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From the floating village that was last week's Pit Stop, teams are magically teleported to the mainland, where they have to take some "local transportation." That turns out to be elephants, up along a jungle river course to search for a clue sunken in a murky waterfall pool. That clue sends them to find a miniature shrine called a spirit house, which they have to disassemble and transport to a normal-sized temple for reassembly. This turns out to be a rare if not unprecedented "Double Road Block," where the team member who hunted in the pool has to rebuild the spirit house. The snowboarders, whose devout Christianity is suddenly getting a lot of play, hold onto their lead through both tasks even in the face of Tommy's incomplete memory and his need to go back to the start of the task. Laurence makes a similar mistake on Zac's behalf, and then blames Zac for it, which is not cool. Ernie does the same thing, but at least he blames himself, and Cindy is surprisingly cool about it. Some control freak.
After leaving hours behind everyone else, twins Liz and Marie have to shovel elephant poo and wash one of the beasts for their Speed Bump, which they're actually thrilled about, being the elephant-lovers they are. For the teams ahead of them, the required taxi ride to a station to catch a bus to Bangkok proves almost ruinously expensive, especially Cindy and Ernie, who get ripped off pretty badly. Laurence and Zac, however, spring for a first-class bus, then bail and hoof it back to the station to start over when they remember the rule against buying first-class tickets. Liz and Marie, still bringing up the rear, have a scary moment when they give all their money to their cabbie, who still isn't satisfied and nearly makes them miss the bus they've already bought tickets on, only to relent and rescue them at the last minute. So with all the different teams on different buses arriving in Bangkok at different times, things are pretty chaotic by the time everyone reaches the city the morning to feed fish in a canal and race from there to the Pit Stop.
Amani and Marcus win their first leg, immediately followed by grandparents Bill and Cathi, and they all act like they won the million already. Ernie and Cindy make a good recovery and end in third, although they might have scored another victory had they not bailed on their cab. Liz and Marie, stranded in the city with no money, are reduced to begging rides from taxi drivers, while Andy and Tommy end up asking directions to the Pit Stop from a teacher, who ends up disappearing with their clue and leaving them stranded indefinitely. Justin and Jennifer come in fourth after a leg of minimal bickering, followed by the snowboarders and the sailors. Upon reaching the mat, Phil informs Laurence and Zac that the no-first-class rule only applies to plane tickets and not ground transportation, so they cost themselves a lot of time for nothing. After struggling with navigating Bangkok, Jeremy and Sandy are an emotional seventh-place team, and Liz and Marie finally face their inevitable Philimination. And just when I had figured out how to tell them apart, too.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!"This is the village of Koh Panyi, Thailand," Phil greets us, putting to rest growing concerns that he might have tragically lost the ability to start an episode with the word "This" for unknown medical reasons. He says it was "built on stilts in the eighteenth century," which is different than a floating village, and is a "unique fishing community" that also serves as the start of the fifth leg. As the winners of the leg, Andy and Tommy are leaving in first place, at 10:07 AM. Their clue tells them to take "local transportation" up the Kalong Song Prak River, or at least something that sounds like what I just typed. Phil clarifies that after taking a taxi to an adventure company (seriously, I'm just giving up on closed captioning now), the "local transportation" will prove to be a four-ton Asian elephant. I don't know how "local" an animal can be if it has two zip codes, but apparently each elephant will take a team upriver. Cut immediately to Andy and Tommy pulling onto the road in the back of a pickup truck taxi, so I guess the Amazing Editors skipped the boat ride to the mainland from Koh Panyi. We get a little new information on them in a pre-leg interview. I was a little surprised to hear Andy talking at the end of last week about praising God, but apparently that was for real. As Tommy sincerely puts it, "Yeah, we love Jesus." They even show off the names of Bible verses they Sharpied onto their backpack straps (Proverbs 19:2 for Andy and 1 Thessalonians 5:16 for Tommy, in case you care to look them up). Then they go on to talk about joy and God opening the door, and it's like we're getting a whole different idea of these guys than what a lot of us probably assumed. Including me.
They get dropped off at the adventure company, which is pretty much a hut in the jungle with elephants parked outside and a Speed Bump sign with Liz and Marie's picture on it. I assume the Speed Bump sign is temporary. The snowboarders quickly hop onto one of those two-seat litters that are strapped onto the back of an elephant, with a local driver steering from the animal's neck. That is, until the driver hops off to guide it from behind. Andy and Tommy are impressed with the animal's traction on the rough terrain and through the rocky river bed. Andy even says he plans to buy one after the race. "They can do some serious four-wheelin'." Well, they have feet, not wheels. But an elephant on rollerblades? Now you're talking.
Nearly an hour behind them, Justin and Jennifer are the second-place team, leaving at 11:01 AM. Up in the jungle, Andy and Tommy are taking turns on the neck that serves as their elephant's driver's seat, now that they appear to be on their own without a guide. Jeremy and Sandy start their leg at 11:44 AM in third place, learning that they have $186 for this leg. Laurence and Zac are right behind them, ripping their clue at 11:45 AM. As we see them hop in a taxi-pickup, Laurence interviews that's he's proud of Zac and his accomplishments. "But," he adds, "every young person wants to be seen beyond their years, and not always do they have the wisdom. So I'll kind of have to dictate, and being the father, Zac will heed what I say." This wisdom, at the moment, consists of Laurence reminding Zac that they'll have to be sure and use local transport. Wise to read the clue this time.
Justin and Jennifer board their elephant. "I'll give you a back massage with my feet," Jennifer offers it as they get going. She's enjoying herself for once. "I feel like I'm in the circus," she says. Or I assume she's enjoying herself.
Ernie and Cindy, who I'm still calling Team Control because of how she claims to be such a control freak, are taking off at 11:52 AM. It's hard to tell with mostly water and trees in the background, but now that I look at it, I think they're actually opening their clues on the dock for boats leading to and from Koh Panyi rather than the village itself. Must have been too hard to find overnight accommodations for Phil, eight teams, their crews, and other assorted production people in the actual village. As they make their way through the seaside area in search of ground transportation to the river district, they interview about their different backgrounds, namely Ernie growing up as a B student while Cindy lived in terror of the Asian F. He wonders why she even loves him as much as she does, and says he hopes to prove that he can do as well as she hopes he can. Aww, that's sweet. He's doomed.
Amani and Marcus are , leaving in sixth place at 11:53 AM. Andy and Tommy are making good progress as their elephant tromps dauntlessly through a pool where the water's almost up to its belly. By this time, they've reached a rugged wooden ledge where a bucket sits holding a batch of clues. The question it asks is, according to Andy's odd reading of it, "Who wants to hear some otter music?" Alas, it's actually "water music." Phil is suddenly standing by a waterfall, explaining that "the sound of music" will lead them to this spot, where a "traditional Thai flautist" is standing and playing on a rock. According to, I guess, Thai tradition. Speaking of tradition, Andy and Tommy Roshambo yet again for this Roadblock, and their Rock Paper Scissors has now been given its own dramatic music cue: "BLAT BLAT ooommm...". Awesome. Andy loses, and follows the sound of the flute through the trees to the pool, where he dives right in headfirst, in defiance of all common sense. He probably ate less than an hour ago, too. He interviews that it was hard to see under the water (an under-murk camera shot backs him up) and that he wasn't sure what he was looking for, but getting as close as he could to the "flutist" led him to a burlap-wrapped bundle under the water. He hauls it to the shore and unwraps it to reveal a ceramic koi, which he brings back to where Tommy is waiting. Since it says "break me" right on it, Andy smashes it and finds a clue inside that reads, "Disassemble a spirit house." Apparently they're all about taking things apart this leg. Phil explains that the teams will have to take a "songthaew" (the correct name of those taxi pickups, I guess) to a local shop that appears to specialize in elaborate little houses that sit on pedestals. A lot of the stock appears to be on display outside, so it looks like a Buddhist Fountains of Wayne (the store, not the band). They'll need to take apart one of the miniature shrines and then schlep it to a temple with a really long name that, as always, closed captioning wants no part of. Phil says they'll get their clue there, so I'm sure that'll be the end of it. "Every second counts, Mr. Elephant," Tommy says to their mount as they start the slow ride back.
They have quite a few seconds, however, because Bill and Cathi are just now leaving the dock at 12:22 PM, in seventh place. Jennifer and Justin have gotten their Roadblock clue, and Justin takes this one. He carefully wades in and starts probing the bottom with a stick, in a completely different approach than Andy's. I would have expected him to put his head under if for no other reason than so he wouldn't be able to hear Jennifer any more.
Jeremy and Sandy are approaching the adventure company, and guessing in advance that the local transport is indeed an elephant. They and Laurence & Zac are still close together, all the way to the elephant-riding stage. "I love my Dumbo," Sandy says from atop their animal. Jeremy laughs because he's happy she still loves him. "It's definitely not the fastest mode of transport," Zac points out from right behind them. He can complain about slow modes of transport if the Amazing Race takes him around the world in more time than his sailboat did.
Justin manages to retrieve a clue from the bottom of the pool without getting his head wet. Team Control arrives at the elephant-rental place just as some of the employees are washing elephants in the river, with Amani and Marcus still right behind them. Marcus, with his fear of heights, admits to being nervous with all the rocking. I guess Shetland elephants weren't available.
Andy and Tommy arrive at the store and quickly find the spirit houses designated for disassembly by the racers. "We gotta take a mental note in case we gotta put this back together," Andy says. There are miniature people and elephants laid out in the house's little platform yard, and after taking a quick look, they start taking it apart, each of them doing one side. There's a problem with that approach that will become apparent later.
Jeremy & Sandy and Laurence & Zac meet the siblings coming back on the elephant trail, and when Laurence tells them to enjoy it, Sandy mutters she's having a hard time with that, being a little scared. So does she not love her Dumbo any more? Or her elephant?
Andy and Tommy arrive at the temple and find the clues sitting in a big leather satchel outside. It's the second Roadblock in a row. Unsurprisingly, Phil explains that this one requires teams to put their spirit house back together the same way they found it, and a monk outside the temple will give them their clue. Tommy further reads from the clue, "Surprise! If you did the Water Music Roadblock, your partner MUST do this one." The bolding and italics are in the clue, by the way. Also, the clue spells it as "Roadblock," while I've been typing "Road Block" for six and a half seasons now. Why doesn't anyone tell me these things? I'm so embarrassed. I'm going to go check my teeth for spinach now, since I obviously can't rely on you people to give me a heads-up when I'm looking like a moron. "Sorry, dude," Andy tells Tommy. No Roshambo this time, at least. Tommy gets to work schlepping the pieces from their vehicle to the temple grounds. As he works on putting it up under the watchful eye of a judge in white clothes, he says that being Christians, it's been "interesting" for him and Andy with all these Buddhist temples and tasks. "But God is definitely greater than the temple." I'm going to assume that he means God is greater than one specific religion, because otherwise I have to assume he's a douchebag. As for Andy, says that he doesn't feel weird about it: "We know the one true God, and it's pretty straightforward when you read the Bible." Funny, there are large parts of the Bible I don't find straightforward at all. And I'm having a harder time with an alternate interpretation of that remark that doesn't make Andy sound like a douchebag. In more immediate news, Tommy is placing the miniatures around his house almost at random, saying, "I have no idea where this goes." What, no suggestions from God?
Jeremy and Sandy have reached the water music Roadblock, which she is taking for the team. Laurence soon joins her to search the pool. Tommy asks his judge for approval of his arrangement, and gets a no. He reminds us that they worked together to take it apart, and he didn't pay attention to what Andy's side looked like. That's the kind of trouble that partners who try to be interchangeable can run into. After a few more tries, he realizes he has to go back and look again. He and Andy jump back in their taxi-truck. "I should have paid more attention and I knew it," Tommy says on the way. Well, now he knows it better.
Laurence and Sandy are still searching together in the water, but their rankings reverse when Laurence spots and dives for a clue moments before Sandy does. But then there's an elephant traffic jam with the fourth- and fifth-place teams arrive just as the second- and third-place teams are all trying to leave. "Nice day to travel on an elephant, eh?" Laurence remarks. Yeah, except for the damn gridlock.
Back at Spirit Houses R Us, Tommy uses the clue paper to draw a little diagram of a correct arrangement and runs back to the truck. They're still ahead of Bill and Cathi, though, who show up at the elephant hut at last. Bill chuckles incredulously to find himself riding one of them. Or maybe they're getting to the point where they're just periodically amazed to find themselves still in the race at all.
Speaking of unearned longevity in the competition, the eighth and final team is just now opening their clue at 1:35 PM. That would be the twins, Liz and Marie, who were even further behind than I thought. In their pre-leg interview, they happily inform us, "Today we're leaving in last place. We also have a Speed Bump. I don't know why we're smiling." They remind us that their dad recently died, and recall his lessons: "Keep going, be positive, be successful." I like the third one the most. The good news is that at least they have money now, which is new. They only had Indonesian rupiah that they never got around to exchanging for whole the last leg, remember that? At least that won't be an issue any more.
Amani and Marcus get their first Roadblock clue in fifth place, with Team Control right behind them, so soon Marcus and Cindy are both searching the pool beneath the impassive flautist. Tommy's back at the temple rearranging his miniatures, and this time he gets the judge's approval. So the snowboarders are still in first place when they get their clue, directing them to take a bus to Bangkok. Phil says that's 550 miles, at the end of which they'll have to get to the Bangkok Noi Canal and feed the fish there to get their clue. "I thought it smelled like fish food," Tommy says of the clue, which apparently has some in it. They tell their songthaew driver to take them to the bus terminal.
Justin and Jennifer arrive at International House of Spirit Houses, and for once they agree on something: namely, that they need to make a note of exactly how their spirit house looks before they start taking it apart. Jennifer hits on the clever idea of having their driver take a picture with his camera phone. "That's smart," Justin says. "Damn right," she crabs. But still with the agreeing!
Marcus brings a burlap-wrapped clue up from the depths. "Oh, nuts, do you think that's it?" asks Cindy, who has some kind of water plant stuck to her head. She soon goes under and comes up with her own, and the two teams break and read their clues in fifth and sixth place. Back on the elephants for all of them. Meanwhile, after arriving at the temple, Jennifer reads the clue on the second Roadblock and says, "I knew it!" but stops crowing when she realizes how heavy some of the pieces are that she's going to have to haul over from the songthaew. "How come you didn't get this side?" she asks Justin, who chuckles from the sidelines.
Jeremy and Sandy arrive at Spirit House Mart, and Sandy advises Jeremy to pay attention, since they'll have to reassemble it. Zac & Laurence also arrive, and Zac says, "We should take notes." Laurence, with the wisdom of age, scoffs, "No, no," and insists they hurry up and get it apart right away. They do get out of there before Jeremy and Sandy and their meticulous note-taking, and when Zac points out that they didn't take any notes, Laurence breezes, "Not a problem." Good thing there's someone wise on their team.
Jennifer is busy with her spirit house as she says, "Doing this, while it may not be the same religion as mine, it still warrants the same amount of respect. I wouldn't want somebody coming into my church and disrespecting my crosses or anything like that." That's all anyone asks, snowboarders. Then she gets a no and calls out for the driver's phone. Using that for reference, she says, "Duh!" and goes back for the little cup of water that should be part of it, which she left behind at the truck. With that in place, she's done and she and Justin are still in second place as they read the clue directing them to the Phuket bus terminal.
Team NFL and Team Control are riding their elephants back to the rental place in tandem, marveling over how amazing they are. But that's nothing compared to the excitement of Liz and Marie, who are still riding to the first destination and just spotted a roadside sign advertising a "baby elephant show." They gush about how elephants are their favorite animal. Imagine how they'll react when they find out they'll actually get to meet one.
Laurence and Zac get to the temple and Zac reads the clue, which prompts an "Uh-oh" from him. Jeremy and Sandy are right behind them, and Jeremy figures this will be easy. For him, yes, with his copious notes, but Zac looks a bit nervous. Bill & Cathi open their first Roadblock clue, and Cathi's doing it. She gets to the pool and almost immediately falls in. Of course. Forget age; she may have gotten further on the Amazing Race than any other person has ever gotten with no balance whatsoever.
Zac is taking his best crack at arranging his spirit house the way he vaguely remembers it, while Jeremy refers frequently to his notes. Zac gets a couple of nos, and reminds us that his dad didn't want to take notes. "But he's not the one doing this, so I'm gonna have to go back and take notes," he says. Jeremy, meanwhile, gets it right on the first try, so he and Sandy are off to catch a bus to Bangkok, currently in third place. "Sweet!" Jeremy says. Zac gives it one more try, then decides to go back when he's told it's wrong. As he's getting back in the truck, Laurence comes over and asks him what he's doing. "I told you we needed to take notes," Zac says. Laurence dicks, "Don't blame me. You're responsible." Yeah, that'll teach Zac to heed what his dad says, with the wisdom of age. Zac has to find their driver, who has wandered off, while Laurence complains to us about how quickly he'd be able to knock this out, were it him. Classy. Zac is on his way back alone, as Laurence grumps, "What a pain in the ass." Yes, but not the way he's thinking.
After the break and a replay of Zac's departure, Laurence tells us, "This is not his forte, so it's pretty frustrating." Oh, shut up. Maybe if you hadn't closed him down in the first place you wouldn't be in this position. Zac tells his driver to go fast. I'm thinking this must be a short drive back and forth between the store and the temple. That's just basic marketing, after all.
Cathi retrieves her clue from the pool, so it's time for her and Bill to get back on their elephant. Speaking of which, Liz and Marie are just now arriving at the adventure company, and react to the elephants like girls in Beatles newsreels. Even the Speed Bump sign with their picture on it doesn't seem to bring them down. Standing to the part of the river that seems to serve as the adventure company's elephant-wash, Phil reminds us that Liz and Marie came in last at the end of the last leg, and for their Speed Bump, they must now wash and "clean up after" the elephants before they can proceed, "clean up after" being a family-hour euphemism for shoveling elephant crap. They both jump up and down excitedly, each saying they want to do it, like this is a Roadblock instead of something they have to do together. Excuse me, "get to do." Even being handed shovels by a guy with a large bucket and being directed to a large pile of elephant poo (as if piles of elephant poo come in other sizes) doesn't dampen their mood. "I love elephants so much," one of them says. So much so that to them, the elephant shit literally doesn't stink.
Zac finishes taking his notes and hurries his driver back to the temple. Team NFL and Team Control are just now arriving at the Spirit House Shoppe, and Team Control gets right to work dismantling theirs, while Amani carefully takes notes on theirs first, right to them. Ernie blows off Cindy's concerns that maybe they should be doing the same thing and starts loading pieces into their truck. When Cindy runs back to check one out, just in case, Ernie assures her she doesn't have to, and rushes her onto the truck instead. "It doesn't say you had to reassemble it," he says, but Cindy looks very troubled on the quiet ride to the temple. Control freak, indeed. Ernie was right about one thing, though: she doesn't have to remember what it looks like.
Laurence's mood seems to have improved (or maybe he just realized he was acting like a jackhole) as Zac's songthaew pulls back into the temple grounds. "Let's see what he does, eh?" Laurence invites us pleasantly. Yeah, I'll be sitting over there, thanks. As Zac gets busy, Laurence reminds us that he can't help Zac, "but he's tenacious." And indeed, Zac finishes and they get their clue in fourth place. Off to the Phuket bus terminal. On the way, Zac tells us how frustrating it was that he wanted to take notes, "but we ended up rushing through it and lost a bit of time there." Laurence gives Zac a bit of a look without saying anything, but he's probably learned his lesson about ignoring Zac's concerns. To what will later prove to be their detriment, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Ernie and Cindy arrive at the temple and make matching "oh shit" faces as he reads from the clue that the Spirit House must be reassembled exactly how it was. Amani isn't scared of the task, with her notes and all. Ernie just assures Cindy that he thinks he remembers, but as Amani gets to work, telling us she's glad she took notes, Ernie confides to us, "I don't remember what this thing looked like at all." Snerk. Over on the sidelines, Cindy is very worried as she admits to Marcus that they rushed to take theirs apart without bothering to record anything about how it looked. Which Marcus would know if he and Amani had looked over at Team Control instead of focusing all their attention on the notes they were taking for themselves.
Liz and Marie are done shoveling elephant shit, so now they get to jump in the river with scrub brushes to wash down an elephant. Which they treat like a date with Justin Bieber. Bill & Cathi wave to them as they return, so the grandparents are finishing their elephant trek just as the twins begin theirs. As they start their ride up the river, Marie, who's wearing yellow today, says, "This is, like, the best day of my life." I can tell it's Marie by how the other one calls her Marie. I'm getting the hang of this twins thing.
The snowboarders have arrived at the Phuket bus terminal, and their driver is apparently shaking them down for 5,000 baht. They say that converts to about 150 of their 186 dollars for the leg (it's actually $163.72, going by today's exchange rate), and although Tommy has doubts about whether they're actually supposed to pay that much, they hand over the cash and head into the station. At this station, the women behind the ticket window apparently yell out "Hello, where you go?" to you. They learn that there's a bus for Bangkok leaving soon, at 4:30, which is scheduled to arrive at 6:00 AM. Dude, that is a long bus ride. Justin and Jennifer catch up with them at the window and buy the same tickets. Jeremy is unhappy to learn that their driver wants 4,500 baht (or, $147.35), but hands it over. "We have money from our last leg," Sandy reminds him. And it's not even Indonesian, probably. Laurence and Zac show up right behind them. Jeremy and Sandy also get tickets for the 4:30 bus to Bangkok. Zac and Laurence, who go to a different window, wisely ask for not the bus, but the fastest bus, which is an important distinction, and are told that a first-class bus leaves at 4:30. They buy tickets on that one, and as they're led across the terminal to their bus, they spot the snowboarders, the siblings, and Team Pre-Owned getting on a bus ahead of them, which they assume will also be theirs. But instead, they get on a different company's bus, while the snowboarders watch out their window and wonder if Team Adventure got a better route. On board, Zac wonders if it'll be an issue that they're on the first-class bus. "No, not at all," Laurence says uncertainly. "Hope not," Zac says in a "you've been wrong today before" tone of voice that makes Laurence give him another one of those looks. In any case, both buses are soon on the move. "Sweet dreams," Andy says, which is a polite way of saying, "We're going to be wearing the same clothes for two days in a row."
After getting some more nos, Ernie decides he has to go back like Zac did. Which is embarrassing to have to admit to Cindy on his way back to the truck. "You should have written it down! Argh!" Cindy says. On the ride back, Ernie tells us, "It's a bad day for Team Cindy and Ernie. Got a lot of bad ones here. They all seem to be my fault." Ernie's feeling like an F student, and not even the Asian F.
Suddenly the soundtrack goes eerily quiet as Amani asks for a judge to check her work, only to burst back into triumphant life as she gets a yes. So she and Marcus are off to the bus terminal, leaving Cindy behind on the sidelines to tell us, "We should have just written it down earlier." Well, if you were a real control freak, you would have insisted.
Liz and Marie get to the first Roadblock, and Marie wastes little time diving for the clue and finding it. Finally, the flautist can take a breath.
Bill & Cathi get to Spirit Houses of Phuket and start taking notes, so if you thought they'd repeat other teams' mistake and let the twins catch up with them that way, it's not going to happen. The twins are probably also not going to catch up with Ernie, who returns to take his notes and back on the truck to the temple in short order. "I think I got it," he tells us on the ride back. "But if I don't get it, I think Cindy's gonna kill me." Bullshit. If Cindy wanted to kill him he'd be dead already.
On their bus ride, Zac again brings up his concern that they're on a first-class bus. "We can't afford another penalty," he points out. "You may be right," Laurence says, and the thing you know, they're trying to get the driver to stop and let them off so they can "wander back." Eventually the bus lets them off at a street corner in a semi-industrial area. "Well, we're screwed now," Laurence analyzes. "Yep," Zac agrees. But at least they're not on a first-class bus any more, so it's totally worth it, right?
Ernie returns to the temple. "I can't help you!" Cindy calls out to him as he runs past. Back to work, where Ernie tells his miniatures, "You guys were way off." Cindy just hopes he wrote it down this time. Bill & Cathi arrive at the temple in seventh place, and Cathi sits down on the steps to Cindy while Bill gets to work and Ernie blinks sweat out of his eyes. "Tough day," Cathi says sympathetically to Cindy, who still can't believe they didn't take notes. But at least Ernie's done now, so he and Cindy are out of there in sixth. "I screwed up again," Ernie says as they ride to the bus terminal, but Cindy reassuringly pats him on the back and says it's okay. She's literally the worst control freak ever.
Laurence and Zac are jogging through town, and Laurence is panting, "the rules say you're not allowed to be on a first-class bus so we're running to the bus station to buy another ticket to go to Bangkok." I like how the camera guy made him explain that while he was trying to run. Anyone who tries to make me talk while I'm running, I'm going to throw them to whatever's chasing me.
Liz and Marie are of course the last team to reach The Spirit House Authority, and they turn out to be one of the teams who takes notes before taking it apart, which may be their best hope yet to catch up. It's going to take some doing, though, because Bill has already finished at the temple, so he and Cathi are off to the bus station in seventh place. "We wrote it down and we hit it," Bill says. At some uncertain time after their departure, Liz and Marie show up, glad they took notes. "You knew it," Marie nods at Liz, who gets to work putting it back together. From the sidelines, Marie tells us Liz took notes, "But I'm worried ,because sometimes her memory's not that good." Well, hence the notes! Shut up, Marie.
Amani and Marcus are at the bus station, getting tickets on a 5:30 bus to Bangkok. Bill and Cathi show up and get seats on the same bus. "Let's ride, Bussie," Marcus says as they board. Ernie and Cindy also get to the station, but their problems aren't over. Now, I totally misrepresented this scene in the recaplet, because Ernie and Cindy, who are not crazy, end up getting so indignant (and feeling bad about it afterwards) that I assumed they were in the right. Which, as we're about to see, is not actually the case. Anyway, their driver is refusing to take their American money for the fare, and is asking the same 4,500 baht that Jeremy and Sandy's driver demanded. Cindy sticks a hundred American dollars in the driver's hand and they rush inside to the ticket windows, but the driver looks after them like, "This isn't over." Which it's not, because they generously handed him about two-thirds of what they actually owe. Sure enough, the driver catches up to them at the ticket window just as they're trying to get tickets on the 5:30 bus and insists, "4,500 baht." Ernie points out the $100 in the driver's hand and says, "That's much more." I think he's just mistaken and not actually trying to rip the dude off, because it's not like Ernie has never been mistaken before. The driver refuses, and out of nowhere, some woman in a green polo shirt is at Ernie's elbow, insisting they pay in Thai money. "Who are you?" Ernie demands, and keeps trying to give the money back to the driver while the woman -- I assume a supervisor of some sort -- shakes her head insistently. "Come on, you were a terrible driver!" Cindy yells at the cabbie. She says, "You take it, we're going." The supervisor agreeably nods, "I call police for you, okay?" Whoa, shit just got real. Cindy says they don't have time to exchange the cash, so the woman tells them to pay 150 dollars. Which is, you know, pretty much what everyone else had to pay. Just to get out of there, they hand over the cash and end the transaction with loud complaints about how they "did that to us" and Ernie's restatement that "You're a terrible driver." Well, it's not like they overtipped him. After the leg, Cindy admits, "It's not our finest hour. That behavior is not acceptable in our lives, but the race is so stressful." Oh, come on, it was kind of funny. At least Ernie seems to think so. As to whether they realized their mistake after the fact, it's not ever addressed. For now, they're on their bus, which Marcus and Amani see leaving from theirs, which isn't moving yet. "Come on, Bussie!" Marcus yells. Maybe I should have called them Team Catchphrase.
Laurence and Zac are back at the station. "We cannot take a first-class bus," Laurence insists like he was the one who pointed it out. Ernie and Cindy spot them from their window, and Cindy amusingly says, "They look busted." They're just entering the terminal as Team NFL's bus pulls out. Back in the terminal, Team Adventure drips sweat on the ticket counter as they get seats on the second-class bus, which leaves at 8:00 PM, and Zac again says first class is prohibited. "We've got a couple of hours to kip," Laurence says, although we see them sitting awake and alert in the seating area. Remember to wipe those chairs afterward, sweaties.
And Liz has just finished the second half of the double Roadblock, so although they're still in last place, at least they're making forward progress, unlike one other team. Unfortunately, their camera is developing a foggy spot on the lens, which is not going to help me tell them apart.
The sun goes down, and Laurence and Zac board their 8:00 PM bus to Bangkok. "With a crying baby in the background," Laurence adds. "Or they're strangling a cat." You don't get much cat-strangling in first class.
Having missed what was probably their best chance of the leg to catch up with anyone, Liz and Marie finally get to the bus terminal, and Marie hands their driver a wad of cash. It doesn't seem to be enough, but Marie says they'll give him the change they'll have left over after buying their bus ticket. Only one problem: "This one leave now," the ticket agent tells them as she's selling them the seats. They give all the rest of their money to the driver, but he (and one of those taxi-pimps that seem to be the muscle at this station) says they're forty bucks short. But they're tapped out, and the bus is leaving, and if it leaves without them they have no money for another ticket, which means they'll be stranded at the Phuket bus terminal for the rest of their lives, where they will jump-start a rapid decline from cute young blonde twins to creepy-ass Kubrick/Lynch twins. I think their best move at this point would be to panic.
After the ads, Liz and Marie are trying to determine just exactly how very fucked they are, with the bus they have tickets on already gone and them still in the red on their taxi ride. But apparently someone has taken pity on them, because the bus has stopped and is waiting for them somewhere up ahead, and their cab driver is agreeing to drive them to it for free. They're all excited and grateful as they catch up to the bus and climb on. Still in last, though.
That's a dismayingly long Amazing Red Line that tracks the route across and halfway up the Thai peninsula from Phuket to Bangkok. The morning, the city glistens in the sunlight. Or sweats in it, rather. Ernie and Cindy, the only team on their particular bus, are hoping for the best. Sandy reminds us that she and Jeremy are riding with Justin & Jennifer and Andy & Tommy, and adds that they thought they wee supposed to get there at 5:30 and it's now 6:00 AM. Actually the snowboarders were told 6:00, but the bus is still moving. At least it's in the city now. Aboard Bill & Cathi's bus with Amani & Marcus, he tells us that their bus made some stops, dropping passengers at the side of the road (presumably people who belatedly realized that they weren't supposed to be on a first-class bus), "so this isn't a super-express." Then there are lots of shots of Bangkok in the morning, and the first bus to reach the terminal is, unexpectedly, the one carrying Ernie and Cindy. "The express bus was pretty quick," he says. They check a map and get in a cab, where Cindy tells us that they were in Bangkok two and a half years ago. "I don't think being in Bangkok before is going to help us really at all here," Ernie says. "Unless they tell us to find some ladyboys," Cindy says. Ernie laughs at that a bit too nervously.
The 4:30 bus from Phuket arrives, disgorging the snowboarders, the siblings, and Jeremy and Sandy, as Tommy explains, "Our bus made a lot of stops." They all get into separate cabs, wondering about the other teams' buses and when they got to Bangkok. Team NFL and the grandparents are just arriving in theirs and also jumping into cabs, with Amani and Marcus right behind Bill and Cathi. Laurence and Zac are almost at the end of their night on the bus as well. "A delightful bus," Laurence deadpans. The twins are also back there somewhere, as Marie tells us with typical cheerfulness, "We are dead last, and we haven't seen teams in 24 hours." And now they're going to be on foot in Bangkok, with no money at all. Plus, Marie hates fish. From their favorite animal to their least-favorite.
Ernie and Cindy's cab drops them near the canal, where a telltale red-and-yellow arrow points the way to the canal's railing. They break up their food into lumps and toss it out to a patch of water roiling with very large fish. This looks like more of a challenge for the fish than for the racers. After the food is all gone, a guy presents them with a clue. What could be left but the Pit Stop? A Detour, I guess, but it's not a Detour. Instead, over a subtitle reading "M.R. Kukrit Heritage Home," Phil tells about the latest Pit Stop, an old-school Thai house in the shadow of modern skyscrapers. Where, of course, the last team to check in may be eliminated. Ernie and Cindy are on their way there in first place. But first, their cabdriver is getting his cell phone out for directions. "He's gonna phone a friend," Ernie explains. "It's always good to have your lifelines." Wrong show, dude. He and Cindy spazz-fistbump in the cab.
The snowboarders, meanwhile, are stuck in traffic, as is Team Pre-Owned. "We've gone one street block in twenty minutes," Sandy tells us from a state of stress-induced catatonia, while Justin just tries not to freak out: "Traffic sucks. It's awful." Bill & Cathi and Amani & Marcus don't seem to be having this problem, though, as they show up at the canal virtually simultaneously. They feed the fish and get their clues in second and third place respectively. Back to their cabs, where, after a quick cell phone conversation by a cabdriver or two, they're on their way again. "Forward ho," Bill says. Glad he stopped with the "chop-chop." Marcus tells us, "Hate to run this thing against Bill and Cathi, but we gotta do what we gotta do." Well, someone's going to beat Bill and Cathi eventually. Someone always does.
Laurence and Zac roll in on what the subtitles tell us is the "fourth bus to arrive," and they get a cab to Bangkok Noi. The twins arrive , and get some directions from a blurry-faced woman in a uniform to go three blocks thataway. They head off, hoping it's in walking distance, since they have no money for cabs. "No munno, no funno," one of them says. They should copyright that. Then they'll have plenty of munno.
Ernie and Cindy are now stuck in traffic on a bridge, and are frustrated because they have no idea how far ahead they are, or if other teams took a better route. They decide to pay their driver and go the rest of the way on foot, hoping they're doing the right thing. So now it's more or less a three-way race between them, and the cab-riding grandparents with Team NFL right behind them. "They may look like Ma and Pa but they can run," Marcus tells us from his cab. "Don't let them fool you," Amani agrees. It's almost like they're preparing us to see them get beat by a couple in their sixties. Cindy, elsewhere in the city, is regretting getting out of their cab. The taxis of the other two teams split up as they approach the house. Both teams run in, cueing the suspenseful pre-arrival shots of the surroundings, then Phil pointing out an approaching team to a pretty young female greeter. And that team would be...Amani and Marcus. The greeter welcomes them to Bangkok, and Marcus calmly thanks her, and then Phil tells them they're team number one and they totally lose their shit, hugging and jumping up and down and screaming so loud that the greeter looks around nervously like they're all about to get kicked out. Bill and Cathi have showed up, and Phil invites them onto the mat, where the join the celebration as they're told that they're team number two. That's Bill and Cathi's best ranking yet, and probably the best they'll ever have. Team NFL wins a trip to Bali, and Marcus has won the opportunity to interview about how he and Amani are like an NFL team: "We sputter a little bit early, we start to get our momentum, I think we're a team to watch out for when it comes to playoff time." And if he loses the race, he just did a decent audition as a color commentator. A bit later, Ernie and Cindy finally make it in as team number three, and are way excited that they finished that high. And they still have their Express Pass, remember? I'm just not sure they still remember.
The twins walk up to an information booth and ask the guy for directions to walk to Bangkok Noi. "It's too far," he flatly tells them. They ask how long it would take, and he laughs, "Maybe... five hours." Yeah, that's probably not going to work. Their cheeriness takes a pretty hard hit right about then, but they aren't about to start begging people for money in what looks like a poor area. "I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," one of them says as they walk on. I hate that expression. It makes me want to die, and I never seem to be any stronger after I don't.
The snowboarders arrive at Bangkok Noi canal, soon to be joined by Jeremy and Sandy. After the fish-feeding and the clue-getting, the snowboarders are in fourth and Jeremy and Sandy are in fifth. The snowboarders run across a bridge while Jeremy and Sandy hop into a tuk-tuk. The siblings arrive at the canal , feed the fish, and head back to their waiting taxi in sixth. Good call, asking the taxi to wait.
The twins are walking across town when Marie half-idly suggests just begging a ride from a taxi. They go up to a waiting driver, who literally laughs in their faces at first, but they convince him they're serious and for some reason he agrees to take them to the canal for nothing. "It's the worst feeling in the world not to have money," Marie says from the back of their taxi, which I assume is an exaggeration coming from someone with a recently deceased father. "Never underestimate the generosity of people," Liz says. They don't seem to be in much danger of that.
Andy &Tommy are at the doorway of some glass-fronted school building, asking a woman in a business suit for directions to the M. R. Kukrit Heritage Home. "Just a moment, please," she tells them, and walks off, promising to be back in a few minutes. Laurence and Zac feed the fish and get the clue to the Pit Stop in seventh place. Off they go. And Andy and Tommy find themselves standing outside the school, with no idea what their ranking is and no idea when the woman will be back. Some other woman comes out and tells them she's upstairs teaching, and invites them to sit down and wait. As calmly as they can, they say they're kind of in a hurry, racing and all. "Okay," the new woman says. "Not okay," they disagree, as they realize that the AWOL woman has their clue with them. And they're not allowed to go up to her classroom, so all they can do is wait for her to call down. "Oh, my goodness, what are we doing right now?" Tommy wonders, while Andy just laughs in disbelief.
The end of the break finds them still waiting, as Andy tells Tommy to keep the faith. Aside from their different appearances, here's where we see the first difference between them: Andy is a bouncing ball of nervous energy, bopping up and down on his feet while Tommy refuses to even pace. Andy interviews that whatever happens is God's will. "God's always there with us and he's gonna help us," Tommy agrees. Eventually God gets out of the tub, because here comes the woman who has their clue, as well as another teacher who has a map printout telling them where to go. Off they go to find a new taxi. Once they're safely inside one, they agree that it's a goose chase, although they have different opinions as to whether the goose is crazy or wild. Cracks in the foundation of the team!
Back at the Pit Stop, Justin and Jennifer are team number four. "We were hoping for first place, but we'll take fourth," Justin shrugs. Which they only got because they were the only group on the second bus who didn't cut their cab loose at the canal. Told you that was a good call. Checking in with another team that was on the same bus, Jeremy and Sandy have stopped for directions, and the person they talk to advises them to go the rest of the way on foot. So they start doing that, despite Sandy's doubts.
Liz and Marie are dropped off at Bangkok Noi and are the last team to feed the fish, before getting their clue telling them that they may be eliminated (spoiler). Then they head into a marketplace and find yet another cabbie who will drive them someplace for free. Between this week and last, these two are going to be the death of Thailand's taxi industry.
Jeremy and Sandy? Lost. They get new directions from a guy who tells them it's a thirty-minute walk, so they get in another cab. "I don't know how people are gonna do this without money," Jeremy says. "We're taking cabs all over the place." Oh, they'll figure it out. Sandy aggrees that they lost a lot of time and could be dead last. "We have no idea."
At the Pit Stop, Andy and Tommy scamper around some trees and jump onto the mat. They're as surprised as I am to see Laurence and Zac arrive right behind them. "Hey, these two again! Where'd you guys come from?" Phil tells Andy and Tommy that they're team number five, and Laurence and Zac that they're team number six. Phil then asks Team Adventure what they were thinking getting off the bus. Laurence explains that they realized they were on a first-class bus, so they got off, ran three miles back, and got a second-class ticket. Phil instructs them, "With regards to the first-class travel, that rule only refers to air travel." Now he tells them. "So you were right to get on the bus, and you guys seriously could have gotten eliminated out of the race just because of that choice. You lost a lot of time." I think Phil's disappointment would sting more than coming in sixth instead of possibly second or even first. Laurence agrees, "One slip-up can cost you the race." Lucky for them other teams are flailing worse than they are. For now.
Only two teams still out there. In their cab, Sandy says, "If this is the end for us, I'm very proud of Jeremy. He's done more than I expected." Uh, thanks? Jeremy says that if it's the end, he's proud of her too. I guess if it's not, they're disgusted with each other. The twins are fighting back tears in the back of their free cab as they agree that it's been a hard day. Sandy says they wanted to make it further. Marie says it worked out for them. "Slowly but surely, it worked out." And the team to arrive at the Pit Stop is... Jeremy and Sandy. They look pretty wrung out as Phil grimly tells them, "I guess you have a pretty good idea what I'm gonna say." They get choked up about the rough day they've had, until Phil finally says, "I am pleased to tell you that you are team number seven, and you are still in this race." Sandy breaks down in tears so hard that Phil offers to Philiminate them if they prefer, but they would rather stay in it. Hell, they might as well.
Finally, here are Liz and Marie, the last team to arrive, and they're Philiminated, to the surprise of no one, least of all themselves. Phil adds, "You made five legs of the Amazing Race. You wanted more?" He asks if it was about the money, which they say it wasn't. "We just had a really bad year," Marie cries, mentioning their dad's death in December. But what about the elephants? Wasn't yesterday the best day of your lives? Liz says they wanted to do this for their dad and show him they'd never give up. "But don't you think he'd be proud of you guys?" Phil asks. "Oh, yeah," they quickly agree. So we know their father wasn't a taxi driver. In their post-leg interview, Marie says they think about their dad every day. "And now no one can take this away from you because we've done a lot." And they got a really good deal on their cab fares, too.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.