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While the Cowboys continue to struggle, the Non-Pit Stop takes its toll on other teams. The trickiness of the first clue allows Jen/Kisha and Zev/Justin to grab an early lead while other teams flounder helplessly. Just about everyone has to work with another team to find it, which means the Cowboys continue to be left in the dust. Even so, they manage to get onto one of the two charter flights to Broken Hill in the Outback. In the Living Desert, a Detour is a choice between creating a ground mosaic out of rocks and chalk and then dancing on it, or spitting paint onto a stencil. Everyone opts for the first, but of course Amanda and Kris have to do both as a result of their U-Turn. They're not far behind 10th-place team Ron and Christina even after that.
The thing is for everyone to dress up as kangaroos and then search a mining town for an intersection indicated by streets named after two elements on the periodic table. Zev and Justin win the first leg and get to keep it. Ron continues to be high-handed and frustrating, and nearly loses the race for himself and Christina. But not quite; Amanda and Kris are unable to eliminate their lag, and the U-Turn is their undoing for the second time in a row. Man, did I call that wrong.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Kind of an abrupt beginning this week; no reminder from Phil of what this is, so I guess it's up to me to tell you that we're still in Manly, Australia, north of Sydney, and the leg that began in last week's season premiere is still going on. We rejoin Jet's epic struggle with the flag-decoding task still in progress, if "progress" is the right word considering he isn't making any.
Meanwhile, over at Shelly Beach, which served as last week's non-Pit Stop Pit Stop, Kent and Vyxsin (currently in 10th place) are reading the clue sending them back to Sydney and something called "To Sail To Stop." And I thought they spoke English in Australia. Phil reminds us that now everyone is "racing to figure out that the seemingly nonsensical phrase refers to a sculpture of a giant anchor to City Town Hall." I guess that would stop a sail in a hurry, ergo "To Sail To Stop" is the title of the artwork. to the anchor is a sign-up sheet for two charter flights: one leaving at 6:00 AM with room for six teams, and another leaving at 6:30 AM with room for five teams. Although the departure times aren't really played up at this point, for reasons that will become apparent later. Phil says the flights will take them to Broken Hill, "a small mining town 684 miles from Sydney." Or, in other words, a wide spot in the road on the far side of New South Wales.
First-place team Gary and Mallory jump into a cab and ask their driver where they can sign up for charter flights. The only reason he doesn't literally laugh in their faces is because they're sitting behind him and he can't turn around far enough. "Sydney's a very big area," he points out, and he also doesn't know what "To Sail To Stop" means. Hard to blame him.
Amanda and Kris, who got to the mat second, remind us that they were U-Turned their first time on the Amazing Race, and this time they essentially U-Turned themselves by being dumb at the starting line. In their own cab, Kris explains the significance of their singularly unhelpful clue: "This could open up the game to anybody because right now we're just driving around aimlessly." Which is pretty much how they started the race, and look how that turned out.
Jen and Kisha are more succinct: "Why did we do this again?" Kisha laughs as they ride in their cab back to Sydney.
We also check in with Zev and Justin in fourth place. Justin says that teams probably underestimate them, because of how Zev has Asperger's. I think they're more likely to be underestimated because the other teams are aware that they may or may not have their passports on them at any given moment.
Briefly back to the marina, where Jet is still stumped.
Flight Time and Big Easy (currently in fifth) talk about the things they have in common and their differences. It's not particularly deep, and I think it's mainly to have an excuse to show Flight Time saying, "He's ugly, I look good." They run to the wharf to take a ferry back to Sydney, the same way they came.
Jaime and Cara, otherwise known as Team Go Team (in sixth), are also taking a ferry back. They talk about how excited they are to be racing again with Margie and Luke (who are in seventh). They end up taking the ferry together, and as Cara talks about how both these teams know they can trust each other with information, we get a flashback of Luke getting help from Jaime at the end of TAR14. Margie agrees that she hopes they can continue to work together. "And both of them are my 'race girlfriends,'" Luke signs.
Ron is lecturing Christina about how they also have to take a ferry back, since he's pretty confident that's the only way to get on and off this island that they're on. First of all, Ron, it's an isthmus, and second of all, shut up. Christina interviews that it's hard for parent-child teams on the race, which I think is the first time I've ever heard a member of a parent-child team say that on this show. As if to illustrate their particular issues, there's a flashback of her calling him on his behavior at some point in their race. Ron interviews that he may again find himself acting like a dick as a result of sleep deprivation. So, not because he's actually a dick?
Jet returns to the commodore for what I think is now the fourth time and finally recites, "I am between the devil and the deep blue sea," like he's supposed to. They spot the sailboats a distance up the beach and "haul butt" in that direction. Finally the commodore gets to go home. I bet it was a long week for him standing on that dock.
Gary and Mallory's cab driver is haranguing them for an address or any clue whatsoever about their destination, but of course they have neither. They get out of the cab, but their move isn't clear. All we can see for sure is that they're getting frustrated. Meanwhile, Kris cajoles Amanda out of their cab. "So I'll just humor you," she says as she gets out, like sitting in a parked taxi is going to get them anywhere. Kisha and Jen get dropped off at the Maritime Museum, which is not the right place, but a museum guide outside directs them inside to the information center on the second floor. They head right in, find the information kiosk, and politely commandeer the woman's computer. Zev and Justin also get dropped off there, and they soon catch up with Kisha and Jen inside. Some Googling later ("That sounds very dirty," Zev observes after the fact), they figure out that they need to get to a big anchor at Town Hall, which luckily is within walking distance. The four of them will head over together and, I presume, try not to drop their passports down a port-a-potty.
Speaking of walking distance, Mel and Mike White are having trouble dealing with the fact that this Pit Stop wasn't a real Pit Stop. "I'll never make it, Mike," Mel says before they've even left Shelly Beach. He's still seventy, after all. He says he'll try, as though Mike is pushing him, when in fact the opposite is the case. On the walk back to the ferry, Mel's legs keep cramping up on him. You can tell because he says "Jeez!" and goes as stiff as a wooden cheese rack. Kent and Vyxsin are also taking the ferry, in case you care. Once everyone's on board who's going aboard, Mel is just about tipping over in his seat, with Mike sobbing while Luke and Margie stand over them with concern. They've been there. Mike says "I don't want to kill you for some joyride." Hello! It's a million-dollar joyride! Oh well, it's not like they have a chance at winning anyway. Mel tells Mike that says he'll be responsible for his decision. I'm sure that'll make Mike feel better if his dad throws a piston.
Out in Manly Bay, Jet and Cord have shed their cowboy hats for the sailing excursion, which is good, because while they swing out over the water, they keep falling into it. Although the trapezes drag them across the surface, preventing them from getting left behind. Or maybe it's just that if a 1600-pound bull can't shake them loose, a 16-foot sailing skiff isn't about to.
On the ferry, Margie and Luke find a woman with a laptop computer (and, apparently, a Wi-Fi connection), and To Sail To Stop shows up on Google. Word spreads to Team Go Team, who agrees to go to Town Hall with them. It must be interesting to look up all these Amazing Race landmarks on Google before the whole first page of results has been taken over by Amazing Race spoiler and discussion sites.
Team Asperger's and the sisters are already at Town Hall. Kisha and Jen sign up for the first slot on the first charter flight, and all four of them are pretty thrilled to see that they're the first teams to arrive. Multiple high-fives all around.
The return ferry docks in Sydney, to an obligatory aerial shot of the Opera House, and Margie gives Mike a kiss and hug, telling him, "Take good care of your dad." The gates open, and everyone's off. Everyone who doesn't already know what "To Sail To Stop" is fans out looking for help. The Whites, the Goths, and the Globetrotters all have pretty good luck. "When we come in to play, look us up," Big Easy says on their way out of the travel agency or wherever it was they looked it up. I keep thinking travel agencies are going extinct, and then they keep showing up on The Amazing Race. That must be the only thing keeping them all in business.
Jet and Cord's sailboat approaches the clue buoy. "Just run me right into it if you don't mind," Jet requests politely. The crew more than obliges, sending Jet swinging back into his brother riding abaft of him and knocking them both off the gunwale again. The collision sends a clue-baggie flying, and they're once more getting dragged through the drink, and as far as they know this is all just going through the motions en route to certain Philimination anyway, but Jet's got a clue firmly clutched in his mitt. And Cord has even better news: "We're still alive."
The Team Go Team/Team ASL axis reaches Town Hall and signs up for the third and fourth spots in the first flight. Jumping up and down and hugging all around.
Gary and Mallory are lost, and Gary tells her to stop and listen to him. "I am listening. I've been listening to you all day," she says. It's not at all clear what they're actually in disagreement about, though. Speaking of which, they run into Ron and Christina, who are also getting nowhere. Ron might at least be interested to know that the other father-daughter team returned to Sydney by taxi. Or, more accurately, I might be interested to see his reaction to that news.
Kris and Amanda are standing around outside the Maritime Museum, so at leas they're on the right track, maybe, even if they're completely devoid of momentum. They spot Mallory up in a bridge and all talk about how lost they are until the six of them kind of randomly accrete together, mainly out of a lack of any other ideas. It's Christina who finds a local who knows to send them to Town Hall.
Mike and Mel are the to make it to Town Hall, and get the fifth slot on the first flight. I think they're just happy to be alive. Kent and Vyxsin get the last slot. Is "happy to be alive" a putdown to Goths?
Jet and Cord finally reach the mat where Phil's been waiting since last week. He tells them they're the last to arrive. "We know, "Cord says. But Phil tells them to redeem themselves, holding out a clue and telling them the race is still going. "Suh-WEET!" Cord says as the Heroic Cowboy Theme cues up. "Read that thing! Don't waste your time standing here talking to me," Phil tells them. They read it and head off down the beach. Saved by dumb luck again.
The Globetrotters reach the big anchor and sign up for the first spot in the last flight. The two father/daughter teams and Amanda/Kris arrive , none of them thrilled to be a half hour behind the teams on the first flight. Everyone sees that the Cowboys are still unaccounted for. "I suggest we get to the airport," Ron suggests.
The Cowboys are running from the beach, wondering like ten teams before them what "To Sail To Stop" is. They start flagging down locals to ask for directions, but none of them seem to know anything. Worse, there's this slow dissolve between every shot of them doing so, like the kind you see near the end of an episode when a team is utterly doomed. They even walk right in front of the Opera House, in a forlorn shot that suggests they hoofed it all the way back from Manly, asking every person they encountered along the way.
The sun goes down, and the other teams are arriving at the Sydney Domestic Airport. The Cowboys continue to be conspicuous in their absence. We see them still schlepping around the city on foot at night, having come up empty the entire time. But I'm sure they'll catch a break, because they always do -- especially when there's a commercial.
Finally they hail a cab, and when they ask about "To Sail To Stop, the driver says, "That's City Town Hall, mate" in a voice that almost seems like he knows they've been searching for hours. On their way there in the cab, they wonder what time the charter flight leaves. The Amazing Editors haven't gone out of their way to remind us of that lately, because we're supposed to worry that the Cowboys might miss the plane entirely, but they get there in time to sign up for the last slot on the a 6:30 AM flight. Made it with only one night to spare. "Long day today," Cord understates, "but in this one instance, we're very glad there's other teams on this flight." Jet is glad to still be in the race. Off to the airport!
The morning, Mel's feeling much better. "Seeing you makes it twice as better," he tells Kisha. Aw. The six lead teams board the first flight at 6:05, and it takes off. Everyone else -- including the Cowboys, who probably should have been eliminated twice already by now -- leaves at 6:30. Amanda and Kris are pretty uptight, knowing there's a bunch of teams ahead of them and a U-Turn in their near future. Hey, other teams have survived a U-Turn. It was a Double U-Turn, yes, but still.
The first batch of teams lands in Broken Hill and runs for the fleet of white SUVs with clues stuck under the windshield wipers like Amazing Chick Tracts. They're going to the Living Desert, which Phil calls "a vast, barren landscape in Australia's Outback." As everyone piles into their vehicles, Jaime offers to caravan with Team ASL and stop for better directions along the way. Off they go, and Mel assures Mike that he's feeling much better. Still, it's probably just as well that Mike's doing the driving.
Driving along, Zev makes an observation about the Outback: "There's not a lot of steakhouses." The Whites are behind the sisters, and Mel isn't happy with how slowly Kisha's driving. "A kangaroo could run faster than you're driving, Kisha," he jokes. But only if the kangaroo's leg doesn't cramp up.
Team ASL, Team Go Team, and the Goths have gotten directions at a petrol station, not that they really needed to. "I'm driving, I'm driving," Luke chants happily, like he just got his license, before the caravan gets back underway. "Just about right now the other flight should be arriving," Kent remarks.
Sure enough, the second flight touches down. It's the same drill all over again with the running, the cars, and the clues, but with the added bonus of Mallory inflicting her demented grin on nothing in particular. She knows exactly where the Living Desert is, she says. Everyone drives off, Amanda and Kris still stressing about their U-Turn. Ron and Christina are the last to get going, and Ron nearly drives in front of a utility truck because he forgot they drive on the left side of the road here. If he's going to continue to insist on always being right, he's going to have to start being wrong less.
Zev and Justin, holding onto their lead, are the first to spot the clue box just standing by the side of the road that passes through the desert. There are several other re-racers' SUVs already pulling in behind them as Zev retrieves and opens the clue. Cut to a large group of aboriginals (and Amazing Race production assistants) doing some kind of dance in the desert to live didgeridoo music. Phil says this Detour is about "aboriginal customs that have managed to survive through the ages." In the option called "Spirit World," they'll use "traditional materials" (actually different colored rocks, dirt, and hunks of blackboard chalk) to make a ground mosaic like the one that's already been created as an example. It's a stylized representation of a desert with a snake and animal tracks under a starry, moonlit sky, about the size of a large area rug. It's not going to be as hard to reproduce as it sounds, because the lines and areas have been marked out for everyone like a paint-by numbers, only there aren't numbers and the paint is actually rocks and chalk. Once it's done, they'll do a little dance on top of the mosaic to raise the ancestral spirits. Then the ancestral spirits will give them there clue, I guess. For the Detour option called "Natural World," they'll make "territory markers" using paint, stencil shapes, and their mouths. That is to say, they'll spit the paint at a small stone surface set into the ground, using shapes like lizards and their own hands as stencils. Who knew spray-painted highway markings were invented there?
Zev and Justin are going for the Spirit World option. "He's very artistic," Justin says. "And autistic," Zev adds in an interview, cracking Justin up. Zev's only concern is that he's not a good dancer. "That's okay, Everybody wants to see you dance," Justin assures him. Besides, it's not like dance challenges on this show ever hold anyone to any kind of standard. Team Asperger's, the sisters, and the Whites all get right to work on this, Mike wisely assigning Mel to stay in place and lay the rocks out while Mike does the fetching and carrying. Soon Team Go Team arrives in fourth place, and also opts for the mosaic. So do Team ASL and the Goths. I'm starting to see a pattern.
"The Living Deseeeert!" Mallory sings as she and Gary drive past the sign. As always, she is the star of her own personal opera. Amanda and Kris follow them right to the clue box. Amanda asks Gary and Mallory which one they're going to do, like it matters, but they both head over to Spirit World first and see the other teams, many of whom already have their shirts off. Gary quickly removes his, but the better news is that so does Kris. The Cowboys make the same choice of Detour when they arrive; "Everybody else is doing it, we might as well too," Jet interviews. Plus they can use their hats to carry the rocks. Not that they're going to. Everyone is surprised to see the second flight of teams already arriving. The Globetrotters arrive in tenth place, and as always, they're not afraid to dance. Ron and Christina arrive last and opt for Spirit World, making it unanimous. Christina reminds Ron that even though they're in last place, Kris and Amanda have that pesky U-Turn.
So now every team is there, running back and forth with rocks and chalk and dirt in their shirts. Mel's leg cramps up again, in that now-familiar way it has where it simultaneously triggers the muscles in Mel's body that make him say, "Jeez!" Big Easy gets so into the didgeridoo music that he almost forgets what he's didgeridoing.
Jen and Kisha are the first to finish their mosaic, but their guide tells them, "No." The same guide also tells Kent and Vyxsin, "Yes." Kisha is pointing out to Jen that theirs doesn't look the same. Kent scampers off to get "children," but if any of these people hanging around banging on drums with mud on their face is under eighteen, then so is Kent. Mel is back to work, saying, "This is so much nicer, on my knees breathing, instead of on my face, falling." Kent is trying to get Vyxsin to help him round up "children," repeating it like six times and taking them by their hands to lead them over. Everyone seems to think Kent is out of his mind, and I can't say I disagree. Zev and Justin get an okay for their mosaic, as do Luke and Margie. Kent and Vyxsin are leading their group around the perimeter of their mosaic, while Jen, to them, is "super dumbfounded." Zev and Justin run to get dancers, but then decide maybe they don't need them. Which, Kent's insistence to the contrary notwithstanding, they don't. Both they and Team ASL dance awkwardly on top of their respective mosaics. Jen and Kisha realize they have some medium rocks where they're supposed to have bigger ones, and run off to get the right size. Kent and Vyxsin get a no for their dance, but Zev and Justin get a yes, demonstrating that it's not who you dance with but where you dance. Which makes this the opposite of high school. Anyway, Team Asperger's is still in first place. The clue is sending them back to Broken Hill, specifically the "Home of the Magpies," which would be a local stadium called the Central Football Club. The clue is in the middle if the field, as per usual. They're happily on their way, with Luke and Margie close behind.
Kris hurries Amanda along, Mel and Mike start to dance on their mosaic, and Kisha and Jen get their rocks correctly into place. Kent dismisses the "children," since they don't seem to be helping, and he and Vyxsin dance around their mosaic some more. Still wrong. What's more, Mel and Mike are already getting their clue. The Goths get another no, and Kent wonders if they're supposed to "do it on top of the sculpture." Well, what does the clue tell you to do, genius? Kisha and Jen get their clue. "We need to stay on track because all those teams are fighting like dogs," Mike says as he drives his dad back to town. Yes, and it's a bitch to recap. The Goths finally dance on their sculpture and get their clue in fourth place, three slots behind where they would have been if Kent hadn't been stupid. Jen and Kisha are right behind them in fifth place. Kris is quietly freaking out at seeing another team leave, but Amanda tells him to calm down. Kent and Vyxsin discuss that unfortunate team's plight as they drive off.
Ron is getting snippy with Christina, telling her to tell him what she needs so she can be the master artist or whatever. Jaime and Cara do their dance to the satisfaction of the guide. Meanwhile, Ron is yammering away to Christina, but she says in subtitled Mandarin, "Use Chinese, please, everyone's going to understand." He replies, "Okay, okay. Let me pick up my hat." Hate for anyone to overhear that secret message.
Zev and Justin are back in town, and the first guy they flag down on the street sends them right to the Central Football Club, two blocks to the right. "Looks like we might be doing a sporting thing," Zev says optimistically. I have to think his theory is wrong, because it makes sense.
Back at the Detour, several teams are dancing around their mosaics, because apparently nobody's bothering to look at what anyone else is doing. Suddenly Jet yells at Cord to get on it and dance. "I'm a dancing son of a buck, man, "Cord says mildly. The Globetrotters do the same. Soon Jet and Cord are sprinting back to their car, officially in 7th place. Gary and Mallory are off in 8th, pausing only to answer Amanda's question that yes, they danced on top of their mosaic. The Globetrotters get their clue in 9th, leaving just two teams still at the Detour. Ron and Christina's mosaic isn't up to snuff, but Amanda and Kris's is, so the latter team is off to the other Detour option. "We're in last, "Christina says while the other team runs off. "Damn, you got this all screwed up," Ron points out as he looks at the mosaic, but then correct that to, "I messed this up, I think." Either way, they're the last team at the mosaic.
Amanda and Kris get to the other Detour option, and watch as a guy does a demo, spitting paint onto his hand so it'll leave a hand-shaped clean spot on the slate rock set into the ground. They watch and then dash off to give it a try themselves. This looks way easier than the other thing. And, given how many of the other teams ruined their shirts carrying art supplies back and forth in them, rather less messy. If you can get past the idea of spitting paint on your hand, that is.
Ron complains about how hard this is on his knees, but they're almost done. They're still speaking in Mandarin, even though everyone else is gone by now. At the other Detour, Amanda's spewing paint, but she's kind of dribbling it out of her mouth instead of doing the proper Vaudeville spit-take to get the proper spread of paint. I don't know what the problem is; spit-takes are fun, as long as you're not the one who's going to have to clean up after it.
Back at the other Detour, Ron and Christina get the okay for their mosaic. Kris is still trying to get Amanda to spit the right way, but she's just drooling in color, so he takes over. Ron protests the idea of dancing on top of their mosaic and ruining all their hard work. Whatever, dude. Amanda's getting the hang of the spitting, but Ron and Christina have finished Sprit World, so it's off to the Home of the Magpies for them. But first, they have to deal with the issue of all of Ron's loose crap that he's got scattered all over the ground for some reason, and doesn't seem to have noticed until now, when it's time to go. Frustrated, Christina starts scooping it all up for him. "Goodness, daddy, we have a fricking market here!" Hee. Amanda and Kris get the okay on their other Detour, and they're off in last place. But just barely, because Christina is trying to run with a double armful of Ron's random belongings while he frets about where his hat is. They look like a couple of confused refugees. Kris and Amanda are on their way, feeling pretty good about how quickly they got both the Detours done. Good for them, but it would have been better if they hadn't had to do both Detours in the first place.
Zev and Justin are the first to reach the Central Football Club, the Home of the Magpies. They run out to the clue box in the middle of the field. "Time for a rude awakening," Justin reads, indicating some kind of pun we don't get yet. Not that we're missing much.
Cut to a pair of hands holding a copy of the Periodic Table of elements, with a couple of the boxes highlighted in red and yellow, respectively. Phil says this will "challenge their memory of high school chemistry." Or, more likely, leave them stranded here in the Outback until it's beachfront. Phil adds, as a couple of PAs in kangaroo costumes hop past him, "But they're going to have to do it dressed as kangaroos." Well, sure, that's not any more humiliating than anything else that happens in high school. As the kangaroo re-racers hop through Broken Hill, they'll notice that there are a lot of streets named after elements, like Boron St., Radium St., and Zinc St. On the periodic table, Hg #80 and Bi #83 are marked in yellow and red. That would be mercury and bismuth (I admit that I only knew the first one), which are the only two streets named after elements that cross each other. So it makes sense that they'll have to find their way to that intersection. The clue box is waiting inside the doorway of what looks like an abandoned hotel. But first, Zev and Justin have to proceed to the locker room under the grandstands to get changed. They soon find the costumes under their names on the wall and start climbing into them.
Margie and Luke are the to find the stadium, not that they're especially smooth about it. Zev and Justin get into their costumes, which are brown leotards with thick sections of brown fur strapped over them to suggest the shape of a kangaroo, Broadway Lion King-style. For reasons that escape me, the kangaroo headpieces have goggles over their eyes. To aid in the hopping, they also get to wear those shoes with ovoid springs attached to the bottom. Anti-Gravity Boots, I think they're called, but I haven't actually seen them since a '90s TV commercial. "I think we found my Halloween costume," Zev says. Sure, the pouch will come in handy for the goodies.
Kent and Vyxsin find the stadium which is when we get our first look at how the clue actually reads "Time for a 'Roo'd' awakening." Oh, all right, show. The Goths proceed to the locker room.
Luke and Margie have already emerged from the locker room in their costumes, and she's having trouble with the springy shoes, complaining that they keep bouncing her forward. Margie, that's a
good
thing. Except then she faceplants, spilling her clues and shoes on the ground in front of her. "This is so ridiculous," she complains, like that's not the point of this whole exercise.Mike and Mel find the stadium in fourth. Oh, man, I can't believe those boots aren't going to mess up Mel's legs even worse. Jeez! Team ASL runs into Team Asperger's, who have just locked some stuff in their car. "Margie, you look great!" Zev says. Margie suggests working together, but she has a little trouble keeping up with the boys in the spring-shoes.
Jaime and Cara pull up, not failing to notice their fellow racers dressed as kangaroos wandering the streets as they pass. They soon find the stadium and the locker room below. Jet and Cord seem to stumble on the Home of the Magpies more or less by accident, seeing magpies painted on the side of the building. I guess they're birdboys too. Running to the locker room, Jet asks what Hg and Bi are. "I don't know, Jet," Cord says, "You watch way more of the Discovery Channel than I do."
: Flight Time and Big Easy ."When you see this clue, you're gonna lose your mind," Flight Time says. Does it require them to unscramble the word "Franz?"
The two lead teams have encountered a local with a smart phone, and they have her look up Hg for them. They have mercury. Jen and Kisha drive by and spot them as they're getting bismuth. "Does that mean anything to you?" Justin asks. "They're streets," the local says, and directs them to the intersection in question. Man, smart phones are going to ruin this show.
Kisha and Jen find the stadium and head down into the locker room where the Whites, the Globetrotters, and the Cowboys are all changing into their kangaroo costumes. "This is the men's locker room," Mike points out, and the sisters run off in search of the women's. "Always trying to get in the men's locker room," quips Mike. Before I can start unpacking everything that's going on there, Jen comes to my rescue with a well-timed, "Shut up." Shutting up! Didn't want to get into it anyway.
The two lead teams bounce-jog down the street. Margie's still having trouble, but Justin's glad he doesn't have to carry Zev in his pouch. Some bystanders watch in great interest. What, they don't see people hopping down the street in kangaroo costumes every day? I've been given a very inaccurate image of Australia.
Gary and Mallory are approaching the stadium, where the ladies are changing. "This is not the kind of animal I usually dress up as," Jaime says, instantly making herself this week's most popular reality show contestant on every Furry forum the internet has. Lest we get the wrong idea, she hastily adds, "This is a far cry from a little green bunny suit." Then she gives a flirty little wink, instantly making herself this week's most popular person on every Furry forum the internet has.
Up on the field, Mallory and Gary find the clue in ninth place. The cheerleaders encounter the Goths out in the street and suggest working together. That was a good call, because Kent already knows that they're looking for Mercury and Bismuth. "Whoa, look at you, who knows that?" one of the cheerleaders asks. "I got an A in chemistry," Kent explains. "I'm glad it finally came in handy." "Brains and beauty," Cara or Jaime says. What, I'm supposed to tell their voices apart, too? Don't push it. A group of kangaroos is closing in on them from behind, with Mel of all people in the lead. I guess those boots aren't messing him up like I expected. Quite the contrary, in fact. "Slow down, Kangaroo Jack," Mike calls after his dad, and interviews that they need these shoes for the rest of the race. A whole mob of kangaroos bounces down the street, Kisha saying, "I never looked so foolish in my whole entire life." Coming from someone who's run the Amazing Race once before, that's saying something. With that, an Amazing Cameraman waggishly pans over to a parked Animal Control truck.
Ron and Christina find the clue box in tenth place, and are changed into their suits by the time Amanda and Kris get to the clue box. Catch up, you two!
The two lead teams are almost to Mercury Street. Margie almost eats it again, but maintains her balance at the cost of losing the piece of her costume that covers her left foot and shin. She obliviously leaves it lying in the gutter while Luke rushes her along. Behind them, Zev and Justin see it, but don't bother to pick it up. Margie realizes she lost a piece and has to go back, to Luke's considerable frustration. That setback means Team Asperger's is the first to reach the clue box in the old motel. "Drive yourselves to the Pit Stop," the clue reads. Phil says they'll have to keep their kangaroo suits on as they drive to Junction Mine outside town. "This former silver mine is the Pit Stop of this leg of the race. The last team to check in here will be eliminated." You hear that? Phil is done fucking around. Justin reads from the clue, "You may want to put on other shoes before driving away." Yes, I would think so. Trying to drive with anti-gravity boots on would be like driving a Toyota. Back at the car, they struggle out of the bouncy shoes with the help of a *pop!* sound effect added by the Amazing Foley Guys. Getting into the car, Zev howls, "Ow! I just slammed my tail in the door!" Don't worry, he's okay. Justin keeps doing what works, that is, pulling over to ask locals for directions, and they're soon on their way to Junction Mine. "Let's go win something, Zev," Justin says. "Get to keep it this time." Don't jinx it!
Margie is searching for her costume piece. The second troop of kangaroos happens upon it, but Mel's the one who picks it up. He gives it to Margie, and gets a big sloppy hug and kiss from Luke in return. Now everyone's off in search of Mercury Street together.
Zev and Justin park in the mine's lot and walk up to Phil in their regular shoes. The greeter, a rugged-looking miner in a helmet and headlamp, welcomes them to Broken Hill, Australia. Are all the greeters this season going to be people just pulled from within a few yards of wherever they plunk the mat down? Phil says, "Zev and Justin, I'll give you the bad news: you look ridiculous." Looking at the stuffed joey sticking out of the pouch on Justin's costume, the miner observes, "You're the female!" Justin's fine with that, as long as they're in first place, which they are. And they've won a trip to Cancun. Which they get to keep! "Have you got your passports still?" Phil asks. Justin says they do. Zev interviews that this feels much better than the last leg they "won," and tells Phil that he's going to go take a nap. I would think there's going to be a lot of that going around.
Back at the herd of kangas hopping through town, the Globetrotters are the first to spot and score the clue, with Jen and Kisha are right behind them, and a bunch of other teams right behind them. Both the Globetrotters and the sisters get into their cars and drive off. While driving, Kisha asks Jen to start gathering their stuff for the final run to the mat. "I don't really know how exactly how to do that. I have a kangaroo suit on," Jen points out, as mournfully as you'd ever hope to hear that sentence spoken.
Team ASL, the Whites, Team Go Team, the Goths, and the Cowboys find the clue in fourth through eighth, respectively. Now it's a big awkward scramble to the vehicles. While waiting for him to get in behind the wheel, Margie tells Luke in English, "You only need one off. Go, go!" Clearly these aren't standard transmission. Mike's having trouble getting their trunk open. Kent shrills at Vyxsin for help getting his shoes off. Jaime's taking off her headpiece so she can drive. The Cowboys, who never seem to waste time messing around with the kind of inter-task logistics that bedevil mortal teams, figure they just passed some teams. Indeed they did.
Flight Time and Big Easy arrive at the mat. "Have you ever seen a kangaroo that size?" Phil asks the miner, indicating Big Easy. They're team number two, and they're so happy about it they bump chest-pads.
Ron is complaining about how he's been too busy hydrating to read the clue. Shut up, Ron. They team up with Gary and Mallory, forming a temporary alliance of father/daughter teams. Amanda and Kris are running around somewhere, him hurrying her along. Ron wants everyone to pause and read the clue, so I guess he's satisfied with how hydrated he is. "We cannot just meander," he lectures. But Mallory's already bounce-running off in the direction she saw everyone else go. Ron protests that they have to think, but Gary's already caught up to Mallory and they're receding into the distance. "She's hysterical," Ron says of Mallory. He's noticed that about her, too?
Kisha and Jen reach the mine, and are still disembarking from their vehicle when the Cowboys pull up. It's a very awkward footrace, with everyone scampering along up the hill in their kangaroo suits while trying to hold onto all their crap. The brothers pass the sisters, putting them in third place, sharing the mat with fourth-place team Kisha and Jen. "Start last and finish third in the first leg," Jet comments, and Cord remembers his manners and congratulates the sisters. The Cowboys remain all but bulletproof. Should have known.
Kris is getting directions from a local for Mercury Street. He and Amanda run off in that direction. Meanwhile, the two father/daughter teams are still all but dragging Ron along, as he's asking what Pb is. It's lead, but that wasn't in the clue. Christina says it's Bi. "What is that, bitunium?" Ron wonders, instantly becoming one of that rare breed of scientist who invents a new element. "No, bismuth," Christina says. "Business?" Ron asks. Christina: "Aaugh!" Didn't her dad ever teach her any patience? They're currently at the intersection of Galena and Quarry, neither of which, to my knowledge, is an element. It's a four-against two race, until Christina figures out they're going the wrong way. Ron: "Oh, jeez." He almost sounds like his leg just cramped up.
Back from the ads, the father/daughter alliance quickly gets its bearings, aware that Amanda and Kris are in danger of catching up. Of course, we don't know how long they were going the wrong way before they realized their mistake; it could have been a wrong turn as recently as a half a block ago. Kris hurries Amanda along, but the father/daughter teams find the clue . See? They couldn't have been that far off course. But Amanda and Kris can see them up ahead, so they're clearly narrowing the gap. Now that they know they're going to Junction Mine, Mallory says their map tells her where it is. But when Christina gets in the car, Ron says, "Mallory -- she doesn't know where it is." Amanda and Kris get their clue just as the other teams drive off. "Oh, crap, we gotta hurry," Kris says. What else is new?
Mallory, in the car with Gary: "We gotta book it, Dad. We gotta book it book it book it book it book it!" Behind them, Christina has agreed that Mallory and Gary "are nice people but they don't know where they're going." Oh, Christina, stop listening to your dad. Although he does make a good point when he says that Mallory is very "...impulsive. " Mallory, to her dad: "PLEEASE!" [eats map]. Ron decides to "cut the cord."
Margie and Luke are team number five. Mel and Mike are team number six. Mike interviews about how proud he is of his dad, coming out at seventy years of age. "You're my hero, dad." "Aw, Mikey," Mel says. I do hope they last, but I hope even more that Mel lasts. Don't kill yourself, Papa White.
Amanda and Kris get direction telling them they're going the right way to Junction Mine. Ron and Christina, however, are lost. Good thing they didn't follow Gary and Mallory. Up at the mine, Phil welcomes Kent and Vyxsin as team number seven. Jaime and Cara arrive in eighth. "Best-looking kangaroos to roll into town," Phil says. "Or should I say hop into town?" They take this clumsy flirting in good grace.
Gary spots the mine up on a hill. Mallory: "Wooowooowoowoowoo!" They unload their car and she screams all the way up to the mat, where Phil tells them they're team number nine. Considering they were in first place at the halfway point of this leg, Mallory reacts like the joey in her costume has turned around in its pouch and grown a tongue.
Ron and Christina get directions to the mine from a guy at a gas station. Kris and Amanda spot it from the road. Cutting back and forth between the two of them ensued. It's close, or it looks like it is, but Ron and Christina are clearly closer, and sure enough they're the tenth team to arrive. "Give us good news, Bill," Ron says. "Ron, did you just call me Bill?" Phil asks. Ron denies it, and Phil confirms their names before telling them they're team number ten. Christina diplomatically says, "We still have stuff to figure out between the two of us." Ron says, "Sometimes in the heat of the moment, it's still difficult for me not to get too domineering." Christina doesn't join him in chuckling, but says, "We're just two very different people and we love each other." Translation: "It's not like you can break up with your dad."
Here comes the last team, and it's poor Amanda and Kris, making them the first to be Philiminated. Kris says he's "bummed, "but unlike the last time they got U-Turned this was their own fault. Kris interviews, "We basically won the lottery twice. "But no money," Amanda points out. Kris says the experience was the opportunity of a lifetime. "I'd do it over again in a heartbeat." And get U-Turned again, inevitably.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.