Episode Report Card M. Giant: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Phuket List
By M. Giant | Season 14 | Episode 7 | Aired on 03.29.2009
Now we're at Phuket Zoo, where elephants pedal stationary bikes, chimpanzees gaze around serenely, and a chained tiger lets out a growl. The Stuntmen arrive first, but with Team Go Team and Kisha|Jen close behind them, it's a race around the simulated jungle walkways to find the gorilla statue. Jaime and Cara get there first and retrieve the clue.
Phil is back, saying, "Teams must now get ready to take a walk on the wild side. Or rather, let the wild side take a walk on them." The first thing they'll have to do is have their picture taken sitting next to "Esso the Tiger," the same cat we saw earlier with a chain around his neck. A zoo in Thailand seriously has a tiger named after the mascot of an old American gas station chain? What, was "Tony" not available? After paying this tribute to Western commercial colonialism, the Racers will then participate in a "typical Thai performance," which involves lying on the ground and letting a pair of elephants "step and squat over them." Then it's back to the tiger, where the trainer -- who has one arm, it's worth noting -- will give them their next clue, on the back of their photo, which is apparently to be developed while they're submitting to the attentions of the pachyderms over in the other area of the zoo. Team Go Team and the Stuntmen go haring off, the latter team calling out randomly, "Tiger! Tiger! Tiger? Tiger, tiger!" Do they think it's going to come out and meet them if they do that? Kisha and Jen get their clue in third place, and another mad footrace ensues. Again, it looks like they've closed down a facility to host an Amazing Race task, which is good, because otherwise small children would be getting plowed over.
Mike and Mel are beginning to have second thoughts about whether they're going to the right place, and Mike wonders aloud to the driver if they should ask someone. Unfortunately, the driver is too occupied with driving them in the wrong direction to consider Mike's idea. As a motorcycle passes, Mel points it out and says he thinks it's Margie and Luke. It's not. I hope he's kidding, because that wouldn't even make sense.
Back at the zoo, Mark and Michael find the tiger first, apparently as a combined result of running the fastest and saying "Tiger" the most times. They pose for their photo behind the tiger, each resting a hand on its striped pelt. "I noticed that the handler only had one arm," Michael says, and laughs that he wants to keep both of his. Hey, you don't know, maybe the trainer lost the arm to gangrene after wrapping a string around it or something. We shouldn't make assumptions. The sisters and the cheerleaders come running. "You guys, quiet, I don't want to get eaten," Mark tells them. Thank you, Principal Snyder. They get their photo taken. Afterwards, Kisha interviews, "I figured if they didn't eat Mark and Mickey, they wouldn't eat us. But they are bite-sized." Both sisters laugh guiltily but uproariously at this. "They are about the size of the trainer's missing arm," Kisha adds. The Stuntmen run off, chanting, "Elephant show? Elephant show! Elephant show!" The cheerleaders take their place with the tiger, and Jaime looks happier than she has all Race. "If I could just spend my life in the wild with animals and never see people again, I'd be completely okay with that." So would most people she's come in contact with, I'd guess. But of course, there goes her compassion for animals. They get their photo snapped, followed by Kisha and Jen.