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The final leg of the race turns out to be in Atlanta, which just happens to be Amani and Marcus's hometown. So at least they shouldn't get lost, for once. Everyone gets on the same flight from Panama City to Georgia, then races to a place called FlightSafety International, where they have to perform a landing in a flight simulator. Jeremy and Sandy get there first, followed by Amani and Marcus and then Ernie and Cindy. Jeremy and Sandy succeed on the first try, while Marcus and Amani swerve off the simulated runway and Ernie and Cindy stall out. From there, they have to proceed to "The Dump," which turns out to be the name of Margaret Mitchell's former home. Ernie and Cindy land their fake plane on the second try, while home field advantage proves irrelevant in a flight simulator as Marcus and Amani fail ten more attempts.
However, Jeremy and Sandy end up at a furniture store called "The Dump" and are totally flummoxed, which allows Team Control to steal the lead. At the home of the Gone with the Wind author, a Roadblock requires racers to type out a clue on an old-fashioned Remington typewriter with out a "1" key, and watching thirtysomethings try to operate a manual typewriter proves surprisingly amusing. Ernie manages not to lose the lead, but all they know about their destination is the numbers 44, 715, and 74. Somehow that's supposed to lead them to the ballpark. After using Google at a hotel, Ernie and Cindy are en route to Turner Field just as Amani and Marcus are leaving the flight simulator at last.
At the ballpark, one racer has to climb a giant map and rappel along it, looping an actual Amazing Red Line in the form of a red rope through carabiners attached to each (unlabeled) country that they've been to on the race. Cindy does brilliantly, so they're still in first place as they head to the Finish Line at the Swan House. But their cabdriver seems to be having trouble figuring out how his GPS works. They'll be hearing the word "recalculating" in their nightmares for a long time to come.
But when it's Jeremy and Sandy's turn to do the map-climb, they totally space Indonesia on the first attempt, which doesn't cost them as much time as one might think. It's edited to suggest a close finish, but Ernie and Cindy are the first to arrive, and they win the million dollars, with which they plan to fix the world. Jeremy and Sandy come in second, and claim they'll stay together. Amani and Marcus come in third, but Amani still finds a way to pull some kind of win out of this, making it a lesson about never quitting even though we never even saw Marcus finish the Roadblock. And that wraps up a season that seems to have gone on so long I hardly remember some of these people gathered around the giant mat.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!"Panama is the gateway between North and South America," Phil informs us, when I always thought of it as the gateway between the Atlantic and the Pacific. I guess it depends on which direction you're going. Phil does remind us of the Canal, and a place near the capital city called Panama Viejo. Phil strolls among the ruins, telling us, "This historic settlement, built by the Spanish almost 500 years ago, is where teams will start the final leg in a race around the world." Phil sounds like he's keeping a straight face as he tells us that Jeremy and Sandy won the leg, so they'll be starting out first, at 12:04 AM. Well, why not, since these times are obviously randomly selected anyway.
Sandy opens the clue and reads, "'Fly your way to -- oh, no, we're going to Atlanta." They both seem pretty disgusted by this news. What do they have against the ATL, is what I want to know. Phil confirms for us that the final destination is Atlanta, Georgia. After they've landed, they'll have to get to a place called "FlightSafety International" (which seems like someplace you'd want to go before you got on a plane) to find their clue. They run over to the waiting taxis, still upset about Atlanta for reasons we're about to discover. Jeremy reminds us this is the final three (although he leaves out the part that they probably shouldn't even be among them, and almost certainly wouldn't have been any other season), and Sandy adds that they have to be perfect this last leg. "We've got to continue to work together as a team." In other words, keep not yelling at me Jeremy. In the cab, they explain that both other teams have been to Atlanta and they haven't. "Marcus and Amani live in Atlanta," Sandy says, saying that gives them an advantage that she describes as "huge" five times. How embarrassing for Amani and Marcus if they don't win this now, right?
Ernie and Cindy are leaving at 12:05 AM, and aren't much happier about Atlanta than Jeremy and Sandy were. Before the leg starts, Cindy describes the race as "the ultimate premarital counseling" and says they've learned a lot about each other. I can see that; in married life, it's vital to know whether your spouse can cut it as a spelunker or as a dramatic interpreter of poetry. As they get in their cab, Cindy learns one more thing about Ernie, namely how funny he sounds telling the driver "International Aeropuerto." We hear them conclude that the race has been a bonding experience at almost the exact same time we're hearing Cindy laugh at Ernie, "Nerd!"
Then it's one last appearance of the Amazing Red Line (at least the animated version -- stay tuned for a live-action reprise), going nearly due north from Panama to Atlanta, and we're there, complete with lots of skyline shots over a growling blues guitar on the soundtrack. The plane lands, and it's the usual panicked race out of the jetway, with Ernie and Cindy first, Jeremy and Sandy second and Amani and Marcus last.
Ernie and Cindy are also the first team out of the building, but the first taxi driver they talk to has a blurred face and no idea where the Atlanta Learning Center is. Amani and Marcus are asking directions from someone inside. Jeremy and Sandy, after talking to a dispatcher at the taxi stand, find a driver and Jeremy immediately demands to see that he has a full tank of gas. "Show me show me show me!" Good strategy, but hard to imagine how it could have been executed more rudely. You're in Georgia, dude, not Missouri. He also confirms that the driver has "navigation," and they hop in. Ernie and Cindy, meanwhile, can't seem to find a driver at all. Amani and Marcus get into another cab and give the address, which they must have gotten while inside the building and which Ernie and Cindy still don't have. But Team Control gets into a minivan-cab anyway, offering to pay the driver "a lot." Cindy borrows the driver's flip-phone even before they pull out. Jeremy and Sandy's driver is on his own phone, and Sandy tells him not to tell the other drivers where they're going. I guess that's a reaction to what happened in Panama, but she may not be fully aware that if her driver hadn't straightened out Ernie and Cindy's driver Juan in Panama, she'd be running this leg against the snowboarders. Amani frets at her and Marcus's driver about how serious the race they're in is, as demonstrated by how she's breathing. "Every second in this last leg counts," Cindy says in their taxi, which could be anywhere in the leg at this point (they're driving past lots of trees that look like the view out the window during the final approach to the Finish Line, I'm just saying).
Jeremy and Sandy are the first team to arrive at FlightSafety International, which looks like it practically adjoins the airport, going by the aerial shot of the white, hangar-like building. Amani and Marcus pull up just as Jeremy and Sandy rush up to the old-school clue box standing outside.
It's a Roadblock, and Phil narrates, "Just miles from the busiest airport in the world, and the corporate center for some of the biggest airlines in the country, teams will take to the sky one more time in a multimillion-dollar Learjet flight simulator." Phil's standing in the simulator hangar among the big white pods whose interiors are completely tricked out like Learjet cockpits, complete with a video display for the front windows. An instructor will teach them how to operate it, and they'll have to make a safe fake landing from 2,500 feet in order to get their clue. Jeremy and Sandy head inside and introduce themselves to one of the flight instructors waiting in the lobby. No need to forget their manners. Amani and Marcus read the clue outside and run in, Amani saying, "Get your pilot on." I think I also heard that line on Pan Am, but in a completely different context.
Inside, Jeremy and Sandy walk across the gangplank into one of the simulators. Jeremy's pretty excited about this, but Sandy's convinced she'll get airsick. "Does this really move?" she asks as she enters. Nope, they're just mounted on hydraulics to look cool. Marcus is also impressed with how real it looks inside. Ernie and Cindy, meanwhile, are finally pulling up outside in last place. Although given their pattern of starting strong and blowing it, maybe starting in last place is the best thing that could happen to them.
Jeremy is still more excited than Sandy about the whole simulator scene, so it's probably good that he's in the captain's seat with Sandy as copilot. The instructor, in a seat behind them, gets ready to show them how to steer on the ground. On first viewing I thought this meant they would have to take off and land, because I forgot the part that comes immediately after landing.
Marcus is pretty ambivalent about his first time in a flight simulator. "I don't like flying. Flying is nerve-wracking for me." But he says it's new and fascinating. Amani looks a little nervous as well.
Enrie and Cindy are both excited as they enter their simulator, with Ernie in the captain's seat. Their instructor tells copilot Cindy that it's her job to maintain a constant airspeed of 135 knots. "Let's get it right the first time," Cindy tells a nervous-looking Ernie.
In one of the other simulators, Sandy repeats that she's going to throw up. She keeps saying that and not doing it. It's Legoland all over again. Amani remarks, as Marcus gets their simulator "moving," that she should have taken a motion-sickness pill. Ernie already has his and Cindy's fake plane swerving down the runway. Jeremy does a run-through of his pre-landing checklist, and soon all three teams are up in the fake air. They sound all businesslike, speaking tersely to each other about flaps and landing gear lights, and it's a pretty tense moment as they all approach their fake runways. I do hope they're not about to have a fake collision.
At 500 feet, Ernie deactivates the autopilot. "500 feet, go outside," Sandy tells Jeremy. Amani tells Marcus the same. "One dot above," Cindy tells Ernie, whatever that means, although I'm guessing it has to do with angle of descent. Ernie disagrees with her assessment, but it's moot because she's let their fake airspeed drop to 100, so their fake plane goes into a fake stall. The instructor explains how the copilot has to maintain airspeed, and since that didn't happen, they basically fell out of the air. "That attempt was unsuccessful," he sums up. "Sorry, my bad," Cindy says as Ernie rolls his eyes. Control freak, control!
Sandy and Amani are both telling their respective partners that they got it. But Marcus smacks into the runway pretty hard, rocking the whole simulator, whereas Jeremy makes a smooth, straight landing. Worse, Marcus veers clear off the right side of the runway. "Landing was a bit harsh," the teacher says diplomatically. I used to tell my wife Trash the old saying that any landing you can walk away from is a good one, which may be why she doesn't like to sit to me on the plane any more. But Jeremy and Sandy successfully bring their plane to a safe stop on the fake tarmac, having done it on the first try. "Nice work, here's your clue," the instructor says. They run out of the simulator happily while Marcus covers his face with his hands in unsimulated frustration.
Out in the hangar, Sandy reads from the clue, "Find the former residence known as 'The Dump.'" Sounds lovely. Phil says they'll have to figure out that "The Dump" is actually the former residence of Margaret Mitchell, "The Pulitzer Prize-winning author of Gone with the Wind." And she lived in a dump? But a writer's life is so glamorous! In fact, I'm wearing new house slippers right now! Outside the big red block of a house, a woman in a Scarlett O'Hara getup is waiting to hand them their clue. Jeremy and Sandy are off, and are pretty pleased to see two other cabs still waiting outside when they emerge. They get in and ask their driver to look up on his phone "the former residence known as The Dump." But then they decide to ask someone at...an intersection. Because if you want to do research, the place to go is where two streets meet. Whatever, you two, go ahead and take a ride to Peachtree and Peachtree, see if I care.
Back in the building, Ernie and Marcus both "go outside," which I guess means turning off their autopilots. Marcus asks an imaginary control tower for taxi information, and the instructor politely explains that they can't do that until after they've landed, so he's blown it again. Ernie seems like he's coming in a little hot, with the plane rolling from side to side, but he sets it down level. "Third time's the charm, right babe?" Marcus asks. Or maybe a higher number. Having completed the task, Cindy says, "That was so whack!" Marcus again tells himself the third time's the charm. He should say it one more time. Out in the hangar, Ernie and Cindy open their clue and know nothing about "the Dump." Marcus is praying for help. The second Ernie and Cindy are outside, she asks their driver, Ben, if he knows "the former residence known as The Dump." She borrows his phone again as they figure that Jeremy and Sandy must already be done and gone. And back in the building, Marcus smacks the runway at a vertical speed of ten feet per second and tries not to lose control. "Little movements," Amani reminds him, and looks impressively calm as he skids off the runway again. Marcus looks less calm about this. I happen to think this would be much better TV if, after going off the runway, the simulation included the landing gear buckling, the plane flipping over, and the fuel tanks exploding. It would also make for more effective symbolism.
After the ads, the instructor counts down from three and hits the reset button, which seems to restart the scenario at the point of final approach from 2,500 feet. Flaps twenty, gear down, one dot above, disengaging autopilot, etc. Marcus bounces off the runway and slews off to the right yet again. "That's all right, baby," Amani says with a patient smile. She's amazing. I'd be like, "Do you not have rudder pedals over there or what?"
One long, dizzying, high-speed helicopter shot across town later, we catch up with Jeremy and Sandy, who are still trying to figure out what The Dump is. They get off the freeway and find someone to ask while Cindy's talking into Ben's phone. The "local" (although he has a Yankee accent and is wearing a University of Akron t-shirt) tells them it's up near Buckhead and is a former Home Depot store on Peachtree or something. I don't know who Cindy's got on the phone, but she's explaining, "I'm sorry, we're just in a race and we're trying to find information from obscure clues." Jeremy and Sandy get back in their cab and head for Buckhead, just as Cindy is finding out that they're looking for Margaret Mitchell's home. She's getting the address, but Ben already knows where it is (it's on Peachtree). And Jeremy and Sandy are promising their driver a big tip, for bringing them to the wrong place.
Then there's a whole introspective sequence where the two teams talk about how close it is to the end while they ride in their cabs. Ernie says it would be one thing to lose to Andy and Tommy, but losing to one of the other two teams "would be like losing it to, like, my brother or something like that." Get me to Ernie's family's viewing party immediately. Sandy says she'll need a Prilosec when they get home. "We make it, you can afford all the Prilosec you want," Jeremy promises. Side effects of Prilosec may include severe allergic reactions (rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue; unusual hoarseness); bone pain; chest pain; dark urine; fast, slow, or irregular heartbeat; fever, chills, or sore throat; red, swollen, blistered, or peeling skin; severe diarrhea; severe stomach pain or cramps; swelling of the hands, ankles, or feet; unusual bruising or bleeding; unusual tiredness; vision changes; yellowing of the eyes or skin (I figure if I have to recap a Prilosec plug I'd better cover my ass).
Cindy is extending Ernie's metaphor: "It'd be like losing it to the C student when we're an A+ student." Ernie says she's the A+" "I'm more like a B+ student. Maybe like a C." Feel free to stop him at any time there, Cindy.
Meanwhile, the D students are making another unsuccessful landing. This time Marcus skids off to the left, though, so that might be progress. Although he doesn't seem to think so.
Both of the other teams have a very wrong impression of their respective rankings; Jeremy and Sandy are all excited about closing in on an old Home Depot, while Cindy is stressing out about having heard that Jeremy and Sandy left the simulators ten to fifteen minutes before they did, "Which is not good."
Jeremy has spotted a big-box store which, sure enough, has a big sign on the front identifying it as "The Dump." Ben cuts through a parking lot to get Ernie and Cindy around some traffic. Jeremy and Sandy get off by The Dump's front door and wander in, asking, "Clue box?" And, you know, it's just a used furniture store, so there's no clue box. They stand there flummoxed for a minute before Sandy asks the employee by the door, "Is this the former residence known as The Dump?" He tells her, "It still is The Dump." So they start wandering the aisles. Too bad this is a huge store, so that could take a while. "Are we idiots and in the wrong spot?" Sandy wonders. Jeremy doesn't know. We know that Sandy's right on both counts.
Margaret Mitchell's house is a bit incongruous, what with it being a square, largish residential structure surrounded by downtown skyscrapers. That's historical preservation for you. Ernie and Cindy's cab pulls up and they collect the clue envelope from the Scarlett O'Hara waiting outside. The Roadblock question is "Who gives a damn?" You sure you want to be asking that question this season, The Amazing Race?
Cut to the inside of the house, where Phil tells us, "This is the very room where Pulitzer Prize-winner Margaret Mitchell wrote her bestselling novel, Gone with the Wind." Like she wrote other ones. There are writing desks placed around the room, each with an old Remington 3 typewriter and a stack of vellum on which teams will have to type out the clue. Seriously, that's it? Ooh, but here's where it gets tricky: "They will soon discover there is no key for the number 1," Phil all but snickers, as the Amazing Editors paste one in to the 2 in a close-up of the keyboard. "And they will need to use the lower-case "L" in its place." I honestly wonder how long it would take me to remember that. I used to write stories on my mom's old Royal when I was in grade school, and by "write stories" I mean "spend an hour trying to center the title page and chapter headings" and "try to use words that would result in a justified right margin." The remaining racers are all younger than I am, though. It's too bad Bill and Cathi aren't still around. That has nothing to do with typewriters, mind you, I just wish they were still around. There's a guy in a Colonel Sanders suit who will decide if they've typed it perfectly. Phil rips a sheet of paper out of the carriage and declares, "They will have their clue." I'm really dating myself with my casual use of old-timey terms like "carriage," "sheet," and "paper," aren't I?
Ernie uncertainly tells Cindy, "I give a damn." So they open the clue, read it and both get blur/gonged as they curse. Ernie explains after the race that he was like "Argh, now I don't give a damn." Apparently Cindy's the speed-typist in the family, with a typing speed that Ernie claims (with what may be some exaggeration) is 1,000 words a minute. He heads inside and settles down at a table. There's a Route Info clue on a credenza to the wall, which reads, "These numbers are all the information you will need to find the location of the clue: #44 - 715 - 74." So clearly the typing will be the easy part. Outside, Cindy is regretting not doing the Roadblock, and Ernie starts trying to figure out how to load the paper into the carriage. The musical score gets all dramatic, quoting that moment in The Matrix: Reloaded where Morpheus faces off against an oncoming vehicle with a samurai sword. Same kind of matchup here. "We get any support on how to operate this thing?" Ernie asks the impassive Southern gentleman, who has so little to say he might as well be a monk in Asia with no English, a vow of silence, and a paralyzed tongue. Ernie manages to get the paper in there and start typing, although it looks like the keys get tangled on "Route." Not a good sign.
At The other Dump, Jeremy is stating to share his suspicion that they're in the wrong place. "Is this used furniture?" he wonders. Well, at least he's finally getting a clue.
Meanwhile, in other failure news, Amani and Marcus make another disastrous landing, ending up with their fake plane straddled across a fake Peachtree Street, and Marcus actually punches the ceiling with both hands. Dude, don't break a multi-million-dollar simulator before you've even won one million. He apologizes to Amani, and she shrugs, "Nothing to be sorry about." Well, except that little tantrum, maybe. "It's not easy for a reason, otherwise they'd have tons of pilots," Amani says.
One of those potential pilots is out waiting on the front porch while Ernie continues to hunt and peck, only to hit a wrong key. "Do I get Wite-Out?" he asks the guy, who only raises his eyebrows ironically at him. For one thing, you'd have to use Off-Yello-Out, and for another, it's not like Margaret Mitchell had Wite-Out. All she had to work with was a manual typewriter and a big old jug of offended Wite-Privilege.
Jeremy finally leads Sandy out of The other Dump empty-handed. "We could be way off here," he says as they consult with their driver over the clue. And Cindy tells us she's bummed out. "I probably should have done this one," she says. Sandy decides they should keep asking. Brilliant! That's the kind of strategic thinking that kept them in second-to-last over and over. Ernie's latest sheet is crooked in the machine, so he starts over again. Jeremy and Sandy are reduced to intercepting customers on their way into the store. Fortunately they catch one with a Smartphone. Ernie's burning through his stack of papers while Jeremy finds something on the phone that the customer apparently just left with him. At least now they know they're going to the Margaret Mitchell house. "Gone with the Wind was written in the apartment Mitchell called The Dump," Jeremy reads.
In the correct Dump, Ernie has finally gotten to the numbers part of the clue, but when he goes to type "715," there's a dramatic "blatt-blatt!" on the soundtrack score as he notices the distinct absence of a 1 key. And Jeremy and Sandy are getting back in their cab, as the driver already knows Margaret Mitchell's house. Too bad he didn't know what it was called. Ernie is still stymied by the onelessness of his typewriter, and goes back to his clue as though another look will make it a different number. "Our lead is now gone," Sandy says, having just gotten the memo. Although it's understandable that the memo arrived late, if Ernie's typing it.
Back from the ads, Ernie attempts to use both "I" and "i" for the 1, with no luck. "This is not good," he says. No, it's not, but that's not Ernie's fault. On their way there, Sandy reminds Jeremy, "We gotta nail it, honey. Don't argue, just stay positive." Cindy's still waiting outside. Ernie searches the typebars (okay, I had to look that word up so I'm not that old) for something that looks like a numeral "1" and lands on the lower-case "l," so after a few more keystrokes, he's finished with the task, still in first place. He excitedly carries his freshly typed clue outside, where Cindy vaults the porch railing to join him and Ben at the cab. So now what? Well, Phil explains, "Teams must now figure out the numbers on their clue commemorate Hall of Famer Hank Aaron's [jersey number 44] 715 home runs, which in 1974 broke the all-time homerun record." Okay, sure. And then what? Apparently Aaron's achievement is "memorialized on this former outfield wall at Turner Field. It's here the teams will find their clue." Looks like Cindy's borrowing Ben's phone yet again. But after she's been on the phone a while, Ernie says, "Let's go to the nearest hotel." Look who's working magic!
Jeremy and Sandy roll up to the Margaret Mitchell house, and Jeremy's got the door open and his foot on the pavement before the minivan has even come to a complete stop. Good thing there was a camera behind Scarlett to catch that. Sandy takes the Roadblock. Out on the porch, Jeremy explains how Sandy's better at this kind of thing, while Sandy rolls the paper in and says, "This is not a Mac." Indeed.
Ernie and Cindy walk into a fancy, modern hotel lobby and ask, "Is there an Internet we can use?" Why yes, here is an Internet. Please leave it on the desk when you're done. No, not really; a clerk leads them over and offers to let them use Google, even letting them come around behind the front desk. "Not normally, but just for this time," he says. Cindy seems just as excited about this special treatment as she is about closing in on the million-dollar prize.
Sandy seems to have successfully typed her clue right up to the 1, at which point she says, "Yowza." She gets up, checks the clue again, and mutters, "This is where we get tricky, huh? There's no 1 on this." More symbolism; there's no number one team in the final leg either, it seems like.
In even more embarrassing news, Marcus is now on his 12th attempt at landing the damn fake plane. At this point I'm expecting Leslie Nielsen to stick his head in and say, "I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you." Once again he hits the runway hard, but as he tries to keep it straight, we hear him VO that he decided to take a deep breath and not think about the rest of the race. "And at that point, we knocked it out." I don't think you can still call it knocking it out if it took you twelve tries, dude. Marcus collapses with relief in his chair while the instructor says with a straight face, "Congratulations, you have completed the task." Amani proudly smiles and tells him he did it. Finally they get to get out and open their clue. In their cab to the Dump (which they may or may not have already known about, what with the "home field advantage" they've been enjoying while spending the day coming as close to literally crashing and burning as it's possible to repeatedly get), Marcus says that was like dropping a pass in the end zone (me:" Eleven times"). Amani tells him he did his best, didn't quit, and kept going. Driving past the old Olympic Torch, Marcus still isn't done with the football analogies. "I get to the Super Bowl and I can't finish. I can't close it." Okay, that actually sounded more like a sex analogy. But Amani, who is completely serene, says she still would have thrown him the pass. "You would have been my target, so obviously someone's believing in you." Marcus is still too upset with himself to appreciate how fully awesome that is. I've been suspecting for a while that Amani is in this race more for Marcus than the million dollars, and the fact that this confirms it doesn't make me any less amazed at how supportive she is. And extending the football metaphor, no less.
Ernie and Cindy have nailed down the Hank Aaron thing, but now what do they do with that information? Cindy asks someone if there's a Hank Aaron statue or memorial. While he goes off to check, Cindy wonders if they need to get to the ballpark, and indeed, he comes back to send them to Turner Field. Off they go, in a state of high excitement, even if they must certainly realize that the heydays of Hank Aaron and Ted Turner didn't exactly overlap.
Back at the Dump, Sandy finally figures out to hit the "l" and finishes up. She comes out and Jeremy hops the porch rail, congratulating her on killing it. "I don't know what place we're in," he warns. They start puzzling out the numbers in the van. "It's like route coordinates or something," Sandy says. "We need to Google it." She's half right.
Ernie and Cindy spot the clue box standing in the vast, empty parking lot of Turner Field and run up to it. There's a big map behind them in the background. Like, a BIG map. An aerial shot shows it standing in the part of the parking lot that used to be the outfield of the old Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium (which we can see because the shape of the old diamond is painted on the asphalt, with a section of curved outer wall and a sign marking the landing spot of Hank Aaron's 715th homer also remaining). It's like a three-sided billboard structure with a world map on each side.
Phil tells us, "Working without any notes, teams now face a massive mental map challenge that has the potential to completely change the outcome of this race." Once again, Phil is exaggerating. As massive as the map might be, the mental challenge isn't, and the game-changing task happened in the beginning of the episode, not here at the end.
One partner will have to put on a climbing harness and scramble over the face of the map and, while the other is "screaming out instructions," must thread a rope through metal loops attached to each country. In this manner, they'll trace the route they've taken around the world. See? It's a live-action Amazing Red Line! After they're done, they'll get their "final clue."
Ernie and Cindy head on over to the three-sided billboard, which looks even bigger to humans, and even bigger than that given that one of those humans is Cindy. A guide leads her up the ladder and, on the narrow platform at the base of the map, points her to the red rope sticking out of the edge of the map waaay over on the right edge, at the intersection of the Equator and the International Dateline. As the guide explains (and I already have), Cindy will have to "pass the rope through the country clip of your choice to plot your course." It's worth mentioning that the countries on this map aren't labeled, and they all seem to have clips on them. While waiting and watching fifty yards away or more, Ernie says he just hopes the other teams are struggling, since he hasn't seen them since leaving the flight simulator. Yeah, that's kind of the problem with this finale, isn't it? The map has three sides so all three teams could do it concurrently if they needed to, a good bit of planning that just shows how sad it is that they don't.
Cindy takes up the slack on her belaying line and starts walking along another rope stretched horizontally along the bottom of the map, on her way east. At about Sydney, she pulls down on the other rope, lifting herself straight up so she can grabs a hold of the end of the Amazing Red Line, which feeds out like an elastic dog leash or a retractable power cord. While working her way back west, she verbally runs down the countries they've visited: "Taiwan, Indonesia, Thailand..." As she clips the rope through Thailand, a little graphic comes up at the bottom of the screen showing the names and flags of eight of the countries visited this season: Taiwan, Indonesia, Thailand, Malawi, Denmark, Belgium, Panama and USA. What, no Germany? They totally changed trains there. Dings sound and check marks appear in the boxes as Cindy clamps the rope through the first three countries one after the other. "You're doing great, Cindy!" Ernie calls. Not so much with the screaming of instructions, but it's not like she needs them. Or would respond so much to screaming, I'm thinking.
Amani and Marcus have finally reached the Dump. Amani seems more interested in giving Marcus a chance to redeem himself than actually catching up at this point, which is probably good because only one of those things is now possible, and tells him he gives a damn. But her expression soon turns even more sympathetic as he slowly reads, "Completely type...out...your ...clue." She says he's got it, but he pouts hilariously before heading inside. Sure enough, he gets all the way to the numbers. How appropriate that all of the final three teams have difficulty getting their finger on number one.
Jeremy and Sandy find a different hotel, where the helpful clerks do the searching for them and quickly direct them to Turner Field. Off they go.
Cindy clips the rope through Malawi. I'm not sure I'd have known where Malawi is without a label before this season. Onward and upward to Europe, as Ernie calls out. "There you go, use those bulging biceps." She has to return to Malawi to get some more slack in the rope, but gets back up and clips Denmark. "Spain, France, Belgium, Netherlands," she counts up the European coast before clipping in Belgium. "Hell yeah, going home!" she says. Back to Africa for more slack, and then a horizontal scramble over to Panama, singing the whole way (although not the Van Halen song, as far as I can tell), and then "going home to the ATL." After clipping the end on, she makes her way back east to take up the slack and says, "This is the coolest map ever." They lower her down and she runs back to Ernie for a big happy hug before the guide gives them their clue. Cindy is chanting, "Pit Stop, please, Pit Stop!" Even better, it's the Finish Line.
The clue tells them to take a taxi to the Swan House. "When you reach the entrance gates, run to the Finish Line. Go, Go Go!!!!" Phil tells us "teams [although right now it's still just the one] are now racing to what might be the most recognizable landmark in Atlanta: Swan House." It's a grand old stone mansion that I guess Sherman couldn't burn down, and Phil's in the lawn on the giant mat as he tells us for the nineteenth time, "The first team to arrive here will win the one million dollars and The Amazing Race." Ernie and Cindy sprint back to Ben and their cab, telling him they need to get to the Swan House, "for all the marbles." Doesn't it seem a little early to be racing for the Finish Line, even taking into account the episode's late start?
Jeremy and Cindy arrive at Turner Field after that, and Jeremy is going up.
Ernie and Cindy are now passing through tree-lined streets, happy that Ben has a GPS. "As long as this is the place," Ernie cackles nervously. But then Ben misses a right, and the GPS in his hand intones that dreaded word, "Recalculating..." Ernie explains about the turn they missed, but Cindy says it's okay. "Just go fast." And recalculate faster.
Jeremy's up on the map, and he puts the rope through Taiwan despite Sandy's suggestion that he start at what is actually the Philippines. "And then we went to Thailand," she hollers out, also inaccurately. He clips on Thailand, and a check box appears under Thailand, with a glaring gap between it and the one for Taiwain, under the Indonesian flag. Then Sandy sends him to Malawi. "The little one, it's not coastal," she reminds him, narrowing it down to only eighteen possibilities. Jeremy has it, and then to Denmark. They'd better hope the little clips open so he doesn't have to unloop everything all the way back to Taiwan when he finds out it's wrong.
Ernie and Cindy are stuck behind a line of traffic on a two-lane residential street. That's bad enough, but now Ben's GPS is starting to spout nonsensical directions. It's probably confused by all the Peachtrees. Jeremy gets Denmark and Belgium, then Panama. And Ben's GPS is meriting its own subtitles now as it continues to repeat, "Recalculating." Ernie and Cindy are about to jump out of their skins. Remember, as far as they know, Jeremy and Sandy are still fifteen minutes ahead of them. They should know better by this point, but still.
Sandy directs Jeremy up to Atlanta, like he doesn't know. "Now what do we do?" she wonders. Jeremy pulls the rope tight and asks for a check, only to get a thumbs-down. He wonders if he has Thailand in the wrong place. "Where do you have Indonesia?" Sandy asks, like she brought it up before. I should probably admit that last week I stood before a large world map mentally tracing the season's route, as is my deeply nerdy habit, and I totally spaced the two Indonesia legs for a minute as well. On the other hand, that was two months ago for me as opposed to two weeks ago for them. Oh, and I DIDN'T GO THERE. Jeremy says they don't have Indonesia at all, but he easily pulls out a bit more slack and hooks it through without having to undo anything else. Which is a bit disappointing. "You didn't tell me Indonesia," he accuses. "It must have slipped," she non-apologizes. See how well they're communicating now? Whatever, now they're done. They get a clue and run back across the parking lot. "Maybe a taxi broke down," Sandy says hopefully. Jeremy doesn't bother to give that any response beyond a skeptical chuckle.
However, a GPS inside the cab is breaking down, and so are Ernie and Cindy when they hear another "Recalculating." And another. At any moment they're just going to go ahead and replace it with Allstate's mayhem guy.
This week's "Did you know" fact is that Atlanta has more than 65 streets named Peachtree. As a matter of fact I've been to Atlanta, and that number seems a little low to me. Not that I was scarred by it or anything.
After the commercials, Ernie and Cindy and Ben and Ben's deranged GPS are still looking for the entrance on Andrews (which presumably they'll have to turn onto from Peachtree) and trying to tune out the incessant "Recalculating." Jeremy and Sandy get back in their cab and tell their driver to take them to the Andrews Drive gate as fast as possible. Ernie and Cindy come up on Slayton, which Ben's GPS tells them to turn left on. Sandy asks their driver how far, and he says five miles. Or five minutes. Same thing. Either way it's just off Peachtree. Ernie reminds us that they have no idea where the other teams are. Sandy says they need to take Andrews, although it's not clear if they're actually there or not. Cindy finally spots the West Andrews street sign, and tells Ben to go that way. "Wait, wait, wait, don't get us killed, Ernie says as a horn blares. Whatever, dude, do you want the million dollars or what? Both teams are seen micromanaging their drivers on the last few turns, and we know they're close when we see a shot of the big SWAN HOUSE sign and Phil on the giant mat, the approach to which is flanked by teams eleven through four, all applauding for nobody. But then the ivy-covered wrought-iron gates at the entrance swing open and...here come Ernie and Cindy, the winners.
Man, it seems like forever since I've seen some of these people. Ethan and Jenna? Laurence and Zac? The blonde twins? Has it been a much longer season than usual? My God, there's Kaylani and Lisa -- they were this season? Jennifer has new hair and Justin still has none. Cindy "Oh my Gods" all the way up to the mat, rising in pitch until she goes completely hypersonic as they drop their packs and join Phil. There's Bill and Cathi and Ron and Bill. Remember when there were two Bills? Phil tells them over the din of the cheering, "Four continents, ten countries [even with Germany I don't know how he gets to ten], twenty cities and more than 35,000 miles; Ernie and Cindy, you are the official winners of The Amazing Race and you have won the one million dollars! Congratulations!" The only thing that could make this moment better for them is if they threw an unused Express Pass at his feet.
They group-hug Phil, and then he reminds them of something they apparently told him at the end of the last leg about wanting to win the race so badly, "because you wanted to make some real change in the world." That must have happened off-camera. He invites them to explain to the group, and Cindy says they want to "create an organization that can really multiply the million and help those who are really in need. We've been around the world and all of us have met the most amazing people who are so happy, but they just need a little bit extra. You know? And we want to be able to help them, inspire them to live a little better and to contribute to the global economy." In other words, all the other teams are jerks for wanting the money for themselves. Phil wonders what their families are saying watching this, and Ernie says his are probably passed out in disbelief (all except his brother, who I suspect is plotting revenge), while Cindy says hers are probably saying, "I knew you'd win." She reiterates that they have high expectations of her, and she hopes they've shown them that they're the best team together.
In a post-race interview, Cindy repeats her assertion that this has been the best pre-marital counseling you could ever get. Ernie says she's proud of Cindy and happy to have her as his partner in life, "And I can't think of anybody better to spend it with." Cindy is also proud of Ernie for being so emotionally supportive, which is about the least tangible contribution anyone could think of. "With Ernie here, I know that we can do anything." Sure, as long as he doesn't screw it up.
Jeremy and Sandy arrive , to more applause and cheers, and join Phil on the mat as Team Control moves aside. Phil congratulates them for coming in second and lies, "You ran an extraordinary race." Jeremy says they gave it all they had, and they're exhausted and happy to be home. As for what Phil calls their "connection," Sandy says they've learned how to communicate with each other. Jeremy interviews that their relationship will continue. It would be a pretty long flight home otherwise.
Finally, here come Amani and Marcus, whom we haven't seen since Marcus was hunched over the old Remington. They run up to the mat and Phil congratulates them a bit ruefully on coming in third. Phil asks Marcus to promise him something: "You will never become a pilot." Marcus says nobody will ever have to worry about him getting in a cockpit again. "What happened?" Phil asks. Amani says she had to be patient for both of them. "Never seen him punch anything before, that was my first experience." Phil seems surprised to hear that, but Amani insists Marcus doesn't have a temper. "We've got four kids that are watching, and we have to set examples for, and if they pound any doors in my house it's on." Everyone laughs. Phil says their kids will be very proud of them, and Amani says they hope their kids will learn the lesson, "You're not gonna win at everything, but whatever you do, do not quit." In fact, she thinks that making it this far is winning. "As long as you don't quit, you always win." Marcus, who's been pretty quiet on the mat, interviews about what a great teammate Amani was. "She's smarter than any quarterback that I've played with, and tougher than any linebacker that I've ever faced. And I think she showed so many people that no matter how old you are, no matter what ethnic background you come from, no mater what you've done, there's nothing that you can't accomplish." Wait, did he just call his wife old?
Time for everyone to join the party on the giant mat. Hugs all around, as always. Andy interviews about how the Amazing Race so often leaves you at a loss for words. "Just blown away by what you just experienced, what you just accomplished, and gosh, it's the most incredible gift that God's allowed us to be a part of." And then sometimes you get to talk on the finale even though you were eliminated the leg. Cindy says the race was worth more than the million dollars, what with all the wonderful things, cultures and people they experienced. And then everyone cheers and waves their arms for the camera on the big mat, and we're out. Could have been better, but it could have been worse, too.
season, according to sources: Brendon and Rachel. Kill me.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.