Episode Report Card M. Giant: A- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Lanced
By M. Giant | Season 15 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.18.2009
At the Autrodrome, Meghan looks way too stressed out considering she's only watching Cheyne follow a pace car around a track. You'd think he was a helpless passenger on a jetpack operated by an orangutan through a sewer tunnel full of bear traps, the way she's acting. He's enjoying himself, at least, and his time? 40.62 seconds. The flagman waves him back to the pits, and he interviews after the leg that he likes to drive fast. "I'm like Ricky Bobby. I was excited." Meghan just laughs, a little embarrassed. For which of the two of them, I'm not sure. So now they're in first place, and they get to ride in a white Maserati right to the Pit Stop, the amphitheater at the Souk Madinat Jumeirah. As is typical, Phil glosses over the Pit Stop info until the other teams will have a chance to arrive. They hug and run over to the car, Meghan interviewing about how this is a growing experience for her. They sit in the back of the sports car in their racing suits, waiting to leave. I'd be indignant on their behalf that they don't get to drive the Maserati themselves, but I guess this way they don't risk getting lost.
Brian is still filling his bag, saying he's going to keep his back to the other teams. Yeah, they'll never catch on that way. They'll just assume he's searching he entire desert from a kneeling position for several minutes. After he finishes filling up, he ties the drawstring in his bag and heads back. He encounters Tiffany and Dan and tells them, "straight behind me," directing them to the urn he found that presumably still has water in it. We get some more interview footage of Brian's thoughts on karma. "You never know what the future holds on this race," he says. Dude, make up your mind. Now they're in second place, and Ericka reads the clue for them.
Phil says that they have to head back into the city and find Ski Dubai, which is just what it sounds like. Except not really. Imagine a giant spaceship shaped like a big silver boomerang plunked down in the middle of a city. But inside, instead of aliens with probes and/or large breasts, you find an alpine ski slope. Phil says it covers more than four football fields. And they have to find a clue in that?
Tiffany and Dan find the buried urn that Brian directed them to, but Dan somehow snaps the bowl off his ladle. What was he trying to do, telescope the handle out? Lucky for him, Tiffany's willing to help fill his bag with her ladle. "I think it's pretty clear that we're in an alliance with them," Maria interviews after the leg. At least until they find out that the brothers aren't into girls.
They head back with their full bags. The brothers are in third and Team Inside Straight is in fourth as Matt returns with a full bag already. Even one of the camels seems impressed that he and Gary are now in a very close fifth. Flight Time cheers on Big Easy from the sidelines. "He walked through Hurricane Katrina, he can do this," Flight Time tells us. Well, props for that, no question, but that was kind of the opposite of this in every way.
As Brian and Ericka are leaving the parking lot, Mika and Canaan have decided they're going the wrong way to the Desert Reserve and are turning around when Mika spots Team Miss America coming up behind them. Brian pulls over to point them "five miles on your right," and Team Nashville gets back on course. Afterward, Brian says, "I'm nice but I'm not dumb. This game is all about karma and if you scratch somebody's back, they're gonna scratch you back." Especially given how much time Mika and Canaan spend looking at the other teams' backs. Ericka says he's "waaay nicer than I am," and interviews that there's a certain expectation about Miss Americas. What, that they're competitive? "I can pull the claws out if we need to," she assures us. Well, yes, Ericka, we all saw Miss Congeniality.
Lance and Keri try to stay positive, thinking they're on the right course now. There's a first time for everything.
Three teams are leaving the parking lot at about the same time, as Mika and Canaan are arriving. Maria's at the wheel of Team Inside Straight's car, and with a car blocking the path behind her, she tries to go forward to get out. Now, as she does this, the camera in their shotgun seat can plainly see the metal stakes outlining the borders of the parking lot, forming a line that goes to the right of the screen as it gets closer. But as Maria pulls forward, those stakes begin to align behind each other, until the car stops with a loud crunch that even the other teams can hear in their own cars. Maria sits helplessly behind the wheel as a guy checks under the car and tells her, "The radiator is broken." An Amazing Cameraman sticks his camera under their front bumper to get a ground-level shot of the car's impaled underside, water gushing out into the sand. Setback! Maybe someone should grab one of the Bedouin's urns and stick it under there, to make it easier for the teams that are still arriving. I'm just saying.
After the ads, Tiffany and Maria have gotten out of the car as Tiffany points out one of the other stakes, just like the one that's now half-buried in their undercarriage. Or, as Tiffany puts it, "Which gave the tummy of our car a little tickle and now it's bleeding radiator blood." "That's an awesome way of looking at it," Maria says. Other teams are still proceeding, except for Sam and Dan, who are waiting with them for some reason. "If you didn't have your ladle, I'd still be out there for an hour," Dan points out. Of course, in real life, it's much cheaper to break a ladle than a car, but that's turned upside down here, as Phil narrates some good news for Team Inside Straight: "If a car is deemed inoperable, a replacement car will be provided." Just like that.
Big Easy has found the urn he needs. "Being from New Orleans, I used to run from water," he comments as he spoons it out into his bag. "I'm out here looking for it." Which is kind of what I said to Flight Time before. They're off to Ski Dubai by the time Mika and Canaan get their clue open and decide that he's taking it.
Tiffany's trying to tell the brothers to go ahead, saying it's not Sam and Dan's problem and they'll get a car either way, but then their new ride shows up, so quickly it surprises even them. Yet another demonstration of the luck that must make them successful poker players. Team Two Pair is on the road again. Maria makes her excuses for the accident to the camera: "I'm an Asian female driver," she says. Like I don't have enough to deal with from Ericka.
Lance and Keri? Still lost, and arguing about which way to go. But at least it's low-key arguing for once. Maybe they're just too tired to swear at each other.
Meghan and Cheyne have changed out of their racing suits as their Maserati pulls up outside the souk. They don't exactly rush down to the stage of the amphitheater; in fact, Cheyne tells Meghan to "wait up." With a beautiful pond at his back, Phil is waiting with a very good-looking young greeter -- and this one's a dude! "Welcome to Dubai," he tells them, and Phil says they're team number one, plus they've won a trip to Jamaica. Meghan tearfully says she's proud of both of them, especially Cheyne.
Lance and Keri have finally arrived at the reserve. I don't usually transliterate Keri's Bostonisms, but how can I overlook a musical phrase like "We gotta pahk ah cah in the mahked area"? Clearly the Amazing Editors couldn't. It's just too hahd to do. Lance and Keri don't even really enjoy their 4X4 ride to the clue box, because Lance is asking the driver, "Everybody else go on?" The driver doesn't know, or he isn't saying. Lance takes on the Road Block and gets started while Canaan is still out there, scampering around like he's on a quest for the clitoris.
Brian and Ericka miss their exit, so Gary and Matt are the first ones to reach Ski Dubai. A camera in a helicopter circles the world's largest freezer as a Middle-Eastern version of "Jingle Bells" plays. Clever. Having found the building, Pinky and the Brain are relieved by the abrupt drop in temperature as they walk into the ski