side and get in a cab, currently in last place. By a lot, I'm thinking.
Josh and Brent find the right Maras on the second try, and this guy's also determined to do the whole show for them, so they're going to have to stand there and watch it again. They don't have quite as much patience for it this time, even the new bit where the guy mock-offers Josh a cone hanging from a torso-sized slab of ice cream. Brent's done eating before Josh even gets his, but Josh also finishes quickly and they return in time to get their Detour clue without dropping below fifth place. They decide to go with Simit, on the theory that "The more physical, the quicker." Yeah, the problem with that theory is that it also involves four separate destinations, which entails four separate opportunities to get lost. Take the variables into account, guys. Ooh, now suddenly I want Nate Silver to run the Amazing Race. Which is not really saying much, because right now everybody wants Nate Silver to do everything.
The Chippendales make it to the spice bazaar in sixth place and opt for the Turkish bath as well. Meanwhile, the goat farmers find their way to the bakery, or at least a lovely little courtyard that adjoins it. I say the courtyard is little, but it's big enough for a Turkish folk band to be playing, which you know damn well means they are. Josh & Brent watch a guy walking around with a tray of simits on his head as a demonstration, and then go to stack up a tray of their own. Brent suggests it might be easier for one of them to carry a tray and the other to ask for directions rather than risk dropping them and having to start over. So Josh obligingly sets the heavily laden tray on Brent's head, which turns out to be well-suited for the purpose. "Not a lot of brain there," Josh points out in an interview. They exit the courtyard, and Brent tells Josh, "Ask this guy," referring to the first person they see. Josh does, and all they get is a lot of Turkish and some pointing, so they go in that direction, but not with some bitching from Brent about how Josh didn't understand (I think he understood the pointing, Brent) and how heavy the tray is. And how his arms are getting tired from balancing it. "And it's hot," he whines. Yeah, Brent isn't the one I'm feeling bad for right now.
Rob & Kelley get to No. 14 in last place and Rob wrecks the Turkish Delight box in the course of extracting the clue. They're also doing the bakery task, which appears to be the official Detour of choice for Team Already In The Back Of The Pack As A Result Of Their Own Poor Decisions (So Why Not Make Another One?).
Among the lead teams at the bathhouse, things have progressed to the soapy massage stage. Metal James jokes in a post-leg interview that this included removing his heart and showing it to him, then speeding it up and putting it back in. Or maybe he's just having flashbacks to being on tour with Dave Mustaine. But eventually Trey and Lexi are hauled to their feet and led back to the lobby in their towels to get their clue, which is sending them to another bazaar-slash-mall, this one called Kapali Carsi, on foot. There they'll have to find a marked fountain inside the bazaar. Even if it weren't marked, the clues sticking out of the fountain will be hard to miss. Even for Josh & Brent, I'm thinking. James & Abba get their clue , followed by Abbie & Ryan, leaving Natalie and Nadiya behind to enjoy the end of a "private twinny massage." This may have been the easiest Detour ever, but after what they've put the teams through the last couple of legs, I'm willing to allow it. Once.
Jaymes and James get to the bathhouse just in time to see Abbie and Ryan coming out and learn from them that the twins are still inside, although we see Natalie and Nadiya leaving with their clue immediately thereafter. Cut to the Ja/meses getting cold water dumped on them, in stark contrast to the relaxing treatment we saw the other teams receiving. It's like the preparation sequence from Joe vs .the Volcano or something.
Brent is following Josh and waspishly complaining about how Josh didn't understand what the man was telling him in Turkish. "I don't speak the language so I don't know what you want me to do," Josh points out. Duh, Josh, obviously Brent wants you to retroactively understand Turkish. Josh finds someone else to ask, but all this guy wants to do is laugh at Brent. Which I'm surprised is not more common.
Rob & Kelley make it to the baker's courtyard, and despite being in last place, Rob takes time to enjoy a little dance interlude with the band before loading up a tray of simits on top of his head. And back on the streets, Brent is getting frustrated with Josh. Some more. Too bad Josh didn't agree to carry the tray so that Brent could have his hands free to do an awesome job of understanding the locals' Turkish. In fact, after an ad break, Brent is decreeing, "We're not going to walk around and round so just figure out the appropriate person to ask." Eventually Josh does find someone who speaks English, and they get directions to a place that's on their first left. So at least they did some of their walking around and round in sort of the right direction.
Trey and Lexi get to Kapali Carsi just ahead of Abbie and Ryan. Team Metal, however, is lagging due to Abba's knees. "Let's just not walk more than we have to, okay?" Abba says. Genius strategy, in a RACE. This Carsi looks a lot like the other Carsisi, only brighter and airier inside, and with a fountain full of clues. "Who's ready to pour their heart out?" Ryan reads from the Roadblock clue. And standing to a vendor who's wearing a red satin vest and fez with a big fancy pot strapped to his back, Phil explains that the Roadblock requires teams to serve Turkish sherbet, "regarded as the world's first soft drink." Phil holds up a cup of fruity-red liquid the vendor just handed him, demonstrating that Turks are even more unclear on the concept of sherbet than they are on those of bagels, coffee, and delight. We cut to a table full of similar costumes, which the racers will have to dress up in and then strap on pot of their own to "serve forty glasses of this popular refreshment" to shoppers. But not for free; they have to earn 40 lira, or about twenty dollars, to get their clue. And filling each cup requires the vendor to bend forward at the waist to -- okay, I'm sorry, this is just the easiest leg ever and I can't keep pretending otherwise.
Lexi and Ryan agree to do this for their respective teams. "This is awesome," Lexi sings as she throws the vendor costume on over her clothes. Soon the two of them are working the crowds, but Lexi seems to be a better salesperson, not to mention handier with the spout, whereas Ryan keeps dropping stuff and having to get help from his customers. Team Metal arrives on the scene and Abba decides this is less likely to be hard on his decrepit legs than some future Roadblock. "Abba Dabbie the Fabulous!" James cheers as his partner gets geared up. I notice that one of the arcades even has a red-and-yellow banner running the whole length of the ceiling overhead, which is either the race making itself a little too at home or excellent location scouting. While trying to pour, Ryan drops the lid off his pot, and a helpful passerby picks it up for him. And then it happens again, while Lexi is making the most of her personality and cheerleader-voice. Which one would you rather buy from? Yeah, me either.
Jaymes and James are now enduring the massage and more cold water. So, you know, plenty of shots of Wet! Shirtless! Chippendales! if that's your thing. In the post-leg interview, Jaymes asks if they don't look extra-fresh. Well, maybe if you stopped setting your electric razors to "Homer."
Brent has to lower himself into an awkward half-squat to get his tall head-load of simits through the door leading into the first shop. The owner unloads half of them, then stamps a piece of paper for the goat farmers in a pointless formality and sends them on their way to their stop. Back on the street, they encounter Rob & Kelley, who also quickly find the first shop. Rob has to duck even further. "If I had to do this job every day I'd quit," Rob says as they also get stamped. But what about the aggressiveness he uses to overcome every obstacle that's put in his way?
The twins make it to the Roadblock, and after reading, "Who's ready to pour their heart out?" Nadiya says, "Natalie, because she's single. "What?" Natalie laughs at this non sequitur. But she starts getting dressed up, and as her sister tells her, "Get your sexy on, Natalie." Natalie asks for some makeup. So I guess she's into it.
Ryan says he's got fourteen of forty cups sold, but Lexi barely pauses to count her 22 sales thus far before going right back to hollering. She interviews that as a cheerleader, "you have to be upbeat the whole time. You have to attract a crowd. I was just being loud and obnoxious like I normally am." It seems to be working, as one guy offers her a lira in exchange for her just going away. Ryan, meanwhile, is struggling with selling until he finds a guy who's willing to help Ryan sell to his friends on a commission basis. "It was genius," Ryan overstates. Abba, meanwhile, is like a bumbling uncle with his granny glasses on and his plastic cups falling to the floor. Nadiya is of course cheering Natalie on from the sidelines, telling her to go to the guys. Which seems more like Lexi's target market.
Brent and Josh make it to their second shop, Tat Sofram, and drop off most of the rest of what's on Brent's tray. Apparently the third and final delivery will be for 120 simits, so they'll have to go back and pick up more. So it's clear to see how this Detour is faster. Or, I don't know, maybe they thought that going to a bathhouse on national TV would be bad for the gays. Rob & Kelley appear to be right behind them, and Rob yells at Kelley for help as he's struggling to lower his full tray. Going back with the empty tray back on his head, Kelley tells him to watch his step. "I'm good," he insists. This is, after all, a guy who's logged any number of miles traveling on top of wrecked automobiles.
Lexi happily sells her last cup of sherbet and cheers herself. "Now we just gotta find our way back." So the place must be even bigger than it looks. Ryan is still selling, but Abba is reduced to telling passersby, "It's for a good cause." Yes, the Two Aging Metal Guys Retirement Fund. Natalie gives a dude a hard sell but is only left wondering, "How can you say no? I'm working my ass off here." Lexi gets back to Trey and collects their clue in first place. Seeing this, Nadiya tells the camera that she's happy for them, as she thinks they deserve a first place win. "I'd rather Texas get it than Abbie and Ryan," she adds, unaware or uninterested that Abbie overheard her from behind. And those two teams were getting along so well, too.
Trey and Lexi, who is now out of her selling togs, read the clue telling them to take a taxi to the Pit Stop. That would be a park along the shore of the Bosporus, where a yacht called Savarona is docked. Phil tells us that it was "originally purchased for the founder of the Republic of Turkey [even though it doesn't look centuries old], and is now the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated." They may, or they may not. For once we have no idea.
The Chippendales make it to the Roadblock when Abba's down to his last four cups and Ryan's dispensing his last one, not forgetting to hug his sherbet-broker. And I was starting to worry he wasn't going to grab anyone at all this leg. As he rejoins Abbie and they run out of there in second place, Abbie tattles, "The Sri Lankans want Trey and Lexi to win first." "Why?" Ryan asks, as though anybody could find him anything other than charming, and Abbie explains how the twins don't want her and Ryan to win. "They're so juvenile. They can suck it," Ryan spits, displaying the kind of maturity we should all aspire to.
Abba's done selling, and Natalie seems to be making some progress at last. But James is too, for the Chippendales. Team Metal reads their Pit Stop clue in third place and they get out of there with James carrying both backpacks. What, is Abba's back coming apart now too?
Now Josh & Brent each have a tray on their heads as they make their way up a long, steep staircase to their last stop, Senkagit Pazari. They get their goods delivered and their papers stamped, and on the way out, Brent says, "We're old heads at this now." Josh just groans at that, along with the rest of the world. They pass the monster truckers on their way back to the bakery, where they return their trays, collect their clue, and get out of there in sixth place, having dropped from third leaving the Asian ferry terminal. They're really running this leg so poorly that the only way they'll survive is if someone else runs it worse.
Natalie counts her lira and finds that she's only three short, while James gratefully accepts some tips from a local on proper pot-carrying technique. Rob & Kelley get their clue to the Roadblock in last place, and Natalie sells her last cup of Turkish sherbet. Jaymes is hollering at James from the sidelines, "We gotta go! We gotta go! We're the only ones left!" Well, not exactly.
At the Pit Stop, Phil stands near the docked yacht in front of a loud marching band, whose red-clad, fabulously-mustached bandleader is serving as the greeter. "Merhaba (Hello.)," he says, in this week's first language lesson, and welcomes Trey and Lexi to Istanbul. Phil tells them they're team number one, and have won a trip to Australia. Lexi says they were due a first-place finish and that today was incredible. Trey ads that they've never been out of the country before, "but we proved a lot of people wrong, I think." Yes, we never thought you'd keep money that you knew belonged to someone else, but now we know better.
Abbie and Ryan arrive in second place after Team Austin has left, and they both look happy. Ryan appears to have made that attitude adjustment Abbie wanted last week.
Jaymes sees the goat farmers show up at the Roadblock and, wearing an extra fez of his own, again tells James to come on. Brent decides to do the Roadblock, telling us he has "a very strong history in sales." Apparently he runs the mercantiles for their business, "So I had no problem going up and peddling this juice." He goes right to work, approaching people and upselling and everything. "I may not be a Chippendale, but I can work a costume," he boasts. Rob & Kelley finally show up. "Better talk sweet to 'em," Rob advises. Jaymes interviews, "Uh-oh. You see Monster Truck, you see Beekman Boys, you know you're at the back of the pack. You know you're fightin' for last." Heh. That seems to be a fight James is winning, in that Kelley and Brent seem to be having better luck than he is. "It's the hat, isn't it?" James asks some women who coast right past him. Also he's dropping his cups, which end up getting kicked all over the floor. So it's commercial time.
After the ads, though, Jaymes directs James to some ladies, allowing him to unload five drinks at a shot. Josh is also wearing a fez as Jaymes starts joining in as a barker, telling people to get themselves a Chippendale drink. I thought there was a rule against non-Roadblockers helping their partners with the task, but clearly the rules are a little more flexible this week. In any case, James seems to have cracked the code for selling this stuff. Brent lies to one customer that the made the sherbet himself, then comes clean when the guy says he won't drink it in that case. Kelley sells another cup, but now James is finally done, and he and Jaymes go off in search of a taxi.
Despite everything, Team Metal reaches the mat as team number three. "With me completely hobbled and out of money, this could have been the end of the race for us," Abba interviews. "But until they throw the dirt on, we're still kicking and screaming." Which is good, because at this point they're the only team I could bring myself to root for. Everyone else is now either a thief or obnoxious or both.
Natalie and Nadiya arrive and are officially named team number four on the spot. And in case you were wondering if a time penalty would be imposed for keeping another teams' money, it's not. In fact, Phil doesn't even mention it. They say that they want another win, and aren't going to be nice any more. So clearly, someone's going to get killed by them week. Okay, look, I know it's kind of a gray area. They didn't actively take the money from James and Abba's possession; they just picked it up from where it fell. If that wad of cash had fallen out in the cab like Abba probably still assumed it had right up until this aired, Team Metal would have been just as screwed and the money would have been just as gone. Teams don't have a responsibility to point out each other's mistakes, so this probably doesn't count as being worthy of an "interfering with other teams" penalty, as I initially thought. But there's a difference between a stranger randomly finding some money that was left behind and the cash getting consciously picked up, shared out, and kept by other teams who know exactly where it came from. Plus, if they hadn't picked it up, James and Abba almost certainly would have found it and retrieved it themselves. So yeah, it's gray. But it's charcoal-gray, not heather-gray. I'm really disappointed in both Team Austin and the twins. And in the race, a little bit. Sure, reality shows purposely leave the rules a little blurry because there's always drama to be had when contestants' varying interpretations of them bump up against each other, but now we know that one hard and fast rule of The Amazing Race is "Finders keepers, losers weepers."
Brent unloads his collected 40 lira, and he and Josh leave the Roadblock in sixth place. Rob looks quietly defeated as he watches them take off, and he tells us, "I haven't seen Kelley since she left, so I don't know." Kelley is in fact selling her last cup, and looking for her way back.
Josh & Brent are already in their cab, but it's not moving, stuck in a single lane of blocked traffic. The monster truckers get their clue and Kelley runs out with her costume still on, yelling "taxi!" while still in the building. Once they get in one, she confirms with Rob that they're the last team. No mention from either of them on why that is. I suppose since they both know damn well, there's no point bringing it up.
With their cab still stopped, Josh refreshingly takes charge, announcing to Brent that they're getting out and directing traffic. Which they do, asking pedestrians to hold off crossing until they get some cars through. But there's still a stopped van back there, somewhere in front of their cab, so they holler for the driver and tell him to get it moving, for an "emergency." I never like it when racers use that word. Two people who are in danger of losing a race do not constitute an "emergency. " But I think we've covered that before.
Jaymes & James? Team number five. Comfortably at the front of the back of the pack, as usual.
So that leaves just the goat farmers and Rob & Kelley, as Brent thinks they'll end up in a footrace. That may be giving the monster truckers too much credit. "At least if we don't beat them we gave it all we could," he says. Rob exhorts their driver, "We have to beat the team that's in front of us or we have to go home." At least he doesn't accuse the dude of costing him a million dollars, kissing Kelley on the cheek instead. And when we return to the Pit Stop, the team that arrives , rolling one suitcase and wearing one fez, is Josh & Brent, who are told they're still in the race as team number six. "And we even took time to eat ice cream, Phil," Brent adds. Twice. Josh says emotionally, "People told us we didn't know how to farm, we couldn't have a farm. They told us our town was dying, we couldn't help our town. We saved our farm, we saved our town, we don't quit." Yes, I've noticed. But what's this about saving their town? Did that really happen? And is running the Amazing Race eventually going to count as saving the world in his mind?
Rob & Kelley finally make it to the mat, never having recovered from that train ride. "Merhaba (Hello.)," the bandleader says, welcoming them to Istanbul like he did everyone else. Phil tells them they're the last team to arrive and that they've been eliminated from the race. Phil looks into Rob's face, which is suddenly like that of the dad in Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, and observes, "I can tell you're a man of deep sensitivity." Rob plays it straight, saying, "I tell you what, without Kelley, I'm nothing. You might think that I'm this big strong bold guy, but I'm so blessed to have this woman in my life and for somebody to love me the way she loves me." In other words, thank you Kelley for not ripping me a new one for losing this race for us by being a stubborn idiot. He agrees that Kelley's worth way more than a million dollars, and after kissing and dancing to the band on the mat, they're finally told by the greeter, "Hoscakal (Goodbye)." And off they go with their rolling suitcases, and the bitter taste of the second language lesson of the week still ringing in their ears.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.